Poland and the fumbled research roll

Before I started traveling, I watched a LOT of stuff on traveling.  You know what always bothered me about the professional travelers?

They never fucked up completely.  A bone headed jarringly stupid thing. 

At least none they'd admit to on their slick sites and such.

That's where I am different. 

A lot of people out there think "Oh, I can't travel - it's hard".  After reading this, you'll say "If HE can do it..."   Actually, you might be thinking "How is he still alive?"

And that is true.  Both parts.  You too can travel if you choose to and yes, at the time of this writing I am still alive.  (If found to be dead, please drink some alcohol and 'cheers' my bloated corpse.)


So here's what happened.


Before coming to Poland, I'd booked a place for a three day stay.  Figured I could stay there, scope out the city and then - after I'd figured stuff out a bit - more to a better place.

Unfortunately, I didn't check the small box stating that my building had to have an elevator in it. 

It was up on the fourth or fifth (or higher?) floor.  And it was those kind of stairs that go all the way around in a box due to the high ceilings.

Had the night porter not come down when I was dying on the second floor, grabbed my bag and humped it up to the top, I'd have turned around, gone and gotten a hotel (any hotel) and stayed there instead.

As it was, I barely made it to the top of how ever many flights of stairs and took two breaks doing it.

So now I've got a problem. 

A different problem than being fat and hideously out of shape I mean.

I'd not eaten all day and it was night time.

Working with the night porter (whose English was limited) I got a pizza and two liter of soda delivered.  When they came they weren't exactly what I wanted but close enough.  I knew that once I went down those stairs there was no more going up them.


The next day, I had one more piece of the pizza and did my best to do some research for a better place to stay.

Found a place on Airbnb.  Checked the map of Krakow (where I was) and it looked fine.

Had to pay the entire price up front. 

Since the crazy time known as 'May Day' - May first - seems to be a thing here as well I decided to book a place from today (7 Apr) till 7 May.  That way, hopefully everyone who was clogging up the hotels with wanting to be on holiday would have buggered off by then and returned 'from whence they came'.

Since it was AirBnB, you have to pay the whole thing up front (about $1200) and their draconian return policy says that if you cancel, you don't get the first month back.  Ie, the whole thing.

Contact an Uber, have him take me there.

When we get there, rather than the nifty hotel I was expecting, it was a house.  A house with an unlocked and easy to open front door I discovered when I knocked.  I quickly closed it again because I didn't want them to think some fat foreigner was there to steal their food.

Which was tempting, I admit.

It was time to call the number.

My uber driver was happy to do that - and discovered...

They were in a different town.

Three plus hours away different town.

WTF.

Somehow, my search for places in Krakow had given me results in Wroclaw.


So now, I have a choice. 

I can either get on the phone with AirBnB and argue against their draconian refunds policies for an unknown amount of time or say 'fuck it' and go to Wroclaw.

After finding out the taxi driver wanted to charge me about $100 to get there, I decided to take the train.  Second class was $11, first class was $22.

Decided to take first class because nothing else was going right today and I wanted to have at least one nice thing.

Met a nice Polish lady who had been living in the UK for 15 years working for British Airways.  Had a two hour conversation with her.  Also met a nice yoga instructor lady but she got kicked out because she was suppose to be in second class.  Pity.

So now, I am in Wroclaw.


The apartment isn't bad.  Questionable if it is worth $1200 per month or not but it's comfortable and very close to the city center.

More later!

Surgery! (Warning - after surgery pictures)

LOGAN GETS SOME SURGERY

Note - I'm trying to type this while it is fresh in my mind.  That means I am actually a bit dizzy and out of sorts (more on that later) but you will get it 'fresh'.

First of all Sergey & Roksana Panashchuk.  I cannot praise these people highly enough.  They went way the hell out of their way to help me out.  Calling taxis, looking for doctors, coming in to see the doctor, all that stuff.  Loads of work.    And not just for the hospital - pretty much my entire fucking stay in Ukraine.  Wow.

Stick little hearts around their names.  They are amazing people.  Simply amazing.

Without them I'm not sure where I'd be or how I'd be.

I would also like to give a special thank you to Julie J.  She is an actual nurse in the states.  I'll tell you, anything she tells me I pay attention to.  And she is happy to give me some advice to keep me alive.  Shower her with small dragon figurines!  Not the really pointy ones - just place those nearby.



DISCLAIMER!

There is nothing worse than some old fucker telling you about what all is wrong with them.  Getting their surgery and all that shit.  Nobody cares.  So why am I telling people?  Because any time I do, it seems that more people want to know about it.

This could be for several reasons including:

"Die, Logan, die!"
Want to find out what health care is like in other countries.
Enjoy the suffering of Logan
My audience is comprised partially of actual ghouls (Pickman's Model style)

So I am going into detail.  Otherwise, I'd just say "Had my gall bladder pulled out, feeling shaky" and move on.  If that's all the detail you need, I'd just close this entry and wait for the next blog, honestly.

I am always careful about giving this disclaimer as about two to three minutes after someone begins telling me about any sort of medical procedure I had not specifically asked to hear about, I begin rooting for the Grim Reaper.

"Please come kill this boring person!"

EXPLANATION

Sharp eyed readers may notice that some of the worlds are highlighted.  This is to make it easier for people who English is not their first (or fifth, whatever) language to be able to understand some of the more obscure terms I use.



WARNING

This blog contains some pictures which may make the reader projectile vomit onto their computer screen.  Read at your own discretion. 



PREQUEL

For the last couple months, I'd been having some nasty diarrhea.   Long time fans of the blog will know that is about as common as me going to a new country.  However, this was a lot more persistent. 

After a couple months, it was time to go in to see the doctor.



FIRST THE PRICES

Wanted to get these out of the way instead of holding them behind my back like a lame magician.

I forget exactly what the doctor (with all the tests) cost but it was under a hundred.  In fact, all of this stuff I'm going to write about totals out to under $500 USD.  For those from the USA, that amount of money is amazingly low, for those from what I personally consider more civilized countries (those with universal health care - just my opinion) will think that amount is 'crazy high'.

Also, yes, this was after haggling down.   It was about $60 less plus I got meds and tests thrown in for free instead of ala cart.  The actual price for just the surgery was 10,000 UAH for stay and surgery plus 1,000 UAH as a bribe (yes, really, not kidding) to the head of the department.  Because I am familiar with bribery (and have done it quite often for very minor things) I didn't do the 'indignant foreigner' thing.  I just said "So instead of the initial 15,000 UAH, we're down to 11,000 UAH?  Deal."  Always, always, always haggle.  (If you are bad at it or embarrassed to do it, either be rich or have friends with you that can do it.)

I did also try to haggle for a solo room.  Was told they didn't have any.  Got a solo room anyway.  Two beds in it but putting other people with 'the foreigner' doesn't fly with them.



ANALYSIS OF THE PROBLEM

Step one, Sergey and Roksana (after doing a bunch of research) found a close by hospital.  We went in there and they did an ultrasound. 

I asked if my baby was going to be OK.

Turns out no.

There was a 1mm big stone in there.  Until I saw it when they yanked it out, I didn't think that was that big.  Now, I think 'holy crap'.

Sergey distrusted this doctor.  He thought he was along the 'smile but don't help you' as opposed to 'gruff but helps you' type.  They only have those two different types here.  Nobody who is nice can help you, I guess?

Plus, this doctor did NOT want to operate on me.  He wanted me to wait till I got to the UK.  Operating on foreigners here - risky.  He was not up for it.


A couple days later, the pain and shitting had increased.  According to the internet 'chronic diarrhea' is crapping three times a day.  So I have triple chronic or some shit.


So Sergey and Roksana went back to researching even calling the landlord of the place I am renting.  When I asked "Oh god, why?" it is because he has contacts.  Old people have more contacts.  Apparently he (might) know someone at the State Hospital.  They operate on foreigners there.

Disclaimer:  I'm not sure if I was the first or if a foreigner had ever been operated on there.  Nobody mentioned it and usually people love to tell me about things like that. 

The hospital is actually older than Logan so in another forty years, it will be (according to American standards) an antique. 

Reminds me a bit of a school I went to in the 70's.

If the one working elevator breaks, you are fucked.

