WORKING UP TRAVEL PLANS
Right now I'm upset with the Chinese government. Apparently, they're still feeling a bit touchy from having taken over Tibet. This means you have to get 'special travel permits' to go through Tibet. The only way you can get these special travel permits is to go through a travel agency. You can't buy just the travel permit. Oh no. You must book a vehicle AND a driver AND a guide! I can't afford all that shit. So, I'm working on figuring out a way to get from SE Asia over to Tibet, preferably without flying.
It might be possible to do a very wide swing all the way around the Tibetan 'issue' and then come in from the north into India and circle back to get to Nepal. But it looks like a serious amount of ground to cover and having traveled a lot, I know what that means. Also, China and India don't seem to get along well - I'm not sure if there would be a place to legally cross the border there.
I decided to do some research by actually going to the Chinese consulate and asking questions. They had a couple clerks who may have been hired more for looks than any sort of critical thinking skills. They were certainly not hired for their English speaking ability though they did have some. After talking to them (and making notes, and pictures, and hand signs) for awhile the story I pieced together was not good. Despite Vietnam and China actually sharing a border which does allow traffic, tourists cannot get in that way. They are required to fly in. The way you get your ticket is to go buy an airplane ticket then bring it to the Chinese consulate. The visa is issued only for the duration of the stay in China with 30 days being the absolute maximum. What a gyp.
So, fuck that. I may in the future figure out some clever way into China or meet up with a diplomat who is happy to help me out getting in. Don't laugh - I've met the brother of a Nigerian diplomat already who offered to help me get into the country but that's a ways off.
I'm thinking about going back to Cambodia. Hopefully the 'squirting' sensation I experienced most of the time I was in Phnom Phen won't be affecting me in the town of Kampot. I've read they have $5 guest houses I can 'lie low' in and may do so for a month or two while the winter wears off.
Apologies for my Russian friends who are currently freezing their asses off, especially the ones that live in Siberia. I'll say the same thing to you that I did in person. "Move." Negative fifty Celsius? Who puts up with that?
Anyway, while I'm having a long sit in Kampot I will think about what to do next. It is possible that I will get bored and go to other places in Cambodia. It is also possible I will try to escape to India and Nepal. To be honest, I still need to do some research into those to make sure that the places I can stay are massively cheap. I need to save a ton of money. Who knows - if I find a place that 'doesn't suck' I may stay there for a year to save money.
We'll have to see what I find and find through research.
I've noticed that the type of research I've started doing has changed substantially from when I had started the trip. Here is what I'm doing now. In the under developed countries, only the really expensive places use things like hostelworld.com and such. The places I'm wanting to use never would find their way into that. Hell, even the Burma embassy can't keep a working e-mail address. Yeah, I did try to e-mail them. Anyway, I've been checking wiki travel to find out what kind of price range I find under the budget 'sleeping'. After that comes the part that will make my travel mentor Adam yell 'What the fuck is the point then' and possibly vomit in rage. I look under the budget eating places listed to find out what kind of foreign (to them) food they have. I've discovered that I'm not a big fan of (for example) Vietnamese food. Sure, I could eat it once a week or so. Same with Cambodia or Lao food. Thailand food, say three times a week. A significant amount of eating. But I do like variety. The major type of food I've been eating in Vietnam I would classify as 'shitty Mexican'. Not great by any stretch, but I like it better than Vietnamese food and it's not too much more expensive. When I started my trip, I would always try to eat the food of the country that I'm in but my attitude on this has softened substantially. After eight months I'm to the 'fuck it, eat what I feel like eating' rather than trying to keep the moral high ground of eat like a native. I don't like a lot of what they eat - why punish myself? So if a town I'm thinking about going to doesn't have a lot of food I'm wanting to eat, I'm not going to be going to visit for a prolonged period of time. If at all. Yes, I realize that wiki travel has only a sliver of what is actually there but it does give at least a hint of things to come.
I'm not sure about Indonesia and the Philippines. I had been thinking about going that way but island hopping isn't going to help me save money and they do have some really expensive resorts down there so I'm not sure if that's the way to go. Right now, all I'm interested in is saving some money while being reasonably comfortable so I can work on my book.
SO WHAT'S UP WITH BURMA?
After some fairly exhaustive web research I've done on line, this is what I've come up with. "It's a shithole, avoid it." Apparently, land entry is verbotten (forbidden) unless you are just visiting the town itself for a visa run. Since a lot of the countries in SE Asia make you go out to extend the visa. Why? Because of bureaucratic shenanigans. Some of Burma's borders are closed. If you are able to get in there, you need to hire a mandatory 'guide'. They have terrorists blowing stuff up. This is because the military was in charge, some elections happened that people say were rigged and at the end to everyone's huge surprise the military was still in charge. Quite surprising. It would be quite impossible for me to enter the country through one border and exit through a different one, hence making it useless to me. Despite these obvious 'what the hell is wrong with this picture' and a hefty amount of bureaucratic bullshit to get into the country, the government is claiming on their webpage they want a lot of tourists this year. Want in one hand...
So, it's looking like Burma has taken itself off of the table. I'm not sure about their neighbor Bangladesh. More research required for there.
WHERE I'M AT NOW
Right now, I am staying in a building that would qualify as a 'guesthouse'. It's $12 per night. I have hot water showers and air conditioning. The room is of decent size. They provided me with two chairs (my fat ass broke the first, just like Adam's toilet seat) and the second probably isn't far behind. It's decent. I went looking for a new place though because I'm not real comfortable here. The reason isn't because I have to walk down a couple floors any time I want to go outside to smoke - I can live with that. I walk a ton anyway - it's just more exercise sorely needed. I don't like it because a very extended family lives here. It's literally their home. So, I get to hear them argue loudly with each other. Wander by them when they are in partial states of undress in the main room which is the only exit to the street. For those who think that sounds good, let me just say that seeing an eighty year old pair of breasts trumps any cold shower. I get to hear babies cry. Other places have yappy dogs. Before I did some fairly serious traveling, I had sort of a romantic view of 'home stays'. Now, I think "Christ save me from this." Most places I've stayed in it is not the guests which are loud and obnoxious. It is the people who work there - or worse yet live there. They are the ones with the loud pets or who like talking loudly on skype or playing music. Just give me silence where I am staying and I'm happy. Yes, the party hostel is an exception but if you know what you're getting into when you go there, you can live with it. But the majority of the time when I'm not hanging out with others give me silence.
VIETNAM ATMS AND BANKS
Although their currency is nearly worthless, they don't let you take much out of an ATM. 2M VND seems average with a few machines peeking at 4M. That's not much - $200. With my ill planned bank hitting me up for a huge amount of money ($30 or so) every time I make a transaction, I try not to make small ones. Yes, I think the people who pay $1.50 per withdraw and get $20-$40 at a time are amazingly stupid. I went to a bank looking for a bigger withdraw and got hit for 4% fees. Not good - bring the money you will need for your trip to Vietnam.
