EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH MIDGETS

WANDERING FES, MOROCCO

Conner and I were wandering around Fes, looking for places for Logan to sit and smoke as well as gifts for Conner to take to his loving family.  He had thought about purchasing a nifty Berber knife for his father.  Unfortunately, the quality is very substandard and most of the ones he examined were stamped 'made in Sweden'.  These things failed to impress Conner.

Therefore his father must cry himself to sleep every night for a year due to having no nifty Berber knife.

Note that because I can neither afford the weight (flying...) nor the cost I am unable to get gifts.  Sorry.

We then decided to go to the famous Fes tanneries we'd read so much about with another tourist we'd met.  The first place told us that the short walk up to the tannery was free but we were required to purchase some item.  What a scam.  The second place had no such restriction.

For a tannery, it stank much less than people would have you believe.  I'm not sure what kind of pansies they write the guide books for but I've smelled much worse.  Hell, a live donkey smells worse.

Shop keepers in Fes range between 'professionally nice' to 'complete dicks'.  One shop keeper told me I had a 'bad heart' because he didn't have a belt as long as I was looking for to wear 'Mexican Bandito' style.  I'd argue that if I had a flame thrower and burned him and his shop down then he could say I have a 'bad heart'.  Wish I had a flame thrower so much...

After manually burning down the shop, we continued our tour of the bazaars.  Everyone has pretty much the same crap.  On the surface, goods may appear to be creative but in actuality there seems to be almost no creativity in this part of the world.  Perhaps centuries ago there was but everyone is still making exact copies of that stuff since.  The prices they sell goods for vary wildly.  A scarf that was 250 MAD in one stall was a mere 50 MAD in another.

The lack of the 'creative gene' seems to extend to food as well.  In general there are four different types of food: 'couscous', a very filling rice dish; 'tangine', stuff baked in a unique clay pot'; meat on sticks and some pie thing with meat inside.  That's about it.  Really.  Everything else is a bad impression of foreign food.

Disclaimer: There may be a wildly creative Moroccan person somewhere.  Haven't yet seen any evidence of them.

Since Conner was flying out the next day, we went looking for a place with better wifi for Logan to live in.  Since I've got to stay over a week here, I decided insanity was a possibility without wifi.  We came across a very out of the way place hidden within the maze known as the 'Medina' (old city).  Compared to the dump we'd stayed in it was palatial.  The usual bargaining and such ensued and ended satisfactorily for all.  The owner demanded and received a down payment for the 'reservation'.

Showing up the next day, I discovered the very nice room I'd reserved was unavailable.  Rather than arguing with the brother I cooled my heels until the lady who I'd spoken with previously returned.  When speaking to the brother and son, odd stories emerged about the guest - how it was the parents or perhaps another guest.  When this sort of situation arises, always speak with the person you'd spoken to previously or get your money back and walk away.

The proprietress returned and put me in a different room for one night at a reduced cost which happened to match the amount I'd left for a down payment.  Promises were made that I'd get the great room at the previously agreed on price once the other guest had moved out.



CONNER QUOTE

(To Logan) "You've corrupted me way too much."



DUO QUOTE

Logan:  "Midgets are better than normal people."
Conner:  "They have all of the goodness of normal people compounded.  It's a question of volume."



PICK UP LINE  (Untested...)

"Lets fuck on a pile of skulls, the way God intended."



WHAT TO DO ABOUT FOLLOWERS

Sometimes you are walking around and a guy wants to attach himself to you or your group to act as an unplanned for tour guide.  The easiest way to ditch him is to either completely ignore him or stop walking and stare menacingly at him every time he tries to walk with you.  Both are considered rude but since this guy is basically a glorified beggar you should take firm action to ditch him.  Sometimes, they curse at you and tell you that if you don't want to talk to Moroccan men, you should have stayed in your own country.  Generally, they are scheming, evil, angry cocksuckers who should have been arrested by the police.  Whatever you do, don't give them money or you may never be rid of them.



ON HAGGLING

If you're not a 'hard bargainer' - or worse yet one of those namby pamby people who don't haggle because it makes them feel uncomfortable, guilty or they are too lazy to - you are regarded by the locals as a 'rich moron with money to burn'.  Amazing how many of them there are around Morocco.



FUN FRENCH FACT

The word for fish is 'poisson'.  Considering how close that is to 'poison', it well illustrates Logan's views on fish.



VIDEOS

Alambra Fortress 1, 2, 3, 4
Conner Capture
Marakesh (Morocco) Market 1, 2
Smell O Vision
Exit from Casablanca
Wake Up in Chefchawen
The Sams



COSTS (Fes)

Coffee and tea, 5 to 10 MAD.   By tradition, the mint tea is served in a sticky, dirty glass.

Room, grotty, 75 MAD/night/person

Room, nicer, 100 MAD/night/person

Room, a little nicer, 125 MAD/night/person including breakfast.  Note, this is an actual breakfast, not the old cereal and toast crap that flies as breakfast in Europe.

Laundry service (with subtle bargaining), 30 MAD

Airport shuttle (though there may be a significant walk with gear uphill out of the Medina involved), 150 MAD

Meal, average, 50-100 MAD including a non-alcoholic drink.

OUTSOURCING SUICIDE

MOROCCO NOTES

Conner and I had an experience considered very unusual even by Moroccans.  In Esauaria, we had little girls yelling 'fuck you' and throwing rocks at us.

The running joke is getting knifed.  "Sheek!"  There are a lot of times this is used, especially dead end allies.

Prices in Morocco are normally 20% to 50% of the initial asking price, depending on the object you are buying and how good you are at haggling.

A tangeen is a clay dish with a special cover over it.  Conner feels that most of Morocco smells like a mixture of tangeen and cat piss fermented together.

It's a constant struggle to get small bills here.  The big denomination bills are larger so it is possible to hide the smaller ones inside.  When they see only the large ones, they will give you change - but if they spot the small ones, they will demand them.  They do this despite having plenty of small change and the possibility of losing the sale by doing so.  I've no idea why.

Watch your ass if you drive here.  They have cops and speeding traps everywhere.

As with locals of most countries, it is better to speak with ones you have initiated conversation with.  If they approach you, the end result is usually to part you and your money.



CASABLANCA

From the time we arrived till the time we departed this cursed city, I had a very bad feeling about it.

The city itself is an odd contrast of slums dotted with four star hotels.

We got lucky upon arrival and met a tourist in a restaurant named James who took us to the kind of hotel you suspect is haunted by the ghosts of winos.   Fortunately, it was cheap.

There are hotels you worry about getting robbed in.  Others you worry about getting murdered in.  This one you worry about getting possessed by evil spirits in.

Both Conner and I hated Casablanca so much that we agreed watching movies would be a much better use of our time.  We watched the movie Casablanca and agreed that was a much better version than reality even though it was black and white and filled with Nazis.  Conner seemed to enjoy the movie "Top Secret" quite a bit and I was pleased to watch it subtly destroy parts of his brain.

In the actual Casablanca, the only people not yelling at you are ones trying to scam you.  The scammers may yell later, however.  Everyone seemed very angry about having to live there.

We got to watch the beginnings of a fist fight and possible riot after a small fender bender.

The entire time we were there, the sky was overcast and sullen, much like the staff at the place we stayed.  At night, the C.H.U.D.s came out, hungry for human flesh.

Avoiding this city will enhance your Moroccan experience.



THE ATTEMPTED TOILET PAPER HEIST

Conner and I were walking along, minding our own business.  When we got close, one guy started yelling at another and threw a stone in his direction to 'chase him off'.  The guy bumped into me and made a grab for my toilet paper.  Since Logan is a paranoid, suspicious sort, I kept my eighty cents of toilet paper away from the potential snatch artist.  He ran on and we glared at the initiator as we passed.



HOSTEL REVIEWS

Green Milk Hostel (Esauaria):  This hostel was built for and by hippies and upon hippy ideals.  Staying here you very much feel the 'love fest'.  Unfortunately, the walls were either made or painted with something that crumbles to the touch so your bed always feels sandy.  The guitar and bongo drum noises generally end around one in the morning.  The hosts love their work and love having you there.  They make a cheap (15 MAD) breakfast and dinner (35 MAD) so you can live there inexpensively.  This is restaurant quality food in a lively atmosphere.  I recommend booking ahead as it is likely to be full of hippies.  Conner and I would both stay here again.


Federatoion Royale Marocaine des Auberges de Jeunes (Casablanca):  70 MAD dorm room or 150 MAD for a room with two beds.  Bring your own toilet paper as they don't bother to stock any.  Dubious cleanliness and the people working there have long ago lost any interest in being nice or enjoying their work.  After dealing with the dust from the long un-aired room sleep came in the huge echoing building.  Breakfast is included but best avoided.

Picture by Conner Schweitzer of the wonderful showers in this hotel.  They inexplicably turn off the water for a couple hours every day, possibly to allow the cockroaches to breed.



OUTSOURCING SUICIDE

When someone commits suicide, the pain is left with the survivors.  They go through their lives with the hole left by the departed.

No longer.

Now, you can outsource to India for the person.  Lets say someone named (for example) named Jack Grey kills himself.  Now, from India, you can get a new Jack Grey.  He will be trained in (very) basic English, the the approximate size of Jack Grey, wear his clothing and live in his room.

India has many spare people.  It's a natural fit.



