RANDOM SHIT IN UKRAINE
Went with my buddies in Ukraine to buy a cheap chair today.
The chairs that came with the place I am renting - not comfortable. The mind can only absorb what the ass can endure or some such. My ass was unhappy.
So we went to the mall.
It's a nice two story deal that has customers unlike in the USA where they are mostly dead due to Amazon.
Anyway,
The people in Ukraine are not that 'expressive' to people they don't know. I suspect this is because of the 'bad ole days' (USSR) when if you looked happy it meant you had gotten a new refrigerator from the KGB for informing on your former neighbor or some such.
So when people working in stores see me 'being Logan' they either stare like 'I think he may actually be crazy' or try to keep from cracking up and try to hide it.
But I've studied Paul Ekman so I know.
The poor ladies at the furniture store.
But, my clowning around often has a positive effect. People admitting they speak some (or even good) English.
Being able to not take myself at all seriously helps others to open up, just a bit.
Another interesting thing - taxis here show the same attitudes people had toward seat belts in the 1970's (to the best of my recollection). When I start putting them on, they often say (in Ukrainian or Russian) things like "You don't need that" and "Why are you putting that on" or "What are you doing? Don't do that!" to which I respond (in English because I'm not that slick) "Hey, I've seen how they drive here. I'm going to go for that 'double chance to live' thanks."
Turned out our taxi driver spoke a bit of German today. That was a nice surprise so we did a bit of chatting.
UKRAINE UPDATE (posted to Logan's Voyage Facebook page 3 JUL 18)
I've fallen into a daily rhythm living in this small town in Ukraine.
Every day, I wake up (a needed step), putter around for a bit on the computer then go out for my walk and to get some food. Get stared at by unsmiling locals who think I may be mad. In many of the countries once ruled by Russia, smiling is not done outside of friends and family. Also, the locals might be right. I've found that (like with many countries) the locals may just be a bit freaked out because they don't get many tourists here. When you start talking to them they are fine. So don't take the looks you get while wandering around personally - just chalk it up to culture. Remember - Russia had to try to teach it's people to smile at others (and not beat up too many gays) for the big month long football thing they had. Cultural difference.
Come back, shower up, write. Eventually, dinner comes from an excellent service, MisterAM (https://misteram.com.ua/chernigov) Which is great because they can bring food from loads of different restaurants.
How do I feel about Ukrainian food? If you were to put all of the food from all of the countries in a line with one side being great and the other Moldovia, Ukraine food would be somewhere in the middle. I am not a fan but it keeps my belly full.
Eventually, give up writing and switch to drinking and watching movies or youtube until I go to sleep. Maybe play some video games.
Once a week I meet up with my good friends - a married couple who live in this town. We go to the mall so they can buy needed food and I can buy junk food. I don't cook or want to.
That's about it.
In a bit less than a month, I will be back in England running the table top RPG which is made into a podcast (https://anchor.fm/ataw for those interested) as well as on youtube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2TZucbqPpz9Bx8rz57Wbmg/playlists)
After three months of that, I will find somewhere to go hang out for the winter time. It will either be in economically fucked Greece or perhaps the south of France. I'm done with northern Africa and don't want to return to Asia yet again for a long while.
That's my update!
YET MORE RANDOM (LITERAL) SHIT IN UKRAINE
This is the headline hospital story. For some reason (bastards) I can't understand, tales of Logan's pain and suffering top the charts. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother telling people about my various physical ailments. It's something old people love to do - they don't have much else going on - but nobody cares.
Except apparently people reading this blog. Watching Logan suffer is like a public execution. Good clean fun for the whole family.
Warning!
This post deals with horribly disgusting stuff. If you are offended by such things - well, it's a minor miracle you read this blog at all for starters.
But this is pretty gross.
Turn away now.
Still with me?
Right - you've been warned off but yet you are still here.
For the last two or three weeks, my belly has been making increasing loud noises. Painful gas and my shit has been the combination of a soft serve ice cream server with a high pressure air hose.
That mental imagery is now stuck in you mind. The next time you have anything remotely resembling that sort of bowel movement, you will think of the ice cream being blasted by an air hose.
It's a thing of beauty and horror. But mostly horror. Well, not much in the way of beauty.
Let's start with a good quote:
Movie: Formula 51 quote from Shirley DeSouza: "Well, shit in a bag and punch it!"
