THE BIG SOUTH AFRICA PUSH

SOUTH AFRICA BACK ON THE TABLE

In the southern part of Africa, detailed research shows you have two different types of travel.  You can spend ten years of the average person's wage for a two week vacation in which everything presumably goes smoothly with campaign while wondering why the locals despise you or travel like the locals do.

Traveling around in a few of the countries there is no treat.  The Chinese came in and built a huge railway system.  While it's true they did foolish things like finish ahead of time to impress their supervisors instead of making sure it worked right and try to use locomotives which were woefully under-powered for the terrain, they did end up making a railroad.  Which regularly needs maintenance because they have things like mudslides there.  But build it they did.  Yes, they had to give them more money to try to keep it running but that rail line is one of the major arteries of the country now.

Why do I bring this up?  Because there aren't many working ways to get around.  The roads suck and are possibly haunted by people to whom robbing you of a few hundred dollars is like anyone getting a year's pay as a windfall.

It had been looking like South Africa was the only country fairly tame to travel through and that I wouldn't need to start worrying about what kind of shots to get - or having doctors falsify records to make it look like I did indeed get the shots.  Which costs an extra $20.

Was it worth it springing for a $600 plane ticket to get there?

I was having doubts but there is a person named Guy who has graciously invited me into his home.  For the price I was looking to spend, I can rent a room - and he'll even throw in food.  Surely, I can save up some money there?

Aside from attempting to turn my hosts into alcoholics, I mean.

So now I'm going looking for airline tickets.



AFTER SOUTH AFRICA?

Probably time to flee back to SE Asia.  Though that may change a bit of research (priceline.com):

JNB -> BKK $580
JNB -> PNH $650
JNB -> REP $1000 (holy shit)

Bit of a brilliant (??) flash - what about heading straight to Indonesia?  I've not been there before.  If I go there I'm going to need to use my forging skills to make 'proof of onward transit'.



HAVING A 'JIM GALFORD' KIND OF DAY

I've got a writer friend named Jim Galford.  He writes actual books you can buy on Amazon.  Go buy them.  Part of the reason it is great to be friends with him on Facebook is his work life is horrible.  It is so 'epically' bad I've been trying to convince him to begin writing screen plays and make a web series (later to become an acclaimed TV series in the style of 'The Office') about his normal days there.  Disclaimer:  I have no idea about his personal life and I'm sure it's very rewarding.  But the horrible stuff that happens to him has the fascination of a slow motion car wreck.

He hasn't yet, but he's weakening.

Any time I have a bad day, I think 'Well, at least I'm probably having a better time than Jim at work'.  Today I felt a little bit like Jim probably does at work.

Here's what happened.

Last night, three different websites wouldn't accept payment from either of my credit cards for airline tickets.  Perhaps they get so many illegitimate credit cards that actual working ones confuse them.

Two options remained.  Go get my Emirates Airways ticket from a travel agent or from the Emirates office in the capital (Tunis).   Research showed me their office was right in the airport.

I'd figured it would be cheaper to go straight to the company itself but I wanted to check out the travel agent first, since it would cost me about 25d ($14) round trip from where I am to the airport.

The travel agent charged an extra 80d for the ticket.  I should have taken it but apparently the rising stubbornness crossed with the falling stupidity for a perfect storm of 'lets just go to the capital'.  Besides, it would give me a day trip.

To a city that smells a lot like Ankh-Morpork.

To get to the capital, you have to get a shared taxi (called a louage) to the city.  This is about 5d.  From where the louage route ends you take a surprisingly cheap taxi for about 6d the rest of the way to the airport.

Once I got there, I discovered the small Emirates ticket office was closed - and looked like it hadn't been open for quite some time.

This is a bit baffling.  In the Arabian areas, Emirates is the premier airline!  How can it be closed?

The information desk sent me elsewhere to a large impressive Emirates office, hidden behind some airport banks.  Naturally, this office was closed with a couple people who had been patiently waiting for about twenty minutes hoping it would open.

