Note: At the time of this writing, $1 = 182 HUF.
CAFE COLONE
At a very posh cafe, Pete and I had "100 grams of marinated duck breast with apple salad with sour cream and cranberry sauce." 169 CZK/ea. Despite the run on sentence in their description (I can do that too!) it was the only small meal I have ever had that I would consider 'refreshing'. Both Pete and I enjoyed it. It was served with white and brown bread. This was served at the cafe 'Colone'.
The service was actually good and helpful there. Overall, a very nice experience.
The total bill for two weird coffee and kaluaha drinks (and a tea for Pete) plus food was about 530 CZK (about $31). Note, this is about the same as lunch for two in Blacksburg, VA and those were served in a much less posh environment.
Cafe Colone, Palacko 7 40/1, 11000 Praha 1. 420 202 518 816, www.cafecolore.cz.
CURRENCY CONVERSION
Remember, when you are trying to get currency exchanged, shop around. Even at 0% commission places, the posted rates you see might be confusing, misleading or in the local currency as opposed to the one you want. Shop around. Take notes and stuff. When I was working on getting Hungarian Florens, I drug Pete around to three different places and got three very different rates. I'd suggest keeping it simple - instead of asking the rate and all of that, pull out (for example) a hundred dollar bill. Have them show you on the calculator (a normal European thing), write it down and move on. Don't let their shocked or saddened faces dissuade you. When you are getting your currency exchanged, get a receipt and (this is the important part) their business card. Take a picture of their store if you want. Let them get the wrong idea. It may help or perhaps I do it to nurture my sadistic tendencies.
The third place I went to that had the better rates is:
Salsid - Smenara
vodickova 30, Praha 1
tel 02 / 24220611 or 777223400 kadi
CORRECTIONS
Note - the beer festival at the pub I went to at the 'Village of Rabbits' was actually an Easter Festival at a winery. Apparently, Ivan's wine is so good that if you drink enough of it you don't know what the hell is going on any more.
Before and after the Village of Rabbits, we had been talking about staying at Jana's house but Marianna generously allowed us to stay at her house. As people who have played or listened to Heroic Cthulhu know, Sanskrt (Jana) had rocking internet from Marianna's house. When I was there I was able to get my photos uploaded. Thanks again Marianna!
Thanks Pete for pointing these out.
WELCOME TO STARBUCKS, BITCH!
I'm not sure what percentage the mixture between Czechs and tourists was, but the place was huge and packed. It was confusing given the Czech mindset of 'penny pinching' I'm wondering if it wasn't mostly tourists. Here's the baffling part:
Chai tea latte, 115 CZK ($6.76)
Frapicchino (my usual drink), 135 CZK (7.94).
This makes Starbucks in Europe about 50% more expensive than in the States. I'm not planning on going again, but I wanted to drag Pete in so that I could report on the prices. End result, stay the fuck out of Starbucks unless you want a really overpriced, overrated cup of coffee. The posh coffee cost less, tasted subjectively better.
MORE CZECH MEETINGS
We also met up with Anna's boyfriend Fanta who gave me a good quote: "I think people (in the Czech Republic) need to learn to use freedom." Interesting stuff that.
REFLECTIONS ON THE CITIES
I had asked Pete (forgot to ask Jana) what he thought the major reason to go to some of the cities were. We really couldn't think of some simple reason to go to Munich. It will always be one of my boyhood homes but to travel there now- I'm not really sure why someone would want to unless they had a keen interest in Bavaria.
Pete's:
Prague: Old buildings, architecture, history.
London: History.
Amsterdam: Feels safe.
Logan's:
Prague: Stuff to photograph.
London: Least scary for people who only speak English as they kind of speak English there.
Amsterdam: Drugs and whores.
AN EXPAT PLACE
While we were at a coffee shop (a proper one) Pete found that the back was some sort of 'expat place'. I went in to check it out so that I could report on it. There was one guy on a computer who didn't speak any English or German. There were four women talking at a table who completely ignored me. After a few minutes, I thought that it was the typical bad Czech service I've come to expect and left. I have no idea what their deal was nor how they made money.
DISCLAIMER ON BUDAPEST STUFF
It may sound like I'm hating life and such but I am actually greatful to be here in Budapest. The first day was just really amazingly hard on me.
BUS TO BUDAPEST
Due to getting only three hours of sleep before leaving - or my bad memory - I had forgotten to offload my Czech coins to Pete. It turned out to not be a horrible thing though as the bus hit me up for a 10 CZK charge to keep a bag under the bus. Later on the bus, I managed to convince the lady in the seat next to me to accept 150 CZK of change for a 100 CZK note that I could trade for HUF later in Hungary. She seemed really well disposed toward me until I had nodded off for awhile then she changed seats claiming that the sun was shining on her too much. Such odd behavior! It is a complete mystery to me.
Even on the yellow 'Student Bus', I'd highly suggest taking your own food and drink as the guy who deals with that is a good example of the stereotype of bad Czech service. Plus, the coffee and water he gets come from very near to the stand up coffin they call a toilet so there is just no telling what happens with that. I believe you could even bring your own alcohol and it wouldn't be a problem if you are the kind of person that likes to initially arrive in a foreign country drunk.
In general, the countryside of the Czech Republic is fields, with a few trees. In Hungary it gradually switched to pretty much forests with some copses of wind towers. A shitload of wind towers.
One of the places we'd stopped in was Bratislava and my first impression was "Holy shit, Eurotrip was right!" In the same way that Prague is a lot of old and new, Bratislava seemed to be decrepit and new. Although where we were at looked like a shithole, a brother and sister (Germans) in Budapest told me it was a great party town with a lot of hiking and nature stuff. No, that tends to not help Logan's opinion but I put it in for completeness. While we were in Bratislava (the bus was on a smoke break) I did chat to a lady from Budapest who was confused as to why anyone would want to visit it after seeing Prague. My initial impressions confirm this but more on that later.
And, naturally, by the time I arrived in Budapest I sure was Hungry! That joke never gets old to me.
BUDAPEST DEATH MARCH
What a fucking day I've had so far. Pete would say that is my fault but I prefer to think of it as 'not my fault'. Pete is probably right.
I had gotten about three hours sleep plus a couple cat naps and I've been hobbling and standing for almost four hours since. My back and legs have given up complaining after the first two hours. I didn't even have anyone to complain to.
I had the wrong impression of what would happen in Budapest. I figured the bus would drop me off in or near the city center and there would be some hostels nearby. I was so wrong.
Although English has become the 'international language' (Czech use it here, for example) the people I have encountered in the so called 'tourist information booths' in the subways don't seem to speak much of it. They also attempt to appear closed and are annoyed when the ticket seller two windows down refers you to them. They have no useful information or maps for you. Several people (Hungarians) I talked to have nodded sadly when I mentioned this to them.
The subway cars I've encountered look like they are from the communist days and are pretty run down. I've since seen new clean modern street cars, but the subway system cars I rode on were not new at all. Avoid getting trapped in the doors as they look to be able to take off an arm. This appears to be a sport for the subway operators.
I got dropped off near the outskirts. I met up with an older Czech couple. The lady was asking me for directions. In her ability to approach random strangers and ask stuff, she was my equal. I decided to go along with them to see if there was any rooms free in the hostel (it wasn't) they said they had booked into. After watching her use the same method I use when trying to find directions to places (keep asking people enroute as you get closer and closer) we at last made it to their strange hotel. The manager wasn't around but the building security guard allowed us to use his cellphone to talk to them. No vacancies. I departed from the happy and nice Czech couple and started walking around asking people where a hostel was.
I don't recommend randomly asking for directions without having a map handy in Budapest. There are three possible reasons why and I don't know which, if any of them is true: a) the people didn't know what I meant by 'hostel'. It's the same word in both English and German. I used both. b) the people were ignorant of what was in their city. Note, this reminds me a lot of Jana. One guy I asked for a street location was a street sweeper. He said he didn't know and it turned out to be the street he was sweeping. I wonder how he gets to work? c) the people I talked to thought 'there is someone who can stand to loose a few pounds - lets give him the run-around.
All of the directions I got were confusing, misleading, bad, false, etc. I did manage to find a place that wanted 14,000 HUF ($54 or so) for a double room but that was out of my price range. I even got physically accosted by a homeless and/or crazy person. I was very close to saying perhaps I should just move on - but I wanted to give Budapest a chance.
But I found some nice people at a hotel that was charging around 50 euros per night (very much out of my price range) but the good people at the Ibis hotel took pity on me. They found me a place, called them to verify they really did have a room, gave me a map, got me directions and off I went.
Logan's advertisement for the wonderful people at the IBIS HOTEL. Stay there. They won't know who I am. Ibis Hotel, H-1134 budapest, dozsa Gyorgy ut 65, phone number (36-1) 392-0200. Nice folks. They sent me to 'Colors Budapest Hostel' Veres Palne utca 14, tel 361 266 8153, near the Ferenciek tere metro stop. Colors is a so so (for people I have been teaching English to, 'so so' may be replaced with 'meh') place but does nearly fit into my price range. And that's what counts.
In all of the other countries, Hostels want your business. They buy a big obvious sign to stick on their building to show you how much they want your business. Not so here. The custom in Budapest seems to be to try to hide a small business card somewhere on the building you are in of your establishment and try to avoid getting found. This has been the case of three different hostels I've been to. I don't know why.
Note that Budapest thus far does NOT seem to be easy for tourist to find their way around but I am still learning it.
While I was writing this, I am drinking overpriced German imported Weiss Beer (white beer, made of wheat) at 760 HUF ($4.22) each.
While I was sitting there, a group of five Germans and I fell into a discussion about Jaegermeister. They liked my comments about it so much they filmed a video clip of me pointing at one of their party and saying "Jaegermeister - he will die!" I doubt that it will make the German equivalent of the Sundance Film Festival but if it becomes part of a movie there, you'll get to see me in it. I am doing my part in German. Joy.
Anyway, after being fortified by two Weiss beers and two cigarettes, I attempted to stand up. I am sure that nearby people thought I was drunk but even on a really empty stomach (so hungry!) that doesn't happen. My legs had locked up. Like when you exercise but don't cool down and stretch afterward. So I slowly hobbled off cursing in several languages and vowing revenge on God for my pain.
Costs: One day ticket for all public transportation, 1550 HUF. Unlike in Prague, they write down on the ticket when you get it rather than allow you to stamp it as entering the subway. This is less convenient as you can't stock up on tickets and burn them as needed. Interestingly, the ticket checkers also stand where you are going to enter to look at some of the tickets. Not very sneaky of them.
DISTANCES IN HUNGARY
"Not far away" - under one hour walking.
"Five meters" - "I don't speak English. Please thank me politely and quickly leave."
"Five hundred meters" - Up to one kilometer away.
"Twenty meters" - Up to one kilometer away.
COUCH SURFING
Due to the high cost of lodgings even here and being reminded by a nice German girl (whose name and the name of her brother I sadly did not get though they may be reading this some time) that it exists, I will be checking out couch surfing. I'm not sure how that will work out but you will find out after I do.
PAST REFLECTIONS - SHAWN O'MALLEY
I can use this guys name because a) I might be spelling it wrong and b) there are so many of them it is almost like saying 'John Doe'. I've tried to look this guy up since and been overwhelmed by how many others there are. Unfortunately, he was someone from the times before Facebook or I'd still have his contact information.
So, I now give you a couple of stories from a long time ago (before Jana was born!) about when I was about eighteen and new someone named Shawn O'Malley.
We initially met up at in Germany. I remember the first meeting well because it was at an unusual Halloween. I was in the military at the time and a bunch of us decided to throw a big Halloween party. I think I contributed something like $200 and it was the smallest individual contribution of anyone. Others contributed up to like $1000. I'm not sure of the exact numbers but there was at least a half dozen people. I remember hearing some or many (not me) of the people actually made their money back by charging a dollar (or a couple of Deutsch Marks - back in pre-Euro time) for admission. There were so many people there it was amazing. We had taken over two large apartments across from each other and the people kept coming and going. Many alcohol runs were made.
I remember meeting Shawn and immediately knowing who he was dressed up as - bathrobe and towel. Arthur Dent? He seemed pleased that I was the only one who knew. Strangely, after he said that I said something along the lines of "That's because all of these other people are idiots" - which is close to the line used in the film. Unlike in the film, the music didn't accidentally cut off just before I said it. No comeuppance! That's what I like!
After the party, the carpeting that was in the apartments was deemed trashed beyond saving, rolled up and thrown out. The carpets weren't cleaned and everything - cigarette butts, spilled drinks, vomit and a human body were all rolled inside and thrown into a big dumpster.
I met Shawn in front of the dumpster - he was still dressed the same aside from a large reddish spot on his bathrobe where someone had probably spilled a drink on him. He still had half of his drink. We fell to talking while the guy who was rolled up and literally trapped within the carpet slowly became conscious and took new stock of his surroundings. Without discussion, Shawn and I ignored his piteous whining and feeble cries for help (I guess you can't get all that much air in your lungs when rolled tightly in a carpet with about 20 kilos of trash) and decided to wander off to go find food together. Later that day as I returned to my home, I noticed the dumpster had been emptied. I speculated how noisy the back loading, fully automated German garbage trucks were and resolved to never pass out at a party.
We never saw that guy again. I'm sure he is living happily in a landfill somewhere.
After that, Shawn and I became friends. And one thing that friends do for each other is to keep lookout when one of them wants to go commit a crime. Asking a new friend to actually help commit the crime is a bit much but 'yell if you see anything bad like police' is still within the acceptable range.
So, Shawn had decided he wanted to rob a church for some reason. During the middle of the day. He was just that kind of guy. I personally figure God has enough shit and wasn't going to miss whatever Shawn could make off with. I figured robbing from a church was a bit much but you must remember that at that time I was a mere eighteen years old, slitting throats for our country and making a decent living at it. So, I was more dumb than now. Many people who currently know me well would object that me being dumber than now is not possible to which I reply 'Shut your stinking holes!'
So, we went to rob a church. It wasn't actually that unusual of day for that time in my life. Anyway, the church was unusual in that it sat in the middle of a large and fairly spooky graveyard. Which was having a funeral. With a couple hundred people.
