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{{2017}} Portugal: Faro | USA: Virginia - Michigan - Illinois - Colorado | England: Slough - Lancaster | Thailand: Bangkok | Cambodia: Siem Reap

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Showing posts with label Laos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Laos. Show all posts

Sunday, November 1, 2015

FIFTY BAHT

BECAUSE FUCK VIETNAM

No Facebook allowing sonsabitches!

But seriously - not even interested in going back.  After listening to a half dozen stories from various tourists who got mugged (as in 'I have a knife - give me your shit') I'm thinking 'yeah - nothing I am even interested in seeing there'.

But Logan, they have Pho!  For those who don't know, Pho is pretty much the only famous food they seem to have in Vietnam.  It's thick noodled soup.  Whoopie fucking do!

It will never look this good.

No.  Not interested at this time in going back.  Perhaps in the future but for now it is all about attempting to defeat my base desires to save money.  Excuse me while I take another sip of my overpriced beer then have a cigarette.  Obviously, defeating these 'base desires' is an ongoing process.  And they have almond M&M's at the 7-11.  Which doesn't fucking help things.

At least they don't have them in cheap kilo bags here or I'd be done.

After spending a couple weeks in a place most tourists spend a couple days in - usually drunk - it was time to move on.  Though my horrible stomach problems (gosh that sounds nicer than reality) had cleared up, my conjunctivitis hadn't and I started wondering if heading back to Thailand might help.  Forgetting for a minute that I'd initially gotten it in Thailand.

Not a picture I took but it does summarize Laos for me.  Drunken white people on inter-tubes.   If they were more drunk and maybe there was a dead body floating down steam in the background, it would be more accurate.

Because I was feeling a bit bored, I decided to ramp up the difficulty on myself a bit and cross the border 'as the locals do'.

It was cheap though a bit confusing and takes more time.

I'd taken the luxury VIP bus (VIP in name only) to Vientiane.  Rather than take the large tuk tuks which were piling ten or a dozen bewildered tourists at a time on - and charging them 50,000 to 80,000 kip each, I wandered around the neighborhood of the bus station for awhile to see what was there.

Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

It's kind of funny how old west ghost towns have better architecture and building skills than a lot of the places I currently live.  In this picture, we show a tumble weed.  Which they should import to the area near the bus station and just have it blow around to show how desolate the place is.

It is pretty much a desolate no man's land.  Not as bad as the 38th parallel but pretty ugly.  I did manage to find one hotel but they wanted 120,000 kip per night.  Given the remoteness of the location, I thought the price was pretty outrageous.  After getting my fill of wandering around with all my earthly possessions weighing me down, I wandered back to the bus station and checked it out.

Eventually I came across a clean nice (gift from your friends in Japan!  Forget about history, please!) bus which could take me on the same journey as the tourists had for 50,000 to 80,000 for 5000 kip.

Nearly free.

In fact, the bus driver told me that it could take me to Thailand.

Not quite right, but it turned out to be close enough.

Keep in mind that nobody spoke any English.  This was mostly hand signs and a little phone translation.  It seems that Thai doesn't translate well on the phone.  If you translate something into Thai then that back into English it is completely incomprehensible.  Not sure what's up with their language or the translation.

The bus driver kindly stopped the bus in the center of town and directed me to some other buses.  Ticket for this one was 6000 kip and it took me to 'Friendship Bridge'.

Completely uninspiring architecture

 I converted my remaining kip into baht, paid my 50 baht 'overtime' bribe and was checked out of Laos.

No foot traffic is permitted on Friendship bridge - despite the sidewalks.  My guess is so that people get to spend money on the 50 baht bus that takes you the short distance over to the Thai border.  It would be a long walk with all of the gear so I didn't begrudge the bus.

On the Thai side, the only hiccup was I kept insisting I would be staying at an address in Thailand while showing the border guard a Laos business card.  Eventually, the guard got it into his head that I was an idiot.  Eventually, I dug up the correct card.  I don't think they really give a shit about where you are going to be staying but it is more that 'every box must be filled out'.  My guess is that sometime in the past they had an 'incident' (like with the trains and booze - see early blog entries).  They seem very reactionary in Thailand.  Incident, new rules.  Kind of like the USA but with less self serving evil initially.  See also the TSA.

It's all about the money.

 Another 50 baht (they like that number) tuk tuk ride from the border to the not as close as I'd hoped train station and I was off.

Not really - more of buy a ticket, sit and wait.

At first, the man behind the counter wanted to sell me a third class ticket - for about 50 baht.  After traveling as many hours as I had, I knew better.  They didn't have any first class (non-existent) so I picked up a second class ticket for 140 baht.  Aside from more comfort, you also have a much higher chance of sitting with or near people who speak English.  They can tell you many wonderful things including 'this is your stop'.

Needless to say, it was bloody easy to get back to a hotel (50 baht - really) that I had the business card for once I again reached Khon Kaen.

It's kind of sad I didn't have a bunch of 50 baht notes on me.

I'm pondering the idea of figuring out what train stops would be on my way to Siem Reap (Mexican food!) and just hitting those as I go.

Now that's pretty jaded.  I'm just going to a town to eat food that is foreign to it.  And don't forget their margaritas...



TRAVELER'S TIPS

When traveling to Thailand, get an address of a hotel.  The full address.  Be sure to write it down on the forms you have to fill out when entering the country.  It doesn't matter if you will be actually staying there, have ever stayed there or if it even exists - so long as it looks authentic.  Forms like to have every box filled out.


As we've covered before, you want to carry a notebook.  I would go so far as to say 'if you're not carrying a notebook and a pen, you are fucking up badly'.  Jotting down interesting things, writing your memoirs, having someone write the name of a place in the local language to make it easy to show to the non-English speaking cab driver and so on.  The notebook is also super handy for storing business cards, small maps, business cards, etc.  Just be sure to take out these things before handing it to a local to read or they will inevitably dump all of that stuff out.  Regardless of how carefully you try to hand it to them, they will take it by a corner and give it a quick shake.  I've no idea why.  Just keep all of your lose papers in a bundle so you can quickly remove them.  Notebook - small hardback, no spiral.  Trust me.


If you want to travel like a local, the trick is you have to slow down.  Take some time to just sit down and watch how things function.  Spend time wandering around.  You can save a ton of money if you do that.  Most people don't.  They are tired, cranky, in a hurry or just lazy.  Nothing wrong with that but if you want to save money you have to figure out what the 'local track' is and hop on to that instead of the more expensive - but faster, more convenient and a bit more English spoken - tourist track.



LAOS CUSTOMS

While I was sitting around drinking with some Laos guys, I asked why there were no 'public displays of affection' - even between married couples.

The reason they gave is that in Laos (and possibly northern Thailand, not sure on this) there is no 'try before you buy' - IE premarital sex.  So, everyone is apparently 'setting an example for the kiddies'.

Looking at it from the filters of the USA culture, this is baffling in a lot of aspects.  First, in the USA they have a long tradition of teaching 'do as I say, not as I do'.  Also, in the USA a good example would probably not override most teen hormones.

Interesting and confusing to me.




Tuesday, October 27, 2015

BACKHANDING THE LOCALS

SINGING

I don't remember which episode of South Park had it but they spent the show making fun of some tone deaf bint who did the most awful singing ever.

Worse is going on outside and has been all fucking day.

