BRAIN BLEACH

LEAVING BALI

Tomorrow, I'll be leaving Bali and decided scribing my feelings would be a good wrap.

Coming to Bali to recover from the dread Dengue fever which had wracked my body with deathly illness and my mind with the fever bright visions was the tonic needed.  If my body were a temple, worshipers would still think some throw pillows and Molotov cocktails would remodel it nicely.  Doctors condemn my lifestyle but are baffled as to why my liver and kidneys do not show any stress or exploded like hand grenades.

Looking at this pic makes me want to rub my nipples.

After less than a month here, even the taxi drivers are starting to ask "Exercising?" rather than mindlessly saying "taxi?"  They've come to grips with the fact they will never get to rob me as they do other tourists.

Though anyone in shape would laugh at my puny six kilometers of walking I've laboriously built back up to, I'm happy to shuffle that far.  According to my phone, my moving speed averages at three kilometers per hour for those who wish to try it at home.

Not to downplay the Bataan Death March but I've got a good imagination and feel a bit like that if I do more than ten kilometers.

Though Ubud has a lot to see, walking here isn't really advisable.  You are lucky to get a sidewalk chalked full of pit traps and ankle twisters.  Better than the side of an extremely narrow road with cars moving fast on blind turns and scooters attempting to pass them without concern of safety.

Using this pic I found on the internet.  Though photoshopped, the driver looks happy and a dog is driving a car.  When you are either killing people using a motorized vehicle - or getting killed by one - happy pictures are important.

It's not ideal for walking here.

After a month, you settle in to a place.  Your possessions get spread throughout like children's toys.  Fortunately, it only takes an hour to pack everything.  Unlike the people who live in houses or apartments, I don't have the clutter of a lifetime to slow me.  Too much detritus.

With as little stuff as I have, yes, most people do appear to be hoarders to me...

Feeling rejuvenated, it is time to do something a little harder.  Bali is a common stomping ground for tourists, even those as low as the hipster.

The place less visited awaits on the morn.



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WHERE TO GO, WHERE TO GO

From this excellent website, I arranged countries in order of restaurant prices.  Then, I commented on them.

FOUND ON THE INTERNET

STRANGE DREAMS

So I was running some sort of inter galactic hotel/guesthouse/hostel.

Working on slowly seducing some sweet young thing.

Could speak all of the languages in the world but not sure how.

Problems came when some military guys on leave came in to town.

Encountered them while out getting food at a restaurant.

They wanted my cigarette butts.

Needed them for the 'war effort'.

They told me why, but it just wouldn't stick in my brain.

Because it's classified.

One of the lady soldiers wanted some cigarette butts but with some cigarette left on them so that she could smoke them down.

"Well, why do you keep calling them butts then?"  Chimed a different soldier.  "Don't call them butts."

The commander was a creepy, tough, stalk the guy who might take my daughter to the prom, knife him and hide the body so it will never be found kind of guy.

"We're not unreasonable - we can even buy them.  How much do you sell them for?"

One hundred fifty five - which is way above the going rate, I know.  But you have to remember we have an intergalactic place.  We get people from all over.

(Commander looks creepy and dangerous)

"You know what?"  I say  "We'll just give them to you.  We don't have many left.  I've got like seven left back at my place.  You say the word and I'll go get them.  It's only a few blocks away.  Just say the word and I'll go get them."

"That won't be necessary." Says the creepy commander in a voice that says he will get me back if it's the last thing he ever does.

I find less than a half dozen there and give them to him knowing he is already plotting revenge.  The female soldier sulks because she wanted to smoke a couple of the butts.

I wake up thinking I need to get back to my place and make sure we've got a resell license and that I'm getting drafted to go fight the aliens soon.  Maybe I need to flee?  Or get final revenge on the creepy commander?

Dreams that make you say "Jesus, my brain may be broken."


STRANGE DREAMS 2

One of the nice things about taking a brief nap is the chances of remembering your dreams goes up.

In my dream, I was writing an autobiography and it started with this:

"You owe it to your children to torture them.  You need to do stuff that would have been widely condemned at the Nuremberg trials.  Psychological manipulation, suffering, fear all need to be inflicted with such sadism and cruelty it would make Charles Manson blush.

If your children ever become famous enough to write an autobiography, it will make great reading.

Sadly for the reader, my parents didn't do any of these things so my autobiography will be a bit dull."



USER MADE PICS

This one is from Eric H who I'd first met back in the very old days when I was in the military.

TRAVELER'S LORE

According to a couple tourists from New York I chatted with, having about three thousand dollars for a month in SE Asia is a good amount to go for.  This includes airfare out of the US (though you may not wish to return) as well as 'security money'.


From Bob B., here is a great article on bits of etiquette from a few countries.



PC GAME REVIEW

Review of Euro Truck Simulator 2 demo:

After half an hour of messing around with it, deleted that crap.

The graphics were pretty good but the AI of the NPC's was shit.  Sure, some of the cars I can see trying to 'carry on'.  There are a lot of idiot drivers out there.  But if you saw a big rig either piloted by a mad man or some sort of retarded monkey, would you continue to drive as though everything was OK?  No.  And not once did the police seem to care about what I did, even when I'd bash an occasional car off the road.

Bashing cars off the road, not much fun either.  No Hollywood explosions or bodies getting tossed out.  Things we've come to expect (in defiance of reality) in the USA because we love gore.  So long as only a certain amount of nudity (and absolutely no penis) is shown, having blood and guts is fine.

The controls are pretty shit but it was just as confusing and irritating as driving a truck would be IRL.  Going backward, complete nightmare - just like real life.

Not seeing a lot of 'fun' in delivering packages back and forth especially when you have to worry about getting tickets and such.  I'd personally prefer something like the old fashioned 'car wars' computer game from the ancient days where you did have cargo but it was a bit more 'arcade' feel and people were trying to kill you and you could kill them.

Or a space game.

I'd rather worry about 'pin point' driving only during small amounts of time like combat rather than 'I'm going to be driving down this highway for a long time with a clumsy trailer on the back and need to pay attention the whole time'.  That's what this game offers.

(If anyone knows of a free demo or free game like what I was talking about above, please let me know...)



PRICES

Fuck the other travel blogs that don't show the prices of things.  That always pissed me off.

DAMN YOU BEAR GRYLLS

CURRENT LODGINGS

The place I currently have is fine except it doesn't have wifi in the room and it has a COLD shower.  I personally HATE cold showers.  I have to brace myself before going into them.  So I thought "What would Bear Grylls do?"  I immediately stripped off my shirt, urinated on it and wrapped it around my head.  It didn't help.

Damn Bear!

This is not a great town to try to sleep in late.  At around 7AM or earlier, they have public announcements go off over the PA system.  There are parades with a lot of drum beating.  I'm not sure if it is a celebration or people just being dicks.  The mosque, of course, is noisy as hell.

And this is DAILY.  You're pretty much fully awake by 8:30 AM whether you wanted to be or not.

Nearby is a restaurant called 'Canyon'.  It is just twenty meters from where I'm staying.  They have free wifi and cold (over priced) beer at $3 a pop.

The city itself has a little tourist candy - WW2 tunnels the Japanese made the locals build and a canyon - but nothing I've wanted to see.  I'm happy just wandering around.  I've spent a week chatting to locals and tourists.  Both have been a lot of fun.

I'm going to skip Padang - other tourists have told me it's a dump.

Tomorrow, it is a long trip off to Kutai (Bali) - home of the drunken Australians!



ACTIVITIES

A couple of days ago, while lost I happened across a roadside cafe with eight or ten old men hanging out there playing dominoes.   I ended up staying there for several hours playing that game with them.



LAUNDRY IN BUKITTINGGI

The laundry is fairly high priced here.  To get it done at the hotel (Orchid) is 10,000 IDR per kilo.  To get it done at the place across the street is only 6000 IDR but that has a two day turn around time.  Other laundry places like 'Super Clean' laundry charge by the piece.



INDONESIAN CUSTOMS

Nobody in this country is interested in haggling the cost of anything.  It is possible to haggle over secondary things - like getting the front seat and such.  Concentrate on these things as the price seems 'fixed'.  Since it is 'fixed', shopping around is a great idea.



TRAVELER'S LORE

Skyscanner.com  According to other travelers I've spoken with, this is a handy resource for purchasing tickets. I personally haven't used it yet.



BUYING PLANE TICKET FROM LION AIR

Buying tickets from Lion Air (the domestic flights for Indonesia) is a complete nightmare.  You can't buy a plane ticket with a foreign credit card.  You can get an "ATM code".  I had the delusion you could just go type in this long code at an ATM and voila!  Your ticket was purchased.  Wrong.  The ATM's aren't set up for it.  Find out the price, go to a travel agent, have them buy the ticket.  If you pay in cash at Raun Sumatra Tours and Travel they only hit you for an extra 3%.  If you pay in cash, they charge the same as the website.  Nice.



VIDEOS

Taste of Indonesia



PRICES

New bag, 125,000 IDR
Van from my hotel to Padang airport, 40,000 IDR

THE COMING OF SETO BHOOT

SETO BHOOT COMMETH

I've known Matt for about nine years now. We met back in some guy's basement over a gaming table of some of the crappiest gaming (D&D) I have ever been to in my life. We did (much better) RPG's together. Later we shared a flat (apartment) in the states. Neither of us knew that in a couple years we would be meeting up in Nepal.

If anyone had said that then, we'd have said "You're nuts". Well, actually it would have been phrased more rudely but you get the idea.

I decided to make Matt's arrival to the Kathmandu airport special. I made him a sign and held it up for him:[Definition, wanker].

Needless to say, Matt was delighted I had made him a sign.

It took him a couple hours to realize I was also wearing a "Matt L. is a tosspot" shirt.

You've got to love a country where you can get cheap custom work on a T-shirt.


While Matt was in England it was stormy. The day he left for Nepal the sky was clear. The day he got here some rain coupled with extremely strong gusts of winds heralded his coming.

The phrase 'White Devil' came up. Since Nepali don't have devils but ghosts fulfill that same job function, Matt became 'White Ghost". The English pronunciation and the Nepali one can be seen on this T-shirt.
PIMPS HIDE YER HOS!


