SUPERFLUOUS THAILAND VISITATION

SUPERFLUOUS

Yeah.  Got to use that shit in a title.  And it meant what I wanted.  Suck it, Pulitzer prize committee.



SE ASIA 'CLOCK'
These are Logan's observations.  While I have had some other travelers agree with them (or at least think they were humorous) you may have your own ideas on these.  Good.  Here are mine:


Sunrise minus 2 till sunrise: The only people up at this time are generally tourists dumb enough to think that something is more special at sunrise. Or want to be able to brag to people they saw x at sunrise.

Sunrise till ten: If you enjoy seeing closed shops, this is the time to wander around. Most shit you want to see and do is closed.

Ten till sundown: Some stuff open, a lot of people on siesta. They don't call it that here but avoiding the big angry orb in the sky is smart.

Sundown till sundown plus three: This is the time to go and see and do everything. Hell, a lot of stuff doesn't open till this time.

Ten till midnight: Sensible drinking at nice places.

Midnight till four: Poor choices, increased chance of bad shit.

Four till sunrise: Only the truly desperate are out and about.



PHARMACY ADVENTURES

In Thailand, they have either tuk tuks (see 'pro tip' below!) or 'meter taxi'.  As I've probably said in the past, both are often  (usually?) staffed by insistent beggars and rip off artists.  Especially the ones parked around tourist areas.  After being told they wanted to charge me five to ten times what the journey should cost and hell no they won't use the meter I decided to instead catch the water taxi to the hospital.  It is on the opposite side of the river near Khao San Road.

For those not in the know, Khao San Road ("Co like 'cope'" and sometimes spelled Khaosan Road because 'reasons') is the fluffy bunny tourist area.  If you aren't here for whoring or getting your perverted fix, this is the place.  Family friendly and all.

Since this is the tourist spot, the prices are a lot higher than other places.  I asked where to get medicine (as it is restocking time) and was told to go to the hospital - they have many pharmacies near there.

I chatted with various Thais when I made it across the river taxi (step lively or die horribly) and was directed to one.

A fellow customer told me I was very lucky to be at this particular pharmacy as it is the cheapest one in Bangkok.  I told her I was freakishly lucky.  Four different medicines for a year, about $100 to $125.  They were only missing one.  Since I will eventually be back to Bangkok (possibly to meet a friend as well as catch my eventual plane back to Jolly Ole England) I may end up swinging back by there to get the missing medicine if I can't find it in Cambodia.

Buying in bulk raised some eyebrows.  I was asked if I would be taking it back to my home country, maybe reselling it, etc.  Note that they were still going to sell it to me - they were either just curious or were looking to get cut in on the deal.  After assuring them it was all for me for the next year and that I had no home they gave up on that line of questioning.

So I got most of the medicine I need.  Hopefully, I can get the rest at some point soon and not have to worry about it for another year.

What is shocking is that the meds cost less on the open market here than I'd have to pay with the VA (Veteran's Affairs) office footing most of the bill in the USA.  Folks get mighty ripped off there for some rich people's stock prices.

Cambodia note on pharmacies:  The ones in Cambodia seem a bit grittier and it is a fucking epic quest to find something.  Seriously, you may end up wandering to eight different shops to find one thing you need.  While this isn't bad if you are a fat fuck and need to either eat less or burn more calories and fucked if you're eating any less sooooooo....



PRO TIP

I've come across this when dealing with people who have never been in SE Asia.  "Tuk tuk" is pronounced 'took took' - like "I took your pudding."  No idea why it is spelled the way it is.

No idea why it is said this way but book readers sound like idiots when they mispronounce it.  Because drivers are constantly trying to get you into one by stating what it is, anyone spending more than an hour here has heard the correct way of saying it at least a dozen times.  And probably has developed some rage.



WHAT AM I DOING IN BANGKOK?

Heroic Cthulhu.

Recorded in London, England and put up on youtube.  Both audio only and audio with visual formats.

These are TTRPG's which have been recorded and people seem to enjoy watching or listening to.

Currently, I am working on the second season.



WHEN SUDDENLY

Through the magic of staggering out when I write this thing, I am suddenly now back in Siem Reap Cambodia because well, fuck Bangkok.  I've really been there too much.  For like $8 a night I was staying in a pretty miserable room with a fan.  For $13 a night I now have AC and a mini fridge and the room looks really nice. 

And beer is cheaper than water (at restaurants/bars).  Seriously.

The current price for beer is fifty cents.  If you buy a water at a store it is maybe thirty cents (Cambodia uses the US dollar as it's currency - yes, really) but at restaurants it is generally seventy five cents to a dollar.  It's nice to see that the price of beer (and rooms) haven't increased in the last seven years here.  I know I've not been making more money.

Siem Reap seems to me to be a bit more squalid and trashy than it was.  Not sure why that is.  I don't mind squalid and trashy - it's generally cheaper to live in places like that.  Wondering what is causing it here though.  Due to various physical ailments nobody else gives a fuck about (take a lesson old people) my walking has been cut down to about a third of what it was.   Plus breaking my foot twice.  By stepping on it.  Too fat for my own feet.  (Note - if you make a joke about the physical ailment, you might be able to get away with mentioning it but it had better be a fucking short joke you rambling old bastards!)

Now I'm staying at my favorite restaurant, 'Viva!' in Pub Street within the heart (there's not much else) of Siem Reap.  I'd often seen signs advertising the place for $20 per night and figured I'd treat myself for a night while I looked for  something more affordable.  Haggling got the price down.  If you can't haggle, learn to be rich instead!

The manager of Viva! even gave me a card for 15% off of the food (in perpetuity) since I'd been a customer here for years.   Though grateful, I was thinking "It is NOT easy to get one of these fucking cards!" 



RAINY SEASON VS DRY SEASON

A lot of people hear 'rainy season' and say 'eek' because they think they're made of sugar.  While I don't recommend wandering around in SE Asia's rain (you'll probably get sick - a lot of things here can make you sick) it normally does not rain all day.  It normally rains for an hour or two then it's done.  And the temperature is much cooler.  Of course you then have to deal with tons of standing water (they are not good at making roads or sidewalks or gutters here) and 'squirt stones'.  Long time readers of the blog will remember those are the loose pieces of sidewalk that get water trapped under them.  You step on them with one foot and dirty water squirts onto your other shoe, leg, friend, etc.  That's what I call them anyway and they are fairly prevalent.

Right now (NOV) it is on the cusp of the two seasons - the only two they have.   The rainy season is ending and the dry season beginning.  Neat.

It's great that I've managed to procure lodging now and will be paying in advance because the great 'wander around' time for the ordinary person (New Years) approaches.  They don't really do much for Christmas out here other than a few expats and it's not a holiday I care about.  Actually, none of them are (you people need an excuse to drink?  What's that all about?) except where it impacts travel.   New Years is a huge one.  Get your lodging early, pay in advance.  Don't go anywhere.  Hunker down.  Buy some provisions (alcohol, water, snacks) in advance so you don't have to worry about it.

Ensure your place is rented out for these holidays - preferably in advance - or you'll end up paying a premium for the week before and after.  Unless that country celebrates Christmas - then a week before Christmas till a week after New Years is premium time.  Plus, all of the transport will be crowded or possibly even sold out.

The next time I will need to travel won't be until February.  At that point I will head back to Bangkok, go to the airport then fly back to England.  And hang out there making Heroic Cthulhu season 2.



THAI TRANSLATION

'Sausage' = shitty hot dog.  Think one of the cheap ones in the bargain bin that rednecks turn up their noses at.