Asian music is bad enough when professionals do it.  When tone deaf people do karaoke of it, it is indescribable.   When I first heard it, I thought people were being ritualistically tortured to music.  Later, I discovered I was the one being tortured.

All this is going on due to some boat races that went on somewhere earlier in the day.  The town now has license to party and the locals are doing so...badly.

Fortunately, I'd been warned of the unofficial holiday ahead of time and despite wanting to leave the small town I'm in decided to put off travel for a couple days.  Never travel during local holidays.



PARANOIA

You know, there are times when my paranoia just flares up.

Like when a pretty girl sits down next to me and wants to rub up and down against me.

Since I look (and weigh) as I do, the first thing I think it 'prostitute'.

And I've not been let down in that assumption yet.

My charm can take decades to work on a lady.  Decades.

So I'm at a bar with a new friend (hi Christian!) and we're having a quiet drink outside away from the overly loud music when some random scrumpet (from Lao) sits down next to me and wants to get all chatty.

Immediately, my arm goes over and stays over my bag.  Pickpockets are not unheard of.

Fortunately, Christian is a German so we share this language.  I tell him (in German) 'she wants to have sex for money'.  He agrees.

She tells a lot of vague lies (most people are not trained in lying) about how she's been to the country Christian is from.  Her lies were pretty transparent.

She wanted us to go to another club with her where no doubt she would get a kickback from the various drinks we were to buy her.  Or we'd just get mugged.  Switching clubs is never a good idea.

In German, I urge him to finish his drink.  It is late enough that things can go 'pear shaped' very quickly.   We managed to extricate ourselves from the young(ish) lady quickly and depart.

For those who wish to loudly bitch 'can't a young(ish) lady have a drink with other people' and 'women should be allowed to dress as they wish' I can only respond "Have you seen me?"  It would take a woman being really blind drunk to think I am physically attractive.  While women might like my mind or perhaps even charisma, there is simply not enough alcohol in the world for anyone to think of my body as some sort of 'sex object'.   It's not like I'm Robert Downey Junior.

"Wait - how did I get sucked into this asshole's blog?"

For people not accustomed to this type of treatment, I must hasten to point out that the way you extricate yourself from this situation is very important.  Fortunately, my friend had the right angle - "We have to get up early in the morning for a bus."  You want them to think you are too busy and possibly self involved to get together with them.  It is never appropriate to backhand them and yell "Begone ye harlot!"

Note, there may be many countries in which backhanding the locals is appropriate but it doesn't strike me as a good way to 'win friends and influence people'.



COSTS

Two vodka drinks with t-shirt, 50,000 kip.  Only available at one bar 'saguro' or some such.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

LAOS - LAND OF THE CAUTIOUS FART AND WATERFALL ASS

LAOS - LAND OF THE CAUTIOUS FART AND WATERFALL ASS


Lao does have a 'special' place in my memory of the worst food poisoning I'd ever received last time I was here.  Last night, second worst.

Because I'd eaten so little during the day, I know exactly which restaurant gave me the food poisoning.  It was a nice little Korean eatery with excellent food.  On the way in.  Whereas I've eaten street food and been fine.



MEDICAL REPORT

Another country, another hospital.

Fortunately, my foot pain seems to have dissipated.  This is odd as I thought I'd have to get a wooden peg and a crutch.


After the hammer and chisel Thai massage, my shins have also gone back to closer to normal size.  It still surprises me that seems to have worked.

Unfortunately, my conjunctivitis is still with me after about ten days and my explosive diarrhea from food poisoning after three long, long days.

So I went to the hospital.

It is suspiciously close to where I am staying which may lead some to assume that I had chosen this place which was a close walk to the hospital.  They would be wrong.  I am just lucky.

They gave me some new medicine to try out and I am back to drinking salt flavored salt (yes, really) in my water to try to regain stuff lost in the toilet.

There was only one other foreigner who showed up as I was leaving and she looked miserable.  I'm guessing either food poisoning, heat stroke or both.

Foreigner price to see doctor, 70,000 kip.  Less than I am paying per night for my room.  Good value.



HOW TO SELECT A PLACE TO STAY

Let's think about it for a minute - what is your most important sense when choosing a place to stay?

Many people would say sight - if the place looks clean and well kept...

But I say it is hearing.

Get it?

After I've established a 'base camp', I will often wander around the town with headphones on, listening to books.  Not so when I am looking for a place to stay.

Hearing is vital.

That may not sink in, so I will state it again:  Hearing is vital.

If you are wandering around, concentrating on something else - like your cell phone clutched in your hand like a new appendage, you lose.

You have to go around and listen.

Why is this?

Assuming you are not some sort of religious nut who isn't allowed to drink any alcohol - or a past alcoholic who is trying to kick the habit, chances are you will want to sleep in.  Perhaps you are not going to get blasted but you want to have a very active day then sleep in.

That crazy Garfield.

If you forego listening to the surroundings you will be rudely awoken early and not well pleased by the experience.

Here are some of the things to keep an ear out for:

Construction (they start early in the morning)
Chickens (they like to crow often and at all hours)
Children (their voices cut through my soul like broken shards of glass)
Churches, mosques and other god-botherers (they tend to call him loudly)

Seriously - all of these are horrible things to be woken up early by.  If the hostel/hotel/guesthouse is within a couple blocks of them, chances are good you will wake up yelling "What the fuck?!"

You won't be yelling "What the fuck?" as well as he, but that's why he gets paid the big bucks.

Avoid them as you would earthquakes or rattlesnakes.

Note that in some towns, it is simply not possible.  In the town I currently am, many locals seem to make their living through banging pieces of metal together, operating band saws and just hammering on various things.  But do your best.



COSTS

Room, somewhere between 50,000 kip and 100,000 kip.  The lower end gives fan, upper end gives AC.  For luxury rooms the the two finer resorts in the area, about $50 USD per night.

Food, 20,000 to 50,000 kip.  Lower end gives you street food, upper end for foreigner run businesses.

Water, about 5000 kip for the small (half liter) one at a restaurant.  Water is cheap.  Might be 5000 for a liter at a grocery store.

Pringles, 20,000 kip.

Emergency room doctor visit, doctor speaks OK English, 70,000 kip.

Mosquito killer, room spray (seriously the stuff you put on yourself is just not enough), 20,000 kip.

Medicine, various - it's cheap here folks.  Under 50,000 kip for eye drops, salt packets and pills for the butt.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

LOGAN IS A BIG PUSSY

KHON KAEN TO VANG VIENG

The problem with being off of the beaten tourist trail is convenience.  The oh so annoying tuk tuk drivers are sorely missed when you want cheap transport.  Nobody speaks English.  They don't seem to read Thai well either.

It's a little harder and you need a lot more patience.

Through a combination of Google translate, sign language and interpretive dance, I was able to convince them there is indeed a Laos consulate and I wanted to go there.  After getting them to agree it might indeed be possible to get there by taxi, I had them call a taxi.

Showed the printed version "Laos consulate" to the taxi driver who said "OK".  After all the crap I went through with the people at the hotel desk this makes me believe they should be told as little as possible.  Just "I want a taxi" and when they keep asking "Where go?" just respond "Yes, taxi!"