THE LOGAN TRAVEL COURSE

Obviously, this can't go on inside western Europe - much too easy there to travel.  You need to take it to a little rougher country where they haggle and such.

The course itself takes about a week and Conner has been kind enough to break down some of the realizations a person makes while being trained:

Day 1 & 2:  Logan is the smartest traveler on the planet.

Day 3 to 5:  The curtain begins to be pulled back.  Logan seems 'slightly eccentric'.

Day 6:  You learn Logan is not actually fluent in many languages.

Day 7:  You learn to apologize for Logan's behavior in the local language.  The realization hits that Logan stumbles through his travels using a mixture of humor and being a dick.



HAGGLING

When the person you are haggling with starts to foam at the mouth, you are getting close to the price.  Also, remember that no matter how low you go, they won't sell it to you if they don't make a profit.



CONNER QUOTES

"We are going to do that - despite if Logan is not inclined to do it.  Especially if he is inclined not to.

(To Logan)  "You're probably  the worst person to be sitting behind the (bus) driver."



LOGAN QUOTES

"Is it considered necrophilia if they are brain dead or do they have to have no pulse?"  (Thanks to Kevin D. for keeping this one alive.)

"Travel is the stories of all of the horrible shit that happens to you.  Everything else is sightseeing."

"Part of travel is getting used to the shit you wouldn't stand for in your own country."



DUO QUOTES

Logan:  "Logan is best in small doses."
Conner:  "That's true.  I definitely had more respect for you in the beginning."



PHILOSOPHY

The limitations people put upon themselves always astound me.  Whereas in America, we destroy strays, they don't in Morocco.  If I was a beggar here starving in the street, I guarantee I'd eat meat every night.  And have a lot of hides to sell.

(From some guy I met on a bus)  "The difference between a traveler and a tourist is that a tourist wants to go back to his native land unchanged.  A traveler accepts the fact he may die in a foreign land."

(From a buy I met at a coffee shop)  "A traveler without information is like a bird without wings."



TRAVELER'S TIPS

Before leaving on a journey, haunt 'army surplus stores'.  Find bags and such that have no emblem on them - they are generally very sturdy.



COSTS (after haggling)

Jellabayah (robe), 200 MAD

Local buses, 4 MAD

Bus to a different town, generally 100-150 MAD

Four pack of cheap toilet paper, 7 MAD

FUCK RYAN AIR, FUCK IT IN IT'S GOAT ASS

RYAN AIR

While their prices show them as cheaper on line, they delight in finding ways to fuck you once you actually get to the airport and have no escape.  Didn't check in?  Didn't print your boarding pass?  Fuck you, pay 70 EUR.  Don't want to pay?  Can't fly.

The really sad thing is that I'd already booked another Ryan Air flight before finding out about their 'fun and games'.  After I get out of western Europe I'll be free of them - but probably not their spam.



MOROCCO

Fridays are pretty dead in Marikesh.  This is the day most shop keepers take off.  No clue why but they do.

Finding breakfast other than 'bread' is pretty much impossible.  To make matters worse, most of the decent meals aren't cooked until after noon.  Hence, if you have a hostel that serves some sort of breakfast, I recommend eating it rather than striking out for food.



LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON...

Was looking for bandannas in the market.

Logan: "What material is that?"
Seller:  "Cotton!"
Logan:  "Looks like polyester to me."
Seller:  "No!  It is cotton!"
Logan:  (Pulls out a lighter)  "You stand behind your wares?"
Seller:  (Dejected)  "No fire."

Polyester melts, cotton smolders.



DR WATSON, I PRESUME

While traveling with me, Conner has recorded several Logan quotes.  Here are a few:

"A lot of life is figuring out ways to justifying things to yourself."

"Travel (traveling skills) is just a lot of little shit."

"Why do all my fucking quotes have profanity in them?"

To the tourists:  "You know any good restaurants around here?"
Tourist:  "Yeah, there's one in the big bazaar."
Beggar:  "You want good restaurant?"
Logan:  "Nope."

"Because the tightrope is thin, fucking thin, you are only one bad day away from getting mugged, or shot, or having your corpse violated by a camel."

"They see us as poor, stupid or lost tourists...That's perfect!"

"You can always tell how old a woman is by if the dreams have died in her eyes."



CONNER QUOTES

"Logan has had to cultivate his humor just to counteract the amount of concentrated evil he has."

"What's mine is yours...And by that I mean 'don't touch my shit'."

"In the first five minutes of meeting Logan he referred to himself as a 'fat, evil bastard'.  Well, at least he isn't a liar...Oh - wait..."

"It's pretty much a constant state of Logan."



PRELIMINARY RESEARCH OF SOUTH AMERICA

Disclaimers:  This is by no means a conclusive list nor is it necessarily correct.  I went through hostelbookers.com and drew my information from that.  Not until I get to the country can I find out what the 'real deal' is.  Also, you must remember that the listings there are only by the computer literate people.  Since I want internet all the time, that's generally what I go for.

Formatting:  I've listed the country name followed by the name of the cities.  The number after the cities is the price in USD.  If I could not find anything close to my price range, I put an X.  That doesn't mean there isn't anything, just that it's not listed on hostelbookers.com.  Everything is a dorm room unless otherwise noted.  For the cost of a room, it generally seems to be a bit over twice that of a dorm.  Apparently, people are expected to travel in groups of two.

Note, if you feel I've missed something major and can find for sure the current price on the internet, let me know.  Or if I missed a major city of interesting stuff.  Note that I don't claim to yet know anything about central or south America.

Ecuador

Quito, 6-9
Ambato, X
Banos, 8
Cuenca, 9-10
Guayaquil, 10-11
Loja, X
Otavalo, 12 or 15 only
Ibarra, X
Riobamba, X


Venezuela

Nothing


Guyana

Nothing


French Guiana

Nothing


Colombia

Bogota, 7-10
Cali, 10-11
Cartagena, 12-17
Cucuta, X
Manizales, 12 or 20, limited at best
Medellin, 8-11
Pereira, only 1 at 12
Popayan, 10-11
Santa Marta, 6-11


Peru

Lima, 6-8
Cusco, 7-9
Puno, 7-
Arequipa, 6-8
Ollan, 6-12
Manchu Picchu, 12-15
Nazca, 6-12
Mancora, 10-12
Huachina, 4-7
Huaraz, 6-9


Brazil

Brasilia, X
Florianopolis, 12-13
Fortaleza, 10-13
Manaus, 8-12
Porto Alegre, 10-15
Recife, X
Rio De Janeiro, 8-12
Salvador (de Bahia?), 9-13
San Paulo, 13-14


Paraguay

Asuncion, 10
Bella Vista, X
Ciudad Del Este, X
Coronel Oviedo, 10-12 single room
Encaracion, 6, only one
San Bernadino, X


Chile

Santiago, 9-12
Concepcion, X
Iquique 12-15
La Serena, 17 or 20
Valparaiso, 12-14
Vina Del Mar, 12-15
Valdivia, 18-20
Punta Arenas, 16-17


Urugay

Aguas Dulces, X
Colonea Del Something, 14-16
Jose Ignacio, X
La Paloma, 13 or 20
La Pedrera, X
Montevideo, 10-12
Punta Del Diablo, 15-20
Punta Del Este, 13-20


Argentina

Buenos Aires, 8-9
Cordoba, 10-11
La Plata, 15-18
Mendoza, 10
Rosario, 11-12
Salta, 10
San Carlos de Something, X
San Juan,10-14
San Miguel De Something, X

CLOSING THOUGHTS ON GRENADA AND SPAIN

GRANADA

Here in Granada, got a pretty good hostel going - very comfortable and only six beds in the room. Unless it is a weekend, it's 10 EUR a night. Not bad. And I got very lucky and had another tourist direct me to a place where you can get an insane meal sized tapas for the cost of a drink (2 EUR).

Whoever told me 'Spain is cheap' has an odd version of what 'cheap' is. It's about the same cost as Berlin.

Tapas is generally between 1.50 and 2.50 euros.

Granada is 'pretty handicapped accessible' for those of you stuck in wheelchairs and stuff.

If you have bad allergies, you will die horribly here during cottonwood season.

For the biggest tapas in Granada - possibly the world - go to El Tabernaclo.  Nice.  One is pretty much a meal.  And it's only 2.5 EUR (small drink) or 4 EUR (large drink).  The size of the tapas has nothing at all to do with the size of drink you buy.



ALAMBRA

Within Granada, the 'cherry on top' is called 'Alambra'.  It is literally on top.  Up a big, fucking hill.  After several panting rest breaks we made the top.  At this point, I discovered a nice gentle road was behind it that I could have gotten a taxi up.  Irritating.  The irritating thing about this place is that only a certain number of visitors are allowed in per day.  My buddy Conner had gone very early and gotten the full ride ticket (roughly 13 EUR).  I showed up much later and got a ticket for about 8 EUR.  Little did I know that it allowed access to everything except one special place.  According to Conner, the special place was only worth it if you were really into the rest of the architecture.  As it was, I got burned out seeing stuff with an 8 EUR ticket.  My advice would be to pay for the big ticket if you can get it and to not stress it if you can't.  The place itself was an old garden for some monarch.  The actual garden was destroyed years ago and this one is fairly new - but they did a nice job with it so it's nice to see.

