UKRAINE PLANNING

[Story from when I was living in Cambodia.  No idea why it didn't get published but here you go.]

MOUSE OR RAT?

Thinking that I am well use to Asia.

Picked up my shirt and a mouse or rat (I don't know vermin) scurried out from under it and ran off. 

Didn't flinch or yell, just started 'old man grumbling', shook out shirt then put it on.  Then, remembered the whole 'black death' thing, took it back off.  Got clean shirt.  More grumbling.

Went down to desk, told them about vermin. 

You can really tell when the whole language barrier thing kicks in.  Once you get off the well trodden paths, it's all barbed wire and thorns.  Googled a picture of a mouse and said 'in room now'.  Googled a picture of a mouse trap.  "Need!" 

I have no idea what he said after that.  With things off of the West Germanic or Latin language trees there is a chance.  With Khmer, no chance unless they are saying 'thank you'. 

No - I have no idea what language tree Khmer is from.  The one I found seems a bit more euro-centric. 

Anyway, after I'd left, the desk guy went into my room and put a plate with some cheese surrounded by sticky stuff.  Apparently it works really well as the mouse was caught by the time I'd returned from my walk.

If things like mice, cockroaches, poisoned water (I've managed not to get conjunctivitis so far by treating the water as partial poison) etc bother someone, I do not recommend traveling on a budget to Asia. 

Heck, even those who are traveling on a lot more money might get sick as I found out from my buddy Carolyn. 

Note - I personally still think it is worth it (traveling to Asia) and I'm looking forward to reading Carolyn's thoughts on it when she gets those down.

But I wanted to warn the more...mmmm.... discerning.



ONCE IN ENGLAND

It was time for me to do some research on my next jump.  I had decided on Ukraine.

There is a little city named Uzhhorod in the far west of the country that looked like it might bear some hanging out in.  And it is somewhat close to Lviv.

The problem is that airports like to put you back from whence you were.  I deeply suspect that the people are a bit anal retentive and rock back and forth violently if people don't do things in the normal fashion.

I wanted to fly into Lviv then take a train to Uzhhorod however I discovered there was no USA consulate there.  Only in Kiev.  Seven hours away.  Super.  So I would have to fly in to Kiev then take a seven hour train to Lviv then further transport west to Uzhhorod. 

I could either spend close to double for my plane ticket to fly into Kiev then out through Lviv or I could just suck up a couple days transport and go into and out of Kiev. 

What a pain in the ass.

I would like to get my passport updated however.

Yes, I know I could go back to Tblisi (Georgia - the country not the state) and get it done there however after spending close to a year there I think with the exception of perhaps visiting some friends briefly in the future I would instead want to explore other parts of Georgia when I go back.  I do like that country.

So it looks like I will be stuck on a lot of trains and such. 

Speaking of that, after the 1980's, the cost of trains in Europe (western Europe) became stupidly high.  For short scenic trips, probably great.  Looking at the travel time (a few hours vs over a day of travel) I'd rather go by air anyway.

I think I'll get enough train travel in Ukraine.

More when I figure out more!

Thoughts and Reminiscences

I am currently in Cambodia.  Three more weeks to go here then it's back to England.  Hopefully, I've missed out on some of the worst of the cold parts though February is going to still probably be fairly miserable.  We'll see when I get there.   I am looking forward to getting to see my buddy Matt again.







Cambodian Bottle Shop



I always talk to local folks

a) with some respect (they are humans - but still) and

b) as though they can actually understand more English than they let on.

[Also, people notice I tend to slow down my rate of speech by say 10% and I use no 'sayings' and such.  Just very vanilla speech.  I've been told often more than once per week I am super easy to understand compared to other English speakers who just talk loudly.]



A lot of people don't.  No idea why.  It could be that they are dicks. 



So I am buying some pineapple juice ($1.50/L) at a 'bottle shop' (not really as these are in cardboard) and was noticing the way the lady was 'messing up her English' with Cambodian was not consistent. 



"Why you speak English so good?" I asked.  I was trying a sideways tack because saying "Why are you faking a bad accent" probably wouldn't get me far.



The old (60? +?) lady gave me a long contemplative look and said "I use to live in the United States."



"For how long?" I smiled.



"Twenty years."



We both had a good laugh.  Since that time, I've noticed when she talks to me it is a lot more 'fluent' than she is talking to other tourists though softer.  I have suspicions why but don't really care to ask her.  Don't even know if she is conscious of it.  Code switching and all that.







