Thursday, April 3, 2014


Logan's Totally Uninformed Opinion on What's Currently Going on in Ukraine!

(Note, still probably better than Fox News which goes out and surveys people to find out what they think is going on...  It's easier than real journalism.)

In two months, they are suppose to have an election.  As in the TV series South Park, they will have a choice of votes between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.  Or, in this case perhaps the 'Chocolate King' vs the 'Gas Princess'.  Gosh - that makes them sound like characters in a romantic fairy tale.  Unless prevented from doing so, Darth Vader will also run in the election.  He vows "I alone can make an empire out of a republic, to restore former glory, to return lost territories and pride for this country...".  I don't rate his chances of winning high.

In fact, things have gotten so weird that even a biker gang President Putin rides with has shown up in Crimea to 'sort things'.  It is interesting that the president of a country rides around with a biker gang from time to time.
I can't make this shit up.

Having the president of a country invade at the head of a large biker gang would be quite a visual image.  Perhaps reminiscent of 'The Humungus'.
Imagine instead a Russian flag behind him.  His message also matches Putin's:  "Just walk away..."

Meanwhile, after invading the sovereign territory and completely getting away with it (let's face it, other countries haven't demonstrated giving a shit about Ukraine) Russia has decided more stick instead of carrot.

"Remember that good deal we were going to give your last president on the gas you guys need from us?  The one we were going to give you to not be interested in getting with the EU?  Well, fuck you.  We're raising gas prices."

This is a confusing move.  From what a Russian guy told me, there is a lot of unspecified 'confusing stuff' going on within the Russian government as well right now.  Like deciding 'Screw it - lets go after another piece of land.'  Don't think that even if they get Alaska it will generate much emotion within the USA.  It's not mainland, it's cold and well crap - I got work on Monday...

As to the people in Ukraine, they still seem split three different ways on how they think it should go.  Some are pro-Russian, others are pro-EU and many are 'Let's just keep Ukraine in Ukraine.'

One of these three choices isn't working out worth a shit but nationalism keeps it on the table.  Most people seem to just be going on with their lives.  This is a huge contrast to the sensationalistic crap CNN is trying to roll out about a possible start to WW3.

Lets consider money.  Ukraine it'self is pretty much out of gas and oil.  I presume it was mined out and shipped back to Russia in the good ole days of the USSR.  That's their main import from Russia.  Their main export, iron mostly goes to their biggest customer, Russia.

Despite what the people think with their strong sense of national identity, Russia has them by the balls monetarily.  In addition to Russia being their biggest customer and supplier, Ukraine owes them just a little bit of money.  About ten billion dollars.  In a country where the presidents normally flee with tons of cash as their way of resigning from office, this seems a bit exorbitant.   It does make me wonder if Ukraine wouldn't have been better off just selling Crimea for 10 billion dollars.  Guessing a lot of people from there wouldn't have been too happy about that...

The big question doesn't really concern 'where will Ukraine be after the elections.  As we've stated before, nobody outside Ukraine really seems to give a shit.  Sure, the USA put a couple minor sanctions on Russia but everyone is more concerned about how that will affect the bottom line than actually getting Russia to give back Crimea.  Heck, the neighboring countries are more concerned about 'what does this mean for us' than the actual situation in Ukraine.

Well, Russia itself is still in a state of flux.  Putin is doing stuff that should make people a bit concerned - like bringing back the 'health and fitness' programs we last saw in the USSR.  People are 'expected to participate'.  Hell, if they tried to do something like that in the USA they would probably have riots surpassing the 'Occupy Movement' in what it actually achieved.  Which was 'raising awareness' and 'encouraging dialog'.  (In other words, pretty much nothing as I'd stated at the time it was going on.)  Force a fat man to stop eating his fast food burger which he is too lazy to use his own hands to feed himself and he may just get up enough anger to riot.  Unless that fat man is in a state with legalized pot.  Hard to get worked up and mad when you've had enough pot.

But as to Ukraine, only Russia really seems to care.  Sure, the EU would like to have closer relations with Ukraine.  However, Russia might this (or worse still, Ukraine joining the EU) as a large mishapen penis sticking into their country, as illustrated below:

Not a terribly happy thing for Russia and no lube.  Hell, even China is getting cozy with the EU.  Maybe Russia is starting to feel like Jay in this short movie clip.

Perhaps this is how Russia would like to see the map look:
 Now who has the penis in them eh?

If someone drove tanks into the (continental) USA, Americans would doubtless shoot at them with completely ineffectual weapons, as Tom Hanks demonstrated in "Saving Private Ryan".

Of course, Americans generally have more effective weapons...
It shoots through schools!  Good times.  Pictured above, typical American preschool teacher on her way to work.  And the training some American children do here.  Possibly to combat their teachers.

However, in Ukraine, the response has been one of...well...nothing really.  There is a lot of useless double talk and mincing around with words but everything always seems to come back to the May 25th elections.  Putin seems happy about that.

Ukrainians seem to think that everything will get sorted out then.  Russia is probably also waiting.  If someone pro-Russia is elected (despite them seizing just a little bit of the country here it could happen) they won't have to do anything else to get the rest of the country.

I'll go on record and put in my prediction for a good ole post election riot, just like their neighbor Turkey.  Hell, they can't even agree what language to speak in this country.  Agreeing on a new president seems bloody unlikely.  Hence, I predict the country will become a flailing shit storm for awhile and probably Russia will either control the new leadership or bribe the country.  This is a country that understands and appreciates heavy bribery.

Logan Horsford is not an international news affiliate.  He has never written for nor been published by such respected news agencies as Yahoo! News, HuffingtonPost, CNN, Google News, New York Times and Al Jazeera.  Even the dubious and seedy Fox News has failed to contact - or more importantly - pay him.  This could be in part at Logan's stubborn refusal to learn more than ten words in Russian or even his complete lack of expertise on nearly all subjects.  Though Logan was born in the USA, he managed to escape at the tender age of forty five and now lives almost exclusively in countries considered by most in the USA to be 'third world countries'.  Simply, because that is all he can afford.  If you wish to contribute to Logan's ongoing stomping around the world, please feel free to give a donation via to  All donations are appreciated.

For those not familiar with my lifestyle, at the time of this writing, I've lived in Ukraine for two months...


This is a video of daily street life in Russia.  Here is the news story from that abhorrent video.

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