I felt smug in this because I really didn't have a big interest in seeing if there was a God and I could anger him by robbing from his minions. No, I wanted McDonalds instead. But I could console Shawn.
"Looks like you're fucked." I said, being the consoling, caring Logan.
"Nah. I'll just think myself invisible and go rob it." Shawn replied.
A couple interesting points to make. Shawn had an unusual dress sense. He normally wore a brown leather jacket and (for some reason) a black scarf with silver piping. And black pants. He wasn't well enough dressed to fit in with the mourners nor was he poorly enough dressed to fit in with the grave diggers. In other words, he'd stick out. A lot.
The second thing to know about Shawn - he thought he was a ninja. Not a movie or TV show ninja but a real live ninja. The fact that he was of Irish descent and had never been closer to Japan than eating with chopsticks didn't seem to impact this belief pattern.
"OK." I replied. I thought about it and said "If we get separated, we'll meet at the McDonald's." My evil plan was fiendish in it's intricacy. Shawn thought that was a good idea and waded into the crowd. After waiting for a minute to see if crowds of angry machine gun wielding German policemen would pop up from behind the tombstones, I hurried off to McDonald's. I figured Shawn would scope it out, be defeated by way too many people and join me in McDonald's.
So, I'm at McDonald's justifying not ordering Shawn and trying to figure out if the reason was that he gets to eat prison food or that I just don't know what he wants. Shawn showed up to McDonald's and seemed disinterested in the food. I grunted and he sat.
"I thought it would be too hard." I said around a mixture of fries and Big Mac in my maw. Shawn smiled and placed a gym bag on the table. I eyed it and said a common American expression - "What the fuck is this shit?"
Shawn opened it and showed me the priests clothing.
"You stole his clothing? Really??"
"While he was in the next room in the shower." Shawn smiled.
At this point, I began to suspect Shawn might not be lying about being a ninja. Later, when Shawn was sparring with my Hapkido instructor, Bob Spear, and they both came to mutual destruction using the same blow, I was taking his outrageous ninja related claims more seriously.
It feels weird sitting in a hostel in Budapest reminiscing about someone I met in Germany.
Showing posts with label Prague. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prague. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
THE GREAT BRNO SUBWAY HUNT
BRNO
"If you want to make someone from Brno angry, ask them where the subway is." - Prague saying.
For those who don't get it, Brno has no subway because it is small though the second largest city in Czech Republic. I suspect the lack of a subway has given some residents inferior feelings, hence they are angry. I had fun asking for the subway. Yeah, I'm that guy. When we were headed down there on the bus, I got to find out who spoke English that had a sense of humor when I announced to my companions who were sitting back a few rows that we were suppose to meet our contact at the Brno subway station. Hey, it helped break the ice a little.
THE STORY THUS FAR
Last we left our intrepid group of adventurers, they had survived the Road of Death and Trains of 'It's after Midnight and the Czech Republic is closed, you foreign devils' and made it to Brno.
After yet more walking, and hills, we made it to Thomash (Tom) and Margaret's (they're flat-mates) home. We crashed in Tom's room.
Poor Jana woke up sneezing her head off. After we located and reattached her head we ended up with an early start to a day I had felt certain that they would get to sleep in. Pete was looking his normal dignified self but Jana was beginning to get that 'I've been traveling with Logan too long' look I fear. It can precede an incident which the jury (do they have them here?) would let her off of the crimes quoting both sleep deprivation as well as just cause.
We ate at a trendy little cafe in their garden. They have a lot of nice looking ivy covering the ancient brick walls. Breakfast for four people, 260 CZK.
Afterward, Thomash gave us a bit of a tour of Brno as we headed to the train station. He turned out to be a much more knowledgeable tour guide than Jana who I deeply suspect of being Italian rather than Czech.
Tomash also stopped by one of the booths and directed Pete and I to buy and drink a shot of something Czech 'with herbs in it'. Surprise, it was firewater. I should have really seen that coming.
TRAVELER'S TIP
Any time someone wants you to try a shot of something (especially in the morning, right after breakfast) always insist on 'Sure - if you do one with me!' This gives you the opportunity to give your host a small gift or at least make sure he is poisoned from the same cup you are.
I wanted to take a moment to thank Tom (Tomash) and Margaret for letting them stay in their home. It was very kind of them.
Tom was also a much better (if you want the actual historical facts instead of the interesting other facts) tour guide than Jana. Unlike Jana, I found it easy to believe he actually lived in the city he showed us. [Jana = Italian].
BACK TO PRAGUE
Train from Brno to Prague, 160 CZK. Note, we believe this is an 'Easter special' rate - no clue what the normal rate is. Approximate travel time, an hour and a half.
Yes, I do see the irony that I'm going north through the Czech Republic so that I can travel south in a few days.
On the way back to Prague, in addition to fascinating my companions with such amazing games as "I Spy" and "Twenty Questions", I asked Pete and Jana their opinions on 'the village of rabbits'.
Jana: "I liked the feast, the atmosphere of freedom. You didn't have to worry about anything. You could talk to people, get food or go for a walk. Whatever people felt like doing. I also liked that I visited the country. I'm not from the country or there a lot. It was interesting to see a different part of the Czech Republic."
Pete: "Good company. Even the people not of the group we went with tended to be friendly. The locals reaction to us was pleasantly surprised. I might have been the first Australian they encountered. It was nice. I had a lot of interesting and enjoyable conversations with our group as well. When wandering around the town, the locals were friendly, even when we tried to invade their homes."
LOGAN'S EASTER PERSPECTIVE
Czech custom: On the Monday after easter, women become water spewing chocolate and egg vending machines. In order to activate this machine, you hit (not hard!) them with a special stick you can buy anywhere. It has bright ribbons on the end of it. Is that phallic or what? The women are suppose to give you an egg or chocolate when you do. After noon, the women defend themselves by throwing water on the men. I don't think any of this symbolism is really too hard to work out. It seems they are only allowed to do this after noon. I don't know why.
Traditional American custom: The parents hide colored hard boiled eggs. The kids run around trying to find them. The parents try to remember how many eggs they hid and inevitably forget some. Later, these become smelly bombs as the eggs are left to rot.
New American custom: Being that for many families the 'traditional' way was a lot of work and the kids have gotten too fat and jaded to care about 'seeking' the eggs. So, instead, the kids find a pre-packaged selection of chocolates and candies (not eggs) that can be bought from the store either in their bedroom or just outside of the door. The kids (and often, parents) then gorge themselves on these treats and lie in bed panting as their lungs try to work despite the layers of fat. It's a happy time that Jesus rarely intrudes into for most families.
JANA QUOTE
One of the things I have become fond of saying in the Czech Republic is "(Something) is broken, there are no replacement parts." It's a good summation of many things. The other day, Jana said "Logan is broken. Thankfully, there are no replacement parts."
According to Jana, her favorite Czech folk music song is entitled "My shit's fucked up". I have not yet heard this song but I am sure it is a classic.
Upon being asked what she thought about dogs, Jana immediately responded: "Skinned. Maybe boiled in water for a bit. Then, released into the wild."
MOVIE REVIEW - THE EAGLE
It was a pretty basic buddy/adventure story. I can't really say much without giving away the somewhat linear plot. A couple of interesting points, it is one of the few movies in which you get to see kids getting killed. This is an uncomfortable topic for people and they handled it tastefully. It is, however, historically accurate. The other thing is a personal bitch of mine. I know that not everyone else shares this opinion but you are stuck reading this blog so you get to hear it. I think directors who use 'unsteady cam' need to leave the amateur film school shit behind. I would personally love it if there was a law that forced advertisers to put a big warning label on any movie that used unsteady cam for more than 10-20% of the movie.
From wiki "The camera operator can hold the camera in his hands. This allows greater speed and flexibility, but even the most skilled camera operator cannot prevent the image from shaking, if only minutely. Hand-held footage has therefore traditionally been considered suitable mostly for documentaries, news, reportage work, live action, unrehearsable footage, or as a special effect to evoke an atmosphere of authentic immediacy or "cinéma vérité" during dramatic sequences."
In my opinion, you lose a lot of the 'authentic immediacy' when you use unsteady cam for the whole fucking movie. On the plus side, they didn't hire a poor epileptic having a grand mal seizure to film this one like they did with the second and third Bourne movies.
Needless to say, both Pete and Jana liked the movie and disagreed with my opinions. It would absolutely kill them if I became a famous movie reviewer.
CZECH CUSTOMS
I haven't been to what I'd consider a good cross sample of Czech homes yet but the few I have been to are the 'remove shoes upon entering' type. Remember, if you see an assload of shoes near the door, add yours.
In Prague (and Brno, I believe) they seem to have a lot of casinos. I have no idea if these do more business late night but the ones I've seen always appear abandoned. I don't think that the Czechs are really into handing their money over at the tables. Jana said private poker games are more the norm here.
CZECH SERVICE AND DRINKS
Beware of white and black Russians. These are drinks.
Pete has ordered a lot of Black Russians and ended up teaching a lot of European bartenders how to make a childishly simple drink. In fact, if you want a Black Russian and ask for them to hold the milk or bring the milk separately and just don't add it to your drink. This may still confuse them - even if it is said in their own language.
Despite both Black and White Russians being a shot of Kahlua and a shot of vodka some places still manage to fuck this up and give you a third the Kahlua you need. I'm guessing it is to try to save just a little bit of money. Some don't give you the right amount of milk. There is a way around this and that is to order all of the ingredients separately. It will cost you more but you won't get something fucked up and foul tasting.
One way around this is to stick to beer. Just say "pivo" ("Pee-voh" - 'O' as in the sound you make when you say "Oh shit") and you will get beer. I don't know what kind but beer you will get. They won't fuck that up.
One thing to be aware of on beer - Czechs like a big head on their beer. They call it a 'cap'. Well, I don't know what the Czech word is and you don't care but it translates to 'cap'. They see this as a good thing as opposed to other nations which see it as an attempt to rip them off of a few ounces of beer they should get.
"If you want to make someone from Brno angry, ask them where the subway is." - Prague saying.
For those who don't get it, Brno has no subway because it is small though the second largest city in Czech Republic. I suspect the lack of a subway has given some residents inferior feelings, hence they are angry. I had fun asking for the subway. Yeah, I'm that guy. When we were headed down there on the bus, I got to find out who spoke English that had a sense of humor when I announced to my companions who were sitting back a few rows that we were suppose to meet our contact at the Brno subway station. Hey, it helped break the ice a little.
THE STORY THUS FAR
Last we left our intrepid group of adventurers, they had survived the Road of Death and Trains of 'It's after Midnight and the Czech Republic is closed, you foreign devils' and made it to Brno.
After yet more walking, and hills, we made it to Thomash (Tom) and Margaret's (they're flat-mates) home. We crashed in Tom's room.
Poor Jana woke up sneezing her head off. After we located and reattached her head we ended up with an early start to a day I had felt certain that they would get to sleep in. Pete was looking his normal dignified self but Jana was beginning to get that 'I've been traveling with Logan too long' look I fear. It can precede an incident which the jury (do they have them here?) would let her off of the crimes quoting both sleep deprivation as well as just cause.
We ate at a trendy little cafe in their garden. They have a lot of nice looking ivy covering the ancient brick walls. Breakfast for four people, 260 CZK.
Afterward, Thomash gave us a bit of a tour of Brno as we headed to the train station. He turned out to be a much more knowledgeable tour guide than Jana who I deeply suspect of being Italian rather than Czech.
Tomash also stopped by one of the booths and directed Pete and I to buy and drink a shot of something Czech 'with herbs in it'. Surprise, it was firewater. I should have really seen that coming.
TRAVELER'S TIP
Any time someone wants you to try a shot of something (especially in the morning, right after breakfast) always insist on 'Sure - if you do one with me!' This gives you the opportunity to give your host a small gift or at least make sure he is poisoned from the same cup you are.
I wanted to take a moment to thank Tom (Tomash) and Margaret for letting them stay in their home. It was very kind of them.
Tom was also a much better (if you want the actual historical facts instead of the interesting other facts) tour guide than Jana. Unlike Jana, I found it easy to believe he actually lived in the city he showed us. [Jana = Italian].
BACK TO PRAGUE
Train from Brno to Prague, 160 CZK. Note, we believe this is an 'Easter special' rate - no clue what the normal rate is. Approximate travel time, an hour and a half.
Yes, I do see the irony that I'm going north through the Czech Republic so that I can travel south in a few days.
On the way back to Prague, in addition to fascinating my companions with such amazing games as "I Spy" and "Twenty Questions", I asked Pete and Jana their opinions on 'the village of rabbits'.
Jana: "I liked the feast, the atmosphere of freedom. You didn't have to worry about anything. You could talk to people, get food or go for a walk. Whatever people felt like doing. I also liked that I visited the country. I'm not from the country or there a lot. It was interesting to see a different part of the Czech Republic."
Pete: "Good company. Even the people not of the group we went with tended to be friendly. The locals reaction to us was pleasantly surprised. I might have been the first Australian they encountered. It was nice. I had a lot of interesting and enjoyable conversations with our group as well. When wandering around the town, the locals were friendly, even when we tried to invade their homes."
LOGAN'S EASTER PERSPECTIVE
Czech custom: On the Monday after easter, women become water spewing chocolate and egg vending machines. In order to activate this machine, you hit (not hard!) them with a special stick you can buy anywhere. It has bright ribbons on the end of it. Is that phallic or what? The women are suppose to give you an egg or chocolate when you do. After noon, the women defend themselves by throwing water on the men. I don't think any of this symbolism is really too hard to work out. It seems they are only allowed to do this after noon. I don't know why.
Traditional American custom: The parents hide colored hard boiled eggs. The kids run around trying to find them. The parents try to remember how many eggs they hid and inevitably forget some. Later, these become smelly bombs as the eggs are left to rot.
New American custom: Being that for many families the 'traditional' way was a lot of work and the kids have gotten too fat and jaded to care about 'seeking' the eggs. So, instead, the kids find a pre-packaged selection of chocolates and candies (not eggs) that can be bought from the store either in their bedroom or just outside of the door. The kids (and often, parents) then gorge themselves on these treats and lie in bed panting as their lungs try to work despite the layers of fat. It's a happy time that Jesus rarely intrudes into for most families.