WHAT'S NEXT
I've researched the area I am going to be going to in Cambodia. It's actually not that far from me. I then decided to research areas around where I am (HCMC) to see if there was somewhere else I could go hang out for a couple weeks here. Nothing looked decent. At all. So, I could stay in HCMC where I am feeling swarmed by people and touts or head across the border into Cambodia. I'm thinking I'll be going back to Cambodia. Not planning on coming back to Vietnam. The people were OK but nothing I really want here. I just want to find the kind of place that has $5 per night rooms. Maybe upgrade to a $7 per night room and get some extras. Ooooo! We'll see. I'm going to sit and ponder stuff in Cambodia unless I decide I can't stand it then I'm going to either head back to Thailand or just pop over to India. I'm not sure. If anyone has any ideas or words of wisdom, I'm interested.
Note that I'll be here at least through Thursday, possibly till Friday as my eye doctor appointment (the thing I've been waiting in HCMC for) happens on Thursday afternoon.
AMAZINGLY STUPID, BUT ENTERTAINING
Heck, that could be the name for the blog.
This bizarre video spliced from a freaky movie. Thanks to Chris C. for sending it to me.
Showing posts with label Vietnam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vietnam. Show all posts
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
STILL IN SAIGON
TWAS THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND ALL THROUGH SAIGON
[For clarity, HCMC (Ho Chi Minh City) = Saigon]
I really intensely dislike going out at night in a new town until I get a feel for the town. I'm not sure if it's being paranoid or just plain cautious but I like to know what I'm getting into. The night time is when it cools off significantly and the towns in SE Asia really come to life. It is a short lifetime for most of the countries as everything closes up somewhere between 21:00 and 24:00, after the residents have worked through a twelve hour or longer day.
Hunger drove me out earlier than I'd wanted through the streets of Saigon. If I have to go out at night in an unfamiliar town, I try to play it safe and stick to the main streets close to where I'm staying. The safety may be illusory but it is something. In the four block walk to find food, I was accosted by several groups of threes. Three people wanting to offer me rides, three prostitutes offering me the opportunity to make a small sperm donation for a large cash donation and four groups of three people wanting to sell me useless shit. You can buy anything - recreational drugs, food, unidentifiable food, books, pirated DVD's, mops, etc. Everyone is interested in gnawing at the teat of the tourist for some of that sweet, sweet money.
There are a ton of Russian tourists here. I'm not sure why - English is still the lingua franca of this area. Maybe because Vietnam is a communist country it is more attractive to them. American tourists are easy to spot - a lot of them have extra kilo like I do or boom their voices. Like I do. It makes me sad that I am such a stereotype.
The area I'm currently staying in has both an upside and a downside. The downside is the non-stop barrage of 'give me money' requests coming in. The upside is that they have a few westernized restaurants I have eaten at without getting sick. Although I loved Thai food (who doesn't?) and would sometimes just eat western food there to break it up, I've found that I really don't get enjoyment out of Vietnamese food. Their big dish is pho. That's noodles in soup with a couple pieces of some meat as a garnish. It's a lot like eating ramen without the flavor packet.
In Saigon tons of tourists are in the tourist district (district 1). I have made my way through long walks on foot into other districts but risking the amazingly heavy traffic doesn't fill my heart with joy. To me, Saigon is a fix up station of sorts. Today I spent $10 to get my teeth cleaned, and another ten or twenty on refilling a couple medicines. Refuel so I can head back out to somewhere less congested.
I wanted to see about correcting my Acer netbook. According to the monitoring program the Amazing Bert had me download it had been running pretty hot. I had gotten the address of the Acer repair center here in HCMC. I was pretty happy to get that address. Rather than play the 'fuzzy directions' game which never has any winners, I just negotiated with the motorbike drivers to get a cheap set of NDE's (near death experiences). We made our way over there. One one of the journeys I was trying to count the number of times we almost hit someone or was hit by someone but I gave up. Anyway, we got there and I talked to a very nice man who spoke excellent English from having lived in Australia for several months. The problem with the temperature of my computer was a flaw in the design and has since been fixed in subsequent products. I gave him my "if they knowingly made and sold me a fucked up product I'm not going to give them any more money" look and asked what could be done about it. The only thing he could recommend was an external fan. He gave me 'computer parts street' address. Remember the Asian business ideal of 'if someone sets up a business and has any success you should set up the exact sort of business and sell the exact same shit at the same price and you too will be successful'. This strategy causes all the businesses of one type aside from pharmacies and small grocery stores which are everywhere to get into large clumps. I took another scooter over there and bought a very small fold up external fan for my netbook ($5). Despite it's weak assed fans, it seems to be doing the job according to the sensors. Weird.
THE TALE OF THE DOOR WEDGE
For those who have been reading the blog for awhile, this is a piece of gear that I've had sitting unused in my backpack for quite a few countries. In SE Asia, it has gotten plenty of use. Usually in hotels, they have a door chain or bolt you can pull. Many of the places I've stayed have not. I'm not sure why but they haven't. Because I'm not an ultra light sleeper with catlike reflexes and a burglar dissuading kukri, I've been using the door wedge as well as locking the door.
Once I found the door unlocked but the wedge still in place.
Did I accidentally leave the door unlocked? It is a possibility but I feel better for using the wedge. It is not a preventive, just a small time waster and that may make it a small deterrent. Yes, I sometimes do put furniture in front of the door as well. Not heavy stuff as I am not physically strong, just stuff that will make a racket. After getting robbed twice so far, I hope that I will be forgiven for having 'trust issues'.
And speaking of trust issues...
THE TALE OF THE HAT
So I'm wandering around in Saigon going for one of my multi hour stomps around the city playing in traffic. I'm near some statue they set up at a roundabout and some guy approaches me. Because natives who approach me invariably want to sell me stuff I don't need or want I am instantly on guard. "That's a nice hat." He says indicating my camo boonie. I instantly know there is something up for four reasons:
1. His English is too good.
2. He is not wearing a hat.
3. His micro expressions and body language are not showing open, friendly, relaxed. They are showing something more calculated and honestly made me nervous.
4. It is NOT a nice hat.
He then asks if he can see it. Meaning touch it and hold it. Despite his objections I warily back away putting up my hands in the universal "I don't want to deal with you" thing. I'm putting on a show for the ever present other people. After backing up far enough that I should hear him run to get to me, I turn and resume my stomp. In the background, I hear him yelling obscenities and such. Had he yelled for me to have a nice day, I'd have thought that perhaps I had made a mistake. People who yell obscenities after you when you leave are not your friends and are best avoided. I'm not interested in handing anyone anything I'd like back. What if he kept it and said it was his all along? He speaks the language, I don't. I am the outsider. I would lose. Or if he simply ran off. I could follow him for the first meter but after that, he's gone. Or some sort of other 'make friends then scam'. FTS.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
I hope people of all religions can come together at this time of year to celebrate the birth of Santa Clause. Have a good celebration even if you don't worship the flying spaghetti monster.
