WITH THANKS TO SHERLOCK "PETE" HOLMES

BITS AND BOBS

Still have conjunctivitis though the medicine is helping.  It might (might?) be on the downhill side.  [For those too lazy to google it, it is not contagious - unless you are one of my kids.  If you are or believe yourself to be, seek medical help immediately.  Or psychiatric help.  Probably both.]  I still remember the first time I got it and was literally down for months.  Thought I might go blind.  That would have made 'seeing the world' (or jack shit) problematic.

Living next to a special needs school and night club (not the same building) sucks for the noise.  Zoning laws don't seem to be really known in a lot of countries I live in.  During the daytime, the mentally handicapped scream at each other, at night the drunks scream at each other.  I've noticed quite a similarity.

Tomorrow is the last time I go to pay rent.  I'll pay it for ten days (150 euros) then I have only to tick off the last few days before I get to go visit my buddies in the states.  Looking forward to that.  I'll have to keep a better eye on my purchases.  I still remember being surprised at leaving behind a fairly well stocked fridge in Bulgaria because I hadn't kept good track of the time remaining.

It's been pointed out to me - quite correctly as well - to look at the expiration date on my passport.  It looks like I've got a bit over a year left on it.  Since at about the six month mark they actually become useless (most countries demand you have at least six months left on it) I will need to get a new one.  Due to the amount I travel I will probably try to get one with the extra pages already installed so it will cost twice as much (200 USD).





And now for a quote by Logan about Logan.

"Throughout my life, I've always made it a habit to befriend those younger than me.  That way, I don't have to watch them die from old age.  Of course, they'll have to watch me die but by the time it happens, I imagine for many of them it may be quite a relief."



HOT DAMN, THE HOSPITAL - AGAIN

The fun never ends!

Woke up at six AM - couldn't sleep.  Eyes, burning.  Not literally on fire.

Went and looked in the mirror and it did not look good.  At all.

If you are poor and uninsured, USA is the land of 'Fuck You' for medical stuff so I decided to head back to the local witch doctor.  Just kidding - hospital.

Walked about an hour to get there.  Fortunately, it is a small town because there sure the fuck weren't any taxis around.

Got around having to show any ID because I was still in their system from the last time (yea!).  Paid my eighteen euros to see the doctor.  I was told the eye doctor wasn't around today.  I responded that pretty much any of their doctors had a medical degree and presumably more experience doctoring than I do so I was good with any of them.

After checking in and paying you proceed to 'triage'.  They use the French word here and don't fuck around with silly things like 'patient inflow' or whatever.

At triage you see a nurse (no English) who assigns you your wristband.  The all important wristband.  The color of it determines how long your wait will be.  Red presumably means you are going to die really really soon.  It then goes yellow, green, blue and violet.

Some people will say it is best to be completely honest with the triage nurse but if you're in a hurry, try to spray her with your blood.  It may get you a better wristband color.

Mine was green!

Everything past red and yellow means your ass waits until they have a break in the action then they see you.  Guessing violet means you are too well to be in the hospital.

They have a chart on the wall that shows the waiting time but it lies like Trump.  It claimed an hour and ten minutes.  There were other people who had been there since six AM with a green band.

Fortunately, the hospital was empty of waiting room patients (less than ten) so it was only a three hour and some wait for me.  Better than the six or seven I had last time.  Yeah, you sit on your ass for a long time but for eighteen euros I am happy to wait for a medical professional.

Who...did not speak English.  He spoke five other languages including Russian.  My Russian is not good enough to discuss 'conjunctivitis' and medication and he looked rather alarmed when I began to speak in it.  Either my Russian is just as bad as I thought or his is worse than he let on.  Either way, speaking  a bunch of languages but not the one spoken all over the world - confusing.  He went off to find someone to translate.  He grabbed a nurse.

Him finding a nurse took more time than the actual appointment and that only took one minute.  He didn't bother to examine me - just gave me a prescription for some cream to put in my eyes and told me to keep using the ineffective eye drops I'd been using for the last couple days.

Bummer.

I was hoping for different eye drops.

But now I've got cream shit in my eyes and the world is a bit blurry.  Neat.

Tonight is pack up night, tomorrow is head to the airport time.

