THE GRIM NORTH

CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS

Wanted to do a bit of an update.  Otherwise, people might think I'm dead or no longer interested in my blog.

Both are untrue.

Yes, we are all a bit surprised I am still alive.  I average about one near death experience per year.  Or Death averages one 'near-Logan' experience a year - depending on how you look at it.

As to why I haven't been posting much, two reasons.

First, I was visiting friends for a few months as I went through the USA.  I didn't want to intrude on their privacy.

My life is pretty public.  Anyone reading this blog should have a pretty good idea what kind of person I am and how I feel about most things without me being worried about losing a job or some crap like that.  I am able to be honest.  And I don't mind having a spotlight shone upon my life.  I am a fairly 'public persona'.  Not saying many people in the public know me but if they wanted to look they could surely find out about me.

The people I went to visit didn't sign up for that.  They just wanted to hang out with Logan for a bit.  So I didn't report on stuff going on.

Second, I've hit the point where I am not encountering much new stuff.

I am not tritely saying I've "been there and done that" for there is plenty I've not done and many places I've not yet been.  However I would need to go and do some new stuff to get new information.

Just the other day I was discussing my post England plans with Matt and said I'd be going back to Thailand and Cambodia over the holidays because fuck the cold and that I was a bit bored of it.  He said that he wishes he could travel so often to the far east as to become 'bored with it'.

Which struck me as very odd when he said it.  I forget that I am now considered 'decently traveled'.

For those wondering how many countries I've actually been to, I stopped counting both the number of countries I'd visited and my age when I hit fifty.  Why continue counting?  Do I get a cash prize at some certain number of countries?  When I hit ten years of non-stop travel?  When I get to throw a spear at someone?



WHAT AM I DOING NOW?

I got brought to England to run a tabletop roleplaying game for a buddy of mine.  He's taking care of room and board for this.  Nifty.  For the five of you who can't get enough of Logan, you will be able to eventually see the campaigns as they are being recorded and will eventually be released onto Youtube.

So I will be doing that for a total of just under three months (visa runs out then) and then traveling to Thailand/Cambodia (the only countries I seem to enjoy in SE Asia) and hang out there for 3-4 months then fly back.  I already have my return ticket.

The next break from England I may end up going to somewhere in Eastern Europe (I enjoy EE) that I haven't been before.  I'm pondering Croatia.  I need to research it - but it is outside of the EU (as soon England will be BWAHAHAHA) and does have a Roman Colosseum I wouldn't mind seeing.



WHY IS LOGAN HAPPY ABOUT BREXIT?

Well, because the Brits have decided to fuck themselves and it may just make my life a wee bit easier.
The first thing that will come about because of this include Britain no longer being part of the Schengen Area which means that I can visit England then go to a different country within the Schengen area.  I am sure that someone out there who is upset at my joy might counter that it could be hard for me to get into England.  Given how many English retired people are still living abroad (bunches) in the Schengen area, I'm thinking that I will be OK.  Despite racist, nationalistic, xenophobic and nostalgic idiots wanting to cut England off from the rest of 'globalism', it is impractical.

The second thing is that the British pound sterling will do a face plant.  Looking at what happened to it when there were just rumors of an upcoming Brexit then when they announced the vote for Brexit, I believe there is a very good chance the pound may sink to as little as 1-1 with the Euro.  For me, this would be decent new.  Better if I had more money - but I don't.  So I will keep an eye on it and buy a bit more if it does indeed face plant.   Even if it doesn't, I think it will be a significant amount of time before it can climb back to anywhere close to what it use to be.



THE GRIM NORTH

My travel mentor is named Adam.  I've known him for close to six years now, having met him when he owned a hostel I stayed at back in Ukraine.  I went out to stay with him for two nights in Lancaster.  Who else remembers the War of the Roses?

Anyway, they call this area 'The Grim North'.  Half the day it rains, the other half it is overcast.  Horrible weather.

I had some unusual sleeping arrangements which Adam took pictures of and posted on his Facebook.  I am going to repost them here, along with his comments:


So Logan comes to stay for a few nights.....but as many of you know he snores like a bastard....and you live here.