'Ham' = think about a piece of Oscar Mayer bologna, inexpertly heated up (ie part hot and part cold - somehow rather than just being lukewarm).

'Egg' =  the 'eggy' taste will be double or triple what you are probably use to.  Plan accordingly.

PRICES

(As of OCT/NOV 2017!)

Water taxi, 15 baht.  Note - make sure the boat is pointed in the direction you want to go.  They do NOT turn around.  (At least not where I was.)

Decent place to stay, nothing fancy but great internet, 300 baht.  (That's less than a cheap meal at a lower class English pub.  Really.)  Note that the internet in Viva (Cambodia) seems better.  Weird.

Beer - half a dollar.  Contrast with Thailand's three to four dollars for a beer and wonder why anyone fucking goes there to drink.

Within shops, you can get loads of different alcohols for around ten to twelve dollars per bottle.  [They do have wine here but there is way too much to know about wines to mess with them for nice wine.  I've not yet started mixing red and coke yet though that may happen in the future.  Or not - I have enough of that in England to keep me happy.  Also, they don't have any (that I've spotted) truly cheap (four or five dollars a bottle) wine here though I've not really been looking.  Most seems to be around twelve to fourteen dollars at a glance.]

Tuk Tuk (Cambodia) - for short rides if you're giving them over two dollars, you're horrible at this.  Seriously.

BACK IN SE ASIA

BACK IN SE ASIA

I arrived back in Thailand today and it is amazing how fast the old protocols were invoked.  I'm not sure when I was last in SE Asia but it doesn't seem like long ago.

After landing, I was out of sorts and needing a lie down.  Eleven hours or longer of sitting in a small seat is not a huge amount of fun.

The heat was like a crocodile attack.  Sudden and unexpected.  (Should have I expected it?  Yes.  The rational part of me did but...wow.)

Turns out that while I was gone, the old King of Thailand died.  Today was the end of the one year long death rites the country held for him.  I gave my condolences to a police inspector I met and he seemed pleased.

Since some members of the royal family were to drive by, all of the locals (and me) had to sit along the sides of the road.  Better than trying for everyone bowing.  Yeah, I got to have a cop help me to leverage my bulk up after it was over.  

Because they were having this big celebration, the normal bus that goes all the way to Kao San Road (main tourist place in Bangkok to stay) only went part way.  From there it was walking time.  About a kilometer and a half with all my shit.  During the noon day heat.  Yea.

Heatstroke has been suffered in the past so when it is approaching, I know the feelings and signs.  Did a few stops at 7-11's (best shop in Thailand) to re-hydrate.

Began to play the 'how much is this place' game.  It's a lot easier with a rolling suitcase though I miss the backpack a bit.

Eventually, found a place for 250 baht ($7.50) per night, shared bathroom and not a great place.  Staying here currently.  After getting the room, I took a cold shower in the communal bathroom then passed out for a few hours.

Midday naps are back.  

After I woke up, I wandered around playing the 'can I do better' game and picked up a liter and a half of water.  Eventually, found a place for $4 more per night that is loads less depressing and noisy.  We'll see how it sleeps.  Until I've stayed a night or two at a place, there is no final rating.

Although I didn't feel hungry, I went and found some vegetarian food to eat (spring rolls) and had a pineapple shake.  Total price, 150 b/$4.50 USD.

The protocols:

If you don't prepare (and give plenty of time for your body to adjust) for a big weather change, you will suffer.  Hydrating helps.

For 'adventure visiting' (no plans, just show up), find a place that will sleep 'for a night'.  A lot of BS can be put up with for one night.  Drop bags there, then go find a better place.   Remember that the only places that have much of an internet presence (at current) are the expensive ones.  The difference between the expensive and cheap places to stay is often 'the person running it knows how to advertise on the internet'.  And a bunch of money per night.

If you don't have a large bottle of water (make sure it is sealed when you buy it or suffer later) in your room, you will suffer.  Use this both to drink and brush your teeth.  Most people don't have horrible shit (literal) happen to them for using tap water.  Perhaps you won't either.  How many days of your carefully horded vacation time would you like to wager against saving thirty cents?  If you use the entire bottle to brush your teeth with.  (Hint:  You've done the hand motions for getting water out of the tap so many times it has become muscle memory.  Drop a cloth over the tap, balance the cap for the water on the tap or something to disrupt this process.)  [For those staying at really posh places, they may think the 'poshness' of their taps means the pipes the water comes from are also new and posh.  Again, would you like to bet on it?]

Go vegetarian for your first night in a place or eat something 'simple'.  Hopefully not American fast food.  Try to rise above that.

Don't forget to get a 'stupid card' from where you are staying.  This is what I call the business card of the hotel.  If you just want to remember the name, great but keep in mind that they don't have a lot of copyright laws here so if 'The Walden' is doing good, several other people may decide to name their place the Walden as well.  Yes, really.  Also, most people in the world seem to be absolute rubbish at making and reading maps.  Keep that in mind when you are looking at the handy map on the business card and wanting someone else to look at it as well.

More later!

TWENTY FIRST CENTURY DUH

THE NARRATIVE

At the place where the bridge over the river Kwai was built.

Note, the guy who made the story sucked at geography but the Thais renamed the river.  Capitalism wins!

Anyway, the town is pretty sucky in terms of places to stay.  I did get lucky (kind of) and found a cheap place.  No wifi in the mosquito infested room but I was fricking exhausted last night and pretty much passed out after a full day of travel.

After checking a dozen (maybe more) places I can tell you that they want a premium to look over their slightly historic river.  Twenty five to thirty dollars (or much more) will secure you a moderately average room that would cost half that elsewhere.

The streets are littered with the small hole in the wall bars where tourists of a certain age go to get drunk and women of a certain demeanor go to extract money from their wallets through their penis.

Overall, not feeling this town.

After spending a couple hours listening to people quoting stupid prices to me, I found a place (400 baht) which says they have wifi in the room.  Due to the Asian mindset of 'copy the hell out of anything that works' it seems a town is either wifi or not.   This one is not.  Which is sad for Logan.

Naturally, I can't check out the room until 12:30pm as it is occupied currently.  That gives me an hour and a half more of sitting around.

Fortunately, this place is (for some reason) on the 'tourist trail' so getting around is very easy.  For 100 baht, I can take a tuk tuk to the bus station.  For 140 baht, I can go all the way back to Ko san road in Bangkok.  I didn't come up with the pricing structure.

Hence, my current plan is to head to the hotel which has promised (hum) wifi in the room.  And a table/chair.  I have doubts.  If it doesn't work out, it's back to the bus station and I head to a less touristy place hoping to find a hotel whose owner hasn't taken a lot of crack before coming up with the price structure.  If it does work out, I'll hang out here for a bit to check it out.

Not sure what the next town on the list will be like but I'm heading off the tourist trail as I go south toward Malaysia.



TWENTY FIRST CENTURY DUH

I was going to call this the 'duh factor' but according to Urban Dictionary, it has already been assigned a different meaning.

I've been listening to a lot of audio books and have noticed a common element.  Many of the main characters are stupid.  I'm not talking average intelligence but just dim.

As George Carlin said, "Think about how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that!"

I've come up with two possible reasons why authors are writing about stupid people, especially for purposes of comedy:

a) relatability.  There are a lot more stupid people than smart ones and you want to sell more books, right?

b) ease.  It's easier to write books about stupid people.  Need them to go into bad situations with no preparation?  Have to get stuff explained to them for the purposes of exposition?  Playing some sort of word game to try to ratchet up tension because your story is kind of lame?

