ATHEISTS IN FOXHOLES

ATHEISTS IN FOXHOLES

"There's no atheists in foxholes!"

Liar.

I'm going to guess that this statement is not meant to be taken as it stands.  Simply having someone crawl into a foxhole it would be stupid to have them suddenly undergo some sort of religious conversion.

"Oh, but you have to get shot at!"

OK - do you mean that someone has to literally be in a foxhole getting shot at for them to suddenly try to tilt the pinball game that is god through prayer?  If so, that saying not only seems really crazy specific but it is difficult to prove or disprove.

I'm going to guess that the statement actually means "When it looks like you're going to die you will suddenly start dry humping the leg of a god."

Which seems really stupid to me.  If I believed in a god, I'd guess that his divine plan probably revolves around me getting shot and my corpse violated in unspeakable ways.  He's mysterious like that.

So I'll assume the actual intent of the statement is more along the lines of "If you think you will die it will suddenly be come to (not on) Jesus time."

Which is complete bullshit.

As anyone who has been following my blog (http://logansvoyage.blogspot.com/) knows, I've thought I was going to die many times during my four plus years of wandering the world.  Any thing from getting maliciously stalked in Bosnia to having an emergency operation in Republic of Georgia to collapsing not once but twice on a gritty hotel lobby floor in Malaysia.  Earthquakes, revolutions, revolts and so forth have been events that I've witnessed.

Thinking back on it, I've actually lost track of how many times I thought "Well, shit.  I might die here."

Not once did I go creepily religious.  It could be stubbornness or not wanting to spend an eternity with religious types in an ill defined 'heaven'.

My thoughts when this sort of stuff happens are usually along the lines of "Well, shit."



HOT DAYS

People love to caution me when it gets a bit hot but after living in the tropics, the jungle and a bunch of deserts, I just smile and nod at them.  A 'scorcher' in Bulgaria is a totally different thing than when it happens in say Indonesia.

So I was out wandering around and  decided it was critical to get new shoes.

Being a fat guy, I am super proud of having worn a literal hole in my shoes.  Yes, I realize it may be through flattening the shoe with enough force to make diamonds but still, proud.

Since the bottoms had literally gone out from my shoes, my feet were cooking.

I went to a shoe store and managed to find some different sandals.  Of course, they were too small for me but still felt more comfortable than having my feet baked.

Shop keeper:  "These are leather."
Logan:  "Doesn't matter if they are plastic or leather.  The quality is not good.  They will probably wear out in two weeks."
Shopkeeper:  "They are made in Bulgaria!"
Logan:  (pause)  "One week?"

Yes, that is an actual conversation.



LOGAN'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING HOT CLIMATES!

Stay inside, run the air conditioning and drink chilled alcoholic drinks.

If that is unavailable (it usually is with my lifestyle), here are some extra steps.

Drink an assload of water.  More than that.  Those big liter and a half bottles?  You'll probably go through three per day.  More if you're doing much.

Watch your pee.  If it isn't mostly clear, drink more water.  Seriously or you might get sick.

Unless you are English, avoid direct sunlight.  English people will sunburn but due to their culture they must be sunburned to show other English people they "got some sun" when they were on vacation.  This is the only reason many go on vacation.  English people (the white ones) are usually either pasty white (beginning of vacation) or suffering heat stroke and second degree burns (end of vacation).  Assuming you are not English (or insane) stay out of direct sunlight.

If you can't, always wear head protection.  If you don't, you deserve what is coming.  Seriously.

Watch the locals, do what they do.  They've been surviving in this shitty weather longer than you have and may have some tricks.  Vary your schedule to match the locals.  It's tourists trying to see everything they can in as short of time as possible that are at the most risk for getting sunstroke and dehydration.

If you are stuck out in a desert with little in supplies, try to team up with Bear Grylls or some other famous survivalist.  Be nice to them and they may drag your useless ass out of there.  If you can't find them, try to make your inevitable death look like a bizarre murder to irritate the local police.



BOOK REVIEWS

"Redshirts" by John Scalzi.

Aside from the weird ranty stuff he goes on about after the primary novel is done (a bit of WTF), I found this witty and a bit funny in a couple places.

