BJ ALLEY AND SATAN

FORWARD PLANNING

Did some preliminary studying of the potential route I'm contemplating after I get done in Odessa.

Some people will say "Why does he concentrate so much on room costs?"  Because that's pretty much your major cost.  You can eat crap from grocery stores deli counters or food stands to decrease your expenses.  The room cost is the big one though.

Varna, Bulgaria.  It's looking like the room cost will probably be between $12-16 per night.  Unless I'm really taken with the town or find something cheaper when I'm there, I won't be there for long.

Thessaloniki, Greece.  Clench yer butt cheeks folks.  I've heard a lot about their recession and down turn in the economy.  Apparently, this news hasn't reached the hotel or hostel industry.  For an eight bed dorm it's about $20 per night.  Clearly, I will only be there for a couple days.  Not sure if I want to go to other places within Greece or not.  More research on Greece will be required but the total time there will probably be a week or two.

Ohrid, Macedonia.  I'm calling it that because the 'former Yugoslav etc' is hard to pronounce.  It gets very reasonable quick but of the cities close to where I'm contemplating going, only in Ohrid.  About $16 for a private apartment or room.  Unfortunately, it's within the 'schendigan agreement' lands so that limits the time within the country were I to find a 'good deal' on rent.

Next up to study, Albania.

What my goal is would be to have a cheap country I can hang out in for a few months to let my funds regenerate.  Was thinking about Egypt but they are shooting tourists there AND one of the future potential presidents of the country has failed to answer me on Facebook so I'm thinking wait till it calms down.  If I can't find a good country to sit and regenerate money, my backup plan is to get back to SE Asia so I can undergo the wonderful rioting within Thailand.  So happy there, I'm sure.

My travel mentor suggested I head straight over to Macedonia then Albania saving Greece with it's three month in three out till later.  This may be a very good idea.  It also puts me close to Turkey.  If I'm feeling too poor by the end of this, I can flee back to SE Asia for six hundred dollars or less.



WORDS FROM A DIFFERENT DIMENSION

New word of the day:

Cockbarrow.

In a world in which some sort of cheap and easy way existed for men to enlarge their own penis, this would be the wheel barrow men would push their penis around in.

News story:

May White, 22, was accused of killing seven men by whistling at them.  The stunning blond would find someone pushing a cockbarrow and whistle at him.  The man would get an erection, the cockbarrow would explode and his body would be instantly drained of all blood.  When asked why she had done it, Ms. White angrily responded "They were all such dicks!"



ROAD WARRIOR PICS

Courtesy of Evil Cat

Master blaster!

Mel is not happy with me.

At least I have a helmet!



BJ ALLEY (A story from Logan's distant past)

Giving you fair warning.  I even consider this next post offensive.  If you feel you have the capacity to be offended, are religious in any way or Korean you might consider just skipping to the next section.

Note that the names (aside from Bill whose actual name I couldn't remember) are real.  However there are so many people with the same names or the actual people are dead I figure it doesn't matter.

I'm calling this story 'Violations' because several things were violated.  Freedom, religion and even the principles of good story telling.  Many asides and little jaunts will be made.


The setting was Korea of the late 1980's.   Korea was a very different country then.  The first sight you had landing at the airport was huts sprouting television antennas.  The people were poor, the prices were cheap, hookers were either $10 for a quick in and out or $20 if you wanted to spend the night at their place.  And in to this den of iniquity was dropped a young Logan with money to burn and the self control of Charley Sheen.  I would like to note that Korea has changed massively in the last few decades.   Hell, even their internet is about four times faster.


Cast of characters

Sergeant George S Nelson.  One of his most awe inspiring features is that he spoke just like Elmer Fudd.  I'm not joking and neither was he.  He worked in S2 (intelligence) section and was my bosses boss.  By some strange twist of military logic, he was also in charge of the military police (MP) on the base.  I think he wanted to take me under his wing and mentor me but at the young age of eighteen, the voices in my head were louder than his and I figured I knew everything about everything.  He would often take me downtown to investigate the various sleazy bars to make sure they weren't in violation of any codes.  He never told me what the codes were but his fast paced walk from bar to bar to check in on things had two different interesting side effects for me.  The MP's at the locked gates figured I must be a young officer to be hanging out with such a senior (E-7) sergeant.  They would salute me, I'd salute back and was careful to never wear my uniform off base.  Sgt Nelson never bothered to correct  their mistake and tell them I was just a private.  As a bonus, every bar we inspected gave me a free drink.  After a few bars, I eventually became too drunk to continue the inspection and the sergeant would leave me to wallow in the whore pits.  How I miss the whore pits.


Hubbard.  He was a strange, perverted man.  The story which most speaks to his character was when we had a new lieutenant show up at the base.  "Take me to my driver, Horsford!"  Yessir, I replied.  We walked out toward the vehicle Hubbard sat in.  I was alarmed and the officer angry when we saw the look on Hubbard's face.  It appeared he was getting a blow job in the vehicle.  The windshield wipers slowly went back and forth.  As Hubbard thrashed around more and more, the wipers sped up.  Eventually, he started to convulse and the sprayers went off.  During Hubbard and the trucks' orgasm, we discovered nobody else was in the vehicle and Hubbard had both hands on the steering wheel.  As the officer stared in horror I simply gestured toward the vehicle and said "Your driver sir!", spun on my heel and left.


'Bill'.  I don't remember this guys actual name.  What I do remember is his fanaticism.   Not sure which flavor of Christianity he subscribed to but he loved talking about how he didn't drink, smoke or fuck - like it was a good thing.  It saddens me that in today's 'anti-bullying', politically correct era these sorts of people who preach their religion non-stop can't get punched in the face.