JANA QUOTE
One of the things I have become fond of saying in the Czech Republic is "(Something) is broken, there are no replacement parts." It's a good summation of many things. The other day, Jana said "Logan is broken. Thankfully, there are no replacement parts."
According to Jana, her favorite Czech folk music song is entitled "My shit's fucked up". I have not yet heard this song but I am sure it is a classic.
Upon being asked what she thought about dogs, Jana immediately responded: "Skinned. Maybe boiled in water for a bit. Then, released into the wild."
MOVIE REVIEW - THE EAGLE
It was a pretty basic buddy/adventure story. I can't really say much without giving away the somewhat linear plot. A couple of interesting points, it is one of the few movies in which you get to see kids getting killed. This is an uncomfortable topic for people and they handled it tastefully. It is, however, historically accurate. The other thing is a personal bitch of mine. I know that not everyone else shares this opinion but you are stuck reading this blog so you get to hear it. I think directors who use 'unsteady cam' need to leave the amateur film school shit behind. I would personally love it if there was a law that forced advertisers to put a big warning label on any movie that used unsteady cam for more than 10-20% of the movie.
From wiki "The camera operator can hold the camera in his hands. This allows greater speed and flexibility, but even the most skilled camera operator cannot prevent the image from shaking, if only minutely. Hand-held footage has therefore traditionally been considered suitable mostly for documentaries, news, reportage work, live action, unrehearsable footage, or as a special effect to evoke an atmosphere of authentic immediacy or "cinéma vérité" during dramatic sequences."
In my opinion, you lose a lot of the 'authentic immediacy' when you use unsteady cam for the whole fucking movie. On the plus side, they didn't hire a poor epileptic having a grand mal seizure to film this one like they did with the second and third Bourne movies.
Needless to say, both Pete and Jana liked the movie and disagreed with my opinions. It would absolutely kill them if I became a famous movie reviewer.
CZECH CUSTOMS
I haven't been to what I'd consider a good cross sample of Czech homes yet but the few I have been to are the 'remove shoes upon entering' type. Remember, if you see an assload of shoes near the door, add yours.
In Prague (and Brno, I believe) they seem to have a lot of casinos. I have no idea if these do more business late night but the ones I've seen always appear abandoned. I don't think that the Czechs are really into handing their money over at the tables. Jana said private poker games are more the norm here.
CZECH SERVICE AND DRINKS
Beware of white and black Russians. These are drinks.
Pete has ordered a lot of Black Russians and ended up teaching a lot of European bartenders how to make a childishly simple drink. In fact, if you want a Black Russian and ask for them to hold the milk or bring the milk separately and just don't add it to your drink. This may still confuse them - even if it is said in their own language.
Despite both Black and White Russians being a shot of Kahlua and a shot of vodka some places still manage to fuck this up and give you a third the Kahlua you need. I'm guessing it is to try to save just a little bit of money. Some don't give you the right amount of milk. There is a way around this and that is to order all of the ingredients separately. It will cost you more but you won't get something fucked up and foul tasting.
One way around this is to stick to beer. Just say "pivo" ("Pee-voh" - 'O' as in the sound you make when you say "Oh shit") and you will get beer. I don't know what kind but beer you will get. They won't fuck that up.
One thing to be aware of on beer - Czechs like a big head on their beer. They call it a 'cap'. Well, I don't know what the Czech word is and you don't care but it translates to 'cap'. They see this as a good thing as opposed to other nations which see it as an attempt to rip them off of a few ounces of beer they should get.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
PRAGUE AND CZECH REPUBLIC PHOTOS CAN BE FOUND HERE.
Traveler's Tip: Walmart bags. The ones from Walmart are a bit bigger than normal plastic bags you get and fairly sturdy. Bring a few of these. They are useful for storing dirty (or clean) clothing in. Also, a few of the places I've been in do 'a bag of laundry for X amount'. This gives you extra laundry done at the same charge.
BRNO FIASCO
Tom told us that (rather than going to Brno) he was interested in doing some film/music festival in Prague instead and would not be following the original Brno plan. Film and music festivals make me want to hurt small animals rather than going to one but being that I've only got less than a week left with my traveling companions (and have already bought a ticket out of Prague) I am thinking that I must endure this rather than striking out on my own. I am so burned out on Prague...
We spent a night sitting in my favorite (and pretty expensive) bar trying to plan. It is difficult not to let my choleric nature take over when dealing with everyone else who are all phlegmatics. It still crept out several times but I did my best to try to keep it and my frustration at the situation reigned in. I'm not very good at patience. I like sticking with what seemed to be a solid plan but everyone else didn't really feel like following through with it. I suspect that this will mean more wandering around in Prague and me being tortured with 'culture'.
We had thought we had another night in the hostel we were staying in but they double booked us. This means they returned the money we'd paid and told us 'good luck'. Note that during holidays (like Easter) the rates on rooms are nearly double. When it is a major holiday, get the fuck out of big, touristy cities! Many of the only available places Pete could find were $400-$500 per night (for 2, presumably). I had thought ahead of time getting a room in Prague would be tricky but was not believed. Several of the hotel places we talked to said "Prague is overbooked." It is worse than even I had thought.
I suspect we may end up crashing for two nights in Jana's parents home. Jana assures me that they will not hear my snoring but Pete is not so sure. He believes it may set off car alarms in the area and cause expectant mothers to miscarry. And if Jana's parents hear the snoring, they may light the house on fire to get rid of the 'demons'. Personally, I'd be delighted to stay there. We could bring them some groceries or something to say thanks. Or a coocoo clock if Pete is feeling extravigant. I think staying there would accomplish three goals:
a) mollify me for not getting to go to Brno.
b) get to meet Jana's parents.
c) get to see a unique window into Czech life.
Note: There is more to this story than is here - you are getting it 'as it happens' - more in the next exciting edition.
CURRENT CAST OF CHARACTERS
Mariana - best friend of Jana. Currently working on on her masters degree and working in an internship.
Jan - Jana's brother. Age 18 - currently in high school and does strategy computer games well enough to be in national competitions. He is a really laid back individual and pretty knowledgable about Prague unlike his sister. I wanted to thank Jan for taking the time to meet up with us and do some good tour guiding around the city with us. It was also interesting to watch his interaction with beer, being that he is 18. In the USA, for 18 year olds, beer is a special thing they must consume massive quantites of (and throw up, etc) in order to prove their manhood. To him, it was just another drink. He didn't seem to take any special pleasure or displeasure in it. I am not sure if his attitude is typical of the younger crowd here with regards to drinking or if it was just his laid back personality.
Tomash - brother of Mirianna
Tomash (2) - guy from Brno who was going to take us to enjoy Brno but instead decided to stay in Prague for film/music festival. Note, due to a girl he met, this later changed again. Women can assist men in missing 'culture'! Woot! More here later.
Eva - friend of Jana. She is a medical student who gave me as solid of medical advice (or more so) than I seem to get from the VA doctors I was seeing regarding the pains in my leg. Her thoughts were it was perhaps a pinched nerve or something to do with my back. She said that the burning sensation in my leg should be monitored. It the leg was discolored or bruised looking I should seek medical help. Fortunately, it looks fine. Given my past experience with medical doctors and the feeling they are absolutely useless unless giving out pills or stopping free flowing blood, I'm going to keep going and just 'tough it out'. The current thinking is that my new exercise and such is messing with my body but hopefully the pain will decrease eventually. Compared to in the states, I am getting one hell of a work out. Daily. [For all of you who are worried, yes, I am keeping an eye on my health and will seek medical attention if it gets too bad.]
PRAGUE CASTLE
We saw 'Prague Castle' which wasn't a castle and a cathedrial there named 'Vit'. It is impressive and has a lot of nice stained glass windows. The Aethists don't go there. There were also some 'small houses' which were suppose to be very interesting near the castle. We saw a picture of them because the actual houses were closed for renovation. We also saw Tourist Bridge (Charles Bridge) which seemed to be made out of tourists and people selling tourist shit (knicknacks, charactures, etc - in other words, complete crap). There are many statues along the bridge. Local legend has it that if the city is ever in trouble, the statues will come to life and run away.
The whole 'Prague Castle' is over run with tourists and a huge tourist trap. I'd call it 'overrated' and recommend giving it a miss.
RANDOM PRICING
Some Bach concert, 490 CZK. We didn't go but I wanted to include the pricing for completeness.
In this town, I can't seem to find a proper shave but did manage to find a couple places that do shave with an electric razor. Price, 50 CZK.
Two cappuccinos and two teas,, 140 CZK.
BOOK IDEA
"Healing Through Revenge". Tell me that title alone wouldn't sell a bunch of copies to the heartbroken.
INTERNET WOES
A couple doors down from the previous hostel we were at "Accomodation 15" is a coffee shop that delights in playing overly loud music but supposedly has free wifi. Neither Pete nor my laptop worked but theirs did. They kindly lent us their laptop. Pete thinks it is something to do with their routers and both of our laptops running Windows 7 instead of Windows XP. I'm not sure but Pete is a computer expert - my guess is that he is correct. I have yet to get good internet in Prague though I am told it exists.
TIME IN PRAGUE
Time here seems to go by very quickly. I'm really not sure why that is. An hour can slip by in just a couple of minutes, subjectively. Be aware of this should you choose to travel here.
Traveler's Tip: Walmart bags. The ones from Walmart are a bit bigger than normal plastic bags you get and fairly sturdy. Bring a few of these. They are useful for storing dirty (or clean) clothing in. Also, a few of the places I've been in do 'a bag of laundry for X amount'. This gives you extra laundry done at the same charge.
BRNO FIASCO
Tom told us that (rather than going to Brno) he was interested in doing some film/music festival in Prague instead and would not be following the original Brno plan. Film and music festivals make me want to hurt small animals rather than going to one but being that I've only got less than a week left with my traveling companions (and have already bought a ticket out of Prague) I am thinking that I must endure this rather than striking out on my own. I am so burned out on Prague...
We spent a night sitting in my favorite (and pretty expensive) bar trying to plan. It is difficult not to let my choleric nature take over when dealing with everyone else who are all phlegmatics. It still crept out several times but I did my best to try to keep it and my frustration at the situation reigned in. I'm not very good at patience. I like sticking with what seemed to be a solid plan but everyone else didn't really feel like following through with it. I suspect that this will mean more wandering around in Prague and me being tortured with 'culture'.
We had thought we had another night in the hostel we were staying in but they double booked us. This means they returned the money we'd paid and told us 'good luck'. Note that during holidays (like Easter) the rates on rooms are nearly double. When it is a major holiday, get the fuck out of big, touristy cities! Many of the only available places Pete could find were $400-$500 per night (for 2, presumably). I had thought ahead of time getting a room in Prague would be tricky but was not believed. Several of the hotel places we talked to said "Prague is overbooked." It is worse than even I had thought.
I suspect we may end up crashing for two nights in Jana's parents home. Jana assures me that they will not hear my snoring but Pete is not so sure. He believes it may set off car alarms in the area and cause expectant mothers to miscarry. And if Jana's parents hear the snoring, they may light the house on fire to get rid of the 'demons'. Personally, I'd be delighted to stay there. We could bring them some groceries or something to say thanks. Or a coocoo clock if Pete is feeling extravigant. I think staying there would accomplish three goals:
a) mollify me for not getting to go to Brno.
b) get to meet Jana's parents.
c) get to see a unique window into Czech life.
Note: There is more to this story than is here - you are getting it 'as it happens' - more in the next exciting edition.
CURRENT CAST OF CHARACTERS
Mariana - best friend of Jana. Currently working on on her masters degree and working in an internship.
Jan - Jana's brother. Age 18 - currently in high school and does strategy computer games well enough to be in national competitions. He is a really laid back individual and pretty knowledgable about Prague unlike his sister. I wanted to thank Jan for taking the time to meet up with us and do some good tour guiding around the city with us. It was also interesting to watch his interaction with beer, being that he is 18. In the USA, for 18 year olds, beer is a special thing they must consume massive quantites of (and throw up, etc) in order to prove their manhood. To him, it was just another drink. He didn't seem to take any special pleasure or displeasure in it. I am not sure if his attitude is typical of the younger crowd here with regards to drinking or if it was just his laid back personality.
Tomash - brother of Mirianna
Tomash (2) - guy from Brno who was going to take us to enjoy Brno but instead decided to stay in Prague for film/music festival. Note, due to a girl he met, this later changed again. Women can assist men in missing 'culture'! Woot! More here later.
Eva - friend of Jana. She is a medical student who gave me as solid of medical advice (or more so) than I seem to get from the VA doctors I was seeing regarding the pains in my leg. Her thoughts were it was perhaps a pinched nerve or something to do with my back. She said that the burning sensation in my leg should be monitored. It the leg was discolored or bruised looking I should seek medical help. Fortunately, it looks fine. Given my past experience with medical doctors and the feeling they are absolutely useless unless giving out pills or stopping free flowing blood, I'm going to keep going and just 'tough it out'. The current thinking is that my new exercise and such is messing with my body but hopefully the pain will decrease eventually. Compared to in the states, I am getting one hell of a work out. Daily. [For all of you who are worried, yes, I am keeping an eye on my health and will seek medical attention if it gets too bad.]
PRAGUE CASTLE
We saw 'Prague Castle' which wasn't a castle and a cathedrial there named 'Vit'. It is impressive and has a lot of nice stained glass windows. The Aethists don't go there. There were also some 'small houses' which were suppose to be very interesting near the castle. We saw a picture of them because the actual houses were closed for renovation. We also saw Tourist Bridge (Charles Bridge) which seemed to be made out of tourists and people selling tourist shit (knicknacks, charactures, etc - in other words, complete crap). There are many statues along the bridge. Local legend has it that if the city is ever in trouble, the statues will come to life and run away.
The whole 'Prague Castle' is over run with tourists and a huge tourist trap. I'd call it 'overrated' and recommend giving it a miss.
RANDOM PRICING
Some Bach concert, 490 CZK. We didn't go but I wanted to include the pricing for completeness.