The Lao consulate was a treat.  You walk in, give them your passport, one of the dozen small photos you keep of yourself (if you've been reading the blog any length of time and don't, that's on you - see 'traveler's tips' sections) and the money.  Presto.  About ten minutes later you get a visa.  Another nice thing is that the visa itself is good for two months.  You have that long to get into the country and then that starts your total of one month of time within the country.  In other words, you can get the visa - stay in Thailand for say six weeks then go to Lao and you get one month in Lao.  Handy.

Normally, you are able to get bus tickets a few days in advance.

Not so for the 'international bus'.  You have to buy the ticket about an hour before the bus leaves.   Not earlier - the office isn't open.

Note this is a lot handier than getting transport to 'friendship bridge', getting rolled by unscrupulous taxi, tuk tuk and bus drivers and eventually finding other transport into Laos.  Believe me, those assholes are waiting for you at the border.  To use the international bus, you just need your Lao visa ahead of time.  No visa, no ticket.

Before catching the international bus, I'd read a lot about it on the internet - AC bus, non- AC bus, they are luxurious, etc.

What a load of shit.


There is one bus.  It leaves sometime between eight and nine.  Buy your tickets around seven AM.  There is another later in the afternoon if you screw that up.

There is only one bus.  The only time it may have been grand is in the seventies.  Maybe.

Considering it is a relatively short (under five or six hours) trip, it is bearable but not really comfortable.  I turned off and went into my usual 'traveler's funk' where you are either asleep, dozing, meditating or just switched off.

Sometimes, I am difficult to rouse.

The strange thing is that they made a half hour meal stop on what is actually a fairly short bus trip.  I think it was 'fuck it, the bus driver needs to eat and can't be bothered to do it before his shift'.

The strangest and most annoying thing is at the Lao border you need to purchase a fifty baht 'over time pass card'.  Essentially, it is bribery with gates that only open when you put this card in.  If you get there before four PM, Monday through Friday supposedly you don't have to pay this bribe but other people have reported they had to pay a slightly reduced amount.  Shouldn't the government be paying it's employees?   Ah, corruption.


It's annoying but under two dollars.  Be sure to look for the small kiosk that sells this so you can just pick it up once you first get to the Lao side of the border and don't have to go back for it and try to understand people who should be able to express the need for this in English and can't.

We eventually arrived in Vientiene where the tuk tuk drivers were pushing in so close to the door I had to yell at them to move so I could get out of the bus.  Oh, the smell of money.  I ended up just falling on them because I'm clumsy.  My only worry was getting pick pocketed.

After getting a little hosed by a tuk tuk driver, I got taken to a money changer then the mini bus which goes from Vientiene to Vang Vieng.

I'd read a lot about how you have to be at the northern bus station, and how there were various types of buses and all of that.  Sure, that shit may exist, but you end up 'on the tourist trail' and when the tuk tuk driver hears you want a bus to Vang Vieng, they just take you to where the buses regularly leave.

When I say bus I mean 'uncomfortable small assed seats minivan crammed with other tourists'.  The other tourists are great to talk to.  Especially since when they say the ride is three hours, know that they are completely full of shit.  You're looking at nearly double that.

A little like this but much older and shittier.

After nightfall I arrived in Vang Vieng.  It's what I expected after reading it's entry on Wikitravel.  It's a small party town full of kids drunk on being so far from their parents and six dollar beers.   The beer here is freakishly expensive.  I look forward to getting back to Cambodia.

Getting shots is about half the price of beers.  Weird.

RETRACTION:  I don't know if it was the fatigue, lack of food, noise of the music or the thick Irish accent but I misheard 'fifteen' as 'fifty'.  The actual price is still about forty percent (roughly) more than Cambodia but definitely doable.

They have plenty of stores selling various bottles of alcohol.  I know I'll end up drinking room temperature booze in my room later.

After crawling out of the minivan, I got a couple fliers for food, a free drink at the only Irish bar in town and spent the night at an over priced hotel.

After eating a little bit of meat on a stick - my first food in twenty hours - I immediately had ten shots of various things at the Irish pub.  It helped being a bit buzzed but mainly I was punch drunk from lack of proper sleep, food and water.  Slept fine though.

While at the bar, I did meet a guy who had a 'backpackers hotel'.  Tried it the next day but without AC, I just sat there with sweat running down my body.  Said 'fuck this, I am going to be a big pussy' and went to a place I'd found after checking in to the backpacker place and just checked in there.  Surprisingly, I was given most of my money back at the backpacker place.  I'd not really expected to get anything back.

So now I'm hanging out in an AC place, fighting with their inconsistent internet and writing this blog.



CUSTOMS IN SE ASIA

There are no 'public displays of affection' at all.  Even if the people are married, you will never see them kiss, holding hands or violently mount each other dressed only in warpaint.

Be sure to yell "Surprise, mutherfucker!"

So does that mean you can't?  It's up to you.  I like to annoy the locals less.  You might not.  Who am I to tell you not to work them up into some sort of disgusted rage?

And now, for a picture that is easy on the eyes.

Because bewbs...



PRICES  (Thailand)

Laos visa, with small 'rush' bribe, 1600 baht.
The taxi to get there and back to your hotel including wait time and small bribe, 300 baht.
There and back again - a journey to the very inconveniently located 7 KM out of town because corruption wins bus station, 200 baht.


PRICES (Laos)

Large beer, 50,000 kip.  Yes, this is six dollars.  No, I have no idea why people are drinking beer here.  RETRACTION:  15,000 not 50,000.  See above.
Really cheap place, 50,000 kip.
Nice place with AC, 100,000 kip.
Best places I've found here, around $50 USD.  I've not looked at the rooms but for two people (who are not poor backpackers) this seems a pretty reasonable price for the best in the area.

Friday, November 18, 2011

ESCAPE FROM LAOS

ESCAPE FROM LAOS

On the bus to Vientiene, the capital of Lao. It's about a ten hour trip so I might be there by 7PM. [Note, it was actually twelve hours.] That's after I'd like to arrive but the overnight bus was full. During the trip, I don't think the bus went above forty KPH. The roads were of the twisting, hair pin turn, narrow variety. There are no shoulders, just the jungle pushing in against the sides. The road itself passed through many small villages adding to the obstacles and mobile road hazards. Children, people riding scooters (sans protection of any sort) and livestock are just some of the wonders that can be found. They call the bus I am on a VIP bus. It is different from other buses in this country as it is slightly less dirty, much more expensive and they give you a small bottle of complimentary water. There is no air conditioning and the bus has a unique and unfortunately memorable smell. Despite claims that the VIP bus is faster, it makes stops for random people. I sat next to a French girl whose name is also memorable in my mispronouncation as 'Orally'. I did my best to keep the smile from my face.

We arrived in the city of Vientiene. It appeared that the bus station was closed. There wasn't any traffic going to or from it to the actual town which was some distance away. I let myself get sucked along with the tourists - the only ones to pay the higher price of the 'VIP bus' like a leaf in a stream. The crowd went over to a waiting set of tuk-tuks. Knew the price would be high as the tuk-tuks had a complete monopoly on transport. In Lao, there are no taxis nor 'baht buses'. I regard the lack of something akin to the 'baht buses' as a huge 'fail' on the part of the Lao tourist set up. Or for the local populace.

Rather than the usual custom of letting the passengers split a fixed fare, the tuk tuk drivers merely charged everyone 20,000 KIP. Considering you can probably get one for that total, it was pretty extortionistic. I went with it though because - acording to the other tourists, it was five kilometers into town.