One night, Hubbard decided he'd had enough of Bill's religious rantings.


As the MP's sat around the locked gate, they saw eight people head toward them.  One, a young man they believed to be a young officer walked a bit ahead of the group of people who were all holding on to a wildly struggling spreadeagled man.  They couldn't understand the muffled grunting and pleas as the man had his mouth well duct taped.  The officer gestured to the gate as he approached it.  They opened it and the entire company passed out into the town.

Once we got Bill off base and told him that if he attempted to escape we'd beat him to death and stash the body he calmed down.  He must have told himself he'd just have to ride this one out then he could put us all on report later.

Fair enough.

We took him to a bar and ordered 燒酒.  He didn't know what that was either.  It was soju.  For those who don't know, this is strong (40-80 proof) alcohol.  The taste is vile to anyone not from Korea.  Perhaps even to some Koreans.  It is so bad that soldiers often had Kool-Aid powder mixed in just so they can choke it down.  We ordered a more expensive one that had Codeine (an opiate based pain killer) added just to give it an extra kick.

We told Bill to drink his or we'd give him a beating.

"This Kool-Aid tastes like shit!" extremely sheltered Bill exclaimed.

Hubbard slammed down his hand on the table and looked around wildly.  He hissed "Don't let the Koreans hear you say that!  If they think you don't like the drink they'll slit all our throats!"

Bill believed him and downed his.  And another.

With strong alcohol slamming into his virgin system along with the codeine, he was now docile.

The rest of the group began wandering off.

Hubbard eyed me across the table.  "We should take him to BJ alley."

Bill had no clue what that meant.  I happily nodded and we hoisted Bill up and took him there.  My memory does not recollect how many more bars we stopped by on the way there.

Eventually, we made it to the notorious 'blow job alley'.  Bill was leaning drunkenly against the wall.  Sadly, it was the same wall I was urinating on.  Too close to him.  Much too close to him.

Hubbard was deep in negotiations with the mistress of the whores, the 'momma-san'.

The actual momma-san was more hideous than this.  She was missing tufts of hair.  One eye was droopy and pussing.  She had the stumps of five or six blackened teeth remaining in her crooked mouth.  Her body looked like  a worn out punching bag.

Hubbard:  "How much, momma-san?"
Momma-san:  "Ten dollar, any girl you want."
Hubbard:  "I want you, momma-san!"

Momma-san made a squack of surprise.  I faced back to the wall to make sure the right amount of urine was going onto Bill and to make sure none of that horror would become lodged in my brain.

As I finished up, a young woman came and opened up Bill's fly and popped his cock into her mouth.

"Uh!  What's going on?" shrieked Bill.

"Relax," I responded.  "They're real friendly 'round here."


Bill was downtown nearly every weekend after that.  Like many sheltered people who get a taste of the 'bad life' he went completely off the rails.  Drinking, smoking, drugs, whores.

I began to suspect I might be a bad influence.

For religious types reading this, fear not.  I got a thank you card from Satan.

DINNER

Folks in Odessa have often told me that restaurant food sucked.  I was anxious to try a home cooked meal to compare.  Fortunately, a couple friends of mine were very gracious and had me over to their home to try an actual Ukrainian meal.

These were the friends

Roxanne and Sergey, caught in what they may consider to be not their best photo.  Really nice people and both speak English which is good as I still haven't learned Russian.

And this is what we ate:

Meat with some sort of seasoning on it then fried

Vegetables with a zesty tasting sauce, served at room temperature.  I didn't think I'd like it but ended up eating all of it.

And potatoes with 'pig fat' (British 'crackling', American 'pork rind') and a bit of onion on top.

The meal was very good.  After dining with them, I had to change my opinion on Ukrainian food.  It's good unless you are dining at a restaurant.

Thanks again to my hosts!



VIDEO

Odessa Interiors

More photos are up...

FOR THOSE JUST TUNING IN

I am going to be headed from Sarajevo (Bosnia) to Belgrade (Serbia) and from there to Romania.

Right now, I've got people in four cities in Romania willing to host me - Orastie, Cluj Napoca, Reghin and Brasov. I'm not sure which ones I'm going to be able to hit - I'm going to check on transportation once I get to Belgrade and see where I can get to. It's looking like I could probably get from Belgrade to Timisoara (Romania) as Timisoara is a transportation hub for Romania.

The loose plan is to make my way to Moldova.

If you're wanting to meet up, and you live where I'm going to be, let me know.



FOOD IN SARAJEVO

The cheapest mail in Sarajevo is a 'hamburger'. Note, it is not a hamburer as people in the USA might think of it. It starts off with some sort of big bread. The guy then artistically put on a very small piece of lettuce that covvers say one eighth of the surface area of the burger. He then scoops on some shredded lettuce. No, I have no idea why the first piece of lettuce went on there. then, he slices off three small pieces of tomato and puts a wafer thin piece of meat. Mayo and catchup. Then, french fries are added on top. The whole thing is then compressed and put into a greasy bag. Cost is 2.5 BAM. Avoid it unless you have a very strong stomach. Mine stomach had a lot of weird noises coming from it. I was worried I'd be in for fun later but I seemed to have avoided that. Aside from that, it is the cheapest meal you can get for just over a dollar.



GERMAN

Nothing better than trying to speak German after you've had a few shots of rum. I'm sure that people who havve heard me speak German might say "Well, it couldn't hurt!"



SUNDAY IN SARAJEVO

Sundays here (as in most of Europe) seem to suck. Many of the local stores are closed. If you stay in the tourist areas, stuff is still open but that's about it.