[For clarity, HCMC (Ho Chi Minh City) = Saigon]
I really intensely dislike going out at night in a new town until I get a feel for the town. I'm not sure if it's being paranoid or just plain cautious but I like to know what I'm getting into. The night time is when it cools off significantly and the towns in SE Asia really come to life. It is a short lifetime for most of the countries as everything closes up somewhere between 21:00 and 24:00, after the residents have worked through a twelve hour or longer day.
Hunger drove me out earlier than I'd wanted through the streets of Saigon. If I have to go out at night in an unfamiliar town, I try to play it safe and stick to the main streets close to where I'm staying. The safety may be illusory but it is something. In the four block walk to find food, I was accosted by several groups of threes. Three people wanting to offer me rides, three prostitutes offering me the opportunity to make a small sperm donation for a large cash donation and four groups of three people wanting to sell me useless shit. You can buy anything - recreational drugs, food, unidentifiable food, books, pirated DVD's, mops, etc. Everyone is interested in gnawing at the teat of the tourist for some of that sweet, sweet money.
There are a ton of Russian tourists here. I'm not sure why - English is still the lingua franca of this area. Maybe because Vietnam is a communist country it is more attractive to them. American tourists are easy to spot - a lot of them have extra kilo like I do or boom their voices. Like I do. It makes me sad that I am such a stereotype.
The area I'm currently staying in has both an upside and a downside. The downside is the non-stop barrage of 'give me money' requests coming in. The upside is that they have a few westernized restaurants I have eaten at without getting sick. Although I loved Thai food (who doesn't?) and would sometimes just eat western food there to break it up, I've found that I really don't get enjoyment out of Vietnamese food. Their big dish is pho. That's noodles in soup with a couple pieces of some meat as a garnish. It's a lot like eating ramen without the flavor packet.
In Saigon tons of tourists are in the tourist district (district 1). I have made my way through long walks on foot into other districts but risking the amazingly heavy traffic doesn't fill my heart with joy. To me, Saigon is a fix up station of sorts. Today I spent $10 to get my teeth cleaned, and another ten or twenty on refilling a couple medicines. Refuel so I can head back out to somewhere less congested.
I wanted to see about correcting my Acer netbook. According to the monitoring program the Amazing Bert had me download it had been running pretty hot. I had gotten the address of the Acer repair center here in HCMC. I was pretty happy to get that address. Rather than play the 'fuzzy directions' game which never has any winners, I just negotiated with the motorbike drivers to get a cheap set of NDE's (near death experiences). We made our way over there. One one of the journeys I was trying to count the number of times we almost hit someone or was hit by someone but I gave up. Anyway, we got there and I talked to a very nice man who spoke excellent English from having lived in Australia for several months. The problem with the temperature of my computer was a flaw in the design and has since been fixed in subsequent products. I gave him my "if they knowingly made and sold me a fucked up product I'm not going to give them any more money" look and asked what could be done about it. The only thing he could recommend was an external fan. He gave me 'computer parts street' address. Remember the Asian business ideal of 'if someone sets up a business and has any success you should set up the exact sort of business and sell the exact same shit at the same price and you too will be successful'. This strategy causes all the businesses of one type aside from pharmacies and small grocery stores which are everywhere to get into large clumps. I took another scooter over there and bought a very small fold up external fan for my netbook ($5). Despite it's weak assed fans, it seems to be doing the job according to the sensors. Weird.
THE TALE OF THE DOOR WEDGE
For those who have been reading the blog for awhile, this is a piece of gear that I've had sitting unused in my backpack for quite a few countries. In SE Asia, it has gotten plenty of use. Usually in hotels, they have a door chain or bolt you can pull. Many of the places I've stayed have not. I'm not sure why but they haven't. Because I'm not an ultra light sleeper with catlike reflexes and a burglar dissuading kukri, I've been using the door wedge as well as locking the door.
Once I found the door unlocked but the wedge still in place.
Did I accidentally leave the door unlocked? It is a possibility but I feel better for using the wedge. It is not a preventive, just a small time waster and that may make it a small deterrent. Yes, I sometimes do put furniture in front of the door as well. Not heavy stuff as I am not physically strong, just stuff that will make a racket. After getting robbed twice so far, I hope that I will be forgiven for having 'trust issues'.
And speaking of trust issues...
THE TALE OF THE HAT
So I'm wandering around in Saigon going for one of my multi hour stomps around the city playing in traffic. I'm near some statue they set up at a roundabout and some guy approaches me. Because natives who approach me invariably want to sell me stuff I don't need or want I am instantly on guard. "That's a nice hat." He says indicating my camo boonie. I instantly know there is something up for four reasons:
1. His English is too good.
2. He is not wearing a hat.
3. His micro expressions and body language are not showing open, friendly, relaxed. They are showing something more calculated and honestly made me nervous.
4. It is NOT a nice hat.
He then asks if he can see it. Meaning touch it and hold it. Despite his objections I warily back away putting up my hands in the universal "I don't want to deal with you" thing. I'm putting on a show for the ever present other people. After backing up far enough that I should hear him run to get to me, I turn and resume my stomp. In the background, I hear him yelling obscenities and such. Had he yelled for me to have a nice day, I'd have thought that perhaps I had made a mistake. People who yell obscenities after you when you leave are not your friends and are best avoided. I'm not interested in handing anyone anything I'd like back. What if he kept it and said it was his all along? He speaks the language, I don't. I am the outsider. I would lose. Or if he simply ran off. I could follow him for the first meter but after that, he's gone. Or some sort of other 'make friends then scam'. FTS.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
I hope people of all religions can come together at this time of year to celebrate the birth of Santa Clause. Have a good celebration even if you don't worship the flying spaghetti monster.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
SAIGON HO!
NARRATIVE
I ended up moving place of residence within Vung Tau. The owners of the new place seemed quite interested in having me as a guest. In accordance with Asian business practices, everyone who ever wanted to build a guesthouse did so within the same six blocks. There were literally half a dozen guest houses or so on every block, both sides. Hence, competition was rough. When I first stopped in and asked the price it was 200,000 VND. I pointed out that up the road it was only 150,000. The price immediately became 150,000 for the room which was much nicer than the one just up the road.
Keep in mind that in all of SE Asia (that I've been to thus far) EVERYTHING is negotiable. You can even negotiate for marked prices in grocery stores and such if you are buying more than one of something. Or just happen to have not quite enough money on you.
