AND...BACK TO INDONESIA...

CONVALESCENCE IN INDONESIA

When I am feeling better, exploration is the name of the game.

While there are about three places I can think of I'd like to go back to (visit with friends in Romania, an apartment I've got in Bulgaria and some friends I need to visit in Macedonia) there is one in Asia that I really enjoyed - Dani's in Bali, Ubud, Indonesia.

After getting sick, and because eastern Europe may still be 'too damned cold' and since I was in Asia anyway, the signs pointed to going there to rest and try to get my strength (as it were) back.

Fuck winter.

After sleeping on a box spring (no mattress) for several days in the dull town of Krabi, Thailand I decided it was time to say goodbye to my new friend Chris.  I'd gotten a rather good interview with Chris that will hopefully make an appearance in this blog soon.

It was then time to do the 5 AM wake up - after the drinking with Chris and some Thai expats until 1 AM, of course.

The alcohol I was drinking was not nearly this pretty.  It was shitty red wine mixed with diet Coke.

Didn't hear my normal alarm but fortunately the new cellphone (and my usual paranoia) saved me.

Managed to get up on time, pack a few remaining things and head downstairs to wait.

Eventually, some privately owned car pulled up across the street.  I greeted him and asked who he was looking for.  "My boss."

Fair enough.  Later, I asked him if he was going to the airport.  "Yes."

Taking his boss to the airport.  Sounds great.  Sure wish the guy I'd already hired through the hotel - and paid for - would show up.  He was fifteen minutes late so far and I didn't have a lot of wiggle room on this one.

I even flashed my ticket at the guy waiting for his boss but he shook his head.

Twenty minutes after the scheduled pick up time I said "Fuck it".  I wasn't going to let $200 of tickets slide down the drain due to the usual incompetence often found in Asia.  I began negotiating with a tuk tuk driver who was cruising around looking for work.

He then asked the guy waiting for his boss something...and it turns out this guy was waiting for me.

I had told him I was from the hotel, asked where he was going, telling him I was also going to the airport and even flashing the ticket at him he had to collect in order to get paid.

So.  He's retarded.

If Dr. House says it, everyone loves Dr. House.  If I say it, I'm an insensitive prick.  Like Dr. House.

At least he knew where the fucking airport was.

Not kidding.  This sort of thing happens all the time in Asia.  As is said by many long term travelers I've run in to "there is a reason their country is poor".

Sorry for sounding like I joined the USA's Republican Party there.  Fear not, I will not be trying to shame the poor.  It's just when people have done something for a long time - even if it is stupid - they often keep doing the same crap over and over.  I know I do.

So I make it to the airport on time.

The flight on the extremely cheap (good value) AirAsia is uneventful going from the grubby airport at Krabi (that town really has nothing to recommend it) to the massive airport at Kuala Lumpur.  The Malaysians also managed to not lose the plane from Kuala Lumpur to Bali.

Logan was thrilled to survive.

According to things read on wikitravel, the fare from DPS (airport code of main airport at Bali, ie 'where you will arrive') it costs 200,000 IRP (Indonesian rupees) to leave that town and head to Ubud.  Oh, the offers I had.  500,000 IRP on up.

I scoffed at them, told them not to talk to me and often walked away.  This is part of the game.

Eventually, found a guy who would not go down to my 200,000 but would go for 250,000.  [Edit:  According to Dani, this was the correct price.]

Remember, the guy who can speak English you find at the airport is often not the person who will actually be driving you - they are just the tout.

After getting passed off to his minion, we leap frogged through traffic for about half the time they claimed the trip would take before making it to Ubud.

Once here, I got to see my new accommodation.  Not nearly as nice as the room I stayed in last time but Dani does work hard to make things work and make you feel welcomed.

After fighting his broke assed internet (he doesn't know much about computers and the internet is a new thing for him) for half an hour I finally got back online.  [Edit:  The government blocks downloading sites and such.  Be sure to stock up before you come to Indonesia if you want to watch movies and such.  They also seem to block proxy stuff.  Unfortunate.]

It looks like a lot of things will be working out here.  Long time readers may recall that when I started to travel I got to travel with Pete and Jana through a couple countries outside England.  Pete, who had never traveled outside of Australia has become a fairly avid traveler.  He will be here.  Barry and Kim, friends I'd met last time in Ubud Bali - also here.

So it should be a nice trip!



FUN PICS

Although I am still currently recovering from Dengue, I would like to assure everyone I am still dry humping statues whenever the opportunity...arises...

Plus, it is always a complete waste of time for both parties unless they are already in agreement.

VIDEO

Chris' bottle collection



AUDIO

Interview with Chris

CHILLAXING IN BALI

TOURISM IN INDONESIA

From wiki, "In 2011, the number of international tourists arriving in Indonesia climbed 9.24 percent to 7.65 million arrivals from about 7 million in 2010. Length of stay set at 7.84 days by an average spend of US$1,118.26 per visit."  Interesting.