I'd recommend to anyone wanting to travel cheaply in Europe to try to arrive on Sunday. Use that day to get settled in and de-stress from your travel time. Then, you have several days to see the sites and such during the week day. You can probably leave FRI or SAT - many (not all) hostels jack their rates then.

FOOD AND DRINK IN PRAGUE

FOOD AND DRINK IN PRAGUE

Jana tried to convince us that Kentucky Fried Chicken is actually traditional Czech food.

Jana: "That's why we are all skinny. We are cheap."

One thing I've been trying to do is to just eat small (ie normal person sized) portions of food. I want very much to get hungry later because I can then experience some new type of food.

I tried out the 'cottage pie' (made from real cottages) for 285 CZK. For those not knowing what a cottage pie is, according to the menu it is a "Savoury minced beef and vegetables topped with mashed potato and chedder cheese. A big, satisfying, piping hot, tasty and healthy meal. It was better than the one I had in England. Does anyone have the queen of England's personal e-mail so I can write to complain? Anyway, if this sort of meal sounds good to you and you are good for spending 620 CZK ($36) on two people (lunches + drinks) head to Rocky O'Reilly's Irish Pub Restaurant.

Breakfast in a posh cafe:
Scrambled eggs, bacon, toast: 70 CZK. This was rather average tasting.
Pete went for the 'Cheese and nuts crepes - three type of cheese, blue, eidam (??) and Parmesan'. He described it as 'very nice'. It was 95 CZK.
Tea of your choice (in a bag, sigh), 31 CZK and for 300ml of juice, 27 CZK. The total bill for two people was 223 CZK, about $13. Fuck the other travel shows and sources not telling you how much stuff is.

Tourists and fucking McDonald's. I find it amazing that idiots travel thousands of miles to visit a foreign culture then want to eat at McDonald's. In my mind, that should be served with a good, solid slap.

Getting an actual traditional Czech meal is a real challenge. We eventually found one by chance at a place which may have been called Sv. Norbert - a brewery and restaurant. They served a few different beers and a few 'traditional Czech dishes'. No KFC - sorry Jana. The meal itself consisted of some sort of beef, a dumpling which had been sliced up (interesting) a piece of lemon (ignored) and two other interesting ingredients in dabs atop the lemon - sour creme and cranberry sauce. Before having them with the other things on the plate, I'd have never guessed that these things could be combined up. The interplay of tastes in this dish was wonderful and made it the best meal I've had so far in Prague. [This meal costs 190 CZK, $11. Outfuckingstanding! For two people meals plus drinks 650 CZK.] Yes, sorry Jana, even better than the 'extra crispy' KFC. Or McDonald's. Or Subway. Or any of the other foods you have been trying to convince us are 'authentic Czech food'. [When I said that I thought Subway was a fairly recent American place, she said 'Oh no. We have been doing it for close to 1500 years and the US just recently found out about it. Didn't you know this?']

At that same brewery, they had three different beers - light (in color - these guys have never cared about reducing the calories, they just use physical activity), dark and something called IPA. The dark was OK, didn't try the light. The IPA is a complicated, busy beer. According to the helpful waiter (one of the good ones) IPA = India Pale Ale. this beer was originally made to transport to India. Due to lack of refrigeration, it had to have more preservatives in it to keep it from going bad. Such as hops and malt. Malt makes more alcohol, alcohol is a preservative. Hence, this shit had a hell of a kick. I'm not sure what the alcohol content of the one I had was but after half a beer I was done and Pete had to go get coffee into me.

Drinking for 4 people (16 drinks), 1322 CZK. Fucking ouch.

ICE CREAM FOR MY ASS

Above are some photos! I am having issues with photobucket over here so used something else Pete told me about to put them up.



Well, again it seems that I am up at seven AM, well ahead of my erstwhile traveling companions so I thought I'd add some more to my blog. This seems like a lot of text but my traveling companions are still attempting to sleep - at 9am. It's funny because when I was in the states (USA) I would lie in bed till noon or one PM. Here, I am getting (over the last two or three days) about six hours sleep and feeling ready to go out and see/do shit. I'm just excited to be on the road and active. I'm guessing that's not fun to travel with (ie the asshole that's always up and showered a couple hours or more before anyone else feels like moving) so I do appologize to them.



This time, I'm going to talk about London vs your money. I didn't mistype that - you will feel like your money is in a cage match to the death with London.

Here's some ideas of the kind of things (if you spend like me) you will be spending your money on:

Food - this is 8-12 pounds per meal. Not per day, per meal. You will eat probably three times a day. I've read a lot of travel sources that said things like 'you can go out to the grocery store and buy food' and 'you can eat twice a day or less'. They are all full of shit. Lets think about this. Unless you are the kind of person who walks five miles each way every day to work (like Pete) you will feel like you are walking, standing or standing in line for eight hours a day or more. Up and down stairs. Narrow assed stairs. You're out 'seeing stuff' and doing 'touristy things'. Translation - you're building up a 'healthy appetite'. You're going to be eating probably three times a day plus some small sacks. Just count on it. When you are walking around seeing all of this tourist stuff, you are going to be coming across restaurants and cool places to eat with smells that will have you wanting to gouge the eyes out of a hapless diner and steal their food. You aren't going to go to a grocery store. Ain't happening. You will say things like "Well, I've traveled X miles!" and "I may never be this way again!" and such. Plan on eating out every time. If you are here for a week and do get to the grocery store, those will be the very rare - not nearly common enough to really save you any money. And, there is the drinking. London has a ton of ciders, beers and other drinks. Plan on 4 pounds per, probably a minimum of one drink per meal, two is safer. So each meal, probably 16 pounds per (with the drink) and you're going to do that a minimum of twice a day and we'll add an extra half meal - either various snacks or whatever. Forty pounds per day just in food and drink - probably more. If you're not spending probably fifty pounds per day in food, you probably won't really be enjoying yourself. So allot that at least.