He's coming!
Who?
Him!
Oh gods - you don't mean - .
Yes - Gregor!

Yeah, fuck you, nobody talks like that.  Only lame writers.  Here's the real way.

"Gregor is coming!"
"Fuck!"

Less build up.  Sorry.  Write a better story and it will be build up enough without that shitty literary device.  However, if you are writing about morons, it is at least conceivable they talk like that.  They probably won't object and say they don't because morons aren't big readers.  Otherwise, they might not be morons.

This means you should feel better for reading this blog.  It may not be "Phaedrus" but fuck, you are actually reading something that doesn't have a lot of pictures.  You should feel better about life.  Plus, Phaedrus hasn't gotten any better in the last couple thousand years and this blog is much more topical.

I also worry about so many stories getting made about below average intellect people simply because it may be another step toward the inevitable outcome that is Idiocracy.  That movie still gives me the chills as it is a sad prophecy.

To reward you for your resilient reading, here's a picture:

What kind of dickhead would reward people for reading with a picture that has more writing on it?  The same kind of guy who walks into a house with a big ole bucket of KFC, announces "I've got KFC!" then sits down and eats the whole bucket?

Eh - close...

BOOK REVIEWS

The Shifter Chronicles

7/10

In this book, the mundane and supernatural worlds already have a treaty.

The melding of the two worlds seems to me much more benevolent than I think it would ever go down in real life - contrast this with the Demon Accords series.

As can be seen by my rating, I did enjoy this series.  You can see the slow advancement of the main character who is in his early or mid twenties but acts like an angsty teen in the first book up to a fairly mature figure in book three.

The three books should be taken as one long book - they don't stand on their own.  You need to read them in order.

I liked the minor characters and the world (backdrop) seems OK.  You don't see the authors gaps in knowledge too often though like any teen book (more noticeable early on, less later) authority figures are either evil or inept/ineffectual.

If there were more books in the series, I'd have read them but for some reason there are currently only three out.  This series should easily lend itself to many more.

For some reason, the author doesn't seem to have an easy (for Logan to) find Facebook page so I can find out when more books are released.  For small (not Stephen King) authors, this seems counter intuitive.



PRICES (Thailand)

Pedicure, 100 baht (about $3)

BEAR NOODLES OR LINES DEVELOP?

GOOGLE TRANSLATE

"Bear noodle or lines develop?"  The waitress asked me on her phone.  Taking a wild guess at it, I went with making small motions.  She smiled and nodded.  Got small noodles.  I've no idea what is going on with google translate but it doesn't seem to like Thai.

The restaurants were pretty much the only thing I really didn't like about the town of Khon Kaen.  Sure, Thai food is in my top ten but after a couple weeks solid of eating it I really wanted some variety.

The hotel room was lovely and large with a non-Narnia (or dead hooker) wardrobe.

It didn't look as cool as this because Asian creativity seems to be reserved for historical times or I'm staying in places that simply can't afford it.  And there were no children creeping around.  Or goat legged freaks.

The wifi was good at the hotel until about three or four AM when some idiot would turn it off.  Till I went down and convinced them it did not need to 'rest' and the amount of electricity they would save for having it off a couple hours was negligible.

The town itself was OK and I did spend a decent amount of time wandering it.

After a couple weeks there I was ready to go somewhere else.

Because the town is not on the 'tourist trail', that means I got to travel on a series of buses and such like a local.  Cheaper, slower and more crowded.  (See 'costs' section below.)

Eventually we reached the border where a dirty scruffy guy attached himself to me saying I would need his help.  Turns out I did.

The border is poorly organized with the place you need to buy your visa stamp inexplicably far away from the place you get your stamp.  I've no idea why they do this as it is illogical and frustrating.  Also, the building is fairly innocuous and unlabeled.  Maybe they just want a reason for the dirty scam artists to be employed.

But yet...

Soon enough he started in on wanting to get me transport.  Forty dollars.  Oh yes, he was the driver.  Yes, it was a normal taxi.  You would be sharing the vehicle with two other tourists.  All lies, of course.  After I told him I wouldn't be needing transport the price dropped by half.  Note, this is pretty close to the regular price.   Because it was so late in the day (we'd end up arriving at midnight) I went along with it.

The vehicle and company oddly ended up better than advertised.  I was going with a Russian tour guide named 'Oscar' (harder 'ar' on the end than the USA pronunciation) who was getting his ride for free as his company often rented the van.  Just the driver, Oscar and I.  We had an enjoyable conversation and decided to pay a visit to the Mexican restaurant Viva before the kitchen closed.

Over my objections Oscar paid for the food.  I was suppose to hear from him over Facebook and get the next meal but I suspect he got busy.  Some other time.

And now I'm back in Siem Reap.  I'd picked up the extendable 'ordinary' visa rather than the normal tourist visa.  We'll see how I feel about staying here after a month has passed.  If I can tough it out, I may stay a second month to avoid travel during Christmas/New Year.  Bad time to travel if you don't have to.

There's not a whole lot going on worth blogging about right now.  I'm back to having a choice of food and the staff of Viva has taken to tempting me with margaritas.  Oh, the evil.



COSTS

Taxi from the hotel to the bus station, 70 baht
Bus to Kolat, 120 baht
Bus from Kolat to near the border, 155 baht
Crossing the border, 100 baht in a 'tip' to a guy who lied about everything but did help out.
Private vehicle to Siem Reap, $20

YOU CAN'T GET TO THERE FROM HERE

YOU CAN'T GET TO THERE FROM HERE

After sitting around in Khon Kaen for another few weeks, I am really bored of it.  I realize that going back to a city I've spent so much time in (Siem Reap) may get boring as well but the restaurants here are quite frankly not very good.

Great hotel room (aside from no mini fridge) but not great food.

I miss Mexican food.

So on Monday it is 'bug out' time.

I decided today to go to the bus station to find out what the 'real deal' is.  Realize that a lot of what you read on the internet either turns out to be fiction or wildly outdated.  Or just can't seem to happen for you for unknown reasons.  It's nothing like Western Europe where getting around is bloody easy, though expensive.

Any time you want information within Eastern Europe or SE Asia, you will usually consult what I think of as a 'brain trust'.  It is seldom, outside of tourist areas, where you will find one person who is knowledgeable about giving directions to the foreigner.   When you consult someone, they will gather others in.  Much like a beehive, they will all work together to find the solution.

It turns out to be about half an hour, two different dialects of Thai and a lot of arm waving.  Google translate seems about butt useless in so far as translating Thai.  Guess it is just 'too foreign' of language.  Hell, they can't even agree on English spellings of different place names.  You'll find some wildly different ones.  I've no idea why that is.

After consulting with one 'brain trust' at the hotel, a taxi was summoned and he took me to a bus station I'd not been to before.  This was good news as I thought I'd have to go to the half an hour out of town bus station.  This one was in town.  There, we consulted with another four person brain trust.

I just kept repeating I wanted to go to Cambodia.  The consensus was that 'you can't get to there from here'.  Apparently, Khon Kaen is where you can easily get a bus to destinations northward.  Laos, Vietnam, northern Thailand.  No problem.  But, to go to the south, I need to go to a place which might be called "Kolat".

I say 'might be' because I can't find it on a map.  I'm told that the bus ticket is 116 baht.  About $4.