...so you put him in a tent outside in the yard on top of the 4x4.

...and laugh and laugh and laugh...

...watching Logan get into his new accommodation...

...and so doesn't break his neck going for a midnight wee....You give him his own WEE WEE BOTTLE...

...and everyone slept happily ever after.


End of Adam transcript.  And yes, that is real pee in the bottle.  Don't tell Bear Grylls!

Once I got into the tent, it was comfortable - aside from the rain lashing down and a drip forming from condensation on the window.  Later this was fixed.  Getting into or out of the tent for someone fat and crippled - not easy and a bit painful.   But we made it work!

A note about peeing into bottles.  There is a technique.  Also, you get about two pees into one bottle before you are in the 'danger zone'.  Take several empty bottles to bed with you.  If you are cold, it can make a 'hot water bottle'.  Make sure the cap is on tight though...



IN CONCLUSION

So that is what I've been up to.  I realize that a lot of people would like to see more consistent posting but interesting stuff doesn't normally happen on a consistent basis.  And I'd rather post now and then than to just have a bunch of crap.

CASTLE OF BONES

TRAVELER'S TIP

Always try to meet at locations which have something interesting there. You don't want to be in a dump out in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do before they arrive. And see suspicious locals. As is often the case with such meetings, other incidents and such may cause you to arrive way early of the meeting. Always ask the other person 'What's around there?' If they say they don't know, you're probably in Prague.



THE FLEA MARKET

We were suppose to meet Jana and Mirianna at a station. Unfortunately, Pete and I arrived an hour and a half early. We found it to be the most boring stop in the world. There were even two older guys who were there insistently trying to help us get to another stop. They kept telling us (in both English and German) that just one stop down was a market and we should go there instead. After thanking them politely and looking around anyway (were they hiding something cool for us to see like a giant golden sphinx? Sadly, no) we did so.

The 'market' turned out to be a semi permanent flea market run pretty much exclusively by Asians. Littered in among the desultory clothing stalls and a couple of strip clubs. Being that this was Sunday, nearly all of the businesses and most of the stalls were closed. There was also one of the Czech lottery places ("Fortuna") around. It was a pretty grim, lower class area. Pete then suggested we go to two stops in the opposite direction, which would put us one stop away from our meeting point. There we found a better place to meet up - a pub. Two drinks 155 CZK. A note on drinks here, if you order 'rum and coke' you may end up paying for both the coke and the rum shot separately. You will get a can/bottle of rum and a glass with rum in it. I'm not joking.

We met up with Marianna who had to go to a birthday party for a twelve year old girl. I had brought along one of my two pirate flags. I didn't know if we'd get invited along to the party or if I'd just send it along. I ended up just sending it along. I felt it was best not to try to lock kids into gender roles from an early age. If she wants to grow up to be a pirate, by god she should. I am curious to hear back from Mirianna as to how it was received.

We all went to the 'Blind Cat' restaurant. It is a quirky place with badly done amateur paintings of cats, pictures of cats, statues of cats, etc everywhere. Fortunately, no actual cats were in evidence.

Jana got to get her 'weird on'. They had one of the small sticks with ribbons on it used for Easter to hit women with to get them to give men eggs and chocolate. I don't think the symbolism is too hard to figure out here. Anyway, Jana decided she wanted it and was wandering out with it. The waitress came out after her and asked 'Is that yours?' Jana replied, 'It is now but if you want to sue me, I will give it back!' She sometimes gets very odd, but she is a gamer. We expect that sort of thing.

After that, we went and did something uniquely Czech. An amusement park. [50 CKZ each person for admittance. Rides ranged from 30 CKZ to 70 CKZ per go.]

While the rides were gaudy, decreped and many banned in the USA due to serious safety concerns, it was a nice time. Best of all, there were no lines - not even short ones - anywhere. This was 'very Czech' as it is completely unknown to tourists. The fair is held mid march to mid april every year. The place it is held at is Vystaviste, the fair is called Matejska Pout.

Jana: "Ï've liked it since childhood. I went every year. Now, I rarely find the time (to go). None of my boyfriends wanted to go there."