Grab a rack!  Note that an hour afterward, I got moved to a different room.

No, this is not for 'fun time'.  These beds do not go up or down - or even really move.  So if you want to pull your ass up into a sitting position, here's yer rope!

WHAT TO BRING TO THE HOSPITAL

Fucking everything.  The only thing you should really expect the hospital to supply is 'some of the stuff they will use for the surgery and that's about it'.  Towels?  Soap?  Toilet paper after you've been given a mixture guaranteed to make you shit out literally everything inside of you?  NO.  (Though in my case the surgeon was actually super nice and went and got me some.)

Where are you suppose to get all of this shit?

Unlike in many people in the USA where people have moved well the hell away from their family or are unmarried and such, the family unit in Eastern Europe is a huge deal.  The family is expected to bring all this stuff.  In some hospitals they may even have to feed their relatives.  When this happened to me back in Republic of Georgia, one of the nurses was kind enough to take some of my money out to get some horrible food for me at the market.

Gruel.  No, I have no idea what was in it.  Yes, of course I ate it.

Note that if you have special dietary concerns, you will have to pretty much bring all your own food.  You may even be considered 'weird', 'picky' or 'extra delicate' if you are a vegan, vegetarian, etc.  You can try to get around this in some countries by claiming a religious insanity.  But in the hospital, honestly I'm not sure.  BYOF.





THE PEOPLE (STAFF, DOCTORS, ETC)

Except for one lady (just one) everyone else there was super nice to me.  Being a foreigner when you are well away from anything 'touristy' is big clout. 

Rather than trying to take advantage of it (yes, locals haggle as well) I try to pay for their kindness by making them laugh and trying to entertain them just a little bit.  Their jobs are hard, icky and pay for shit here.  So I try to give them at least a smile for the day.


WHO SPOKE ENGLISH?

Well, after Sergey & Roksana had to leave (these guys work hard for their money and put a lot of hours into it) it suddenly turned out that the surgeon's English was 'just fine'. 

This is part of an infuriating problem I've seen in loads of countries.  Unless someone speaks 'perfect' English (or thinks they do) they are super reluctant to speak any.  Hell, I know 20-30 works of Russian and I use those daily.  And I am often told I mispronounce some of them. 

Once you slaughter their language enough, I find that either the people begin to feel they're not going to be made fools of for some piffling grammatical error or they want revenge for what you did to their language.  Either way, with about half of the people you can eventually get them to work with you.



GOOGLE TRANSLATE

But google translate really kicked ass.

Tips for using Google translate in the real world:

     Short statements only.  For some reason, the longer your statement is (even if comprised of different sentences) the more crazy the translation gets.  No idea why this is.

     Simple statements only.  Try to say it in such a way that it cannot be misunderstood.

     No catch phrases or sarcasm.  Blunt and direct only.


And other patients got press ganged into translating.  I tried to make up for it by later going into their room, chatting with them.  It ended up being a whole bunch of staff in there as I was telling a funny story.  Not nearly as cool as the scene from the movie 'What About Bob' but Bill Murray I am not.



THE REAL COST

I'm sure a lot of people out there would say "I would never want to get X surgery outside of the USA!"

How much money is just the surgery worth to you?
How much to be able to understand doctors and nurses with more accuracy?
How much for a very nice looking hospital room?

Is it worth tens of thousands of dollars?  Bankruptcy? 

To some people, perhaps.  To me, that's 'crazy talk'.  I try to stick with what I can actually afford.


AND NOW, THE PICTURES

I buried them down here so that nobody would accidentally see them.  You really have to want to see this stuff if you're scrolling down this far.

They don't have 'straws' at this hospital.  They found a way around it.

I felt a bit sorry for the nurse that had to shave my belly.  It was hairy - and vast.

After I checked in and paid (gots to pay first!), the surgeon went out and bought this.  "What is that?" Logan asked.  "Everything needed for your surgery." he said and left it in my room.  Wow.

So I'm just laying there in the bed and all the sudden four nurses come charging in with some sort of 1940's type of machine with sucker cups on it.  I have NO idea what is going on.  They stick them to me.  I convince them to take a photo of me.  They do.  Then, they take all the stuff and leave.  I'm sure the machine did something useful - I just don't know what.  Or care.  The photo is enough.

Of all the weird painful shit that happened, this was the one that initially scared me the most.  I've been told (by the wise Sergey) that basically this translates into a request for them to do surgery on me.  CYOA.

A couple of the wonderful staff that work there.  The taller one began pulling out what looked like hand made boxes which I immediately took pictures of.  Turns out she was trying to sell these.  Because men do not typically use/need/want/understand such things, I totally missed that, said "Lovely - I will take some pictures of them." and did so.  Here they are:

I think this may be a rather clever sewing box.  If I had a TARDIS and infinite cash, I might have lots of weird stuff in there.



AND NOW, THE GROSS SHIT

They had me walk into the operating room wearing only a T-shirt.  No underwear.  Bit awkward but I remembered the wise words of many nurses before "You have nothing we've not seen hundreds of times."  Which is true.  The above is a great example why when they tell you that you should keep your shirt on you should say "Fuck that!"  Funny fact - this is my Miskatonic University shirt - so now it has just a bit more horror.

Most painful memory within this hospital - I was actually fighting against the nurses when I first came out of the operating room.  Not really a conscious decision - I was just in blinding pain.  I was trying to lie on my side hoping it would decrease it.  All of them managed to hold me down.  Bad times.  Was that the most physical pain I'd ever been in?  Not sure - top ten for sure.

And now, the slow ramp up of 'stuff Logan found had been done to him while he was unconscious'.

I don't know (or particularly care) what all these tubes were for.

Finding this big ass thing, partially filled with blood is now hanging off you - not good.

And bigger!

And THIS was what it was all about.  Photographed next to an aspirin.  I really thought it would be the shape and size of a rattlesnake's tail.  Especially given what it felt like.  Is this the whole thing or just the stone?  I have no idea.

HOW DID I LEAVE THE HOSPITAL?

Honestly, I pretty much just walked out.  The doctor had told me the day before that the next day I'd be checking out.  And then he disappeared.  

No information on how to not catch an infection, what to do with my bandages, etc.

After being told I'd be discharged 'in the morning' and waiting till close to four PM, I asked the nurses if I needed any anti-biotics (etc) - they said no, I left.  No paperwork, etc.  Totally different than most hospitals.

They did ask if I was going to take the unused needles and chemicals.  The ones that I had no idea what they were for, how to use them, etc.  No.  I'll do a follow up visit here in five days then maybe another follow up when I get to the UK.

AND THE KICKER

On my way out, I ran into (not literally) an ancient guy who was there getting something else out.  He showed it to me.  It was way cooler and scarier looking than whatever the hell they pulled out of me.  I have no idea why this hospital sends people home with shit that came out of them but they do!

AND AFTER I GOT HOME

More fuckery.   (Yes, my friends this is a real word!) 

I felt like I was going to pass out.  Nearly shit myself.  Slammed my fingers in a door on accident.  Had gone in the hard rain to the store a three blocks away.  Told a guy I needed plastic wrap.  He pointed out paper wrap that looked just like fucking plastic wrap.

пластик plastik - Russian
пластик plastyk - Ukrainian

Note - it sounds the same.  Hence, I now think the guy I asked - who works there - may be a bit dim.  Ah well. 

Since I was given no information about what to do with my bandaged wounds and apparently buying plastic wrap to cover them is not possible (who the fuck uses paper to cover their food?) I chopped up a shopping bag and used some tape I'd liberated (took) from the hospital.  The tape was part of my 'bag of shit' so all good.



IN CONCLUSION

Yes, it was a bit of suffering.  Yes, it did feel a bit like 'Doctor Nick' as Joseph O. pointed out on Facebook.  But I could afford it.  And I'm happy to have survived.

LOGAN VISITS THE DOCTOR

RANDOM SHIT IN UKRAINE


Went with my buddies in Ukraine to buy a cheap chair today.

The chairs that came with the place I am renting - not comfortable.  The mind can only absorb what the ass can endure or some such.  My ass was unhappy.

So we went to the mall.

It's a nice two story deal that has customers unlike in the USA where they are mostly dead due to Amazon.