The doctor did say he suspected it was 'bad water', ie what comes out of the shower.  I'm hoping he is right.  If so, this should clear up shortly after I arrive at the states and stop using the water here, piped through the old city, to clean myself.



SO WHAT EVER HAPPENED WITH THIS SHIT?

Despite getting some unexpected help from a nurse who my buddy TJ made laugh to hard she about lost it, the eye problems persist.  Until I get out of this wretched country (USA) I can't afford to see a doctor nor buy eye drops.  So I wait and hope not to go blind in the meantime.  The eyes have gotten a tad better but not 100% yet.



IN THE USA

Jump forward in time a couple months because I've not written in a couple months - mainly in respect for the privacy of my fourteen (or more?) host families I'm staying with.

But I've been told by people who live outside of the USA that they are curious about what I see inside the USA.  So all of my observations you are reading in this section are thanks to a guy named Pete.  Yes, Sherlock Holmes Pete.  He is the one who told me to 'get cracking'.

So here are a few things I've noticed.  Keep in mind that the USA is a very big place.  "Your mileage may vary."  is a saying they use here.  For those that no longer think that using 5280 feet to measure a mile is a good idea (for more 'what the fuck' moments, visit this webpage) it might be better to say "Your experiences will vary."



"FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT." - AESOP

A common phrase I've heard in the USA is "If you don't like it, get the fuck out!"

I did.

I'm alternatively bored and offended by many things in the USA itself.  Good reason to get out and stay out.

Why return?

Friends.  If I had no friends in the USA, I would probably never return.  Hence, while reading my 'insights' into the USA, remember that I am a 'hostile witness' and this no doubt colors my perceptions.

Quick disclaimer:  Although I am sure there are other people who have gotten to journey through four states, stay with fourteen different families, go to half a dozen LARP events in a couple different system - I've never heard of it.  I am honored to be making such a journey.  Again.

The USA is a pretty dangerous country for me to travel in.  If I need medical attention, I may or may not get any.  I may or may not be able to afford it.  It may or may not be docked from my below poverty line income.  Fuck that.

To summarize, if you were wanting to host Logan (see Logan's Home Invasion 1 and 2 on Facebook), you'd better catch him when he comes through because it won't be fucking often.



RACISM

In other countries I have visited, racism is usually one extreme or another.  For example, when I was in Morocco, they had a LOT of immigrants from Sierra Leone.  These guys have super dark skin, hence are easy to differentiate from the usual cross section of Moroccans.  I asked the Moroccans about them and was told "They seem nice and are hard workers."

That is on one end.

The other end is 'It's genocide time!'

In the USA, it's usually more in the middle.  Although there are a ton of stupid racists

Look for this emblem for quick identification of 'stupid racists'...

in America, the racism that isn't 'newsworthy' is a lot more subtle.  "Blacks are fine - I just don't want to live next door to any because it brings down property values." would be an example.

Neat.

So let's call it often 'passive-aggressive racism' for the most part.

Another disclaimer:  I don't have friends who are racist.  They tend to unfriend my ass pretty quick or we never get around to friending in the first place.  The people I've gotten to stay at the homes of are thoughtful, kind and generous.  Which is super cool and gives hope for America.  Well, it would if they weren't so fucking outnumbered.



UNINCORPORATED AREAS

These are the areas outside of or surrounding a town.  They are not 'incorporated' into a town, hence 'unincorporated'.  There are several reasons someone may choose to live outside of town.  Some examples:

1.  They want to raise a big garden either because they are wanting to eat more healthy food or because they are poor.
2.  They want to raise non pet type animals either because they want to eat healthy, are poor or want a cheap sex doll.
3.  They really hate other races and want to hang out with white people.  Ethnic races (in the USA this means 'non-white' because...I'm not sure why) generally stick to inside of towns.   Also, should the people outside of town want to have a 'purge night' - wait - sorry - I've been watching too much Rick and Morty.

Or, bigger homes, cheaper homes, more land or cheaper land.



FOOT TRAVEL WITHIN THE USA

It's a fucking nightmare.  Where as I could walk across a town of 50,000 people within an hour (Faro, Portugal) just getting into town in Galesburg, IL (population 30,000) and to a decent restaurant and back about three hours.