More on the exciting adventures of Seto Bhoot in the next edition of Logan's Voyage! [Note, in this point to get the 'spinning newspaper' effect you should twirl your monitor.]



FLASHLIGHTS

I have a small but very bright LED flashlight. The reason I don't have a hand crank - usually larger, heavier. LED's don't suck much juice. Even with the crappy quality batteries you get in Asia you don't go through that many. I'd suggest the brightest possible because it is a potential weapon to temporarily blind someone. Mine is fist sized and could be used to reinforce a punch. Despite my strenious attempts to avoid physical conflict I try to plan for the worse.

Having a flashlight you can hold in your mouth is a good idea because you'll be doing that a lot. If you have one of those head lamp flashlights and are anything like me, you'll misplace it soon.

Crank flashlights also make noise. Not cool to use when you're trying to dig out stuff from your pack in a hostel with a lot of sleeping people around.

Since my personal philosophy is "If you don't have a working flashlight on you at all times you are stupid and will probably fall down a hole and die." I recommend 'small, light (weight) and bright'.

Thanks to Jamas for asking about this initially.



NEPALI WITCHES

I was talking to a couple of guys in Nepal about ghosts, zombies and UFO's today. Yeah - this is what happens when I get too much time on my hands. According to them, in Nepal they have a certain type of witch. One of her feet is on backward. Other than that, this type of witch looks like a completely normal woman. They are suppose to be extraordinarily beautiful with very long hair and well dressed. What happens is when a man has sex with them, they get thinner each time and will eventually waste away.

I regarded the man across the table and said "Let me get this straight. These witches are beautiful women. They have a relatively minor physical disability, like to f*** and I would get thinner doing so? Where can I find one?"

But they didn't know. Crap.

Later, I found out this was a ghost. Trickier...



RESTAURANT NOTES

"Yak Restaurant". Stopped by, didn't stay to eat. Looks like 200-400 NRS plus 'service charge'.



NEPALI NOTES

They don't have a big tradition of stand up comedy here in Nepal. I've been told Asians take themselves pretty seriously.


I remember in Bosnia they were proud to tell me about their three different religions closely co-existing. Here, there seem to be a lot more.


Within even the capital city (Kathmandu), there seem to be a lot of unexpected shortages of things like gas (for cars), cooking gas, water, electricity and so on. This seems to be pissing off the locals.



HINDUISM NOTES

Disclaimer: This is all gathered from conversations with people.

You have to be born a Hindu - conversion is not possible. This means that all of the tourists who dress in the 'look I'm a Hindu' costumes are merely playing dress up.

Hindus have 'puja' celebrations. Some of these are public, others are extremely private - families only. It is possible to get excluded from these family ones by a multitude of sins. Marrying a foreigner, marrying outside of your caste, missing one without a good reason and so on.

During a 'puja' they sacrifice and eat some animals. Things I approve of.

Hinduism is a more strict religion than first thought.



EXIT STRATEGY

Well, I've got a tentative 'exit strategy' for Nepal. I'm going to go visit a couple places in east Nepal which are outside of the 'you pay us big money whitey' zones then further east back into India while my visa holds out to a place called Darjeeling. They have tea there. From there I can figure out if I need to extend my visa or just head south to Goa.

Once I'm in Goa it becomes a question of Sri Lanka airfares. If they aren't too much, I can head down there (possibly by sea) then over to Philippines or Indonesia.

Well, it's a plan of sorts.



HOME?

One of the things people have asked me a lot is 'when will you return to the USA'?

It brings to mind an episode of 'House M.D.' I saw. In this episode, the normally partially crippled House had his leg miraculously get better. He became an exercise fiend. He jogged everywhere. He played sports. Joy in moving around.

Same same.



TRAVELER'S TIPS

It is much easier to get change in Nepal than it is India. Whether the shop keepers are more affluent or simply better prepared is unknown.

When in Nepal, pick up 'Shaktijal'. It is a small packet of powder. One packet plus one liter of water, mix and drink the whole thing. Within half a day this gives relief from minor 'travelers tummy'. For the bad food poisoning with things like the cold sweats, go pick up medicine from the pharmacist. The 'Shaktijal' seems to work within half a day - a minor miracle.



TRAVELER'S LORE

Bali may not be as expensive as first thought. I spoke with a lady about it. From what she told me, it was pretty affordable if you avoid anything imported.



PHILOSOPHY

Skype has a huge advantage over normal phones. Namely, free calling. The biggest disadvantage is that you can't 'drunk call' someone who isn't logged on for free.


The Asian mentality toward business within the countries I have visited is summed up as 'money now'. Things which do not generate money right at this second are ignored as long as possible. We've seen some of this in the USA with such things as moving all of the jobs out of the country then wondering why everyone is unemployed and not purchasing your stuff. What is interesting in both Asia and the USA is that everyone looks to the government to solve their business woes. I haven't heard of any government doing anything useful that affected my life nor the life of anyone I've known in their businesses, but I've only been here for a short time.


I say a group on Facebook called "If you can't afford to leave a 20% tip don't eat out". Would this count as an 'entitlement' thing?



TRIBUTE TO FIREFIGHTERS

You know, in the states people say that firefighters have it pretty good. They have some job security, a decent amount of time on and off and they get to ride a huge red noisy truck through the streets to their destination which they get to douse with water.

Not bad.

But what I've always thought of firemen is that they might have to die in a horrible manner trying to rescue some moron who isn't smart enough to operate his stove without burning his house down.

So that, to me, more than makes up for all of the good stuff firefighters get.



MOVIE REVIEW - JOHN CARTER

IMDB gave this a 7/10. I'm going with a 6/10. I thought that the scenery was stunning. What they can do with CGI these days is amazing. And it only cost them $250M. The 'M' is for 'million' for readers unfamiliar with that 'gosh I'm rich shorthand'. The movie looked damned good. The acting was fine - it didn't detract from the film. Four armed guys - yeah, I can deal with that. They even had a couple moments of great humor where I laughed out loud (literally, not the stupid LOL thing) such as the head slap. But there were way too stereotypical elements. The lovable, loyal dog like creature. The woman wanting to get married against her will to the villain. Mind you, the original story is one hundred years old. Maybe all of these elements which are now blase were still new back then.

There is an easy formula which usually tells me if a sequil will be made. On the IMDB site, it tells you what the budget was and how much the movie made. If the movie didn't at least equal the budget, it's pretty hopeless. And a quarter of a million bucks is a hard number to hit. Right now they have well under $200M. Sadly, I feel chances are against us seeing more of these.

Overall, the movie was watchable but had a few spots I found boring. And anyone that has to work day and night for ten years for a solution - that's just poor writing. Hell, that is almost as pathetic as wandering aimlessly around in the wilderness as the narrative also meanders around because someone has switched from author to movie maker too early.



MOVIE REVIEW - UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING

6/10. Some good action. Talking around it as not to give away any plot points to those who haven't seen it. It reminded me of a couple different movies. Something about time, family (the steriotypical kind) and missing the big twelve of what the humans were up to felt like they'd shoe horned the story. The big twelve (is it a basketball reference?) is something that I think it a more interesting part potentially. This has been threatened in many movies and books but never has it been really explored. I think there would be a lot of interesting points dealing with say 'religion' in that context. [Sorry for this, it will make sense once you watch the movie - assuming you paid attention to the movie.] Overall, decent. The gross doesn't make me think there will be another but we'll see.



VIDEOS

Nepali Parade in Kathmandu

Death by Rickshaw
Giant Prayer Wheels
Tibetian Music
Loud Horns
Matt Missing Monkeys
Bhatkapur Arrival
Useless Tour Guides Info
Amidst Bhatkapur
Kiss The Goat
Innsmouth?
Smell O Vision
Maintenance
Thirteen Upcoming Deaths
Matt Fixes Matt

Garden of Dreams
Farting on Peoples Dreams
Matt's What?
Boring Picture Gallery
Tranquillity Sucks
Worst Zoo Ever
Zoopert
White People On Display
Monkeys With Guns
Nepali Language Quiz
Escape from the Worst Zoo Ever



COSTS

Travel pants I think they're made in China but the regular ones might be made there as well. One pair starting price was 2850 NRS, bargained down (hard, long) to 1700 NRS (20 AUD) for two pair. They roll up small, don't weigh much and have the zip on off legs.

Guide, 10-15 USD/day
Porter, 10 USD/day

Shaktijal (for travelers tummy), 10 NRS per packet. Very cheap. Note, the pharmacist will usually try to sell you more expensive medicines that may do the same thing but this is the one locals I've spoken with recommend.

Flaffel wrap, 175 NRS
Chicken wrap, 210 NRS

Water, 1 liter, 20 NRS
Mt Dew, 600ml, 55-60 NRS. (Note, diet soda is available only at very inflated prices and rare).

Money pouch that can be worn under the shirt, 100-300 NRS depending on materials it's made from.

Traffic tickets, 200-1000 NRS depending on how much 'sucking up' you wish to do. Note if you work for the government or are (seen as) rich, you may not have to pay.



DAILY COSTS

For those who have wondered how much it costs to live somewhat comfortably in Nepal, here is a breakdown. Note, this is for days I am 'being good'. By that, I mean not drinking beer, riding a Harley up and down the streets dragging chained old people and all of those other things women like in a 'bad boy'.

Breakfast, 170 NRS
Dinner, 285 NRS
4 juice boxes (200 ml each), 80 NRS
Cigarettes (20, local Nepal brand), 100 NRS
3 bottles of water (1 L each), 60 NRS
2 packs of cookies (10 cookies each), 30 NRS
Lodging (private room with shower inside and fast wifi), 500 NRS

Total, 1225 NRS - approximately 17.50 USD or 9.17 GBP. It looks even cheaper in British Pounds Sterling.

It is possible to live even more cheaply if you strip away more comfort and live in a dorm - but I'd like to have some degree of comfort. This does not include the visa charge (about 1 USD per day) nor my medicine (no clue but it's not optional).

BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE!

BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE!

I was in a store and they had a big wheel of cheese. In Asia, cheese is fairly rare. I asked if I could try a small piece to see if I liked it. The proprietor happily cut off a bit. I tried it and didn't like it. But I recognized it.

"Yak cheese?" I said.
"Female yak!" He replied.
"You try to milk males here?" I said.