So, I climbed onto the tuk tuk. It was the kind of trip I tried to keep my mouth open partially during as we kept going over the kind of bumps that caused my teeth to gnash together. Fuck needing dental work, better to keep the mouth a bit open. Tuk tuks don't have shock absorbers or if they do they gave up the ghost back in the 1970's and have been hard done by since.

Part way through the trip, the tuk tuk driver pulled over in order to come back and demand the fare from all of the passengers. I asked someone who was experienced in Lao (had been here for 3+ months) what was up with that. Apparently, tourists sometimes run off to avoid paying the two or three dollars. Wowza. I'd love nothing better than to have an angry Lao national trying to chase me down and beat me over three dollars.

We eventually got to a place the experienced Lao tourist recommended for guest houses. It was two blocks of lots of different guest houses. The first fifteen (yes, fifteen) I tried were either full or the owner was taking crack when figuring out what prices he'd charge. I continued my search. From what I'd read on wiki travel, they said it was best to arrive in Vientiene early as the guest houses would fill up by nightfall. This tells me that there must be some sort of government regulation or heavy taxation on the building of new guest houses. Otherwise, they tend to get built until they have quite a few extra and this helps bring down the price.

Through a bit of luck and persistance, I eventually found a fairly dumpy place for 80,000 KIP.

After walking more blocks of Vientiene than I cared to with the pack, I determined it seemed to be a larger version of Luang Prabang. Both places didn't seem to have a lot in the way of 'personality' in them. I considered heading out in the morning for another very long bus ride to the south of the country (to Pakse) rather than fighting with the masses of tourists over the few inexpensive places to stay in a town that looked like the same crap I'd already seen elsewhere. Despite my fatigue after a twelve hour bus ride, I'm thinking I'd like to get the fuck out of Laos. It's not substantially cheaper than Thailand to live in. If you aren't going on the tourist rides (which I'm not - still very short of cash, especially after my last robbery) Laos isn't very interesting either. I don't want to go snap some pictures of the waterfall and swim about while someone has the ability to steal my stuff I've had to leave on the shore.

From what I've read on the internet (when I've had access to it) you can easily get a three month visa for Cambodia. Also, 'shitty pay' (six dollars an hour) teaching jobs are supposedly easy to come by. Assuming the prices in Cambodia are like those in Lao and Thailand, that means I could work for three or four hours a day and have my expenses met. That would allow me to save up money for several months to get out of the critical funds zone. If I decide I enjoy teaching and want to move up my rate of pay, I can look into getting the online TEFL certificate for $200. Now, some people out there (usually ones with English degrees) like to decry people teaching English who have no certificates and such. I say that there English is so horrible that I could work on just pronounciation and basic vocabulary (as could anyone) and that would be a huge help to them. They don't need to know what a subjective clause (did I just make that up?) is - they need to know how to tell the difference between the letters 'L' and 'R'. They need to move from 'Where from?' to 'Where are you from?' It's not rocket science. The native teachers of English have such bad English I have great difficulty understanding them. I don't know what their students are learning but it is probably not good. I know I can do better than that. Even if I spent three weeks on the use of the word 'fuck' it would be a huge improvement for them. Yes, it is really that bad. [Note, if someone reading this has a degree in English and isn't bound to the states by family or sedimentality, I'd suggest looking into overseas teaching.]

Despite my wanting to get more quickly to Cambodia to try to make some money, I figured if Pakse (southern Lao town) was interesting and cheap, I could wind out some more time on my visa. [Note, it is not - spent two days wandering around there and I'm really looking forward to moving on.] Although a big part of me wishes I had gone straight from Pattaya to Cambodia, there is some part of me that is glad I've got Laos crossed off my list of places I have any desire to go. Ever.

Looking back on my time in Asia, thus far the nicest place I've stayed lodging wise was in Pattaya at the property owned by Canterbury Tales bookshop. Aside from being professionally robbed there, it was nice.

After a night of pondering and sleeping in the capital, I went to visit a travel agent I'd seen on the previous night. Like other travel agents in Laos, the deal always seems to get worse the next day you go to see them. No, it wouldn't be my own bed for the price we talked about yesterday - add sixty percent for that. I said "See ya" and left. I've noticed that when I get pissed I say "See ya" to people when I am leaving. I think it comes from my childhood when the kids rhyme was 'see ya, wouldn't want ta be ya' was popular. Fortunately, I leave off the last part.

So I went to the bus station to get a ticket.

When you go to see a tuk tuk driver about a normal destination (like a bus station) they often enjoy pulling out a laminated piece of paper with various prices on it for different destination. This is called the 'are you stupid enough to pay these prices I've made up when I was in a fantasy world' paper. The prices are generally 30-300% higher than what they'll take you for. In this case, I was in somewhat of a hurry so I negotiated the driver down from 60,000 KIP to 40,000 KIP.

From my limited experience at the time of actually writing all of this stuff down, avoiding travel agents in this country seems to be a 'win'. They change the deals or the deal gets worse. You don't seem to spend a whole bunch more by using them as opposed to the bus station directly, but I have 'trust issues' with these jokers.

Lao buses leave early in the morning - even if they aren't going all that far. They don't seem to have the 'running every hour or two' schedule down either. You need to haul your ass out of bed early if you want to go anywhere. Fortunately, I was up with plenty of time to spare.

I bought a ticket for the 'non-VIP bus'. It was pretty fucked up. Like the VIP bus, it said "King of Bus" on the front (more bad English) but I don't think it would have rated even as the 'court jester of bus'. No tourists on it as they'd all been routed to more expensive buses. They tried to scare me away from this bus by telling me that it made lots and lots of stops. Initially, this did turn out to be true but after the first few hours of the ride they just pressed on as best they could. I did ask after the VIP bus but managed to get the answer "No have."

Naturally, the bus was extremely full at the outset of the trip. After say halfway through the trip you can look for your own seat if you are so inclined.

The local buses stop for local merchants to get on and attempt to sell shit. I am not kidding. We stopped and twenty people all got on yammering and trying to sell their wares. As these weren't the sort of people who had even rudementary enough English to deal with tourists, I was ignored. Sometimes, the bus driver would just sit there and wait for the people who were selling shit to get on then back off again. Sometimes, the driver at these stops would get off the bus and disappear for awhile. I have no clue where he went or why. Most of what was for sale was food stuffs but other things were also sold. Stuff that you'd think people could just pick up elsewhere. Sometimes the bus would stop so the driver could get out and take a leak on the side of the road. There was no bathroom on this reject from the 1970's bus.

Because spending twelve hours stuffed in with other people, strange odors, uncomfortable seating and slamming over potholes and swerving around things wasn't considered enough torture to make you not ever want to ride the bus again, they also decided to put on the TV with various DVD's. Despite my trying to listen to my audio books with the sound nearly maxed (or maxed) to drown out this crap, I got to listen to more Lao music and watch more of the lame dancing than I ever wanted to see. The closest dance form we have to this in the USA is 'line dancing'. This is just about as lame. The look and feel of the videos is the bad stuff that was hopefully left in the 1980's. Well, I suppose it is newer than the bus. After softening us up with several discs of music that made me want to dismember animals messily, they put on some movies. Being that the movies were made in America they were of significantly better quality. Unfortunately, they had the worst dubbing I'd ever seen. They couldn't even make the sound effects they had to add line up to the action you'd see taking place on the screen. The sounds preceeded the action by a couple seconds. It made me want to bite the heads off of whippets. Because this didn't make the movies unwatchable enough, they also blurred out anything sexual or violent. Blurring out any bare chested females I could understand, America had this same taboo (sad) but they would also blur out some of the weapons. It make it a bit more confusing if you couldn't figure out someone was pointing a gun at someone else. Of course, children could easily figure it out. Due to the slipshod work, not all of the weapons were edited out. It was pretty sad.