Not great for walking about.  Sometimes no sidewalks.  In the USA, everyone is assumed to have their own car.  If you don't have a car you are assumed to be a poor, stupid loser and the USA hates the poor a lot.  If someone is talking about what good public transportation a city has it is because it is an exception.



More thoughts later if and when I come up with some!

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN EUROPE AND USA

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN EUROPE AND USA

There are a lot of differences between Europe and the USA. For example Americans pay ten to twenty percent less in taxes than other developed countries.  Of course, you don't see that in your bank account but you will be crippled financially for decades due to student loan payments and medical bills.  But best not to talk about that...

...and move on to something lighter.



INSECTS

There seem to be a lot less of them in Europe.  The average European doesn't have - nor need - screens on their windows and doors.  This is slowly changing as screens are making their way into Europe.

To give an example, in the USA if you look at any random street light at night, you will find insects teeming around it.  Not so in Europe.

My personal belief is possibly the slaying of the indigenous population left us with some sort of curse.

Not sure what more we can do for the survivors - we have named several sports teams after them...

...And even gave them casinos...

I mean, what more could people want?  Well, other than not being slaughtered.

My god, this gif can get annoying.  On to the next thing...



ELECTRIC KETTLE

Believe it or not, I had to go to England to see one of these.  Really.

They just don't have them in America.  Instead, we have

Yep.  This blurry shitty picture is the best I could find.  'Merica!  And Logan's laziness.  Laziness is indeed a stereotype of Americans.

It seems to baffle Europeans that people in the USA don't own electric kettles.  "How do you heat water?" I have been asked on numerous occasions.

When I moved in to my apartment in Macedonia, the kind people I rented it from made sure the apartment had a comfortable rolling chair for my ever widening ass and...and electric kettle.  I'd asked for a microwave which baffled them.  I was warned that I would become sick (and possibly die) if I used it overly much.  "If that were true, most of America would have already died." I retorted.

After having lived in Europe for a year or two (?) I would say that if you drink instant coffee or tea, an electric kettle is indispensable.   It heats up water faster than the stove will and I've heard that some advanced models even have a 'keep the water warm' setting.  Honestly though it heats up fast enough you really don't need that.



PHARMACIES

In the USA, especially if you have medical insurance, you go to the doctor if you think something is wrong.  Within Europe you go to the doctor if you think something is severely wrong or you are dying.

Instead of going to the doctor, you go to the pharmacy.   In the USA, it seems you need a prescription for almost everything.  For example, I take medicine for high blood pressure, muscle relaxants and for my ankylosing spondylitis.  A prescription is needed for all five medicines, which entails an expensive and time consuming doctor visit.  Every other country I've been to - including all the European nations I have visited - all these drugs are over the counter.  Although I've chosen to go to a doctor to have the prescriptions verified from time to time, it is not obligatory.



WASHING MACHINES

Coming from the land of top loading washing machines, the front loader is one of the most baffling things about Europe.

These are a huge pain in the ass.

When the machine is running, the door automatically locks to keep you from opening it and spilling a couple of liters of hot, soapy water onto your floor.

While this may sound reasonable in principle, it is one of the worst designs I've ever seen.

Often the door decides to stay locked until it feels like opening.  If ever.

With the top loader, you can open it whenever you want without the risk of a foot bath and burn.  The machine merely stops whatever it was doing.

Forget to add some socks?  No problem with a top loader - just open it up and toss them in there.  Front loader?  Too bad.  Maybe you can get it open but you feel a bit like...

...you're trying to crack a safe.  In fact, I've had an easier time getting into a couple of safes than some of these front loaders.

So why do Europeans use them?  According to some sources, they do a better job, use less water and detract less from counter space when installed in the kitchen and are more gentle on clothing.

From my perspective, using the top loader is much easier, therefore better.  See American stereotypes above.



PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION

Having lived in five different states within the USA (Arizona, Colorado, Illinois, Nebraska and Virginia) I would have to say "Public transportation in the USA sucks donkey cock."

Within Europe, public transportation is easy to use.  Buses, streetcars, subways, bike paths and so on.

America, not so much.   Women see men who don't own a car as a loser.  Corporations also want you to drive and are not above evil means to make that happen.  Lots of places in the USA don't have adequate public transportation and unless you own a car, keeping a job won't happen.