If you want a mid-upper type meal, a bit over 25 pounds per person. Fucking ouch. And that was the restaurant called "The Delhi Brasserie". Here's an advertisement for them:

"Chief Angry ass says 'If you want to feel like you have dysentery, eat at the Delhi Brasserie. For 25 pounds per person, you can go to the bathroom at least four times in rapid succession. It's better than a free enema!!





Lodging - you are going to have pretty much a minimum of 20 pounds per day (down to 40 - you can't get a single for 20) on lodging. That kind of money will not get you a 'nice' place to stay - more of a 'you pay now!' kind of place where you pray your neighbors are too exhausted from traveling to sit up and talk or drink and make a ruckus. Actually, I even heard someone quietly taking a leak - who was in a different room. It makes me laugh to think of what they heard from me after Indian food but I'm betting they aren't in a hurry to come over and introduce themselves.

London is not a cheap place to stay. Hence, if you have two people traveling together you can stay in a place for 20 pounds each - if you are traveling on your own, you will get stuck paying 40 or more for a place you aren't fond of. Again the people who say 'if you stay outside of the center of London you can pay less' - full of shit again. You are going to be doing so much walking, standing for hours and such looking at the tourist stuff that the very last thing in the world you will want to do is to travel for an hour via tube to get to where you're going. You will want to stay in the city center. One travel tip is to book a single night in a place then spend the next day looking for the places that are good but not smart enough or hip enough to have their hotel/hostel/etc listed on the internet. The downside is that you may burn half a day or longer looking for one. Sadly, I can't really recommend a nifty place to stay as the Anwar house only really has price going for it and nothing else.

Tube and train travel - they have these things called 'oyster cards' that have been well talked about. These are credit card looking things (they're blue! Joy) that you can prepay and have your rail traveling money taken care of till you need a refil. Although they aren't especially difficult to buy, put money on and check the balance of there are usually lines (ques, as they call them here) of people waiting to do the same. Using them is very easy - watch what other people are doing at the gates into the subway and do the same. Tip - place your card over the reader, don't try to swipe it. Just slap it down and wait for the beep. The gate does NOT need to close and reset from the previous person for you to use yours. Listen for the beep you will come to know. Cost - pretty minimal. I think you pay like 5 pounds for the card and get one with 3 pounds on it. I had put 20 pounds on mine and think I've got about 15 left on it after 2 days of doing tourist stuff. I'd probably recommend putting 10 pounds on it if you're here for a week, check it half way through and see if you feel the need to add more. Tube and train travel seems cheap.
Now after all of this talk of money, be sure to go to the internet and find out what the current exchange rate is and do a little math. I'm thinking that London is about (realistically) $200 a day. I'm not kidding. Do I think it's worth it? Meh. If you're well to do (financially, read as 'rich') or just dying to see some of the stuff in and around London, sure - tons and tons of people seem to like it. If you are poor, stay the fuck out - it will latch onto your neck and suck the money right out of you.

Tourist stuff - the usual price for different things ('attractions') seems to be around 20 pounds. They can get away with such a high price because London is literally crawling with tourists. I was looking for a local to find out where to get a 'shephards pie' ad literrally had a load of trouble finding someone who actually lived here - not to mention knew about shephards pie. I very much wanted one made from real shephards. I figure if you allot 20 pounds a day for 'tourist shit' you should be able to see one cool thing per day. Some stuff will cost more and quite a few things are said to be 'free'. I haven't run into much of that yet but it is said to be out there. Well, OK, I take it back. The National Gallery is free, but who wants to go?

The National Gallery. This is an art museaum. By looking around and reading people, I have generalized the people who go there into a few categories:

People who are artists: There aren't many of them but you can sometimes see them sitting there looking up at the paintings in obvious rapture and sketching away. Jana fits into this category although she seems to have forgotten anything to draw with.

People who just like art: A rare breed but they go around and find paintings and stuff that interest them. I call them 'odd'. Pete and Richard fit into this category. In his defense, Pete did find a couple paintings referenced in Dr. Who. Moderately interesting I thought but way too much pain and suffering to endure to look at two pictures.

People who are bored out of their fucking mind. Easy to spot if you know anything about body laguage. They are just enduring this part, hoping to escape or kill themselves before they have been subjected to too much art. Matt and I both fit into this category although Matt came up with a fun game to make the experence less painful. It involved 'girl watching' and discussing them as though they were art. This kind of shifty double talk is something we are both proficient in and it helped pass the time. I'm sure a lot of people thought we were in a different cateory from the way we talked. I was 'arted out' after about three rooms. There were approximately seven times that many rooms. It was hell but I was going for the others as a) that's the kind of thing they like to do and b) it was free.
Serious, thoughtful intellectuals who know about art. These are also known as 'assholes' (or possibly 'tossers' in the local venacular). [I believe the literal meaning of 'tosser' or 'toss pot' is someone who sits around mastrubating but I think the actual use has grown to encompass someone who is an all purpose idiot.] These are the people who sit around saying things like 'Do you see how the forcefulness of these brushstrokes helps to emphasize blah blah blah?' They usually have someone else with them as it is impossible to show someone else how smart you are if you are alone. Clearly, I don't have a lot of love for these people.
People who are attempting to torture others (spouce or children) through an infussion of 'culture'. These people could be in the 'thoughtful intellectual' (asshole) category or just well meaning but stupid people who have an unshakable belief that subjecting others to 'culture' will somehow make them better people. We saw a mom giving her kids some sort of game book that had the 'find the paintings in the art gallery'. She was attempting to trick her offspring into sucking up some culture, the poor little bastards.