According to Google, Kolat might be Korat (the ole L and R problem Asians seem to have, again) which is also known as Nakhon Ratchasima.  I say just agree on a town name and stick with it.  Not in Asia - it would make things too easy.  I'm sure there is some sort of strange reason going back to 'pre-USA' times for it.  Goat trails and all that.

My plan is just to 'punt'.  Just show up early on Monday, get a bus ticket then when I show up there (wherever there is) work on getting a bus ticket to the border of Cambodia.  And try not to get ripped off too badly.

This kind of 'fuck it, let's just go' travel might not be for everyone but it should be interesting.

If you ever need to travel to Khon Kaen, print out and cut out this business card.  It seems everyone in town knows where this place is.  For 380 baht, you just can't beat it.  I like the hotel very much and the people are very friendly - though they don't speak a whole lot of English.



TV SHOW REVIEW

Blindspot

Girl chemically castrated of all her memories shows up naked and covered with tattoos.

Despite looking like a really thin model, somehow she is a fighting badass.

They team her up with a cop who goes with his instincts rather than procedure and likes to go into dangerous situations alone rather than have any backup.  Because your gut and being alone work out so well.

It's another in the long list of 'buddy' movies pushed out by the lazy writers of Hollywood (or wherever this came from).  Rather than have two guys or two girls, they will put in the 'will they or won't they' factor.  See Bones.

Who did bone.

It's pretty average and worth watching if you are so bored you are thinking about cutting yourself.  Watch this instead of self harming.

Though it may make you want to have shitty tats that are so obscure it takes some cryptographer to figure it out.

In addition to the rather blah main actors, the supporting cast is forgettable as well.

I shall not make any predictions about how long this series will go on because what I like - and what the average person likes - are way different.

I just don't see this as a quality product nor neat enough to push it beyond a 4/10.  You can watch it to get through some time but you won't be excited about it.

HOW TO TAKE A SHOWER

NIGHT BARBER

Nearby to my hotel is a Thai husband and wife who work at and own a small restaurant I sometimes frequent.  Their English is pretty decent though sometimes a bit rough.

My hair had gotten to where I began to feel like a 'dirty hippy' (about two centimeters) so it was time to get that shit chopped off.

I asked the lady at the restaurant and got confusing directions.  "Go up this street to the traffic jam."  You mean the traffic light?  No, the traffic jam.  Looked at the street, no traffic jam.  Fuck it, I'll find one eventually.

Thanking her, I wandered up the street looking for the turnoff but instead found what looked to be a popular barber.  After scouting around, I went back and sat to wait for the sullen barber to finish his other three customers.

A teen who had just finished up said he would take me to a different barber that was 'very close by'.  Screw it, I thought, why not.  There was some hesitation when he and his buddy got onto their scooters but I figured 'what the hell, I haven't had much exercise today because the foot was hurting earlier' so I climbed on.

They took me to a place near the McDonald's/KFC that looked to be a high volume fancy boutique.  I'm use to getting my hair cut at the kind of place where if you wear long pants and socks you'll want to tuck the pants into the socks to keep the rats from climbing up.  Fortunately, I don't wear socks or long pants.

This place looked way too fancy for me.  "How much is it for a shave and a haircut?"  The sullen barber hole in the wall place we'd just left was 150 baht.  The guy assured me it was 200 baht and even offered to wait for me to give me a lift back.  Since it was only half dozen blocks or so from where I'd started - and my foot was giving me less trouble - I assured him I could make it back.  I thanked them profusely for their kindness.

This is one of the huge differences between northern and southern Thailand.  All of the tourists (including the ones who would be locked up in the USA for their actions) go to southern Thailand.  As a result, the Thais there have been described by expats and tourists as 'mercenary'.  In the north, they haven't gotten so burned out on tourists - you are seen as a rarity.  Like finding a dead leprechaun in your box of Lucky Charms cereal.

The place was run by either a ladyboy or transvestite who had smashed into the wrong side of forty.  I negotiated with her as they wanted to charge me 250 baht.  After getting it down to 200 baht for a 'shave and a haircut', I had all the hair removed.  Any drill sergeant would have been well pleased with my shiny melon.

Approaching her to pay, I said "Am I pretty now?"  "No!"  Not even any hesitation.  Ain't that a bitch?

Another good thing about going to that part of town at night is it seems to be the location of a huge night market - and that means Thai street food.   There were a lot of things which looked like they would have been right at home in the writings of Abdul Alhazred rather than on the end of a skewer.  Since my bowels haven't been acting up too badly lately, I'll take them out tomorrow night.

If you don't know what this is, you clearly haven't read enough Lovecraft.

It's one of the interesting things about SE Asia.  People don't like to go out during the day (other than to work, presumably) so between about sundown and ten PM is when everything happens.  After that, most people head right to bed.  It's a fairly narrow window.

Since I don't enjoy traveling out at night (it's when all the bad shit happens), I normally don't participate much in this.



TRAVELER'S TIP

Need to find someone who can speak English?  Here are some places you might find someone.

Hotels/hostels/guesthouses
Pharmacy/hospital
Computer/phone supply store

Essentially, you are looking for educated people.  Some young people will be able to speak English but are often 'shy' about attempting it.



HOW TO TAKE A SHOWER

This works for anywhere you are staying - especially if it is a cheap place.

Most people like to get into the shower and soak in the water, letting the pulse relax them.  Eventually they get down to the business of soap and cleaning.  Or, applying a lot of chemicals if they are so inclined.

In Asia especially, the order must be reversed.

As soon as the water hits a bearable level, you ruthlessly clean yourself as quickly and efficiently as possible.  After that, you can stand around and soak.

Why?

Because the electricity powering the 'oh god will this electrocute me' device that heats the water (a bit) may suddenly go off.

Or the hot water may suddenly end.

Or the temperature of the water may suddenly erratically alternate between scalding and ice crystals.

Or you may actually begin to get electrocuted.

Don't even think about complaining to the management.  They will either tell you there is nothing they can do, tell you to wait 'five minutes' (a unit of time ranging between twenty minutes and never) or offer to have you trundle all your crap to a different room.  Which will either have the same or worse problems.

Showering in this manner gives you the greatest chance of actually getting 'clean' before everything goes to hell.



BORDER CROSSING - THAILAND TO CAMBODIA

This is a fantastic article.



TV SHOW REVIEW

Limitless (2015)

They took something which is scientifically not correct (the 'we only use 10% of our brain' misconception) and made a movie out of it.  This in turn has spawned a TV show.

It's pretty much a 'buddy cop' drama - one of the few things they feel they really can't beat to death in TV and movies.  Though they do try.

It's OK (5/10 on my scale) but again, the writers are lazy.  For someone who is suppose to suddenly be the 'smartest guy in the area' from taking this wunder drug (yes, I used the German spelling for a double entendre thing there.  If you don't get the meaning, go back to WW2.) this guy is about as clever as spaghetti.  You'd think that it would be the whole 'plans within plans' thing.  You'd be wrong.  Lazy writing.

Even if he isn't the kind of guy who thinks like that, being on the drug allows him instant recall and such - he could simply read 'The Prince' and be in a much better position.

FIFTY BAHT

BECAUSE FUCK VIETNAM

No Facebook allowing sonsabitches!

But seriously - not even interested in going back.  After listening to a half dozen stories from various tourists who got mugged (as in 'I have a knife - give me your shit') I'm thinking 'yeah - nothing I am even interested in seeing there'.

But Logan, they have Pho!  For those who don't know, Pho is pretty much the only famous food they seem to have in Vietnam.  It's thick noodled soup.  Whoopie fucking do!

