UNDERWEAR FOR THE FAT
(Note - this takes place in Malaysia).
The dreaded time had arrived. The amount of skin coverage had shrunk as the holes grew. The laundry ladies were starting to give me odd looks. Time at last to attempt to purchase underwear.
In many ways, it is like coming from the land of giants and trying to find clothing. It is odd because sometimes you see a fat Asian. You want to shake him. Partially to see the wobble, sure, but also to demand to know where he shops. "Hey - you're fat - I'm fat - we're like brothers!" Not winning hearts and minds.
It's a bit like searching for the grail.
Asia may be said to be back in the 1990's, at least as far as shopping malls go. Unlike in the USA, shopping malls are still a very big deal here in Asia. So, I found a shopping mall.
After searching the wrong floor (0, 1, 2 here in Asia as in most of the world as opposed to 1, 2, 3 in the USA because we love doing shit differently) I found the wrong store but it had underwear.
In countries that have no return policy (you bought it, now fuck off) it is best to bring what you want to buy. They may stretch the truth - along with the underwear - to make a sale.
Pulling my clean, laundered underwear out of the bag was a lot like presenting them with a live snake.
Horror and revulsion.
After making them remove the new one from the package so I could hold up mine and compare size I wondered if I should have brought an oxygen tank to let them get a few hits.
It was great fun.
Unusually, I found underwear. They were labeled 'jumbo'. If a fat person feels bad, they can eat them feelings away with ice cream.
Yum.
In the USA, the size would have been XL or XXL. Here, it is 5XL because 'You are fat."
I was excited to find them.
In fact, I was so excited to find them, I thought "Better get two two packs."
Nope. They have only one.
The amount of material used to make this single two pack of underwear is so great that somewhere a circus had to give up it's tent.
So you only get one.
No, there is no back room for them to go to and pretend to search while bitching to fellow workers about how much they hate customers. They looked at that shelf, there seem to be no more.
Take your nasty underwear and go.
Eventually, I found the store I'd been directed to. Since the luck I was displaying might have caused me to win a lottery - ... No. They didn't have anything close to my size.
A usual tactic when they don't have something you want is to offer you something small that you can't use.
"We don't have 5XL but we do have M?"
Sure - let me lose fifty kilos and jump right into that.
"Shoes? You want size forty six? We have forty four!"
Sure - let me shrink my feet and that will be fine.
"OK!"
Yes, they thought I was going to buy the shoes. I shook my head and left.
Help support all education systems. Living in a world with a lot of dumb-asses can be stressful.
But hey, I got some underwear.
Pretty psyched.
BOOK REVIEW
"Dead of the Night" by M.R. Forbes
It's always baffled me as to why someone would want to use the same fucking title as a bunch of other people. Fortunately, the rest of the book is more creative than the title that has been reused bunches in the last decade.
The protagonist is an anti-hero. Not nearly so annoying as Thomas Covenant fortunately. Yeah, I'm still pissed at the author of that crap. Anyway, this guy is an asshole. He is also a necromancer who is scared of death. (After you read the entire book, you will wonder 'did he mean that in two or three different ways? Yes. Yes I did.)
Overall, I'd put it at a 5/10. It's bubble gum for the brain. The one idea (mostly unexplored) I found most interesting is that it takes an urban fantasy world and mixes it with a world in which you can go into a virtual world. It's just kind of on the side but I could see how it might bring back memories of the Shadowrun tabletop RPG. Not sure. There only seem to be two books right now for audio so I will check out the next in the series.
(Note - this takes place in Malaysia).
The dreaded time had arrived. The amount of skin coverage had shrunk as the holes grew. The laundry ladies were starting to give me odd looks. Time at last to attempt to purchase underwear.
In many ways, it is like coming from the land of giants and trying to find clothing. It is odd because sometimes you see a fat Asian. You want to shake him. Partially to see the wobble, sure, but also to demand to know where he shops. "Hey - you're fat - I'm fat - we're like brothers!" Not winning hearts and minds.
It's a bit like searching for the grail.
Asia may be said to be back in the 1990's, at least as far as shopping malls go. Unlike in the USA, shopping malls are still a very big deal here in Asia. So, I found a shopping mall.
After searching the wrong floor (0, 1, 2 here in Asia as in most of the world as opposed to 1, 2, 3 in the USA because we love doing shit differently) I found the wrong store but it had underwear.
In countries that have no return policy (you bought it, now fuck off) it is best to bring what you want to buy. They may stretch the truth - along with the underwear - to make a sale.
Pulling my clean, laundered underwear out of the bag was a lot like presenting them with a live snake.
Horror and revulsion.
After making them remove the new one from the package so I could hold up mine and compare size I wondered if I should have brought an oxygen tank to let them get a few hits.
It was great fun.
Unusually, I found underwear. They were labeled 'jumbo'. If a fat person feels bad, they can eat them feelings away with ice cream.
Yum.
In the USA, the size would have been XL or XXL. Here, it is 5XL because 'You are fat."
I was excited to find them.
In fact, I was so excited to find them, I thought "Better get two two packs."
Nope. They have only one.
The amount of material used to make this single two pack of underwear is so great that somewhere a circus had to give up it's tent.
So you only get one.
No, there is no back room for them to go to and pretend to search while bitching to fellow workers about how much they hate customers. They looked at that shelf, there seem to be no more.
Take your nasty underwear and go.
Eventually, I found the store I'd been directed to. Since the luck I was displaying might have caused me to win a lottery - ... No. They didn't have anything close to my size.
A usual tactic when they don't have something you want is to offer you something small that you can't use.
"We don't have 5XL but we do have M?"
Sure - let me lose fifty kilos and jump right into that.
"Shoes? You want size forty six? We have forty four!"
Sure - let me shrink my feet and that will be fine.
"OK!"
Yes, they thought I was going to buy the shoes. I shook my head and left.
Help support all education systems. Living in a world with a lot of dumb-asses can be stressful.
But hey, I got some underwear.
Pretty psyched.
BOOK REVIEW
"Dead of the Night" by M.R. Forbes
It's always baffled me as to why someone would want to use the same fucking title as a bunch of other people. Fortunately, the rest of the book is more creative than the title that has been reused bunches in the last decade.
The protagonist is an anti-hero. Not nearly so annoying as Thomas Covenant fortunately. Yeah, I'm still pissed at the author of that crap. Anyway, this guy is an asshole. He is also a necromancer who is scared of death. (After you read the entire book, you will wonder 'did he mean that in two or three different ways? Yes. Yes I did.)
Overall, I'd put it at a 5/10. It's bubble gum for the brain. The one idea (mostly unexplored) I found most interesting is that it takes an urban fantasy world and mixes it with a world in which you can go into a virtual world. It's just kind of on the side but I could see how it might bring back memories of the Shadowrun tabletop RPG. Not sure. There only seem to be two books right now for audio so I will check out the next in the series.
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