Rant on spending money



Was talking to an Ozzy.  He asked how much the rooms were at Viva.  I told him for a long stay you can get them for as little as $13. 



He told me the place he was staying in was $80 per night.



I'm thinking "How?  WTF are you getting extra for that?"



Don't get me wrong - if my budget was a lot more, I'm sure I could find a way to spend it but here?  It doesn't make a lot of sense to do so.  To me.



Yes, I've met the kind of people who paid an extra $20 per night for the exact same room I had but theirs had a nice garden outside of it they would pass on their way in or out.  No - they didn't spend any extra time in the garden.  They did not sit around and take drinks in it.  They would just briefly pass it on the way into or out of their room.  So that moved their room price up to three times what I was paying.  And they felt it was worth it. 



Things Logan just does not understand.







The story of Logan's Leg



DISCLAIMER: I only tell this medical story because someone may find it amusing. If you are sick about old people telling you what their medical problems are and thinking "Well, shit - hurry up and die then you old bastard", know I am right there with you. There is nothing more tedious than old people telling you their woes and not being able to shove them into a Futurama style Suicide Booth. If I was getting standard medical treatment in western style hospitals (as I have for some things in the past) you'd never hear about it. This might provide some mild amusement or illuminate you on what getting medical treatment is like in other countries. So please don't shove me into a suicide booth. I don't have a quarter on me anyway.



Decided to go see the doctor because the muscle in my right leg was hurting. Kind of a burning. Usually it kicked in after I'd walked 4-6KM but I'd felt a bit while I was trying to sleep. Since it is getting worse, figured I'd go to the doctor and see what is up.



Since it was DEC 30th, I was informed there would be no doctors around (at all) for a few days. I'm not sure who it was I got to speak with. He had a white coat and a doctor style mask so I figured he must be OK.



He asked me to write down what I wanted to tell him. This is a normal tactic for people who went to a middling or crappy school that teaches foreign languages. They often have teachers whose pronunciation is so horrible that nobody can figure out what they are saying. That's what happens when the school is too cheap to hire a foreigner. So the reading and writing end up exceeding the speaking - especially when the student talks to natives and discovers how bad their teacher sucked.



"You want drugs? Good drugs for pain?" he asked.



"I'd like to find out what is wrong first - also I take other drugs - will new drugs like old drugs or no like?" I asked. It sucks to try to figure out about harmful drug interactions with someone who I don't share a fluent language with.



But I do like that I get offered pain killers everywhere I go. Better than getting offered euthanasia. I fear that may be the next step for a lot of doctors when they see me.



So I wandered off. Decided to just suck it up, hope it wasn't a harbinger of something more serious and just walk around.



Happened upon a clinic. "Fuck it!" I said.



"Money consult doctor?" I asked after establishing their English skills. Most foreigners get frustrated when people don't speak their language. They then refuse to simplify what they are saying and speak more slowly. These inconsiderate people need a slapping.



"Five dollars." I then confirmed it a couple times with hand signals until I was sure this was correct. Nothing better than when they don't know the difference between five, fifty and five hundred. But yeah - five bucks.



Great. I sat down and watched them try to take my blood pressure.



My arms aren't that big but I make Asian people look tiny. I think I could actually eat one of them. Sure, I might be hungry again in a couple hours but - oh gosh was that insensitive and racist. Fortunately, I am old. Not as bad as your old racist grandmother who still refers to blacks with slurs but still. OK - I'm fat. Huge.



Though my arms aren't all that big it was still more than the little BP collar they had could take.



Ever watch some lady try to hold a stethoscope, pump a blood pressure collar and hold it together all at the same time? That's great entertainment.



They brought a bigger one and did it. They didn't tell me what my BP was or comment at all on it. I wonder if it was a 'yes' 'no' thing for them. "Does the patient have blood running through their system? If yes, continue on. If no, get payment first then continue on.



The doctor's English here was a bit better than the other place. Told him my problem. "I think your blood is not moving around on that leg so well." Neat.



Logan: "Well, walking helps, right?"



Doc: (Pause) "Not you."



Logan: (Pause) "Shit. Well, I'm still going to walk. I'm too fat."



Doc: (Shrugs)



Logan: "Any way to test this to see if you are right?"



Doc: "Not here. Maybe Thailand."



Logan: (Named off other hospital).



Doc: "No - not in Cambodia. Need to inject tracer fluid and watch."



Logan: "Shit."



Doc: "I give you drugs. Keep legs up. Sleep with legs up. Sit with legs up."



Logan: "I can't do the legs up thing but I'll take the drugs." (What a world where the best medicine can do is 'keep your legs up.)