Recommended for fans of Star Trek.


"The Time Portal" by Joe Corso & Deborah McCarthy

Though I hated the reader in this (it sounded like he had a faint lisp) and there were several eye rolling moments in this, I powered through for as long as I could.

The book built up a guy who was a jewel thief recruited (for some reason) by the CIA.  After a big explosion he developed special sight which allowed him to see time curtains.

After going through one somewhere in the USA (I forget where) he ended up in jolly ole England and immediately set about working on creating time paradoxes by shooting a pistol around and giving a king a flashlight.

Eventually, I just gave up on the book.

2/10


COSTS

Buying new shoes, 45 lev.

GOD IS ANGRY WITH YOU

While I wait for my flight back to Istanbul, here are a couple things that have been going on.  Wanted to publish this fast because thunder just went off that was so loud it sounded like Siem Reap was getting shelled.  It is only a matter of time before the electricity goes off.



SHOE STORY


Managed to find yet another thing not to do.

My ratty, many times patched up Czech walking shoes had gotten wet at some point in Trat, Thailand.  Since I had to  move locations, the shoes were sealed into a plastic bag.

And forgotten about. 

For two weeks.

Upon opening the bag a quite memorable smell drifted out.  Rather than keeping it to myself, I put the shoes out in the hallway to sulk from neglect.

The choices were clear - either buy new shoes or find some stuff that kills bacteria.

The anti bacterial spray is the better option.  Less money and the shoes are as broken in as they can get without removing the soles.

Six stores later and it is becoming clear that Cambodians don't know what 'bacteria' are.  Nobody has any sort  of antibacterial spray.  Some rub  on ointment but that really doesn't seem like a good idea for sneakers.  Not only would I feel like a tool sitting around massaging old ratty shoes but walking would be...squishier.  

Option two is new shoes.

Asians seem obsessed with shoes.  If all of the shoe stores were instantly teleported out from malls, the buildings would collapse from structural failure.

Looking closer at the shoes in a couple stores I am uncertain which are better - the falling apart held together with miscellaneous patches and uncertain stitching ones I've already got or the ones in the stores.  They were that bad.  

Perhaps tomorrow I'll go look for other shoes but honestly, I'm uncertain as to what makes a 'walking shoe' as opposed to other types of shoes.  Since few people around speak English there probably won't be any help from that quarter.




Thought for the day:

Back when I was living in the USA, one of the flavors of ramen I ate was 'oriental'.  I've lived in SE Asia for about a year.

I have yet to come across 'oriental flavor'.

What the fuck is 'oriental flavor'?

[Note for the Americans so overwhelmed by political correctness they consider 'oriental' to be a 'bad thing'.

Get over yourselves.

The people of SE Asia use it in advertising.  The have places called the 'Oriental Hotel' and such.  They don't think it's a 'bad thing'.  If you ask them if they are 'oriental' they would just be confused and say "No, I am Thai" or whatever country they are from.

Only the USA has gotten fucked up enough where it considers it an 'insult'.]



LARP

Lumsie story

Fond memory from NERO Kzoo:  I was in the tavern and saw three guys getting in the 'lets kill this bitch' position on a fourth guy.  I think he was accused of necromancy or something.   Nothing that violated Lumsie's personal ethos.

After watching for a second, Lumsie yelled "Hey look at me!"

He began dancing around and such.  I didn't think the guy would take the hint but after a second of gawking, he noticed the other three guys were gawking and made his escape.

What made it really funny was that one of the guys went to Seth to cry about it.  I listened in on Seth Warfield's conversation with him:  "It is not Logan's fault that Lumsie is extremely charismatic and distracting.  You just have to ignore him."

The guy continued to prattle on about how unfair it was but Seth shut him down in a much nicer way than I would have.   Probably because Seth had two factors I do not:  a) respect for all people, regardless of how whiny they are and b) knowledge that this person was a customer.

I can't remember what I did but I think it was something extremely immature, like dance around distractingly every time the guy looked in my direction.