ASIAN PLUMBING SUCKS

When I was in the Republic of Georgia, there was a lot of hubbub about the plumbing. If it was difficult people would disappear and not try to fix it. If they did fix it, they usually left it messed up. The lack of 'skilled workers' was amazing.

It turns out this is an 'Asia-wide' thing.

Pretty much all over India and Nepal the plumbing sucks really bad.

When I first got into the room I'm at, the toilet had a slow leak from somewhere. This would leave the floor wet. If you wanted to take a dump you had a choice. Get naked or wear wet pants afterward.

After they 'fixed' it, water would explode out of the top of the tank when the toilet was flushed. I swear to gods that sometimes it is best just to throw yourself violently to one side after flushing. I had one urinal that would spray you in the crotch after flushing.

Unless the guests complain, such things are never ever noticed or fixed.

Fortunately, after a couple of attempts, my toilet was actually fixed.

I am waiting for it to randomly explode now.



SHOE REPAIR SQUAD

A group of three Indian males wanted me to go down a dark alley with them so they could fix my sandal. After discovering that repeated attempts to lure me down the alley failed, they opted to fix it somewhere more public. Then, they offered to sell me drugs. Yippie.



BEERS

Nepal Ice - not as good as many of the others. I'd avoid it.



THE THREE UNRELIABLE AMERICAN W'S

According to a Nepali gentleman (Nirgel) I was talking to, he said there are three W's upon which - in America - one may not depend: weather, work and women.



ASIAN LORE

According to a man from Nepal, Asians will freely spend money on three things: girls, gambling and alcohol. This explains why the beer prices are insane here.



RESTAURANT REVIEW - THE MAROON RESTAURANT

Owner, Nirjal. He's super cool with very good English skills.

The breakfast is a pretty good value at 180 NRS. It's more food than I can eat. It includes toast (2 s), cooked tomato (Brit style), eggs, sausage and potatoes. Normally it also includes cornflakes or some such but I take an extra cup of coffee bringing the total I get to two. It's a filling breakfast and tastes pretty decent.

The dinners are about 350 NRS on up. I've had two and both I would call 'decent' but not wonderful.

I've discussed 'kickers' and 'draw' items with Nirjal and he may be making a very cheap breakfast to get more clients daily.


RESTAURANT REVIEW - Munchster

Pretty much a fast food place. Chicken burger and fries with small drink, 200 NRS.

The meat was so thin it only had one side.



NEPAL GANGSTER ACTIVITY

From the various locals I've spoken with, loansharking and other gangster type activities appear to be widely done within Nepal. These sort of things are invisible to most tourists but I spend a lot of time hanging out and chatting to locals. These things are of course illegal but done on a very wide scale.

They also have a lot of very strong unions which do sometimes go on strike here. Often, when you hire someone it is completely impossible to fire them. I'm thinking that will help keep the country 'developing' as opposed to 'developed'.

No, I'm not planning on pursuing this line of inquiry. It's all risk and no reward. I just thought I'd make a note of it.



ON LIVING CHEAPLY

When I was initially doing research for the trip, I looked up the average wage made in various countries hoping that would give me an idea of the cost of living. It really doesn't. Although the average person in Nepal might make less than $100 per month it is pretty grim to live like that. You will be in a very depressing area and eat only noodles and drink water. Sad.

The actual trick is to find out how much it costs to live comfortably. Right now, I can live decently on $25-$30 per day. Note that this is only spending a tad over $20 per day but I also have to add in things like the cost of the visa, transport, medicine and whatnot. When you're on the cheap end of the scale it tends to add up very quickly.

Before I went to India, I had a lot of people telling me I could live for under $10 per day. Apparently, they were willing to accept hardships which I do not want to accept or they were not good at keeping track of how much they actually spent or they were full of shit.

In both India and Nepal to live decently - with some comfort I would advise a budget of $30 to $40 per day depending on what you are doing. Don't forget that Asia has a double standard on prices and you will pay between 10% and 600% more than the natives for things. I call it the 'rip off whitey' factor.

If you want to go trekking in Nepal, your daily allowance will need to be increased. According to travelers I spoke with, prices of everything rise with the elevation.

With the exception of constantly sweating, Cambodia is thus far my country of choice for the intersection between living cheaply and comfort.

In order to get to the other countries I may skip over it on the way out but then hit it when heading back. We'll see how my schedule works out later.



TRAVELER'S LORE

By Nepali standards, Indonesia is cheap. Unfortunately for the people of Nepal, the government of Indonesia still has a grudge about World War 2. For a three day visa, citizens of Nepal get to pay $100 USD.


In Bhutan, the minimum salary is much higher than Nepal although the standard of living is much lower. A lot of Nepali go there to make some money and take it home.



QUOTES (AND PARAPHRASING) FROM SMART PEOPLE

Why the quotes? As Sir Winston Churchill said, "It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations." I've learned that people who call themselves 'educated' don't tend to be. Schooled perhaps but not educated. Since the grand sum of my nearly five decades on this planet has highlighted the vast depths of my ignorance I like quotes. You don't have to sit up all night thinking about something clever to say about a topic. Chances are good someone a lot smarter already has said something a lot more clever than anything I'll come up with. Even if I spent two nights thinking about it. So, I study quotes from time to time. Since I do, you get to as well. Lucky bastards.

"To travel hopefully is better than to arrive." - Robert Lewis Stevens, 1880.

"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." - St. Augustine.

"One of the gladdest moments of human life, methinks, is the departure upon a distant journey into unknown lands. Shaking off with one mighty effort the fetters of habit, the leaden weight of routine, the cloak of many cares and the slavery of home, man feels once more happy." - Sir Richard Burton. [This is the longest quote I like. Beyond this length, you may as well write a short story rather than a quote.]

"Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken." - Frank Herbert "Dune".

"The wise man travels to discover himself." - James Russell Lowell.

"Don't tell me how educated you are, tell me how much you traveled." - Mohammed. [A zinger from Mohammed! Who'd have thunk it?"

“To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.” – Freya Stark.

“Tourists don’t know where they’ve been, travelers don’t know where they’re going.” – Paul Theroux.

“A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.” – Tim Cahill

“Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.” – Seneca. [Side note, it's amazing how much stuff Seneca is credited with saying. He must have been a very clever dude.]

“Travel is glamorous only in retrospect.” – Paul Theroux.

"I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list." - Susan Sontag



LOVE POEM




VIDEOS

Temple re dedication parade
Walk through Pokhara Riverside
Monastery
Parade 1
Parade 2
Potato Festival Documentary
Village of the Bored

Monkey Temple 1
Monkey Temple 2
Monkey Temple 3

Frightening Food [Note, this was the special, it was 'decent' and 350 NRS.]



PRICES

Climbing Mount Everest, $200,000 to $500,000 per person. Huge amounts have to be paid for mandatory training classes, government permits and such. After all that money is done, then you can buy gear, provisions and whatnot. It staggers me just how much it costs.

Surf n Turf, 450 NRS

Big, thick steak from Everest Restaurant which is supposedly the best in town, 600 NRS. Note, I have not eaten here.

CHITWAN

CHITWAN

One of the reasons I traveled to Chitwan (pronounced 'chit-tone' which makes no damned sense) was to check into the elephant rides.

When I was in Kathmandu, I went and priced them out because I wanted to show the differences. One place - which included a bunch of boat crap I didn't care about - $110. Another place for one night out, $65. For an hour on the 'government run elephant' thing, about $12.

The problem with pricing things out even at the source with things like 'jungle treks' and such is that you can't be sure what you're actually going to get. If you just go for the cheapest price the quality will probably - but not always - not be good. But going the other way is absolutely no guarantee that you will get any sort of quality at all. I suppose that is one reason to read travelogues like this one. The problem is finding the information. There are a lot of travel blogs and such out there and some have good information hidden within them. In the case of "Logan's Voyage", well hidden.

But, chances are that even if you do all the research you can it will still be a crap shoot. Bad for people on limited time or limited budget.

One of the fixed prices in Chitwan is the national price entry. It is 500 NRS per day, fixed. Like really.



ARRIVAL IN CHITWAN

As soon as you get off the bus - touts. I said 'internet wifi in room and hot water'. They agreed - but remember they will agree to pretty much everything. Even if they can't understand it. They also agreed to 500 NRS. Sadly, I have selective memory loss about such things and a British woman I met (who was shanghaied into the same jeep) bargained and our rooms are now 250 NRS each. Her name is Tracy.

We are currently staying at "Hotel Butterfly" (Logan is a beautiful, beautiful butterfly!) and it is so so. I can't bitch much with 250 NRS. The place next door is - without bargaining - 250 NRS and looks like it's pretty much the same thing. I will test out their wifi a bit later.

Note that I went by and it was pretty much the same deal as the Butterfly - except the owner seemed nicer and the internet wasn't hooked up to the battery backup. I don't think it would have mattered - didn't end up spending a lot of time at the grotty room anyway.

Tracy was there to do all of the usual tourist stuff. She is an experienced world traveler and knew exactly what she wanted to do. She went out and priced all of the stuff with a bunch of different travel sellers in the area to find out the best prices. For a day completely packed with activities, it ended up being about 2500 NRS. I estimate that's ten to fifteen percent of what other tourists were paying. Yes, I got lazy and said "I'll have what she's having." I figured it would kill three birds with one stone. I got to hang out with Tracy a bit, experience some new stuff (see loads of pictures and videos) and do some research in preparation for Matt.

Negotiating price does have a downside but honestly, you can get bad stuff even if you are paying top dollar. When you negotiate the price down, the tour booker or operator has to cut certain corners to try to maximize their profits. Or just soak you for more money. In our case, this meant spending less time doing everything. Instead of an hour canoe ride, it was approximately half that. Instead of half an hour at the elephant breeding center it was ten minutes. Tracy was livid. Personally, I didn't care. I was happy to just sample the stuff.