It will never look this good.

No.  Not interested at this time in going back.  Perhaps in the future but for now it is all about attempting to defeat my base desires to save money.  Excuse me while I take another sip of my overpriced beer then have a cigarette.  Obviously, defeating these 'base desires' is an ongoing process.  And they have almond M&M's at the 7-11.  Which doesn't fucking help things.

At least they don't have them in cheap kilo bags here or I'd be done.

After spending a couple weeks in a place most tourists spend a couple days in - usually drunk - it was time to move on.  Though my horrible stomach problems (gosh that sounds nicer than reality) had cleared up, my conjunctivitis hadn't and I started wondering if heading back to Thailand might help.  Forgetting for a minute that I'd initially gotten it in Thailand.

Not a picture I took but it does summarize Laos for me.  Drunken white people on inter-tubes.   If they were more drunk and maybe there was a dead body floating down steam in the background, it would be more accurate.

Because I was feeling a bit bored, I decided to ramp up the difficulty on myself a bit and cross the border 'as the locals do'.

It was cheap though a bit confusing and takes more time.

I'd taken the luxury VIP bus (VIP in name only) to Vientiane.  Rather than take the large tuk tuks which were piling ten or a dozen bewildered tourists at a time on - and charging them 50,000 to 80,000 kip each, I wandered around the neighborhood of the bus station for awhile to see what was there.

Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

It's kind of funny how old west ghost towns have better architecture and building skills than a lot of the places I currently live.  In this picture, we show a tumble weed.  Which they should import to the area near the bus station and just have it blow around to show how desolate the place is.

It is pretty much a desolate no man's land.  Not as bad as the 38th parallel but pretty ugly.  I did manage to find one hotel but they wanted 120,000 kip per night.  Given the remoteness of the location, I thought the price was pretty outrageous.  After getting my fill of wandering around with all my earthly possessions weighing me down, I wandered back to the bus station and checked it out.

Eventually I came across a clean nice (gift from your friends in Japan!  Forget about history, please!) bus which could take me on the same journey as the tourists had for 50,000 to 80,000 for 5000 kip.

Nearly free.

In fact, the bus driver told me that it could take me to Thailand.

Not quite right, but it turned out to be close enough.

Keep in mind that nobody spoke any English.  This was mostly hand signs and a little phone translation.  It seems that Thai doesn't translate well on the phone.  If you translate something into Thai then that back into English it is completely incomprehensible.  Not sure what's up with their language or the translation.

The bus driver kindly stopped the bus in the center of town and directed me to some other buses.  Ticket for this one was 6000 kip and it took me to 'Friendship Bridge'.

Completely uninspiring architecture

 I converted my remaining kip into baht, paid my 50 baht 'overtime' bribe and was checked out of Laos.

No foot traffic is permitted on Friendship bridge - despite the sidewalks.  My guess is so that people get to spend money on the 50 baht bus that takes you the short distance over to the Thai border.  It would be a long walk with all of the gear so I didn't begrudge the bus.

On the Thai side, the only hiccup was I kept insisting I would be staying at an address in Thailand while showing the border guard a Laos business card.  Eventually, the guard got it into his head that I was an idiot.  Eventually, I dug up the correct card.  I don't think they really give a shit about where you are going to be staying but it is more that 'every box must be filled out'.  My guess is that sometime in the past they had an 'incident' (like with the trains and booze - see early blog entries).  They seem very reactionary in Thailand.  Incident, new rules.  Kind of like the USA but with less self serving evil initially.  See also the TSA.

It's all about the money.

 Another 50 baht (they like that number) tuk tuk ride from the border to the not as close as I'd hoped train station and I was off.

Not really - more of buy a ticket, sit and wait.

At first, the man behind the counter wanted to sell me a third class ticket - for about 50 baht.  After traveling as many hours as I had, I knew better.  They didn't have any first class (non-existent) so I picked up a second class ticket for 140 baht.  Aside from more comfort, you also have a much higher chance of sitting with or near people who speak English.  They can tell you many wonderful things including 'this is your stop'.

Needless to say, it was bloody easy to get back to a hotel (50 baht - really) that I had the business card for once I again reached Khon Kaen.

It's kind of sad I didn't have a bunch of 50 baht notes on me.

I'm pondering the idea of figuring out what train stops would be on my way to Siem Reap (Mexican food!) and just hitting those as I go.

Now that's pretty jaded.  I'm just going to a town to eat food that is foreign to it.  And don't forget their margaritas...

TRAVELER'S TIPS

When traveling to Thailand, get an address of a hotel.  The full address.  Be sure to write it down on the forms you have to fill out when entering the country.  It doesn't matter if you will be actually staying there, have ever stayed there or if it even exists - so long as it looks authentic.  Forms like to have every box filled out.


As we've covered before, you want to carry a notebook.  I would go so far as to say 'if you're not carrying a notebook and a pen, you are fucking up badly'.  Jotting down interesting things, writing your memoirs, having someone write the name of a place in the local language to make it easy to show to the non-English speaking cab driver and so on.  The notebook is also super handy for storing business cards, small maps, business cards, etc.  Just be sure to take out these things before handing it to a local to read or they will inevitably dump all of that stuff out.  Regardless of how carefully you try to hand it to them, they will take it by a corner and give it a quick shake.  I've no idea why.  Just keep all of your lose papers in a bundle so you can quickly remove them.  Notebook - small hardback, no spiral.  Trust me.


If you want to travel like a local, the trick is you have to slow down.  Take some time to just sit down and watch how things function.  Spend time wandering around.  You can save a ton of money if you do that.  Most people don't.  They are tired, cranky, in a hurry or just lazy.  Nothing wrong with that but if you want to save money you have to figure out what the 'local track' is and hop on to that instead of the more expensive - but faster, more convenient and a bit more English spoken - tourist track.



LAOS CUSTOMS

While I was sitting around drinking with some Laos guys, I asked why there were no 'public displays of affection' - even between married couples.

The reason they gave is that in Laos (and possibly northern Thailand, not sure on this) there is no 'try before you buy' - IE premarital sex.  So, everyone is apparently 'setting an example for the kiddies'.

Looking at it from the filters of the USA culture, this is baffling in a lot of aspects.  First, in the USA they have a long tradition of teaching 'do as I say, not as I do'.  Also, in the USA a good example would probably not override most teen hormones.

Interesting and confusing to me.

IT'S KHON KAEN, NOT 'COCAINE'

MOVING ON

Well, it looks like my eyes are pretty close to well enough to travel.

I staggered over to the train station and bought an early morning train ticket to Khon Kaen.  It's closer to the Lao border.  If my research is correct, I'll be able to get a visa for Lao (or Laos if you are a misspelling French person) and travel up there.

Wouldn't have minded staying here where I'm at a bit longer as the town isn't bad but the visa time is getting closer - and I don't know how long it will take me to get a visa for Lao.  According to various people's stories on the internet it is a quick and easy thing - but I plan for the 'oh no' times.

On the downside, I looked at my funds and it looks like some scrimping and saving will be in my future if I want to have any chance of doing a LHI2 in 2016.  When I looked at my total funds, they were less than half of 'ok'.

After a couple days of lying low at the hostel, I went to the train station early in the morning.  Well, before eight is early for me.

They have a volunteer at the train station who helps tourists get on the right train.  He stated emphatically several times that he doesn't want money.  When I said "That works out for both of us because I don't have any.", he looked a bit crestfallen.