After it got dark, the driver alternated between nodding off and attempting to watch the movie. He would continually attempt to move the TV (which was made not to be able to be moved) so that he could see it instead of bothering to watch the twisting obstacle filled road.

To my surprise, we didn't collide with other vehicles, people on scooters who weren't giving any thoughts to their personal safety (sometimes running on dark roads without headlights), livestock or unsupervised children. I was pretty out of it by the time we arrived in Pakse - enough so to listen to someone I shouldn't.

There was some guy who was helping to offload some of the cargo on the bus. He did the 'Where go?' which is "Where are you going?" for those who don't speak English. I told him Pakse and he managed to convince me the deserted (of people, not of buildings) stretch of road I was at was indeed Pakse. I dismounted and got my pack. It was one AM. It turned out this guy was a horrible tuk tuk driver looking for me to be his walking ATM. I felt like a complete noob. After the bus left, I convinced him I'd rather walk than give him any money. I then went and found locals and questioned them (via sign language) as to the location of guest houses or other places to sleep. After going to a couple "I can't believe you're charging that much money to sleep in a dump like this" places, I managed to find one that was only nominally wretched. For 50,000 KIP, I could have a 'fan room' with no hot water. For 70,000 KIP, I could get a room with air conditioning and hot water. I decided I could pay an extra $2.50 for a hot shower in the morning. I checked out the room but in my extremely tired state, I forgot to check on the hot water. There wasn't any. The machine on the wall absolutely failed to work. Super. The only good thing about the place is that I was able to get a cold Lao beer after ten PM when Lao pretty much closes.

Fortunately, I found that the place I'd been talked into leaving the bus at was only one KM away from the actual town center. Had I stayed with the bus, I'd have been much further away. I forgave the horrible tuk tuk driver and left off my fruitless vengence fantasies.



WELCOME TO PAKSE, BITCH

Like the rest of Laos, there are a ton of French speakers here. Whether they are from France or that odd part of Canada they come here. Nowhere else in the world have I encountered as much French. I'm not sure how many of the Laos people actually speak any French but I know that it is no longer (widely) taught in the schools here. I'm not sure where the French speakers will vacation after the older generation here dies out.

I was thinking about something Adam (my mentor) said. He said that I seemed to enjoy sitting around and talking to expats more than the locals. Upon continuing reflection, I don't believe this to be the case. I enjoy sitting around and talking to people I can actually communicate on something other than a 'Me buy this' level with. There are plenty of French speakers here who don't speak much more English than the Laos people and I have no desire to try to strike up a conversation with them. If I can communicate decently with the people (in English or German) I am happy to sit around and talk to them for a long time. That is why in Ukraine I would set up meetings via 'couch surfing' daily.

The next day, I found a decent place for 60,000 KIP. It is lacking in any sort of real (or at least illusionary) security and internet. I like places with the internet because I can get hold of more entertainment stuff and I like security after getting robbed twice. If this place had better security and internet within the rooms (so I can leave the computer downloading while I sleep) I'd probably spend several days here. Since it doesn't, I'm only spending two days wandering the city. On the good side, this is the first place I've stayed in Laos that actually insisted upon seeing my passport as opposed to allowing me to 'be creative' in filling out their documents.

As far as tourists here go, there are a lot more couples. They are usually either in the 'self absorbed' or 'smug' category as they look around and figure out why their own culture is superior to the one they have traveled thousands of miles to put down. They wander around endlessly looking at Lonely Planet guide books to make sure they can cross everything off of the list. They dart out, take a picture of a sunset and dart off somewhere else to do something else. I got to see the latter while I was sitting around on the forth floor balcony/porch typing up this blog on notepad (no internet). Some girl who had no curiousity, no conversation and no interest in the nifty view other than standing there long enough to get a picture and retreat quickly. Interesting way to do a vacation but I suppose a lot of weird stuff can go on when you're pressed for time.

Within other parts of Laos I've been in, as well as Thailand, they have a specific design for the tuk tuks. The tuk tuk is made from a motorcycle attached to a cart it pulls behind it. The cart has a metal or plastic roof over it. For children and contortionists, I'm sure it is a wonderful way to see the city. For those of us who aren't midgets (or 'little people') all of the views are blocked off by the low hanging roof. Many times, you will also get the opportunity to repeatedly bash your head against it. In Pakse, they have a different style of tuk tuk I've never seen before. Rather than pulling the passengers behind it, here they sit to one side of the driver in the manner of a side car. It is a mind bogglingly dangerous side car as there is nothing at all to keep you in it should you hit anything. You have pretty much a straight shot out of it and from there, physics take over and you go squeesh. On the upside, you do get to see a lot more of the sights. I took one to go to the bus station to check prices and I will be attempting to survive the ride in one tomorrow to go to the bus station again to leave Laos.

Yesterday, I had gone to a travel agent to find out how much a ticket to a town next to the border cost. I was quoted 70,000 KIP - a price that was confirmed by the bus station. Today, I decided I should get the ticket so I went back there. A man I'm guessing is French was working there. He is probably the owner. He denied that the destination I had spoken to the young man sitting next to him was available. The young man kept his head down, probably because he enjoyed being employed there, possibly because his English was bad enough he wasn't following the conversation. Since the destination wasn't available would I be interested in traveling an additional half an hour for double the price I was quoted yesterday? To see if he could either suggest a different destination or to see if there was a potential of bargaining, I asked if a "more economical" way to Cambodia was possible? "Swim!" he told me giving a laugh to his own joke. Nobody else laughed. I gave him my big "Well, fuck you very much!" smile, thanked him and left. I will just go to the bus station instead. It is always interesting in the vast majority of the countries I've been to how giving good service doesn't seem related to either staying in business, keeping ones job or even turning a profit.

After walking the town for a few hours (and finally getting a shave), I decided to spend the rest of the day lounging around. I figured I could listen to some audio books.

The last night I was in Laos, a wandering prostitute came to my door. I closed it it with a firm 'no thank you'. If I had a peep hole, I could have done the line from Johnny Mnemonic "If you're not expected then you're not invited so fuck off, OK?"



THE CRAZY MAN

Every now and then, I am found by mentally handicapped people who wander the streets in some of the countries I've visited. They enjoy babbling at me in their native language despite my protestations that I can't understand what the hell they are saying and my indications that my happiness increases with their increased distance from me. This happened here in Pakse, Laos. There don't seem to be any homeless or beggars here (the upside of communism) while everyone is instead kept at a uniform level of poverty.