I've discovered that if someone else is in control of what I'm doing I get bored more quickly. For example, if I am being rowed in a canoe, short is great. After an hour I'd probably start rocking the damned thing. But if I'm doing stuff - like the four wheeled ATV's in Cappadocia, I'm going to freak out if I don't get my full time worth. Sadly, it is the same with pretty much all exhibits. Unless the subject is one that I am interested in a lot (medieval weaponry and so on) I would breeze through even a famous place at a quick walk. While some people would stop and gate adoringly at a painting like the Mona Lisa for a half hour, I'm thinking that I'd look at it closely for under a minute snap a picture of it or me in front of it if I am able) and be off again. Now, if they had finger paints where you could try to make your own Mona Lisa, I might be there for a long time. Just one of the idiosyncratic quirks I've discovered about Logan. There are others.

For me, the 'jeep safari' was entirely too long and dull as hell. After a half an hour of being jostled around on the crappy road, I got bored. After an hour I started nodding off. After a couple hours I started to slip into my 'traveler's funk'. I had taken the front seat of the vehicle for three reasons. First, everyone else was in pairs and nobody seemed to want to leave their partner. Second, I didn't think my crappy back would survive bouncing around clutching a role bar in the back of a pickup truck over roads made entirely of potholes and large rocks for four plus hours. Third, the guide with us gave me the nod. So I took it.

The animals we spotted - a couple of birds. Hell, it could have been some rare nearly extinct bird for all I knew - or cared. When I saw them, I just said 'bird'. There were a couple of spotted deer. I've seen deer before and didn't care. These had spots. Still didn't care. Can't eat them. There were two distant shapes I was told were the rare one horned rhino. If I have to be told where and what something is I can't see it and again don't care. There was a boar. Whoopie - a big pig. Bore.

I actually had a better time talking to some of the Nepal soldiers they have guarding the national park. There are a lot of them doing that. Idiot tourists take pictures of these soldiers which will get you in trouble. I didn't. I did get to 'talk some shop' with a couple of them about their rifles which were a newer generation of the M-16 than I got to use. That was nice. The fact that they went from scowling to laughing and happy when we were talking I mark as a victory.

The soldier's job is to protect the wild critters from poachers.

For gun buffs, I believe they were trying to tell me they are using the A4 and like it. The A1 was a POS.

Concerning the elephant riding, other tourists I spoke with didn't seem thrilled by it at all. It was uncomfortable and dull to them. It would be for me if I was just sitting on the elephant as opposed to steering it. The way they steer it (kicking it on the ear canals) does seem a bit cruel to me. That doesn't mean I wouldn't be cruel but I can't be bothered. There are enough people to be cruel to without picking on something that much bigger than I am.

The rooms (Butterfly GH) we were staying in had the upside of being very cheap (250 NRS) but a lot of downsides. The mosquito netting was ripped up. Odd smells. Full of mosquitoes. The solar powered water wasn't on one of the two showers I took - and I despise cold showers. The room was dirty, dingy and the lights sometimes didn't work. The owner bitched and grumbled that we weren't booking anything through him and had kittens when I tried to get a receipt from him. Yes, I got the receipt.

Part of the motivation of getting out of that town was getting out of that hotel. If you took all of the tourist buildings out of the town, I'm not sure what would be left.



ESCAPE FROM CHITWAN

Through the same agent as Tracy, I booked a bus ticket to Pokhara, 400 NRS. The bus was an ugly pink short bus that got filled with tourists - baggage on top.

It turned out that I didn't really buy a bus ticket. It was a booking. I tried arguing with the ticket master about it but didn't get anywhere. Fortunately, I had kept the card of the place I bought the ticket. I figured it was just a scam to get another 400 NRS. It turned out that the guy who sold them has to show up every day and do some dealing with the ticket master to get the actual ticket. Fortunately, he did indeed show up and everything was sorted out.

My assigned seat sitting next to a lady who thoughtfully moved my bag and sat in it. She didn't seem happy when I pointed it out. It also transpired that we were both 'festively plump'. Two fat people do not jell well in narrow bus seats.

She was very happy when I asked about moving up front and was granted the boon. Karma came and bit her in the ass when the bus kept stopping to take on more people and someone else got to sit next to her. Most buses do that - it is their extra money. Heck, I don't know how much of that the bus company sees.



NEPAL FOOD

Sckuti - really tough, chewy meat. Apparently, Nepal people like this sort of thing.



NEPAL CUSTOMS

A lot of people in Nepal wear face masks - like they wear in operation rooms. In the far east, it was the custom to wear one when you had a cold so you would not give your germs to others. Here, it is a dust mask.


On menus, a lot of 'buff' is referred to. I found out this means 'buffalo'.



RESTAURANT REVIEW - COZY CAFE AND RESTAURANT

Although it wasn't written in the menu I got, it was in pen on a different menu. I hate it when they try to stick you with an extra fifth hidden cost because of the VAT. Do I believe the VAT actually goes to the government? Perhaps from the big places.

When the owner announced this, I became very upset and would have just left but I had already gotten a cup of coffee. I decided to negotiate and asked for him to bring me a 200 NRS breakfast including VAT and such. He did and hey, he had been trained internationally and knew how to do eggs over easy.



NEPAL BEERS

'Gatcha Beer' - pretty good. I'd rate it the new number two in my growing list of beers. As with all other Nepal beer, it is unreasonably expensive.



MATT PLANNING

My initial thought was 'see Mount Everest, mild white water rafting, jungle safari on top of an elephant.

Mount Everest got shot down almost immediately. To get to that neck of the woods, you either have to go via expensive (for foreigners) airplane for $150-$175 round trip (who the fuck would go one way?) or creep through 'Mao infested roads' that are reputed to be pretty dangerous. Not much for either option. In addition, I found that if you want to go overland there, you have to go to a town called Jiri where you get your backpacks searched. Maybe they don't want you smuggling in extra oxygen tanks. Apparently, it's under Maoist control. I don't know what that means but people say it in a negative way. I don't need a picture of Mt. Everest that damned bad.

The place I'm in now, Chitwon, does indeed have jungles and elephants. I will check it out to see if it is at all cool or if Matt will just dry hump the elephant for a minute and then get bored with it.



KATHMANDU PLACES TO STAY

These are my picks in order of preference.

Lhasa Guest House

Upside: Internet wired to battery backup so you can continue with internet even during the frequent power outages. Owner very cool - fluent English.

Downside: Very short staffed. You get to play 'find the owner' when you need him. Also, rooms are pretty booked. Be sure to get one in the back away from the noisy street.


Chill Out Resort

Upside: Very helpful staff. They even assigned me a guy to take me to the bus station as I was leaving.

Downside: Room I was in had no exterior windows, internet not yet wired to the battery backup.



Imperial Guest House

Upside: Price, wifi, hot shower.

Downside: I know nothing else beyond this.



RANDOM ENCOUNTER

A wandering street vendor was trying to sell me 'Tiger Balm'. It is a 'cure all' - in the old days style of cure all. I had no use for it so started explaining I had no tiger. The guy started laughing and tried to explain it to me. I interrupted saying that if I had a tiger I hoped he would not be sick and need balm. Who would apply it to a sick and probably angry tiger anyway? He went off laughing.



TRAVELER'S TIPS

I am compulsive about showing up very early for travel. Stuff happens. You get told what you have isn't a real ticket - things like that. Show up and wait around. Double the time or more for international crossings.



TRAVELER'S LORE

The Hungarian couple also told me that in some places in the world, the actual value of the bill is based on the percentage of the bill remaining. Logical, though tedious. Hence, if you had a $100 bill with a corner missing, it may only be worth $96 at a bank. For Americans, this is really odd. You can take 51% of a bill to a bank and presto, get a new one. Any government that can't afford to print new money needs to talk to me. So long as I can run off some extra copies (just a few mind you) for myself, I can make the project pay for itself!


More information and reports on Burma. Note, some of this may be a repeat of previously given information. The editor will sort that out.

No tourist infrastructure.
No ATM's. You have to bring whatever money you think you will use with you. They only accept crisp 'like new' 100 USD bills. Note, you can go to luxury (expensive) hotels and pay big money to use your card and such - but it will cost you plenty - eight percent.
Prices are amazingly high for what seems to be an undeveloped dung hole. $15/night rooms that you feel lucky to have found because everything gets booked up.
The numbers of tourists have increased by sixty percent in the last year and the infrastructure has not increased at all.
No wifi. $5/hour internet, takes 'an hour' to send one e-mail - very slow.
Not very safe.
One traveler reportedly blew through $800 in 17 days.
Excluding flights and visas, Tracy (lady I was discussing Burma with) blew through $300 per week by barely eating.
Whether you travel by bus or horse and cart it costs $15. That is triple the local cost due to them having to accept liability for foreigners. Note that if a tourist manages to injure themselves, the local goes to jail.
The food sucks.

That's on the one hand. The reasons to go include things like incredible scenery, pagodas and extraordinary people. Lots of people there - even in the 'tourist areas' have never seen a foreigner before.



COSTS

Bus stop lunch, 150 NRP

Bus stop bottle of soda, negotiated down to 30 NRP. Note that he was going to 'forget' my change so I pointed this out with a friendly, "Bitch!" That got me my change. I also bought one for the 'bus yeller', some young kid who wasn't asking for anything and was dressed rather shabbily.


Some un-negotiated Chitwan costs. All prices are per person and for anything you need the 500 NRS permit but only one permit per day.

1 hour canoe ride, 1050 NRS
Government elephant ride, 1000 NRS; leaves at either 8 AM or 4 PM.
Jeep ride, 1100 NRS. They claim it will last four hours - it really does as you are on a set track. Very bumpy.
Stick dance, 60 NRS. We were going to go to this but other tourists said it was horribly cheesy and not interesting so we skipped it.
Pokhara bus ticket, 550 NRS (negotiated down to 400 NRS)
Horse cart to elephant breeding center, 300 NRS. (Don't take a horse cart here - you can do it in the manner we did without renting separate transport).
Elephant breeding center, 50 NRS. To me this was not interesting but others may like it.

A lot of people were slapping down hundreds of dollars for package things - lodging, food, activities and all of that. You can get it at a small fraction of the cost if you have time and inclination to just show up and hunt for it.

MO MO'S AND BEER

The power was suppose to go out at 5 PM. Naturally, it went out at 4 PM. I am typing this by candle light with two small candles stuck to the table. It is a bit... medieval. It looks like a little alter to the great computer gods. Maybe it is...