The room had a refrigerator, balcony and air conditioning. Aside from the staff, it was pretty quiet. This fed into my opinion that when something is fucked up at a guesthouse or hostel, it can usually be traced to the staff. They liked to play loud music in the morning while the guests were still sleeping. I don't understand why people would do that, especially if you own a guesthouse which is in constant stiff competition with other guesthouses. After I got up and went downstairs a bit of sign language ended that. They figured out I was still trying to sleep and the loud music was not helping. The price for laundry started at $3 per kilo until I said that was super and did they know where I could go find it for $1 per kilo or should I just go search? Here! No problem.
After doing some research and buying a map at one of the posh hotels for a buck, I discovered that despite my instructions and having the address written in Vietnamese, the taxi driver had dropped me off at Back Beach instead of Front Beach. It turned out not to be a huge deal other than a three kilometer walk to anywhere useful every day. I figured I could use the exercise and I didn't think I'd be finding $7.50 places to stay on Front Beach so I went with it.
Unfortunately, the biggest problem in Vung Tau is that literally everywhere I ate made me sick. The gross, disgusting kind of sick. (Read 'Medical' below for too many details.) The meals, however, were slightly cheaper - $2 to $4 instead of $3-$6. I'm really not sure if it is worth it though.
Here is something I enjoyed that may interest you - Vietnamese coffee. Here's how it works. They take an empty coffee cup. On top of that they place a metal cup with a metal lid on it. Inside is some sort of double straining device. They put coffee in the metal thing and it drips down. Really slowly. I found out why it is so slow from an expat I spoke with. Apparently, few people in Vietnam other than tourists have access to hot water. Hence, everything is washed in cold water. Because of this, it doesn't get properly clean and the holes the water is suppose to percolate through become more or less permanently clogged. So, you spend awhile fucking with it to get a shot of coffee out of it. The coffee is pretty good. As an American though, when I drink coffee, I'm not happy with a shot of it - I want a full cup. So, I've begun ordering a cup of very hot water along with the coffee. You have to specify hot hot hot water. When the tiny amount of water that is in the silverish cup gets done percolating through, I keep adding more. It really doesn't dilute the coffee much and you get a lot more. Especially since the hot water (thus far) has been free. This tastes different than Greek, Egyptian, etc coffee. The cost of said coffee starts at around 12,000 VND and goes up to about double that, depending on where you buy it but it's generally less than a dollar.
Overall, I've thus far found the Vietnamese people friendly and curious about me. I'm sure they are asking themselves questions like "What the fuck he eat to get so big?" An example of the friendliness, I got invited to sit down and have a (free!) beer with a guy who was throwing a small party at the guesthouse I was staying at to celebrate his guesthouse opening across the street. Business practices and attitudes seem to be very different here than in the States!
The pharmacies here seem even worse stocked than those in Cambodia. The Cambodian ones seem a bit more poorly stocked than Thailand. So, I'm currently at the bottom of the scale for actually finding my medicine. Fortunately, I have enough for my time here. I would have had more but wasn't sure if there would be some sort of bag search for naughty drugs and have them seize my blood pressure medicine thinking it was crack cocaine. There wasn't but I'll need to keep searching for medicine. It gives me yet another reason to walk around.
Vung Tau was a bit odd. From what I've read and seen it is essentially a tourist town. Despite that, few people speak English there. Even the people who normally speak decent English such as pharmacists and such don't have any ability to do so. This is especially odd because before I'd come I'd read and heard that much more English is spoken in Vietnam than Thailand, Lao and Cambodia. Thus far this is what we would call a 'lie'. I speak more French (or Arabic or Spanish) than most of them do English. Sometimes, if you write it down they may understand a little better. I suspect this is because they had sucky non-native English teachers who could spell fine and couldn't pronounce worth a damn. Personally, if I was in charge of the country, I'd start interviewing everyone from a native English speaking country that came in and ask 'If you were given a job and money to teach English, how long could you be here for?' I think that by giving the students a language teacher who isn't a native you do them a great disservice.
LOGAN'S PLANS - DISRUPTED...AGAIN
I don't know why I would get surprised any more. Nothing I plan ever seems to go as intended. My intent had been to stay in the cheap town of Vung Tau for awhile to try to save up a little cash. Lie low. Work on my book. Get some exercise walking back and forth. Avoid the hustle and bustle of the big city for awhile.
It was not to be.
I spent a day looking for an eye doctor. I went to hospitals to get directions from people. Addresses were written down that turned out after an hour or two of walking to be dress shops. People were questioned and gave contrary answers. Streets were explored. Hours of walking. No eye doctors.
Vung Tau would have been a rough town for me to live in. Either spend money (NO!) or walk three kilometers to get anywhere interesting. But I'd be saving money. I had Adam's ghost (even though he's not dead) appear to me swathed in chains which he rattled at me and threatened to choke me with. In a ghostly voice he said "You've got cheap living here. Stop yer bitching you big pussy."
I was happy to do just that.
But I need an eye doctor. Iritis can permanently fuck your vision. Cataracts and other scary stuff. And I do use my eyes often, despite what Pete says.
So it's back to HCMC (Saigon). After I get fixed up there, I may go to one of the other small towns around time allowing. After I explained this to Adam's ghost, he shruugged and said "Do what you got to do. But you're still being a pussy." And then he faded out. I have no idea why I am being haunted by the ghosts of the living. Probably because he is my unwilling mentor.
Following another piece of Adam wisdom (TM) "Keep your own council", the first hint the owners of the hotel had that I was leaving was when I showed up in the morning wearing my backpack. Unfortunately, I couldn't find my receipt for the previous night and so I got to have a five minute discussion with the kid who was manning the desk until his father showed up and verified that indeed I had paid. Note this was in spite of me paying every morning like clockwork with the kid standing there watching. I think that the father wanted to have a discussion with me about something else. It may have been along the lines of 'did you turn off everything' or 'did you leave the remote there' but since he spoke no English and I was already irritated at being unjustly held up, he got a jaunty wave and I was off.
Since I knew where the boat place was, tickets were slightly cheaper this time ($10 or 200,000 VND) to get to HCMC (Saigon). The seat I got was in the front. This caused my theory about people needing to spend more on t seats up front to fall through. Perhaps the first ticket 'oh we need more money' was just a shake down. Well, fuck them.
I suspect it will be closer to $30 a day in Saigon instead of the under $20 a day in Vung Tau but if I'm lucky I can keep the food down. I realize that won't make me as thin but I was getting worried I may have caught some sort of semi-permanent parasite dwelling in my bowels and laughing at me.
So, I got on the hydrofoil again. Yes, I know I could have saved $26 or so by just staying the hell in Saigon but who knew that a city that size wouldn't have an eye doctor who wasn't hiding more effectively from me than Anne Frank did from the Nazis?