Don't get me wrong, plenty of people in Europe own cars but public transportation is a viable option.  Heck, you can even travel across Europe using public transportation.



FURTHER READING

I thought this article was an interesting read.  Disclaimer:  No, I am not trying to get anyone to move anywhere.  Honestly, I don't care where you live.  It would make me happy if more people from the USA left it to travel extensively and see some of the world.  It opens doors in your mind you did not know were there.



FOR PEOPLE NOT FROM AMERICA

Do not be discouraged by my views on the differences.  Although Winston Churchill said “When I am abroad, I always make it a rule to never criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.”, I am not planning on living in the USA any more so have to do it from abroad.


For Europeans planning on visiting the USA, here are five recommendations.

First - unless you are wealthy, you'll want to travel in a group of two to four people to reduce costs.  I recommend renting a vehicle large enough to sleep in as most of America hasn't really figured out the whole 'hostel' thing yet.  Hotels are freakishly expensive.  They have showers at some rest stops and you can get your own camp showers.

Yeah, it sucks but it beats blowing a hundred dollars a night for a hotel.



Second - when you go to a restaurant, have only one person order food and the other share with them.  Seriously - you will get at least double the portions and can feed two, maybe three people from one order.  This will help you save money.  Remember, unless you tip at least 15% to 25% or make sure you never go to that restaurant again.  Unless you like steak seasoned with ass.  The movie Waiting will show some of the dreadful things that can happen should you run afoul the staff of a restaurant.



Third - be sure to visit the 'hick'/'redneck' states.  I did a search on the internet to try to get a good map of which states are included in this.  The best I could find was this map:

I have no idea why the 'most religious states' are those most closely associated with hick/redneck culture.

But if you want to watch people race lawnmowers (yes), go noodling, attend tailgating parties, get to see an individual's closet full of guns and meet some really unique people...

...you owe it to yourself to go there.



Fourth, the USA is frigging huge.

While you don't need to plan out how long to spend at each location (don't recommend it either) I do recommend coming up with some sort of route.  This can make it much more probable you will hit all of the things you want to see.



Lastly, be sure to speak with people outside your group.  If you are looking for...intimate companionship, know that Americans love foreign accents.  Except Mexican.  There we have a bit of racism.  But if you are from Europe especially countries Americans get excited about the thought of visiting (not actually visiting, just the thought of it) such as France, Switzerland, etc you will find 'picking someone up' (ie one night stands aka quick sex aka bonk bonk vroom vroom...  Hopefully, you get the idea) much easier than a local.  Play up on your 'being exotic'.  Enjoy.



WEIRD SHIT AND MEMES

Be careful what you type in.  Notice that 'lobbyists' fails to appear?  Was Google bribed by one?  If only the aliens had paid up!

Know your Gods!

What an amazing sight to come home to every day.

There is some of that in this fucking blog.

Because 'Merican!

Wish I'd found this for my previous blog.  It could have used more casual racism.

But not this much.  Way over the line here.  Note, if I still have any fans of Asian ancestry, be sure to write in and tell me how much you love this blog.  Despite me.

Lastly, this reminds me of my good friend Chris C.  He use to have a profound skill in projectile vomiting.  Also, this blog may cause some people to do this.

LOGAN'S HOME INVASION

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Innkeeper:  I hope the child isn't making too much noise.
Logan:  Don't worry - the noise they make is only one of the two reasons I don't want to have kids.
Innkeeper:  (pause)  You don't like children?
Logan:  Their little voices cut through my soul like broken glass.  Other than that, they're fine.
Innkeeper:  (smiles uncertainly)  So kid no problem?
Logan:  None for me thanks, none of that immaculate conception rubbish either.  If I end up being someone's father I want my five seconds of joy in return for eighteen years of suffering.
Innkeeper:  I don't understand you.
Logan:  I get that a lot - even in America.



FES AIRPORT NOTE

They have two different money changers.  The government one you must produce a receipt showing you got money out of the ATM or a receipt of exchange in order to use them.  The non-government one, you grab your ankles.



CONDOR AIRWAYS

You check in either via telephone (ancient tech) or online.  For online check in, you are required to reserve your seat.  According to the website, if you don't check in two  hours or more before your flight, they threaten you with losing your seat.  Online, the seat reservation is either a 'joker' reservation where they put you in any seat they want for 5 EUR or pick a seat for 15 EUR.  I picked a seat away from everyone else and ended up getting two seats for the ten hour flight. Worth it.