Within Alambra, you can see unlicensed guides plying their trade.  Real guides have special badges they wear around their necks.  If you get an unlicensed guide, they can't talk during many parts or they get busted.  They explain to gullible tourists that there is 'some problem'.

Naturally, Alambra is a 'tourist circus'...  Asian tourists come in packs of fifty plus.  No idea why, probably a cultural thing.

The days of the backward walking, loud talking tour guide are over.  These days, the tour guide wears a mic and everyone else one (sometimes two) headphones.

The whole concept of a tour guide has always baffled me.  I'd love to quiz people on the tour to see what percentage of information they actually retain.  If they got hit with a cattle prod for retaining under 10%, there would be a whole lot of stunned people.  Never had a tour guide myself, if there is interest wiki will tell me.  Haven't bothered to wiki though.  My strategy of 'bug the natives" seems to work well.  Disclaimer:  Someone like Pete H can take the tour once and recite it back.  I know.

For the really rich people there is 'Hotel America' right up next to Alambra.  Overheard that it is 400 EUR a night.  Wow.

As far as the town and all, it was a bit tame for me.



SPAIN

Spanish people like to keep their own schedule - even if they are working in the tourist parts of Spain.  Illogical and counter productive.

Drinking in Spain - not cheap.  Recommend a different country if you are wanting to get blotto...



MOVING ON

While I was in Spain, I met a guy named Conner.

He's a clever eighteen year old who is interesting in learning the art of long term travel.  It's his first time out of the USA.  While I don't really consider myself an expert, I do think I've developed some skills I'm happy to pass on.  We teamed up and have made our way to the more exotic Morocco.  Spain was way to blase for me.

Bit of danger should do him some good.

Hopefully, my visa will still be active when it is time to go back to Germany to fly out.  If it isn't, I'm fucked.  Stay tuned!



OTHER WEIRD STUFF

I got directions from a blind man.  Not kidding.  Sadly, Conner and Elenor were snickering in the background which threw it a bit.  I wasn't trying to be a dick, mind you.  Yes, I am a dick but I'm not normally one to mess with the blind but he got between me and the guy I was going to ask directions from.



PHILOSOPHY

Was talking to a girl who is living in Spain. She lives here in order to learn Spanish. I asked why, she didn't know.

Call me old fashioned but my first thought was 'Are you hoping to marry someone with a useful job?'

It's always amazing when I talk to people who are studying something because 'they like it' and have no plans on how it can become a useful career. And it often can't. Or doesn't. No plans, just taking what looks good at the moment.

True that I'm traveling that way but it's not really a good direction to go for a career...



TRAVELER'S TIPS

For those interested:  When I'm in Europe, this is how I now go about figuring out where I want to go and stay.

Step 1:  List all of the major tourist towns in my notebook.  These can be found on wikitravel.  I've found that in general the non-tourist towns a) are dull - not much to see in many of them b) actually cost more than the tourist towns simply because they don't have the infrastructure.  Where you can find several hostels in a city or major tourist town you can only find business class hotels in small out of the way places.  In short, they end up costing more and there is less to see.  Yes, the food and such is much cheaper but where you stay will always be a large percentage of your daily expense.

Step 2:  Go onto hostelbookers (or hostelworld, etc) and check out prices for the weekends.  Some hostels like to play underhanded games with the prices - raising them on the weekends, when there is only one room left, etc.  So I look for the 'worst case scenario'.   List the price range on the list of cities page.

Step 3:  Disregard any town that is out of my price range (unless it has something I REALLY want to see - haven't seen that yet but I'm allowing for it) and consider the remaining towns.

Step 4:  Read up on the towns or better yet, google them then select images.  That gives you a pretty good glimpse of the kinds of stuff you will probably see in that town or at least what other people thought was worth taking a picture of.  For example, I  was pondering going to Cordoba.  About a third or more of the pictures seemed to be stripped arches.  To me, this means it is the main thing people found interesting there - enough that a crap ton of people have taken pictures of it.  Do I care about 'stripped arches'?  Not enough to justify $20 per night just to sleep in a frigging dorm.

Step 5:  Figure out logical routes between the places you've priced.  If they are too far apart, figure out if there is anything in between and re-run the steps for some of those things to see if you can break up a long travel time.  In general, I don't suggest more than six hours on a bus or train - less if you are frail constitution or very old - like Tim Van Theemsche who has both.

There may be better ways to do this, but I haven't discovered them yet.  Wanted to put this up in hopes that it is of use to someone.

PLAYING JASON BOURNE

Right now, I've got seven different currencies on me.  Doubt I'll be able to get them exchanged for any reasonable price and who knows - I might be able to go back to some of those countries eventually.



WEIRD TERMS

Other travelers have used these terms:

"Logan style"
"Loganism"

This is funny as it's not the first time I've heard them from travelers without any prompting.

PRELIMINARY RESEARCH OF CENTRAL AMERICA

Disclaimers:  This is by no means a conclusive list nor is it necessarily correct.  I went through hostelbookers.com and drew my information from that.  Not until I get to the country can I find out what the 'real deal' is.  Also, you must remember that the listings there are only by the computer literate people.  Since I want internet all the time, that's generally what I go for.

Formatting:  I've listed the country name followed by the name of the cities.  The number after the cities is the price in USD.  If I could not find anything close to my price range, I put an X.  That doesn't mean there isn't anything, just that it's not listed on hostelbookers.com.  Everything is a dorm room unless otherwise noted.  For the cost of a room, it generally seems to be a bit over twice that of a dorm.  Apparently, people are expected to travel in groups of two.

Note, if you feel I've missed something major and can find for sure the current price on the internet, let me know.  Or if I missed a major city of interesting stuff.  Note that I don't claim to yet know anything about central or south America.


Mexico

Mexico City, 10-13
Acapulco, X
Cancun, X
Guadalajara, 9-13
Monterrey, 10-12
San Luis Portosi, X
Taxco, X
Tijuana, X


Belize

Nothing


Guatemala

Antigua, 5-9
Coban, 15
Guatemala City, 11-15
Lake Atitlan, 5-7
Livingston, 6-7
Panajachel, 8-12
Peten, X
Quetzaltenango, 10, not much there.
Tikal, X


El Salvator

Juayua, X
La Libertad, 9
Playa Sandiego, X
San Salvador, 8
Santa Ana, X


Honduras

Copan Ruinas, 5 dorm, 11 single
Roatan Island, 11, only 1 hostel
San Pedro Sula, X


Nicaragua

Esteli, X
Granada, 10, not many places
Jalapa, X
Jinotega, X
Leon, 6-12
Managua, 11, only one place
San Jorge, X
San Juan Del Sur, $15, not many places


Costa Rica

San Jose, 5-11
Cartago, X
Dominical, 11
Alajuela, 12-13
Heredia, 7-18
Liberia, X
Puerto Limon, X
Puntarenas, X
Quesada, X


Panama

Bocas Del Toro
Boquete, 9-11
David City, only one at 10
Los Santos, X
Panama City, 11-13



CLOSER TO WHERE I CURRENTLY AM (but am not going...)


Portugal

Lisbon, 12-13
Avairo, 21
Braga, 21
Coimbra, 17-20
Evora, 20-22
Funchal, X
Guimaraes, 18-22
Porto, 11-13
Viana do Castelo, 6 (only one place!)



COSTS

For about 5 EUR you can get 3 tapas, enough for a meal in most places.  The beer is served in tiny glasses - they say so it doesn't get warm.  The beer here is nothing special.

Large glass of 'summer wine', 4 EUR.  Very nice - try that for sure.

EATING SPAIN

FORWARD PLANNING


Pondering what to do in Spain.  I've been wandering around Granada for several hours.  It's OK but not great.

After traipsing around for four or five hours working on breaking in my new shoes, I'm doing the Spanish custom of 'siesta' and hanging out on the computer doing research for a few hours trying to figure out what is next.

I'm wondering why people always refer to Spain as 'cheap'.  It's close to the same price as Berlin.  It's true that Berlin is cheaper than some cities in Europe (like Munich) but it's not 'cheap'.

Perhaps my barometer of what is 'cheap' and what isn't is a bit skewed.

So, I did some more research on the region of Spain I find myself in and have found that the only cities that are within my price range - and moderately interesting - are Granada -> Cordoba -> Seville -> Cadiz.  I'm going to do some more poking around and see if I can figure out what seems interesting for me here.  Honestly, it is OK but I feel like either I haven't yet found 'the good stuff' or I've been spoiled by already having been to lots more exotic places and this just isn't floating my boat.

After that, if I wanted to I could spend about 30-40 euro to get a boat into Morocco.

After some fairly exhaustive research into Morocco, however, I've only found two (yes two) cities which are actually affordable in terms of accommodation.   For those interested, the cities are Fez (AKA Fes - no, I don't know why) and Marrakech, which seems freakishly cheap compared to the rest of Morocco.  Again, no clue why.

So, this brings me to 'how bad do I really want to see Morocco'?  Due to the political situation in Algeria (screwed up) it's kind of on it's own.  I couldn't go to say Tunisia from there to slaughter Jawas.

Note if I had $100 per day to spend (or better still 100 EUR as the dollar isn't worth crap these days) then doubtless my options would drastically open up but I have less than half of that.

And, from what I've talked to other travelers about it seems that the Central and South American countries have gotten all modern - hence expensive.  Extensive research will be needed for those as well to see what is possible.