VIDEO (AND PROPANE) KILLED THE RADIO STAR

Some things you wish you could catch on video.  The expression on a womans face at a restaurant.  While she was eating, they were changing the propane tank literally right next to her.  She looked as though she just got a facefull of propane.  The man walking right next to her with the lit cigarette didn't 'lighten' her mood.



MISINFORMATION - MY USUAL CUPPA

Since I've lived for a couple weeks in Bali, I have thought about how much misinformation I received prior to arrival.  You can make up your own mind with the prices I've jotted down but here is generally how I see them thus far:

Lodging is in the $10-$15 range for the 'bottom of the barrel' prices.  You can spend as much more as you want but you really don't get much more for that price.

'Native' food is generally $1-$2 per meal.  Breakfasts are generally included with even the cheapest of rooms.  'Foreign food' will set you back $4 on up, usually with an extra 'fuck you' tax thrown in on top.

Don't buy medicine here, it's amazingly expensive for SE Asia.

There are two different kinds of alcohol - taxed and homemade.  The taxed stuff is not very good and the price is about the same as Thailand and Malasyia - in other words, 'WTF expensive'.   Don't come here to drink, go to Cambodia where it costs less (rather than the same or more) than the USA.  Like in all other countries, the homemade alcohol has the advantage of being very cheap ($1 for a couple hundred ml) and the huge disadvantage of being extremely variable in quality.  It can go anywhere from 'tasty' to 'drinking oil tastes better' to 'may cause blindness or death' (literally).

Treats (candy bars, soda and such) are anywhere from $.60 to $2 on up, depending on what you get.  It is strange but a lot of times it seems that the 'treats' cost more than the native meals.  This isn't a bad way to discourage mid meal snacking.

In general, if a couple were to ask me how much they'd be spending per day in Bali, I would say that if you are spending over $50 USD (fully inclusive) you either a) are blowing through money  b) getting ripped off on prices  c) doing interesting stuff like SCUBA diving.  I can't see a couple spending more than $100-$200 per day unless they've just gone insane.



PHILIPPINES PRELIMINARY PLAN

Only brain damaged people (IMO) purchase tickets before they need them.  In my experience these people seem to spend a lot more time on the phone trying to adjust the times of departure for their tickets than the money they've saved.  I will not be pre-purchasing tickets.

I have, however, come up with a general course once I've gotten into the Philippines.  This is based on some research I've done on Wikitravel.  This might be wildly altered once I get into the country if I discover somewhere else I want to go, join up with other travelers or whatever.  These are just cities I've looked at and said 'they seem somewhat interesting and lo, they have cheap places to stay within them'.

Start-> Davao -> Cagayan de Oro -> Cebu -> Vigan -> Out (probably back to Bangkok with a bus ride over to Phnom Phen to go look for my medicines at a couple of pharmacies I may be able to locate there.  Or head over to Siem Reap, which I like better.

Since Philippines looks like a wild place full of islands with resulting ferry rides, this won't be easy.

It is possible to fly from Bali straight to Davao - if I want to give up USD 450.  But I don't.  I'm going to do more research to see if there is anything worth seeing between Bali and Philippines.



BALI - WHAT'S GOING ON NOW

Honest to god, I've gotten sucked into Bali.  I'm just 'chillaxing' (a new word made by hippies, I suspect) here.  It's a really nice spot I've got and I'm getting everything I can out of it before moving on.  In other words, I KNOW I've got it good here so here I sit whilst planning my eventual takover of the world, and so on.  If the place I was in had wifi I'd be even more tempted to just stay longer.  Yes, I go use wifi at internet cafes, restaurants and such but it's just not the same as leaving my computer on 'do massive download of shows while I sleep for the next couple weeks so I have new entertainment'.



QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I wouldn't have known she was Jewish if she had dropped the subject." - Kim



EXPATS

Before I left the states, I'd read up on expats.  These are people who have 'expatriated' from their home country and gone to live in a different country.  Most couples who expat fail.  From the stats I read, it is usually the wife who misses her relatives (whom she rarely sees anyway) or familiar turf and wants to move back.

If memory serves, the 'failure rate' is about half or more.  Sad, but they should have tried it for a year or two before to see if they liked it.  PPPPPP, as they say in the military.  Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

Of the expats I've seen that 'made it' (ie are living happily in their new chosen country) I've noticed quite a change from the people in the US who are just old and marking time till death.  The expats I've seen in foreign countries I would describe as 'lively', 'with it' and even 'spry'.  For these expats, there is a lot of interesting stuff to discover and new people to interact with.  The two expats whose home I visited and video taped fit into this 'happy' category.

I think it's a better option than 'stay home and rot'.

[Disclaimer:  I realize that some people will say they are more happy in their own country.  If those people have spent extensive time outside of their own country - and off of their own continent - good.  Stay home and be happy.  If the people have not spent extensive time outside of their own country and off of their own continent yet say they are more happy there, ignore them.  They are merely expressing their own ignorance and fear.