Pete: "Enjoyable - not touristy Prague. It's actual Czech people going there. On one hand it reminded me of every carnival I've gone to in Australia. On the other, it wasn't aimed at tourists."

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get Marianna's opinion as she had been sucked off to a birthday party but she was the one who suggested we go there, so my guess is that she enjoyed it.



LIES ABOUT THE CZECH REPUBLIC

I was told before I came here that beer is cheaper than water. Beer typically costs 30-70 CZK depending on where you get it and what you get it. I bought a bottle of water for 12 CZK.



CZECH TRADITIONS

The tradition of 'all girls go to the restroom at the same time' also is observed here.

Czechs love their dogs like Germans love their dogs. Translation, dogs are allowed almost everywhere. If you go into a pub, chances are you will find someone who loves their dog too much to leave at home in the pub. Many of the dogs are well enough trained the owners don't even have to leash them. From the American owned dogs, this is a huge step up. Unfortunately, many Czech dog owners don't get the concept of 'clean up after your fucking dog' so dog shit litters the sidewalks. Be careful where you step.

We did have an interesting time when a lady who owned one of these dogs had a poorly trained and extremely willful dog who slipped its leash and invaded a pizza place trying to get ham. When she eventually managed to recapture it, the dog showed what 'passive resistance was' as she attempted to pull it away without dislodging the leash. Someone outsmarted someone else that day.

In the Czech Republic, they often turn off the street lights. You just get them blinking yellow. I remarked to Jana that only the smallest towns in the USA did this, never a major metropolitan cosmopolitan city. She replied that "the lights are tired and need to rest."

Despite smoking being amazingly common, it is illegal to smoke at spots people wait for trams - you can be fined. Nevertheless, it is common practice to do so. I have seen people do it even in front of the police.

The Czech Republic has their own soccer (football everywhere but the USA) hooligans fro the two teams, Slavia and Sparta. We saw some of them chanting loudly outside of a supermarket. I thought it was a useless waste of time to do it - perhaps they were wanting to show people how rebellious they were. I think in the USA, cops would appear to break up that shit.

Rarely during the day but always after midnight, a pair of cops stands at the back of every street car. I think they are on buses and subways but I'm not really sure. I am wondering how many cops they actually have in the Czech Republic to be able to do that. Of all of the cities I've ever been in, this one far and away has the highest police presence.

In what I have seen of the Czech Republic, they have what I refer to as the 'Czech Stairmaster'. This would go a long way to explain the firm posteriers I've seen on many of the women here. To be more direct, there are lots of stairs and hills everywhere. I really don't think anyone from this town would ever buy a 'Stairmaster'.

In the Czech Republic, you can't get a proper shave. Every Czech I talk to always comes up with 'shave yourself' as the answer to this question.



CZECH SERVICE

I wanted to revise my earlier 'Czech Service' article to say that 'Czech service is very hit or miss'. We've gotten some really good service - maybe from a fourth or so of the places. From approximately one fourth of the places, apathetic at best service. The remainder could be characterized as 'We are here to drive customers off' service. But the good service - when you get it - can be really, really good.



THAI MASSAGE

One of the things I had hoped for before coming to the Czech Republic was that services - such as a massage - would be reasonably priced or really cheap here. This is not the case. From a flier that Pete found me, here are some prices:

Thai massage - 800 CKZ, 60 min or 1500 CKZ 120 min.
Foot massage - 700 CKZ for 60 min.
Ritual massage - 1450 CKZ for 90 min.
Relax - 450 CKZ for 30 min.
Visage - 450 CKZ for 30 min.

I know that when you go into a place like this, you usually end up getting several services, sometimes at once. No, I'm not talking about the 'happy ending' service - just the usual massage stuff. For me, the effects of a massage in the past wear off in about three days. I have zero interest in spending a couple hundred dollars or more per three days to feel better. I've got to wait till a cheaper country. BTW - if those prices sound good to you, go to the corner of Narodni ad Mikulandska in Prague - it is called the 'Relax Centrum'.



EUROPEAN HAIRSTYLES OF MALES

The women have pretty 'standard' hairstyles and theirs are too varied to talk about so I will discuss what I have witnessed of men's hairstyles. Disclaimer: These are not always true - there are always exceptions to the rule.