In this town, I can't seem to find a proper shave but did manage to find a couple places that do shave with an electric razor. Price, 50 CZK.
Two cappuccinos and two teas,, 140 CZK.
BOOK IDEA
"Healing Through Revenge". Tell me that title alone wouldn't sell a bunch of copies to the heartbroken.
INTERNET WOES
A couple doors down from the previous hostel we were at "Accomodation 15" is a coffee shop that delights in playing overly loud music but supposedly has free wifi. Neither Pete nor my laptop worked but theirs did. They kindly lent us their laptop. Pete thinks it is something to do with their routers and both of our laptops running Windows 7 instead of Windows XP. I'm not sure but Pete is a computer expert - my guess is that he is correct. I have yet to get good internet in Prague though I am told it exists.
TIME IN PRAGUE
Time here seems to go by very quickly. I'm really not sure why that is. An hour can slip by in just a couple of minutes, subjectively. Be aware of this should you choose to travel here.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
ART AND SHIT
since I am a hell of a guy, I told Pete we could go to some art museums ("or some shit") to make him happy and feel like he is seeing Prague. This is as opposed to Logan's way which is sitting around, smoking cigarettes and talkinng to people.
We went to the Mucha Museum. Entrence fee, 180 CZK per adult. And, you don't get to take pictures because they want you to spend money in their fucking gift shop.
They have several signs up for 'check your bag' but I just ignored them. They (the people working there) carefully ignored me as well. If they had said, "Sir, you need to check your bag" I could have wittily countered with "I didn't want to come here in the first place - what makes you think I'd be interested in taking any of this shit home?"
Mucha is a Czech 'Art Noveau' artist. This guy seemed to enjoy painting women in robes with flowers that look like they belong on advertisements. Ironically, several were painted as advertisements so I guess that's why he's famous. The few men he painted looked effeminate. Maybe I am just a horrible person but when I looked at the men in the pictures I couldn't help but thinking they would be huge hits in the 'gay scene' of most countries.
Mucha lived in America for awhile, coming home to Czech just in time to get picked up by the Gestapo who made him sick. He then died. Let that be a lesson to any artists who are hanging out in America, hear that war may be brewing in their homeland then head back there! Bad idea. Just hang out in America or whatever 'war free zone' you're chilling in and paint pictures depicting the struggles of your brothers and sisters in your native land. Gives your side some good propeganda and you won't get picked up by the Gestapo.
This artist was apparently famous in his own time and even made money on his work unlike Vincent van Gogh who was thought to have sucked badly in his own life time.
This Mucha guy also did some photography. When it was men, it was the 'aren't I dignified' variety. With women it was either that type of the saucy 'don't I have nice breasts' type. Saucy! This guy took a (fully clothed) picture of his mistress. It could just be the long waiting of the time or some weird pose he wanted her to get in but to me, she looks really skittish about having her picture taken. Maybe she knew it would be hung up in a museum someday oggled by tons of artistic snob tourists. If I thought there would be a picture of me like that, I'd want one with me holding my crotch in one hand and flipping off the viewer with the other. Or dry humping something.
The Mucha Museum thankfully isn't that large but does lack the chairs for sitting in that I typically look for in houses of torture such as this. There were some chairs in the back where people were watching a documentary on this guys life and they all looked enraptured. This made me slightly queesy. I would have sat down anyway but mysteriously the seats were all full. The only chair I saw free was the artists' which was part of a display. Tempting, but I really don't want to spend time in a Czech jail for breaking a famous Czech artist's chair with my fat ass.
As I usually do when surrounded by art, I began to ignore it and concetrate on the other patrons of the museum. Most of them were comprised of old people who had nothing better to do with their time. There were a few single women with a self satisfied air who looked like they were (or wanted to be) intellectuals. These were the kind of horrible bitches that would force their boyfriends to endure things of this nature. There were also a couple of married couples with kids looking to inflict 'culture' on their bored brood.
Some typical examples of Mucha work are these two links. Sorry it's not much(a) but I couldn't be bothered to get more. It all blends to me anyway.
I'm sure that going through this experience my cultural awareness somehow will get raised despite my thoughts that I will forget this guy's name as soon as I'm done with this blog entry. I won't remember much(a).
I do think it would be amusing if someone reading this is yelling "But I've always wanted to go to the Mucha art gallery and you went instead and you are a heathen!"
That is my happy thought for the day.
In the key words for the post, Mucha's name appears so that we can sucker in people who like art into reading this and then they can be disdainful, yet horrified.
After I survived the art gallery, I ran across the street into the post office to take a look at that. For a post office, it was pretty nifty.
After Pete captured me, he suggested we get a beer and a smoke in a quiet sit down place so that I could rest my fat ass. I suspect it is a reward for surviving Mucha though he denies it.
So, in what is literally the leading beer drinking country in the world, I ordered beer. Pete (sometimes refered to as 'Holmes') does not like beer at all. He began going down the list and asking "Do you have this?" to which the waiter kept saying "No.". Eventually, Pete got frustrated and said "Perhaps it would be easier to tell me what you have." I wish the waiter had looked at him steadily and said "Beer." It was a bit like the cheese shop sketch.
THE GREAT RESTAURANT MYTH
There seems to be a great myth regarding that if you go to certain restaurants you are required to order food if you want to sit and drink. Oddly enough, we have yet to encounter one. Yet, they are rumored to abound. Both Pete and Jana have told me that it depends upon which restaurant you go to. I think they are lying to me. I also believe that if you go to a restaurant and order drinks they will be loath to kick you out, even if you don't order food. In fact, I think an easy way to play it would just be to dawdle endlessly over the menu trying to select the right food. When you are done with your drinks, announce with resignation that to your surprise you couldn't find the one thing you wanted (powdered yak is a good one as it rarely appears on menus) and you must be off to find a new restaurant that carries it and can I pay for my drinks before we depart? An air of quiet resignation rather than pointing at the waiter and laughing would probably complete the deception. That's the American way which is why our restaurants don't have such silly rules.
HOOTERS
Tonight we are going to take a group of people to the local Hooters restaurant where I ca observe the American custom of the exploitation of women's breasts first hand. Pete wasn't initially too intrigued by my bizarre idea until other people began to express interest. Now, he is stuck with it.
The meeting point for this little adventure is a large statue of 'some guy on a horse' near the dreaded National Art Gallery. I regard this as a silly meeting spot because it is so far away from Hooters. Personally, I'd have made Hooters the meeting spot. Anyone not smart enough to find it doesn't get to see the wonders of overly tight T-shirts.
I can't help but wonder if Hooters could ever become successful in a Muslim country.
CZECH CUBISM
Also known by Logan as 'What the fuck is this shit?' Admission for adults (or Logan) 100 CKZ.
Again, the clientele were mostly women leading me to wonder if Travis could fake interest enough in this stuff to pick up girls here. I took some photos I will put up of this crap when my internet isn't sucking.
They have three floors of this stuff but it isn't 'tightly packed'. They had stairs to try to wear you down and guards on each floor as if they're worried about someone taking it.
You were able to take non-flash pictures which was swell.
Oddly enough, on the second floor we did find a group of teenage boys. They all had the same paper so it led me to believe they had been sent here by School, possibly for Crimes Against The State.
The funniest thing is that I was taking notes in a notebook and pictures of things. Others there must have thought I was a 'serious student of cubism'. Silly wankers.
Afterward, we went and sat down some more (my leg gives me issues) in an upscale restaurant right on the strip. Pete had a tea, I ordered a chocolate milk shake. What I got was a glass of chocolate milk. Pete claimed this was normal and for something not so thin, you had to order a 'thick shake'. It sounds to me as though he was just making words up.
TRAVELER'S TIP
If, like Pete, you burn easily in the sun, be advised that Europe seems behind the curve on sunblock. Pete recommends Australian instead as they have the 'most poisonous sun in the world'. According to Pete, Australian sunblock is the way to go. Stock up before leaving for Europe. Unless you live in Europe - then just order it online. Unless you're traveling to Australia, I suppose.
I'll let you know how Hooters went when we get back...
HOOTERS EXPERIENCE
Giant and impressive 'Sex on the beach' drink, 763 CKz.
In Hooters, I had the worst burger I have had in my life. It tasted like soy. I mean worse than McDonald's quality. To add insult to injury, the very large burger came with one small piece of tomato and two small pieces of onion. It was enough to cover less than one fourth of the burger. Not only did the (unattractive, too much mascara) Hooter's waitress tell me 'that was the way it was' but she also brought me a picture to show me that is what it should look like. Don't go to fucking Hooter's in Prague. I swear to God, you'll be sorely disappointed. The usual shitty 'Czech service was there but dressed in a tight t-shirt. Whoopie.
I think one of the things I like about American restaurants is that if the customer isn't happy with something, they'll fix it. It may be against restaurant policy, cost them a couple more sense in condoments, whatever but they'll fix it. Here, it is 'fuck you, this is how it is'. I keep getting reminded 'you're not in America' but I feel that 'good customer service' should be a planet wide thing. A full meal for 5 at Hooters, 2050 CZK. Spend your money elsewhere.
The place irritated me enough that I abandoned my idea of getting a picture with some of the Hooter's girls. They simply irritated me.
So after Tomasch, Mariana's brother - cool guy - left, Mariana and Jana went and accousted some poor guy sitting alone. Pete had noticed that he closed his laptop when the waitress came by. Pete is an instigator. The girls went to the lengths of rifling through the poor guy's coat when he wasn't looking. I actually felt bad for him. We never did find out exactly what he was up to however.
We went to the Mucha Museum. Entrence fee, 180 CZK per adult. And, you don't get to take pictures because they want you to spend money in their fucking gift shop.
They have several signs up for 'check your bag' but I just ignored them. They (the people working there) carefully ignored me as well. If they had said, "Sir, you need to check your bag" I could have wittily countered with "I didn't want to come here in the first place - what makes you think I'd be interested in taking any of this shit home?"
Mucha is a Czech 'Art Noveau' artist. This guy seemed to enjoy painting women in robes with flowers that look like they belong on advertisements. Ironically, several were painted as advertisements so I guess that's why he's famous. The few men he painted looked effeminate. Maybe I am just a horrible person but when I looked at the men in the pictures I couldn't help but thinking they would be huge hits in the 'gay scene' of most countries.
Mucha lived in America for awhile, coming home to Czech just in time to get picked up by the Gestapo who made him sick. He then died. Let that be a lesson to any artists who are hanging out in America, hear that war may be brewing in their homeland then head back there! Bad idea. Just hang out in America or whatever 'war free zone' you're chilling in and paint pictures depicting the struggles of your brothers and sisters in your native land. Gives your side some good propeganda and you won't get picked up by the Gestapo.
This artist was apparently famous in his own time and even made money on his work unlike Vincent van Gogh who was thought to have sucked badly in his own life time.
This Mucha guy also did some photography. When it was men, it was the 'aren't I dignified' variety. With women it was either that type of the saucy 'don't I have nice breasts' type. Saucy! This guy took a (fully clothed) picture of his mistress. It could just be the long waiting of the time or some weird pose he wanted her to get in but to me, she looks really skittish about having her picture taken. Maybe she knew it would be hung up in a museum someday oggled by tons of artistic snob tourists. If I thought there would be a picture of me like that, I'd want one with me holding my crotch in one hand and flipping off the viewer with the other. Or dry humping something.
The Mucha Museum thankfully isn't that large but does lack the chairs for sitting in that I typically look for in houses of torture such as this. There were some chairs in the back where people were watching a documentary on this guys life and they all looked enraptured. This made me slightly queesy. I would have sat down anyway but mysteriously the seats were all full. The only chair I saw free was the artists' which was part of a display. Tempting, but I really don't want to spend time in a Czech jail for breaking a famous Czech artist's chair with my fat ass.
As I usually do when surrounded by art, I began to ignore it and concetrate on the other patrons of the museum. Most of them were comprised of old people who had nothing better to do with their time. There were a few single women with a self satisfied air who looked like they were (or wanted to be) intellectuals. These were the kind of horrible bitches that would force their boyfriends to endure things of this nature. There were also a couple of married couples with kids looking to inflict 'culture' on their bored brood.
Some typical examples of Mucha work are these two links. Sorry it's not much(a) but I couldn't be bothered to get more. It all blends to me anyway.
I'm sure that going through this experience my cultural awareness somehow will get raised despite my thoughts that I will forget this guy's name as soon as I'm done with this blog entry. I won't remember much(a).
I do think it would be amusing if someone reading this is yelling "But I've always wanted to go to the Mucha art gallery and you went instead and you are a heathen!"
That is my happy thought for the day.
In the key words for the post, Mucha's name appears so that we can sucker in people who like art into reading this and then they can be disdainful, yet horrified.
After I survived the art gallery, I ran across the street into the post office to take a look at that. For a post office, it was pretty nifty.
After Pete captured me, he suggested we get a beer and a smoke in a quiet sit down place so that I could rest my fat ass. I suspect it is a reward for surviving Mucha though he denies it.
So, in what is literally the leading beer drinking country in the world, I ordered beer. Pete (sometimes refered to as 'Holmes') does not like beer at all. He began going down the list and asking "Do you have this?" to which the waiter kept saying "No.". Eventually, Pete got frustrated and said "Perhaps it would be easier to tell me what you have." I wish the waiter had looked at him steadily and said "Beer." It was a bit like the cheese shop sketch.
THE GREAT RESTAURANT MYTH
There seems to be a great myth regarding that if you go to certain restaurants you are required to order food if you want to sit and drink. Oddly enough, we have yet to encounter one. Yet, they are rumored to abound. Both Pete and Jana have told me that it depends upon which restaurant you go to. I think they are lying to me. I also believe that if you go to a restaurant and order drinks they will be loath to kick you out, even if you don't order food. In fact, I think an easy way to play it would just be to dawdle endlessly over the menu trying to select the right food. When you are done with your drinks, announce with resignation that to your surprise you couldn't find the one thing you wanted (powdered yak is a good one as it rarely appears on menus) and you must be off to find a new restaurant that carries it and can I pay for my drinks before we depart? An air of quiet resignation rather than pointing at the waiter and laughing would probably complete the deception. That's the American way which is why our restaurants don't have such silly rules.