PRICES

Four tapas (including approximately 300 ml of beer), 6.80 EUR.  Would recommend the tapas at "El Tabernaclo."  Note that you get better tapas if you sit at the bar and chat with the cook.  In some establishments, it is also cheaper if you are sitting at the bar.

VIDEOS

Logan and the ruins
The Da-Logano Code
Young Protesters

BERLIN TO SPAIN PDQ

BERLIN

Years ago when I lived in Germany, it was pretty much all Germans.  Berlin seems extremely racially diverse.  I hope it's amazing and wonderful for them.  Me, I don't really care where people live so long as they can sell me tasty food and such.

As in many countries, the number for emergencies is 112.  Personally, I think the UK has it right with 999.  A good number to hit while you're panicking.

My overall thought on Berlin, "Nice place to live, but I wouldn't want to visit there."  Too manicured and perfect.  Give me rubble and old bullet holes any day.

As I was leaving Berlin, seven taxi drivers at the airport were attempting to get a Frisbee down from a tree.  After five minutes they succeeded.  Two inexpert throws later and the Frisbee was lodged in the only other tree in the area.



TRAVEL TO SPAIN

I'd wanted to  avoid flying and go by train.  Not only does it cost more, but everything is booked up.  Screw buying the couple month pass for a lot of money if you can't even get on the train!



ARRIVAL IN SPAIN

Back to palm trees in this sun bleached land.  After messing around with the bus and eventually sucking it up and paying for a cab, I found that the hostel I'd read so much about was 'all out of the cheap rooms'.  Strike one.  Then, I find out that tappes isn't served free with beer in Malaga.  Decided immediately to leave Malaga after only one night in this expensive tourist town.

Decided to go to Grenada which I'd heard about  from a fellow tourist quite some time ago.  We'll see if it lives up to the stories.



SPANISH LANGUAGE

It is killing me to try to dredge up all of my old Spanish speaking skills.  On top of that, I am trying to default to Georgian.  Not a clue why - there are no similarities between the languages.  It's going to take some time to acclimate.



SPENDING

After going through the pain of saving money for seven plus months, I've found that I am more loathe to piss it away.  I'm still pissing it away - I'm just more loathe about it.



GEAR

My current gear continues it's rapid disintegration.  My 'goes with me everywhere' bag has been decomposing very quickly.  It's held together with paper and safety pins.  It's amazing how fast things fall apart when you travel.  Even my backpack has started to look pretty rough.  At least now I know what kind to get.



BAG WEIGHT

For those keeping track it is down to 13.5 KG.   This is good because my belly is still up ten or more kilos.



MATT MATT MATT, MADDATT!

It's looking like my good buddy Matt may be joining me in Spain for a weekend.  Long time readers of the blog will remember him as the meat cleaver wielding 'Sato Boot' (white ghost) from Nepal.   I'm hoping that this visit we won't be trying to bury a hooker out in the desert.



FILM REVIEW - DJANGO UNCHAINED

Although I always find Quinton's 'ultra-violence' great fun, this movie seemed to drag on forever.  I'd have been happier for the best fifteen minutes and the rest cut.  I've got nothing against character development provided it is done in an interesting manner.  This wasn't.



DAEMON QUOTES

"Logan puts the 'ass' into 'ambassador'."
"Logan is an 'evil Buddah'."



PRICES

Weird off brand 8 pack of triple A batteries, 1.50 EUR
Energizer 8 pack of triple A batteries, 3 EUR
New, hopefully better MP3 player upgrade, +25 EUR.  It got expensive quick.
Full city public transport ticket, all zones, 7 EUR
Lovely steak dinner with baked potato, 17 EUR
Pack of smokes, 5 EUR

LOGAN'S ILL FATED EUROPEAN ADVENTURE

NOTES ON TBILISI AIRPORT

You can enter and hangout within the tiny airport as long as you want.  If you want to smoke, you can do so outside or even in the lamest Burger King in the world.   This BK has no beef, no shakes and very little to commend it.  Less if you are a non-smoker.  There is a fairly heavy police presence around the airport so you get less beggars and they are all on the outside.

Remember, unless you want to lug around completely useless foreign currency in your own game of "Jason Bourne", get rid of your Lari (GEL).  Outside of Georgia they are as welcomed as a truck load of dead rats in a tampon factory.

The weight of the 'big bag' (for those keeping track) is down to 14.3 KG.  Less is always better.



ARRIVAL IN LATVIA

Down to my last pen as the changing air pressure of the plane caused more small explosions.

Customs was a breeze.  The lady looked through my passport, wordlessly swiped it and handed it back.  That is the easiest time I've ever had in entering the EU.  I waltzed through the 'nothing to declare' line reading my notebook for what bus to catch.  Out of the corner of my eye, I could tell they were wanting to stop me but didn't.  It's rude to interrupt someone reading...  Yes, that was planned.  With a soccer ball worth of medicine in my bag and double or triple the legal number of cigarettes I wasn't anxious for them to have a look.

By the time I arrived in Latvia, my hands were literally shaking with fatigue.

To their great credit, none of the taxi drivers at the airport tried to hawk their cabs at me.  It shows a lack of sophistication and a dearth of poverty when they do.

Before my tale of woe and nice people who tried to help, I'd like to point out that the lat is the most valuable currency I've ever come across.  It's roughly two US dollars to buy one lat (LVL).  Wow, that sucks.  And a five is the smallest bill.

Since I'd done a little homework I'd discovered there was a 3 LVL shuttle that took people from the airport to their hostels.  Climbing on that, I didn't realize it was the last thing to go right for me in this country.

In the not too distant mother Russia, they have a holiday called "May Day".  Guess what day it starts?  Yes, the same one I'm Latvia.  This is a huge problem because Russians seem to celebrate this day by all leaving their country and going to other Russian speaking countries.  Like Latvia.

Everything was full.

I managed to get booked for one night at a hostel but that was it.  The "May Day" celebrations last about a week and a half.  Everything up to the 70 EUR per night hotels was booked solid.  Since I start freaking out when I have to pay 10 EUR for a place to sleep, 70 EUR was a bit beyond my budget.  And made me squeal like a pig.

Honestly, I was too stressed out to do much sightseeing but what I saw was a clean, modern city.   There was even a 'Cinnabon'.  Yes, I managed to resist it.  In hindsight, should have gone.  Lot of changes from Georgia.  Cars stay in their own lane.  Pedestrian crossings weren't just put there because they had extra paint left over.  The buildings were built with skill and aren't in danger of collapse.  They even have fire escapes.

Perhaps there is no clearer symbol of 'first world' as opposed to 'third world' countries than the lowly fire escape.  If you don't have one, it sends a message.  That message could be you live in a single story house.

So I wandered around fretting.  A friend of mine in Georgia has some extremely nice people who are very good friends of his in Riga and they said not to worry - they would find a place.  They looked for hours without success.  They did feed me and give me beer though.  While sitting in their establishment (which will be undergoing a name change to "Rockabilly House") I got to see something very unusual.  Though the surprise is probably a bit destroyed by mentioning the name of the establishment.

"Pete Anderson and the Swamp Shakers".  This was a four piece 'rockabilly' combo that operated with a great deal of enthusiasm.  Not bad music either.  Yes, when they found out I was from the states I got to talk to the leader a bit.  He asked me questions like if I could sing or play an instrument.  No.  Hell no.  I couldn't help but thinking as I sat around watching them play that if the USSR had kept going for another few years they would be sneaking out to play 'decadent western rock and roll music' while working a day job in factory number seven.

It's amazing how much American music they play there - and different from Georgia where they seem to play the same twenty Georgian songs over and over.

After accepting I would not be able to stay in Latvia, the great idea of 'duck into a nearby country and wait for the soviets to bugger back off home' came to mind.

Full.

Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and even Poland were full.

What the hell.

It  was saddening not only to leave Latvia but to realize my entire plan had been blown.  Perhaps it would have been a lot cheaper had I gone with my original plan and gone to Spain along the northern coast of the Mediterranean.  Perhaps not.

So, it looked as though I'd have to push on to Berlin.  I had a vague feeling I wanted to go to Berlin.

Back in the old days, before the internet, Logan worked in army intelligence.  Note to my Georgian readers, this does not mean I am currently CIA.  It is a Georgian  pastime to accuse various Americans of working for the CIA.  Sadly, they don't seem good at this game.  Anyway, for anyone who has ever worked in the intelligence field during the Cold War, Berlin had a special mystique.

Spy swaps, spy vs spy, the Berlin Airlift and all of those shadowy things happened there.  I know that is all in the history books but I was hoping to catch just a whiff of the old spirit.

Nothing.

My trip isn't starting off very well.



IMPORTANT NOTE FOR TOURISTS IN THE BALKANS

If you are going to go in May and June (yes, another Russian holiday then), pre-book.  I'm not exaggerating.



BERLIN

Berlin turned out to be just another ultra modern city.  If any of the old, intriguing Berlin still exists, I've not yet found it.  I've still got a couple days left to look for it but it's probably not there.

On the good news, I've blown a whole bunch of money (70 EUR) get some new shoes.  The cheap Georgian tennis shoes I'd purchased literally caused me to think I was growing spikes through the bottom of my feet or they were on fire somehow.  The new shoes are gaudy and ugly.