Long hair: Rebel or artistic temperament or 'dirty hippie'.

Long hair, dreadlocks: 'Dirty hippie'.

Clean cut: Average.

Short hair: Tough or athletic or 'skinhead'.

Hair swept up into a point in the middle of the head: Dick.

I'm not kidding about that last hairstyle. I have no idea who the hell came up with it or why. It is surprisingly common.



PHILOSOPHY

Seeing the old and young littering, as well as the graffiti which litters a huge number of the buildings, makes me uncertain as to what the people of Prague want but it might not be Prague.



LOGAN

Have you ever leaned back in a chair on two legs? Almost had it fall over and caught yourself at the last minute? I feel like that all of the time. [Disclaimer - someone famous may have said that in the past but it is mine now.]



CZECH LANGUAGE

'Yez' (sounds like 'yes' but with a 'z') is 'eat'. You say it when you want someone to eat. Imperative form, I suppose.



ENGLAND

Oh, how I wish I'd seen this before going to England. I've gotten a lot of good laughs out of it (and part 2) as well as putting myself in the same situation. Bitty!



JANA TRICERATOPS

Jana is changing her last name from (insert unpronouncable Czech last name here) to Triceratops. I think it's a step in the right direction for her.

I have also come to the conclusion that Jana is actually Italian. This would explain her great love of Italian food and complete lack of knowledge of Prague for someone who has lived here 'all of her life'. My guess is that she recently came to Prague - within the last few months. She had been complaining that Prague had no cheese shops. Within an hour, Pete and I found two very nice ones.



JANA QUOTE

"You will crossdress in Czech Republic!" Be ye warned says I.



PETE QUOTE

"Radioactive ants striding through your brain!" I think he wanted me to look it up on the internet but I didn't find anything so think that the small sip of Absinthe he had must have caused him to say it.



MISCELLANEOUS STUFF

Prague gets a shitload of tourists from all over the world. I am pleased to say that Americans are in the running for loudest and most annoying. However, many other peoples are in competition for this - especially after getting drunk.

I booked passage via bus to Budapest for 500 CKZ - just about 10% more than a meal for two at a nice restaurant. After getting a lot of reports that Slovakia is hugely boring and more expensive than the Czech Republic, I decided to give it a miss and just travel through it. I have to leave at six something in the morning but that will put me there by one or two in the afternoon - plenty of time to get settled into some sort of hostel.

My favorite bar in Prague does have soft music playing. It is called "La belle Epoque". Address is Krizovnicka 8. Open from 12-2. Although the 1980's music playing is a bit loud, i like the layout of the place and the waitress we had was (gasp!) friendly. Jana, Pete and I went there. I got drunk and said many philosophically deep things that will be lost to the ages.

Bummer.

Pete (who I habitually call 'Holmes' - keeps me from calling him Richard, Matt or Logan) bought a new small 'travel case' for his glassses. 120 CZK.

On the outskirts of Prague, Pete and I found a McDonnald's with a drive thru. A heavy weight descended on my heart as I knew Prague was doomed.



CASTE OF BONES! (Sedlec Ossuary)

It's actually a cathedral full of bones but we call it the 'Castle of Bones' because it makes us happy.

It's moderately easy (or moderately difficult if you are Logan) to get there from Prague. Three round trip tickets - 381 CZK. How did they come up with the one in the last digit of the price when it is for three people? Who the fuck knows. We had two transfers to get there and a direct train back. Travel time each way was approximately an hour.

Czech rail doesn't really strike me as 'user friendly'. Sometimes you have to find the train that leaves at the time you are looking for, then look for the right track and other weird stuff. It can be a bit confusing until you get use to it.

On travel wiki, they recommend arriving in 'kutna hora mesto'. 'Mesto' is the town itself. The stop previous to it is actually closer to the site but unless you've done a lot of research - to the point of getting town maps and such, I don't think you'll be able to find the 'castle of bones'. I recommend going to 'mesto' station and finding the town square and information center. From there, get to a bus and have it drive you around or walk the medieval style (read as 'designed by madmen and not for cars) streets.