That's where this story starts out.
Logan attempting to shit into a bag.
I've got some very good Ukrainian friends here - Sergey and Roksana. They help me out a lot when I come to Ukraine. This time in particular. They were the ones that helped me find a place to stay - even did the equivalent of co-signing for me since the landlords were freaked out to have some short stay non-Ukrainian speaking foreigner rent their house.
Way beyond the call of duty. Amazing people.
So Roksana had gone out and bought me a 'collect your own shit and put it into this small tube' thing from the pharmacy. I expressed surprise, then concern when I saw it.
Then the poor lady had to explain to me that 'in Ukraine, this is how it is done' then go into some particulars.
I don't remember how I had to turn in shit in the USA but I remember it all took place at the facility and was not a big deal. And I was absolutely not scraping my shit into a small cheap sample jar with a plastic knife left over from one of the take outs.
Not a great morning.
And the sample jar did not have a lot to show for it, thus proving my body works against me any chance it can get. This is why I like punishing it with alcohol and an occasional Q-Tip into the brain.
At the facility I also gave blood.
There was a ton of work for a small sample, but as soon as I left the facility, I found myself rushing to a bathroom in the mall where suddenly UGGG. Complete with all those sound effects.
Then again on the way home he tried for another performance but I managed to get the 4.5KM home (I walked from the testing facility for some odd reason) before a repeat performance.
Thanks body.
After that was spent lying in bed aside from typing out this.
More will happen tomorrow and I'll write about it then. Some of the blood tests will be done (we hope) before I see the doctor tomorrow so we'll see what happens.
Total cost for two blood tests and one feces test: About $40/36EUR/31GBP/56AUD.
(It's fun to think that with the exception of AUD I use all of those currencies regularly. I do hope to visit Oz some day.)
The next day...
You guys are lucky to be able to read it like this. I had to wait around to the next day to actually come.
Anyway.
Sergey and Rox showed up, we went to a pretty typical Eastern European hospital. Lots of different corridors with offices built in the most depressing style possible. While the west calls it 'brutalist architecture', Sergey tells me that here it is called 'Social Realism'. Funny and depressing.
Paid some money, got an MRI. I asked the lady if my baby would be OK or not.
Not sure how much Sergey translated. It is probably best that he does not translate all of the random crap I say.
Anyway, they found a 1mm gall stone.
It's bad but how bad? The doctor was saying 50/50 a lot when we consulted with him later and prescribed a couple very expensive medicines I should take.
I asked how much he thought the surgery would be and he estimated around $220 - but I couldn't get it here because I would be flying back to the UK soon. Plus, there is a fear of doing the surgery here because having a foreigner die on your operating table seems to freak them out. So I'm stuck. If they had said "Give us a couple hundred dollars and hop up on this table" I'd have said "Let's do this." But no. The changes in air pressure and fear of operating on foreigners - they advised I 'wait and see'.
So I may have to have a surgery in the UK. If they'll do it. I'll go consult with a doctor to see what is happening.
But according to Sergey - who was doing the translating and talked to me afterward - the doctor seemed to flip flop a lot in what he was suggesting. Sergey suggested he might be a shit doctor and advised me to get it checked out in the UK.
So it's looking like I will have to do that. Google says there is a UK hospital 3KM from where I live so I'll walk my fat ass over there and see how it would work to get treated there. Does this thing really need to come out? Will it solve itself?
There are some absolutely horrifying signs I can watch for to see - I am told - that bad things are now happening.
Itchy skin.
My eyes turn yellow.
My skin turns yellow and I become Homer Simpson. D'oh.
That is terrifying. Especially if I start acting like Homer.
The doctor of course said "You will have to change your eating habits..."
I smiled and whispered "I don't think that will happen."
Doctor: "And you should lose a lot of weight."
Logan: "It is obvious I lack the willpower to do that."
Doctor: (Said some other stuff).
Logan: (Pondering to himself: I wonder if alcohol will affect this? Hum.)
Poor Sergey was distraught with my cavalier attitude toward possible impending death.
"I've had a remarkable run." I told him. This did not reassure him for some reason.
So we'll see what happens.
Total cost:
Consulting with a doctor
Having an ultrasound
Getting double the dosage of some freaky expensive medicine
Total: About $100.