Anyway,

The people in Ukraine are not that 'expressive' to people they don't know.  I suspect this is because of the 'bad ole days' (USSR) when if you looked happy it meant you had gotten a new refrigerator from the KGB for informing on your former neighbor or some such.

So when people working in stores see me 'being Logan' they either stare like 'I think he may actually be crazy' or try to keep from cracking up and try to hide it.

But I've studied Paul Ekman so I know.

The poor ladies at the furniture store. 

But, my clowning around often has a positive effect.  People admitting they speak some (or even good) English.

Being able to not take myself at all seriously helps others to open up, just a bit.

Another interesting thing - taxis here show the same attitudes people had toward seat belts in the 1970's (to the best of my recollection).  When I start putting them on, they often say (in Ukrainian or Russian) things like "You don't need that" and "Why are you putting that on" or "What are you doing?  Don't do that!" to which I respond (in English because I'm not that slick) "Hey, I've seen how they drive here.  I'm going to go for that 'double chance to live' thanks."

Turned out our taxi driver spoke a bit of German today.  That was a nice surprise so we did a bit of chatting.



UKRAINE UPDATE (posted to Logan's Voyage Facebook page 3 JUL 18)

I've fallen into a daily rhythm living in this small town in Ukraine.

Every day, I wake up (a needed step), putter around for a bit on the computer then go out for my walk and to get some food.   Get stared at by unsmiling locals who think I may be mad.  In many of the countries once ruled by Russia, smiling is not done outside of friends and family.  Also, the locals might be right.  I've found that (like with many countries) the locals may just be a bit freaked out because they don't get many tourists here.  When you start talking to them they are fine.  So don't take the looks you get while wandering around personally - just chalk it up to culture.  Remember - Russia had to try to teach it's people to smile at others (and not beat up too many gays) for the big month long football thing they had.  Cultural difference.

Come back, shower up, write.  Eventually, dinner comes from an excellent service, MisterAM (https://misteram.com.ua/chernigov)  Which is great because they can bring food from loads of different restaurants.

How do I feel about Ukrainian food?  If you were to put all of the food from all of the countries in a line with one side being great and the other Moldovia, Ukraine food would be somewhere in the middle.  I am not a fan but it keeps my belly full.

Eventually, give up writing and switch to drinking and watching movies or youtube until I go to sleep.  Maybe play some video games.

Once a week I meet up with my good friends - a married couple who live in this town.  We go to the mall so they can buy needed food and I can buy junk food.  I don't cook or want to.

That's about it. 

In a bit less than a month, I will be back in England running the table top RPG which is made into a podcast (https://anchor.fm/ataw for those interested) as well as on youtube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2TZucbqPpz9Bx8rz57Wbmg/playlists) 

After three months of that, I will find somewhere to go hang out for the winter time.  It will either be in economically fucked Greece or perhaps the south of France.  I'm done with northern Africa and don't want to return to Asia yet again for a long while.

That's my update!



YET MORE RANDOM (LITERAL) SHIT IN UKRAINE

This is the headline hospital story.  For some reason (bastards) I can't understand, tales of Logan's pain and suffering top the charts.  Otherwise, I wouldn't bother telling people about my various physical ailments.  It's something old people love to do  - they don't have much else going on - but nobody cares.

Except apparently people reading this blog.  Watching Logan suffer is like a public execution.  Good clean fun for the whole family.

Warning!


This post deals with horribly disgusting stuff.  If you are offended by such things - well, it's a minor miracle you read this blog at all for starters. 


But this is pretty gross. 


Turn away now.


Still with me?


Right - you've been warned off but yet you are still here.


For the last two or three weeks, my belly has been making increasing loud noises.  Painful gas and my shit has been the combination of a soft serve ice cream server with a high pressure air hose.

That mental imagery is now stuck in you mind.  The next time you have anything remotely resembling that sort of bowel movement, you will think of the ice cream being blasted by an air hose.

It's a thing of beauty and horror.  But mostly horror.  Well, not much in the way of beauty. 

Let's start with a good quote:

Movie:  Formula 51 quote from Shirley DeSouza: "Well, shit in a bag and punch it!"

That's where this story starts out.

Logan attempting to shit into a bag.

I've got some very good Ukrainian friends here - Sergey and Roksana.  They help me out a lot when I come to Ukraine.  This time in particular.  They were the ones that helped me find a place to stay - even did the equivalent of co-signing for me since the landlords were freaked out to have some short stay non-Ukrainian speaking foreigner rent their house.

Way beyond the call of duty.  Amazing people.

So Roksana had gone out and bought me a 'collect your own shit and put it into this small tube' thing from the pharmacy.  I expressed surprise, then concern when I saw it. 

Then the poor lady had to explain to me that 'in Ukraine, this is how it is done' then go into some particulars.

I don't remember how I had to turn in shit in the USA but I remember it all took place at the facility and was not a big deal.  And I was absolutely not scraping my shit into a small cheap sample jar with a plastic knife left over from one of the take outs.

Not a great morning.

And the sample jar did not have a lot to show for it, thus proving my body works against me any chance it can get.  This is why I like punishing it with alcohol and an occasional Q-Tip into the brain.

At the facility I also gave blood.

There was a ton of work for a small sample, but as soon as I left the facility, I found myself rushing to a bathroom in the mall where suddenly UGGG.  Complete with all those sound effects. 

Then again on the way home he tried for another performance but I managed to get the 4.5KM home (I walked from the testing facility for some odd reason) before a repeat performance.

Thanks body.

After that was spent lying in bed aside from typing out this. 

More will happen tomorrow and I'll write about it then.  Some of the blood tests will be done (we hope) before I see the doctor tomorrow so we'll see what happens.

Total cost for two blood tests and one feces test:  About $40/36EUR/31GBP/56AUD.

(It's fun to think that with the exception of AUD I use all of those currencies regularly.  I do hope to visit Oz some day.)

The next day...

You guys are lucky to be able to read it like this.  I had to wait around to the next day to actually come.

Anyway.

Sergey and Rox showed up, we went to a pretty typical Eastern European hospital.  Lots of different corridors with offices built in the most depressing style possible.  While the west calls it 'brutalist architecture', Sergey tells me that here it is called 'Social Realism'.  Funny and depressing.

Paid some money, got an MRI.  I asked the lady if my baby would be OK or not.

Not sure how much Sergey translated.   It is probably best that he does not translate all of the random crap I say.

Anyway, they found a 1mm gall stone.

It's bad but how bad?  The doctor was saying 50/50 a lot when we consulted with him later and prescribed a couple very expensive medicines I should take. 

I asked how much he thought the surgery would be and he estimated around $220 - but I couldn't get it here because I would be flying back to the UK soon.    Plus, there is a fear of doing the surgery here because having a foreigner die on your operating table seems to freak them out.  So I'm stuck.  If they had said "Give us a couple hundred dollars and hop up on this table" I'd have said "Let's do this."  But no.  The changes in air pressure and fear of operating on foreigners - they advised I 'wait and see'.

So I may have to have a surgery in the UK.  If they'll do it.   I'll go consult with a doctor to see what is happening.

But according to Sergey - who was doing the translating and talked to me afterward - the doctor seemed to flip flop a lot in what he was suggesting.  Sergey suggested he might be a shit doctor and advised me to get it checked out in the UK.

So it's looking like I will have to do that.  Google says there is a UK hospital 3KM from where I live so I'll walk my fat ass over there and see how it would work to get treated there.  Does this thing really need to come out?  Will it solve itself?

There are some absolutely horrifying signs I can watch for to see - I am told - that bad things are now happening. 

Itchy skin.
My eyes turn yellow.
My skin turns yellow and I become Homer Simpson.  D'oh.

That is terrifying.  Especially if I start acting like Homer.

The doctor of course said "You will have to change your eating habits..."

I smiled and whispered "I don't think that will happen."

Doctor:  "And you should lose a lot of weight."

Logan:  "It is obvious I lack the willpower to do that."

Doctor:  (Said some other stuff).

Logan:  (Pondering to himself:  I wonder if alcohol will affect this?  Hum.)

Poor Sergey was distraught with my cavalier attitude toward possible impending death.

"I've had a remarkable run." I told him.  This did not reassure him for some reason.

So we'll see what happens. 