The 'castle of bones' town was a small town. [The cathedral was in it as opposed to our in the boonies.] We (by we, I mean mostly I) wanted to go to a pub first. We tried four. Two were closed, one seemed to have no entrance (literally) and the other had literally run out of beer and didn't seem to have a lot else to drink. Keep in mind, this is a town that has a pretty fair amount of tourism. We eventually just gave up and ate at a somewhat mediocre Italian place. Czechs in general (and Jana in particular) seem to have a great love for Italian food. If I get to Italy and find it littered with Czech fucking restaurants, I will be very confused.

Eventually, we stumbled across the town square and found a lot of bars and restaurants there. Figures. Hence, if you ever get to this town to see it, just hold out till you can get to the town square. Everything good is there.

Matt (AKA Wanker): You are going to have to raise your game in tour guiding! Jana told us a cohesive story about the war between the vampires and humans in explaining the town the 'bone castle' was in. She described the church some of them lived in to this day, though the war had greatly reduced their numbers. It was actually quite interesting and detailed.

The 'Cathedral of Bones' itself is actually called Sedlec Ossuary. Before I came to the Czech Republic it struck me as something extremely unique. For those who can't be bothered to click on the provided link, just imagine 10,000 people. Probably everyone you've ever known and will ever know. Now, take all of their bones and stuff them in this place. At some point in time, some 'clever dick' got it into his head that he had all of these bones around ("Look at the bones!") and they could be put to good use. They decided to make all sorts of neat stuff out of them and have tourists through there. I think it was a good idea.

Reflections on Sedlec Ossuary:

Pete: "Almost unreal. I know they're human bones but it doesn't connect. No overwhelming or saddening feeling. Just 'hum - interesting - bones'. I felt more emotion seeing bones in the museum. They could have been piles of dog bones for all they meant. I felt more emotion looking at St. Barbara's Cathedral because of the architectural wonder of the flying buttresses - not because it was a church."

Jana: "I did say I'm terrified of death but this didn't terrify me. They should have one triceratops head in there, it would have been much better. It was kind of calming. I like how every skeletons a little bit different."

Logan: "It didn't have a morbid feel to it. I thought the art and chandelier was brilliant. We were told to take our hats off when entering but I was planning on doing that anyway. When we went in, we were given an unwanted piece of paper that had facts and such that I didn't give a shit about on it. They didn't charge us extra to take pictures which the website claimed they would. I didn't think I'd be affected by the thought of so much death as I am an insensitive bastard. I was correct."

Cost notes for Sedlec Ossuary - a 136 CZK per person ticket gets you in to see three or four different things in the town of Kutna Hora. It's a good deal if you get it. The one we got was sold at the first place there. I'd recommend arriving at noon or before into the town and be ready to either figure out where the buses are (you can buy tickets on them) or doing some pretty heavy walking.

When we were on our way back, we made the mistake of trying to use the railway toilets. Neither the men or womens had any toilet paper. It was 8 CKZ for the key. The ticket seller did give us toilet paper when we reported they were out. It was pretty nasty in those toilets like they were cleaned monthly, frequented by slobs between. And a couple months over due for a cleaning. We did see a guy rebelling (presumably) against giving up 8 CZK for a ticket to the restroom by peeing in a bush near the track he was waiting by. This reminded me, for some odd 'this is just how Logan's brain works reason, of a little girl in a dress who went into a department store and pee'd on their carpet. Her mother seemed angry but not surprised. I was suspicious she had trained her daughter and wanted to get back at the store for some reason. I give her high marks for a creative payback.

While we were on the train, I was attempting to talk Jana into doing something stupid that I could write about in the blog. She refused. If this upsets you, please write to Jana Triceratops, care of the comments field below. Had she done something stupid and funny, this blog would be all the more interesting for it.

