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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

BJ ALLEY AND SATAN

FORWARD PLANNING

Did some preliminary studying of the potential route I'm contemplating after I get done in Odessa.

Some people will say "Why does he concentrate so much on room costs?"  Because that's pretty much your major cost.  You can eat crap from grocery stores deli counters or food stands to decrease your expenses.  The room cost is the big one though.

Varna, Bulgaria.  It's looking like the room cost will probably be between $12-16 per night.  Unless I'm really taken with the town or find something cheaper when I'm there, I won't be there for long.

Thessaloniki, Greece.  Clench yer butt cheeks folks.  I've heard a lot about their recession and down turn in the economy.  Apparently, this news hasn't reached the hotel or hostel industry.  For an eight bed dorm it's about $20 per night.  Clearly, I will only be there for a couple days.  Not sure if I want to go to other places within Greece or not.  More research on Greece will be required but the total time there will probably be a week or two.

Ohrid, Macedonia.  I'm calling it that because the 'former Yugoslav etc' is hard to pronounce.  It gets very reasonable quick but of the cities close to where I'm contemplating going, only in Ohrid.  About $16 for a private apartment or room.  Unfortunately, it's within the 'schendigan agreement' lands so that limits the time within the country were I to find a 'good deal' on rent.

Next up to study, Albania.

What my goal is would be to have a cheap country I can hang out in for a few months to let my funds regenerate.  Was thinking about Egypt but they are shooting tourists there AND one of the future potential presidents of the country has failed to answer me on Facebook so I'm thinking wait till it calms down.  If I can't find a good country to sit and regenerate money, my backup plan is to get back to SE Asia so I can undergo the wonderful rioting within Thailand.  So happy there, I'm sure.

My travel mentor suggested I head straight over to Macedonia then Albania saving Greece with it's three month in three out till later.  This may be a very good idea.  It also puts me close to Turkey.  If I'm feeling too poor by the end of this, I can flee back to SE Asia for six hundred dollars or less.



WORDS FROM A DIFFERENT DIMENSION

New word of the day:

Cockbarrow.

In a world in which some sort of cheap and easy way existed for men to enlarge their own penis, this would be the wheel barrow men would push their penis around in.

News story:

May White, 22, was accused of killing seven men by whistling at them.  The stunning blond would find someone pushing a cockbarrow and whistle at him.  The man would get an erection, the cockbarrow would explode and his body would be instantly drained of all blood.  When asked why she had done it, Ms. White angrily responded "They were all such dicks!"



ROAD WARRIOR PICS

Courtesy of Evil Cat

Master blaster!
Mel is not happy with me.
At least I have a helmet!



BJ ALLEY (A story from Logan's distant past)

Giving you fair warning.  I even consider this next post offensive.  If you feel you have the capacity to be offended, are religious in any way or Korean you might consider just skipping to the next section.

Note that the names (aside from Bill whose actual name I couldn't remember) are real.  However there are so many people with the same names or the actual people are dead I figure it doesn't matter.

I'm calling this story 'Violations' because several things were violated.  Freedom, religion and even the principles of good story telling.  Many asides and little jaunts will be made.


The setting was Korea of the late 1980's.   Korea was a very different country then.  The first sight you had landing at the airport was huts sprouting television antennas.  The people were poor, the prices were cheap, hookers were either $10 for a quick in and out or $20 if you wanted to spend the night at their place.  And in to this den of iniquity was dropped a young Logan with money to burn and the self control of Charley Sheen.  I would like to note that Korea has changed massively in the last few decades.   Hell, even their internet is about four times faster.


Cast of characters

Sergeant George S Nelson.  One of his most awe inspiring features is that he spoke just like Elmer Fudd.  I'm not joking and neither was he.  He worked in S2 (intelligence) section and was my bosses boss.  By some strange twist of military logic, he was also in charge of the military police (MP) on the base.  I think he wanted to take me under his wing and mentor me but at the young age of eighteen, the voices in my head were louder than his and I figured I knew everything about everything.  He would often take me downtown to investigate the various sleazy bars to make sure they weren't in violation of any codes.  He never told me what the codes were but his fast paced walk from bar to bar to check in on things had two different interesting side effects for me.  The MP's at the locked gates figured I must be a young officer to be hanging out with such a senior (E-7) sergeant.  They would salute me, I'd salute back and was careful to never wear my uniform off base.  Sgt Nelson never bothered to correct  their mistake and tell them I was just a private.  As a bonus, every bar we inspected gave me a free drink.  After a few bars, I eventually became too drunk to continue the inspection and the sergeant would leave me to wallow in the whore pits.  How I miss the whore pits.