I also decided that since the battery wasn't charging in my MP3 player (which is used daily) it was time to get a new one.  Tomorrow, I will return it and try to get a better one that doesn't shut itself off at random.



PHILOSOPHY

It's always baffling to me when someone is traveling for a month or so how they love to yack on skype. When they're with a group, they have the same conversations they would at home. Not really much of a vacation...

To those who want to do the overly protective, 'their family and friends would worry' sappy drivel, just think "What happened before cell phones or even the cable under the ocean for transatlantic calls?" Well, they traveled anyway - that's what. And they had new stuff to talk about when they got home because they didn't discuss it nightly...

PRICES

Georgia:

Burger King chicken sandwich, onion rings and a can of pepsi, 26 GEL.  Wow.


Latvia:

Dorm bed, 7 LVL cheapest though many are 10 LVL

Cafeteria meal I got sick after eating, 5 LVL


Berlin:

MP3 player that doesn't work, 30 EUR

THE ART OF GAME DESIGN

GAME DESIGN

I'm going to write down some thoughts on game design.  

Mark Rein-Hagen designed the wildly popular 'Vampire the Masquerade' game.  He was also involved with 'Magic the Gathering'.  That's the guy I worked for during a couple months and tried to learn from.  Disclaimer:  He wasn't trying to teach me game design - we were working on games.  The stuff I've put down here are things I believe I've gleaned from him.  In fairness to him, I may be completely off on some of the stuff.  Up to him to correct me if he wishes.

For posterity, the games I've worked on include:  

Succubus - party game involving specialty playing cards.

Victoria - a board game.

I Am Zombie - a revolutionary new roleplaying game.

What I think I've learned from Mark Rein-Hagen:

1.  You have to build up a good amount of various useful contacts.  These include such people as artists, musicians, film editors, writers, editors, etc.  Game design is a team sport.  Unfortunately, all of these people will require paying.  

2.  The person who will be designing the game risks several thousand dollars in capital.  But what of Kickstarter?  Yes, this money is spent well before going onto Kickstarter.  You have to have a working game beforehand.  Also, art sells the game.  Art is amazingly expensive.  For something the size of a playing card, I've been told the usual price is $100.  Holy crap.  If someone were to ask me "How much money should I start with?"  I'm going to guess at $5000.  No clue how much profit this could roll into with a successful Kickstarter, but it could be a nice amount.  The money part I didn't really get involved with, other than being an ongoing cost.

3.  When Mark worked, he set himself a very tight deadline to complete enough of the game to appear on Kickstarter.  Keep in mind that you have to make the game then play test it a lot.  Other groups have to sign NDA (non disclosure agreement) forms and play test it.  If you are able to silently watch them play, so much the better.  If you try to help talk them through it, you get skewed data.   Most folks agree that a year or longer is needed to develop a game.  Mark chopped the time frame down to three months and compensated by working fifteen hours a day on it.

4.  When giving assignments to writers, you have to be extremely specific.  The more general you are, the less usable the result.  If these writers are in daily meetings with you, the vision can be more easily shared.  If not, be even more specific in your writing assignments.  By specific I mean you have to make an outline then ask them to flesh it out.

5.  Art sells games.  I've mentioned this before but Mark mentioned it often enough that it deserves it's own bullet point.  Mediocre art means you sell less or not at all.  This is why you have to pay big bucks for professional artists.  Trying to get your friend 'who can draw' to make art will handicap or destroy your game.

6.  Always think in terms of monetization.   The role playing industry is pretty much crippled because as soon as a book comes out it is scanned and put onto torrent sites.  If all you are printing is a book, you won't make much for it.  This also goes for movies, audio books - anything that is easy to turn into data.  Sure, there are a few honest people and collectors out there but not enough to fully fund your project.  And yes, many people spend a lot of time bitching that it shouldn't be this way.  Guess what?  It is.  Deal with it and think outside the box.  This is one of the reasons the roleplaying game "I Am Zombie" uses a dynamic character sheet comprised of playing cards.  Sure, someone could try to print out crappy copies of the cards in black and white and they could be used but the cards aren't that expensive and will look and feel so much better to use that buying them will make more sense.   Also, special poker chips are used which have many words printed on them for skill bumps.  And other things.  Very crafty, clever thinking on Mark's part.  The important thing for gamers will be that it combines into a solid game.

7.  Like all roleplayers, I've spent time working on game systems - whether new ones or altering existing ones.  The conversations would go wildly off track, degenerate into Monty Python jokes and so on.  Mark didn't allow this.  We worked hard and kept focus on the game.  Churn, churn, churn.  Whether we were driving, shopping or eating when we were on the clock we were expected to be working.

8.  You can't hype a game too much before Kickstarter comes out.  Get ten thousand people eagerly awaiting it's appearance and you are most of the way there.  Less than that it may be stillborn.  

In conclusion:  If you are wanting to develop a professional game for publication that actually earns money, it is a lot more work than altering a few rules of an existing game with your friends.  A lot more has to be ready before kickstarter than I thought.  Prepare yourself for hard work and significant financial risk.  When you think it's done, hype hype, hype...

REGICIDE

LEAVING GEORGIA

Lots of people live for years in one place.  I lived for years in a state I really mostly hated - Illinois.  Hell, that was a decade.  After extensive travel, some people come to despise it.  I went the other way.  Seven months in Tbilisi, Georgia seemed like forever.

When you need to save up money, sometimes there is no other option.

The jobs caused me to sit around rather than wander around.  Logan got fat.  Again.  Or, as some would say "Reverted to his natural form".   Gods help me when I return to the USA.  Mt Vesuvius belly.

Affordable alcohol and sweets are a dangerous combination.



LUXURY APARTMENT

Of all of the places I've stayed so far, the $450 per month luxury apartment is high on the list.  Literally everything I needed was in there.

Only two downsides, both related to the gas heater.  First, if you left the kitchen window closed when using gas, the house fills with gas.  Possible death.  Definite downside.

The second problem with the gas heater is that the genius that built it didn't put any sort of cover on it.  When the wind blows, it goes out.  Quite a bummer if you are in the middle of the shower for the water to go from 'nice and hot' to ice cubes.

Hell no I never used gas to cook.  Didn't cook.  If food in a country is too expensive to eat out, I will fucking switch countries.  There is no need for Logan to cook.



PEOPLE OF GEORGIA

They're pretty nice.   I like them and would go back.

Sure, everyone likes to dress in black (not joking) and wander the streets unsmiling but it's almost like this is an automatic defense mechanism against the hordes of beggars and the KGB ghosts which haunt the streets.

Not a clue if it should be considered 'can do spirit' or people fighting on despite tools, training or competency but a saying I developed for Georgia is "If you don't have the right tool, any will do."

They have some weird beliefs.  Very weird.  Stay the hell away from doctors and politely ignore anyone who wants to give you any medical advice.  These things seem handed down from the same folks who brought western Europeans the 'knock on wood' beliefs.   It's easy to look at another countries' beliefs and say "Gosh, they believe in some goofy shit" but when I run into these strange beliefs it makes me wonder about my own programming.  What unquestioned yet erroneous beliefs have I?

Business beliefs and practices within Georgia also defy rational explanation.  Hidden, unlabeled stores.  No change in cash registers.  No customers, no problem.  Totally baffling.  Though labor is cheap here, rent and bills aren't.  How these are paid for is a mystery.

Most people live with their families in homes everyone was given after the collapse of the USSR.  This is handy because the wages people are paid wouldn't pay for rent.



RETURN OF THE GEORGIAN (SINCE JEDI IS COPYRIGHTED)

When discussing Georgia with Mark Rein-Hagen, he mentioned a mutual acquaintance would return to Georgia and that people often returned to Georgia.

"Why is that, do you think?" I queried.
"Dunno." he replied.  "There is just something about Georgia."

I concur.

Especially if Mark has more game design work for me.



YOU AND GEORGIA

Should you choose to visit Georgia and see it's wonderful outdoor scenery, experience the warmth of the people and hunt in frustration for hidden shops on roads without street signs some advice.

Seeing Tbilisi itself is one to three days depending upon your interest.  It is also a good 'jumping off' point for hitting many outlying areas.

Though there is at least one place with good skiing, tourism in Georgia is a summer thing.  Roads get blocked and closed quickly in the winter making much of the country inaccessible.

I've never even heard rumors crime of Georgians against foreigners.



LEAVING ON A JET PLANE...AGAIN

People bitch about having to wait for two or three hours for a flight.  Fuck them.  Because it was a bit more convenient for a couple people, I showed up at the airport eight hours early.  Eight.

Georgia drew the short straw in terms of when their flights arrive and leave - between three and six in the morning.

For those keeping track, everything I own is down to 14.3 KG.



REGICIDE

While maintaining my vigil, Burger King snared me with it's siren call.  They have one at Tbilisi Mall as well that was pretty good - though very expensive.  The BK at the airport was amazing in it's 'suck-a-tude'.

No beef.  They weren't 'home of the whopper'.   Makes me think they bought an 'indulgence' from the home office king to carry on despite wild incompetency.

Figured perhaps a shake would take the edge off.

No shakes.

The only good thing (for me) - smoking was permitted there.

Die, King, die.



COSTS

Taxi to the airport, with additional stop; 20 GEL.
Shitty, overpriced, don't have beef Burger King, 25 GEL.