Taped to the door was a sign stating the address one must go a few kilometers from the airport if you wanted to buy tickets.

Grilling the information guy he eventually admitted the Emirates workers were probably at their stations checking in baggage and working on boarding the flight.  I went over and told them about the waiting guys and inquired how to buy a ticket.

Turns out there is another office.  It doesn't have the Emirates name but it is a place where I can buy a ticket.

Joy.  Went there.  It's an extra 100d ($55) over the internet price to buy one from them.  Turns out that getting people involved they decide to turn on the ole 'rape you out of some more money' machine.  This is why people will all be replaced with surly robots eventually.

Bite my shiny, metal ass!

By this time, I'm saying 'fuck it, lets get this done'.  Turns out escaping Tunisia might be more difficult than I'd figured.

Well, let's put it on the credit card machine shall we?  Oh.  It's broken.  Allow me to attempt to look surprised.

Having planned in advance for incompetence and ineptitude, I'd brought enough cash.  True it sucked most of my reserve/emergency cash up but now I'm just wanting the hell out.

A thought which will continue to warm my heart is that when I am in South Africa, I'm going to need to buy another fucking ticket.  Isn't that swell?

Today, I learned a valuable lesson.  Any time you get humans involved - even if they work for the company you are flying with - you will get fucked out of a significant extra amount of money.  It's probably best to just suck it up and buy it from a travel agent if the websites don't like your plastic.

Now, I have a print out they claim to be a ticket.  We'll see if it actually works on the day of travel.



TUNISIAN DINAR FOLLIES

Every country I've ever been to is littered (word choice appropriate) with currency exchange offices.  Aside from Tunisia.  They have a couple banks in Hammamet but no currency exchange offices.

The banks will give you dinars but you can't trade in this currency for anything else.

Due to my emergency cash being blasted away buying a ticket out of this... place and their inability to process a simple credit card, replenishing some emergency funds seemed a good idea.

The Tunisian dinar is a 'closed currency' which means it is illegal to take them out of the country.  Also, having any on you when you leave is illegal.  In addition to seizing them, a hefty fine is probably assessed.

But the only place you can get your dinar changed into currency which will be more than a curio is the airport.  As you leave.

Due to the... 'special competency' I've encountered, this makes me very nervous.  I don't want to be stuck with a couple hundred dollars worth of paper.  Naturally, I walked around and talked to banks, the tourist information office and other people trying to get dollars.

Though the people who worked at the banks couldn't tell me why they would not exchange dinars for dollars, some light was shed by Monsieur Lassard - the manager of the hotel.  There is a black market for foreign currencies here.  You must show your plane ticket out at the airport banks to convert currency.

Since having the banks tell me things like "they've run out of dollars" or "the machine for counting bills is broken and they're not permitted to do it by hand" or "fuck you, that's why" is a very real possibility, I'm concerned.



HAIL BILL

Reading it is more fun than making toast in the bathtub.  Not more fun than Bill Murray though.

LOGANISMS

Some countries, like Tunisia, have 'no alcohol sold on election day'.

This is to keep the stupid people from getting alcohol.  All of the smart people stocked up ahead of time.

Can't wait till elections are over...so I can buy some alcohol!

I've come to consider myself the caganer of travel.

WELCOME TO TACO BELLO

OTAVOLO, ECUADOR

For those coming on Sunday, be advised everything is closed.   Fairly hopeless for shopping.   Some of the things do open up after noon but in general it's a dead day.



WELCOME TO TACO BELLO  (Otavolo)

This place is owned by Carlos whose been running it for the last year and a half.  Carlos used to be a private investigator in California and has retired to his native Ecuador.   He's one of those friendly, charismatic outgoing individuals and speaks great English.

You can get a reasonably good - though small - margarita for $3 and a shitload of food  (enough for three or one American) for $5 if you order the 'Fiesta Platter'.   Here's some pics of exactly what you get.  The lighter (used for size comparison) is normal sized but I can't tell you how big that is.