ENGLISH BLUNDERS

English is a versitle language.  Humor doesn't translate well.  Foreigners often take what is said literally.  When you are talking to another native speaker, you tend to forget that.  An actual conversation:

Speaker:  "In Bali, they believe dusk is a dangerous time to travel.  Demons can more readily enter your body."

Logan:  "Good.  It'll keep all of the other demons already in my body entertained."

Probably not the best response to make within hearing of people whose English was not perfect.  A lot of wary looks and being cautiously treated after that.



PERFECT HOSTEL

"What makes a good hostel?"  Since the answer is different for everyone, I will instead ask "What is Logan's idea of a perfect hostel?"

From time to time, you find one which has some elements and not others.  Hostels themselves are (or are suppose to be) cheap places for backpackers to stay.  Since they are 'cheap', the choice in the building is more limited.  Moreover, the building itself is usually rented so extensive renovations are impossible and impractical.

Hopefully, this won't come across as too sanctamonious.  I've never in fact owned a hostel (or anything, really) but as a guest, I have certain expectations and hopes.  The more of them a hostel can fulfil, the better.


Vibe:

The better hostels I've stayed at have a simple rule of 'foreigners only'.  Because they are cheap places to stay, you can often get some natives of very questionable repute wishing to have lodgings within their own country simply because it is cheap.  Invariably this has changed the 'vibe' (feel) of the hostel for the guests staying there and never for the better.


Staff:

Something which I've come across in a few (but not enough) hostels is the frequent hiring of long term lodgers onto the staff.  One hostel in which I recently stayed at in Bangkok had a sign "If you are going to be here for two weeks or longer and would like to work for a free bed, see the owner."  In this way, you get people who can speak English and understand backpackers.  This is not always superior to hiring natives but would be an inexpensive addition to the staff.

The one thing I (as an owner) would absolutely demand from the staff is they create less noise than the other guests.  Nothing screams 'shoddy' to me faster than a lot of quiet guests trying to concentrate on other things while the staff members sit around watching a blaring TV.


Security:

So many places are using cheap locks that are easily forced with a screwdriver.  Picking or bumping isn't even needed.  I suggest what I am terming 'Indian locks' - the massive bolt you lock with your own lock.  These are good for private rooms and even the under bed lockers (see below).  Note, I would suggest the hostel owner keep a heavy duty bolt cutter for cutting off the locks of chronicaly stupid and careless people.

The best security I have seen for people's gear is either the lockers that are seperate and large enough for the entire backpack or the large ones that are under the bed.  Under the bottom bunk are two large lockers capable of storing an entire backpack as well as other gear.  The ones which go under the bed have struck me as the more space efficient option.  Clearly, if your beds are the cheap planks (which ocassionally fall out) these will not work.  If you have decent beds, these are fairly secure.


Noise:

Any place next door to construction, a disco, chicken farms, dogs or cats - not a good place to stay.  Unfortunately, in most countries berift of zoning laws you might have a perfectly quiet hostel then wam, the neighbor decides to open a disco and there is nothing at all you can do about it.

Since sound proofing is often cost prohibitive, the more doors and such you can have between your sleeping area and the common area, the better.  I recommend self shutting as well - people live like animals and haven't learned to shut doors.  Rather than spending your time yelling at them or hating them, just get self shutting doors.


Pets:

It runs against common sense to allow any pets on the premises for any reason.  You turn away potential customers who may either dislike or be alergic to the type of animals you have allowed to invest your hostel.  It is a business, not a home - despite you spending time there.  In addition to loss of potential revenue, you also will get dirt, hair and smells from the animal(s).  As far as business moves go, I believe it is a poor one, regardless of how many people croon over the beast.  (See also 'noise' section above.)


Hooks:

The more hooks, the more stuff gets hung up.  If the hooks are arranged in the bathrooms and bedrooms, it makes it easier to hang up your stuff while you shower and so on.  If you have no hooks, people will make hooks.


Laundry Service:

Offering a laundry service that is at or below costs of the outside laundry service is important.  Otherwise,  people will wash their clothing at your place then hang it up and make the place look very trashy.  Also, laundry service can generate extra revenue.  If this is not desired, making some sort of deal with a laundry woman who comes by daily is important.  Another way to do it is to have a washer and several drying lines that the guests can use either free or at a minimal charge.