There may be other categories and some people may fit into multiple categories but this seems like a decent starter list.

I'm sure that someone is asking themselves "Logan, was there nothing you enjoyed at the art exhibit?" There was only one picture I liked. It was a guy (who looked a bit of a naughty homosexual) slightly leaning forward with a cannon behind him. I entitled that one "Surprise buttsex with cannon". I was imagining the guy saying in a falsetto voice "I am ready to be surprised now!!" Yes, I'm afraid that is the kind of fucked up weird shit that goes through my brain. That sort of warped though process might be why so many people are reading the blog. Who knows?

Some thoughts on London itself. Actually, first, a disclaimer. If you say "But you repeated yourself from your other post on London!" You haven't been reading this blog for long, have you? I fucking repeat myself all the time. I am old, probably a bit senile and have the right to babble. If you are thinking "You should combine your various London posts into one", then I a thinking "You should hire me a fucking editor and let him/her do it". That out of the way, let me give my my impressions after a couple of days in London.

Friends - this is the main reason I came to London. I've been here before a quarter of a century ago. I like to give the 'beady eyed old man glare' to Jana when I say this because I don't think she was born when I first came here. Anyway, getting to hang out with Richard, Wanker - er - I mean Matt, Pete and Jana is a good time. It's a pity I haven't seen anyone else from London who was into the HC game but given the next paragraph down, I can kind of understand why.

Hemmoraging money - I am blasting through money at such a rate that it is absolutely frightening. I think I'm going through a couple hundred a day in US dollars and not really living that extravigantly. Getting the ticket to travel from England to Amsterdam was a bit more than I expected - 60 pounds. The usual amount of money I am carrying around for spending cash is 60 pounds.

Sites (aka 'tourist shit') - Honestly, they look fake. I'm not sure if it's because I've seen a lot of them in pictures so often or just the surreal nature of being in London or the millions of other tourists, but they just seem fake. I'm not really sure I can express why.

People/tourists: A lot of people who I've talked to have mentioned London as a place they'd like to go, simply because they already speak the language. While it is true that the native language of London (well, and England in general) is English, this is NOT the usual language you hear on the streets. That language is 'other'. London is a huge tourist place for Asians, Italians, Germans and people from God knows where. It is surprisingly difficult to find someone who is outright English in London. Even the shop keepers have a strong accent that indicates they probably weren't raised here. Seeing people with rolling suitcases is quite the norm. I don't remember near this many tourists last time I was here, but I might not have been in the right place. That being said, I still do like to talk to other people, to the horror of my companions. I have a personal set of beliefs such as most people are basically decent, want to be helpful and so on that cause me to have no hesitation when talking to strangers. The few native Londoners I've found tend to look very surprised or wary when someone they don't know approaches them wanting to talk. I've been told the first thought people have is 'what is this person wanting from me' though when they hear my American accent they tend to relax quickly. I'm guessing they think "Ah, another lost/confused/idiot tourist" and I am forgiven the social fopa of speaking to them. And then they turn out to be kind and helpful. I am the kind of person that will strike up a conversation with a stranger on a bus. I am curious about people, their customs, lifestyle and city. I think it shows and after they get over the initial shock of someone speaking to them they open up pretty quickly. I've noticed that a lot of people in this city tend to ignore those around them, keep their heads down and walk quickly.

Food/drinks (no culture shock, decent food no horrible typical English food, cosmopolitian). When I was first in London, one of the shocks was just how terrible English food was. This seems to have changed mostly due to the huge amount of 'foreigners' that have come here, settled and opened restaurants. London has everything but finding the right restaurant to go to is quite a challenge. If you're like our group, you'll probably end up becoming regulars at whatever pub is close by. Pub food (or 'pub grub' as it is called here) is typically better quality than American 'bar food'. As I mentioned above, it is usually less than 10 pounds for a single course meal (not including deserts, starters (appetisers) and drinks. Yesterday, we had a 'full English' breakfast. It was OK but nothing to 'write home about' (aka 'medum experience'). For those who don't know, a 'full English' tends to include a bacon like substance. American bacon is prettty thin, usually crunchy. Not so with the bacon here. It is pretty thick (like their money) and damn hard to cut with a fork and knife. Chewy and with a slightly different taste. They also tend not to wrap it around other foods and deep fry the whole thing. Weird, I know. In addition to that, you get either scrambled or 'fried' eggs. Their version of frying was to drop the eggs into hot oil and let them cook. They look pretty unattractive when you get them. I was happy I went with scrambled - standard taste. They also have a sausage - didn't care for it much but the ketchup helped. As I've noted on my previous travels, ketchup tastes different in every country you go to - even if it is Heinz. There was half a fried tomato and what tasted like standard canned baked beans. Standard wheat toast. Mushrooms. It is a bit cheaper than a normal meal (about 5 pounds). Now a note on 'pubs' - they are chains. Just like fast food restaurants. There seem to be four companies (according to Matt and Richard, our local experts) that own most of the pubs. The menus of one are the same if you go to another owned by the same company. I had some romantic notion of a pub being passed down within the family, pubs being very different and such. In London, this is utter bullshit. It's like a fastfood chain - but due to the price, it's where you're going to live. Also, if you're hanging out with Londoners (like Matt and Richard) the culture usually finds them in the pub. You'll probably be around for 3-5 drinks worth (at 4 pounds each or so). Here, it is not rampant alcoholism, just ordinary life.