I'm sitting in front of my hotel whiling away the time and some guy came up and sat down. At first he babbled in Lao at me until it sank into his slow brain that I didn't have a clue what he was saying. Mind you, I'm not saying he walked up and said a couple of sentences. I'm talking about long paragraphs. After his verbal diahrea subsided he kept looking at me like I owed him child support. The first ten times he did, I kept giving him my vacant open mouthed 'goofy grin'. Usually, people get the hint and leave me alone. He didn't. Eventually, I said "What?" in a rather loud voice with accompaning hand gestures. The crazy man departed to lurk at a grocery store across the street and keep an eye on me from there.

One of the tuk tuk drivers who was staking out the hotel looking for money then caught my attention and made the universal signs for 'hey, that guy is a crazy person'. I nodded my thanks.

Eventually, I decided it was time to go to a restaurant. The restaurant is only about 20m away from the grocery store the crazy man was staking out. He followed me to the restaurant. By use of loud and unfriendly tones (which the Lao don't like) and hand gestures, I indicated that I did not appreciate him following me. He gave me a couple rapid paragraphs of what was probably insults in Lao before wandering off.

I'm glad that I'm not in this town for long. I know that I probably caused the local insane assylum escapee to lose face and I don't want to be looking over my shoulder for him to try to get his 'face' back by attacking me.



CAMBODIA, HO!

From what I've learned by talking to people, Veunkham is a town in Laos near the border. On the Cambodian side, it is about 25 KM to a town. I'll probably have to get ripped off by a taxi or dreaded tuk tuk on that side.

We'll see what it's like when I get there but for now I'm happy to be getting out of where I am.



SLEEPER BUSES

After sampling the roads here, I'm glad I didn't invest the money into a 'sleeper bus. The roads are either windey as hell or bumpy as hell. Trying to lie in either an enlarged seat or a full out bed while you're getting continually bashed and shaken doesn't really strike me as the kind of thing many people can sleep through.

Also, when you inquire about sleeper buses price, ask if this is for your own bed or if you'll be sharing it with a stranger. The price I was quoted was over fifty percent more for my own bed. I really didn't feel like sharing a bed with someone who would be continually, forcably rolled into me during the journey.



OVERALL IMPRESSION OF LAOS

Thus far, I'm thinking that Laos is the "Moldova of Asia". People go to Lao because they read that it is untapped by tourists. This is a lie/marketing. In all of the areas that have stuff worth seeing, tourists are thick on the ground. The infrastructure is 'developing' which means that although you'll get a place to stay it won't usually be that nice nor have internet - unless you want to slap down a lot more money than I can afford.

On the upside, Lao beer (named "Beerlao" - I'm not joking) is much better than the stuff served in Thailand and half or less price.

Some people (I am thinking of Adam here) might feel that I am going to be screwed in Cambodia because it may well end up being the same crap as in Laos. I am feeling that this will not be the case and here is why. Sex and visas. To elaborate - in Laos, if you are accused of having 'carnal relations' (or going to have carnal relations) with a Laos woman, both you and she get to be 'guests of the country of Laos' (ie jail) for a good long time. If you are even caught riding around in the same vehicle with a Laos woman, you might even get to go directly to jail for this. I suspect these rather draconian rules were put into place to keep the sex trade to 'non-existant' here. It works. I haven't yet met anyone who had any desire to retire here. Lets face it - old men enjoy the company of pretty young women and have the money to pay for that company. So, they end up making those countries their retirement homes. When that happens, you get a lot more people living in the area who would qualify as 'expats'. For me, that is a good thing as I see the 'expat community' as a source of information to tap into. The internet doesn't seem to really give you the good/interesting/easy to get jobs with teaching unless you have degrees and such. The vast majority of the stuff on the internet is either outdated or trying to sell you something. Hence, to find the jobs, I need to tap into the expat community. To get an expat community, the government has to be OK with their young women renting out their bodies. As to the visas, you get thirty days in Laos. More is rough to get and it appears that the visas - like many other things - are complicated and such. Cambodia you get a 90 day visa for a land crossing. And it's easily extendable. These two factors - as well as things I've read on the internet - lead me to believe it should be easier trying to get teaching jobs (and possibly other work) in Cambodia than Laos. I'd like to build up my funds so that come summer (or possibly next summer if I get involved) I can afford to go traveling some more. Naturally, it could turn out that I am very wrong and all of my plans will again go into the waste basket.



GAY SCENE AND CULTURE IN LAOS

Laos is surprisingly accepting of gays. I say surprising due to the illegality of sex with their local women. I suspect that would apply to woman on woman action as well. The only homosexuals I've seen thus far are women. Even in Amsterdam I don't recall seeing a lot of men holding hands or staring lovingly into each others eyes. Here, I've seen perhaps five pair of women holding hands. What is interesting is that they look at me either with definance or somewhat guiltily. I give them my best 'like I care' look regardless. I don't roll my eyes to emphasize it as they may get the wrong idea that I am judging them as opposed to totally not giving a shit. Either way, there are several things that are culturally frowned on in Laos that I am personally in favor of. First, there are no PDA's. Public Display of Affection. Sitting around making out and such. My opinion has always been two fold - first, if I'm not getting any, why do I need to be subjected to people who obviously are? Second, if I want to see a bit of naughty, the primary purpose of the internet has always been to provide people with lots and lots of porn. I don't need to see it walking down the street. The other thing that is against the culture here is skin. Men are expected to wear a shirt at all times. People from the Republic of Georgia who come on vacation here, beware! You will probably get hostility from the natives and possibly a ticket from the police going around exposing your belly. I like that about the Laos culture. If I never have to look at another man's belly again from now till the day I die, I'd consider that a victory. Likewise, women are not permitted to wear bikini tops. I can totally live with that. Most of the women I've seen wearing the revealing clothing they do are not models and should lose many kilos before dressing like that. There should be a weight limit and body fat limit before showing that kind of skin for either sex.



PHILOSOPHY

I can't speak for other people but I know that when Americans read that some other culture has a 'laid back lifestyle' their thoughts don't really go for much to do with reality. They are imagining themselves in a 'laid back lifestyle', taking it easy and having a nice time. They certainly do not imagine the people who they are paying to provide happiness and ambiance for them having this 'laid back lifestyle'. What 'laid back lifestyle' has begun to mean to me is 'lazy and incompetent'. Now, granted, I've only been in a couple of cultures that seem to advertise this but it's what I'm getting when I go into a hotel room and find things like it hasn't been cleaned, or hasn't been cleaned so that you'd notice. Or that the complimentary water is half gone. Yes, some wit can say "Or the water bottle is half full." Fuck you. You go drink from the bottle that someone who may have had gods know what diseases backwashing into it and you tell me it is half full. In short, when I read that a people have a 'laid back lifestyle', it is not really a selling point I look for. I'd rather hear about the 'hard working' people. Unfortunately, the only ones I know of who that label is routinely applied to are the Germans. If I went to a German guest house and reported my room wasn't clean, within an hour, I'd expect someone to be up there mucking it out as opposed to a smile and a shrug. Academic, sadly, as I can't afford Germany.

I've always been confused by the people who listen to nothing but music when audio books are available. Some people claim they have insufficient concentration for doing something like driving while listening to an audio book. I feel sorry for those people.



BOOK REVIEWS

I'm again re-listening to Roger Zelaznies' Amber series. I've heard these several times in the past and even run a campaign based on them which some of the players still remember. I'm not sure if they remember it with happy feelings because it was one in which they managed to literally destroy the universe because they made a four AM decision. Desisions made during sleep deprivation are never happy ones.