Total cost:

Consulting with a doctor
Having an ultrasound
Getting double the dosage of some freaky expensive medicine

Total:  About $100.

Back in Kiev

AND OVER TO UKRAINE

I wasn't feeling particularly good on the day I left.  Upset stomach and all of that.

The people on British Airways were kind enough to let me destroy the first class restroom.  I've never been a fan of contortions but fat people on airlines...

Arrived in Kiev, Ukraine.  It was about then I realized I'd totally forgotten to research to find out where to go.

Just touched down in a city - no schedule, no hotel reservations.  What would you do? 

I said 'Fuck it'.  Go with the flow.

Went to the information desk.  "What's the bus into the city?" 

"Bus three two two."  She had me repeat it to make sure I got it.  Went outside and asked around.  Found the bus.  It had no numbers on it and nobody knew what I was talking about.  "City?"  Da.  Cool.

Got on it.

Always ignore or politely get rid of any taxi drivers within the airport unless you are in really unusual circumstances.  They are there to rip you off.  Since I'd arrived during normal business hours (close to noon, two PM something like that) the bus was fine.

Got on it, paid my $4 and sat back to see where I'd end up. 

Main train station.  My escape.  Cool.

While there, I picked up a Ukraine sim card.  It was cheap enough that I've already forgotten how much it costs.  Now I have internet, ho ho ho.

Looked up a hostel, found one that looked pretty good just a few blocks from the train station.  Drug my baggage over there and - it's closed down awhile ago.  Just nothing to change it on the internet.  Questioned the locals, even talked to the lady who bought the place.  My Russian still sucks horribly but I am starting to remember what little I know of it.

Hostels are often fly by night places.

Eventually, I found a place that offered a really horrible shared room for $4 and a solo room that you couldn't open the door all the way for $12 and a larger miserable room that had it's own bathroom and stank for $22.  After staying there for a night, I determined that it would not do to stay there for a week or ten days while the US Embassy worked out my passport woes.

Went exploring early the next morning.  Never book a place for multiple nights when you first get somewhere if you have time - get up early and try to upgrade your situation.

Checked out a chain (Ibis) which wanted $70 to $90 per night.  In Ukraine.  Crazy, crazy.

Went to a fancy hotel and bargained the price down to $34.  It's more than I can really afford (price started at $50 and it is 'high season') and eventually I may move to a place Sergey suggests well away from the city center which costs $23, but for right now, this will do. 

So on day two I got a $4 taxi out to the embassy - which was closed.

I'd forgotten the second biggest holiday in all Slavic countries, May Day.

Those who watched old footage of the Cold War (which I lived through and even worked in) will recall big military parades when missiles would replace the Soviet leader's penis and be rolled out for inspection.  That May Day.

Still a big thing, apparently.

Well, shit.

So now it is Monday.  I have been told to try back on Wednesday.  Maybe they will be open and back then.  Cool.

I hate staying at expensive places and I'm not much into Kiev either.  Looking forward to visiting my friends here then GTFO back to Lviv and then checking out Uzhhorod. 

In conclusion, it is possible to land on your feet traveling by the seat of your pants - but the more expensive of country you are in the riskier it is.  I would  never do this in an expensive country.




TTRPG OLD WAR STORY

One of the stories I like to tell is about a newbie vampire (not a bright player at all) who shifted into a wolf - and fumbled the roll.

Me: "Good news and bad news - you've shifted into a wolf but you're stuck like that for the adventure."

Him: "No problem!"

And it wasn't - until he came up with what he thought was a brilliant idea and wanted desperately to communicate it to the rest of the party.

Party: "What's the matter, boy? Is little Timmy trapped down the well?"

Him: "I want to write with a stick in my mouth!"

Me: "Tell you what - you're in a super unfamiliar form. It's really awkward for you. But I'll make you a deal. You can stick a pencil in your mouth and write in the dirt outside. If any of the players can read it, then your character can seamlessly communicate."

The other players were of no help, rolling in laughter and suggesting the wolf try 'interpretative dance' to communicate. No - the stick didn't work.





OLD EGYPT STORY

Desert story.  OK - this is a real life story (maybe it can be used in a game) that happened to me back in the early 90's. 

I was in Egypt with two fellow travelers.  Two of us had decided that the anal ways of the third traveler were getting to us and if he died, we were strangely comfortable with that.

At that time (maybe now, didn't try last time I was in Egypt) it was possible to ride horses in the literal shadow of the pyramids.

The guy renting the horses asked us about our horse riding skill.  I told him I'd ridden a bit - while no expert I was comfortable on a horse.  My friend Mustafa had never ridden before but was agile.  The other guy we were thinking about maybe killing (I hadn't mellowed back then) Hunter claimed to be a 'great rider'. 

So we got on the horses and were ambling along.  Mustafa seemed comfortable and he asked the guy in Arabic (he was fluent) if it were possible to make the horses go faster.

The horse master renter guy had a stick with a bit of string tied to it and a knot on the end of the string.  He flicked it and I swear, it sounded like a gunshot.  No idea how.

Suddenly, the horses were at a full gallop.  I enjoyed it (fuck cantor, walk or gallop are the only good speeds) - Mustafa had his arms spread way too wide clutching the reins but seemed to be doing fine.

Hunter was obviously uncomfortable at this speed.   He attempted to slow down the horse by giving it plenty of reign, moving his weight a bit forward, lowering his head and lifting his rump.  In short, things a jockey wanting to win the Kentucky Derby might.

Mustafa and I both began chanting 'die' as Hunter's saddle began to be displaced with the weight as Hunter began to slide off the right of his horse.  Big,  head sized rocks zipped by.  Eventually, the horse became so overbalanced with the 'great rider' it had to slow down.

Mustafa and I were both disappointed.  At that point, Hunter decided that traveling by himself to a different continent might be better.  Everyone was happy.

SUPERFLUOUS THAILAND VISITATION

SUPERFLUOUS

Yeah.  Got to use that shit in a title.  And it meant what I wanted.  Suck it, Pulitzer prize committee.



SE ASIA 'CLOCK'
These are Logan's observations.  While I have had some other travelers agree with them (or at least think they were humorous) you may have your own ideas on these.  Good.  Here are mine:


Sunrise minus 2 till sunrise: The only people up at this time are generally tourists dumb enough to think that something is more special at sunrise. Or want to be able to brag to people they saw x at sunrise.

Sunrise till ten: If you enjoy seeing closed shops, this is the time to wander around. Most shit you want to see and do is closed.

Ten till sundown: Some stuff open, a lot of people on siesta. They don't call it that here but avoiding the big angry orb in the sky is smart.

Sundown till sundown plus three: This is the time to go and see and do everything. Hell, a lot of stuff doesn't open till this time.

Ten till midnight: Sensible drinking at nice places.

Midnight till four: Poor choices, increased chance of bad shit.

Four till sunrise: Only the truly desperate are out and about.



PHARMACY ADVENTURES

In Thailand, they have either tuk tuks (see 'pro tip' below!) or 'meter taxi'.  As I've probably said in the past, both are often  (usually?) staffed by insistent beggars and rip off artists.  Especially the ones parked around tourist areas.  After being told they wanted to charge me five to ten times what the journey should cost and hell no they won't use the meter I decided to instead catch the water taxi to the hospital.  It is on the opposite side of the river near Khao San Road.

For those not in the know, Khao San Road ("Co like 'cope'" and sometimes spelled Khaosan Road because 'reasons') is the fluffy bunny tourist area.  If you aren't here for whoring or getting your perverted fix, this is the place.  Family friendly and all.

Since this is the tourist spot, the prices are a lot higher than other places.  I asked where to get medicine (as it is restocking time) and was told to go to the hospital - they have many pharmacies near there.

I chatted with various Thais when I made it across the river taxi (step lively or die horribly) and was directed to one.

A fellow customer told me I was very lucky to be at this particular pharmacy as it is the cheapest one in Bangkok.  I told her I was freakishly lucky.  Four different medicines for a year, about $100 to $125.  They were only missing one.  Since I will eventually be back to Bangkok (possibly to meet a friend as well as catch my eventual plane back to Jolly Ole England) I may end up swinging back by there to get the missing medicine if I can't find it in Cambodia.