Safety/pickpocketing. There are signs up in some of the places (and businesses) saying 'watch your bags!' Stupid tourists obviously still don't have this down. I was sitting in a pub and a guy who looked very much like a bouncer came over to a table of chatting oblivous tourists, held up a purse and said 'is this anyone's bag?' Surprise, it turned out to be one of the ladies who was sitting there, much to her surprise. Apparently, the bouncer had managed to catch someone making off with her purse that probably had her money, credit cards, passport and other personal items in it. If you sling a bag over the back of a chair, you are pretty much saying 'Please steal this, I am a dumbass'. Even with as naturally paranoid as I am (not feeling really comfortable unless I'm sitting facing the room with my back to a wall, always wearing my small 'about town' bag slung across my shoulders, etc) I still think it is very possible to pickpocket me. The 'what a lovely city, I'll just set my bags next to my chair and ignore them while I chat like an airhead' idiots are probably much easier prey. Matt was talking about his run in with a little old lady in a subway station who had her hand accidentally wander into his pocket seeking his wallet when he noticed. Anyone can be a pickpocket.

Tube (subway) stations and trains can get very crowded - these are very easy places for pickpockets to work. I think it would be a nifty skill to be able to spot a pickpocket and pickpocket them (as in the Ocean's 11 movie) but hey - I can't even sit on a bed without falling off - I'm thinking I lack the coordination for fine work.

This is something that is pretty rare in the states - generally, we just shoot bitches and take their money. In Europe, they seem a bit more refined about it. Watch your shit. Have hidden, under your clothing, pain in the ass to get to pouches and hidden things. Don't carry more money on you than you will spend in a day. Be watchful ("Ever vigilant!" - some Harry Potter movie). As far as violent crimes, their policemen don't even carry guns. It doesn't seem too bad at all for that. I'd feel perfectly safe wandering around the inner part of London by myself at weird hours. No biggie there. No 'warning, land mines left over from some war' stuff. Having said this, I can't find my fucking hat. I think I lost it. Shit.



Some other things we did:

Jana made us shop till I dropped.

Saw where they sell 'hooker boots'.

Found a restaurant simply called 'Eat'.

Ate a Cornish Paste.

We went to a place in London called Oxford Street near Regeant Street. This is the 'green' properties on the Monopoly board. In order of the game, they had painted everything - including their children - green.

We walked through one pub in order to get to another pub. In the area we were in you could point randomly anywhere and be pointing at a pub. And many of them were full.

When we were looking for the world famous Harrad's, I asked a lady when we thought we were near where it was. She said "Seven kilometers that way in Knightsbridge. Ironically, that area had neither a knight nor a bridge. False advertising yet again.

Harrads' is a world famous shopping place where you supposedly can get anything. There is even a famous story about someone joking with the clerk about wondering if he could get an elephant. After a pause, the clerk said "Very good sir - would you prefer African or Indian?" I discovered this is absolute rubbish. I was looking for POP TARTS and they didn't have them, no clue what they were and all of that. So unless you are shopping for a fucking elephant, you are out of luck. You wouldn't believe the looks I got from the others while on 'Pop Tart quest'. They said I was a heathen. And Matt, they DON'T HAVE POPTARTS IN LONDON YOU TWAT. Well, at least at Herrads. So bang rocks together sir.

Went to the Sherlock Holmes gift shop on Baker Street. I found an alcohol filled machine gun for sale. No idea what Holmes would be doing with that. Pete (who surprised the doorman by producing his own deerstalker cap) got a picture with the doorman who was dressed as a period bobby (cop). I told the man "He was the most photographed man in London". This seemed to please him and he agreed.

We found a place that served both waffles and ice cream together. Again, in your face Matt! For those who don't know, the waffles are quite a bit different here and widely sold as street food though I've never seen anyone other than myself eat one.

There was a shitload of (unarmed) police standing around in the Baker Street area. I approached a police woman (while all of my buddies cringed at me going and talking to yet someone else) and asked why. Soccer hulligans were nearby drinking. (Note, she called them 'football drinkers' but I translated that).

Took a picture of Christina, the Canadian. She has been our waitress more times than she wanted to be and gets the 'fuck, you again?' microexpression when we show up. Or is it just me? (I hear Richard's voice in my head saying "Just you Logan.")

Loudly asked why Richard wouldn't take us to Diagon Alley. I wanted to look at the brooms.

One of Jana's friends had told Jana that if she didn't like Torchwood, she wouldn't enjoy Dr. Who. I suggested that she hit that friend in the mouth. We had her watch the episode Blink. I told her that if she didn't like it, I'd drop the subject. After watching it, she started on the 2005 season. I think she's into it and seems interested in going to 'The Dr Who Experience'. In your face, Jana's friend who I don't know the name of!

Matt wasn't with us yesterday as he was out killing hookers looking for the one with a 'heart of gold' to give to his mother.

Found out that I can 'art out' after three rooms, and 'architecture out after three days wandering the tourist spots of London.

Discovered that Jana has flashbacks if you discuss 'noodles for breakfast'. She glares at you, then spaces out and mutters things like "I still hear the voices..." No idea what that's all about but noodles are out for breakfast. [Note to Jana's friends who read this blog - please don't mention it to her as it's very traumatic apparently.]



FINAL NOTE

I put the costs of things in pounds as we have folks from more nations than I can remember (30? 50?) that are reading this. Just go convert it to your local currency and prepare to be wowed. Unless you are Norwegian - they are use to things being more expensive there than in London! Gaaa!