Later that night, Pete took us out to a ritzy place to eat. We were dining outside. There don't appear to be many airborne bugs in Prague for some reason. We noticed that one of the staff was just hanging around outside, presumably to greet guests, but we also noticed part of her job seemed to be to chase beggars away and keep them from bothering the nice guests. Unfortunately, we found out that this restaurant is so greedy and grasping for money that they won't even supply guests (who have ordered food) with a fucking glass of tap water. I always get irrationally angry (like get up and leave) at restaurants that won't do this thing. Instead of giving you a glass of tap water, they want to charge you for bottled water. Pete had mentioned in Australia they were pondering making it illegal to charge for tap water. I think charging for tap water should be illegal worldwide. The food of this ritzy but insultingly greedy restaurant was OK but the brewery I described earlier (which was much cheaper) was better. If you want to go to a restaurant I won't again visit, check out Cafe Cvateho Vaclava. A fancy meal for three, 1600 CZK. WOW.



MARIANNA'S HOUSE

We got invited to Marianna's house. A couple of interesting notes on that. First off, I felt seriously cramped in the elevator. I usually think of a space as narrow if I can touch it with both of my elbows at once. There I could do that and keep my arms at my sides! You've got to wonder what they were thinking when they built it. When I get to a place where the internet doesn't completely suck and get to upload my pictures, Pete took one of me in that Elevator.

We had bought a bottle of Absinthe to bring over there. Warning - do NOT drink that shit straight. It's basically moonshine. According to Pete, the proper way to drink it is to light it on fire then drop a lump of sugar into it. This extinguishes the flames and makes it more palatable. They apparently have special spoons and all kinds of shit that goes with it. After trying it closer to the right way, it was much better. Bottle of Absinthe, 400-500 (?) CZK.



FOOD AND DRINK

At a three star restaurant, I had roasted duck legs, dumplings and cabbage. After I got it served, they wheeled out the pissed duck in a wheelchair so I could make fun of it. The dish came with dumplings and red cabbage. If you ever order this, I recommend asking for the red cabbage on a separate plate so you can figure out if you want it at your table. The stuff I got had the faint smell of a warm spring day sprinkled with the open sewer. I still gamely tried it - pretty neutral. Just that dish about 190 CZK. Lunch in a three star place for two with two spirit drinks, 445 CZK.

In England, we had a cider that everyone seemed to really enjoy. We just found it over here - in cans. Weird. If you get the opportunity to try it, try 'Rekordering' brand 'strawberry-lime'. Try that shit out. It is amazing.

A typical bar bill broken down:

Absolut blue, 78 CKZ
Caffee doppio, 86 CKZ
Cappuccino, 55 CKZ
Kahlua, 78 CKZ
Main course, 129-159 CKZ.

Total bill for several drinks, two mains, a 'starter' and two cups of coffee, 2258 CKZ or 98 Euro. Painful.



INTERNET ACCESS

I'm sure they have good internet access somewhere in this country but I haven't found it yet. When I do, I'm going to work on uploading all of the pictures I've got and so on. Till then, meh. The service here either doesn't work or is so bad when it does work that it is inconsistent. I am doing the blog by means of typing it into notepad and the later pasting it into bloger and hitting 'submit' real quick.

A RANDOM BARRAGE OF IMAGES

FROM THE BBC

Simpson's phrases used in the BBC? Wowza...



SPEAK ENGLISH ENGLISH?

Credit to Kurt's blog. Here's the link. This will be useful for talking to people in England.

George Bernard Shaw said "England and America are two countries separated by a common language." If you've ever heard 'cockney rhyming slang', you know it to be very true. If you've never heard much, here's a quick primer of some. As with American slang, this changes quite often.



QUOTE OF THE DAY

Eurotrip: "Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. We feature one medium sized room containing 70 beds which can sleep up to 375 bodies a night. There is no bathroom. Nor is there one nearby. If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. You can also try hiding your valuables. In your anus. This will deter some but of course not all thieves. Once you are inside, the doors are chained and locked from the outside. They will not be opened again until morning, no matter what. Should a fire occur due to our faulty wiring or, uh, the fireworks factory upstairs you will be incinerated along with the valuables that you have hidden in your anus. Tips are greatly appreciated."



ANOTHER QUOTE OF THE DAY

Vigo: "On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil!" - Ghostbusters 2.



DIALING COUNTRY CODES

From Richard, we have this.