Buying in bulk raised some eyebrows.  I was asked if I would be taking it back to my home country, maybe reselling it, etc.  Note that they were still going to sell it to me - they were either just curious or were looking to get cut in on the deal.  After assuring them it was all for me for the next year and that I had no home they gave up on that line of questioning.

So I got most of the medicine I need.  Hopefully, I can get the rest at some point soon and not have to worry about it for another year.

What is shocking is that the meds cost less on the open market here than I'd have to pay with the VA (Veteran's Affairs) office footing most of the bill in the USA.  Folks get mighty ripped off there for some rich people's stock prices.

Cambodia note on pharmacies:  The ones in Cambodia seem a bit grittier and it is a fucking epic quest to find something.  Seriously, you may end up wandering to eight different shops to find one thing you need.  While this isn't bad if you are a fat fuck and need to either eat less or burn more calories and fucked if you're eating any less sooooooo....



PRO TIP

I've come across this when dealing with people who have never been in SE Asia.  "Tuk tuk" is pronounced 'took took' - like "I took your pudding."  No idea why it is spelled the way it is.

No idea why it is said this way but book readers sound like idiots when they mispronounce it.  Because drivers are constantly trying to get you into one by stating what it is, anyone spending more than an hour here has heard the correct way of saying it at least a dozen times.  And probably has developed some rage.



WHAT AM I DOING IN BANGKOK?

Heroic Cthulhu.

Recorded in London, England and put up on youtube.  Both audio only and audio with visual formats.

These are TTRPG's which have been recorded and people seem to enjoy watching or listening to.

Currently, I am working on the second season.



WHEN SUDDENLY

Through the magic of staggering out when I write this thing, I am suddenly now back in Siem Reap Cambodia because well, fuck Bangkok.  I've really been there too much.  For like $8 a night I was staying in a pretty miserable room with a fan.  For $13 a night I now have AC and a mini fridge and the room looks really nice. 

And beer is cheaper than water (at restaurants/bars).  Seriously.

The current price for beer is fifty cents.  If you buy a water at a store it is maybe thirty cents (Cambodia uses the US dollar as it's currency - yes, really) but at restaurants it is generally seventy five cents to a dollar.  It's nice to see that the price of beer (and rooms) haven't increased in the last seven years here.  I know I've not been making more money.

Siem Reap seems to me to be a bit more squalid and trashy than it was.  Not sure why that is.  I don't mind squalid and trashy - it's generally cheaper to live in places like that.  Wondering what is causing it here though.  Due to various physical ailments nobody else gives a fuck about (take a lesson old people) my walking has been cut down to about a third of what it was.   Plus breaking my foot twice.  By stepping on it.  Too fat for my own feet.  (Note - if you make a joke about the physical ailment, you might be able to get away with mentioning it but it had better be a fucking short joke you rambling old bastards!)

Now I'm staying at my favorite restaurant, 'Viva!' in Pub Street within the heart (there's not much else) of Siem Reap.  I'd often seen signs advertising the place for $20 per night and figured I'd treat myself for a night while I looked for  something more affordable.  Haggling got the price down.  If you can't haggle, learn to be rich instead!

The manager of Viva! even gave me a card for 15% off of the food (in perpetuity) since I'd been a customer here for years.   Though grateful, I was thinking "It is NOT easy to get one of these fucking cards!" 



RAINY SEASON VS DRY SEASON

A lot of people hear 'rainy season' and say 'eek' because they think they're made of sugar.  While I don't recommend wandering around in SE Asia's rain (you'll probably get sick - a lot of things here can make you sick) it normally does not rain all day.  It normally rains for an hour or two then it's done.  And the temperature is much cooler.  Of course you then have to deal with tons of standing water (they are not good at making roads or sidewalks or gutters here) and 'squirt stones'.  Long time readers of the blog will remember those are the loose pieces of sidewalk that get water trapped under them.  You step on them with one foot and dirty water squirts onto your other shoe, leg, friend, etc.  That's what I call them anyway and they are fairly prevalent.

Right now (NOV) it is on the cusp of the two seasons - the only two they have.   The rainy season is ending and the dry season beginning.  Neat.

It's great that I've managed to procure lodging now and will be paying in advance because the great 'wander around' time for the ordinary person (New Years) approaches.  They don't really do much for Christmas out here other than a few expats and it's not a holiday I care about.  Actually, none of them are (you people need an excuse to drink?  What's that all about?) except where it impacts travel.   New Years is a huge one.  Get your lodging early, pay in advance.  Don't go anywhere.  Hunker down.  Buy some provisions (alcohol, water, snacks) in advance so you don't have to worry about it.

Ensure your place is rented out for these holidays - preferably in advance - or you'll end up paying a premium for the week before and after.  Unless that country celebrates Christmas - then a week before Christmas till a week after New Years is premium time.  Plus, all of the transport will be crowded or possibly even sold out.

The next time I will need to travel won't be until February.  At that point I will head back to Bangkok, go to the airport then fly back to England.  And hang out there making Heroic Cthulhu season 2.



THAI TRANSLATION

'Sausage' = shitty hot dog.  Think one of the cheap ones in the bargain bin that rednecks turn up their noses at.

'Ham' = think about a piece of Oscar Mayer bologna, inexpertly heated up (ie part hot and part cold - somehow rather than just being lukewarm).

'Egg' =  the 'eggy' taste will be double or triple what you are probably use to.  Plan accordingly.

PRICES

(As of OCT/NOV 2017!)

Water taxi, 15 baht.  Note - make sure the boat is pointed in the direction you want to go.  They do NOT turn around.  (At least not where I was.)

Decent place to stay, nothing fancy but great internet, 300 baht.  (That's less than a cheap meal at a lower class English pub.  Really.)  Note that the internet in Viva (Cambodia) seems better.  Weird.

Beer - half a dollar.  Contrast with Thailand's three to four dollars for a beer and wonder why anyone fucking goes there to drink.

Within shops, you can get loads of different alcohols for around ten to twelve dollars per bottle.  [They do have wine here but there is way too much to know about wines to mess with them for nice wine.  I've not yet started mixing red and coke yet though that may happen in the future.  Or not - I have enough of that in England to keep me happy.  Also, they don't have any (that I've spotted) truly cheap (four or five dollars a bottle) wine here though I've not really been looking.  Most seems to be around twelve to fourteen dollars at a glance.]

Tuk Tuk (Cambodia) - for short rides if you're giving them over two dollars, you're horrible at this.  Seriously.

BACK IN SE ASIA

BACK IN SE ASIA

I arrived back in Thailand today and it is amazing how fast the old protocols were invoked.  I'm not sure when I was last in SE Asia but it doesn't seem like long ago.

After landing, I was out of sorts and needing a lie down.  Eleven hours or longer of sitting in a small seat is not a huge amount of fun.

The heat was like a crocodile attack.  Sudden and unexpected.  (Should have I expected it?  Yes.  The rational part of me did but...wow.)

Turns out that while I was gone, the old King of Thailand died.  Today was the end of the one year long death rites the country held for him.  I gave my condolences to a police inspector I met and he seemed pleased.

Since some members of the royal family were to drive by, all of the locals (and me) had to sit along the sides of the road.  Better than trying for everyone bowing.  Yeah, I got to have a cop help me to leverage my bulk up after it was over.  

Because they were having this big celebration, the normal bus that goes all the way to Kao San Road (main tourist place in Bangkok to stay) only went part way.  From there it was walking time.  About a kilometer and a half with all my shit.  During the noon day heat.  Yea.

Heatstroke has been suffered in the past so when it is approaching, I know the feelings and signs.  Did a few stops at 7-11's (best shop in Thailand) to re-hydrate.

Began to play the 'how much is this place' game.  It's a lot easier with a rolling suitcase though I miss the backpack a bit.

Eventually, found a place for 250 baht ($7.50) per night, shared bathroom and not a great place.  Staying here currently.  After getting the room, I took a cold shower in the communal bathroom then passed out for a few hours.

Midday naps are back.  

After I woke up, I wandered around playing the 'can I do better' game and picked up a liter and a half of water.  Eventually, found a place for $4 more per night that is loads less depressing and noisy.  We'll see how it sleeps.  Until I've stayed a night or two at a place, there is no final rating.