MOVIE REVIEWS

MOVIE REVIEW - PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

Finally watched "Phantom of the Opera". Couple decent songs and a whole lot of fast forwarding. I think Pratchett in his Discworld book Masquerade did a better job of capturing the freaked out spirit of Opera but they did pretty well in this movie. I just enjoyed the tongue in cheek humor of Pratchett more. Some great scenery in the movie as well as people who are clearly out of their mind. I suspect from not eating enough.  I would like to say that if you see this movie, do so for the amazing sets and stuff.  Very nice.  Not enough to carry the movie but if you're being forced to watch it (probably by a girl who thinks it is romantic rather than that the heroine is a selfish, stupid whore), the scenery will give you something to look at.


MOVIE REVIEW - I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL

I had tried to listen to this book.  Not as good as his second "Assholes Finish First" (second book) and deleted it.  The movie wasn't very good.  I give it five out of ten though I must confess I fast forwarded through chunks of it.  Not really worth watching, nor listening to the first book but I did get some chuckles out of his second book.  Apparently, he got better with experience.



GOD IS ANGRY WITH YOU

Why?  Because he's a vengeful bitch.  Now, go make him turkey pot pie!

45 DAYS TO GO

TJ TO VISIT BLACKSBURG, VA

TJ will be in Blacksburg, VA from March 4th to March 6th. Saturday is a good time to come out and see him and get him to sign your testicles with a permanent sharpie marker. Celebrity is as celebrity does!



SHOES

My old shoes finally gave up the ghost. They were starting to chaff the back of my foot so it was time to let them go. After leaving a mess in the local Walmart (why do all of the hicks take their wives there for Valentine's day?? Really?) I picked up some new shoes that have no laces. I'm not sure how long they'll last but they don't seem bad yet.

I also picked up a cheap and, as important, light (weight) bike lock chain thing from Walmart. I will attempt to remember to use that to lash my bags to something sturdy. I realize that this won't prevent someone with a knife from simply slashing the bags open, but it will make them work a bit harder for it. And maybe carry a knife.



EMPATHY

Someone who has apparently grown wiser than I in understanding people (how the hell did that happen?) mentioned to me that revealing you have built skill in 'micro-expressions' and 'personality types' and such said that you shouldn't mention this to people. Tends to put them on edge. After thinking about it for a bit, I'd agree - unless you put the right spin on it. But honestly, it's a ton of work to get that right spin on it. I would say something like "I have been trying to learn to interpret what people are trying to say via non-verbal communication" - I suppose thats less invasive sounding than "I learn to read people." But longer.



SILHOUETTE AND SERENITY

The longer one writes, the more the tendency to move away from 'cannon'. I'm not saying "I want tons of space aliens descending" and things of that nature. But lets think about it - the reavers are getting older. And even though they are all fierce, they lose some now and then so their numbers are dwindling. You can only have them for so long before they're on walkers. And time passes fast in a slow space travel game. Heck, we're going through close to a season per session on average I believe.

On long range plots; I've got about three in mind (plus others already started) that frankly I'm cautious about continuing to write. I'm not sure if the internet (long may it reign) will be accessible in the countries I'm going to, etc. I'm thinking of getting rough drafts and such now but I'm not sure if the game will be continuing on for more than the remaining six sessions that I'm in the USA for. [If you are just joining us and don't know what I'm talking about, go here or check iTunes.]



MORE GEORGIA FUN

Pete (he's a thinker he is) pointed out in his comments on the '46 days to go' blog entry I should check out the current political situation between Georgia and Russia. To sum it up, they seem to fucking hate each other. Lets put it in perspective though:
If YOU were Russia, would you really care? Yes, I know Stalin was born there. But even the kids hate Russia.

Now I have to admit that my initial motivations for going to visit Georgia are purely greedy and can be expressed in these three things:
1. Cheap cost of living.
2. They let you stay pretty much as long as you want.
3. It's somewhere that hasn't been accessible to tourists for a long time. From Wikitravel, "After years of isolation followed by war and economic turmoil foreigners are still regarded with undisguised curiosity and a casual greeting in the street could land you in the middle of the best dinner party of your life." and "Georgians are hospitable to a fault (and beyond). If a Georgian invites you somewhere it will be almost impossible to pay for anything and even raising the subject of who will cover the bill can be embarrassing for your host. If invited to a private home for dinner, make sure you arrive amply stocked with wine or sweets because your hosts may well be bankrupting themselves on your behalf." Now, I don't want to bankrupt anyone with my visiting but hell yes I want that kind of experience. Who wouldn't?