Trains in Thailand don't stop for long.  At all.  You've got about twenty or thirty seconds (presumably unless they see you struggling within the doorway) to get on or off.  I imagine there are many slow tourists every year who get taken to a new, exciting destination because of this.

They have a lot of signs stating that alcohol is prohibited on trains.  It seems odd that they've prohibited it for everyone since it was a railway employee who got drunk - and used drugs - before doing some horrible stuff on the train.  Since many people can't handle their alcohol well anyway - and since I think drinking while you're en-route is stupid - great.  Ban it on trains.

So I showed up within Khon Kaen (think 'cocaine').  At first glance, this town appears identical to the one I just left.  Buildings made from the usual corregated steel, rust, snot and the more sturdy pieces of garbage to be found.  This is especially odd because the train stations of many of these towns could be described as 'smart' (ie dapper).  It's rather confusing.

Within my notes I had the name of a hotel which I'd noted was in the center of town.  Since there were no English speaking tuk tuk drivers, I just had them take me there.  Rather than the 400-500 baht listed on wikitravel, their cheapest room was 600 baht.  They told me that all accommodation within this city was at that price or higher.  I smiled, nodded and left.  After securing accommodation for 380 baht per night, I went looking for a place to get my laundry done.

For some reason, the 'charging by the piece' thing has infected this city.  Essentially, it just means people want more to do laundry.  A stupid amount more.  So, I went and negotiated a deal with two old laundry women who didn't speak anything but Thai.  And didn't really seem to get the stuff I'd typed on my phone.  They did force a young girl to come and translate but you could tell that she was having the living nightmare of her teacher screaming that she should pay more attention, that some day this would be useful information and this was that day.  And she didn't pay attention.  But I think we got it hashed out.

Luckily, I found a restaurant with a bunch of Thais standing in line so I immediately got into line.  Didn't wander around to see what the food looked like, just got in line.  If there is a line of locals, you are pretty safe.

Stocked up on water and repaired to my room to see what the dawn brings.

Tomorrow, I'm going to work on getting a Lao visa and seeing more of this town.  Assuming the clock on the Lao visa doesn't start as soon as I get it (it might) I will take some time to look over this town.



PRAISE

"Fantastic blog. You apparently feel that you're presenting the world with the journal of an "everyman" traveler. In fact, you come off as a highly competent, streetwise, fearless traveler. Normal, untraveled people reading your blog must find themselves saying "holy shit" repeatedly." - From David H.  I would like to say that being called 'streetwise' by a member of the Detroit police I consider high praise indeed.



PAGE VIEWS

Well, it's gone over 100,000!  Thanks for reading, folks.



LOGAN'S VOYAGE

Even more loved than the Black Death.



COSTS

Beer, big (why fuck around with the small ones?) about 80 baht.
Meal, simple, about 30-150 baht.
Place to stay, with AC and some nice stuff, 380-500 baht.

HEROIC TALE OF SURVIVAL

DISCLAIMER

If you want to find the dullest person in the room, find the one who wants to talk about their medical problems.  If that's you, I'm sorry - you are fucking dreadful for other people to talk to.

So why am I writing about it?

a.  It is easy to escape.  Good manners keep many people tied to the spot as they try to work out some way to escape or hope a meteor will crash into the earth ending their pain.  With this medium, you just click to something else and you're away without fear of hurting Logan's feelings.

b.  This sort of thing helps highlight the 'every man' aspect I seem to personify.   Anyone thinking "Could I actually handle traveling?" has only to note that a 140 KG (over 300 lbs in the outdated system of Imperial) crippled sack of shit who thinks he isn't all that bright is out there doing it so clearly it can't be all that fucking hard.

When you google  'traveling fat man', you can get some weird stuff back.

c.  Medical stuff in foreign countries may be of interest.  It seems there were a lot of people interested when I had part of my body removed in the Republic of Georgia.  That could be because the hospital itself was fascinating or it could be the next reason.

"Why hair-roh there!"

d.  People like watching Logan suffer.  You bastards.

e.  Old people are notorious for this.  To be fair, attempting to survive through modern medicine is quite literally all that many of them have going on.  I'd rather eat a gun than get there but that way isn't for everyone.

So that's the disclaimer.  Because that's pretty much all that is going on right now with me for this week it's what is getting written about.  After my eyes eventually heal, I am planning on going further north and eventually giving Lao (or the French map misspelled 'Laos') another chance.

Tune in then.



A DAY IN THE LIFE

Woke up around eleven after seven hours of sleep not inspired by alcohol.  I've felt bad enough for the last couple weeks I haven't been drinking.  Those who I've stayed with have an idea of what that means.

Arising to the melody of band saw meets concrete, I eventually managed to wander off to get some supplies for the coming evening.  Mostly more water and toilet paper.  I've switched to that instead of my dew rags to try for a more sterile thing for my eyes.  Which are still fucked.

The pharmacist directed me a very short distance down the street to a 'clinic'.  Turns out this is my favorite type of clinic - free though you pay for medicine.  Also, they are unused to having non-Thais in there so I was kicked up to go in immediately.

In the past, trying to say 'no, I am happy to wait' and 'I don't want any special treatment' only tends to frustrate, confuse and delay them.  Just go with it.  Think about it from their end.  If some foreigner has something serious happen while waiting to see the doctor, it is going to be a huge hassle.  Better to just thank them, try to move through speedily and not cause a fuss.

While consulting the doctor about my medicine and such, I began complaining that I couldn't translate into Khmer (that's Cambodian talkie talkie for those in the USA) without the wifi, the doctor patiently explained he was Thai.

It then struck me that I had again forgotten what country I was in.  Had I been in a cheesy sitcom, I'd have looked at the camera and said "I'm not in Cambodia?  That would explain why I've had so much Thai food lately!"  And pause for the laugh track.  Only the laugh track.

Apparently, my brain isn't working well either.

Since my health isn't robust enough with my eyes red and trying to crust over, I decided "Yeah, let's have a go at the foot I've been limping around on."  The seventy year old mother of the owner of the hostel was negotiated down to two hundred baht from three for a foot and leg 'massage'.  She attempted to renegotiate five times during the next hour but I stuck to my guns.  You are seen as a weak, stupid, rich foreigner if you give up those extra three dollars.  Plus, we'd already come to a deal.  As Patton Oswalt​ is so fond of saying "Break a deal, face the wheel."  Or is that the Road Warrior?  I forget.

Rather than just ineffectually rubbing my leg for awhile, she pulled out a hammer and some sort of stone chisel and went to work on them.   She did stop to ask me what the fuck was up with my leg.  I gave her the equivalent of 'it is what it is'.   For foreign readers, this is a phrase people in business within the USA are fond of using.  It means you have a fucked up situation or thing but that is all you have to work with.  Generally, this is caused by the normal shapers of human experience, incompetence, laziness and stupidity.  In my case, poor health.  And incompetence, laziness and stupidity.

Then she walked around on my legs making me wish she was a lot thinner.  It wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't laugh at my pain as often.


When my hour of light torture was concluded, it was time for a walk to follow her recommendation of 'stretching out'.  Only a couple kilometers through much worse pain were endured.

And I ate the worst Thai meal I'd ever had.  Bad food is so rare in Thailand, I thought I'd mention it.

And that, gentle readers, is my heroic tale of survival.



ROUND TWO

This is being written a few days later.

After five days of intense, hourly treatment of my eyes with antibacterial eye drops and taking four horse pills a day of some pill I was vaguely told was good for me, my eyes had not improved.

Back to the clinic.