Stuff left in common areas:

Because many people are unbelievably messy, they like to leave their stuff in a common area used by lots of other people.  You have three choices.  Leave it there to inconvience the rest of the guests as well as make your place look trashy.  You could instead spend your efforts bitching at people to clean up after themselves.  Just because they either had parents that didn't teach them this or they failed to learn it even after years of being bitched at doesn't seem to matter to many people.  I learned my favorite option from Adam.  Throw their shit out, instantly.  There is no asking 'who left this stuff here'.  Indeed, signs posted (and often ignored) in the bathroom tell people that anything left in here will be thrown out instantly.  Let them dig through the garbage can to retrieve their crap.  Since they want to live like Oscar the Grouch (Sesame Street) they can dig through garbage cans like him.  While it may cause them stress initially, I have found that remaining calm and merely pointing at the sign while looking at them in a pitying way to be a great stress relief.  [For those that wish to self righteously ask how it would make me feel to have my stuff thrown out, I would respond that indeed I have messed up, left something in a common area within Adam's domain and got to dig it out of the garbage can later.  I felt greatful they didn't throw anything really messy on top of it.  Also, I was greatful that the bathroom is not clogged up with self righteous, sloppy people's shit.]

In short, I think that it is a lot of little things that make the 'perfect' hostel.  I haven't been to one yet.  I have found places that have more right than wrong with them and tend to stick around when I do.  Even the better hostels can have serious drawbacks like weak toilet seats.


Sturdiness:

The hostel owner must assume that any surface which can be sat upon (or have great weight put upon) will.  I was in a hostel which had an exposed radiator.  It didn't look that sturdy to me.  Before I could say anything, a moron had sat upon it.  Naturally, it broke.  I would suggest either reinforcing these surfaces or decorating them with a fetching (permanently attached) barbed wire to discourage asses.  I realize that may end up with the surface broken and someone else's ass bleeding, but there may be some satisfaction therein.



COSTS:

Bitang 330ml cans, 13,700 IDR

Strange, not very good 'Black Forest Cake', 22,200 IDR

Pringles Wild, 110g 15,600 IDR

Pepsodent Plus G toothpaste, 75g, 4950 IDR

Minute Maid pulpy orange juice drink, 6500 IDR

Piece of extremely shitty apple pie, 17,000 IDR.  Note, do not buy pies in SE Asia.  They are always hugely disappointing.  But like a fool, I do try now and then.

Staff, 1 per expat required by law, $3 per day.  Really.  Some say you must include meals - not sure on this but given the price of food when you have them prepare it themselves even that is pretty much nothing.  Maybe an extra dollar per day.

Major house blessing with party, dancers, music, food, priests, flowers and sleep over for sixty people, $200.

STATUESQUE BESTIALITY IN INDONESIA

INDONESIA "FULL THROTTLE"


At nine in the morning, Christopher invited me for a tour to go see a couple temples.  I readily agreed.  He inquired if I'd like to see the itenary.  "Absolutely not!"  I responded.  His personality type is melancholic and (for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about) this means he had studied the details and knew where we would be going and so on.  Since I am choleric, I didn't care.  We were going and I had to be ready to go at nine.  That is enough information for me.

We went to see two temples.  This took literally eleven plus hours of riding and strolling.  Needless to say, my body was wracked with pain from 'riding bitch' that long.  Ironically, I thought that the scenery we didn't pay for was better than the temples and rice fields they charged us to see.  I don't recommend either temple.

At the first temple, they did have a bunch of animal statues just put up for people to take their pictures with.  Since they were unconnected with any sort of religious things, I got my amusement quota by 'dry humping' them and having my picture taken doing so.  It was juvinile but I feel that it did justify the cost of these things.

The section of videos and such will more adequately show the huge journey we took will be uploaded once I can find decent internet.  The reason it is called 'Full Throttle' is that for some hills, Christopher had to use his feet to urge along the bike because it had insufficient power.  It reminded me of an old car once owned by a certain Derek Jones.

Considering we spent under $10 for the bike rental and various temples, this was a cheap day of entertainment.  Made still cheaper by dry humping.

                                                                           And with savage glee, I did rape the statuary...




MOSQUITOS

As those who have traveled with me before, my flesh isn't considered especially tasty by female mosquots.  Indeed, females of my own species do not tend to find it so.  Since I had come to Indonesia without the benefit of any shots nor anti-malarial tablets, I decided to purchase something which either drives off or kills the few females still troubling me.  I refer to the insects, not the human females as none of these seem to be troubling me in any way.  Nor biting me during the night.  Which would be odd.  Christopher told me of an interesting, electrically powered device.  He had good results from it.  I purchased the "Generasi Baru Hit-Mat".  It is a very small heater powered with 220 volts.  You slide a small card into it and plug it in.  The room slowly fills with a not unpleasant aroma.  After half an hour or so, no mosquitos are present.  I haven't tried this in extremely adverse conditions but thus far I have only good things to say about it.  The new pads are sold seperately, last for eight hours and are cheap.  For  a months supply it was a couple of dollars.  The weight of the unit is neglegable.  It is also far more pleasant and effective than the 'mosquito coils' which are burned.  The smoke keeps away some of the female insects and most of the human females.



TRANSPORT IN INDONESIA

Indonesia is odd in that it seems to be one of the few countries that using a travel agent to book travels is a good idea.  Because the bemo (small, shared van) drivers are such greedy and repellant people, any time you need to use a bemo it is a bad experience.  They will try to charge you many times the going rate.  They even try to rip off their own countrymen.