Obviously, I'm going to work at getting the 'word on the streets' as I get closer to it. If it seems too dangerous, I'll have to veer off and find somewhere else to visit. My initial plan is to stay out of the green and purple regions on this map unless I've been told that it's OK to go and check them out. I'm imagining that when I go there, I'd be coming from Turkey. According to what I read, they have good relations with them. Also, "Tourism is an increasingly significant part of the Georgian economy. About a million tourists brought US$313 million to the country in 2006."

On Wikitravel, their biggest warning is the traffic. Which is better than some of the countries I am planning on visiting that have unexploded land mine warnings... Now it does say on Wikitravel "It is not safe to travel to Abkhazia or South Ossetia. These regions are not under the control of the national government and are marked by violence between the Georgian military and separatist militant groups, who since Summer 2008 are backed up by Russian troops who are considered to be occupiers by the Tblisi government. The area's high rate of crime/lawlessness is facilitated by the absence of the central government's police and legal jurisdiction. Foreign tourists are known to have been kidnapped in the 2 separatist regions, where you'll have no recourse if your passport is stolen. If traveling to these areas, it is advisable to bring an armed escort."

So, I'm good there - I'll just stay the hell out of the separatist regions. I think I can safely say there is all kinds of other country to see without going there.

As a side note, "The younger generation, largely due to hostility towards Russia, now prefers to study English, but because access to good quality English instruction in province is so low..." Hence, even I could probably pick up teaching kids English ("Surprise Mutherfucker!") in some of the regions if I wanted to for food, lodgings, etc.



TRAVELWIKI

I would also like to say that Wikitravel has got my vote for 'why the hell would anyone need to buy a travel guide ever again?' Very nice indeed. If you are going to travel anywhere (even within the US for less adventurous souls) I would check it out. Heck, there is even an entry for the small town of Blacksburg, VA (which totally makes it sound better than it is)..



LOGAN FIXES HIS COMPUTER

It was making a strange noise. At this point, I went through my trouble shooting for computers.
1. Will it to stop doing what it is doing that is irritating me.
2. Gently thump it on the side. Not too hard, it is a computer. If it wasn't, I could hit it with a hammer.
3. Open it up and look at the alien stuff within.
4. Wonder what is wrong.
5. Try spraying it with air.
6. Close it back up and restart it.
7. Wonder why it is disobeying me.
8. Pace around and try to convince the computer it should obey.
9. Turn if off, wait, pray then turn it back on.
10. Threaten the computer.
11. Plead with the computer.
12. Threaten to get someone smarter than me to 'deal with' the computer.
13. Repeat steps 7 to 11.
14. Get someone smarter than me to 'deal with' the computer.
15. Ask the smarter than me person who has dealt with the computer what they did so I can learn from it.
16. Forget whatever was answered in step 15.

And number five worked!! Sure, it made dust come out but when I restarted the computer, it stopped making the noise! Woohooo!



DIE HARD

I was concerned because I was having some trouble understanding some of the German the terrorists were saying and it was concerning me. I'm kind of glad that I looked at IMDB on it because it said "The German that the terrorists speak is sometimes grammatically incorrect and meaningless. In the German version of the film, the terrorists are not from Germany but from "Europe". This has been fixed for the Special Edition VHS and later home video releases. The only instances of incorrect use of German are Alan Rickman's (Hans Gruber) lines." OH!



ENGLISH PROVERB

A friend of mine named Josh mentioned a proverb I wish I'd had when I did the blogs on food earlier. "Hunger is the best spice."



ROUGH ASIA MAP

This will have to do until I can get more information. It seems that while it is possible to do Asia on $10 to $20 a day, getting in there is a pain in the ass.



ROUGH AUSTRALIA AND AREA MAP
Australia is a bit more expensive but some of the other places near there might be cheaper.