JOSH

I beat Josh in chess. I wanted to gloat in this blog. Is it wrong of me to use a blog to boast to hundreds of people in thirty or forty countries that I managed to defeat Josh in chess when he hadn't lost in seven years? Josh thinks so. That adds to the sweetness of the victory. How many words can I put down just on this? How far can I stretch this out? Stay tuned...



FROM ERIKA
This gave me a chuckle.



SKYPE

Limited time offer on skype - if you're wanting to contact me via skype, do it now because I'm not sure how well it will work when I'm Europe. If you don't know my contact name in skype, put a message in the comments section and I'll contact you. I may record the conversations (if it's cool with you) for possible release later on a podcast. [I use skype for chatting with people because in todays world, typing is a bit silly.]



MOVIE REVIEW - EVOLUTION (2001)

This I classify as a 'fun movie'. It has several good actors in it and is pretty neat to watch. Sadly, this is the only thing I've seen worth a shit with David Duchovny starring aside from the X-Files...

It also has such quotes as: Governor Lewis: "I oughta throw the whole goddamn, jacked-up bunch of you in prison. No, not that cushy federal place with the loose jumpsuits. *State prison*... with the crotch binders!" When I heard it, I thought he said "crotch biters" - which IMO would have been better. Scarier. I'm not even sure what a 'crotch binder' is.

While IMDB gives this movie a 5.9, I give it a solid 8.

57 Days And Counting

MICHIGAN

For all of my friends in Michigan expecting a foot of snow, I have just one word. Migrate. I've never understood why people stay in places they don't like the weather of. "Oh, my family is here." Ug. Move them too. Stay out of the deep snow people!

On a slightly different note, I am a little jealous of many of the 'computer professionals' around today who are able to travel and do their work from where ever they want. This may be the first time in history (well, that I know of anyway) that you can go where ever you want and 'telecommute'. And - the relevant part for this discussion - you'd be able to leave a foot of snow the hell behind.



IMMUNIZATIONS

So, I was curious as to what kind of immunizations I would need for my trip. The answer pretty much came down to 'what country are you planning on visiting?' I asked (to get a base line) what would the typhoid immunization shot cost? They said 'no insurance'? I said nada. $89. Fuck that. I'll get it over there - it'll be cheaper. I'll have to make a special request for the 'no AIDS needle' but Christ - the cure sounds worse than the disease at that price.

For anyone else planning some international travel, the CDC webpage is a resource to check out.

The problem for me is that the immunizations depend on 'where do you want to go' and 'everywhere' is not a normal answer. Also, the 'health department' that does it in my area only does it two hours per day one day a week and by appointment only. In addition to charging an assload of money. Fail.



IRISH SUNGLASSES

Bad, worse, worst. What's the lesson here? Well, some people believe that going to Ireland is dangerous, dating Irish people is dangerous or that getting smacked around dangerous. I'm not sure what to think about it. Maybe everyone must get their own meaning out of it. Maybe there is no meaning. Maybe there is no maybe. Meaning there is no maybe. Maybe.



BE NICE TO WOMEN, BITCH

Go, go equality. This struck my fancy.



ENGLAND

From: "Pilot Guide", season 4, episode 7 on London.

Host: "Black pudding? What is this?"
Local: "You don't want to know."
Host: "It looks like dried blood."
Local: "It is..."
Host: (Pulls the 'what the fuck is this doing on my plate' face.)

Priceless.

A note on the guy who does the host of that particular episode - he seems to know bits of lots of different languages. I'd like to be there some day. Note - I checked out his IMDB it says "Known for his linguist talents: fluent in German, Indonesian, Malay, Thai, Lugandan and Swahili, and some Japanese, Lao, Hindi as well as several other African and Asian dialects." If I was rich, I'd probably hire this guy as a friggin tour guide.

Sorry, my brain doesn't seem to work that well for languages - looks like I won't get there. I would be happy to at least know a couple nice phrases in various languages. Despite having a large head (according to the Marines anyway) it seems to be pretty full. Of what, I don't know but if I find out I'll be sure to post it here.