The food is pretty decent.  The free nachos and big thing of guacamole were FREE.  The guacamole was excellent but the chips were only so so.

The downsides:  The restaurant is closed on Tuesday and sometimes unexpectedly.  No hours are posted.  No clue why this is.

Other pics of Taco Bello are here:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Note the guns were 'for display only' according to Carlos but I wasn't handed any of them to check out.  If you are the kind of person who faints at the sight of a gun, you might want to skip this place.



ON TO QUITO

Getting the bus to Quito was surprisingly easy.  Showed up to the bus station, was told 'get on the bus', bought a ticket on the bus and off we went with no waiting.  Good deal.

Quito was a pretty average city.  Nothing special unless you want specialty food or shopping.  I came here because I needed new frames for my broken glasses and got them within an hour of arrival.

Sadly, this is one of those towns where you are warned to keep your bag on your front to discourage pickpockets.

In this country, rather than lodging in the big city being cheaper it is more expensive.  I'm not sure why that is but I've seen it in other countries as well.  It's a strange phenomena.   I wasn't digging staying at a $15 per night place and fortunately either them trying a 'bait and switch' or just incompetence saved me from having to do so.

I'd checked into and paid for a hostel room and dumped my gear.  I was told the key had been taken by someone for some purpose and I'd get it later.  No idea why they can't own more than one key to the room but whatever.  Went off to take care of my glasses issue and grab some food as it had been awhile since I'd eaten.

I even managed to find a quirky cool little cafe with the best tiramisu I've had in years.  ['The Cheese Cake Cafe'.  Address:  Juan Leon Mera E4-434 y av Colon.]

This is a sign they had hanging up in there:

When I got back to the hotel, I was told alas, the room had already been reserved.  "But I've already paid!"  I protested.  No avail.  They showed me up some very rickety metal stairs to another room which smelled strongly of paint and was harassed by the sounds of construction.  I responded with "No."  Much discussion in Spanish ensued.  Eventually, I was given back my money.

So glad I was already done with my business here!  I grabbed a very expensive $12 cab ride to go to the further away bus station.  For some reason, the cab driver keeps his wife, baby and two children in the cab with him as he works.  No fucking clue what's up with that but I'm guessing it's a 'cultural difference'.  I demanded and got the front seat.

A four dollar bus ride and I was in Banos.  More on Banos later!



ECUADOR RESTAURANTS

In many of the restaurants by the time you get your food you forgot what you ordered and perhaps why you were there in the first place.

Many of the restaurants have pictures up of what they serve.  When I look at many of the pictures I think "Not hungry enough to eat THAT."

Depending on where you eat, you can find a meal in a restaurant for under $5.  If you are eating fancy $7-10.  Talking the possibility of cloth napkins on the table.  They still bring you paper ones to use, but the cloth ones may actually be on the table.

Although Central and South America are famous for their coffee, I've yet to have a decent cup.  Usually when you order coffee, they bring you boiled water and a jar of instant coffee.  No clue why this is.  Even 'coffee houses' have served me mediocre or shit coffee.



ECUADOR LOCALS

You've got those of Spanish, Indian, black and various mixes.

The attitudes of the locals varies wildly.  Some are friendly, others standoffish.  Some give you a 'hard look' but sometimes you can crack that with a goofy grin.  Sometimes not.  Pretty normal attitudes generally ranging toward friendly.  I'd probably do better if I actually spoke fluent Spanish but unfortunately I can't download stuff like in the Matrix.  If I could, lots of languages would be step one.



STRANGE MEMENTOS

Heard about an American tourist who was popping into different countries just to get a stamp in his passport.  He wasn't interested in seeing the country or staying there - he just wanted a stamp.  This is baffling.  I've got an old passport hidden away (at a friends) which has stamps from countries that no longer exist.   Czechoslovakia, Yugoslavia, the DDR (that use to be East Germany) and so on.  You can't get those stamps any more.  In the last couple decades, I looked at that passport all of twice.  Hope that tourist gets his money's worth...