It costs a small amount more to use a travel agent but having significantly less stress and waiting for the vehicle to get more passengers seems well worth it.


Christopher had booked transport which was suppose to pick him up at Dani's.  I know they use small buses for this so I was curious as to how they would 'pick him up' since the bus would not fit down the alley.  The driver had to get out of the vehicle and walk down the alley to get here.  Sadly, we had already left in search of the vehicle by the time the driver made it here.  They found us enroute to the office and took Christopher on board.  Neither the driver nor other passangers were happy - but Christopher is on his way at last.



UBUD

The main street of Ubud is a nice enough walk, discounting the constant irritant of the cab drivers who call out to you ever few minutes.  Much of this town has sidewalks though they are treacherous.  Large stones cover the sewer beneath.  Several of these stones have fallen or will shift underfoot.  Also, sometimes moped drivers just feel like driving on the sidewalk.  Since there are no real traffic rules about such things, all you can do is get out of the way.  Yes, they will beep at you to move if you are in their way - on the sidewalk.

For normal tourists, Ubud - the 'cultural capital' seems to be more miss than hit.  While I personally enjoy the random architecture and little temples dotted all over, time pressed tourists want to see something more grand during their brief stay.  Other than the Monkey Temple (I enjoyed it very much) there doesn't seem to be much in this town.



DANI'S HOMESTAY

Staying at Danis' is a real treat.  He treats you as an honored guest ("Would you like some coffee?"  It is at no charge!) and I am feeling very spoiled here.  Pretty much the only thing I am concerned with staying here is my slowly dwindling stock of downloaded entertainment.  Since he has no wifi I can't replace it.  Getting an 'internet stick' requires an initial outlay of about $30 and I'll go through their '2 gig' fast.  Real fast.  The only alternative I have found for wifi in this area is to carry my laptop 1-2 KM to an overpriced restaurants in the center of Ubud which offers free wifi.



LOOKING FOR LODGING WITH WIFI IN UBUD

Keeping in mind that Dani's seems to be a step above anything else near it's price range, here are my results for Ubud.

The main street of Ubud is an east-west street.  The places I checked are all near this street.  I didn't go onto terciary streets though there are places there as well.  All prices in IRD.  These prices are prior to negotiating - but keep in mind that Indonesia is mostly a 'take it or leave it' culture as opposed to negotiating.  If I put wifi, it means wifi is in the rooms.  If it is only in the lobby, I specify that as it is (for me) useless.  All of the rooms I checked had hot water unless otherwise specified.  Some places even have an ornamental rice field but it is not very cool looking so I don't see the point.

I also excluded any place that didn't have an obvious sign.  If it isn't easy to find, they obviously don't need the business.

Mawar Homestay and Gallery, wifi, 250,000
Pura Ovanti, wifi, 350,000-400,000
Puri Bayu, locked, possibly abandoned
Pondok Krishna Guest House, wifi, 350,000-400,000
Pondok Indar, wifi, 200,000
Permana Cottages, wifi, 300,000
Iea Inn, wifi in lobby only, 250,000-300,000
Honeymoon Guest House, cooking school and restaurant, wifi, 450,000-700,000.
Sama's Cottages, wifi, 380,000

The following are on Jalen Kajeng street, north of the E-W main street:

Pradha Guest House, small swimming pool, wifi, 400,000
Rojas Homestay, some rooms have hot water, 125,000 w/o, 150,000 with
Agung Homestay, too yuck to ask price
Shanti, no wifi
Arjana Accomodation, no wifi but should be installed in August 2012
Artja Inn, no wifi, warning - they raise chickens
Nyoman Homestay, no wifi, full
Villa Ladybamboo (all one word), warning, construction
Lecuk Inn, no wifi, warning - noisy dogs
Gusti's Home Stay, wifi, 100,000, full
Eka's Homestay, wifi, 120,000, warning - noisy dogs

I didn't look at all of the rooms but it's looking like I'll just have to suck it up and find free wifi where I can and use internet cafes otherwise.  I'm enjoying staying at Dani's too much right now.  Maybe the next place I get to will have some wifi.



KIM AND BARRY

While eating at the Mexican food place I met up with two expats from California named Kim and Barry.  This year they are retiring to Bali.  They're a very nice couple and have invited me to their newly completed home.  You can have quite a bit of home built here for a couple hundred thousand dollars.  If I get to visit them on a day trip, I'll see if I can get permission to make a video of their home and such.  What impressed me most is they were talking about following the local customs of the village they moved into.  "We are not Hindu but have built a Hindu home."  This requires little changes.  If you have a body of water (like a swimming pool) at your home, you need to build a shrine.  They even had the house blessing which involves having all of the villagers over for dinner.  They even go so far as to put out the small offerings at the appropriate times, just like their neighbors.