The nice young doctor was not there.  He had been replaced with an old, mean guy who was very upset I was interrupting his boxing.

He was such a bad doctor that he didn't want to hear anything I said.  He had no interest in what medicine I had been taking or anything.  He kept yelling "I am the doctor - I will talk you not!  I will tell you things!"

I think he had mental health issues - or was a huge boxing fan.

After discovering a better (or any) doctor was not available, I took the wildly dangerous motorcycle taxi to the hospital.

They are decades away from wearing helmets that could do anything but fall off in the event of an accident, wear them correctly (or even fully on the head) and so forth.  But there are rarely enforced helmet laws.

Once at the hospital, I determined that my German was much better than people's English who worked there.  Their English may have been on par with my Spanish which is not a reassuring thing.   Attempting to use the translate to Thai function on my phone (love my phone) resulted in the amusing yet sad recurring phenomena  of them attempting to read the English text.  Rather than the highlighted Thai text.

How I wish I were joking.

As my good friend Jana once said, Google translate does make 'little puzzles' but watching them attempt to even read the Thai characters - sometimes with more difficulty than the English ones - makes me think that language should just be scrapped.  Pretty much, anyone not using Latin characters (like what you are reading now) is being left behind much as anyone using the Imperial measurement system.  Both countries.  Out of over two hundred.

"No, this works better and let me tell you why..."

But I digress.

So, I'm in a hospital where understanding will eventually be reached, but it will be a hard road.

Eventually, I got on to what I always think of as 'the track'.  This is where you are getting sent to different stations where they collect different bits of information and such.  Because they somehow figured out I was a foreigner, they assigned various native guides to me to keep me from getting lost forever.

For those interested, my blood pressure was 160/100.  A bit higher than normal but not terribly so.  For me.  If yours hits that, seek medical help immediately.  I would also like to point out that it was tested twice and the other was much lower.  I have doubts about their equipment.

The scale went up to 140 KG.  According to the scale, I weighed 140 KG.  For the various wits out there, the needle didn't hit a post.  While on the scale, I do wish I was eating a large hamburger.

Experience has taught me to try to find out how much treatment and such costs before you get it to prevent a heart attack - though a hospital is generally a decent place to have one.  Nobody could tell me.  Eventually, I had to talk to an accounting supervisor who sounded a lot like they were guessing when they said 300 baht.  That's approximately $10 USD so I was good with that.  Less than fifty is generally good though when it is given in baht it looks huge.

The general practitioner sent me off to see their eye doctor.  This made me happy though for some reason, they wanted to run me through the eye test.  I can count to ten in Korean about as well as the lady could do in English, meaning she knew some but not all of the characters on the board.  So I would slip in other answers in a confident tone of voice such as 'dinosaur' and 'peach' and she would nod and point at the next one.  The funny thing is that next to the board she could not use - which was inexplicably in English - they had the E board.  This is made for illiterate people where the E points in different directions.  By means of hand signals, you point which way the E does.   This board was not used.  Weird.

With medicine and such, I ended up being charged only 150 baht.  They took away all of my paper work and it looked like everything was done.  "Is that all?  Finish?  More money?"  "No, have good!"  OK.  Good enough and I'm off.

So now I have two different types of eye drops that I have been instructed to use "until".  Until my eyes get better.

Not my eyes.  But they were there...

We'll see how that goes.

Congratulations if you made it this far.  I'd suggest going down to volunteer at the old folks retirement home.  I'm sure they'd love to have someone so patient!



PYRAMIDS (A bit of bad poetry for you)

Three small pyramids sit along the edge of the sea,
Projecting upward eldritch energy.

Who built them or why they are there
Nobody seems to care.

When you gaze upon them with wonder,
These questions from you are torn asunder.

Past the sands of the beach is a jungle
Which hides a cyclopean temple.

Twined with plants and vines without
It fills your mind with doubt

If in ancient days of yore it was of human design
or of darker force as others opine.

How I should like to visit again this strange land
but the key lies in Morpheus' hand.

COSTS

Across town on motorcycle taxi, 20-30 baht.
Tuk tuk, double above.
Medical visit with medicine, 150 baht.

BLING, BUTTERCUPS AND BOUNCY BOUNCY!

BORED AND RESEARCHING

This is what happens when Logan hasn't found a computer game to distract him adequately.

So we're back,  "Putting the T in Travel and Travesty", as Murlka K rightly pointed out.

I don't know where this came from or what it means but when I searched for 'putting the T in travesty', up it came.

WHY DOES LOGAN SHOW HIS WORK?

Some readers may wonder why a great deal of time, effort and blog space goes in to thinking up plans (which may fall apart) and sharing them with you the reader.

Three reasons:

1.  Unless you have tons of money sitting around, you have to plan a bit.  If you get stuck in an expensive place, it sucks your funds out quickly.

2.  For my own planning and clarity.  Don't like to plan, don't want to plan but don't have the funds to wander at random.

3.  Other travel professionals don't show you this.  They either just keep it in the background or have a staff of people who take care of all this shit for them.  Being able to plan is a necessary travel skill.  In other travel blogs, it all seems to work 'by magic'.  You don't get to see the thought process.  You don't get to see the 'well, I fucked up there!' moments.  You don't get to see the hours of research.  I bring you that.  While I'm sure most people just skim it (it can be tedious) those who actually want to get traveling skills may get some ideas from it.

In the end, researching a place in advance is a lot like wiping your ass in the dark.  You hope you got it right but you don't find out till later.



YOU MUST BE RICH!

People from poor foreign countries always assume you, the foreigner, are rich.

Compared to them, this is true.

Would this guy be dead in countries I've traveled in?  Of course - but let me ask you.  As you look at him, don't YOU want to kill him?  Imagine how great it would be if he was wearing a year of your current pay to boot?  Score!

However, wealth is relative.  By that, I don't mean you have to have wealthy relatives, but it doesn't hurt.

The poor foreigner thinks if you are making $20,000 per year, you are rich.  That's less than double the 'poverty line' in the USA.  If you were living in their country making this, you would be rich.

In the USA, every year every person gets handed this or more just because.

It doesn't compute to someone that you are paying $800 in rent, another couple hundred a month (or more) in bills, have a car payment, student loans and so on.

They just figure you dropped in from the sky and every year you get $20,000 dropped into your pocket.

Since I make well under $20,000 per year (yeah - go hit that donate button at the top of the blog.  Do it.  You know you want to) I really am poor.  I just spend money on things that are more in line with my goals.  Drinking, eating, travelling, getting drunk.

Thank you so much ghost hand!

Not a lot of other money gets spent in my life.

Anyone who has seen pictures of me (scroll down to the bottom of the entire page - all of the cities are listed there, click on them to see pictures) knows I dress like a homeless guy who has escaped a mental ward.

There are three reasons I do this:

1.  I can't afford nice clothing.  My clothing quickly gets destroyed through hard use, evil laundry people or stolen by evil laundry people or other travelers who want to dress like me.

2.  I am a big fat man in a world of small people.  Seriously, I can't even find shoes that fit in some countries and I only wear a size 45 (in metric, about 11-12 inches in the outdated US system).  Getting clothing is a constant challenge and often I am stuck taking whatever is available.

3.  Camouflage.

So many people want to have the same conversation with me that goes something like this:

Hey - you're rich.
I'm poor.
You should buy stuff for me or give me money.
Why won't you buy me stuff or give me money?
I am angry with you for not buying me stuff or giving me money.

Because that's what people who have want to do with their money.  Give it to some dude they don't know or care about.