HOOTERS
Tonight we are going to take a group of people to the local Hooters restaurant where I ca observe the American custom of the exploitation of women's breasts first hand. Pete wasn't initially too intrigued by my bizarre idea until other people began to express interest. Now, he is stuck with it.
The meeting point for this little adventure is a large statue of 'some guy on a horse' near the dreaded National Art Gallery. I regard this as a silly meeting spot because it is so far away from Hooters. Personally, I'd have made Hooters the meeting spot. Anyone not smart enough to find it doesn't get to see the wonders of overly tight T-shirts.
I can't help but wonder if Hooters could ever become successful in a Muslim country.
CZECH CUBISM
Also known by Logan as 'What the fuck is this shit?' Admission for adults (or Logan) 100 CKZ.
Again, the clientele were mostly women leading me to wonder if Travis could fake interest enough in this stuff to pick up girls here. I took some photos I will put up of this crap when my internet isn't sucking.
They have three floors of this stuff but it isn't 'tightly packed'. They had stairs to try to wear you down and guards on each floor as if they're worried about someone taking it.
You were able to take non-flash pictures which was swell.
Oddly enough, on the second floor we did find a group of teenage boys. They all had the same paper so it led me to believe they had been sent here by School, possibly for Crimes Against The State.
The funniest thing is that I was taking notes in a notebook and pictures of things. Others there must have thought I was a 'serious student of cubism'. Silly wankers.
Afterward, we went and sat down some more (my leg gives me issues) in an upscale restaurant right on the strip. Pete had a tea, I ordered a chocolate milk shake. What I got was a glass of chocolate milk. Pete claimed this was normal and for something not so thin, you had to order a 'thick shake'. It sounds to me as though he was just making words up.
TRAVELER'S TIP
If, like Pete, you burn easily in the sun, be advised that Europe seems behind the curve on sunblock. Pete recommends Australian instead as they have the 'most poisonous sun in the world'. According to Pete, Australian sunblock is the way to go. Stock up before leaving for Europe. Unless you live in Europe - then just order it online. Unless you're traveling to Australia, I suppose.
I'll let you know how Hooters went when we get back...
HOOTERS EXPERIENCE
Giant and impressive 'Sex on the beach' drink, 763 CKz.
In Hooters, I had the worst burger I have had in my life. It tasted like soy. I mean worse than McDonald's quality. To add insult to injury, the very large burger came with one small piece of tomato and two small pieces of onion. It was enough to cover less than one fourth of the burger. Not only did the (unattractive, too much mascara) Hooter's waitress tell me 'that was the way it was' but she also brought me a picture to show me that is what it should look like. Don't go to fucking Hooter's in Prague. I swear to God, you'll be sorely disappointed. The usual shitty 'Czech service was there but dressed in a tight t-shirt. Whoopie.
I think one of the things I like about American restaurants is that if the customer isn't happy with something, they'll fix it. It may be against restaurant policy, cost them a couple more sense in condoments, whatever but they'll fix it. Here, it is 'fuck you, this is how it is'. I keep getting reminded 'you're not in America' but I feel that 'good customer service' should be a planet wide thing. A full meal for 5 at Hooters, 2050 CZK. Spend your money elsewhere.
The place irritated me enough that I abandoned my idea of getting a picture with some of the Hooter's girls. They simply irritated me.
So after Tomasch, Mariana's brother - cool guy - left, Mariana and Jana went and accousted some poor guy sitting alone. Pete had noticed that he closed his laptop when the waitress came by. Pete is an instigator. The girls went to the lengths of rifling through the poor guy's coat when he wasn't looking. I actually felt bad for him. We never did find out exactly what he was up to however.
Monday, April 18, 2011
CASTLE OF BONES
TRAVELER'S TIP
Always try to meet at locations which have something interesting there. You don't want to be in a dump out in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do before they arrive. And see suspicious locals. As is often the case with such meetings, other incidents and such may cause you to arrive way early of the meeting. Always ask the other person 'What's around there?' If they say they don't know, you're probably in Prague.
THE FLEA MARKET
We were suppose to meet Jana and Mirianna at a station. Unfortunately, Pete and I arrived an hour and a half early. We found it to be the most boring stop in the world. There were even two older guys who were there insistently trying to help us get to another stop. They kept telling us (in both English and German) that just one stop down was a market and we should go there instead. After thanking them politely and looking around anyway (were they hiding something cool for us to see like a giant golden sphinx? Sadly, no) we did so.
The 'market' turned out to be a semi permanent flea market run pretty much exclusively by Asians. Littered in among the desultory clothing stalls and a couple of strip clubs. Being that this was Sunday, nearly all of the businesses and most of the stalls were closed. There was also one of the Czech lottery places ("Fortuna") around. It was a pretty grim, lower class area. Pete then suggested we go to two stops in the opposite direction, which would put us one stop away from our meeting point. There we found a better place to meet up - a pub. Two drinks 155 CZK. A note on drinks here, if you order 'rum and coke' you may end up paying for both the coke and the rum shot separately. You will get a can/bottle of rum and a glass with rum in it. I'm not joking.
We met up with Marianna who had to go to a birthday party for a twelve year old girl. I had brought along one of my two pirate flags. I didn't know if we'd get invited along to the party or if I'd just send it along. I ended up just sending it along. I felt it was best not to try to lock kids into gender roles from an early age. If she wants to grow up to be a pirate, by god she should. I am curious to hear back from Mirianna as to how it was received.
We all went to the 'Blind Cat' restaurant. It is a quirky place with badly done amateur paintings of cats, pictures of cats, statues of cats, etc everywhere. Fortunately, no actual cats were in evidence.
Jana got to get her 'weird on'. They had one of the small sticks with ribbons on it used for Easter to hit women with to get them to give men eggs and chocolate. I don't think the symbolism is too hard to figure out here. Anyway, Jana decided she wanted it and was wandering out with it. The waitress came out after her and asked 'Is that yours?' Jana replied, 'It is now but if you want to sue me, I will give it back!' She sometimes gets very odd, but she is a gamer. We expect that sort of thing.
After that, we went and did something uniquely Czech. An amusement park. [50 CKZ each person for admittance. Rides ranged from 30 CKZ to 70 CKZ per go.]
While the rides were gaudy, decreped and many banned in the USA due to serious safety concerns, it was a nice time. Best of all, there were no lines - not even short ones - anywhere. This was 'very Czech' as it is completely unknown to tourists. The fair is held mid march to mid april every year. The place it is held at is Vystaviste, the fair is called Matejska Pout.
Jana: "Ï've liked it since childhood. I went every year. Now, I rarely find the time (to go). None of my boyfriends wanted to go there."
Pete: "Enjoyable - not touristy Prague. It's actual Czech people going there. On one hand it reminded me of every carnival I've gone to in Australia. On the other, it wasn't aimed at tourists."
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get Marianna's opinion as she had been sucked off to a birthday party but she was the one who suggested we go there, so my guess is that she enjoyed it.
LIES ABOUT THE CZECH REPUBLIC
I was told before I came here that beer is cheaper than water. Beer typically costs 30-70 CZK depending on where you get it and what you get it. I bought a bottle of water for 12 CZK.
CZECH TRADITIONS
The tradition of 'all girls go to the restroom at the same time' also is observed here.
Czechs love their dogs like Germans love their dogs. Translation, dogs are allowed almost everywhere. If you go into a pub, chances are you will find someone who loves their dog too much to leave at home in the pub. Many of the dogs are well enough trained the owners don't even have to leash them. From the American owned dogs, this is a huge step up. Unfortunately, many Czech dog owners don't get the concept of 'clean up after your fucking dog' so dog shit litters the sidewalks. Be careful where you step.
We did have an interesting time when a lady who owned one of these dogs had a poorly trained and extremely willful dog who slipped its leash and invaded a pizza place trying to get ham. When she eventually managed to recapture it, the dog showed what 'passive resistance was' as she attempted to pull it away without dislodging the leash. Someone outsmarted someone else that day.
In the Czech Republic, they often turn off the street lights. You just get them blinking yellow. I remarked to Jana that only the smallest towns in the USA did this, never a major metropolitan cosmopolitan city. She replied that "the lights are tired and need to rest."
Despite smoking being amazingly common, it is illegal to smoke at spots people wait for trams - you can be fined. Nevertheless, it is common practice to do so. I have seen people do it even in front of the police.
The Czech Republic has their own soccer (football everywhere but the USA) hooligans fro the two teams, Slavia and Sparta. We saw some of them chanting loudly outside of a supermarket. I thought it was a useless waste of time to do it - perhaps they were wanting to show people how rebellious they were. I think in the USA, cops would appear to break up that shit.
Rarely during the day but always after midnight, a pair of cops stands at the back of every street car. I think they are on buses and subways but I'm not really sure. I am wondering how many cops they actually have in the Czech Republic to be able to do that. Of all of the cities I've ever been in, this one far and away has the highest police presence.
In what I have seen of the Czech Republic, they have what I refer to as the 'Czech Stairmaster'. This would go a long way to explain the firm posteriers I've seen on many of the women here. To be more direct, there are lots of stairs and hills everywhere. I really don't think anyone from this town would ever buy a 'Stairmaster'.
In the Czech Republic, you can't get a proper shave. Every Czech I talk to always comes up with 'shave yourself' as the answer to this question.
CZECH SERVICE
I wanted to revise my earlier 'Czech Service' article to say that 'Czech service is very hit or miss'. We've gotten some really good service - maybe from a fourth or so of the places. From approximately one fourth of the places, apathetic at best service. The remainder could be characterized as 'We are here to drive customers off' service. But the good service - when you get it - can be really, really good.
THAI MASSAGE
One of the things I had hoped for before coming to the Czech Republic was that services - such as a massage - would be reasonably priced or really cheap here. This is not the case. From a flier that Pete found me, here are some prices:
Thai massage - 800 CKZ, 60 min or 1500 CKZ 120 min.
Foot massage - 700 CKZ for 60 min.
Ritual massage - 1450 CKZ for 90 min.
Relax - 450 CKZ for 30 min.
Visage - 450 CKZ for 30 min.
I know that when you go into a place like this, you usually end up getting several services, sometimes at once. No, I'm not talking about the 'happy ending' service - just the usual massage stuff. For me, the effects of a massage in the past wear off in about three days. I have zero interest in spending a couple hundred dollars or more per three days to feel better. I've got to wait till a cheaper country. BTW - if those prices sound good to you, go to the corner of Narodni ad Mikulandska in Prague - it is called the 'Relax Centrum'.
EUROPEAN HAIRSTYLES OF MALES
The women have pretty 'standard' hairstyles and theirs are too varied to talk about so I will discuss what I have witnessed of men's hairstyles. Disclaimer: These are not always true - there are always exceptions to the rule.
Long hair: Rebel or artistic temperament or 'dirty hippie'.
Long hair, dreadlocks: 'Dirty hippie'.
Clean cut: Average.
Short hair: Tough or athletic or 'skinhead'.
Hair swept up into a point in the middle of the head: Dick.
I'm not kidding about that last hairstyle. I have no idea who the hell came up with it or why. It is surprisingly common.
PHILOSOPHY
Seeing the old and young littering, as well as the graffiti which litters a huge number of the buildings, makes me uncertain as to what the people of Prague want but it might not be Prague.
LOGAN
Have you ever leaned back in a chair on two legs? Almost had it fall over and caught yourself at the last minute? I feel like that all of the time. [Disclaimer - someone famous may have said that in the past but it is mine now.]
CZECH LANGUAGE
'Yez' (sounds like 'yes' but with a 'z') is 'eat'. You say it when you want someone to eat. Imperative form, I suppose.
ENGLAND
Oh, how I wish I'd seen this before going to England. I've gotten a lot of good laughs out of it (and part 2) as well as putting myself in the same situation. Bitty!
JANA TRICERATOPS
Jana is changing her last name from (insert unpronouncable Czech last name here) to Triceratops. I think it's a step in the right direction for her.
I have also come to the conclusion that Jana is actually Italian. This would explain her great love of Italian food and complete lack of knowledge of Prague for someone who has lived here 'all of her life'. My guess is that she recently came to Prague - within the last few months. She had been complaining that Prague had no cheese shops. Within an hour, Pete and I found two very nice ones.
JANA QUOTE
"You will crossdress in Czech Republic!" Be ye warned says I.
PETE QUOTE
"Radioactive ants striding through your brain!" I think he wanted me to look it up on the internet but I didn't find anything so think that the small sip of Absinthe he had must have caused him to say it.
MISCELLANEOUS STUFF
Prague gets a shitload of tourists from all over the world. I am pleased to say that Americans are in the running for loudest and most annoying. However, many other peoples are in competition for this - especially after getting drunk.
I booked passage via bus to Budapest for 500 CKZ - just about 10% more than a meal for two at a nice restaurant. After getting a lot of reports that Slovakia is hugely boring and more expensive than the Czech Republic, I decided to give it a miss and just travel through it. I have to leave at six something in the morning but that will put me there by one or two in the afternoon - plenty of time to get settled into some sort of hostel.
My favorite bar in Prague does have soft music playing. It is called "La belle Epoque". Address is Krizovnicka 8. Open from 12-2. Although the 1980's music playing is a bit loud, i like the layout of the place and the waitress we had was (gasp!) friendly. Jana, Pete and I went there. I got drunk and said many philosophically deep things that will be lost to the ages.
Bummer.
Pete (who I habitually call 'Holmes' - keeps me from calling him Richard, Matt or Logan) bought a new small 'travel case' for his glassses. 120 CZK.
On the outskirts of Prague, Pete and I found a McDonnald's with a drive thru. A heavy weight descended on my heart as I knew Prague was doomed.
CASTE OF BONES! (Sedlec Ossuary)
It's actually a cathedral full of bones but we call it the 'Castle of Bones' because it makes us happy.
It's moderately easy (or moderately difficult if you are Logan) to get there from Prague. Three round trip tickets - 381 CZK. How did they come up with the one in the last digit of the price when it is for three people? Who the fuck knows. We had two transfers to get there and a direct train back. Travel time each way was approximately an hour.