Also, unlike Ryan Air, Condor was very helpful in the terminal and printed off my boarding pass.  Condor Air seemed much nicer to deal with.

If you are too lame to carry standard headphones, Condor Air is happy to rent you some to watch the in flight movies for 3.50 EUR.



AIRPORT NOTES

Sitting and people watching at an airport is a good time.  I lost count of how many people I saw sprinting through the airport, apparently late for their plane.  Even a couple people who completely missed it.  Why more people don't show up several hours early when they have so much money riding on the line is a mystery.



FRANKFORT AIRPORT NOTES

They have two different airports.  One is Hahn which is no where close to Frankfort and the other is Frankfort International Airport.

For 14 EUR, you can take a pretty comfortable bus between the two for the couple hour drive.

While on this bus, I met up with a German girl who is 'from' and has lived in more nations than I can remember.  We chatted until she literally fell asleep.  If I were able to strike up conversations with pretty girls this easily when I was young, I'd have been a menace.



ARRIVAL IN THE STATES

First thing in the states, I told the people at customs I was 'jonesing for a cigarette'.  They informed me smoking on airport grounds was an 'arrestable offence' and this late at night all of the taxis were gone so I'd have to walk off airport grounds to have a smoke.   I made dismaying noises and they all had a good laugh at my expense.

This is good because they were so busy laughing they didn't search my bags.  I had 'a few' extra cigarettes and my meds which might have otherwise been seized.

For those wondering, yes, I intentionally fed them that straight line.



ORLANDO AIRPORT NOTES

Homeland security seems to have taken over the airports and is now making people remove their shoes and hop into the "I can see you naked" machine in order to continue justifying their huge budget.



NOTE ON TRAVEL DISTANCES IN THE USA

For my European friends, a good example why you need a vehicle:  My friend Tim lives approximately 50 KM away from where he regularly shops.  Bit too far to comfortably walk.  Everything in America (aside from in the big cities) is a ways away.



RACIAL PROFILING

My friend Tim was wearing a Ghutra (traditional Arabic head wrap) because he likes it and during the summer it keeps your head cool.

We were approaching a Chinese restaurant to see if it was still open.  As we walked toward it, we both heard a 'click' from the door of Stafford Ballet Academy.

They locked the fucking door in fear we might think about entering.

It wouldn't surprise me if the proprietor was hiding behind the counter, frantically dialing 911.



BIG BAG WEIGHT

Bloated up to 16.7 KG.  I'm going to dump a bunch of stuff very soon.

In the US, it was 36.5 LBS.  I looked shocked and protested - so used to kilos.  "It's in American." she explained.  Yes, welcome back to  the land of obsolescent measuring systems.



PARENTAL IRONY

When I told my parents I was going to Central and South America, they immediately warned me of drug cartels.  In Morocco, one of the cities I visited (Essouara?  The 'Blue City')  actually produces one quarter of all the hash consumed in the world.



PHILOSOPHY

Why was the person who invented 'babble headed dolls' allowed to live?

On idealistic 18-20 year olds and those who 'want to save the world':  "Kind of like watching someone paint their house with water colors.  It's amusing and a little sad.  You know that after the first big rain, most of it will be swept away and that the whole thing is ultimately fruitless."



QUOTES

(From Dave, Tim Van Theemsche's friend):  "If you do meet Logan, you'll know why Tim is the way he is."

Touching!



VIDEOS

Weaving in Fes

And, from America:
Swing Hat
American Dream
Malls explained 1, 2, 3, 4
Sunlight hurts
Tim in native environment



COSTS

Duty free cigarettes (on Condor Air), 39.50 EUR in a 'two for one' deal.  I'd heard smokes were 8 USD per pack.  In Virginia (tobacco growing state) they are 5 USD per pack.

In USA:

Beer, in restaurant, on sale, approx .3 liter, 3 USD
Lunch special (two meals of food), $11

Note, in the USA how they keep the herd fat is they offer insane deals like "If you want half an order (of food) it is $8 - full sized order is $9."  For a 16 oz (?) drink it is 1.49 USD.  Double the size, 1.69 USD.  Americans have no chance.