GETTING OUT OF INDIA

I managed to get a tuk tuk near the railway station for 100 RS, a price which had the driver muttering to himself the whole trip. When you get that sort of price you know you are good at negotiating and they are desperate. The operator at my final destination, "Paul Travel" was quick to let people know that 500 RS and 1000 RS notes are not only illegal in Nepal but they can be confiscated by the authorities. By remarkable coincidence, he also had a thriving exchange where you would get the moderately painful rate of 56 RS = 1 USD. He had plenty of USD's because that is the only thing accepted for the Nepal visa. Naturally, it was Sunday the day before and all of the banks had been closed. The bus would have left well before they opened. Fortunately, I had gotten a lot of my 500's changed into 100's the couple days before. I should have done more but didn't.

On the notes - if you are going from India to Nepal then back to India, just keep the 500 and 1000 notes. Yes, it is illegal. Yes, you should have been more clever and gotten them changed to 100's. But if you didn't, just tuck them deep away so you don't pull a dumbass move and try to spend them somewhere. Despite what the money exchangers are quick to tell you, the cops don't strip search you looking for these illegal notes. In fact, they didn't even ask. And no, the money exchangers are always mysteriously out of 100 IRS notes - no percentage in it.

I waited until the other tourists left, pulled out a wad of Indian Rupees and began to negotiate the exchange rate. Don't get me wrong, I still got fucked. I just got a little lube. Again, everything is negotiable.

When I purchased the ticket from the nice lady, I asked what kind of bus it was and had been told it is a 'nice bus'. Remember, when you are paying for your bus ticket, the only thing you can be absolutely certain of is that you are paying for your bus ticket. Everything else holds as much water as US campaign promises. The bus itself was filthy, the seats didn't recline at all and contrary to what we had been told, of course they stopped to pick up other passengers aside from the tourists. I figured they would - that is their 'gravy'.

You could almost take a zombie flick and replace the zombies with beggars in the way that they assaulted the bus. Even the guys who loaded the luggage tried to get in on the act claiming a "10 rupees luggage charge". I just gave him the level look and said "There is no luggage charge" in the same tone of voice you would say "There is no spoon". He decided to go sucker someone else. It's a way to distinguish the gullible. Personally, it is not that they are trying to shake me down for less than a quarter - in India everyone is constantly trying to shake you down. It wears you out after awhile and you give into irritability.

Rupees given to beggars during my two months in India, zero.

After an extremely painful all day ride, we reached the area close to the border. The 'ass mat' blanket I'd bought is a happy thing for me.

Once the bus stopped, we were assaulted by tuk tuk drivers wanting to drive us across the border. Since I'd done my research, I told them to bugger off. I know that it is only a hundred or so meters to cross the border. Nobody who knew the actual distance would ever pay for it - especially not the large rates they were trying to get. Feed off of the tourists.

The people from the bus company tried very hard to channel me into their predetermined path. Get off the bus. See our money changer. Go to our hotel. I told him 'thank you'.

At last, he got very frustrated and said "You keep saying thank you!" I thanked him again, smiled, nodded and wandered off. Fortunately, he had other tourists he could herd around rather than chase me down the street.

I took care of everything myself. I ended up seeing an 'official' money ex changer. I don't know if he was really 'official' or not - there seem to be a lot of them - but I did get a better rate changing the last of my 100 RS notes into NRS (Nepal Rupees) than the bus company guy was giving.

The bus had only been paid to the border unlike the poor bastards who didn't do their research ahead of time and paid way too much to go all the way to Kathmandu on that bus.

I went through customs ignoring the pleas of the bus people. Sometimes, claiming to be a travel writer has a downside. I had written that on the form without really thinking about it. In other countries, I'd put things like 'circus freak'. If they asked me about it, I would say that I use to be a circus fat man but lost too much weight. Or I was the thin man and developed a taste for fried food. Or I was a ballerina. Or a shaved bear. Possibly fatigue made me put down 'travel writer'. When I checked in to see if they were done with my passport, the guy looked up and said in a coy sort of voice, "So...you are the travel writer?"

Well, shit.

Now, I have to do a bit of backtracking. Tell them I do not work for Lonely Planet. It is just a blog. I also played the gushing "Oh, I'm just so excited to be here" role with as much aplomb as I could muster being that tired. I don't think it would have won me an Emmy.

Travel writers often need extra documentation and paperwork. I'm not sure if it ended up helping or not. They gave me a three month multiple entry visa. The three months I had been expecting and paid for - the multiple entries were unexpected. For those who aren't familiar with visas, multiple entries mean you can go in and come out within the time allotted on this visa. In SE Asia it means something different. There it means your visa resets for the amount of time you'd gotten it for initially each time you go in and come out. Not in India or Nepal.

I went and found a place to get a beer (175 NRS) and some noodles (125 NRS). I really wanted to have a beer since I'd gotten out of India. I tried the 'Kathmandu' brand. It had a distinctive taste. Unfortunately, not in a good way.

The hotel room I ended up sleeping in was about as shitty of room as I'd ever seen. Dead bugs on the floor, no toilet flush handle, no toilet seat, suspicious sheets - the works. But it was dirt cheap (300 NRS) and within sight of the bus ticket office.

Feeling damned gritty after a twelve hour bus ride, I asked the manager if I could get a bucket of hot water. Apparently, bucket showers had not been left behind in India. Sad. He began to ponder if he wanted to get a bucket of hot water sent up to the room. I changed his frame immediately and said "How much rupees for a bucket of hot water?" This got him thinking in a whole new way. The question no longer was 'do I want to get this pussy a bucket of hot water', it became 'how much can I make off of this foolish tourist?'. He said 50 NRS and on general principle I bargained him down to 30 NRS. Yes, it's not really 'fair' to go for people's weak spot (money).

For anyone who has never had a bucket shower before, the bucket is large enough to hold three soccer balls or so and you need half a bucket to make it work. Get a full bucket, you have extra. Add some cold water till it gets to the appropriate temperature. I think it's a miserable way to take a shower but it gets you clean.

When I was emerging naked from the bathroom, the power cut out.

Ah ha! Blog material! First thought. Second thought was a mention of the importance of carrying flashlights. The power came back on while I was rummaging in my carry bag for one. Figures.

Local sources said the bus ticket to Kathmandu should be 300-500 NRS - significantly cheaper than the 500 IRS (Indian Rupees - 1 is 1.6 NRS) the other tourists paid for their ongoing tickets. Research pays. My ticket ended up costing 470 NRS. So, I saved a little but not a huge amount. Some people would argue that convenience is worth it. This way is if you wanted to leave up to three hours earlier. And the bus I ended up on, same comfort level but all Nepal folks and the bus was still only half full.

Buses leave from the border between 4 AM and 7:30 AM, every half hour. Who knows why it doesn't leave any later. Possibly the drivers aren't quite insane enough to go over the mountain passes in the dark - but I wouldn't put it past them...



BUS TO NEPAL

After some irritating dealing with the bus driver and ticket seller, we were off to Kathmandu. There were two 'yellers' in the bus for some reason.

We made a couple unscheduled stops. One was to get the bus blessed by a priest and the other was so that the driver (and Logan) could pee into nature. There were no women on board to be jealous of our ability to do so.

The bus made several other mysterious stops. I couldn't figure out why we stopped. There were no mechanical failures, new passengers or commerce of any sort going on. We simply would stop for awhile then go again.

As we drove through Nepal, I was shocked at how clean it was even in very busy populated areas. It's not the population, it's the mentality of the people.

The Nepalese people seen thus far seem good-natured and a bit shy around foreigners.

Nepal itself is a lot like I've always imagined South America to look. Brown natives, mountains, dry dusty towns, hideous looking buildings and nice nature. Since I've never been to South America that is all conjecture.



BUS DRIVER OF DOOM

When someone passed him or was in front of him, he took it as a personal affront. By Nepalese standards, he seemed 'extremely aggressive'. The other passengers actually looked very wary and frightened at a few of the maneuvers he did. This is another good reason to sit at the back of the bus. What you don't see coming won't scare you to death. Yes, the impact will crush you to death but hopefully you won't have time to get scared.

To imagine driving here, simply make a checklist of everything you would never consider doing on very narrow, steep mountain roads with hairpin and switchback turns in heavy traffic. Now, do all of them. Blind passing uphill around a corner? No hesitation. Play 'chicken' with other vehicles when there is no where to turn off? Regularly.

We passed through a lot of landscape that would normally look pretty but in my mind said only "If the bus driver fucks this up, we are going to roll down this rocky very steep mountain. Anyone who survives that will get to drown in the river."

Doing that sort of driving while being tortured on cheese grater roads for twelve hours is stressful and wearing.

At one stop, they washed the bus. This surprised me because I didn't think these buses ever got washed. They were careful not to wash off the red stuff the priest had lobbed at the windshield as part of the bus blessing.

During the drive (between the screaming) I saw a lot of terrace farming. While terrace farming looks nifty, it screams poverty and hard work to me. It says "My family has been poor for so long that over several generations we've been doing this - and are still poor. We work so hard we had to partially level the crappy soil of a mountain to try to eek out an existence."

Much to everyone's surprise, we arrived in Kathmandu.



KATHMANDU

After some bargaining, I paid 300 NRS for a taxi ride to the Thamel district in Kathmandu. It was a few kilometers away from where the bus dropped me off. The other taxi drivers assured me this is a good rate but I assume everything they say is a lie.

The Thamel district is totally made up of everything Nepalese think tourists want. If you can't find a guesthouse here by just walking in, you are slow of mind. Even slower than Logan - which would mean you can't understand this blog. Hence, I can say that anyone reading this blog is clever enough to find a place to sleep in Thamel. It may not be the right place or right price but there are tons of places here you can crash. You can just do what I did - find some tourists and ask them. A couple of Swiss girls directed me to one nearby.

I ended up at the Chill Out Guesthouse. The girls told me they'd heard other people get a room for 500 NRS so I bargained for that. The rate started at 600 NRS so I thought I could hit that. I did, but then they sprung the VAT and service charge on me so it was back to the bargaining table. Ended up at 550 NRS. Normally, if a place asks for VAT and service charge I just leave. Honestly. It is yet another scam. It means either that you are staying at a place that is posh and you can afford to pay an extra 25% or you are not staying at somewhere posh and they are just trying to rip you off another few rupees. The better places just include all of that shit in their price. Believe me, I do when I write about their prices.