IF IT BLEEDS, WE CAN KILL IT

TRAVEL + FOOD

Those who know me well (or have seen me at a distance) know I am a fat guy. I like food. A lot. I recently found a show called "Anthony Bourdain, No Reservations". He covers food in foreign countries. I've seen a few of his shows. He reminds me of Elliott Gould for some reason. He is snarky and sarcastic. So far, it's good to see. Obviously, I've not been watching shows to areas that I have no plans to go within the foreseeable future - like 'Cleveland'. Is that even a real place? I don't think so. [I realize people who are allegedly from 'Cleveland' might argue "Well, then you're not real either!" to which I respond "Well, duh."]

I did have a show on Italy on my computer but it was done by some lady who they had hired from the 'put people to sleep' company. I managed to get it off of my computer before I slipped into a coma.



German Stammtisch

Got back from 'German Stammtisch' (where people sit around a table speaking in German) and got reminded that 'Germans don't get American humor'.

I had said "I'm self deprecating."

One said (after we explained the phrase 'self deprecating') "Why? You want pity?"

I said "No, I do it for humor. Sometimes you blow things up for humor value."

Another replied "You explode things?"

I said "No. It's not like that. You just make things out of proportion to show the humor. Like instead of knocking you light someones house on fire to get them to come out."

"You burn down peoples' homes?"

Realizing I had completely lost them I replied "And wait outside with a machine gun."

Now, they think I am a sociopath.

Doh.

So - the lesson - if you are talking to someone born in a foreign country, slapstick is pretty much the big humor. Just fall down or talk about someone falling down in a humorous fashion. Don't make them think you'll come to their house, light it on fire and wait outside with a machine gun.

The sad thing is I had apparently lost at least one American in the discussion though I had a couple of others laughing.



"SMARTPEN"

Bert told me about this and I got to check it out at Best Buy. I didn't get to actually play with the pen but got to see a video at Best Buy rather. It looks interesting. Bert mentioned he is excited about getting one in the not too distant future. If he gives me his thoughts on it, I'll pass it on.

Yes, I do find it irritating that they continue to mangle existing couple words to describe something new. God help us if a time traveler came from the past and ran into our language. They would think we're complete idiots with words like 'smartpen', 'netbook' and 'texting'. It will be Idiocracy all over again.



BE A JEDI

You'd really think that Bert had less time on his hands than he apparently does with fixing two homes, moving, working and all of the rest but apparently he also found out it is actually possible for you to become a jedi. I haven't gotten to test out this new technology (nor do I think I will get to for awhile given my wandering coming up) but I will link an article Bert gave me as well as a youtube video that has some guy with a regular hand control on it for some reason.

One thing I found very troubling in the first article was that there is at least one person still jacking around in the 'virtual world' "Second Life". With the exception of 'if you speak into the mic people whose avatars are gathered around you closely can hear you and less so the further away you are' I found that to be nothing more than tons of dead space, advertisements and boredom.

Dealing with the new headset itself, I'm glad that they are making stuff like this although I think it will be a year or two before any decent games can incorporate this new, weird and exciting technology. It could be half a decade before any 'good' games can get it in there given the time it takes to understand new technology (assuming they release the codes to game companies) and plug it into a new game development cycle.

Games are certainly the driving force of new computer hardware. I can't really see someone developing anything like this without the mass market of games, though I think it is possible for this to be useful in a lot of stuff aside from games with clever thinking.

I'd like to thank Bert's diligence to new tech coming out and alerting me to it. If you (the reader) are thinking "I already knew about that!", well Bert beat you in the 'hey look, Logan, new shit!' notification so he gets the credit.

Food and Civilization

FOOD AND CIVILIZATION

Being that I am a fat man, I find that I like to equate many things to food - including the 'level of civilization'.

Primitive - 'Food quest' level of dining. This is the type of food that comes from bits normally not considered 'edible' by civilizations higher up what I'm thinking of as 'the food chain'. Most of the world seems to be on 'food quest'. Unless for religious reasons, vegetarians do not exist at this level. My belief as to why is that it is more of a 'if we don't eat (whatever) we die. So - an 'us vs them' type of mentality.

Basic - You have to get off your fat ass to go to the store or restaurant to get food but they eat normal stuff. They claim normally inedible parts of animals to be 'cultural delicacies'. One of the favored games of civilizations at this level is 'What will Effendi eat?' For those not knowing, 'effendi' in this case is referring to the tourist.

Normal (for highly developed countries) - No ears of animals and stuff like that to be found aside from in very specialized parts of the country. For example, the 'pork rinds' of the hicks of the USA. At this level, the dreaded vegan makes their appearance.

Decadent - "Who is still open for delivery at this hour?" You can also get specialized delivery organizations that will bring you whatever weird shit your heart is craving. If you want a pound of chocolate, a tin of sardines and an inflatable sheep at three in the morning - this level of civilization is the one that has organizations set up to get that for you and quick. At this level, the uber-vegan makes their appearance. The uber-vegan does not use any products that have been in an animal's shadow.



MOVIE REVIEW - LORD OF WAR

I'd give this about a 5 out of 10. It was a bit slower than I liked and overall a bit depressing. It did have a couple OK scenes and was well made.

Logan's movie scale:

1: This is so bad I don't know why the studio that made it hasn't been burned down.
2: This is so bad, I'd suggest rounding up all of the copies made of the film and destroying them. Or showing them to people instead of waterboarding them for much the same effect.
3: This is the usual rating I give to films I don't make it all of the way through. Either the film is too slow for me or has nothing that interests me.
4: I made it through the film and thought it was bad.
5: I am ambivalent about the film. If given a chance to see it again, I wouldn't but I'm not willing to slit my wrists for having seen it.
6: This is the minimum for making it into 'the collection'. Whether it gets watched again ever is anybodies guess. This is the minimum level I would recommend the film to anyone and no - I don't give them spoilers. I might say something like "I really liked the scene at the airport". That kind of information doesn't tell them anything and after they've seen the 'scene at the airport' they can say 'ah!' - or 'Logan's a tool'. Either way.
7: A good solid film.
8: A very good film indeed.
9: Films that are very close to the best but not quite there.
10: This is the kind of film that gets re-watched more than one time a year.