Czech rail doesn't really strike me as 'user friendly'. Sometimes you have to find the train that leaves at the time you are looking for, then look for the right track and other weird stuff. It can be a bit confusing until you get use to it.
On travel wiki, they recommend arriving in 'kutna hora mesto'. 'Mesto' is the town itself. The stop previous to it is actually closer to the site but unless you've done a lot of research - to the point of getting town maps and such, I don't think you'll be able to find the 'castle of bones'. I recommend going to 'mesto' station and finding the town square and information center. From there, get to a bus and have it drive you around or walk the medieval style (read as 'designed by madmen and not for cars) streets.
The 'castle of bones' town was a small town. [The cathedral was in it as opposed to our in the boonies.] We (by we, I mean mostly I) wanted to go to a pub first. We tried four. Two were closed, one seemed to have no entrance (literally) and the other had literally run out of beer and didn't seem to have a lot else to drink. Keep in mind, this is a town that has a pretty fair amount of tourism. We eventually just gave up and ate at a somewhat mediocre Italian place. Czechs in general (and Jana in particular) seem to have a great love for Italian food. If I get to Italy and find it littered with Czech fucking restaurants, I will be very confused.
Eventually, we stumbled across the town square and found a lot of bars and restaurants there. Figures. Hence, if you ever get to this town to see it, just hold out till you can get to the town square. Everything good is there.
Matt (AKA Wanker): You are going to have to raise your game in tour guiding! Jana told us a cohesive story about the war between the vampires and humans in explaining the town the 'bone castle' was in. She described the church some of them lived in to this day, though the war had greatly reduced their numbers. It was actually quite interesting and detailed.
The 'Cathedral of Bones' itself is actually called Sedlec Ossuary. Before I came to the Czech Republic it struck me as something extremely unique. For those who can't be bothered to click on the provided link, just imagine 10,000 people. Probably everyone you've ever known and will ever know. Now, take all of their bones and stuff them in this place. At some point in time, some 'clever dick' got it into his head that he had all of these bones around ("Look at the bones!") and they could be put to good use. They decided to make all sorts of neat stuff out of them and have tourists through there. I think it was a good idea.
Reflections on Sedlec Ossuary:
Pete: "Almost unreal. I know they're human bones but it doesn't connect. No overwhelming or saddening feeling. Just 'hum - interesting - bones'. I felt more emotion seeing bones in the museum. They could have been piles of dog bones for all they meant. I felt more emotion looking at St. Barbara's Cathedral because of the architectural wonder of the flying buttresses - not because it was a church."
Jana: "I did say I'm terrified of death but this didn't terrify me. They should have one triceratops head in there, it would have been much better. It was kind of calming. I like how every skeletons a little bit different."
Logan: "It didn't have a morbid feel to it. I thought the art and chandelier was brilliant. We were told to take our hats off when entering but I was planning on doing that anyway. When we went in, we were given an unwanted piece of paper that had facts and such that I didn't give a shit about on it. They didn't charge us extra to take pictures which the website claimed they would. I didn't think I'd be affected by the thought of so much death as I am an insensitive bastard. I was correct."
Cost notes for Sedlec Ossuary - a 136 CZK per person ticket gets you in to see three or four different things in the town of Kutna Hora. It's a good deal if you get it. The one we got was sold at the first place there. I'd recommend arriving at noon or before into the town and be ready to either figure out where the buses are (you can buy tickets on them) or doing some pretty heavy walking.
When we were on our way back, we made the mistake of trying to use the railway toilets. Neither the men or womens had any toilet paper. It was 8 CKZ for the key. The ticket seller did give us toilet paper when we reported they were out. It was pretty nasty in those toilets like they were cleaned monthly, frequented by slobs between. And a couple months over due for a cleaning. We did see a guy rebelling (presumably) against giving up 8 CZK for a ticket to the restroom by peeing in a bush near the track he was waiting by. This reminded me, for some odd 'this is just how Logan's brain works reason, of a little girl in a dress who went into a department store and pee'd on their carpet. Her mother seemed angry but not surprised. I was suspicious she had trained her daughter and wanted to get back at the store for some reason. I give her high marks for a creative payback.
While we were on the train, I was attempting to talk Jana into doing something stupid that I could write about in the blog. She refused. If this upsets you, please write to Jana Triceratops, care of the comments field below. Had she done something stupid and funny, this blog would be all the more interesting for it.
Later that night, Pete took us out to a ritzy place to eat. We were dining outside. There don't appear to be many airborne bugs in Prague for some reason. We noticed that one of the staff was just hanging around outside, presumably to greet guests, but we also noticed part of her job seemed to be to chase beggars away and keep them from bothering the nice guests. Unfortunately, we found out that this restaurant is so greedy and grasping for money that they won't even supply guests (who have ordered food) with a fucking glass of tap water. I always get irrationally angry (like get up and leave) at restaurants that won't do this thing. Instead of giving you a glass of tap water, they want to charge you for bottled water. Pete had mentioned in Australia they were pondering making it illegal to charge for tap water. I think charging for tap water should be illegal worldwide. The food of this ritzy but insultingly greedy restaurant was OK but the brewery I described earlier (which was much cheaper) was better. If you want to go to a restaurant I won't again visit, check out Cafe Cvateho Vaclava. A fancy meal for three, 1600 CZK. WOW.
MARIANNA'S HOUSE
We got invited to Marianna's house. A couple of interesting notes on that. First off, I felt seriously cramped in the elevator. I usually think of a space as narrow if I can touch it with both of my elbows at once. There I could do that and keep my arms at my sides! You've got to wonder what they were thinking when they built it. When I get to a place where the internet doesn't completely suck and get to upload my pictures, Pete took one of me in that Elevator.
We had bought a bottle of Absinthe to bring over there. Warning - do NOT drink that shit straight. It's basically moonshine. According to Pete, the proper way to drink it is to light it on fire then drop a lump of sugar into it. This extinguishes the flames and makes it more palatable. They apparently have special spoons and all kinds of shit that goes with it. After trying it closer to the right way, it was much better. Bottle of Absinthe, 400-500 (?) CZK.
FOOD AND DRINK
At a three star restaurant, I had roasted duck legs, dumplings and cabbage. After I got it served, they wheeled out the pissed duck in a wheelchair so I could make fun of it. The dish came with dumplings and red cabbage. If you ever order this, I recommend asking for the red cabbage on a separate plate so you can figure out if you want it at your table. The stuff I got had the faint smell of a warm spring day sprinkled with the open sewer. I still gamely tried it - pretty neutral. Just that dish about 190 CZK. Lunch in a three star place for two with two spirit drinks, 445 CZK.
In England, we had a cider that everyone seemed to really enjoy. We just found it over here - in cans. Weird. If you get the opportunity to try it, try 'Rekordering' brand 'strawberry-lime'. Try that shit out. It is amazing.
A typical bar bill broken down:
Absolut blue, 78 CKZ
Caffee doppio, 86 CKZ
Cappuccino, 55 CKZ
Kahlua, 78 CKZ
Main course, 129-159 CKZ.
Total bill for several drinks, two mains, a 'starter' and two cups of coffee, 2258 CKZ or 98 Euro. Painful.
INTERNET ACCESS
I'm sure they have good internet access somewhere in this country but I haven't found it yet. When I do, I'm going to work on uploading all of the pictures I've got and so on. Till then, meh. The service here either doesn't work or is so bad when it does work that it is inconsistent. I am doing the blog by means of typing it into notepad and the later pasting it into bloger and hitting 'submit' real quick.
Always try to meet at locations which have something interesting there. You don't want to be in a dump out in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do before they arrive. And see suspicious locals. As is often the case with such meetings, other incidents and such may cause you to arrive way early of the meeting. Always ask the other person 'What's around there?' If they say they don't know, you're probably in Prague.
THE FLEA MARKET
We were suppose to meet Jana and Mirianna at a station. Unfortunately, Pete and I arrived an hour and a half early. We found it to be the most boring stop in the world. There were even two older guys who were there insistently trying to help us get to another stop. They kept telling us (in both English and German) that just one stop down was a market and we should go there instead. After thanking them politely and looking around anyway (were they hiding something cool for us to see like a giant golden sphinx? Sadly, no) we did so.
The 'market' turned out to be a semi permanent flea market run pretty much exclusively by Asians. Littered in among the desultory clothing stalls and a couple of strip clubs. Being that this was Sunday, nearly all of the businesses and most of the stalls were closed. There was also one of the Czech lottery places ("Fortuna") around. It was a pretty grim, lower class area. Pete then suggested we go to two stops in the opposite direction, which would put us one stop away from our meeting point. There we found a better place to meet up - a pub. Two drinks 155 CZK. A note on drinks here, if you order 'rum and coke' you may end up paying for both the coke and the rum shot separately. You will get a can/bottle of rum and a glass with rum in it. I'm not joking.
We met up with Marianna who had to go to a birthday party for a twelve year old girl. I had brought along one of my two pirate flags. I didn't know if we'd get invited along to the party or if I'd just send it along. I ended up just sending it along. I felt it was best not to try to lock kids into gender roles from an early age. If she wants to grow up to be a pirate, by god she should. I am curious to hear back from Mirianna as to how it was received.
We all went to the 'Blind Cat' restaurant. It is a quirky place with badly done amateur paintings of cats, pictures of cats, statues of cats, etc everywhere. Fortunately, no actual cats were in evidence.
Jana got to get her 'weird on'. They had one of the small sticks with ribbons on it used for Easter to hit women with to get them to give men eggs and chocolate. I don't think the symbolism is too hard to figure out here. Anyway, Jana decided she wanted it and was wandering out with it. The waitress came out after her and asked 'Is that yours?' Jana replied, 'It is now but if you want to sue me, I will give it back!' She sometimes gets very odd, but she is a gamer. We expect that sort of thing.
After that, we went and did something uniquely Czech. An amusement park. [50 CKZ each person for admittance. Rides ranged from 30 CKZ to 70 CKZ per go.]
While the rides were gaudy, decreped and many banned in the USA due to serious safety concerns, it was a nice time. Best of all, there were no lines - not even short ones - anywhere. This was 'very Czech' as it is completely unknown to tourists. The fair is held mid march to mid april every year. The place it is held at is Vystaviste, the fair is called Matejska Pout.
Jana: "Ï've liked it since childhood. I went every year. Now, I rarely find the time (to go). None of my boyfriends wanted to go there."
Pete: "Enjoyable - not touristy Prague. It's actual Czech people going there. On one hand it reminded me of every carnival I've gone to in Australia. On the other, it wasn't aimed at tourists."
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get Marianna's opinion as she had been sucked off to a birthday party but she was the one who suggested we go there, so my guess is that she enjoyed it.
LIES ABOUT THE CZECH REPUBLIC
I was told before I came here that beer is cheaper than water. Beer typically costs 30-70 CZK depending on where you get it and what you get it. I bought a bottle of water for 12 CZK.
CZECH TRADITIONS
The tradition of 'all girls go to the restroom at the same time' also is observed here.
Czechs love their dogs like Germans love their dogs. Translation, dogs are allowed almost everywhere. If you go into a pub, chances are you will find someone who loves their dog too much to leave at home in the pub. Many of the dogs are well enough trained the owners don't even have to leash them. From the American owned dogs, this is a huge step up. Unfortunately, many Czech dog owners don't get the concept of 'clean up after your fucking dog' so dog shit litters the sidewalks. Be careful where you step.
We did have an interesting time when a lady who owned one of these dogs had a poorly trained and extremely willful dog who slipped its leash and invaded a pizza place trying to get ham. When she eventually managed to recapture it, the dog showed what 'passive resistance was' as she attempted to pull it away without dislodging the leash. Someone outsmarted someone else that day.
In the Czech Republic, they often turn off the street lights. You just get them blinking yellow. I remarked to Jana that only the smallest towns in the USA did this, never a major metropolitan cosmopolitan city. She replied that "the lights are tired and need to rest."
Despite smoking being amazingly common, it is illegal to smoke at spots people wait for trams - you can be fined. Nevertheless, it is common practice to do so. I have seen people do it even in front of the police.
The Czech Republic has their own soccer (football everywhere but the USA) hooligans fro the two teams, Slavia and Sparta. We saw some of them chanting loudly outside of a supermarket. I thought it was a useless waste of time to do it - perhaps they were wanting to show people how rebellious they were. I think in the USA, cops would appear to break up that shit.
Rarely during the day but always after midnight, a pair of cops stands at the back of every street car. I think they are on buses and subways but I'm not really sure. I am wondering how many cops they actually have in the Czech Republic to be able to do that. Of all of the cities I've ever been in, this one far and away has the highest police presence.
In what I have seen of the Czech Republic, they have what I refer to as the 'Czech Stairmaster'. This would go a long way to explain the firm posteriers I've seen on many of the women here. To be more direct, there are lots of stairs and hills everywhere. I really don't think anyone from this town would ever buy a 'Stairmaster'.
In the Czech Republic, you can't get a proper shave. Every Czech I talk to always comes up with 'shave yourself' as the answer to this question.
CZECH SERVICE
I wanted to revise my earlier 'Czech Service' article to say that 'Czech service is very hit or miss'. We've gotten some really good service - maybe from a fourth or so of the places. From approximately one fourth of the places, apathetic at best service. The remainder could be characterized as 'We are here to drive customers off' service. But the good service - when you get it - can be really, really good.
THAI MASSAGE
One of the things I had hoped for before coming to the Czech Republic was that services - such as a massage - would be reasonably priced or really cheap here. This is not the case. From a flier that Pete found me, here are some prices:
Thai massage - 800 CKZ, 60 min or 1500 CKZ 120 min.
Foot massage - 700 CKZ for 60 min.
Ritual massage - 1450 CKZ for 90 min.
Relax - 450 CKZ for 30 min.
Visage - 450 CKZ for 30 min.
I know that when you go into a place like this, you usually end up getting several services, sometimes at once. No, I'm not talking about the 'happy ending' service - just the usual massage stuff. For me, the effects of a massage in the past wear off in about three days. I have zero interest in spending a couple hundred dollars or more per three days to feel better. I've got to wait till a cheaper country. BTW - if those prices sound good to you, go to the corner of Narodni ad Mikulandska in Prague - it is called the 'Relax Centrum'.