Due to having eaten something just before leaving, I had to make a fast trip to the hydrofoil bathroom. It was surprisingly clean. I think it may have been the cleanest bathroom on any public transport I've ever used. While it is true that it didn't have a sink but just a bucket full of water along with a plastic ladle floating in it, it was still pretty decently clean. I was surprised. There was even toilet paper!
After a couple hours I was again in HCMC. I decided not to fuck around but just to get a taxi cab to district 1. It is where all of the tourists live. And, the restaurants they eat at and hopefully don't get sick. I am so tired of (see 'medical for details on what I am tired of)... The cab ride cost nearly as much as the two hour boat ride here. Happy!
Finding a guest house once I entered 'district 1' (where all of the tourists go) was not a problem. A tout found me. He offered a $12 guesthouse so I said I'd look. After discounting the first one (and his commission) I found myself given from one owner to another. They all seem to work together. Eventually, I found one I could live with for a couple nights.
I checked into a $12 per night guest house. I'm really happy they gave me a business card for it because I'm not certain I could find it again. In fact, using the business card, transport people have trouble finding it. The guesthouse is located in a narrow alley with god knows how many other guesthouses. Maybe a dozen, perhaps more. Aside from no refrigerator or balcony, the room is fine. Hot water, air conditioning, wifi that actually works. Yes, the wifi in Vietnam is much better than Cambodia or Laos. Perhaps equal to or a bit better than Thailand. Not sure. Hell, maybe good enough to get a Skype call but it likes to turn itself off and on unexpectedly.
Since I really don't have a great longing to tour the congested and dangerous streets of HCMC/Saigon, I made straight for the eye doctor. The family that owns the place I am staying at collectively knows a bit of English. The mother of the family warned me several times about bag snatching and that I should not keep my passport in the bag. I thanked her (I don't but didn't want to get into a discussion as to where it was kept) and got a bike rickshaw out there.
Momma-San (as I now think of her) kindly wrote down the name of the hospital in Vietnamese. Apparently, they don't have any private eye doctors around. Plus, she told me the hospital would be cheaper. Cha ching, sold.
The price started at 100,000 VND but when I started laughing and preparing to leave it suddenly dropped to a more reasonable 50,000 VND. I could have probably gotten it a little cheaper but honestly, I feel sorry for any small old man who has to pedal my fat ass anywhere.
And people say I have no mercy. HA!
I had thought about getting a scooter (and would have saved a buck on it I discovered later) but I was a bit wary of it. My leg has fully healed from the last time I'd been on a scooter and I wasn't anxious about repeating the performance. I'm fragile. (Stop nodding.)
As we slowly made our way (presumably) to the hospital, I reflected back. I like Phnom Phen better thus far than HCMC. It is less congested and a lot more gritty. Hell, I could have stayed in the States if I wanted to see modern, clean streets glass and steel. Give me a bit fucked up with plenty of character any time. While I may bitch about it (or sound like I am) I enjoy it.
Here is a video of me on the way to the hospital.
Thinking about the doctor, I was making a new plan. Consult and get the fuck out. Get out of the big city and go to somewhere cheaper. A good plan, I thought. Like all of my plans, this one would be shattered really soon as well. Happiness and joy are mine.
THE HOSPITAL
The outer areas of the hospital look as though it was built in the 1950's and haven't been maintained since. You know when they use the cheap glue and stick it over the wall then slap up a movie poster in a hurry? Later someone else tries to take it down. They get a few strips of it then give up in frustration and you've got half the poster left? They did that with medical notices and such. They have the movable poles with the chain going through them. These are used to temporarily close off an area and moved to open it again. Much like the 'velvet rope' concept. This chain was literally covered in rust. I'd never seen that before. Scores of people waited to see a doctor. I got the impression that these were the people too sick to ignore it or ones which had tried home remedies which failed to work. These are the really sick people. In America, often we get people who go to the hospital because they're feeling a bit 'under the weather'. Here that doesn't seem to happen. The outer areas of the hospital were hot, crowded, very dirty and stunk of illness.
I got there a bit after noon. All of the doctors, staff and even admittance people were out to lunch until 13:30. How about that. The only people in evidence were the patients, moving like zombies or sitting listlessly in seats with homemade bandages on. This reminded me of a story about a restaurant in a communist country being closed during lunch time - so the staff could eat.
When you get to the hospital you see lots of signs. Nothing is in English. From the layout of the place it is in no way obvious as to where you should go. There is nothing the location of screams 'start here'. Aside from about four people, nobody seemed to speak much English. This did little to inspire confidence in my first Vietnamese hospital visit.
Hunting down and grilling the staff eventually got me told that lunch would be over at 13:30. This is what we call a 'lie'. Naturally, they were late getting open, but I've come to expect that. After the medical teams had returned to work, we were able to access the 'forbidden hallway' when they pulled aside the bars that had blocked it. The 'forbidden hallway' was a few steps up in cleanliness as were the offices after that. Apparently, more care is put into where the doctors actually work rather than just the waiting room.
One thing I've found in most Asian countries I go to is that I get treated first. Bumped right to the head of the waiting line. I use to stress about this but three things have gotten me away from that into just accepting it:
1) I can't understand the language and usually have no clue as to what is going on. Being singled out and sometimes even walked around is reassuring.
2) If I say 'I'm not next in line' or 'what about them' or protest that it is not my turn, it creates more hassle and I still end up going when they direct. Easier to just do as they say and go with the flow.
3) I've had enough people climb over me in other lines as most of these countries have no clue what 'standing in line' means. I figure it is Karma attempting to balance itself.
I'm not sure whether they bump foreigners to the front of the line for courtesy or if they are wondering what I am writing in my notes and want to get me off of the premises before I devalue the building.
Within the eye doctor's exam room, they did all of the stuff an American (or Cambodian) eye doctor would normally do but combined it with an odd game of musical chairs presumably to keep track of the people. Initially, I was impressed with the speed they went through the patients until it turns out that the doctor had lost my book and had to make me a new one. The book is an elaborate but small paper book they issue you when you pay. It combines a prescription pad, reminder of when you should come again, medical records, etc. They don't hold on to this, the patient does once they are discharged from the facility.
Despite my left eye getting better, the doctor feels it is best to keep me on the really heavy Pred Forte regime. I'm good with that. Sadly though, she wants to see me in a week. She isn't confident that the eye doctors 'in the provinces' will either exist or be competent. Hence, it appears I'm trapped in HCMC. In a week, I get to spend another 200,000 VND ($10) for another visit. I can live with that cost.
She wrote down an additional eye drop I'd need on my book and had someone walk me down to the pharmacy. Since Pred Forte was also on the pad, they sold me another bottle of that as well. I was set to object until I noticed the price was less than half of what I'd paid in Cambodia and thought was a remarkably cheap price. Although I already have two bottles in my kit, I was good with spending another dollar something for another.
I decided to risk a scooter back to the guesthouse as a journey of that length is pretty uncomfortable, either way but faster on the scooter. I managed to get back without dying or getting burned. Huzzah!