Speaking of prices, going from 1 IRS = .02 (50 IRS = 1 USD) to 78 NRS = 1 USD SUCKS. I got spoiled. It's not like everything is the same price and you just have more money. Oh, no. They jacked the prices on everything so you end up spending a lot of time trying to figure out what you are actually paying.



ALCOHOL

In India, you are not always allowed to go into the store. There are a bunch of bars and the man inside can pass you a bottle of what you want after you give him money. This may be to keep religious types from smashing up their stock. Or theft. Probably religious fanatics. In Nepal, everyone sells booze. This is strange to me because I don't think I can really afford it. Even on my self imposed limit, I have a lot more access to money than many of the natives. I wonder "How can they afford this shit?"



WHAT THE HELL IS A 'MO MO'?

A mo mo is suppose to be this famous Nepalese food. I went and ordered some from a place that assured me 'they were good'. Pot-stickers, people. That's all they are. They were reasonable tasting but if you know what a 'pot-sticker' is, you've had it. Instead of soy sauce, they give you a sauce made from ginger, garlic and tomato. Decent but not 'oh my god, this is a unique food'. Nope.



POWER OUTAGES

Tim Van Theemsche will especially like this. For those who don't recognize it immediately, these are in military times. If you don't get the 24 hour clock, sad for you. Take a look at these times:

SUN 9-15, 19-24; MON 8-14, 17-24; TUE 5-13, 18-24; WED 4-11, 15-22; THU 3-10, 14-20; FRI 3-9, 13-19; SAT 10-17, 20-24.

Note, these times are gospel. By that I mean that everyone has times which are a little different and they bicker over them.

These are the *scheduled* power outages for Kathmandu. They don't include the unscheduled ones. This is pretty rough. I think Americans would freak out if they had to endure any of these sorts of shenanigans. I feel myself wanting to freak out. I thought they had it rough in Rajasthan when they would turn off the power for two hours every day. Turns out they were in the lap of luxury.

The reason this is of special interest to Tim V.T. - by great irony, these are the times when his internet also goes out. He has 'hick internet' and he hates it very much. I'm just happy he hasn't gone on a 'spree'. Yelling things like "Head shot" and "multi-kill" would be a real downer for worker morale at 'hick internet'. I'm not saying it isn't fully deserved, mind you...

During the rainy season in Nepal when they have more water flowing, they do not have these power outages. More water equals more power. More water also equals more water for TJ to drown the employees of 'hick internet' in - so it has it's downside...

Due to these ongoing power outages, you find a lot of places with generators, solar water heaters and so on. Also, during the rainy season when they have more water hence hydrodynamic power no outages.



GODDESS ALERT

Apparently, there is a living goddess here in Kathmandu. She's currently in the form of a little girl but is presented daily for people to see and hopefully photograph. I don't know exactly where she lives and who she is but who knows, I might go pay a visit. Apparently she is found in much the same way as the Dali Lama. When the old incarnation dies, they find a kid born at about the same time, do various tests and there you go.



BEER

This is the only publication that talks about goddesses, women's roles and beer all in the same publication.

Thus far, I've tried three different beers. In order from best to 'what the hell was that' they are: Tuborg (The Borg always win), Carlsberg and Kathmandu (brand).



TRAVELER'S TIPS

Always carry $100 or more in USD. Not EUR, not BPS - always USD. Everyone takes it and sometimes only that. Besides, if you are on the euro, getting a hundred is not expensive. I also recommend a full breakdown - $10, $20x2, $50x1. More takes up too much space, different breakdowns are less useful. All $10's is fine if you don't mind carrying more bills but that breakdown is handy. This is at a minimum. If you say 'but I'm on the euro and everyone takes euros', Nepal doesn't for their visa. There could be other countries as well. This is just your 'emergency cash'.


In most countries, your best bet is to simply ignore the buses and go to the official ticket window and get a ticket. In Nepal, find out what everyone is charging, when they leave and what their bus looks like. Then, go to the ticket window and see what they have to offer.


Negotiating with a cab. [Deep regrets if I've said this before but I still don't have a competent editor. Note that if I get one and he leaves that statement in, it says something.] Find out how much the fare should be from locals. It is actually less - they tend to exaggerate. Round down if you want or accept that or more if you want a cab right now. Business card to where you wish to go in one hand, money you wish to spend in the other. I pulled this off without speaking a couple different times.



TRAVELER'S LORE

I met up with two nice Hungarians named Attila and Ancsa. They told me two funny acronyms:

INDIA:
I
Never
Do
It
Again

NEPAL:
Never
Ending
Peace
And
Love



NEPAL WEIRDNESS

The people of Nepal are short. This makes life painful in many ways for tall or possibly average height people. Knock out doorways, feet sticking off of the edge of the bed, etc. There are bathrooms you won't be able to stand upright in. For men attempting to pee - or getting up after other activities in the unlit stinky place it'll be painful.


In Kathmandu, a lot of the women wear western clothing rather than robes and such. To me, that always speaks more to equality though I am perhaps conditioned to think this. I haven't learned much about a Nepal woman's lot in life yet but they do seem more approachable than Indian women - especially the Muslim ones. We'll see as I meet more.



COSTS (don't you wish other travel literature gave you this kind of breakdown?)

Before I came to Nepal, people had told me 'It's cheaper than India. After all, you get 1.6 NRS to 1 IRS. Yes, however you get a big stack of Vietnamese Dong to 1 IRS and Vietnam is decidedly more expensive. Hopefully, after I figure out a good place to go out of the tourist area the prices will get cheaper. Right now, they aren't. In fact, a bit more pricey than some parts of India.

Ticket from India border to Kathmandu, 470 NRS

Bus stop Snickers bar, 60 NRS

Bus stop can of pineapple juice, 60 NRS

Cheese burger at restaurant Gaia. Bit disappointing. Burgers should not have cucumber on them - ever. Sadly, America still has the best burgers in the world despite our strange motivation to put bacon on everything - even on top of other bacon. Gaia burger, 330 NRS.

One liter of 'Real' fruit juice. Note, 'real' may be the brand name, 155 - 175 NRS

'Axe' brand deodorant, 150 ml, 225 NRS. I recommend the Axe brand not for the smell or whether it works or not but merely for the twist top of the can - works very well under stress in a backpack.

Cheap Swiss Army Knife, 400 NRS

Shower (body) wash, 200 NRS

Nepal cigarettes, 115 NRS. This is for Surya cigarettes. Decent, nothing special. Cambodia is still the place for cheap smokes and booze.

Booze 700-1000 NRS. This is for either a small bottle of imported stuff or a big bottle of cheap (and possibly evil chemical treated) local stuff.


Some hotel and guest house prices from my research around the area. Note that if the place didn't have wifi and hot water I wasn't interested in the price. I can do better. Service tax and VAT are in these prices. Some prices have been 'reduced' but not by much

Hotel Holy Himalaya, 15 Euros (20 Euros for a double)
Hotel White Lotus, no wifi
Imperial, 550 NRS + odd smell in room for free
Kathmandu Guest House (fancy place), $8 single common shower, $40 single with shower
Lhasa Guest House, 500 NRS (battery back up for 24 hour wifi, owner friendly)
Mustang Holiday Inn, 1200 NRS
Sacred Valley Inn, 25 USD
Shangri-La Guest House, 700 NRS

Honestly, the people that pay $40 for a single still strike me as 'wtf are you thinking'. You could be getting a much fancier room in a much fancier country for that. Even if this is your 'big vacation'. I've been in expensive rooms and cheap rooms. Many times, you really don't get that much more good stuff out of a nicer room than a cheaper one. My rule of thumb (other than use a stick the size of my thumb) is 200 IRS for a room with no wifi, 400 IRS with wifi. So, multiply by 1.6 for NRS. Under that is even better.

Prices from "Paddy Foley's Irish Pub"
Domestic beers, 340-360 NRS
Imported beers, 300-600 NRS
Shooters and mixed drinks, 350-400 NRS

SHANGRI-LA

PARENTS AND STUFF

A long time ago (in a galaxy not so far away) I set out on my trip. My parents had two requests:

1. We don't want to know anything dangerous that you've done in the past.
2. We don't want to know anything dangerous you are currently doing.

Without telling them I've been threatened by both locals and tourists they still consider anything outside of the USA as 'remarkably dangerous'. Like western Europe. India is pretty much in the 'oh my god how have you survived this long' category for them.

Fine. I don't tell them things. Anything, actually.

I'm OK with that. I've never had a close relationship with my parents.

Then today, I get an e-mail message from them asking what my schedule is. This is very strange for me. I think the chances of them traveling outside of the USA are about the same as someone mailing me a large bundle of money and it actually reaching me.

So, it makes me wonder 'WTF'...

Note, I had asked them why they wanted to know my schedule but they never got back to me.

For long time readers of the blog, this may be the first time you've heard me mention my family. For those who know me well, the whole 'Logan has a family' thing may come as a shock. I realize that many people hold the believe that I sprouted fully formed from the earth and was bitter and unhappy about it. This may be true. It is also widely believed that I have always looked much as I do now. This may also be true. There are pictures (somewhere) of me much younger but those could have been forged.

One can never tell.



DELHI BELLY

To put it in a very polite fashion, Delhi belly. Impolite, explosive diarrhea. Not a real uncommon thing in a country as dirty as India. Or Cambodia. Or Laos for that matter. Anyway, I've gotten it again.

So, I post on FB:

"Thought: trying to sleep under mosquito netting with explosive bowels is a challenge I wouldn't wish on most of you."

Chris C had the best retort:

"I piciture you getting up in the middle of the night... moaning because yiou back hurts and now the urge to shit is making you move faster than you usually do... the netting gets wrapped around you and you stagger around looking like a cheap halloween ghost in sheet... you find the door and rush through to find you have actually stumbled into the hallway... your moans and groans grow louder as you bump against the walls making a huge ruckus... the angry hippie emerges from his room to see the large ghost flailing about and screams in fright falling to the ground clutching the logan ghost monster which makes the netting drape over the hippie who is now convinced the ghost is eating him... the angry sitar woman rushes to the hippies aid to see the naked logan monster standing in all his... Splendor... she screams and looses same sanity dropping the sitar on the hippie breaking the infernal noise machine and putting her into catatonic shock for the forseeable future. Freed from his netting logan turns around to flee toward the bathroom when his clunch fails and pure consentrated evil explode from logans backside. The angry and noisy neighbors lay smothered in covered like a BAD hot fudge sundae. Logan closes his door and makes his way to the bathroom to shower and roll back into bed... karma finally catching up with evil neighbors..."