EUROPEAN HAIRSTYLES OF MALES
The women have pretty 'standard' hairstyles and theirs are too varied to talk about so I will discuss what I have witnessed of men's hairstyles. Disclaimer: These are not always true - there are always exceptions to the rule.
Long hair: Rebel or artistic temperament or 'dirty hippie'.
Long hair, dreadlocks: 'Dirty hippie'.
Clean cut: Average.
Short hair: Tough or athletic or 'skinhead'.
Hair swept up into a point in the middle of the head: Dick.
I'm not kidding about that last hairstyle. I have no idea who the hell came up with it or why. It is surprisingly common.
PHILOSOPHY
Seeing the old and young littering, as well as the graffiti which litters a huge number of the buildings, makes me uncertain as to what the people of Prague want but it might not be Prague.
LOGAN
Have you ever leaned back in a chair on two legs? Almost had it fall over and caught yourself at the last minute? I feel like that all of the time. [Disclaimer - someone famous may have said that in the past but it is mine now.]
CZECH LANGUAGE
'Yez' (sounds like 'yes' but with a 'z') is 'eat'. You say it when you want someone to eat. Imperative form, I suppose.
ENGLAND
Oh, how I wish I'd seen this before going to England. I've gotten a lot of good laughs out of it (and part 2) as well as putting myself in the same situation. Bitty!
JANA TRICERATOPS
Jana is changing her last name from (insert unpronouncable Czech last name here) to Triceratops. I think it's a step in the right direction for her.
I have also come to the conclusion that Jana is actually Italian. This would explain her great love of Italian food and complete lack of knowledge of Prague for someone who has lived here 'all of her life'. My guess is that she recently came to Prague - within the last few months. She had been complaining that Prague had no cheese shops. Within an hour, Pete and I found two very nice ones.
JANA QUOTE
"You will crossdress in Czech Republic!" Be ye warned says I.
PETE QUOTE
"Radioactive ants striding through your brain!" I think he wanted me to look it up on the internet but I didn't find anything so think that the small sip of Absinthe he had must have caused him to say it.
MISCELLANEOUS STUFF
Prague gets a shitload of tourists from all over the world. I am pleased to say that Americans are in the running for loudest and most annoying. However, many other peoples are in competition for this - especially after getting drunk.
I booked passage via bus to Budapest for 500 CKZ - just about 10% more than a meal for two at a nice restaurant. After getting a lot of reports that Slovakia is hugely boring and more expensive than the Czech Republic, I decided to give it a miss and just travel through it. I have to leave at six something in the morning but that will put me there by one or two in the afternoon - plenty of time to get settled into some sort of hostel.
My favorite bar in Prague does have soft music playing. It is called "La belle Epoque". Address is Krizovnicka 8. Open from 12-2. Although the 1980's music playing is a bit loud, i like the layout of the place and the waitress we had was (gasp!) friendly. Jana, Pete and I went there. I got drunk and said many philosophically deep things that will be lost to the ages.
Bummer.
Pete (who I habitually call 'Holmes' - keeps me from calling him Richard, Matt or Logan) bought a new small 'travel case' for his glassses. 120 CZK.
On the outskirts of Prague, Pete and I found a McDonnald's with a drive thru. A heavy weight descended on my heart as I knew Prague was doomed.
CASTE OF BONES! (Sedlec Ossuary)
It's actually a cathedral full of bones but we call it the 'Castle of Bones' because it makes us happy.
It's moderately easy (or moderately difficult if you are Logan) to get there from Prague. Three round trip tickets - 381 CZK. How did they come up with the one in the last digit of the price when it is for three people? Who the fuck knows. We had two transfers to get there and a direct train back. Travel time each way was approximately an hour.
Czech rail doesn't really strike me as 'user friendly'. Sometimes you have to find the train that leaves at the time you are looking for, then look for the right track and other weird stuff. It can be a bit confusing until you get use to it.
On travel wiki, they recommend arriving in 'kutna hora mesto'. 'Mesto' is the town itself. The stop previous to it is actually closer to the site but unless you've done a lot of research - to the point of getting town maps and such, I don't think you'll be able to find the 'castle of bones'. I recommend going to 'mesto' station and finding the town square and information center. From there, get to a bus and have it drive you around or walk the medieval style (read as 'designed by madmen and not for cars) streets.
The 'castle of bones' town was a small town. [The cathedral was in it as opposed to our in the boonies.] We (by we, I mean mostly I) wanted to go to a pub first. We tried four. Two were closed, one seemed to have no entrance (literally) and the other had literally run out of beer and didn't seem to have a lot else to drink. Keep in mind, this is a town that has a pretty fair amount of tourism. We eventually just gave up and ate at a somewhat mediocre Italian place. Czechs in general (and Jana in particular) seem to have a great love for Italian food. If I get to Italy and find it littered with Czech fucking restaurants, I will be very confused.
Eventually, we stumbled across the town square and found a lot of bars and restaurants there. Figures. Hence, if you ever get to this town to see it, just hold out till you can get to the town square. Everything good is there.
Matt (AKA Wanker): You are going to have to raise your game in tour guiding! Jana told us a cohesive story about the war between the vampires and humans in explaining the town the 'bone castle' was in. She described the church some of them lived in to this day, though the war had greatly reduced their numbers. It was actually quite interesting and detailed.
The 'Cathedral of Bones' itself is actually called Sedlec Ossuary. Before I came to the Czech Republic it struck me as something extremely unique. For those who can't be bothered to click on the provided link, just imagine 10,000 people. Probably everyone you've ever known and will ever know. Now, take all of their bones and stuff them in this place. At some point in time, some 'clever dick' got it into his head that he had all of these bones around ("Look at the bones!") and they could be put to good use. They decided to make all sorts of neat stuff out of them and have tourists through there. I think it was a good idea.
Reflections on Sedlec Ossuary:
Pete: "Almost unreal. I know they're human bones but it doesn't connect. No overwhelming or saddening feeling. Just 'hum - interesting - bones'. I felt more emotion seeing bones in the museum. They could have been piles of dog bones for all they meant. I felt more emotion looking at St. Barbara's Cathedral because of the architectural wonder of the flying buttresses - not because it was a church."
Jana: "I did say I'm terrified of death but this didn't terrify me. They should have one triceratops head in there, it would have been much better. It was kind of calming. I like how every skeletons a little bit different."
Logan: "It didn't have a morbid feel to it. I thought the art and chandelier was brilliant. We were told to take our hats off when entering but I was planning on doing that anyway. When we went in, we were given an unwanted piece of paper that had facts and such that I didn't give a shit about on it. They didn't charge us extra to take pictures which the website claimed they would. I didn't think I'd be affected by the thought of so much death as I am an insensitive bastard. I was correct."
Cost notes for Sedlec Ossuary - a 136 CZK per person ticket gets you in to see three or four different things in the town of Kutna Hora. It's a good deal if you get it. The one we got was sold at the first place there. I'd recommend arriving at noon or before into the town and be ready to either figure out where the buses are (you can buy tickets on them) or doing some pretty heavy walking.
When we were on our way back, we made the mistake of trying to use the railway toilets. Neither the men or womens had any toilet paper. It was 8 CKZ for the key. The ticket seller did give us toilet paper when we reported they were out. It was pretty nasty in those toilets like they were cleaned monthly, frequented by slobs between. And a couple months over due for a cleaning. We did see a guy rebelling (presumably) against giving up 8 CZK for a ticket to the restroom by peeing in a bush near the track he was waiting by. This reminded me, for some odd 'this is just how Logan's brain works reason, of a little girl in a dress who went into a department store and pee'd on their carpet. Her mother seemed angry but not surprised. I was suspicious she had trained her daughter and wanted to get back at the store for some reason. I give her high marks for a creative payback.
While we were on the train, I was attempting to talk Jana into doing something stupid that I could write about in the blog. She refused. If this upsets you, please write to Jana Triceratops, care of the comments field below. Had she done something stupid and funny, this blog would be all the more interesting for it.
Later that night, Pete took us out to a ritzy place to eat. We were dining outside. There don't appear to be many airborne bugs in Prague for some reason. We noticed that one of the staff was just hanging around outside, presumably to greet guests, but we also noticed part of her job seemed to be to chase beggars away and keep them from bothering the nice guests. Unfortunately, we found out that this restaurant is so greedy and grasping for money that they won't even supply guests (who have ordered food) with a fucking glass of tap water. I always get irrationally angry (like get up and leave) at restaurants that won't do this thing. Instead of giving you a glass of tap water, they want to charge you for bottled water. Pete had mentioned in Australia they were pondering making it illegal to charge for tap water. I think charging for tap water should be illegal worldwide. The food of this ritzy but insultingly greedy restaurant was OK but the brewery I described earlier (which was much cheaper) was better. If you want to go to a restaurant I won't again visit, check out Cafe Cvateho Vaclava. A fancy meal for three, 1600 CZK. WOW.
MARIANNA'S HOUSE
We got invited to Marianna's house. A couple of interesting notes on that. First off, I felt seriously cramped in the elevator. I usually think of a space as narrow if I can touch it with both of my elbows at once. There I could do that and keep my arms at my sides! You've got to wonder what they were thinking when they built it. When I get to a place where the internet doesn't completely suck and get to upload my pictures, Pete took one of me in that Elevator.
We had bought a bottle of Absinthe to bring over there. Warning - do NOT drink that shit straight. It's basically moonshine. According to Pete, the proper way to drink it is to light it on fire then drop a lump of sugar into it. This extinguishes the flames and makes it more palatable. They apparently have special spoons and all kinds of shit that goes with it. After trying it closer to the right way, it was much better. Bottle of Absinthe, 400-500 (?) CZK.
FOOD AND DRINK
At a three star restaurant, I had roasted duck legs, dumplings and cabbage. After I got it served, they wheeled out the pissed duck in a wheelchair so I could make fun of it. The dish came with dumplings and red cabbage. If you ever order this, I recommend asking for the red cabbage on a separate plate so you can figure out if you want it at your table. The stuff I got had the faint smell of a warm spring day sprinkled with the open sewer. I still gamely tried it - pretty neutral. Just that dish about 190 CZK. Lunch in a three star place for two with two spirit drinks, 445 CZK.
In England, we had a cider that everyone seemed to really enjoy. We just found it over here - in cans. Weird. If you get the opportunity to try it, try 'Rekordering' brand 'strawberry-lime'. Try that shit out. It is amazing.
A typical bar bill broken down:
Absolut blue, 78 CKZ
Caffee doppio, 86 CKZ
Cappuccino, 55 CKZ
Kahlua, 78 CKZ
Main course, 129-159 CKZ.
Total bill for several drinks, two mains, a 'starter' and two cups of coffee, 2258 CKZ or 98 Euro. Painful.
INTERNET ACCESS
I'm sure they have good internet access somewhere in this country but I haven't found it yet. When I do, I'm going to work on uploading all of the pictures I've got and so on. Till then, meh. The service here either doesn't work or is so bad when it does work that it is inconsistent. I am doing the blog by means of typing it into notepad and the later pasting it into bloger and hitting 'submit' real quick.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
CHOCKERS OF GOODNESS?
An omelette and two slices of tomato handed to me on a plate. I'm not sure if the waiter was trying to tell me anything. RESTAURANTS
At a place we went to breakfast in, they had both 'omelette with onion' and 'omelette with cheese' on the menu. I asked the waiter if it was possible to get an omelette with both onions and cheese. His expression was the same if I had just farted loudly on him. "No, just what is on the menu."
Right.
The picture above is what passes for a cheese omelette here - American ones are about 4-5 times the size and served with hash browns, toast and other stuff. I have no idea what the tomatoes are for.
I'm thinking if people can keep their fat asses out of the numerous fast food places that have sprung up like mushrooms they may leave the country a bit thinner. Since I've been here, I haven't seen or heard the word 'buffet' aside from the food hostels usually serve and charge extra for. And nobody wants any of that.
Breakfast for two, simple fare, two pastries, bread, butter (yeah, you pay extra for that shit) an omelette and two cups of tea, 190 CZK at a hotel dining area. Felt posh I did.
Lunch - tea, two beers, two main courses, 397 CZK. This was a meal of 'goulash' which is apparently a traditional Czech food. OK but not as good as our previous 'traditional Czech food' meal.
Later, Pete and I wanted to test the Logan stomach and went to an Indian fast food place. For two, 250 CZK. No sudden Hershey squirts! Happy days!
A note on Czech etiquette - when you're done eating and want the waiter to remove your dirty plate, you lie your fork and knife side by side to indicate you're done. With the level of service in many of the restaurants in Czech, I also put my napkin on top. Should that fail to get it removed from the table, place the plate on the ground and kick it towards them.
Another miscellaneous note - if you want to order wine, just get a bottle. The amount of wine they give you in the glasses made me think they wanted us to taste it and say if it was good or not. When I drink wine, I generally look for the American size half bottle. Merely dampening the inside of my glass isn't enough for me.
SHOPS
Figuring out where shops are and what they sell is not easy. Even Jana who claims she has lived here all of her life doesn't seem to know where anything is. I suspect that while people sleep, the city is shuffled around like in the movie Dark City. Perhaps these are the upir (vampires) Jana is always talking about.
We met up with a guy named Jan (different than the one mentioned before - seems to be a common Czech name. The 'a' is a long a sound) in a small sporting goods store. He was helpful and friendly. He also had shirts for the 'average American' (ie fit on my fat ass). T-shirt with some weird assed logo on it, 250 CZK. Pete thinks it is one of those over sized t-shirts that women buy to sleep in. I am ignoring this. It fits. I have no clue at all what will happen when my underwear start to go out. Small shops that don't deal with food/beverage seem to get better service - it's about 50/50. I'm guessing the better service is probably partially due to the fact that if they don't get customers they will close. Honestly, I'm not sure how some of these shops sell enough to remain open.
Places seem open at weird, random times. A place that serves breakfast isn't open at eleven AM. Posting the hours of operation is optional. Opening your shop a half an hour late, no big deal. In America, people would probably get fired over this sort of thing but here it is 'business as usual'.