Although I didn't feel hungry, I went and found some vegetarian food to eat (spring rolls) and had a pineapple shake.  Total price, 150 b/$4.50 USD.

The protocols:

If you don't prepare (and give plenty of time for your body to adjust) for a big weather change, you will suffer.  Hydrating helps.

For 'adventure visiting' (no plans, just show up), find a place that will sleep 'for a night'.  A lot of BS can be put up with for one night.  Drop bags there, then go find a better place.   Remember that the only places that have much of an internet presence (at current) are the expensive ones.  The difference between the expensive and cheap places to stay is often 'the person running it knows how to advertise on the internet'.  And a bunch of money per night.

If you don't have a large bottle of water (make sure it is sealed when you buy it or suffer later) in your room, you will suffer.  Use this both to drink and brush your teeth.  Most people don't have horrible shit (literal) happen to them for using tap water.  Perhaps you won't either.  How many days of your carefully horded vacation time would you like to wager against saving thirty cents?  If you use the entire bottle to brush your teeth with.  (Hint:  You've done the hand motions for getting water out of the tap so many times it has become muscle memory.  Drop a cloth over the tap, balance the cap for the water on the tap or something to disrupt this process.)  [For those staying at really posh places, they may think the 'poshness' of their taps means the pipes the water comes from are also new and posh.  Again, would you like to bet on it?]

Go vegetarian for your first night in a place or eat something 'simple'.  Hopefully not American fast food.  Try to rise above that.

Don't forget to get a 'stupid card' from where you are staying.  This is what I call the business card of the hotel.  If you just want to remember the name, great but keep in mind that they don't have a lot of copyright laws here so if 'The Walden' is doing good, several other people may decide to name their place the Walden as well.  Yes, really.  Also, most people in the world seem to be absolute rubbish at making and reading maps.  Keep that in mind when you are looking at the handy map on the business card and wanting someone else to look at it as well.

More later!

WITH THANKS TO SHERLOCK "PETE" HOLMES

BITS AND BOBS

Still have conjunctivitis though the medicine is helping.  It might (might?) be on the downhill side.  [For those too lazy to google it, it is not contagious - unless you are one of my kids.  If you are or believe yourself to be, seek medical help immediately.  Or psychiatric help.  Probably both.]  I still remember the first time I got it and was literally down for months.  Thought I might go blind.  That would have made 'seeing the world' (or jack shit) problematic.

Living next to a special needs school and night club (not the same building) sucks for the noise.  Zoning laws don't seem to be really known in a lot of countries I live in.  During the daytime, the mentally handicapped scream at each other, at night the drunks scream at each other.  I've noticed quite a similarity.

Tomorrow is the last time I go to pay rent.  I'll pay it for ten days (150 euros) then I have only to tick off the last few days before I get to go visit my buddies in the states.  Looking forward to that.  I'll have to keep a better eye on my purchases.  I still remember being surprised at leaving behind a fairly well stocked fridge in Bulgaria because I hadn't kept good track of the time remaining.

It's been pointed out to me - quite correctly as well - to look at the expiration date on my passport.  It looks like I've got a bit over a year left on it.  Since at about the six month mark they actually become useless (most countries demand you have at least six months left on it) I will need to get a new one.  Due to the amount I travel I will probably try to get one with the extra pages already installed so it will cost twice as much (200 USD).





And now for a quote by Logan about Logan.

"Throughout my life, I've always made it a habit to befriend those younger than me.  That way, I don't have to watch them die from old age.  Of course, they'll have to watch me die but by the time it happens, I imagine for many of them it may be quite a relief."



HOT DAMN, THE HOSPITAL - AGAIN

The fun never ends!

Woke up at six AM - couldn't sleep.  Eyes, burning.  Not literally on fire.

Went and looked in the mirror and it did not look good.  At all.

If you are poor and uninsured, USA is the land of 'Fuck You' for medical stuff so I decided to head back to the local witch doctor.  Just kidding - hospital.

Walked about an hour to get there.  Fortunately, it is a small town because there sure the fuck weren't any taxis around.

Got around having to show any ID because I was still in their system from the last time (yea!).  Paid my eighteen euros to see the doctor.  I was told the eye doctor wasn't around today.  I responded that pretty much any of their doctors had a medical degree and presumably more experience doctoring than I do so I was good with any of them.

After checking in and paying you proceed to 'triage'.  They use the French word here and don't fuck around with silly things like 'patient inflow' or whatever.

At triage you see a nurse (no English) who assigns you your wristband.  The all important wristband.  The color of it determines how long your wait will be.  Red presumably means you are going to die really really soon.  It then goes yellow, green, blue and violet.

Some people will say it is best to be completely honest with the triage nurse but if you're in a hurry, try to spray her with your blood.  It may get you a better wristband color.

Mine was green!

Everything past red and yellow means your ass waits until they have a break in the action then they see you.  Guessing violet means you are too well to be in the hospital.

They have a chart on the wall that shows the waiting time but it lies like Trump.  It claimed an hour and ten minutes.  There were other people who had been there since six AM with a green band.

Fortunately, the hospital was empty of waiting room patients (less than ten) so it was only a three hour and some wait for me.  Better than the six or seven I had last time.  Yeah, you sit on your ass for a long time but for eighteen euros I am happy to wait for a medical professional.

Who...did not speak English.  He spoke five other languages including Russian.  My Russian is not good enough to discuss 'conjunctivitis' and medication and he looked rather alarmed when I began to speak in it.  Either my Russian is just as bad as I thought or his is worse than he let on.  Either way, speaking  a bunch of languages but not the one spoken all over the world - confusing.  He went off to find someone to translate.  He grabbed a nurse.

Him finding a nurse took more time than the actual appointment and that only took one minute.  He didn't bother to examine me - just gave me a prescription for some cream to put in my eyes and told me to keep using the ineffective eye drops I'd been using for the last couple days.

Bummer.

I was hoping for different eye drops.

But now I've got cream shit in my eyes and the world is a bit blurry.  Neat.

Tonight is pack up night, tomorrow is head to the airport time.

The doctor did say he suspected it was 'bad water', ie what comes out of the shower.  I'm hoping he is right.  If so, this should clear up shortly after I arrive at the states and stop using the water here, piped through the old city, to clean myself.



SO WHAT EVER HAPPENED WITH THIS SHIT?

Despite getting some unexpected help from a nurse who my buddy TJ made laugh to hard she about lost it, the eye problems persist.  Until I get out of this wretched country (USA) I can't afford to see a doctor nor buy eye drops.  So I wait and hope not to go blind in the meantime.  The eyes have gotten a tad better but not 100% yet.



IN THE USA

Jump forward in time a couple months because I've not written in a couple months - mainly in respect for the privacy of my fourteen (or more?) host families I'm staying with.

But I've been told by people who live outside of the USA that they are curious about what I see inside the USA.  So all of my observations you are reading in this section are thanks to a guy named Pete.  Yes, Sherlock Holmes Pete.  He is the one who told me to 'get cracking'.

So here are a few things I've noticed.  Keep in mind that the USA is a very big place.  "Your mileage may vary."  is a saying they use here.  For those that no longer think that using 5280 feet to measure a mile is a good idea (for more 'what the fuck' moments, visit this webpage) it might be better to say "Your experiences will vary."



"FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT." - AESOP

A common phrase I've heard in the USA is "If you don't like it, get the fuck out!"

I did.

I'm alternatively bored and offended by many things in the USA itself.  Good reason to get out and stay out.

Why return?

Friends.  If I had no friends in the USA, I would probably never return.  Hence, while reading my 'insights' into the USA, remember that I am a 'hostile witness' and this no doubt colors my perceptions.

Quick disclaimer:  Although I am sure there are other people who have gotten to journey through four states, stay with fourteen different families, go to half a dozen LARP events in a couple different system - I've never heard of it.  I am honored to be making such a journey.  Again.

The USA is a pretty dangerous country for me to travel in.  If I need medical attention, I may or may not get any.  I may or may not be able to afford it.  It may or may not be docked from my below poverty line income.  Fuck that.

To summarize, if you were wanting to host Logan (see Logan's Home Invasion 1 and 2 on Facebook), you'd better catch him when he comes through because it won't be fucking often.