A good movie scene!



TRAVELERS LORE

From Sabine

hey.. just read some of your blog!:).. ohh and im quoted!:).. anyway have some information regarding "going to nepal" that i thought i'd throw in your general direction.. use it as you please!... just coz i saw you were writing about it on your bogg.. and i happen to have tried both methods of reaching nepal.. several times!
TAKE THE BUS!
the bus leaves in the morning, reaches the boarder generally by evening late afternoon, you then check into a hotel, and next morning catch a bus to Kathmandu.. ( this is anyway how it turned out when i did it.. time is always relative!)
this is the easy "no hassle" option ( dont get carried away by the no hassle part though.. you still have to spend a lot of time in a small bus seat!)
If you're feeling funky.. then jump on the train going north ( any
train booking wallah will know the name of the station you then want to go to, but i cant remember!).. at the end station get a bus top the boarder, and then from there get another bus to kathmandu.. the good part about this is that the train just is more comfortable.. in the scense that your not "stuck" in the same way as on a bus.. also it leaves in the evening.. meaning that you dont have to "waste" daytime sitting on a bus (again time is relative, and somehow relatively longer on busrides!)..

both options take more or less the same amount of time, cost more or less the same.. but with the bus option you yourself dont have to move as much.. just lean back (!!) and enjoy!.. with the train theres the " sleep might be possible" option..

both the train and bus option still means that you have to catch a bus from the nepaleese boarder to kathmandu.. they leave quite often and take between 8-12 hours... my experience tells me.. the buswallah will most probably insist on 5-7 hours..

If the hostilities continue at kedar guest house you should check amima lodge.. its right on Assi Ghat between the bookshops harmony and indica books.. prices are resonable and the rooms are simple and clean.. the ones ive seem at least!

Off to Kalkatta!.. Hope you enjoy the rest of your time i Kashi!..

oiii.. btw if you go from Durga Kund (rickshaw wallahs will know this place) towards Sankat Mochan there is a grey marble temple on you left hand on the way.. check it.. but most importantly go upstairs inside and to the back, pay the 3 Rps fee and enjoy some pure indian sillyness!!! one of the little hidden things to see!



VIVA NEPAL

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I am going to get to see the grey marble temple Sabine has spoken of. A combination of the rising heat, Delhi belly, general irritability and being threatened by more people than I am accostomed to in a country has caused me to purchase the bus ticket for the border of Nepal. The bus leaves at 8:30 AM, arrives at 4:30 PM. Supposedly.

Originally, I had been told that the bus ticket was 1000 RS but this was all the way to Kathmandu with a mandatory night stop over. I had read this is not the way to do it so I asked for a ticket just to the border. Turns out that is only 500 RS. I booked it through Chnnu of the "Festive Villa Restaurant". I was told it's a 'nice bus' so we'll see what I actually get. I would like to point out that she didn't try to gouge the ticket price. That is honest and sadly rare here.

For 500 RS, I'm not really expecting all that much. But we'll see.

I went and settled accounts with the lady of the house as her husband is still off buying more land. That was painless and I didn't get robbed there. Happy.

Since my belly is currently fighting with the strange pizza like substance I put into it (Pizzeria Vaatika Cafe - decent but nothing special. Normal size, extra cheese, diet coke, 260 RS) I am planning on sitting in my room the rest of the day.

This comes as quite a disappointment to all of the merchants who would love nothing better than to lure me into their shops.

Tomorrow at 7 AM, I have asked for a tuk tuk to be waiting for me outside of my lodging just to make sure I have one. It will cost nearly double what a normal tuk tuk would (80 RS) but with the heavy pack on avoiding too much walking is not a bad thing. Chnnu booked that as well. I cautioned her that if it is not there at 7 AM exactly, I would go on foot. Since I've never had a tuk tuk booked in advance ever show up on time, I really don't expect to see it.

But I could be surprised. Who knows.

So, tomorrow I shall make my way to the Nepalese border and from there catch a bus to Kathmandu. This is thought to be the mythical 'Shangri-La', but it's probably just another claim to attract tourism. I doubt any immortal beings are still alive today. If I can get a cheap, cold, non-sucky beer and a good steak it would be close enough to Shangri-La for me.

Due to travel, it may be a couple of days before I can update.

Due to the amount of fucked up things that happen to me while I am in transit, it should be an interesting read for you. Less fun for me.



MOVIE REVIEW

The King's Speech

I remember when this was in the movie theaters not too long ago. There were so many people giving me impassioned speeches on what a great film it was and so on. And on. At the time, I didn't see it because it didn't look like my kind of movie. No humor. No explosions. No humorous explosions. But, later I thought hey - this made a lot of awards and hoopla lets give it a chance. See what's up.

No humor, no humorous explosions.

It wasn't a bad movie but it wasn't 'oh my god'. It was about someone put into extraordinary circumstances overcoming adversity. Respectable but we do get movies like that all the time. The fact that it was based on true events, neat, but meh. Who really cares?

I'd give the movie a 6/10. It was good but not earth shattering. I really don't understand why people got so worked up about it.



TV SHOW REVIEWS

'Being Human'

So far, I'm not horribly impressed. They have three main people in the cast. A werewolf who is a socially awkward pussy. He doesn't seem to have any control over it or any real upside. He just freaks out once a month. They have a charming attractive vampire who is 'on the wagon'. Christ, I'm tired of 'sexy' vampires. That cliche plus the 'on the wagon' one - dull. They also have 'the prince is angry with you' cliche from the 'Vampire: The Masquerade' RPG. And last off, they have a ghost who is totally wrapped up in her ex-fiance. She had what appears to be a dull life and spends most of her time pinning for her lost love. Fair enough, that does strike me as the kind of crap ghosts get up to.

But the series thus far has been pretty dull. Not a lot going on. Some threats of menace from here or there but nothing I've really been made to care about. I'm going to try to make it through the first season. Unless it picks up, it gets 4/10. Note, I made it through the first season but it was an effort. I have the second season mysteriously (and slowly) showing up. Unless I am out of other stuff, I won't bother.

Hell, at least on the show 'Misfits' you could look forward to them occasionally brutally murdering a probation worker.



'QI'

Logan watching a game show is as strange of concept for many as 'Logan having a family'. Understandable. Most game shows are pretty much right above 'reality shows' for appealing to the lowest common denominator. This game show is hosted by the extremely clever Stephen Fry. He strikes me as the kind of person I'd love to have a few cups of tea with and chat. This game show has questions that nobody usually knows the answers to. Like Jana's tour guiding, points are not only given for being correct but for having interesting - even if completely false - answers. As a result, I consider this usually to be funny as hell. Of course, some shows are better than others; some shows get me laughing hard enough that people who don't know I am listening through headphones may think I'm completely mad. Which may, in fact, be true.

LEARN ENGLISH WITH LOGAN

NARRATIVE

Well, tomorrow is going to kind of suck. [In retrospect, there was no 'kind of'.] I need to check out of my room by 10 PM and wait twelve hours for my train outta here. It turns out that I'd paid 550 RS for a 330 RS train ticket. Suck. And, I made the mistake of again letting someone else book my ticket. Double suck. Upper berth! Again! Triple suck.

During my twelve hours of enforced downtime, my plan was to read my hated Lonely Planet India guide to see if I could get ideas for the future. After reading it for many, many hours I'm currently torn between making my own 'best parts' guide and just chucking it. Until then, I am stuck lugging the heavy brick around.

I decided I had too much money and so went to pick up a blanket with one of the staff of the guest house. See 'Traveler's Tips' below. It may be useful having another blanket while I go up to Nepal. Part of my 'cold weather gear up'.

After I dropped my new blanket off in the gear storage room, I went out and got a cup of tea from a street vendor (5 RS). While I was there, the folks started with the usual barrage of questions. I didn't feel extremely comfortable for some reason so I pretended to be German. That stops a lot of conversations because it is easy for me to feign bad English. They asked for my name and I blanked. Told them the first thing that came to my mind - my friend's kids name: Kurgan. Fortunately, it sounds German!

Eventually, I got tired of waiting and decided to go to the train station early to wait there. After some heavy haggling, I managed to get a tuk tuk there for 60 RS instead of the usual 80 RS. Considering that locals might pay 10 RS, I am happy to haggle them down.

There are two train stations in Agra. Agra Fort and Agra Cantt. With two T's. Don't be an Agra Cantt! Be an Agra Can! Hell, I'd change the name just for the marketing. Cantt was further away and naturally that is the one I needed.

Train stations are pretty much shit holes stocked with tons of bored and irritated travelers, beggars, the clinically insane and freaks like me. Agra Cantt is no exception. I was wandering around looking for a seat and found a room labeled 'tourist waiting room'. I figured 'Hey - I'm a tourist!' and checked it out. There were six nice couches and many comfortable chairs. It was quiet. An Indian guy poked his head in, saw the color of my skin and giant backpack and left satisfied. I was thinking "This is the way to wait!"

Naturally, it closed after only a half hour of my being there.

To me, this makes no sense at all. The 11:30 PM train to Varanasi I'm informed is stocked with tourists. But they kicked me out and sent me to the normal waiting area that matched the rest of the train station. Shit-hole.

I got warnings from at least three different groups of locals about this train. Keep an eye on your bags. Don't accept any drinks from strangers because they may be drugged. One of the sources was the loudspeaker at the train station. Scary stuff.

What I got was not what I expected.

The train was so full of people that it was difficult to open the exterior door. That many people. I had an assigned seat! Lots didn't. They stood or sat where ever they could find room. I couldn't help but notice that nobody wanted the upper berth I had booked.