This extra effort has put them into good stead with their village.  They are quickly on the road to becoming 'locals'.  One villager paid them a huge compliment when he said "You look like an American, drink like an Australian and act Balanese."

This sort of activity is in stark contrast to many people who come here and build a large walled compound.  Rather than going out for such things as shopping, they send their local minions.  It makes little difference which country they are living in because they never really become part of it.

They are fitting into the country more than I choose to - reference picture above...



MEMORABLE QUOTES

Unknown:  "Philippinos are a warm, gentle and caring people.  This is a good thing since so many of them carry concealed weapons."


Darwin Awards:  "You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive twice."



UNMEMORABLE QUOTES

A poem I came up with while pondering the 'Asian business model'.

Monkey see
Monkey do
Monkeys like to play with poo
I'm not a monkey, how 'bout you?
If you play with poo,
That will do,
It'll make a monkey out of you.

Clearly, poetry isn't my strong suit.




T.E. LAWRENCES' SEVEN PILLARS OF WISDOM (BOOK)

I arranged things at Dani's Homestay to get nice and comfortable and sit down on my large couch with cushions to read.  As soon as I started the book up on my Kindle, loud drums started beating.  Eventually, the drummers gave up and I was able to read.

After getting through the first six chapters of that horrible book, I can say that if I never read another word my life shall be better.  The whole thing seems to be a drawn out apology for doing what was done.  Then, he started in on tedious lectures of the land, people and such.  Dull.  Just watch the movie 'Lawrence of Arabia'.  Much better.  I was very disappointed in his writing.  True that it was written in the 1920's and the writing style was different at that time.  It is true also that he was a soldier, not a professional author but for god's sake...  I think my crappy poetry (above) is better.  It has the strength of brevity behind it.





RESTAURANT REVIEW

Flying Mojo's Burritos:  I didn't love it as much as the people I met there but it was decent Mexican food by people who have never eaten it in the USA.  It is one of those upscale restaurants that tack on the 10% tax.  Two tacos will cost 41,000 and their drinks cost double the going rate from stores.



COSTS

Monkey Temple, Ubud, 20,000 IDR - totally worth it - see long series of videos on it when I can get them uploaded.

Internet, per hour at local place, 4000 IRD
Per page printing, 1000 IRD
Small bottle of soda at internet place, 4000 IRD
Smoking at internet place, free

Motorbike rental for one day, 50,000 IRD
Motorbike rental for longer period, 35,000 IRD (negotiable)

Temple A: 30,000 IRD
Temple B: 15,000 IRD to get into the 'rice fields' area where the temple was and another 10,000 IRD to go into the temple itself.
Temple parking:  2000 IRD.

Shave, 10,000 IRD, haircut 10,000 IRD (negotiated down from 15,000 IRD)

Ubud to any of the three Gili Islands, 160,000 to 175,000 IRD, depending on where you go.  For the fast boat, 300,000 IRD.  The regular transport leaves at 7AM and you arrive by 4-5PM (9 or so hour trip).  With the fast boat, you are there before noon (they say 11AM, I say before noon).  (Yes, I'll take the slow boat for cost savings.)  If you leave at 8:30 or 11 AM instead, you must stay one night in Seggigi.

Internet stick, good for 2gigs and a month.  Starting cost is a total of 365,000 IRD (stick plus 2gig card) and each two gig card thereafter is 90,000 IRD.  Too much for my evil uses.


Car with driver for a day, 4m to 5m IDR
Sim card for phone, 20,000 IDR
Surf board rental, 40,000-50,000 IDR

THE COMING OF SETO BHOOT

SETO BHOOT COMMETH

I've known Matt for about nine years now. We met back in some guy's basement over a gaming table of some of the crappiest gaming (D&D) I have ever been to in my life. We did (much better) RPG's together. Later we shared a flat (apartment) in the states. Neither of us knew that in a couple years we would be meeting up in Nepal.

If anyone had said that then, we'd have said "You're nuts". Well, actually it would have been phrased more rudely but you get the idea.

I decided to make Matt's arrival to the Kathmandu airport special. I made him a sign and held it up for him:[Definition, wanker].

Needless to say, Matt was delighted I had made him a sign.

It took him a couple hours to realize I was also wearing a "Matt L. is a tosspot" shirt.

You've got to love a country where you can get cheap custom work on a T-shirt.


While Matt was in England it was stormy. The day he left for Nepal the sky was clear. The day he got here some rain coupled with extremely strong gusts of winds heralded his coming.

The phrase 'White Devil' came up. Since Nepali don't have devils but ghosts fulfill that same job function, Matt became 'White Ghost". The English pronunciation and the Nepali one can be seen on this T-shirt.
PIMPS HIDE YER HOS!


More on the exciting adventures of Seto Bhoot in the next edition of Logan's Voyage! [Note, in this point to get the 'spinning newspaper' effect you should twirl your monitor.]