Cost of medicine: $6.25.



No idea if they will help but I was told to take them for a week.



[Follow up after all the medicine was taken.  If they did help, they managed to do so covertly.]







FLASHBACK - GERMANY



(Sometime in the late '80's or early '90's.)



Back in the old days when I lived in Germany, I was riding a street car.



Yeah - they have them.



Anyway - there was some guy who was trying to make a left turn and made the mistake of going into the street car lane.



The street car run it's bell at him several times but he just sat there - waiting for traffic.



The street car driver radioed in, then slowly advanced on the car and pushed it out of the way.



Needless to say, the driver was freaking the hell out. Germans LOVE their cars. And his was being destroyed.



Everyone in the street car was wildly cheering.



The polizei showed up and arrested the driver.



It was excellent! They are really in to keeping their schedule there.







FLASHBACK - IL - 90's?



Long ago (15 years? More?) I was with some young lady - don't remember who - it was a co-worker - driving in my car down the highway when I was literally surrounded by police cars. One in front, one in back, one on each side. And they just kept their pacing. Because I always drive at or under the speed limit (and have never had a warrant out for me), I just kept driving.



The girl freaked the fuck out. "What's going on?" she demanded.



I looked at her and said something lame like "I have no idea." I wish I'd said "You know - I should have probably told you that I smuggle uranium." or something like that.



I think the cops either didn't notice me, were fucking with me (likely) or just wanted to give me a brief police escort.



Eventually, (maybe they ran my plates or just got bored) they all sped away.









PRICES (Cambodia)



Haircut:  $1.25 (away from tourist area)



Dinner at Viva! Mexican restaurant:  $4 to $8 for normal things though I think they've got a $15 steak I've not tried.



Beer:  $.50 to $1.00 depending on where you go.



Room:  Fancy hotels are approximately $30 to $50, depending.  Viva! offers walk in rooms at $20, $18 with a special, $15 with a different special (no idea why two different specials) and $13 per night for long term (a week or more?) aka $403 per month (yes they want that $3).



Tuk Tuk:  If you don't get sick of everyone always asking you if you want a tuk tuk (pronounced "Took, took") ride you are simply not human.  Rather than flipping off the people is bad.  Just ignore them completely or give a tiny shake of the head.   These guys are often more beggar than taxi.  They are interested in getting money in a big sort of way.  Taking someone for a day in Angkor Wat is the dream for them as there are a lot of super dumb people who will pay a lot more than the $20 it should cost.  They are usually not very educated.  Things like maps and business cards written in their native language tend to confuse them and they will often have to have a small conference while holding it upside down and trying to figure out what it means.  They just want their money.  Every dollar over one or two you pay for short trips shows how little you know how to haggle.  If you don't haggle a price in advance, expect to be charged outrageously at your destination.  Which they may not know where it is when the journey starts but they really want your money.







BOWING (for people not use to it)



As I was hanging out in Cambodia talking to people I was thinking "I bow so often that I'm not even noticing it half the time".  So I wanted to put together a quick guide for people who don't grow up in cultures that deal with it.



While various specialized cultural things may vary or dispute my claims, I've found "This fucking works".  Everyone knows you are a tourist and when I do these they seem very pleased and the feeling is that I am 'fitting in well enough'.



Neck bow - call it an exaggerated nod.  This is either for people younger than you, people in service industries (ones that hold open doors, wait staff, etc) and passing stuff.  Down, count to one, up.



15 degrees vs 30 degrees.  These are from the waist.  (The degrees are how much your body moves.)  The smaller one is for things like meeting a business person, etc.  Normal 'we're equals' stuff.  (For those who are wanting to say 'wait staff are people too' yes they are but their job is overriding it as far as how much you bow.  If you want to soothe your conscious, tip them heavier and they will get the fuck over it.)   The 30 degree bow is the 'big one'.  Meeting in-laws, apologizing for fucking his dog to death and shit like that.



Most westerners confuse people when they are doing too big of bow to the wrong people when then have to re-calibrate to deal with that person by at least matching their bow.  If they are hesitating then bowing that means you are fucking it up and doing too big of bow and they are doing a big one to match so that they are not seen as rude.



For a quick westernized translation:



Neck bow = friendly smile

15 degree = handshake

30 degree = handshake and apology or "Oh my god I can't believe I am meeting you".





EXCELLENT QUOTE



Disclaimer:  Logan did NOT come up with this - it was some clever Canadian lady.



"Every day you spend actually traveling (on a plane, in a bus, etc) is a day wasted."