RACISM

In other countries I have visited, racism is usually one extreme or another.  For example, when I was in Morocco, they had a LOT of immigrants from Sierra Leone.  These guys have super dark skin, hence are easy to differentiate from the usual cross section of Moroccans.  I asked the Moroccans about them and was told "They seem nice and are hard workers."

That is on one end.

The other end is 'It's genocide time!'

In the USA, it's usually more in the middle.  Although there are a ton of stupid racists

Look for this emblem for quick identification of 'stupid racists'...

in America, the racism that isn't 'newsworthy' is a lot more subtle.  "Blacks are fine - I just don't want to live next door to any because it brings down property values." would be an example.

Neat.

So let's call it often 'passive-aggressive racism' for the most part.

Another disclaimer:  I don't have friends who are racist.  They tend to unfriend my ass pretty quick or we never get around to friending in the first place.  The people I've gotten to stay at the homes of are thoughtful, kind and generous.  Which is super cool and gives hope for America.  Well, it would if they weren't so fucking outnumbered.



UNINCORPORATED AREAS

These are the areas outside of or surrounding a town.  They are not 'incorporated' into a town, hence 'unincorporated'.  There are several reasons someone may choose to live outside of town.  Some examples:

1.  They want to raise a big garden either because they are wanting to eat more healthy food or because they are poor.
2.  They want to raise non pet type animals either because they want to eat healthy, are poor or want a cheap sex doll.
3.  They really hate other races and want to hang out with white people.  Ethnic races (in the USA this means 'non-white' because...I'm not sure why) generally stick to inside of towns.   Also, should the people outside of town want to have a 'purge night' - wait - sorry - I've been watching too much Rick and Morty.

Or, bigger homes, cheaper homes, more land or cheaper land.



FOOT TRAVEL WITHIN THE USA

It's a fucking nightmare.  Where as I could walk across a town of 50,000 people within an hour (Faro, Portugal) just getting into town in Galesburg, IL (population 30,000) and to a decent restaurant and back about three hours.

Not great for walking about.  Sometimes no sidewalks.  In the USA, everyone is assumed to have their own car.  If you don't have a car you are assumed to be a poor, stupid loser and the USA hates the poor a lot.  If someone is talking about what good public transportation a city has it is because it is an exception.



More thoughts later if and when I come up with some!

BITS AND BOBS IN UKRAINE

FOLLOW UP ON LOOKING FOR A PLACE

I'd contacted six different places - three agencies and three private individuals.  Only one agency bothered to get back to me.

"Oh, we're poor!"

"How's your business professionalism?"


So in another little nip, the son of the lady I'd made the agreement with informed me that this house is neither his nor his mothers.  And, in an amazing bit of coincidence (since it is on the day my rent is due) his evil landlord has raised the rent and so he will raise mine.  He wanted $40 more, I negotiated it down to $30.  Not much of a haggle on my part.  It is annoying.  Not sure whose idea it was but I did e-mail his mom to let her know I'd be staying for another month despite the rent being raised.

Honestly, I really dislike business in Ukraine but the prices are the counterbalance to the shenanigans.

Fortunately, my old friends in Romania are going to make me feel very welcome there and so I've got that to look forward to.



MORE EASTERN EUROPEAN RESEARCH

The possibility - from Ukraine to Romania to Moldova back to Ukraine then on to Poland?

Not sure what to do after this.  Look for somewhere warm in Europe to hole up for the winter?  Because 'fuck the cold'.

Romania:  My friend Diana said she would take care of Romania so I'm skipping research on that.

Moldova:  I did the capital a few years ago and boy did it suck.  There was absolutely nothing there I wanted to see.  Going here would be a place to put between so I am just not going back and forth between Romania and Ukraine.

Note to self - might have to go through Transnistra.  Check to see if this can happen or not.  Train might be a way around it.

Another note - there seems to be absolutely nothing I am at all interested in within Moldova.  Been there, done that, didn't like it last time.  Figure out something else.  Croatia?  Bosnia?

Ukraine:  I'll have to look for somewhere else.  Between Moldova and Ukraine, I will need to burn a total of three months so that I can get back into the Schengen Area.  Then, I can get back in to visit...

Poland:  It's looking like I can stay in some really sexy cities for $300 per month rent.

After Poland, I'm really not sure where to go.   My goal is to be outside the Shengen area and somewhere warm.  My goal would be (after wintering) to head back to the USA in April (?).


Note to self - research how to get a Schengen extension.   It looks pretty rough.  Probably better to just duck out then back in later.

Later musings:  Europe during the six months of warm weather - nice.  The other six months - cold and sucky.  Right now, I'm trying to figure out a place to winter.  Not really thrilled about going back to Morocco and eating a bunch of 'tangine'.   Finding non-Schengen countries that are warm and not overly expensive to hang out in for half a year until it is time to go to the states - rough.  Especially since much of northern Africa either sucks or are busy squatting in burning villages polishing their AK-74's.   I'm not sure why the entire continent of Africa generally sucks so much - or if it is decent it's a bit pricy.

DAILY GRIND

By the gods I hate staying in a place more than a month. However, it is much easier on the pocket book. Since saving up for LHI2-TSC and a new computer that can play more than FV2 is important, I'm just sitting on my ass in Lviv.

It's weird but I find that I fall into a pattern depending on which part of the world I'm in. My pattern here is after my start up sequence (aka 'waking up') I will walk into Lviv (about 6KM) to a cafeteria restaurant. Honestly, the food is about the same quality as the other restaurants and about half the price. I can eat (with a drink) for under $4.

After that, I grab some supplies (diet soda, cookies to balance that diet shit and possibly alcohol. Note, I only drink on days ending with a 'Y'.) and get on the bus to get back. The bus costs .16 USD. Not a typo, it is sixteen cents. No idea why they bother to charge at all. Probably to get the bus driver to stop. I suspect they get the money or at least manage to shave off their cut.

After getting back, I will shower, mess about with the computer for awhile and possibly take a nap. You are suppose to sleep less as you get older. Still waiting for that part to kick in.

After waking up, I'll order pasta and a salad (note the health conscious thing there with the salad!) from a delivery place. The delivery guys seem to like me as I may be the only person in the country that tips them. I generally give them a dollar. Only the USA (due to Prohibition) is afflicted with the tipping BS. Dinner generally costs around six USD, including tip. Begin drinking when food is delivered.

Here, I am drinking wine mixed with diet soda. Considering a decent bottle is two USD, it's a treat. As my travel mentor once said 'When in Rome, drink what the Romans do'. IE drink what is cheap. Here and now, it's wine which is fine with me.

After consuming a bottle (or two if it is a special 'fuck the soda' night and I want a bit of a buzz) and stuffing my ever widening ass with sweets. They actually go into my mouth - though it would make a better story if I fed like a giant sea cucumber. Yeah. Take a moment to look it up to see how it feeds. Internet FTW.

After that, and watching a few movies (and possibly posting a bunch of stuff to the FB group 'Movie Geeks' if I am MST3000) I will go to sleep to start it all up the next day.

Note that my schedule (as well as what food I eat, etc) all might change depending on which country I am in.  Also note that I love my schedule and freedom.  If I were rich, I'd have even more freedom.  If I was really rich, I would begin distributing some of that freedom to my friends.



ON VENEZUELA

Thanks to David H for pointing out this excellent article on what's going on there now.

Best not to visit a country where the word 'bloodbath' is making it into articles.



TRAVELER'S TIP (UKRAINE)

Wheels on the bus go...

A lot of different backpacker sites are always talking about taking a bus (while loaded down with your gear) to get around the high cost of taxis.

Since I take one or more buses daily in Ukraine, here's the deal:

Don't.

When you get to a town, your best option is to call (or get someone to call) a taxi.  If you take the rip off artists on the street (independents) you will pay double, triple or as much as they think they can soak you for.  Don't fall for the 'let's use the meter' scam - they can set the meter for whatever the hell they want.  If you have to use one of these bastards, negotiate hard for a fixed price before you even step in.  Do NOT accept the meter unless you have lube.

As to the bus, if you have anything over a small bag of groceries - and sometimes even with just that - it is too crowded most of the time.  On about seventy percent or more of the buses it's standing room only and not much of that.

If you travel during a busy time (when people go or come from work or lunch) it is Japanese Pusher crowded.