FUCK BEGGARS

FUCK BEGGARS

I was sitting in Mark's car waiting for him to get back.  A beggar came 'a beggin' to the window.

As those who have been keeping up with my travels and such know, I have a pretty good ability to understand what is going on despite not speaking many languages fluently.

The guy tried begging in Georgian then in Russian.  I played the 'no comprende'.   The beggar than held up a coin to indicate what he wanted.

I put on a big shitty grin and held out my hand.  With a shrug, the beggar gave it to me.  I made noises of approval and he moved off.

'Francois', who was in the car, was amazed I was able to get money out of even beggars.

To me, this incident drove home three points:

1)  It is not always good to be able to 'understand' other languages (even if you do).
2)  I hate beggars.
3)  I am a complete bastard.

I came across much more pathetic beggars during my three months in India and didn't give them even one rupee.  Here, the beggars are often dressed better than I am.

Fuck beggars.



ENGLISH

English has got to be a rough language to learn. Even a single changed word can alter the entire meaning of a sentence. Consider:

"It takes a village to raise a child."
Meaning: This addresses social responsibility (as well as perhaps the impact of environment) in regards to children.

"It takes a village to make a child."
Meaning: Village orgies.

LOGAN THE GAME DEVELOPER

LOGAN THE GAME DEVELOPER

After working for seven months at Friends Hostel, I was burned the heck out.  I won't say a bad word on the hostel, but seven months of dealing with customers and drama is more than enough for Logan.

I'd been thinking about leaving after six months but then enter Mark Rein-Hagen.  He liked the creativity I brought into his games so he decided to hire me for a bit.  So that keeps me up till month seven.

Mark notices that some mornings I am dragging ass into his place due to being work up during the night...  Once.  Twice.  Four times, whatever by guests - drunken or not - coming or going.  I announce it may be time to leave Georgia.

But wait!  Says Mark.  I've got big projects here and want you in them.  So much so that I will pay for you to stay somewhere if you can find a place for a month.  We look for a couple weeks with absolutely no luck.  Enter François Thibault.  He starts working with Mark.  He is clever.  On the last day before I was to buy a plane ticket, he finds a place.

The unkind among you (like Tim or Chris especially) might say "It is better than you deserve you fat bastard."  They are probably right.  It's a newly renovated efficiency apartment with pretty much everything I could use in it.  And, in an evil plot to keep me in Tbilisi, the rent is all paid by Mr Vampire himself Mark - in addition to my normal salary.

I feel like a very grateful and very very lucky man.

Did I mention that it seems to be in a nice part of town with an inexpensive Arabic restaurant right across the street?  Yeah boy.




ROLEPLAYING

Note:  This is something that happened in the Heroic Cthulhu Roleplaying game and copied from Facebook to save it in perpetuity.

A Sal Brothers story, told by Justin Doyle


So there we were, two 1920's gangsters in Dunwich. Looking at the map, Matthew Lunn decides we should check out Panther hill:

Me: "I don't want to get mauled by a panther."
Matt: "There are no panthers in Massachusetts."
Me: "Fine."

So off we go to Panther Hill. Suddenly, Logan Horsford calls for a spot roll. I fumble. Unbeknownst to me, Matt sees a panther in the forest, about to maul me. What does Matt do? Waits for it. I get a little chewed up before finally killing the beast.

Score: Dunwich - 1, Sal - 0

A little while later...
Matt: "We should check out Bear Gorge."
Me: "No. No bears."
Matt: "There are no bears in Massachusetts." (I see a pattern developing...)

Cut to: I've been mauled by a bear, I'm near death and unconscious. Matt finds a helpful local NPC and a stretcher and they begin running with me to a local doc. Running rolls for everyone! Matt passes, of course. What does Logan do? In Logan-esque fashion, he fumbles. Great, now I'm tumbling down a hill whilst strapped to a stretcher.

Miraculously, I survive the run/fall/roll/catastrophe to the doc. Matt, in a moment of "divine" inspiration, calls upon Yig to help heal is mortally wounded brother.

Cut to: The doctor dies from venomous snake bites.

Now, what does any insane gangster with access to a small pharmacy filled with unlabeled bottles do? Inject the medications at random till something works!

Score: Dunwich - 5, Sal - 0.

In a moment of luck only Matt could acquire, he does, in fact, find the right meds. A little sloppy first aid (I ended up with a bandage job that looked like Jack the Ripper went to town on a person being mummified alive), some pain killers, and time to get the fuck out of Dunwich.

Score: Dunwich - 5, Sal 1.

Most stories like this end here. But oh no, not a Sal Brothers story! See, in dealing with the "thing" in Dunwich, Matt and I managed to kill just about everyone. This left an incredible area of low cost land that was just waiting to be developed. So we did what mobsters do: Buy all the land, level the town, build a casino, and give it to our Uncle, the Don.

Winner? The Sal Brothers.

INSANITY, WOMEN AND GEORGIAN POLICE

INSANITY, WOMEN AND GEORGIAN POLICE

We had a guest who stayed at the hostel for three days then left, presumably and hopefully for greener pastures.  Other people who were in the hostel were all agreed on one thing - she was nuts.  I breathed a sigh of relief when she was gone.

Then, she came back.

Fortunately, the boss of the hostel trusts many of my decisions.  I tried the 'we're booked up' excuses with the girl but rather than just going off to find a different place, she insisted on staying here.  I closed and locked the heavy hostel door after telling her in no uncertain terms that she was not welcome to stay here.

She began trashing things outside, saying she wanted to kill people and die.  She insisted I call the police.

This put me in a bit of an awkward situation.  So, I called the owner of the hostel.

Unknown to me, he was literally in the middle of giving a speech on conflict resolution to a university audience.  Perhaps I could let her in until one o'clock then he could come and ask her to leave?  Not a good idea I responded.  She's trashing the place.  Eventually, he reluctantly agreed I should call the police.

While the owner was running out of the startled auditorium and heading back to the hostel, I phoned 112.  This is the emergency number for pretty much everything in Georgia.  Different than the American 911 or the much more logical UK's 999.

A couple of nice police officers showed up and worked on talking to the sullen woman who stood there hugging herself with her small wheeled suitcase nearby and large purse-pack on.  She wouldn't give them her name or passport and claimed to be a Hezbollah terrorist.

From my old days, I knew what that was.  How I wish we had been in America at that point.  While it is true that the people of America are some of the most paranoid in the world, they know how to deal with people who want to claim to be terrorists.  Cuff, search, car, gone.  Down to the department to process this bat shit crazy girl.

Not here.

This next part won't make a lot of sense without a bit of a detour into what I like to think of as the 'basic programming' that goes into Georgian's when they are kids.  In the Wikitravel page on Georgia, it says "Women are highly esteemed in society and are accorded a chivalric respect." This doesn't quite cover it.  To any Georgian man, the most important person in his life - until he dies - will be his mother.  Some cultures may find this baffling but here it is part of the 'basic wiring' that makes up Georgians.   Along with this, all women are placed onto a high pedestal.

Including women that are nuttier than a squirrel turd.

Despite the woman doing things like physically attacking the police, trying to steal their police hats and shredding the part of their notebook that contained information about her - the police treated it like a bit of a joke.   They were kind and patient with her to a point that, in my eyes, parted company with logic and prudence long ago.  Had this been a man doing these things, I am convinced he'd have been taken down hard, cuffed and stuck in a car.

Eventually, more high ranking and harder eyed police officers showed up until we had a couple dozen cops here.  Lots of cigarettes and paperwork were gone through.  One of the police officers mentioned he had even seen me on TV.  Small world.

She still refused to show her passport and nobody made her.

By this point the boss of the hostel had shown up and took center stage dealing with the police.  Despite the police dispatch having been thoughtful enough to send along a young officer who was very skilled in English, I was happy to fade into the background and let the hostel boss (Lasha) take lead.

Rather than leaving, I stuck around.  Police often have follow up questions.

They then informed me that their Criminal Investigation (CI) division would be showing up to sort things out.

CI did show up but no matter how many times they nicely asked, the sullen woman would not show her passport.  According to CI, this was not the first time she'd run afoul of the law though they didn't wish to elaborate on others.

Perhaps her rampant insanity is why she couldn't stay anywhere else and came back here.  Other hostels presumably denied her entry.  Gosh, I'm glad we didn't have any other guests.  With all of the police officers we had both in the hostel and smoking outside they would have had no where to sit.

It was baffling watching the procedure.  Nobody took the girl seriously.  They left their back open to her and even moved her inside in case she was getting slightly cold standing outside.

Eventually, CI passed the buck back to the local police who had called in the anti-terrorist unit (ATU).  After more waiting, they showed up and the local police and CI all left.

The ATU asked everyone (ie non- ATU) to please wait outside while they questioned the girl.  Again, even the gentlest of questioning could not get her to take her passport out of her tightly clutched bag to show them.

The ATU decided she was not a terrorist and posed no threat.  No bags were checked, no finger prints taken to compare on records, nothing.  They became of the opinion she was merely mentally ill.  The girl was also an Iraq citizen and it was felt that she was merely trying to get political asylum.  They have no department (or, according to the cops, budget) for such things here. 

So, despite having a go with personal property destruction, assaulting a couple of police officers, threatening to do harm to herself and others, they let her go.

Wish I was joking.