PLANNING AHEAD

Prior to my sea voyage, I ran into an American who needed to take heart medicine.  Problem was it was freakishly expensive where he was.   He was bitching about the price and said that a friend of his had told him medicine in Panama was really cheap.  "Was that all the research you did, this one friend?"  Yes.  "Didn't stock up while you were in the states, just in case?"   Nope.   Expensive fail.



ECUADOR MEMES

A couple Canadians who read the blog asked me to check out Ecuador as they were thinking about expatriating here.   Aside from visiting for six months (minimum) to a year before doing so I'd warn anyone that some of the memes of Central and South America might drive people from Western civilization nuts.  Things like amazingly shoddy or stupid business practices.  Nobody ever has any change.  Noise pollution.  Litter.  Loads of semi wild animals roaming around.  Beggars.  Things like that.  Personally though, I am digging on Ecuador.  Much better 'value for money' than places like Panama or Costa Rica though I fear it may eventually go that way here.  It's not as cheap to live as say Thailand or Indonesia or Cambodia but Spanish is easier to learn - and more useful - than Thai, Indonesia or Khmer all put together.



STRANGE LOGAN TRIVIA

The only pairs of corrective glasses I've had break have both been on buses.  Not sure what it is about buses and my glasses but two of them so far.



TRAVELER'S TIP

Secure your shit before leaving your room.

Yes, this is the 'Pacsafe'.  I may buy an additional one at some point.  They give me a warm fuzzy feeling that my computer may actually still be in the room when I return.



WHO IS JIM GALFORD

He is a writer.  Like published books and all that.  He is close to what I consider a professional writer.  When he finally gets around to making audio books of his books so that I can steal them, he has hit the big leagues.  You can check out his books on Amazon here.

Having Jim as a friend on Facebook is always a lot of fun because he has a lot of really messed up stuff that happens to him within his regular job.

Having a 'Jim Galford' experience can be defined as something really messed up you have little control over.

I had one today.  I was getting tired of having shit on my bathroom floor.  Literally.  The toilet floods.  So, I asked if it could be cleaned up.  I knew in the flophouse I'm staying repair would never happen.

They offered me a new room instead.  Tried out the new room.  Fine except it was noisier and no wifi.

I went back to my old room.  Apparently, I'd rather have shit on my floor than no wifi.

Yes, I will be looking for a new place to continue staying here but the perks of this place (1.70 USD liter of beer delivered to my room when I want, quiet, friendly staff) will be difficult to beat.  Oh, and it's $7 per night.



CONVERSATIONS WITH LOCALS

Local:  "Just because you put 'o' after a word does not make it Spanish.
Logan:  (long stare)  "I don't believe you."
Local:  (sighs)  "OK.  What is your name?"
Logan:  (in Spanish)  "My Spanish name is 'El Logano'!
Local:  (shakes head)



STAYING AT CHEAP PLACES

Honestly, the worst thing about staying at cheap places is that locals also stay at cheap places.

I've yet to find a country where this is a 'good thing'.

Locals are usually worse to live with than people who are traveling.

As an example:

Staying in the hotel I fondly refer to as 'exploding toilet' when suddenly I hear loud arguing in Spanish followed by prolonged loud screaming.  I figure we've got us some 'domestic violence' going on.

The owner of the place later comes to the door and starts informing them she is calling the police.  And she really does.

The problem?  In Ecuador the police time ranges between twenty minutes and 'never'.

So another guest and I buy beers and sit out in the hallway drinking and smoking.  I softly chant 'Jerry!  Jerry!  Jerry!'

We're hoping the police show up and maybe drag the people off.

They don't show at all.

This makes us sad.

The kicker?  It wasn't just a man and a woman - they had a small child with them.

Sad.

The lesson to be learned?  If you can afford to stay in a place more expensive than what the locals can afford to stay in, I recommend it!  Sadly, I usually can't.