FLASHLIGHTS

I have a small but very bright LED flashlight. The reason I don't have a hand crank - usually larger, heavier. LED's don't suck much juice. Even with the crappy quality batteries you get in Asia you don't go through that many. I'd suggest the brightest possible because it is a potential weapon to temporarily blind someone. Mine is fist sized and could be used to reinforce a punch. Despite my strenious attempts to avoid physical conflict I try to plan for the worse.

Having a flashlight you can hold in your mouth is a good idea because you'll be doing that a lot. If you have one of those head lamp flashlights and are anything like me, you'll misplace it soon.

Crank flashlights also make noise. Not cool to use when you're trying to dig out stuff from your pack in a hostel with a lot of sleeping people around.

Since my personal philosophy is "If you don't have a working flashlight on you at all times you are stupid and will probably fall down a hole and die." I recommend 'small, light (weight) and bright'.

Thanks to Jamas for asking about this initially.



NEPALI WITCHES

I was talking to a couple of guys in Nepal about ghosts, zombies and UFO's today. Yeah - this is what happens when I get too much time on my hands. According to them, in Nepal they have a certain type of witch. One of her feet is on backward. Other than that, this type of witch looks like a completely normal woman. They are suppose to be extraordinarily beautiful with very long hair and well dressed. What happens is when a man has sex with them, they get thinner each time and will eventually waste away.

I regarded the man across the table and said "Let me get this straight. These witches are beautiful women. They have a relatively minor physical disability, like to f*** and I would get thinner doing so? Where can I find one?"

But they didn't know. Crap.

Later, I found out this was a ghost. Trickier...



RESTAURANT NOTES

"Yak Restaurant". Stopped by, didn't stay to eat. Looks like 200-400 NRS plus 'service charge'.



NEPALI NOTES

They don't have a big tradition of stand up comedy here in Nepal. I've been told Asians take themselves pretty seriously.


I remember in Bosnia they were proud to tell me about their three different religions closely co-existing. Here, there seem to be a lot more.


Within even the capital city (Kathmandu), there seem to be a lot of unexpected shortages of things like gas (for cars), cooking gas, water, electricity and so on. This seems to be pissing off the locals.



HINDUISM NOTES

Disclaimer: This is all gathered from conversations with people.

You have to be born a Hindu - conversion is not possible. This means that all of the tourists who dress in the 'look I'm a Hindu' costumes are merely playing dress up.

Hindus have 'puja' celebrations. Some of these are public, others are extremely private - families only. It is possible to get excluded from these family ones by a multitude of sins. Marrying a foreigner, marrying outside of your caste, missing one without a good reason and so on.

During a 'puja' they sacrifice and eat some animals. Things I approve of.

Hinduism is a more strict religion than first thought.



EXIT STRATEGY

Well, I've got a tentative 'exit strategy' for Nepal. I'm going to go visit a couple places in east Nepal which are outside of the 'you pay us big money whitey' zones then further east back into India while my visa holds out to a place called Darjeeling. They have tea there. From there I can figure out if I need to extend my visa or just head south to Goa.

Once I'm in Goa it becomes a question of Sri Lanka airfares. If they aren't too much, I can head down there (possibly by sea) then over to Philippines or Indonesia.

Well, it's a plan of sorts.



HOME?

One of the things people have asked me a lot is 'when will you return to the USA'?

It brings to mind an episode of 'House M.D.' I saw. In this episode, the normally partially crippled House had his leg miraculously get better. He became an exercise fiend. He jogged everywhere. He played sports. Joy in moving around.

Same same.



TRAVELER'S TIPS

It is much easier to get change in Nepal than it is India. Whether the shop keepers are more affluent or simply better prepared is unknown.

When in Nepal, pick up 'Shaktijal'. It is a small packet of powder. One packet plus one liter of water, mix and drink the whole thing. Within half a day this gives relief from minor 'travelers tummy'. For the bad food poisoning with things like the cold sweats, go pick up medicine from the pharmacist. The 'Shaktijal' seems to work within half a day - a minor miracle.



TRAVELER'S LORE

Bali may not be as expensive as first thought. I spoke with a lady about it. From what she told me, it was pretty affordable if you avoid anything imported.



PHILOSOPHY

Skype has a huge advantage over normal phones. Namely, free calling. The biggest disadvantage is that you can't 'drunk call' someone who isn't logged on for free.


The Asian mentality toward business within the countries I have visited is summed up as 'money now'. Things which do not generate money right at this second are ignored as long as possible. We've seen some of this in the USA with such things as moving all of the jobs out of the country then wondering why everyone is unemployed and not purchasing your stuff. What is interesting in both Asia and the USA is that everyone looks to the government to solve their business woes. I haven't heard of any government doing anything useful that affected my life nor the life of anyone I've known in their businesses, but I've only been here for a short time.


I say a group on Facebook called "If you can't afford to leave a 20% tip don't eat out". Would this count as an 'entitlement' thing?