So now that I'm stuck in Saigon (for health reasons) for a week, I'm thinking that I might be able to eat at restaurants that won't make me sick. Yes, they'll cost more. Yes, since I am able to eat and perhaps wanting to eat more often my food costs will go up. But I'm pretty sure that just eating one meal a day and (see Medical) isn't really healthy. Believe me when I say I'm not wasting away or anything but I do enjoy good food.
More next time...
VIETNAM SHENANIGANS
I was talking to a group of Australian expats and they were regaling me with stories about monkey business done by Vietnamese construction crews. Like putting up concrete walls without metal supports. Using beach sand laden with salt instead of the slightly more expensive correct sand. From what they told me, when the salt melts out you have much less stable concrete from beach sand. Numerous attempts to steal cable and electricity. Walls falling down onto other people's property due to shitty construction and the attempts by the crew to hide the damage and fallen wall under rubbish piles. This feeds into my opinion that I'd love to get people from SE Asia to decorate stuff for me but I really don't want to get into an elevator they built.
Another expat told me that if there was ever an accident involving a foreigner such as the foreigner being run over by a motorcycle that it is the foreigner who is at fault. It was their own fault they were there instead of in their own country. Interesting.
In Vietnam, you are required to leave your identification (passport) with the hotel so they can supposedly register you with the police. We all remember what happened in Bosnia, yes? Anyway, it is also illegal for foreigners not to have their passport on them at all times. Get around this BS by presenting the hotel/guesthouse with a photocopy of the picture page of your passport along with a photocopy of your Vietnam visa. Have a few of these made in case the hotel/guesthouse loses them. Loses the photocopies instead of your passport.
Here in Vietnam, I've gotten more of the long stares than in any other country I've been to thus far. I really don't mind. I figure that person has absolutely nothing better nor more entertaining to do with their time than stare at the fat foreigner. I actually feel a bit sorry for them. Depending on my mood and what I'm doing (and if I think they'll try to sell me something) I will ignore them, smile at them (until they decide looking elsewhere to be a good idea) or try to strike up a conversation. Normally, the conversation either stalls after 'hello' has been exchanged or they want to inform me they have relatives I've never met living in states I've never been to. Sometimes they want to know things like 'how long have you been here' and 'how long will you be here'. I am wary when answering these questions as I am suspicious by nature and training. Sometimes when you are asked 'how long you been here' it is a way of saying 'how gullible are you'. I normally pad my answer by a couple weeks. Sometimes when they ask 'how long you be here' they are wanting to know for reasons beyond idle curiosity. So I am vague, inexact or lie through my teeth depending on how I feel about it.
LOGAN SHENANIGANS
When you check into a guesthouse in Vietnam, you get the pleasure of filling out a form which asks for 'occupation'. For some reason, I've been putting 'Carnival Freak' in the box. I figure if they ask, I'd tell them I was the 'fat man' at a carnival but I lost too much weight and got fired. I've never had any Vietnamese ask me what the deal is with that but eventually who knows. If the police ever asked me that would be extra humorous. Well, for a little while.
DEEP THOUGHTS
Years ago, I use to ask questions like 'Why don't they have any (insert country name here) restaurants? Surely they must eat there? Why no restaurants?' My friends, I have found the answer. It is twofold.
* The food of (insert country name here) is so close to (insert well known country which does have restaurants name here) as to be indistinguishable to foreign devils. So, you'd have a less known restaurant serving the same food as a different country.
* The food from (insert country name here) sucks ass. Because of this, you will have a visitor once and then never again as they will learn their lesson and tell their friends. A good example for me of his would be a Ukrainian restaurant. I've gotten stuck with those in a couple countries. The reason they are rare (or non-existent) in the USA is that you have all of the countries who make good food in competition with them. The only place they can have a restaurant (in Logan's opinion) is in a country whose food also sucks. That way you can have a choice between two different sucky foods. [Sylvia's cooking was the only good food I ate in the Ukraine - and she is Polish.]
BOOK REVIEW - TWO URBAN FANTASY BOOKS
I'm going to review these together as they seem fairly typical of what I think of the low to medium end in quality of the genre.
Spider's Bite
October Daye novels (the first two)
In Spider's Bite, it talks about an 'assassin'. She is without a doubt the worst assassin I've ever read about. Most assassins which I've heard about (both in fiction and real life) are a 'tool box'. They have different weapons for different purposes and kill pretty much without any feeling at all if they are any good. It is a job to them they have as much emotion about as say a plumber. Plumber's may grumble if the pipes aren't sealing right but they don't get emotional about it. In Spider's Bite, the protagonist is suppose to be a 'dangerous, feared and professional assassin'. This 'assassin' pretty much wants to work out her rage by stabbing the shit out of things with knives. I don't see her so much as a 'professional' as I do someone who would be just as happy having sprinklers of blood showering her as she danced around screaming "I have men (and daddy) issues". Despite the plethora of CSI information available to even the lay person, it is obvious the author hasn't availed herself of it. In addition, if I wanted to have someone who was psychologically addicted to stabbing things (what would Freud make of it?) I'd probably go at least question someone who knows how to fight with a knife. It's amazing how many authors (including both on this review) have people doing things like sticking a sharp knife into their belt. Without a scabbard. Failing to clean the knife after use. My knife fighting training was not all that extensive but even I know that.
With both books, it becomes clear that 'urban fantasy' started as - and with many books continues to be - partially mired in the 'romance' genre. It is amazing just how many times the female protagonists seem to go into heat over every man they meet. I'm not sure why. They sometimes indulge in sex with them but usually not. It appears they go for a lot of 'sexual tension'.
The men are all handsome yet incompetent and weak. If other (actual) men were around they would accuse the men of either being stupid or 'a pussy'. The only strong men are usually either physically or emotionally distant and too involved with something else to try to help out the heroine with whatever project they are working on. I have yet to see a man actually come up with a good idea and implement it. I'm curious if it is only by surrounding the woman with wildly incompetent men that allows her to shine forth as the heroine. Does that mean that if even one competent man was hanging around she couldn't? I've known many competent women over the years and it didn't seem to be the case but perhaps this is the reality within the author's minds.
From the authors bios, a lot of the women (and men for some reason) who write urban fantasy tend to own a lot of cats. That's struck me as a bit suspect. There may be a link.
As to the question, are these books any good - again, they are examples of the middle ranking ones. Say 5/10.
Some other very quick reviews of books I thought sucked. I put these in to save you the pain. If you are thinking 'but what urban fantasy books did you like'? You always tell us about books that sucked! Can you even name one series you liked? Yes. Sandman Slim. There are others but unfortunately the ones I dislike outnumber the ones I like by a good damned margin. Also some of the books I've been listening to are not urban fantasy. For example I have recently listened to (most of) a book on cold war weapons of the CIA. I forgot the title and deleted it when finished but it was interesting to hear because that is the kind of shit we were using when I was in. Now, the game has massively changed and they can print that stuff. So, on with the books that sucked ass!