VIDEOS (Note - these should have been with the 'At Sea' blog but due to shitty internet they take a long time to upload)

At Sea
First Island
Another Island
Die Crabs Die
Island Princess
Making Port



COSTS

Bus from Otavalo to Quito, $2.  Taxi ride from the bus station to a hostel, $6.  That is weird but seems standard in big towns.  If you completely avoid big towns, transportation would be basically free in Ecuador.

To get lenses made for glasses is pretty expensive here at about $150.   Not sure how much it was in Cambodia but I'm thinking cheaper.  Maybe half or my memory something something.  Frames are about $25.

(Quito)  Indian (ie India, not South America) meal, including chicken massala, rice, drink and nam bread, $7.

PLOTTING NICARAGUA TO COLOMBIA

FERRY TICKETS

Rolled up to the ticket counter to buy a ticket for the ferry and had a Jim Galford moment.  (Note:  For those who don't know, Jim Galford is an author friend of mine who has been cursed by the gods to deal with amazingly inept people.  He writes about these incidents on Facebook.  Be sure to follow his page for many amusing stories which could - and perhaps should - be made into a sitcom.)

Logan:  "I'd like to buy a ticket for the ferry for tomorrow please."

Lady:  "We can't sell you a ticket."

Logan:  "Er?  Why not?  You're here, I'm here, you are obviously open."

Lady:  "It's not two o'clock!  We can't sell tickets for the ferry for tomorrow until after two!"  (She looked at Logan as though he'd just punted a cat after molesting it.)

"Ah.  It's four minutes until two."

Lady:  (After badmouthing Americans a bit in Spanish thinking I don't understand)  "After two!"

Logan:  "Why don't I go have a cigarette."

Cut to....2:01 PM!

Logan walks up to the counter.  The lady looks at him as though she'd never seen him before.

Lady:  "Yes?"

Logan:  (Scrolls through his mind like the Terminator, examining various statements and discarding the 'fun' ones as this lady may represent the only way off this money sucking island of unbelievable heat and shitty wifi.)  "I'd like to buy a ticket for tomorrows ferry."

Lady:  "Passport."

Logan:   "Shit.  I'll be back."



SCHEMING

TJ came up with a chipper idea of 'well screw Colombia if they want proof of onward transit.  This would normally be a good idea but other countries look about as bad down there.

Once I can 'break into' south America I should be OK for such things as border crossings and such, thanks to good advice from my personal travel mentor.

It's looking like I may be forced into taking a leisurely four day small boat ride through the waters of the Caribbean to get around the 'no road bandit infested you'd have to be mad to come here' area between Panama and Colombia overland route.  Curse my bad luck.

It's looking like it will be expensive weighing in at about $500.  This does look cheaper than the plane rides I've found which seem to route through the USA.  Presumably, nobody in Central America has any real interest in visiting anyone in South America.

Perhaps they don't get along.

Perhaps the gorillas act as a 'great wall' between Central and South.

Not really sure but it is certainly looking more expensive than a $50 bus ride.  Sure, more adventurous as well.  Boats occasionally go down.  Don't think we're going to be invaded by pirates because it's my understanding they pack the boat so full of people there won't be any room for them.

Doesn't appear that it is possible to catch a boat from anywhere other than Panama.

Sad.

If anyone has any ideas or wishes to contribute any information I'm grateful.



QUOTES

"I'd rather live a dangerous life than none at all trying to stay 'safe'." - Logan Horsford


Owner of the hostel after I came back from a long walk covered in sweat:  "You're melting!"
Logan:  "Yet the fat remains."

Later,

Logan:  "Hey man, do you want this pizza?  I bought it today, ate the other half and it's made me very sick."
Owner of the hostel:  "I'll give it to Roberto (the cleaning guy).  He eats anything."



TRAVELER'S LORE

Don't use the money exchangers to get local currency within Central America.  The local populace sees US dollars as more stable and reliable and give better rates than that band of pirates.  Note that denominations larger than $20's may be difficult for many places to exchange.  Here, as in Asia you often come upon merchants who keep no change handy as they apparently weren't expecting to do any business.