Went with my buddies in Ukraine to buy a cheap chair today.
The chairs that came with the place I am renting - not comfortable. The mind can only absorb what the ass can endure or some such. My ass was unhappy.
So we went to the mall.
It's a nice two story deal that has customers unlike in the USA where they are mostly dead due to Amazon.
Anyway,
The people in Ukraine are not that 'expressive' to people they don't know. I suspect this is because of the 'bad ole days' (USSR) when if you looked happy it meant you had gotten a new refrigerator from the KGB for informing on your former neighbor or some such.
So when people working in stores see me 'being Logan' they either stare like 'I think he may actually be crazy' or try to keep from cracking up and try to hide it.
But I've studied Paul Ekman so I know.
The poor ladies at the furniture store.
But, my clowning around often has a positive effect. People admitting they speak some (or even good) English.
Being able to not take myself at all seriously helps others to open up, just a bit.
Another interesting thing - taxis here show the same attitudes people had toward seat belts in the 1970's (to the best of my recollection). When I start putting them on, they often say (in Ukrainian or Russian) things like "You don't need that" and "Why are you putting that on" or "What are you doing? Don't do that!" to which I respond (in English because I'm not that slick) "Hey, I've seen how they drive here. I'm going to go for that 'double chance to live' thanks."
Turned out our taxi driver spoke a bit of German today. That was a nice surprise so we did a bit of chatting.
UKRAINE UPDATE (posted to Logan's Voyage Facebook page 3 JUL 18)
I've fallen into a daily rhythm living in this small town in Ukraine.
Every day, I wake up (a needed step), putter around for a bit on the computer then go out for my walk and to get some food. Get stared at by unsmiling locals who think I may be mad. In many of the countries once ruled by Russia, smiling is not done outside of friends and family. Also, the locals might be right. I've found that (like with many countries) the locals may just be a bit freaked out because they don't get many tourists here. When you start talking to them they are fine. So don't take the looks you get while wandering around personally - just chalk it up to culture. Remember - Russia had to try to teach it's people to smile at others (and not beat up too many gays) for the big month long football thing they had. Cultural difference.
Come back, shower up, write. Eventually, dinner comes from an excellent service, MisterAM (https://misteram.com.ua/chernigov) Which is great because they can bring food from loads of different restaurants.
How do I feel about Ukrainian food? If you were to put all of the food from all of the countries in a line with one side being great and the other Moldovia, Ukraine food would be somewhere in the middle. I am not a fan but it keeps my belly full.
Eventually, give up writing and switch to drinking and watching movies or youtube until I go to sleep. Maybe play some video games.
Once a week I meet up with my good friends - a married couple who live in this town. We go to the mall so they can buy needed food and I can buy junk food. I don't cook or want to.
That's about it.
In a bit less than a month, I will be back in England running the table top RPG which is made into a podcast (https://anchor.fm/ataw for those interested) as well as on youtube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2TZucbqPpz9Bx8rz57Wbmg/playlists)
After three months of that, I will find somewhere to go hang out for the winter time. It will either be in economically fucked Greece or perhaps the south of France. I'm done with northern Africa and don't want to return to Asia yet again for a long while.
That's my update!
YET MORE RANDOM (LITERAL) SHIT IN UKRAINE
This is the headline hospital story. For some reason (bastards) I can't understand, tales of Logan's pain and suffering top the charts. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother telling people about my various physical ailments. It's something old people love to do - they don't have much else going on - but nobody cares.
Except apparently people reading this blog. Watching Logan suffer is like a public execution. Good clean fun for the whole family.
Warning!
This post deals with horribly disgusting stuff. If you are offended by such things - well, it's a minor miracle you read this blog at all for starters.
But this is pretty gross.
Turn away now.
Still with me?
Right - you've been warned off but yet you are still here.
For the last two or three weeks, my belly has been making increasing loud noises. Painful gas and my shit has been the combination of a soft serve ice cream server with a high pressure air hose.
That mental imagery is now stuck in you mind. The next time you have anything remotely resembling that sort of bowel movement, you will think of the ice cream being blasted by an air hose.
It's a thing of beauty and horror. But mostly horror. Well, not much in the way of beauty.
Let's start with a good quote:
Movie: Formula 51 quote from Shirley DeSouza: "Well, shit in a bag and punch it!"