Running a prolongued campaign based on this would be very interesting indeed.

Anyway, if you've never read this series, it is one I very much enjoy. In the shadier places on the internet, you can even find the audio books. Several (but not all that I've found) are read by the author and I think he does a good job at it. Hell, I even corresponded with him a little back when he was alive. (No, I don't have the letters any more - I live out of a fucking backpack). To tell a little bit about the books, they can be loosely grouped into the 'urban fantasy' category that I love so much. The only downside of these otherwise excellent books is twofold. First, whenever someone asks someone else for information, they are inevitably put off. "I'll tell you later" and so on. It is part of the overall theme that knowledge is power and everyone wants it. The second is that a huge chunk of the books seem to be people sitting around and speculating about what the hell is going on. These problems really didn't show up for me until after I had read them a couple of times and knew what was going onl.



TRAVELER'S TIPS

Never believe anything a tuk tuk driver says about anything. Their only concern is getting you into their vehicle to take your money. If you ask them how far something is that is say 500 meters away, it will become as long of walk as they think is needed to get you into their vehicle. In fact, until you judge you need them, it is best to totally ignore (politely if possible) all tuk tuk drivers. I do this by having headphones in my ears. If they show they are upset by me ignoring them, I can always pull out the headphones and claim I couldn't hear them. If you are going down the street to a grocery store say 10m away, you will be beset by tuk tuk drivers trying to get you a ride. They don't seem to realize (or care) that if you wanted a ride you'd come to them.

Unlike about every where else in the world I've been thus far, the capital of Lao is more expensive than the outlying towns. The locals fail to understand why this is unusual.

If you're in a place that charges laundry by the piece, you either can afford too much money for stuff or you're in the wrong place. You want to get to a place that either charges by the load or by the kilo.



PRICES

Dorm in Aya Guesthouse, 40,000 KIP. Note that I've found dorms for 10,000 - 20,000 so this seems like a huge cost for a dorm. I didn't stay there.

Vientiene to Pakse bus. They claim it is only ten hours (it's not - twelve or longer), approximately 120,000 KIP.

In general, the prices of lodging is a bit cheaper than Thailand, food is substantially more expensive. Alcohol is about half price. The food isn't as good here as in Thailand. You can't do much in the way of negotiation with Laos people. In other countries (especially when the place is owned by a 'good ole boy' expat) there is room for negotiation for lodging. Here, you can usually knock off say 10,000 KIP if you are staying multiple days and such. Unfortunately, in USD, that is approximately nothing.

Sleeper bus from Vientiene (capital city of Laos) to Pakse (southern city in Laos), 165,000. Note, for this price you'll be sharing your bed with someone who may be a stranger and getting bumped into them and jounced about on a continuous and ongoing basis. Add fifty percent or more to the price to get shaken to death in your own bed.

Suspicious meat on a stick that looked a bit like a hotdog but had inedible bits on it as well as some sort of drink that tasted like a cross between cough syrup and soda, 7,000 KIP.

Use of a disgusting bathroom with a big ole turd left in it, 1000 KIP.

Shave at a place tourists haven't found, 10,000 KIP. Actually gave her a 5000 KIP tip as she did a decent job.

Pakse to Veunkham (town on the border with Cambodia), 70,000 KIP, about two hours of travel time.

Tuk tuk to the bus station (about 1KM away), 10,000 KIP (after bargaining down from 30,000 KIP).

Laundry - ranges between 8000 KIP (good price) to 10,000 KIP (normal price) on up.

Lao beer (named 'Beerlao'), 640 ML, 8000 - 10,000 KIP, depending on where you buy it. [Note for Chris C., it is like but not quite a 'forty'. Although it is legal in Laos to drink beer on the sidewalk, if you can find a brown paper bag to put it into (I can't, bring your own bags) you can pretend you are in America.]

Friday, November 11, 2011

LAOS, INITIAL IMPRESSIONS

NARRATIVE

My initial impressions of Luang Prabang (Lao): It's a fairly quiet town. By that, I mean that there are no bars, night life or any of that sort of thing in evidence. The big game that people seem to play among themselves in side alleys and such - bingo. I am not joking. They play it with the concentration normally reserved to retirees in America who have nothing better going on in their lives.

I don't really mind a quiet town, however. It gives me more time to plot and scheme.

The French influence is very apparent in the architecture as well as restaurants which offer an assortment of crapes, baguettes and sandwiches - none of which I want. Fortunately, there is enough Lao food (as well as American or generalized Western European) to keep me fed.

When I initially got here, I followed a girl off of the boat who looked like she knew where she was going. She was a bit concerned but I explained about my navigating by zen. Her concern moved from 'possible stalker' to 'weirdo'. I haven't seen her since. The place she inadvertently led me to was OK. The price was only 50,000 KIP. It did have internet but despite their claims to the contrary, it didn't quite reach into the room. Because I like downloading more shit to keep me busy, I decided the next day to look for a better place.

Neither the initial place I stayed nor the place after that bothered to look at my passport nor even get my passport number. It is tempting to begin living under an assumed name but I know that is the kind of thing to bite me in the ass later.

The second place I sought out the morning after was nearly double the first place at 80,000 KIP but that is still only $10 per night. With my own room, own bathroom, a balcony, table, a hard backed wooden chair and internet that actually reaches into the room I am happy with it.

After spending a successful night I was able to negotiate the manager down to 70,000 KIP if I paid three nights all at once. It is not a great discount but that is the problem of not being able to deal with the boss directly.

So far the Lao folk (I don't know the plural) seem OK. I am rather neutral toward them. Some seem cheerful and nice, others like that until you do something they don't like then it jumps to bitchy with no give, others seem aloof. I am pretty neutral on them overall neither harboring good nor bad feelings toward them as a whole. Actually, I can't think of a country that I am overall positively or negatively disposed toward the people as a group. Interesting. This is up from my past where I 'hated everyone equally'. I must be mellowing with age.

The level of English spoken is slightly up from what I encountered in Thailand though there are still plenty of folks who will just throw up their hands and not want to even try to understand what you are saying.

By contrast, the driving safety is well elevated from Thailand. Here, they drive American style (as opposed to British) but they seem to que instead of the 'whatever you can get away with' strategy. There are still more than enough people who are more focused on hauling packages, holding up umbrellas and talking on the cell phone (sometimes all at once) while driving a scooter to keep the population from getting out of hand.

Like Thailand, the stores in Lao confuse me. It is like someone badly printed a book on capitalism and someone else ripped out some vital pages of it. People who decided to open stores were forced to read this book and believed it. Like in Thailand, the secret to success in business is to find a successful business then open up the exact same business next door to it. You sell the same shit at the same prices. The thinking seems to be that you will then be just as successful. I don't claim to be an expert in business but even to me, this is baffling and bazaar behavior. The stores are all the same and sell approximately the same things. They have less personality and individual feel than a row of Twinkies. You won't encounter a stationary store that also sells cold drinks, as an example. Sadly, even in American business you can still find many examples of the 'do what worked for someone else' strategy. Mainly in Hollywood. And MMO's.



LOGAN THE WHAT?