I do like this Jonathan Atherton host because he does fit into the positive Australian stereotypes of 'fun, easy to get along with and doesn't take himself too seriously'. Not bad positive stereotypes to have.

Hum. Now I'm feeling bad because I'm having difficulty trying to think 'What are the positive American stereotypes? And before anyone says it in the comments section, I don't consider xenophobia and warmongering as really what most people would term 'positive', no.



ENGLAND GUARDS

Many of the guards in England use 'bearskin' hats. The PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) are annoyed with this because apparently one bear = one hat. I'm not sure what is done with the rest of the bear. The solution that the PETA people want the British government to find is a synthetic that can replace so that the bears in danger of over population will not be culled any more. The English army, I'm sure, would rather just feed the PETA people to the bears and have done with it. That would allow them to continue wearing these very distinctive - and need I say 'very English' hats. The hats, sadly, do not cover the ears and so allow for the army people to ignore the whining. In protest, the PETA people apparently staged a naked protest. I noticed that the PETA people smeared themselves with blood rather than doing the 'throwing blood on the people wearing fur and yelling fur is murder' thing probably because those guys in the 'funny hats' are infantry and they'd get stomped into the ground. I guess that's why the PETA people don't go after bikers - despite the bikers wearing all that leather. Now, not all PETA people are bad - at least one is good. But, if you don't like them, there are ways of expressing that too.



HOW TO BRIBE PEOPLE

I was discussing this with a buddy of mine today - much to the chagrin of other, more idealistic students in the coffee house today and wanted to note down some phrases that will help you when you need to bribe an official. Note that this is mostly for poorer countries because - hey - it's way too expensive to bribe someone in the US. But for border crossings and things like that, this may work.

"What can we do about this?" - A good phrase after being caught with an expired visa stamp, a key of coke or several dead hookers.
"Is there some sort of small fine or tax I can pay now to expedite this procedure?" - This may help things go more smoothly at the border.
"I'm sorry, I'm new to this country - is the giving of cash as a token of friendship acceptable?" - This one is totally an emergency one for when you aren't sure what else to do.

The key to all of these is to be able to have a way out if the person says angrily "Are you offering me a bribe?" You have complete deniability. You can say "No sir - I am just unfamiliar with the customs of border crossings and wasn't sure if I should be paying some sort of tax. I would, of course, get a proper receipt." Note, that if the 'paying of a small tax' (aka bribery) worked the first time you do not ask for a receipt. Things might go quickly downhill at that point.

Other tips - sometimes it is better to ask if you can speak to the highest ranking person alone before bribing them. Other times, when it is accepted behavior to bribe a group of people, you do not need to do this.

When ever you are working on bribing people, you must appear to be calm, cool and collected. Doing it with a smile is best. This can add to your deniability as well as keeping them happy.

There are surprisingly few good articles on the internet on 'how to bribe someone'. This may be the only blog that tackles such issues. But, in some countries the wait can be agonizing hours or less than a minute, depending on how you do it. If you are the kind of person who says things like "Well, it shouldn't work like that." and "People shouldn't take or give bribes.", you lose. Remember, even in America we regularly and routinely bribe people. Ever tipped at a restaurant? If so, you're doing it wrong. Try tipping before they take your order. Then, it becomes a bribe - and gosh you get a lot better service. The 'tip' as a reward for good - or even in some cases downright bad - service is much less effective. I wanted to try out this principle once in a Mexican restaurant. I took a friend with me. When we went in, I asked to speak to my waiter and gave him a $50 handshake. "Could you make sure my friend and I are looked after?" We had four waiters hovering - fucking hovering - around our table. When I asked if I could get a little more sauce, the table was filled with sauce. I'm sure the other customers were glad to see us go - I think we were the only table getting served while we were there. Some people have told me since "You should still tip afterward." I've thought about it and I think that is missing the point - they got their tip beforehand. Leaving a $50 on the table when we left would have not done anything for us. Next time you are taking a 'special person' out to dinner and want to impress, go for the handshake. Make sure the person you do it to is your waiter or you may blow the money.

Logan's blog - teaching people how to bribe people. Well, I guess that's something...




QUOTE OF THE DAY

"You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word." - Al Capone.