Bakeries don't seem to be open on the weekend. I'm not joking. It is not all but a surprisingly large amount of them. Unless you are in the district with all of the other tourists, consider the hours of much of Prague to be M-F, Noon till 11 (get home before midnight!!).
Before noon, it is very hit and miss as to what is open. My guess is that things in the city center (read as 'tourist-ville') have more reasonable hours. I haven't bothered to find out as everything in that district is a bit more expensive and I'd like to see more of 'the real Prague'.
MUSIC IN PRAGUE
They are in the 1980's, I swear to God. In some places you'll hear other music. The internet has made all music styles and time periods available to anyone with any sense but at least half of the music I hear is either from the 1980's or remixes of '80's tunes. I have no idea why.
BARS
About half of the bars in Prague insist on playing music that is either from the 1980's or absolutely horrible - especially given the setting. Of the remaining bars, about half (so a fourth overall) of them have so many patrons talking so loud that you may as well be at a concert. The last bars (1/4th - if you're keeping track) are the kind I like - quiet conversation bars.
The most common color worn by everyone going to bars is black.
PRAGUE AND DRUGS
The drug culture is alive and well. We've seen people rolling their own pot into cigarettes, carrying large bags of it and heard about people who grow their own. While it is something I have no interest at all in doing I find it interesting in this setting. Word from people we've talked to is that you can carry a small amount on you without the police giving you any grief. This is interesting.
PRAGUE AND OTHER HERBS
According to Pete, if you order tea in most places, they have a huge range of different sorts. They are kept normally in a largish wooden box that is brought to your table and you get to choose which 'Lipton like pack' you want to have with your cup of hot water. Pete said fruit and herb are common. Not being a big tea drinker, I just grunted and drank my beer. If you want milk with your tea, you have to ask for it. They also have a couple of tea shops where you can buy it in a more natural, not pre-packaged format.
LET'S GO TO THE MALL
Malls suck worldwide to me. The Czech Republic is no exception. It's pretty much the normal tripe served up in a fancy troff. If women didn't shop at the malls, very few men would consider entering one.
In the mall they (naturally) had a movie theater. So Jana, Pete and I went to see 'Sucker Punch'. "Life has a flavor the sheltered will never know." - Sucker Punch.
We got to see it with Czech subtitles. Thank God it was not dubbed. I've always despised dubbed movies.
As far as the 'Czech movie theater experience', it was pretty much the same as American movie theaters with a few little changes:
a) you can buy beer there. Jana said "Of course! It is like lemonaid."
b) the tickets you get have assigned seating. We ignored that as Sucker Punch was down to just one theater, one showing and sat where we wanted. It would have been interesting if someone came and demanded their seats.
c) They sold jelly beans by the weight. I got what the others said was a very small amount. I wanted the taste more than the sugar if you get my meaning. They were awful. Worse with the beer.
MOVIE REVIEW - "SUCKER PUNCH"
This is a weird fucking movie. Both Pete and I were making comparisons - for reasons I can't mention due to possible spoilers - with the movie "Jacob's Ladder".
Pros: Visually stunning. Everyone says that and it's true. Plus, hot girls not wearing much.
Cons: It's really grim. I'm not really into grim. If you are into grim, see this movie. The movie was not internally consistent. It looked as though they were going for a 1950's feel to it but then they had a mech, androids and microphones that people use today. Pete pointed that out and I think he is correct. It's just weird. While I know that for some reason people have this weird fascination with giant walking robots, I say 'give me a hover tank and keep your silly robots'. I felt sorry for the actor who sounded like he was making voice clips for a video game and making trite quotes and misquoting things.
Weird shit: Every girl looks like she's wasted good money on eyelash extensions. I have no idea what the hell was up with that. Seriously, it didn't even look good - unless you are into that sort of thing. I'm not.
I'm not sure if it is a pro or a con but the movie was over two hours long. My ass hurt from sitting so long in the comfy chair. I guess you could say you get your money's worth if you go by time alone.
This movie (even at 5/10) would not make it into my collection.
OTHER WANDERINGS
Pete and I visited a really large Czech cemetery. Everything was covered in ivy. I sang the song 'Cemetery Gates' for Pete and the dead. Pete said he thought it was very nice but I'm not sure if he was just being polite. The dead said nothing. As Pete would say "Probably for the best."
In the RPG we use to play, the skill 'spot hidden' as in see detail or notice something of interest was a skill that every (surviving) player had high. Most people in real life have about a 'medium' level of this skill. Some things they notice, others they miss entirely. I have a bit below that. Pete would say 'more than a bit'. Pete has a 'freakishly high' spot hidden. While we were riding around on the street cars he noticed in the dark and at distance some shops. They turned out to be a hardware store and a 'clothing for disgusting fatbodies' store. I bought the 'experimental backpack securing cable' and a black t-shirt. Right near where we are staying. Doh.
GOOD AND BAD TRAVELING WITH THE LOGAN
I had asked Pete and Jana what was the best and worst thing about traveling with the Logan. Interesting and depressing answers follow:
Worst thing according to Pete "You expect everyone to do everything for you. Like knowing which subway routes and such. When you have the opportunity to do research on the computer, you are usually 'off with the fairies'." My first question for Pete was naturally "Are they hot fairies?" He explained that I generally tune out and work on my blog and such instead of trying to learn where things are. Pete has no clue how I will survive out in the world. Neither do I, but I'm willing to give it a go. And he didn't want to elaborate on the hotness of the fairies, claiming it was an Australian expression for 'mind's gone wandering' or 'spaced out'. I thought he'd bring up the snoring but he said that 'sleeping near Logan is like sleeping near a construction site - you eventually just get use to it.'
Best thing according to Pete "You make the journey less boring (in part due to 'twisted American humor')." I attempted to get Pete to elaborate on this being that the good is only a sentence and the bad is a fucking paragraph but he just laughed and went back to reading his book.
Jana's answers to the same questions:
For the bad she answered the same as Pete after Pete told her his answer. I suspect her brain had gone on Czech Strike when she wasn't expecting it. Or she was just enjoying being mean to Logan. Probably a preemptive strike as I would never do anything mean to Jana.
For the good, her answer is enigmatic - "Funny when not too funny." You can puzzle that one over in your spare time.
WHATS IN THE BAG?
Again, I apologize for not getting all of the photos uploaded yet but the internet in this country that I've had access to has been absolute shit. That being said, I'm sure people have noticed that I always have a black bag on and perchance even wondered about it. Well, if you haven't piss off - you get to hear about it anyway. It may help someone who wants to know.
The bag is an old army ammo bag, I'm not sure of the style, model number or any of that.
What's in the bag:
Medicine in a seven day dispenser that sometimes like to pop open a chamber and spill the pills to the bottom of the bag and get them dirty. Happy.
Cigarette case - cost for that was about $10 from Amazon somewhere.
Fake billfold with the days spending money in it. If you've read the old blogs you know that in America they like to send fake credit cards 'John Customer' to people too stupid to know what a credit card looks like. Keep these because at first glance, they look like real credit cards. Use them to keep in your fake 'give to the robber' wallet.
Two pens (pilot G-2, 07) to write with.
Small notebook (no spiral) to write on.
3 Lighters (smokie smokie - or somehow start a fire to survive in the wilderness for the first ten minutes till it spreads out of control and consumes me and the wilderness.)
Cheap digital folding clock - which oddly enough looks like a cell phone. In this manner, I can fool people to think I am on the phone instead of ranting like an idiot. I suspect many idiots cover in this same manner. And madmen.
Sunglasses - which it hasn't been bright enough to use yet.
Flashlight - unexpectedly handy - both for helping little old ladies to read street car time tables as well as peering down into the below ground catacombs of a Czech graveyard and ponder Cthulhu and his minions.
Bandanna - good for cleaning glasses, can double as a big Kleenex or something in a pinch.
Unused city map - Pete likes to know where stuff is. I know I want to travel south to cheaper places. Big difference in traveling styles. But, I carry it to show Pete I am trying.
Shrapnel - this is an Australian (and possibly other places) word for small change. Local change used by local people.
Metro ticket - see 'traveler's tips' below.
Blog business cards - they have my name and web address of the blog on them.
TRAVELER'S TIPS - PRAGUE
Assuming you are going to be in Prague for over a day, buy several days's worth of one day passes (you won't find the five day passes and probably won't need the month long passes) when you get there. They last for 24 hours after initially stamping them at the machine thingees you'll see when you are going into the subway or getting on a streetcar. They are good - presumably indefinitely - when not stamped. Getting to the station every day to buy a new one is a stupid waste of time.
LIES ABOUT PRAGUE
In Prague, the 'Czech table beer thing' - where they put down beer when you get there and all that - complete bullshit. It's just like any other drink. You have to order it. It is not $1 as previously led to believe - but $3-4 depending on where you go. Sure, it is still a little cheaper than American beer at a restaurant of similar caliber and this is a major city but meh. Lies, all lies. I am hoping to later get out in the countryside and see if it is true there.
JANA'S FRIENDS (AKA FRIENDS OF JANA)
We met up with Anna and Hanna. I think Anna will want to meet up with us again but I wasn't sure if Hanna liked us. Maranna was also there. People may note the similarity of the last syllable of girls names in this country...
They took us to a fashion show in an abandoned warehouse in Prague with several hundred other people. It was an interesting ambiance - totally put on by college students - but my leg was giving me enough pain that Maranna managed to borrow a chair from one of the booth ladies to lend me to sit my fat ass down. As a side note, this country does have some benches and places to sit that aren't associated with restaurants but not nearly enough. Damned healthy Europeans...
After meeting those nice people, the next night we were going to be meeting up with some of Jana's college acquaintances from one of her classes in a tavern.
We went to the 'Red Hook' tavern and met up with everyone. We were completely and totally ignored by these people. Jana moved to a different table entirely with Pete and I - still no reaction. Not a nod, wave, nothing. We ended up having a meal there and were ignored the entire time. I told Jana that if she ever came to the USA, none of my friends or acquaintances would ignore her. Hell, they could have been Czech waitresses for all they ignored us.
CZECH VOCABULARY
Nas-dro-via! = Toast!
WHERE WE ARE STAYING
'Accommodation 15'
Bad:
Echoey corridors. If people come in and talk in normal tones of voice, it is quite loud. If they are in their rooms chatting, you can hear it.
Slat beds: in other words, instead of one sheet of wood, the mattress rests on wooden slats. You can feel them through the mattress.
Office closes at 11PM. I count this as 'bad' if you were wanting to buy a cold soda (20 CZK) or try to get closer to their wifi connection though it doesn't seem to help.
Shit wifi. Weak assed signal. Since it 'works for them', they don't seem to care to upgrade it.
The walls are quite thin.
Small assed rooms. Pete and I were quite lucky when we checked in because we had asked for a two person room. They gave us a four person one for the same price. This is fortunate because I got a look at a two person room. The beds weren't on top of each other but almost touched side by side. You have to squeeze around them to move about in the room. Fucking tiny.
Noisy tile floor.
Neutral (or 'could go either way' or 'both good and bad'):
They don't clean your rooms till you check out.
You can easily hear people wandering by out on the street. They don't have window screens, double paned glass, soundproofing etc. This is in the 'neutral' category because after the pubs close and people go the hell home, the street is fairly quiet.
Good:
Get a shopping bag of laundry done for 100 CZK.
The rooms are not freezing cold.
Not a bad location - not out in the sticks.
Plenty of hot water for the showers, decent pressure.
Place seems clean (well, when we got it I mean. Now, my side is dirty. Pete's still looks pretty much the same as when we got it. I suspect he's been paying the cleaning staff on the side and sneaking them in to clean when I am asleep. Either them or the fairies.)
Plenty of 'power points' (plug in's) in the room.
Room has it's own sink and mirror.
End question is naturally, would you stay here again? Possibly while Pete is here but the only reason I can see to come back to Prague is to visit my buddy Jana. So, I would crash at her place. Under her bed (like a monster) or something. I think it would be especially funny if she got married and got excited if I was coming over but forgot/didn't bother to tell her husband and he opened the door to see me standing there. "Honey!" He yells, "There is a fat, grinning, weird American on the doorstep - should I call the police?" Then again, Jana might just ponder and say "Yes, call the police." You can never tell.
PRAGUE MENTALITY
It seems to me that the people of Prague have a great lust for all things foreign - food, music, cigarettes - which is a pity because it is diluting what they have to the point where finding actual 'Czech stuff' is becoming increasingly hard to find. Foreign stuff is perceived of as 'better' or 'cooler'. Pete (being a wise individual) speculates that by embracing foreign things they may be trying to escape the past. hence, the youth embraces the outer world with relish. Things outside of Prague are (to them) better than Prague. Logan speculates this may help explain some of the graffiti. Graffiti and the trash tossed in the city (by Czechs) kind of tell me many of them don't really love the city - it is just a place they live. Pete went on to say that in addition, large corporations are using their market power to slowly decimate the smaller players who are unable to adapt to the changes. The cycle of commercialism. With some other parts thrown in.
CZECH WOMEN AND TATTOOS
Pete made the observation that not a lot of Czech women he has seen have tattoos - at least in visible areas. I'm fairly ambivalent on tattoos. Some are interesting, a couple are cool and most worn by idiots. If you really have to get a tattoo, I recommend Pete's method of taking a couple years to select a design.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
I had asked Jana and Pete and here are our answers.
Jana: Not lying to yourself.
Pete: Friends.
Logan: Live every day as though it is your last.
AUSTRALIAN SLANG
Here is a bit of Australian slang to keep you happy! Chockers = chocker block full = amazingly full.
This blog has been chockers with information!
JANA GOT BUSTED
I'm sure everyone remembers Jana -
Well, recently she got into trouble -
For releasing these -
Into here -
So, now the State is having her build new Czech computers which look like this:
Although she must now live in a Teepee
She is given all of the cheese she can eat -
Which makes her happy -
So long as nobody looks at her shoes.
Well, recently she got into trouble -
For releasing these -
Into here -
So, now the State is having her build new Czech computers which look like this:
Although she must now live in a Teepee
She is given all of the cheese she can eat -
Which makes her happy -
So long as nobody looks at her shoes.
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