I head off the conversation quickly.

Foreigner:  "Hey - you're rich."
Logan:  "Have you seen how I am dressed?  Your pants are MUCH nicer than mine.  Oh - look at your shoes!  Nice!"
Foreigner:  "Oh.  Yes, that is true."  Usually, they are too nice to accuse me of stealing hobo clothing.

This completely derails them.  They compare our clothing and yes - theirs is much nicer.  Guess we can't go on to the 'why won't you give me money' phase...



THE CONVERSATION YOU WILL HAVE EVERY DAY WHILE TRAVELING

Some travelers bitch about this:  "Oh, gawd, I hate having that same conversation!"

Suck it up, buttercup.  It's useful.

For those who have never traveled before, here is part of the conversation.  In parenthesis, I put what these questions sometimes mean.

Hi!  (Standard greeting, unless you are Japanese.)
Where are you from?  (Have I been there?  Do we have something in common?)
How long have you been travelling?  (Sometimes, a dick measuring device.)
Where have you been?  (Sometimes, a dick measuring device.)
How long have you been here?  (Do you know anything useful about this area?)
Where will you go next?  (Are we traveling in the same direction?)
Do you have a favorite place?  (Is there somewhere cool I should consider going?)

I understand that the questions may seem tedious to some people.  After all, I've been doing these conversations for the last four years.  However, they also classify as pre-prepared small talk.

That is great.

No awkward questions.  Nothing that gets too personal too quick.

The look when you find out the person you are talking to is a missionary.

Also, you both have a shared hobby - travel.

And you were both either smart enough - or dumb enough - to come to this place!

Relish the ritualistic questions.  They can tell you a lot about the person.  Also, if the conversation ends after the ritual questions are done, it isn't awkward.  You can get on with your life if you suspect the person is boring (though most travelers don't seem to be) or psycho as most psychos are out stalking their exes and don't have time to travel.

I said "time to travel", not "time travel".

Just like you can't jump into deeper conversation without the lube of small talk, after the ritual questions you can branch into other things such as:

How do you fund your travel?
What motivates you to travel?
Do you have any crack for sale?

I mean, whatever!

THE CURRENT PLAN

According to this website (yes, I had to use a website) I am still in Hat Yai.  After the weekend passes (and before another week passes) I will get up at the stupid early time of 5:30AM to catch a 7AM train to Panang (Georgetown), Malaysia.  This should be interesting because it will be the first time in Asia taking the train across the border.  I am curious as to how it will go.  Hopefully, they do it the right way and have people board the train to stamp the passports instead of offloading everyone.  We'll see - and yes I will write about it.  Couldn't find anyone on the internet who gave details.  According to some Malaysian guys I was hanging out with (see 'Chance Encounters' below) they said that the train stops, everyone takes off all their crap.  The train is then searched for smuggled contraband and may even go away for a bit while they hook up more cars then it comes back.  It won't be a six hundred or eight hundred meter slog like at some border crossings.

Not sure how I will enjoy Georgetown, Malaysia.  You get a 90 day visa for Malaysia which is nice but last time I was there I didn't stay all that long.  I need to travel to Butterworth then get either a very cheap or free ferry over to Georgetown.  I'll see what life is like there.

When that shit gets old it (as everything does to Logan), I'll need to buy a plane ticket from Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia - AKA "KL") to Banda Aceh (Indonesia) round trip.  While I detest being locked in to a plane fare, it is $80 to $100 round trip.  This means that if I want to, I can ditch the return voyage and travel around the giant island of Sumatra instead if I decide I don't like Banda Aceh or the island of Pulau Wu.

Is there a big volcano?

They do have Firefly Airline from Penang straight to Banda Aceh for about $150 there and back again.  Since I'm going to need to return a couple of times to KL, I will probably just get a bus to KL.

The bus from Penang to KL is $11 for the nice bus and it's only about 4 hours.  Plus who knows how much to go to various places within the city.  Since I will have to go back there repeatedly it might be worth it to get to know the city.

Between Georgetown (aka Penang) is a town called Ipoh.

To Ipoh or not to Ipoh...  Not sure if I will stop to hit it or not.  This is part of the reason I dislike buying plane tickets ahead of time.  If the price doesn't dramatically go up for buying it only a couple days in advance I will just get them when I'm in KL.

This picture?  Painting?   Rendition!  Of Ipoh does make it look pretty cool.  But I will have to check with other travelers to find out if it is cool or not.

Then I'll head down to KL.  It will be imperative to find a place to stay that makes the airport convenient.  Initially, I will head in to Chinatown.  Though the cheap places are usually used by hookers, they are the cheap places to stay.  Hey, I'm a budget traveler.

Found this on the internet.  Refreshing for it's forthrightness.  I'm not sure where it was taken.

Whore boot camp.  Eye of the tiger!  Mouth of a teamster!

Anyway...

Whether I use the return ticket to Malaysia or trek through the hazardous overland route through Indonesia, I will eventually find myself back at KL, one way or the other.

From there, I'm going to have a couple different choices depending what month it is.  April or later, I can get a cheap flight to Korea and back - maybe for as little as $150.  And that means eating Korean food for a month.  Which is good.

In conclusion:

Georgetown (island)
Maybe Ipoh (historical town)
KL (big city)
Banda Aceh (small city)
Pulau Wu (island)
Either tour Sumatra (big island in Indonesia) or fly back to KL.
From KL possibly fly to Korea.

No idea why the hell I've got so many islands on my trip.  I don't really like islands.  They cost more and generally have less.  Oh, look at the water!  For me, this is often a case of 'who the fuck cares'.

So why am I going to be near the water so much?  I have obviously gone insane.  That's the only reason I can come up with.



WHAT'S UP WITH THE US DOLLAR?

First time since I've been on the road!

Honestly, I'm not really sure why it is nearly 1-1 with the Euro as of the time of this writing.  Honestly, if I was thinking about traveling at some point and had the means, getting a couple thousand euros would probably be a good investment.  Chances of the dollar getting weaker are really good - they do that on purpose for the trade balance and such.



CHANCE MEETINGS

Had a great lunch and conversation with half a dozen men from (mostly) Malaysia.  Very nice guys - they even insisted on buying my noodles.  We covered a huge range of topics and chatted for an hour or two.  Very good time.

When I talk to someone, part of how educated I consider that person is 'how many languages do they speak'.  At that table the average was 'over four' until one of the guys brought up dialects.   That multiplied up how many people they could speak with considerably.

Way cool.

Yes, the line 'way cool' was used in the movie Hackers.  Yes, it was a 'way lame' line.

Most people take pride in only speaking English and 'bad English'.  Or English and sarcasm.  They are also quick to bring up the fact that there are no other countries nearby.  Like Mexico.  Nor any people who speak other languages around.  Like Spanish.  "Speak English or Die" - was that a song or a band?  Or a national saying?  I forget.

You know, I just wanted a picture of a Mexican person flipping off the camera but all I could find was Mr. T in a sombrero.  I have no idea why or how.

Having said that, I am happy that English has become not a British or American language but a world language.  Anyone who doesn't speak it is often seen to have more limited opportunities than those who do.

I think the world needs a common language.

And for all those lazy fuckers in the states I'm sure they are glad it is English.  I know I am.  Plus, it is easier on keyboards than say Chinese.

Probably wouldn't fit so well on a cell phone.

IN CONCLUSION

That's all for yet another exciting issue of Logan's Voyage!  If you have any questions or comments, be sure to put them in the comments section below.