I decided to give teaching English a try. I went to two different places and got results with one of them. The first place I went to was an 'English university'. It really wasn't - it was a building looking like every other that was labeled as such. I missed it the first couple times I went by. I even bought a pen (that didn't work) from the business next door. When I finally discovered it, I heard Pete H's voice in my head chuckling dryly and saying "You're just not paying attention, Logan!" I have no idea how Pete AKA Sherlock Holmes wormed his way into my subconscious but I suspect he is monitoring me from afar with some sort of strange, eldritch device. However he is doing it, I find it odd that my subconscious has an Australian accent. They have no native English teachers at the school and the teachers they do have were astonishing only in that they are allowed to teach English. The first time I made an appointment the 'big boss' blew it off as something else came up. I went by later without an appointment but was told that they didn't have any use for someone to come by for a few days or a week to help out on a volunteer basis. What they really needed was someone who already had a work permit to come by and teach. This tells me that either it is like Thailand where you need a work permit to volunteer, or that the 'big boss' is pretty brainless.

The other place I had gone to, on an impulse, was a Buddhist temple (called a Wat). I am now teaching some of the monks English for an hour a day. I don't really have a curriculum or anything - we're just jumping into it. The first thing I learned is why teachers have a curriculum. I suspect that I'll be needing to learn a lot from this.

I thought at first I would just be teaching one monk (named Phon) but other monks seem to drift in and out to see if they can pick up bits. I think I've learned more about the monks than they have learned about English from me.

Thus far, I've learned that the monks pray, build buildings, study (I'm guessing religious and schooling), and live a far more worldly life than I thought monks would live. Until the age of twenty you are a novice. As soon as you hit twenty, presto, you are a monk. I don't know if they have further ranks up the ladder or not. You are also able to give up being a monk whenever you want. The monk Phon (yes, he is over twenty) joined the priesthood because his school was too far away. Being poor farmers, his parents couldn't afford to purchase him a bike to get there. He needed to join in order to get an education. His goal is to open a restaurant some day. He seems pretty bright - though very reserved. When I first talked to him about teaching him and anyone else who wanted to learn English, he asked why I would waste my time doing that. Yes, those were his words. I was surprised at his directness. I decided to give a direct answer back and tell him it was so that I could find out if I enjoyed teaching. If I do, then I could perhaps get a TEFL certificate and do it elsewhere for money. I've only worked with him for one day as of the writing of this and so far I really don't have an opinion. I also don't think what I'm doing is teaching so much as it would be construed as 'tutoring'. I also think that any actual English teacher would shit a football at what I am teaching them. Well, at least the English teachers I had in my youth. I've met a lot of English teachers that consider themselves to be more 'hip' than that. To wit, I point out "Hey, you're a fucking English teacher. Sorry, it is not 'hip'." But what else would you do with a degree in English other than Starbucks? [Yes, I'd take even a fake degree in English right now as it would make me money but I know better than to try teaching English in the states thank you very much.] It is real English but not proper/book English. I am working on more of the 'common usage' English.



THE ANGRY FRENCHMAN

I was sitting around watching a French couple who were stupid enough to order without looking at the menu. They were an older couple - fifties or sixties. The man was absolutely outraged at being charged 5000 KIP for a small bucket of ice. He was upset at the principle of the thing. He even made a threat to close the restaurant. I'm not sure if he knew how full of shit he sounded. I don't think they have 'tourist police' here but even had this happened in Thailand, you'd just end up paying it after they arrived. Eventually they stormed off. I don't think they had to pay for the ice. In the past, I would have been irritated at such a big scene and tantrum. Now, I just pull out my notebook and think "You go in blog now."



THE SHITTY BAG

So, I decided to go try out Lao whiskey. It costs about five dollars a bottle so I figured 'why not'. I bought a bottle and had made it literally five meters away from the shop before the bottom ripped out of the plastic bag and the whiskey within its box plummeted to the ground. Naturally, the bottle immediately broke. Just before it ripped, I had an odd premonition that it would. I decided to see how it would play out. I looked back at the guy who was observing this and spread out my arms in the universal 'would you look at this fucking shit' gesture. I brought him back the bag and box of broken glass. I was more curious to see what he would do than anything. He ended up replacing it for free as well as giving me a double bag. This gave me a warm fuzzy feeling about the people of Lao. It lasted until I tasted the whiskey.



TRAVELER'S TIPS

If a place doesn't scrutinize your passport, assume the security is shit and act accordingly. Not only can your stuff be stolen but it can be stolen completely anonymously.

Never order without seeing the menu unless you have extra money to burn. Personally, I like to demand my check with the food. If something is brought to the table, ask how much it costs and send it back if you didn't order it. Otherwise, you will get stuck will bills for rice, extra sauce, ice, etc.



KEEPING TO YOURSELF

I am still struggling to follow the wise words of Adam who told me to keep my cards closer to my chest. I'm still having problems with that but every day is a new learning adventure.

If, for example, you use a towel outside of it's intended use then ask for a new towel and present the old, you must be prepared to pay for the new towel. Better just to discretely steal a towel on the drying line at some point than pay an amazing 50,000 KIP for a new one and be threatened with the police if you do not.

Also, at this hotel I am politely fending off various 'when are you going to go do tourist shit that gives this hotel more money' offers from the proprietor. I have a built in excuse for the next couple days with my quirky stomach. I don't know what I ate but oh my god - and yes, sadly it is related to what I think of as the 'towel incident'. Whenever he asks about me wanting to do any of their over priced packaged tours, I always politely tell him I will consider it. Next I will move into looking at literature and such. Eventually, I will run out of time and be forced to move on without (so sad!) being able to indulge in this shit.

Yes, Adam, I can hear you shaking your head at me...



EXPAT COMMUNITY

I have been unable to locate the expat community here, other than some stuff on the internet. Sadly, the stuff on the internet I've found really sucks ass. I need to find a bunch of old gents sitting around and drinking beer to get the inside scoop. Unfortunately, this place doesn't seem to attract them. It could be something to do with the laws stating if you have sex with a Lao girl and are not her husband you go to jail you dirty foreign devil you. Not sure. Given the short duration of the visas and things I've heard, China or Vietnam may be a better bet. I'm planning on looking up more information but honestly, I'm not in a huge hurry to do so. I am still conducting my 'teaching experiment'. Note, I won't be able to get a Vietnam visa at the border. I've looked up the consulate for Vietnam in Luang Prabang. I've got to see if I can get a visa from them so I will be paying them a visit. If I can't, then I suspect (unless Julie's contact in China suddenly gets me a contact who will get me a visa and a job) it will be off to Cambodia when I am ready to leave.

Honestly, I'm beginning to think I made a big mistake in working my way through the north of Thailand and into Lao. I should have pushed east instead toward Cambodia. Well, I guess it's another country I've visited...



PRICES

Dark beer (not bad), 10,000 KIP.

Non functional ballpoint pen, 5000 KIP.

Vegetables with fried rice, not very good, 10,000 KIP.

1.5 liter bottle of water, 6000 KIP.

Trip from where I am (front door service) on an overnight sleeper bus to Vietnam. This bus supposedly has beds but I'm not sure if that is really true. 350,000 KIP (about $43). [Hell, yeah I am going to the bus station first to see if I can find it cheaper.] This bus supposedly goes all the way to Ha Noi.

Meals - generally 10,000 KIP (cold food in the night market, no meat, not very good) to 40,000 KIP + for restaurant dishes. Pretty much everything seems to be 10,000 KIP or 20,000 KIP.