Her last words were "I know what to do!"  Earlier, she had threatened she would be back.  No doubt she will come back and reap more havoc upon the hostel.

Lasha, the hostel owner, is one of the more easygoing people I've met.  He was literally so enraged he couldn't say more than "Fucking Georgia!"

The sad thing is that had I gotten into any sort of physical altercation with her initially, I'd be cooling my heals in jail despite her being the one dancing with madness.

It's amazing to me how much bureaucracy and the programming given to children runs people.  It will be interesting to see what happens to the relatively crime free Georgia as more and more refugees keep flooding in.

TV TIME

TV TIME

It's odd that someone who completely shuns televisions as I do would get onto TV in a foreign country but here's what happened.

I have a friend named George who is a producer.  Yes, it was another of those sorts of conversations:

Logan:  "You are a producer?"

George:  "You know that I am."

Logan:  "I do?"

George:  "Yes."

If I don't have Alzheimer's, I may be able to fake my way into it.  Unintentionally.  Sad.

So, George called me up and wanted to 'make me famous' by having me on Georgian television.  While I don't think it would make me famous, I figured it might be interesting.  Since I was suppose to work for him that day and because I respect his opinion, I contacted Mark, the game designer I've been working for and he encouraged me to try it out because it was something new and different.

It was different.  

They sent a car out to get me.  I ended up talking to the driver in a mix of Georgian, English and Spanish.  While I know that anyone who actually speaks Spanish would laugh at how little I know, I can 'make that shit work'.

We arrived at the station.  George was curious as to how I would handle this but in the USA I was on TV for some horrible 'cable access' type show so the cameras and lights weren't new to me.

I spent a short time in an office where the mayhem normal to a TV station took place.  A lady with blond-white hair seemed incredulous that in seven months I hadn't learned a lot of Georgian.  Despite it being one of the hardest languages in the world that I can't even hear some of the consonant changes of the truth is that I just can't be bothered.  But I didn't mention that.  Probably a good thing as she turned out to be one of the hosts of the show.

After a short time of waiting, I was whisked off to the set.  They were trying to explain I'd need to be wired up (earpiece, mic).  Since I didn't see any boom mic operators around, figured that would be the case.  

It would have been nice to be dressed in something other than a sweater and black t-shirt but I'm sure as hell not buying anything for a fifteen minute spot on a television show I don't even know the name of.  If the president or prime minister of the country invited me over for dinner, I'd ask their intermediaries if clothing would be provided or if I had to go buy something for the night.  Or if I can just come naked.

The earpiece they gave me came in really faint and kept trying to pop out of my ear.  While it is accepted that you have to wait for the translation, it was horrible to be trying to get it and not hear what the guy was saying.  This is at least part of the reason I look as clueless as I do.  The rest is all natural.

Interesting stuff on the way they do things:

It was all live.  They didn't tell me but it was.  Interesting.  Suppose it is cheaper than editing later.

The food on the table was not only real but fresh.  I expressed surprise at this.  Normally, food is either cold or fake.  They told me "You can eat it if you want."  Fortunately, I had enough common sense not to eat on camera.  Survivors tell me it is horrifying enough to live through but I don't want the moments captured and shown to prisoners as torture.  Violates the Geneva Convention.   Even the wine was real.  As you can tell by my slight choke it was pretty horrible.  Stuff I buy in plastic bottles for 5 GEL per liter is better.  Much better if I get the fancy stuff for 8 GEL per liter.  Don't know why they had that stuff.  Probably to discourage people from trying to drink it all.

There was no 'on the air' or guy giving a countdown.  When you are on the air it comes as a shock to the guests I suppose.  Well, at least those who don't speak Georgian.

The hostess had a laptop on the table.  Not sure why this is.  Haven't seen enough American TV to know if they ever do that.

No make up.  Due to the lighting, you can see how shiny my forehead is.  Bling!

At the end of the interview, I asked George what he thought.  He seemed happy and said I spoke from my heart.  Being just myself is what I was going for but I can't help but feel that if I'd understood the language it would have been a bit better.

Click here to watch Logan on Georgian TV!

WTF is up with my silly looking grin the whole time?  Guess I am just a happy person.  Or it was the fish hooks.  Not sure.

DO YOU HATE AMERICANS?

LINGUISTICS


Although I have picked up and can speak bits of more languages than I can usually remember, nobody other than the most generous - or demented - would ever think of me as a linguist.  With that in mind, I present for your reading pleasure,

A GEORGIAN LANGUAGE PRIMER - FOR AND BY NON LINGUISTS

Several factors make the Georgian language a huge pain in the ass for non tourists.  First, they have a unique alphabet.  While it can be argued that it is pretty, it doesn't type well on normal keyboards and looks completely incomprehensible to anyone looking at it.  This includes anyone who has not bothered to learn the alphabet.  That is to say, most of the world.

Compared to English, Georgian words often have two to three times the syllables.  This means that for simple things, long words.

Not sure if this language is in any way related to Russian, but like many central and eastern European languages, they have sounds not found in western European languages.  You may not be able to correctly hear the sounds, much less pronounce them.

It seems that the proper way of speaking Georgian is something between normal conversation volume and shouting.  Not sure why this is but anyone who says Americans are 'loud' clearly hasn't been to Eastern Europe.  This trait is not unique within the world, there are other languages which do it.  But, my brain seems to have seized up and none are coming to mind right now.

The one saving grace of the Georgian language is that they don't have words for many things so have stolen these words from English and added an 'ee' (as in 'tree') to the end of them.  Thus, 'computer' becomes 'computer-ee'.  Not sure why they do this but it is common.  At a guess, one out of ten nouns seems to be a word waylaid from English.  Unfortunately, as in many other cultures you have some people who don't understand their own words even when pronounced correctly.  This could be due to the foreign ear not being able to hear subtleties within the word, the dimness of the person or their obstinacy.   Hence, when you are trying to find something, attempt adding the 'ee' sound to the end of the word.  Even if the word itself hasn't changed, no understanding will be reached without the 'ee' sound.  Why is unknown.

In conclusion, it is dubious whether the Georgian language will catch on within the rest of the world.  Lazy people won't enjoy it as you have to make a lot more noise to express the same idea.  Computers don't like it because the keyboards are set up with the 'common alphabet'.  Quiet people won't like it.  My guess is that even 'pillow talk' is shouted.



NEW JOB - SOUNDING BOARD

How much is an idea worth?

Well, unless you know how to package it, market it and so on the painful answer is 'nothing'.

While I'm a great person for ideas, it is hard to get hired to simply come up with them and let someone else do the implementation.

Fortunately, I was hired by Mark Rein-Hagen.  For those who don't know, he did stuff like the company White Wolf, wrote the Vampire RPG, Magic the Gathering and so on.  And he has hired me to be his 'sounding board'.

The back story:

A friend let me know that not only was Mark on Facebook, but he was living in Tbilisi (Republic of Georgia).  I contacted him and we got together.

I pitched him the idea of me doing three free sessions with him as a sounding board to see if I could feed him useful and interesting ideas.  I figured that would be ample time for him to see if I was worth hiring and for me to see if I'd enjoy working with him.

Working with Mark has really put a new and interesting spin on staying in Georgia.

After the three sessions, we negotiated out a per session price.  For him, I figured this would be fair.  If he has a lot of projects and feels he is getting good value for money out of me, he can have me over to work more often.  If not, less often.  He is the kind of person who always seems to have several projects going so I figure there will always be work.

For me, I get paid every time.  Assuming we meet at least twice a week, I'll be making about two and a half times what I'm currently getting from the hostel.  If I do good work, he may have me over more often or up the rate.  All good.

I'm also enjoying this work for reasons than money:

Credit - I'm getting credit within the games.  Having my name in various projects made by someone with such a track record is a good thing.  Should I ever decide to write something, I'm pretty confident that it would at least get a serious perusal rather than just tossed into the 'unsolicited manuscripts' pile.

From my earlier attempts at writing fiction, I'm thinking that I will never be a serious writer in my own right but should I be a sounding board to a great (and apparently prolific) writer, that's great.

This is just the beginning.  Who knows where it will go?

QUESTION AND ANSWER


Michael Stone asks:

Do you ever get harassed/etc by being an american in these countries? A lot has been said since Bush was in office at the damage done for Americans travelling abroad and I was curious if any of it was true?


Logan answers:

I remember hearing a lot about that before I started traveling. Since traveling, I have discovered it is utter BS. Either it is xenophobic people or people who are justifying why they are too poor/scared to travel. In fact, I have found that in many countries, Americans are loved just as much or maybe more than other nationalities. Now mind you that people may not like the government but that doesn't apply to the individuals. Nobody from any country I've ever met seems to like their government. Also, I've met up with people that America is dumping bombs and shit on (Iraq, etc) and they've never given me any grief about being an American. Of course if they did I'd probably say something like "We're not charging you for the bombs are we? Stop yer bitching." Then they might start hating Americans.

5 DAYS OF WAR

SNAPSHOT

Snapshot of a day in the life of Logan:

About a week ago, I'd managed to burn my legs with hot water.  They are still very painful so it was with great reluctance that a trip to a hospital was planned.

Lasha (the owner of the hostel) was contacted and agreed to act as driver and translator.  Rather than just any old hospital, he took me to a clinic in the upscale part of town.

It reminded me a lot of the hospital in it's physical appearance.