You Slay Me
This book had some potential. An interesting murder, some interesting characters and a plot that seemed to be going somewhere. After a few chapters, I had to delete it because the bitch (main character) is in heat. Holy shit, every time she got around someone with a penis she was panting and needing it. It was like reading the diary of a nympho. To be fair, it was recorded as a 'romance' but holy shit - you can get more subtle than that.
Laptop of the Gods
If you enjoy a bunch of fist pumping Greek gods (and Roman, whatever) who work for God with a capital G singing lyrics to 1960's songs and shit, this one star out of (pick a number) is for you. I actually listened to nearly a full chapter because I was stunned at just how bad it was. Books like this really give me hope that I can be published. I should probably find out who this guy's agent was. If the agent can sell a piece of shit like that, anything I churn out will probably get sold.
On Stranger Tides and the Anibus Gate
Why the fuck do I keep getting a hold of books by Tim Powers? I clearly don't like his stories. They are a bit dry for me. I suppose that if someone wanted 'historical urban fantasy' this might be the only option. I just find them dull and plodding.
Mistborn
I don't remember specifically but I think I just got bored with it.
The Name of the Wind
I don't remember specifically but I think I just got bored with it.
There you go - some books to avoid if you like the same kind of stuff I do. When I read more books I like, I'll post them up to. Unfortunately, looking for good urban fantasy (or any books I suppose) is a lot like wading through a river of shit looking for diamonds. Stinky, but rewarding. How is that for an analogy? Not all that great. Kind of like pickles on peanut butter. Some people will like it while others will loudly decry, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
MEDICAL (Warning - contains disgusting content. Don't gripe, you've been warned).
Have you ever used a squeeze-able bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup? When you come to the last little bit you are trying desperately to get out of the bottle? When you squeeze it, it makes a thrrrup! sound and bits of chocolate fly out in random directions but hopefully mostly in your glass. Now imagine having some sort of air hose linked up to the bottle that starts at random and forces air through there causing the bottle to semi randomly discharge. God, I can't wait until I get to a country that doesn't cause that feeling in me. Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam have all gotten into the 'eat then camp near a bathroom to see if you will need it' category. Thailand was a treat. Their food was much better and you didn't have to run for a toilet and hope you made it. As part of my 'carry everywhere' gear in my slung black bag I now carry a small supply of 'so you got diarrhea fucking again' pills. I recommend these in a container that won't smash.
To experience some of the fun of this here is a simple thing you can do to experience the thrills and chills of this. Have someone who hates you dress up all in brown with a big bucket of liquid shit. After a random meal, they get to draw a card out of a bag. The cards either say 'safe' or have a random number written on them. If they pull one that says 'safe', nothing happens until your next meal. If they pull one that has a number on it (say between 1-20) they wait that long then tell you 'Run mutherfucker!' They then draw cards until they get another random number and start the stopwatch. Once that time has elapsed, you must be or have been inside a restroom or they get to douse you with the bucket of shit. It's a fun game the whole family can play!
FUTURE PLANS
From Saigon, I'd like to get to somewhere quieter with at least one restaurant I can eat at without (see Medical). Somewhere comfortable, cheap and quiet where I can walk and write my book.
After my Vietnam visa ends, I am really torn as to what to do next. My options (that I've figured out - other clever people might come up with others):
Malaysia - Things cost more than the other countries but allegedly more people actually speak English there. Coincidence? I have heard Singapore is definately expensive and I have no reason to go there (oh look, big metal and glass!) so I'd probably avoid that. But other parts of the country could be interesting. Also, this would provide me with a non-backtracking way into Burma. Which would get me eventually to India and Nepal.
Indonesia - Haven't seen it. Worried about how much the sea voyage would cost, however because I don't want to go through the hassle of flying nor spend the $110 to do so. I'm going to have to go to travel agents to try to research this (which will cost more) because travel by sea hasn't caught up to the internet. Or I just haven't found it.
Island hopping - Easier to answer if my finances were in better shape. I need to do more research to see if places like Papua New Guinea are dead cheap to live or if I'd get there and start screaming in pain. It would put me close to Australia which would cause the Highlander quickening feeling in Pete and he'd start looking around and becoming nervious I was getting to close to his native land. While I know I very much cannot afford Australia, some of the smaller islands and such to the north and west of it may provide living quarters for awhile. I am concerned about being there during the summer however. It may turn me to 'melted Logan'. Which is brown and squishy.
Another option could be Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, Burma, Bangladesh, Nepal, India...?
I figure I've got two or three weeks to research it. I'd say about 90% of my motivation is currently price over 'how cool would it be'. Kind of a sad way to travel right now but it is needed. For example, Burma is very rough and the visa is about double or triple Vietnam. And the tourist industry hasn't really been established. But some people I was talking to were saying living there right now would be dead cheap. I know I'll have to pass through it or boat around it though. For those suggesting the findacrew website, yeah, I checked it out. It should be called 'boatslutwanted' instead. It seems to be guys looking for women to fuck while they sail around.
I wouldn't mind going to somewhere like Poland (I know a lot of folks out there and it seems that even more know me and read this blog) but I don't know if I can make it that far out soon.
Anyway, I've got to still research and ponder the next step. Goals for those wanting to help, dirt cheap and cool during the summer. Yeah, I need fucking wifi to keep sanity. And to write this blog!
FOR JANA
I can't send my notebooks off while I'm in Vietnam. I suspect that if they got hold of them they would burn me at the stake for witchcraft. I will mail them eventually and I suspect you will get a lot of them at once and my backpack will suddenly get a lot lighter. I'm not sure what country to mail them from. Thailand, Laos, Cambodia all had 'sucktastic' mail systems. I'm not sure which country I'll be in next or if it would be better. Malaysia might be a winner if I got there. Note: I checked - as of now it is only two notebooks. By the time I get to a 'good mail' country, who knows.
BTW - how many notebooks are we up to now?
TRAVELER'S TIPS
When the hotel makes a receipt for you, be sure it is dated. If you don't get a dated receipt, you may be forced to pay an additional day whether due to their greed or their incompetence.
I was in a restaurant that had no napkins. Instead, they placed a plastic wrapped wet towelette on the table. I was wary of it. My fears turned out to be founded. Had I used it, I would have been charged an extra 2000 VND. Yes, that is ten cents but on principle, I don't like shit getting put on the table that I didn't order yet will cost me money should I use it. I look at it as unnecessarily sneaky.