Hubbard.  He was a strange, perverted man.  The story which most speaks to his character was when we had a new lieutenant show up at the base.  "Take me to my driver, Horsford!"  Yessir, I replied.  We walked out toward the vehicle Hubbard sat in.  I was alarmed and the officer angry when we saw the look on Hubbard's face.  It appeared he was getting a blow job in the vehicle.  The windshield wipers slowly went back and forth.  As Hubbard thrashed around more and more, the wipers sped up.  Eventually, he started to convulse and the sprayers went off.  During Hubbard and the trucks' orgasm, we discovered nobody else was in the vehicle and Hubbard had both hands on the steering wheel.  As the officer stared in horror I simply gestured toward the vehicle and said "Your driver sir!", spun on my heel and left.


'Bill'.  I don't remember this guys actual name.  What I do remember is his fanaticism.   Not sure which flavor of Christianity he subscribed to but he loved talking about how he didn't drink, smoke or fuck - like it was a good thing.  It saddens me that in today's 'anti-bullying', politically correct era these sorts of people who preach their religion non-stop can't get punched in the face.


One night, Hubbard decided he'd had enough of Bill's religious rantings.


As the MP's sat around the locked gate, they saw eight people head toward them.  One, a young man they believed to be a young officer walked a bit ahead of the group of people who were all holding on to a wildly struggling spreadeagled man.  They couldn't understand the muffled grunting and pleas as the man had his mouth well duct taped.  The officer gestured to the gate as he approached it.  They opened it and the entire company passed out into the town.

Once we got Bill off base and told him that if he attempted to escape we'd beat him to death and stash the body he calmed down.  He must have told himself he'd just have to ride this one out then he could put us all on report later.

Fair enough.

We took him to a bar and ordered 燒酒.  He didn't know what that was either.  It was soju.  For those who don't know, this is strong (40-80 proof) alcohol.  The taste is vile to anyone not from Korea.  Perhaps even to some Koreans.  It is so bad that soldiers often had Kool-Aid powder mixed in just so they can choke it down.  We ordered a more expensive one that had Codeine (an opiate based pain killer) added just to give it an extra kick.

We told Bill to drink his or we'd give him a beating.

"This Kool-Aid tastes like shit!" extremely sheltered Bill exclaimed.

Hubbard slammed down his hand on the table and looked around wildly.  He hissed "Don't let the Koreans hear you say that!  If they think you don't like the drink they'll slit all our throats!"

Bill believed him and downed his.  And another.

With strong alcohol slamming into his virgin system along with the codeine, he was now docile.

The rest of the group began wandering off.

Hubbard eyed me across the table.  "We should take him to BJ alley."

Bill had no clue what that meant.  I happily nodded and we hoisted Bill up and took him there.  My memory does not recollect how many more bars we stopped by on the way there.

Eventually, we made it to the notorious 'blow job alley'.  Bill was leaning drunkenly against the wall.  Sadly, it was the same wall I was urinating on.  Too close to him.  Much too close to him.

Hubbard was deep in negotiations with the mistress of the whores, the 'momma-san'.
The actual momma-san was more hideous than this.  She was missing tufts of hair.  One eye was droopy and pussing.  She had the stumps of five or six blackened teeth remaining in her crooked mouth.  Her body looked like  a worn out punching bag.

Hubbard:  "How much, momma-san?"
Momma-san:  "Ten dollar, any girl you want."
Hubbard:  "I want you, momma-san!"

Momma-san made a squack of surprise.  I faced back to the wall to make sure the right amount of urine was going onto Bill and to make sure none of that horror would become lodged in my brain.

As I finished up, a young woman came and opened up Bill's fly and popped his cock into her mouth.

"Uh!  What's going on?" shrieked Bill.

"Relax," I responded.  "They're real friendly 'round here."


Bill was downtown nearly every weekend after that.  Like many sheltered people who get a taste of the 'bad life' he went completely off the rails.  Drinking, smoking, drugs, whores.