TRIBUTE TO FIREFIGHTERS

You know, in the states people say that firefighters have it pretty good. They have some job security, a decent amount of time on and off and they get to ride a huge red noisy truck through the streets to their destination which they get to douse with water.

Not bad.

But what I've always thought of firemen is that they might have to die in a horrible manner trying to rescue some moron who isn't smart enough to operate his stove without burning his house down.

So that, to me, more than makes up for all of the good stuff firefighters get.



MOVIE REVIEW - JOHN CARTER

IMDB gave this a 7/10. I'm going with a 6/10. I thought that the scenery was stunning. What they can do with CGI these days is amazing. And it only cost them $250M. The 'M' is for 'million' for readers unfamiliar with that 'gosh I'm rich shorthand'. The movie looked damned good. The acting was fine - it didn't detract from the film. Four armed guys - yeah, I can deal with that. They even had a couple moments of great humor where I laughed out loud (literally, not the stupid LOL thing) such as the head slap. But there were way too stereotypical elements. The lovable, loyal dog like creature. The woman wanting to get married against her will to the villain. Mind you, the original story is one hundred years old. Maybe all of these elements which are now blase were still new back then.

There is an easy formula which usually tells me if a sequil will be made. On the IMDB site, it tells you what the budget was and how much the movie made. If the movie didn't at least equal the budget, it's pretty hopeless. And a quarter of a million bucks is a hard number to hit. Right now they have well under $200M. Sadly, I feel chances are against us seeing more of these.

Overall, the movie was watchable but had a few spots I found boring. And anyone that has to work day and night for ten years for a solution - that's just poor writing. Hell, that is almost as pathetic as wandering aimlessly around in the wilderness as the narrative also meanders around because someone has switched from author to movie maker too early.



MOVIE REVIEW - UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING

6/10. Some good action. Talking around it as not to give away any plot points to those who haven't seen it. It reminded me of a couple different movies. Something about time, family (the steriotypical kind) and missing the big twelve of what the humans were up to felt like they'd shoe horned the story. The big twelve (is it a basketball reference?) is something that I think it a more interesting part potentially. This has been threatened in many movies and books but never has it been really explored. I think there would be a lot of interesting points dealing with say 'religion' in that context. [Sorry for this, it will make sense once you watch the movie - assuming you paid attention to the movie.] Overall, decent. The gross doesn't make me think there will be another but we'll see.



VIDEOS

Nepali Parade in Kathmandu

Death by Rickshaw
Giant Prayer Wheels
Tibetian Music
Loud Horns
Matt Missing Monkeys
Bhatkapur Arrival
Useless Tour Guides Info
Amidst Bhatkapur
Kiss The Goat
Innsmouth?
Smell O Vision
Maintenance
Thirteen Upcoming Deaths
Matt Fixes Matt

Garden of Dreams
Farting on Peoples Dreams
Matt's What?
Boring Picture Gallery
Tranquillity Sucks
Worst Zoo Ever
Zoopert
White People On Display
Monkeys With Guns
Nepali Language Quiz
Escape from the Worst Zoo Ever



COSTS

Travel pants I think they're made in China but the regular ones might be made there as well. One pair starting price was 2850 NRS, bargained down (hard, long) to 1700 NRS (20 AUD) for two pair. They roll up small, don't weigh much and have the zip on off legs.

Guide, 10-15 USD/day
Porter, 10 USD/day

Shaktijal (for travelers tummy), 10 NRS per packet. Very cheap. Note, the pharmacist will usually try to sell you more expensive medicines that may do the same thing but this is the one locals I've spoken with recommend.

Flaffel wrap, 175 NRS
Chicken wrap, 210 NRS

Water, 1 liter, 20 NRS
Mt Dew, 600ml, 55-60 NRS. (Note, diet soda is available only at very inflated prices and rare).

Money pouch that can be worn under the shirt, 100-300 NRS depending on materials it's made from.

Traffic tickets, 200-1000 NRS depending on how much 'sucking up' you wish to do. Note if you work for the government or are (seen as) rich, you may not have to pay.



DAILY COSTS

For those who have wondered how much it costs to live somewhat comfortably in Nepal, here is a breakdown. Note, this is for days I am 'being good'. By that, I mean not drinking beer, riding a Harley up and down the streets dragging chained old people and all of those other things women like in a 'bad boy'.

Breakfast, 170 NRS
Dinner, 285 NRS
4 juice boxes (200 ml each), 80 NRS
Cigarettes (20, local Nepal brand), 100 NRS
3 bottles of water (1 L each), 60 NRS
2 packs of cookies (10 cookies each), 30 NRS
Lodging (private room with shower inside and fast wifi), 500 NRS

Total, 1225 NRS - approximately 17.50 USD or 9.17 GBP. It looks even cheaper in British Pounds Sterling.

It is possible to live even more cheaply if you strip away more comfort and live in a dorm - but I'd like to have some degree of comfort. This does not include the visa charge (about 1 USD per day) nor my medicine (no clue but it's not optional).