After walking over and sometimes on people with the heavy backpack on, I eventually got to my seat. I used the pac safe to secure it to the ring they have under the bottom seats for that purpose. I then crawled my ass up painfully to the top bunk. It was literally a teeter totter. "Something is wrong with your seat!" one Indian guy said. Well, no kidding. That would be the country wide lack of maintenance. But I managed to not kill myself or fellow passengers.

When I was trying to get to sleep, I had to (for the first time in India) ask the people in the below bunks to please keep down the noise. They were talking to each other as though they were stone deaf despite nearly sitting on each other's laps.

And yes, as per normal I did have to get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. People were loving that.

Next time, first class is looking much better. Much better.

I got wildly different arrival times from the different passengers for Varanasi. Eventually, I was lucky enough to be sitting across from someone who was actually going there. Also, it was announced by passengers on the train when we got there - probably for the benefit of the tourists.

There was a good plan in place upon arrival here. The bus station is close to the train station. I was going to walk over there and find out if it is possible to get to Nepal from here. Sadly, I was so out of it by the time I got off the train, I ended up just catching a tuk tuk to the ghat (holy bathing place) I wanted to stay near. I heard it was quiet. It is but the place I'm staying isn't.

In my usual mode of land then go looking for a new place, I have found one. Probably head over there tomorrow. Their laundry prices aren't on crack like the place I'm staying as well and almost everything is dirty.



PRELIMINARY GUESTHOUSE REVIEWS

I've seen only Om Guest House and Kedar Paying Guest House. Both have wifi and hot water, but Kedar looks better for three reasons:

1. Owner seems cooler. Laid back and helpful - just what you need.
2. Laundry price 10 RS big, 5 RS small. Fine, though I wish they'd just go to kilos like the rest of the world.
3. Rooms seem more 'airy' and come with mosquito netting.

Hopefully, Kedar will be more quiet. I'm stuck staying next to the owners here and making plans to escape as early as I can. Also, my room is dirty and all of the water leaks from the standard sub-standard plumbing.



LOOKING BACK ON AGRA

Unless you have a real hard-on to see the Taj Mahal, I don't recommend it. If you are one of the people that says "How can you go to India and NOT see the Taj?" Yeah. That counts.



MATT MATT MATT...MATAMAT!

Well, I've heard from my buddy Matt. He has his plane ticket and May 1st, we will be bothering the Nepalese. If I can hold out in Varanasi for two weeks or so, I should be in Nepal by April 1st. Yes, that will mark the official one year anniversary of Logan's voyage. That will also make the amount of time I have been traveling longer than some marriages last in America. Since Matt has just shy of two weeks of vacation, I want to try to spend some time scouting around to see what is good and what is 'the suck' so we can get him to more good than suck. Unless Matt has radically changed since I saw him last, he isn't in what anyone would call 'peak physical shape'. This is good because it means that I don't have to worry about any kind of Mt. Everest insanity other than snapping pics from a distance.



INDIA FOR WOMEN

Two German sisters I spoke with reported a lot of 'uncomfortable' stuff going on. Being stared at, followed, casual gropings, etc. During Holi when a lot of people got drunk/stoned/wild, this intensified. Even the police said things like "Hey, baby!" Other men just laughed or ignored it. A different German girl reported absolutely no difficulties. Hence, where you are, your actions, luck, attitude and how you are dressed make a huge difference. Marcus also pointed out it made a difference whether you were in a 'tourist area' or not as well. I'm not certain but the harassment may be worse in the tourist area.

Me? I get stared at all the time. I don't get stared hard at by people mentally trying to UNdress me. They may be trying to add more layers... But I do have a bit of an idea what some women go through.

Indians haven't really experienced much other than 'standard tourist' and 'hippy'. I wonder what they would do with a group of tourists in full Klingon regalia? Probably more staring...



FASCINATING THE LOCALS

I've got two items that seem to fascinate the locals whenever I pull them out. One is my cheap cigarette case. Apparently, the ones here are all plastic and the metal fascinates them. The other is my ancient MP3 player. I'm not sure why this is special - phones can do that and a lot more. These things are an ongoing mystery to me.



FACEBOOK IDEA

I've thought of a new app. It's not in good taste but those who have known me for awhile... Anyway, they may already have it. It's the "I'm dead" app. If you don't log on for (specify period of time) it automatically changes the profile picture to one you pre-selected. Perhaps with X's over the eyes. That would be one of my choices unless I could get someone to photograph me in a coffin with coins on my eyes. The suit would be the tricky part. Any private messages come back with a message you personalized "I'm sorry but I'm too dead to answer right now..." And I think it should rename you something like "Dead Logan Horsford". Then, your still alive friends would have their friends ask "Is it creepy to have a dead guy in your friends list?" And when you eventually get old you will find the creepy dead guys in your friends list outnumber the still alive (and perhaps equally creepy) ones. If I had any skill with computers (and something that had more power than a wind up airplane) I'd totally come up with that app if they haven't already.



ENGLISH FOR FOREIGNERS

Today, we will look at a fairly common slang phrase:

"Don't buy the cow if you get the milk for free." The alternative phrase is "Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?"

Both phrases are identical in their meaning.

Although it could relate to an actual cow it would be suspiciously unusual. This phrase is normally said by a man to a friend of his who is planning on asking a girl to marry him. The actual meaning is "Why get married when you are getting sex for less hassle than marriage is presumed to entail?"

This question is usually perceived as 'insensitive' by all parties.

The question is not seen as rude enough to merit any sort of hostile recourse. The person (almost always male) who is pondering marriage has only two real answers to this question. The first is along the lines of 'shut up'. The second is to mutter while looking at your feet something about love and flowers. You should not appear to ponder it at all, even if you do so in private for fear that your would be spouse is lurking nearby or that her spy network will bring her new of this.

If this question is asked by a man to his potential wife or wife, it is usually responded to by a hearty face slap and the withholding of sexual favors until such time as the man's groveling merits the return to 'good graces'.

Note, I have personally never heard anyone above the age of thirty or gay ask this question but I'm sure someone somewhere has.

This question is thought to have originated in the part of America erroneously known as 'the south'. In actuality, it is the south-eastern portion of the country. Presumably, because livestock are much more common.

The obscene variant of this question is "Why buy the cow when you get to fuck it for free?" Insulting to your cow shaped significant other along with the implication that the speaker as well as the person being asked both condone and practice bestiality.

The proper response to this variant is to look at the questioner and slowly shake your head. If you wish to say something along the lines of "You sick, twisted bastard.", this is also acceptable.

Learning English in this way is much more interesting than a standard school. If you'd like to see Logan's "Advanced English Course For Foreigners" taught in your school, please send a SASE c/o this station.



CHILD LABOR

Being against child labor is fine - in theory. In practice, it might mean 'they don't eat'. A lot of the kids I've talked to work right along side of their parents at the family business. Some even get to go to school. When they are home, they work or play. For a lot of kids it's work if you want to eat. I mentioned this to one lady and she said 'well, if they're not exploited'. Too many qualifiers. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. I know when I worked as an adult, I felt very exploited. Daily. And often, ass invaded. But in a lot of parts of the world, child labor is not something I think we should just condemn out of hand without going into a lot more detail. In BASEketball, I now feel bad that all of those kids got laid off. Compared to what I've seen people working at in India, any kid would think that was a dream job in a freakishly clean work environment.



INDIAN WEDDING CUSTOM

They have a car sized pushcart with four speakers on it and a generator within. This is used to make noise. Indians love noise. They also hook lights into the generator. The lights are used to illuminate the wedding party. As such, the cords are often many meters long - and often patched with bare and shoddy wiring. The lights are held by adults and children at the edges of the wedding party as it moves through the crowded, chaos filled streets. People are constantly stepping over, getting choked by and tripping over these wires. In the midst of this, the groom rides on a horse with a 'raja' style umbrella held over him - even at night. Because music playing over the loudspeakers and a guy in rapid Hindi announcing the wedding was not enough they also had a marching band in there. If it had been daylight, I'd have gotten some video - but my current camera doesn't work worth a crap at night. Now, push that monstrosity and parade down a lane and a half road congested with tuk tuks, pedestrians, hand carts and such and you've got the general idea.



WHERE AM I?

It turns out I've actually been in three different states. I'm not sure if Delhi counts but I'm not counting it since I got out of there so quick. So, I've been in Uttarakhand (Rishikesh), Uttar Pradesh (Agra and Varanasi) and all over Rajasthan. Depending on who I talk to, there seem to be a variable number of different Indian states. The consensus is 'shy of thirty'. So, I've only seen a small portion of the country. Every state is very different.



TRAVELER'S TIPS

If you go with a native to a merchant, you are going to pay a premium in India. Unless that person is a close, personal friend you met outside India in person - you will pay a premium. Because you think you are friends and all with the workers at the guest house doesn't make it so. Business is business. You have a lot more flexibility in haggling down the price if you are by yourself.


Remain 'on guard' even within the guest houses. Some of the younger restaurant workers have fairly elaborate stories which are basically a veiled attempt at getting money. Things like "I am putting myself and younger brother through school but have no money." It was a bit longer than that and I heard the same guy telling the same story to other tourists. He also tried the 'invite me to his home' bit where I could perhaps contribute or feel awkward. I turned him down and said I needed to read my book. Everyone has their own way of dealing with these things. For me, I carefully cultivate an attitude of not giving a shit. It's a big help.


Try not to travel a week before or a week after any festivals or holidays as trains and buses will be packed with people.



TRAVELER'S LORE

A French couple I was chatting to gave me an interesting tidbit of information. According to them, tour groups are easier for couples that have children. Note that they did seem to think just making your own way was much more satisfying, however.


According to a nice Indian man I met, I may need to go to Nepal from Gorakhpur - 230 KM away from here in a 'nothing to see here' town. Another overnight train to get there early. Ug.



VIDEOS

Julie's Class
New UN
Treat Restaurant Rooftop
Treat Restaurant Waiter



PRICES

Warm, very basic blanket, 400 RS (Note, I think you can get it for 300 RS or less with more bargaining).

Private school, per kid, per month: 2000 RS.

Tuk tuk to Assi Ghat from train station, 70 RS. He wanted a tip but I wasn't in the mood. Had he just driven me to where I wanted to go instead of trying to convince me to go elsewhere, he might have gotten one.

Train food, 40 RS - not horrible.