That's where this story starts out.
Logan attempting to shit into a bag.
I've got some very good Ukrainian friends here - Sergey and Roksana. They help me out a lot when I come to Ukraine. This time in particular. They were the ones that helped me find a place to stay - even did the equivalent of co-signing for me since the landlords were freaked out to have some short stay non-Ukrainian speaking foreigner rent their house.
Way beyond the call of duty. Amazing people.
So Roksana had gone out and bought me a 'collect your own shit and put it into this small tube' thing from the pharmacy. I expressed surprise, then concern when I saw it.
Then the poor lady had to explain to me that 'in Ukraine, this is how it is done' then go into some particulars.
I don't remember how I had to turn in shit in the USA but I remember it all took place at the facility and was not a big deal. And I was absolutely not scraping my shit into a small cheap sample jar with a plastic knife left over from one of the take outs.
Not a great morning.
And the sample jar did not have a lot to show for it, thus proving my body works against me any chance it can get. This is why I like punishing it with alcohol and an occasional Q-Tip into the brain.
At the facility I also gave blood.
There was a ton of work for a small sample, but as soon as I left the facility, I found myself rushing to a bathroom in the mall where suddenly UGGG. Complete with all those sound effects.
Then again on the way home he tried for another performance but I managed to get the 4.5KM home (I walked from the testing facility for some odd reason) before a repeat performance.
Thanks body.
After that was spent lying in bed aside from typing out this.
More will happen tomorrow and I'll write about it then. Some of the blood tests will be done (we hope) before I see the doctor tomorrow so we'll see what happens.
Total cost for two blood tests and one feces test: About $40/36EUR/31GBP/56AUD.
(It's fun to think that with the exception of AUD I use all of those currencies regularly. I do hope to visit Oz some day.)
The next day...
You guys are lucky to be able to read it like this. I had to wait around to the next day to actually come.
Anyway.
Sergey and Rox showed up, we went to a pretty typical Eastern European hospital. Lots of different corridors with offices built in the most depressing style possible. While the west calls it 'brutalist architecture', Sergey tells me that here it is called 'Social Realism'. Funny and depressing.
Paid some money, got an MRI. I asked the lady if my baby would be OK or not.
Not sure how much Sergey translated. It is probably best that he does not translate all of the random crap I say.
Anyway, they found a 1mm gall stone.
It's bad but how bad? The doctor was saying 50/50 a lot when we consulted with him later and prescribed a couple very expensive medicines I should take.
I asked how much he thought the surgery would be and he estimated around $220 - but I couldn't get it here because I would be flying back to the UK soon. Plus, there is a fear of doing the surgery here because having a foreigner die on your operating table seems to freak them out. So I'm stuck. If they had said "Give us a couple hundred dollars and hop up on this table" I'd have said "Let's do this." But no. The changes in air pressure and fear of operating on foreigners - they advised I 'wait and see'.
So I may have to have a surgery in the UK. If they'll do it. I'll go consult with a doctor to see what is happening.
But according to Sergey - who was doing the translating and talked to me afterward - the doctor seemed to flip flop a lot in what he was suggesting. Sergey suggested he might be a shit doctor and advised me to get it checked out in the UK.
So it's looking like I will have to do that. Google says there is a UK hospital 3KM from where I live so I'll walk my fat ass over there and see how it would work to get treated there. Does this thing really need to come out? Will it solve itself?
There are some absolutely horrifying signs I can watch for to see - I am told - that bad things are now happening.
Itchy skin.
My eyes turn yellow.
My skin turns yellow and I become Homer Simpson. D'oh.
That is terrifying. Especially if I start acting like Homer.
The doctor of course said "You will have to change your eating habits..."
I smiled and whispered "I don't think that will happen."
Doctor: "And you should lose a lot of weight."
Logan: "It is obvious I lack the willpower to do that."
Doctor: (Said some other stuff).
Logan: (Pondering to himself: I wonder if alcohol will affect this? Hum.)
Poor Sergey was distraught with my cavalier attitude toward possible impending death.
"I've had a remarkable run." I told him. This did not reassure him for some reason.
So we'll see what happens.
Total cost:
Consulting with a doctor
Having an ultrasound
Getting double the dosage of some freaky expensive medicine
Total: About $100.
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