I began to suspect I might be a bad influence.

For religious types reading this, fear not.  I got a thank you card from Satan.



DINNER

Folks in Odessa have often told me that restaurant food sucked.  I was anxious to try a home cooked meal to compare.  Fortunately, a couple friends of mine were very gracious and had me over to their home to try an actual Ukrainian meal.

These were the friends
Roxanne and Sergey, caught in what they may consider to be not their best photo.  Really nice people and both speak English which is good as I still haven't learned Russian.

And this is what we ate:
Meat with some sort of seasoning on it then fried

Vegetables with a zesty tasting sauce, served at room temperature.  I didn't think I'd like it but ended up eating all of it.

And potatoes with 'pig fat' (British 'crackling', American 'pork rind') and a bit of onion on top.

The meal was very good.  After dining with them, I had to change my opinion on Ukrainian food.  It's good unless you are dining at a restaurant.

Thanks again to my hosts!



VIDEO

Odessa Interiors

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PICTURES

{{2011}} London, GB | Rail N Sail | Amsterdam, Netherlands | Prague, Czech Republic | Budapest, Hungary | Sarajevo, Bosnia | Romania | Chisinau, Moldova | Ukraine: Odessa - Sevastopol | Crossed Black Sea by ship | Georgia: Batumi - Tbilisi - Telavi - Sighnaghi - Chabukiani | Turkey: Kars - Lost City of Ani - Goreme - Istanbul | Jordan: Amman - Wadi Rum | Israel | Egypt: Neweiba - Luxor - Karnak - Cairo | Thailand: Bangkok - Pattaya - Chaing Mai - Chaing Rei | Laos: Luang Prabang - Pakse | Cambodia: Phnom Penh | Vietnam: Vung Tau - Saigon aka Ho Chi Minh City

{{2012}} Cambodia: Kampot - Sihanoukville - Siem Reap - Angkor Wat | Thailand: Bangkok | India: Rishikesh - Ajmer - Pushkar - Bundi - Udaipur - Jodhpur - Jasalmer - Bikaner - Jaipur - Agra - Varanasi | Nepal: Kathmandu - Chitwan - Pokhara - Bhaktapur - (Rafting) - Dharan | India: Darjeeling - Calcutta Panaji | Thailand: Bangkok - again - Krabi Town | Malaysia, Malaka | Indonesia: Dumas - Bukittinggi - Kuta - Ubud - 'Full Throttle' - Gili Islands - Senggigi | Cambodia: Siem Reap | Thailand: Trat | Turkey: Istanbul | Georgia: Tbilisi

{{2013}} Latvia: Riga | Germany: Berlin | Spain: Malaga - Grenada | Morocco: Marrakech - Essauira - Casablanca - Chefchawen - Fes | Germany: Frankfurt | Logan's Home Invasion USA: Virginia - Michigan - Indiana - Illinois - Illinois - Colorado | Guatemala: Antigua - San Pedro | Honduras: Copan Ruinas - Utila | Nicaragua: Granada | Colombia: Cartagena | Ecuador: Otavalo - Quito - Banos - Samari (a spa outside of Banos) - Puyo - Mera

{{2014}} Peru: Lima - Nasca - Cusco | Dominican Republic | Ukraine: Odessa | Bulgaria: Varna - Plovdiv | Macedonia: Skopje - Bitola - Ohrid - Struga | Albania: Berat - Sarande | Greece: Athens | Italy: Naples - Pompeii - Salerno | Tunisia: Hammamet 1

{{2015}} Hammamet 2 | South Africa: Johnnesburg | Thailand: Hua Hin - Hat Yai | Malaysia: Georgetown | Thailand: Krabi Town | Indonesia:
Sabang Island | Bulgaria: Plovdiv | Romania: Ploiesti - Targu Mures | Poland: Warsaw | Czech Republic: Prague | Germany: Munich | Netherlands: Groningen | England: Slough | Thailand: Ayutthaya - Khon Kaen - Vang Vieng | Cambodia: Siem Reap

{{2016}} Thailand: Kanchanaburi - Chumphon | Malaysia: Ipoh - Kuala Lumpur - Kuching - Miri | Ukraine: Kiev | Romania: Targu Mures - Barsov | Morocco: Tetouan | Portugal: Faro

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