We passed various offices in which medical staff loitered, doctors smoked and so on.

Two older ladies in white coats agreed to see us but mentioned that the burn expert was out and wouldn't be in for two hours.  Knowing that two hours could be two hours or much longer, I said "I don't need a burn specialist - I just need a competent doctor."

In translator mode, Lasha dutifully translated this.

They took a look at my legs.  They then told Lasha that in order to suck the heat out of the legs, I should put ice on them three times a day.

"I did specify I wanted a competent doctor."  I told Lasha.

This was also translated.

We managed to escape the 'medical' establishment before they could tell us anything like the correct construction of voodoo dolls and so on.

Lasha seemed to think we won a small victory because we didn't have to pay the 40 GEL consultation fee.  For the kind of mumbo jumbo they were spouting, I'd have been pissed if we had to pay that.

After picking up some ointment at the pharmacy next door to the clinic, I introduced Lasha to the American custom of "If you drive me around, I insist on buying you breakfast."

Georgians aren't really into breakfast as nobody in this country seems to like being awake or opening businesses before ten in the morning.  So, what we ended up getting was called a 'morning meal'.

It was served with the local moonshine known as 'cha cha'.

Logan: "Georgia is the first country I've ever been in where they drink hard alcohol as part of breakfast."

Lasha: "You are lucky because people travel round the world to find a place like this where for breakfast you can find high voltage alcohol."

For those curious as to what the morning meal entails, it was pig stomach and hooves boiled for six hours till it turned yellow (or was it green?  Probably yellow - not sure) served with (of course) bread.  Lasha really liked this but the stomach was how I imagine chewing on boiled car tire.  There was also cooked barley, mashed potatoes and cutlets which were probably beef and had no bones - unlike the stew.

I explained that because Americans like a nice steady flow of food from their plates to their bellies, bones piss them off.  Not so much with a big obvious bone, such as a t-bone steak but with little naggling bones which lie in the food like an upturned rake in tall grass.

The cutlets and mashed potatoes were very nice.  Didn't eat much barley.  Despite my last name, I am not a horse.



5 DAYS OF WAR


Nobody ever thinks of themselves as 'the bad guy'. It is human psychology to think of yourself as 'in the right'.

I'm watching the movie '5 Days of War' which deals with the very brief friction between Russia and Georgia. Haven't finished the movie yet but my guess is that it is resolved quickly. Like within say less than a week. Just a guess.

Anyway, there are 'militia' used by the Russians that wear masks. I'm wondering how the hell you justify to yourself that you are not the 'bad guy' when you wear a mask doing stuff. These were also popular to wear in other conflicts within Ireland.

The movie was useful in one regard.  When you ask people, whether in Bosnia or Georgia, what was the war like, they don't get into specifics.  They only say "very bad".  Many people aren't natural story tellers or the story is too painful.  The movie helps give some possibilities of what it was like.

As far as the 'Hollywood spin' on the movie - way too many people spoke English and way too well.  This is not the case.  In Georgia, you are more likely to speak German.  The main languages are of course Georgian and Russian.  But, Americans believe everyone speaks (or should speak) English and so the movie reflects this.

My final take on the movie - it's always depressing when people are dicks to each other, no matter who starts it.

AUTO-EROTIC ASPHYXIATION

WHY DON'T YOU WRITE MORE?

Honestly, I'm just sitting around the hostel most of the time.  Nothing really much to discuss.



PHILOSOPHY

Some people I've met display all of the competency of Chernobyl nuclear safety inspectors. Hopefully, they will die of auto-erotic asphyxiation dressed in Batman suits. As is the style of the day.

NERO LARP, stories of FA

I had put a request of Facebook for stories of the land of Fa.  Here is one from Kevin DeJaynes:

My first visit to FA. Jeremy Kennedy and I are going through a gate that Lumsie is going to open for us. he has prepared a guide to take us to King Nusmba to meet with him.

Lumsie gives us a two hour lesson on the etiquette of meeting the with king. We forget almost all of it before we even go through the gate.

Once we arrive in FA we are led past feild upon field of undead planting crops. We have no idea why they are planting crops because everyone in FA is dead or undead.

We arrive at the temple and our guide takes off running screaming "Your gonna die, Your gonna die." The door opens and group of Death Knights come out and surround us. We are then relieved of all our weapons, mystical energy, alchemy, scrolls and even some of our gold was taking as a "Fine for carrying weapons to the Kings Castle."

We are then instructed to follow the lead guard but after each step we must place our hands together and bow in a show of respect, the progress to the kings court is painfully slow. Once inside his chamber we have to assume the position of respect, one hand held out in front of us and the other curled up behind our heads, it was to prevent us from taking any actions.

The king is no where to be seen, soon we here a toilet flush and a door opens and a Lich comes out zipping his pants and takes a seat upon the throne.

We are instructed to kneel and bow and lick the floor. Licking the floor is a time honored tradition that basically means if the king wants you dead they put deadly ingested poison on the spot you are to lick. Next the king ask us for our names and demands his gift.

Opps Lumsie forgot to tell us about that one. My buddy JK looks at me and I look at him and we both shrug. Once again Numsba demands his gift and the Death Knights start chanting and moving in closer.

JK speaks up and says "You can have my death knight as your servant. The king accepts the gift and we begin talking. After a while we are told to leave and we stand and begin to bow and walk backwards to get out.

As we reach the door I ask JK, "Where did you get a Death Knight?

His only response was "Im sorry I panicked"

As we reach the door, the guards grab my shoulders and hold me as JK was escorted out, It then dawns on me, HEY IM A DEATH KNIGHT.

That was our first of many trips to FA.



VIDEOS

Some old videos I hadn't been able to upload yet - here they are...

Siem Reap Balcony
Bus Service in Istanbul
Driving Through Istanbul
More Driving Through Istanbul
A Little More Istanbul
Tbilisi
Tbilisi Skycar

THE BATTLE AGAINST TOOTH DECAY

Here's another story of Logan's pain and suffering to make your day a happier one...



SHINE DENTAL CLINIC

After getting to see the look of complete surprise on my face when a tooth fell out, I decided a trip the next day to the dentist was in order.  Putting off anything to do with your teeth has always seemed stupid to me.  As anyone who has read much of this blog knows, going to the dentist is never a good experience for me and is usually filled with pain - but it's still the smart play.

Nino is a Georgian girl who works here at the hostel.  When she came in, I requested she call the Shine Dental Clinic for me.  This is the same dental clinic that the third employee of Friends Hostel, Brigid had been to and recommended.

Nino booked an appointment for that very morning and Brigid gave me foolproof directions to get to the dental office.

Shine turned out to be reassuringly clean and staffed by three women dentists and one man whose job it was to operate the x-ray machine.

The only strange thing to happen was that the man had me hold the card in my mouth with my finger while they took an x-ray of the tooth.  He also didn't leave the room for it.  I've been told they have directed x-ray machines which don't spread radiation all over but this is Georgia.

I'm thinking he doesn't want children.

One of the dentists worked on me while the other mostly watched and translated into decent English questions and such.

They gave me a choice between simply pulling the tooth or attempting to put the part that fell out back into my head.  Their facial expressions told me they weren't at all confident about being able to get it back in nor how long it would last.

This was the same tooth they had attempted to fix back in Cambodia.  I figured that the tooth really didn't want to 'play ball' and get along with the rest of my mouth so I opted for the option to just yank it.

The procedure took over a half an hour.

Even with the shots they put into my gums to deaden the pain it was remarkably painful.  They used my other teeth to try to apply leverage and it often ended up with my lips between the unyielding teeth and the metal tools.

Teeth have three roots.  I found this out because each one ended coming out separately and painfully.  Various clamps and drills alternated for what felt like a month.

They didn't cheer when they got each root out but did have a mixture of elation and relief every time.

The dentist told me it wasn't the most difficult tooth extraction she'd ever had but it was in the top ten.

This came as no surprise.  Nothing with me ever goes easily.

After they had finished removing the tooth and I'd spit up a lot of blood they told me they felt removing it was the better option.

I'm glad they didn't say they should have left it in.

Yes, I realize that you can get implants but not at that dentist.  I'm also not sure what sort of quality they have here in Georgia.  Dentistry seems a bit...basic here.



COSTS

Getting a tooth pulled, 40 GEL (for the lazy ones out there, that's about 25 USD).
One X-ray, 5 GEL.

MORE HEALTH FUN FOR LOGAN

MORE DENTIST FUN

When I lived in the USA, a saying I heard stuck with me.   "Only floss the teeth you want to keep."

Last night while I was flossing, a molar fell out.

No warning, no loose tooth, no pain.

It just fell out.

Hence, today I will get to bring you a report on the Georgian dental system.  Woohoo.

Sometimes, bears come into the city of Tbilisi and eat random people.  The only defense against them is cha-cha.

For those who haven't heard of cha cha before, it is a clear alcohol.  This is normally brewed by individuals and sold under the counter.  If you've ever had moonshine, this is similar.  It has enough alcohol that you can light it on fire.

The taste ranges between 'drinkable' and 'ass'.

Bears don't like cha cha.

They prefer rum.



PHILOSOPHY


Any time I hear people conversing in a foreign language and they often switch into English because their language does not have the vocabulary, the same thought comes into my mind.

"Abandon your native language.  It has failed you.  Import more native English speakers at once!"