This is Japan - not Ukraine.  But packed in like hot dogs kind of feels the same either way.  Your only hope is that you are gassy - because believe me, someone else will be.  It's a built in defense mechanism!

Getting on and off the bus will be hell and honestly, it's not fair to the other poor commuters.  Suck it up (Buttercup) and get a cab.



COMPUTER CLEANING

Been trying to play a bit of Skyrim and was stymied that my computer would sometimes shut itself off.  Searching the internet told me that the insides were probably dirty.

Of the computer.  I know my insides are no picnic.

Except to a cannibal.

Lots of people enjoy taking their fancy computer to a coffee shop and doing stuff there.  I don't.  Especially when the computer is about half a years wage to the locals.  For a black market resell.

So I stuffed it into a backpack and tried the closer of the two places I'd found which advertised they cleaned computers.  He quoted 350 UAH (about 14 USD).  I asked him if it would be possible to do it right the hell now and let me watch for 500 UAH.  "Impossible - I am very busy right now."

I pointedly looked around his abandoned, silent dusty shop.

"Riiiiight."  I responded.  "I might be back later."

I often feel like him when dealing with people.

I always like to say that I might come back later.  It is better than saying something you will be refused service for later.  Went to the other place on my list.  It was tricky to find, located within a courtyard of a building and the only signs in Cyrillic which I should learn but just can't work up the caring.

They only wanted 300 UAH, it would take an hour and I couldn't watch.  Offering a couple hundred bribe to watch didn't work though the guy did snap two pics of the dirt inside for me.  That was nice of him.

It's always good to watch when you can because they may take more care with your computer and I may learn something.

Got back the laptop.  Parts of the case still needed to be snapped together but the computer did actually start back up (yea!) so I am happy.  No water drained from it either.

Super.

Unfortunately, they also scrubbed the paint off the LED light which I had painted over meticulously.  Now, I have to find more paint or white out or something to cover it up.  It is annoying and distracting.  The LED is one that DELL felt necessary to have light up should you decide to disable your thumb pad.  Why is this necessary?  Because someone at Dell is a moron and morons up the chain decided to go with it.

Bernie Mac had a solution for those kind of people. 



ALTERWORLD

I would like to say that there are some disadvantages to the novel. While I love the concept (oh, if only in real life!) and enjoy the story...

Well, the author has what in the USA would be considered 'extremely sexist' views of women. Not having been to Russia, I don't know if this is a 'typically Russian' viewpoint. To me, it seems a lot like a USA 1970's viewpoint. "Oh, look - the little lady has a job! Isn't that cute!" type of crap.

And a bit of casual racism. Again, much like in the 1970's USA. If someone is a skinflint, he is 'jewing you' type of crap.

Again, if I'd ever been to Russia, I could always say it fits in with the Russian stereotype - but I haven't. No clue. It could be just the way this guy is and not even realize he's doing it.

It reminds me a bit of this.



PRICES

Getting the dust and grime of two years of road dust out of your laptop, 300-350 UAH.

HOW TO TAKE A SHOWER

NIGHT BARBER

Nearby to my hotel is a Thai husband and wife who work at and own a small restaurant I sometimes frequent.  Their English is pretty decent though sometimes a bit rough.

My hair had gotten to where I began to feel like a 'dirty hippy' (about two centimeters) so it was time to get that shit chopped off.

I asked the lady at the restaurant and got confusing directions.  "Go up this street to the traffic jam."  You mean the traffic light?  No, the traffic jam.  Looked at the street, no traffic jam.  Fuck it, I'll find one eventually.

Thanking her, I wandered up the street looking for the turnoff but instead found what looked to be a popular barber.  After scouting around, I went back and sat to wait for the sullen barber to finish his other three customers.

A teen who had just finished up said he would take me to a different barber that was 'very close by'.  Screw it, I thought, why not.  There was some hesitation when he and his buddy got onto their scooters but I figured 'what the hell, I haven't had much exercise today because the foot was hurting earlier' so I climbed on.

They took me to a place near the McDonald's/KFC that looked to be a high volume fancy boutique.  I'm use to getting my hair cut at the kind of place where if you wear long pants and socks you'll want to tuck the pants into the socks to keep the rats from climbing up.  Fortunately, I don't wear socks or long pants.

This place looked way too fancy for me.  "How much is it for a shave and a haircut?"  The sullen barber hole in the wall place we'd just left was 150 baht.  The guy assured me it was 200 baht and even offered to wait for me to give me a lift back.  Since it was only half dozen blocks or so from where I'd started - and my foot was giving me less trouble - I assured him I could make it back.  I thanked them profusely for their kindness.

This is one of the huge differences between northern and southern Thailand.  All of the tourists (including the ones who would be locked up in the USA for their actions) go to southern Thailand.  As a result, the Thais there have been described by expats and tourists as 'mercenary'.  In the north, they haven't gotten so burned out on tourists - you are seen as a rarity.  Like finding a dead leprechaun in your box of Lucky Charms cereal.

The place was run by either a ladyboy or transvestite who had smashed into the wrong side of forty.  I negotiated with her as they wanted to charge me 250 baht.  After getting it down to 200 baht for a 'shave and a haircut', I had all the hair removed.  Any drill sergeant would have been well pleased with my shiny melon.

Approaching her to pay, I said "Am I pretty now?"  "No!"  Not even any hesitation.  Ain't that a bitch?

Another good thing about going to that part of town at night is it seems to be the location of a huge night market - and that means Thai street food.   There were a lot of things which looked like they would have been right at home in the writings of Abdul Alhazred rather than on the end of a skewer.  Since my bowels haven't been acting up too badly lately, I'll take them out tomorrow night.

If you don't know what this is, you clearly haven't read enough Lovecraft.

It's one of the interesting things about SE Asia.  People don't like to go out during the day (other than to work, presumably) so between about sundown and ten PM is when everything happens.  After that, most people head right to bed.  It's a fairly narrow window.

Since I don't enjoy traveling out at night (it's when all the bad shit happens), I normally don't participate much in this.



TRAVELER'S TIP

Need to find someone who can speak English?  Here are some places you might find someone.

Hotels/hostels/guesthouses
Pharmacy/hospital
Computer/phone supply store

Essentially, you are looking for educated people.  Some young people will be able to speak English but are often 'shy' about attempting it.



HOW TO TAKE A SHOWER

This works for anywhere you are staying - especially if it is a cheap place.

Most people like to get into the shower and soak in the water, letting the pulse relax them.  Eventually they get down to the business of soap and cleaning.  Or, applying a lot of chemicals if they are so inclined.

In Asia especially, the order must be reversed.

As soon as the water hits a bearable level, you ruthlessly clean yourself as quickly and efficiently as possible.  After that, you can stand around and soak.

Why?

Because the electricity powering the 'oh god will this electrocute me' device that heats the water (a bit) may suddenly go off.

Or the hot water may suddenly end.

Or the temperature of the water may suddenly erratically alternate between scalding and ice crystals.

Or you may actually begin to get electrocuted.

Don't even think about complaining to the management.  They will either tell you there is nothing they can do, tell you to wait 'five minutes' (a unit of time ranging between twenty minutes and never) or offer to have you trundle all your crap to a different room.  Which will either have the same or worse problems.

Showering in this manner gives you the greatest chance of actually getting 'clean' before everything goes to hell.



BORDER CROSSING - THAILAND TO CAMBODIA

This is a fantastic article.



TV SHOW REVIEW

Limitless (2015)

They took something which is scientifically not correct (the 'we only use 10% of our brain' misconception) and made a movie out of it.  This in turn has spawned a TV show.

It's pretty much a 'buddy cop' drama - one of the few things they feel they really can't beat to death in TV and movies.  Though they do try.

It's OK (5/10 on my scale) but again, the writers are lazy.  For someone who is suppose to suddenly be the 'smartest guy in the area' from taking this wunder drug (yes, I used the German spelling for a double entendre thing there.  If you don't get the meaning, go back to WW2.) this guy is about as clever as spaghetti.  You'd think that it would be the whole 'plans within plans' thing.  You'd be wrong.  Lazy writing.

Even if he isn't the kind of guy who thinks like that, being on the drug allows him instant recall and such - he could simply read 'The Prince' and be in a much better position.