EUROPE AS SEEN THROUGH LOGAN'S EYES

This is my 'further wanderings' map. Apparently, I can't stay in the countries with the black slash through them for three months each - the EU (clack slashes through them) is considered one big country as far as the 'spend your three months here then get out' time goes. So, I'd have to 'duck into' for three months.

The countries that are crossed out in red are 'gosh are they expensive' countries.

The countries colored in red are ones that I'd want to find out more before going in as my safety might be a concern, or it is a 'real pain in the ass' to get into the country. For example, Saudi Arabia has a really 'we don't want tourists' way of getting the visas. You have to get them in advance, etc. Also countries that charge a bunch of money (like $100) - especially if they only let you stay there for a month. I can go back and see those countries after I see everything else.

Not sure if I want to enter Israel - doing so limits your travel options elsewhere as none of their neighbors seem to like them.

Note that this is only my 'Europe map'. I'm wanting to start there. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to travel or for how long. My body is really not doing well but I'm going to go for it with all of the gusto I can.



GEORGIA (the country)

Interesting fact, quote "Citizens of EU countries, the USA, Canada, Japan, Israel, Switzerland, Singapore, Norway, Iceland, Liechtenstein, Andorra, San Marino, Turkey, Kuwait, Qatar, Bahrain, United Arab Emirates, Oman, South Korea and CIS nations (except Russia) need no visa to visit Georgia for up to 360 days [2]."

Now that's what I call 'wanting tourists'! Leave our country for five days every year and you can stay here as long as you want!

Now - I have no idea if they have anything nifty to see there but the cost of living does look pretty inexpensive. Might be good to check out. From what I've read, seems there are some friendly folks there.

Naturally, they do have some 'parts of the country not under government control' - so I would need to be careful on where I traveled...



INDIA

I was talking to a guy from India today and mentioned that I might end up going there some time and he told me that they occassionally give foreigners really long - like several years - visas just to encourage them to stick around and spend money. I like that sort of attitude and I also like how cheap it is to live in India. I'll see if that sort of thing can happen when I get closer to being there.



GOOGLE SEARCH

Amazingly, this blog is the top search result if you search for "Logan's Voyage"! Woot.



LATEST BAG REPACK

I lost some clothing (intentionally) out of my bags. If anyone thinks of anything critical that I am needing, let me know - I think I've got enough 'extras' though. Here is what we've got it down to. Note, the clothing listed will be additional to what I am wearing. Most of the stuff is in water proof bags or clear 'freezer bags'.

Pair of shorts (can double as swim trunks if I need to horrify the natives)

Pair of sweat pants (black)

2 T-shirts, black, no writing.

4 sets of underwear

4 sets of socks (one of the travel writers mentioned that socks and underwear determine when he has to do his laundry - that sounds good to me so I'm taking less shirts/pants and more socks/underwear)

Travel towel

Power transformer (shitty)

Small, light possibly inappropriate gifts for friends (note to friends - please do NOT buy me anything as I won't be able to carry it. If you feel you wish to reciprocate, you can buy me a drink or something. These were VERY inexpensive gifts - a beer or two would certainly cover it. I got these small gifts way before I knew I'd be trying to live out of a bag for an unknown period of time).

Crappy travel alarm with instructions

Lotion, very small tube (it puts the lotion on it's skin)

Wash cloth

Drain stopper

Cord (as in cloth cord to tie stuff up with or make a wash line. Note - you should not read anything into the fact I am carrying both the lotion and cord. It is merely a coincidence).

Electric razor (that might go if I need to lighten the pack. I would then join the ranks of the unwashed bearded hippies. Dirty, dirty hippies).

Toiletries (miscellaneous shit your probably happier not knowing the specifics of. Instead, let your imagination run wild).

Flashlight (one of those LED ones - seems powerful as hell)

Earplugs (for when screaming at someone just won't do the trick)

Extra glasses in a 'crush resistant' case. (Note that I did not say 'crush proof' but it is the best I've got).

First aid kit containing:
* Some very old bandaids
* 3 spools of thread (very small spools, dark colors)
* 3 needles (I am worried that the TSA will say "Ah - plan to stab the pilot in his EYES and take over the aircraft, eh?")
* Very small container of Krazy Glue (Bert told me that if I get a blister from having walked too much that I can lance it, drain it and put Krazy Glue over it to make a second skin. This seems like it could work but I do have two thoughts on it: a) have you seen me? Do you really think I'm going to walk long enough to get a blister anywhere? b) I have thoughts that if I tried this, I would somehow get my foot stuck to the floor and end up with much worse pain. However, it is a good thought, very light so what the hell.)
* Small eyeglass repair kit (hope I'll never need that)

Extra crappy lock

Extra D-rings (these are the small ones for repairing my bags if the plastic crap on them goes. Not the big climbing ones. I don't plan on climbing on jack shit.)



Things yet to be packed:

Wires for all of my electronic shit. Having the electronic thing without the correct wires means I won't have the electronic thing long.

Medicine - possibly with my bulky blood pressure machine. High blood pressure is a pretty serious risk and mine has been way up lately. So I'm very much considering this.



Things I need to still buy then pack:

Rain poncho

Water purification tablets

Condoms (Fat, ugly people need love too. Plus I'd much rather have them and not need them than need them and not have them. Also, as we have seen in the movie "The Big Red One" I can make ten condoms into two gloves and deliver a baby if need be.)