COSTS
Taxis seem to be about two to three times as much as motorbikes (scooter). You need to negotiate a motorbike in advance but the taxis have a meter. This meter seems to start off nice and slow but goes up quick after the two dollar mark. I'm not sure why that is. Oddly enough, the bicycle rickshaws cost about the same or sometimes slightly more than the scooters. Generally speaking, I seem to spend about $3-$4 on a taxi, roughly half that on a motorbike. If you don't nail down a price in advance on a motorbike you are a rich fool.
Black and white photocopy, 1000 VND
I ended up moving place of residence within Vung Tau. The owners of the new place seemed quite interested in having me as a guest. In accordance with Asian business practices, everyone who ever wanted to build a guesthouse did so within the same six blocks. There were literally half a dozen guest houses or so on every block, both sides. Hence, competition was rough. When I first stopped in and asked the price it was 200,000 VND. I pointed out that up the road it was only 150,000. The price immediately became 150,000 for the room which was much nicer than the one just up the road.
Keep in mind that in all of SE Asia (that I've been to thus far) EVERYTHING is negotiable. You can even negotiate for marked prices in grocery stores and such if you are buying more than one of something. Or just happen to have not quite enough money on you.
The room had a refrigerator, balcony and air conditioning. Aside from the staff, it was pretty quiet. This fed into my opinion that when something is fucked up at a guesthouse or hostel, it can usually be traced to the staff. They liked to play loud music in the morning while the guests were still sleeping. I don't understand why people would do that, especially if you own a guesthouse which is in constant stiff competition with other guesthouses. After I got up and went downstairs a bit of sign language ended that. They figured out I was still trying to sleep and the loud music was not helping. The price for laundry started at $3 per kilo until I said that was super and did they know where I could go find it for $1 per kilo or should I just go search? Here! No problem.
After doing some research and buying a map at one of the posh hotels for a buck, I discovered that despite my instructions and having the address written in Vietnamese, the taxi driver had dropped me off at Back Beach instead of Front Beach. It turned out not to be a huge deal other than a three kilometer walk to anywhere useful every day. I figured I could use the exercise and I didn't think I'd be finding $7.50 places to stay on Front Beach so I went with it.
Unfortunately, the biggest problem in Vung Tau is that literally everywhere I ate made me sick. The gross, disgusting kind of sick. (Read 'Medical' below for too many details.) The meals, however, were slightly cheaper - $2 to $4 instead of $3-$6. I'm really not sure if it is worth it though.
Here is something I enjoyed that may interest you - Vietnamese coffee. Here's how it works. They take an empty coffee cup. On top of that they place a metal cup with a metal lid on it. Inside is some sort of double straining device. They put coffee in the metal thing and it drips down. Really slowly. I found out why it is so slow from an expat I spoke with. Apparently, few people in Vietnam other than tourists have access to hot water. Hence, everything is washed in cold water. Because of this, it doesn't get properly clean and the holes the water is suppose to percolate through become more or less permanently clogged. So, you spend awhile fucking with it to get a shot of coffee out of it. The coffee is pretty good. As an American though, when I drink coffee, I'm not happy with a shot of it - I want a full cup. So, I've begun ordering a cup of very hot water along with the coffee. You have to specify hot hot hot water. When the tiny amount of water that is in the silverish cup gets done percolating through, I keep adding more. It really doesn't dilute the coffee much and you get a lot more. Especially since the hot water (thus far) has been free. This tastes different than Greek, Egyptian, etc coffee. The cost of said coffee starts at around 12,000 VND and goes up to about double that, depending on where you buy it but it's generally less than a dollar.
Overall, I've thus far found the Vietnamese people friendly and curious about me. I'm sure they are asking themselves questions like "What the fuck he eat to get so big?" An example of the friendliness, I got invited to sit down and have a (free!) beer with a guy who was throwing a small party at the guesthouse I was staying at to celebrate his guesthouse opening across the street. Business practices and attitudes seem to be very different here than in the States!
The pharmacies here seem even worse stocked than those in Cambodia. The Cambodian ones seem a bit more poorly stocked than Thailand. So, I'm currently at the bottom of the scale for actually finding my medicine. Fortunately, I have enough for my time here. I would have had more but wasn't sure if there would be some sort of bag search for naughty drugs and have them seize my blood pressure medicine thinking it was crack cocaine. There wasn't but I'll need to keep searching for medicine. It gives me yet another reason to walk around.
Vung Tau was a bit odd. From what I've read and seen it is essentially a tourist town. Despite that, few people speak English there. Even the people who normally speak decent English such as pharmacists and such don't have any ability to do so. This is especially odd because before I'd come I'd read and heard that much more English is spoken in Vietnam than Thailand, Lao and Cambodia. Thus far this is what we would call a 'lie'. I speak more French (or Arabic or Spanish) than most of them do English. Sometimes, if you write it down they may understand a little better. I suspect this is because they had sucky non-native English teachers who could spell fine and couldn't pronounce worth a damn. Personally, if I was in charge of the country, I'd start interviewing everyone from a native English speaking country that came in and ask 'If you were given a job and money to teach English, how long could you be here for?' I think that by giving the students a language teacher who isn't a native you do them a great disservice.
LOGAN'S PLANS - DISRUPTED...AGAIN
I don't know why I would get surprised any more. Nothing I plan ever seems to go as intended. My intent had been to stay in the cheap town of Vung Tau for awhile to try to save up a little cash. Lie low. Work on my book. Get some exercise walking back and forth. Avoid the hustle and bustle of the big city for awhile.
It was not to be.
I spent a day looking for an eye doctor. I went to hospitals to get directions from people. Addresses were written down that turned out after an hour or two of walking to be dress shops. People were questioned and gave contrary answers. Streets were explored. Hours of walking. No eye doctors.
Vung Tau would have been a rough town for me to live in. Either spend money (NO!) or walk three kilometers to get anywhere interesting. But I'd be saving money. I had Adam's ghost (even though he's not dead) appear to me swathed in chains which he rattled at me and threatened to choke me with. In a ghostly voice he said "You've got cheap living here. Stop yer bitching you big pussy."
I was happy to do just that.
But I need an eye doctor. Iritis can permanently fuck your vision. Cataracts and other scary stuff. And I do use my eyes often, despite what Pete says.
So it's back to HCMC (Saigon). After I get fixed up there, I may go to one of the other small towns around time allowing. After I explained this to Adam's ghost, he shruugged and said "Do what you got to do. But you're still being a pussy." And then he faded out. I have no idea why I am being haunted by the ghosts of the living. Probably because he is my unwilling mentor.
Following another piece of Adam wisdom (TM) "Keep your own council", the first hint the owners of the hotel had that I was leaving was when I showed up in the morning wearing my backpack. Unfortunately, I couldn't find my receipt for the previous night and so I got to have a five minute discussion with the kid who was manning the desk until his father showed up and verified that indeed I had paid. Note this was in spite of me paying every morning like clockwork with the kid standing there watching. I think that the father wanted to have a discussion with me about something else. It may have been along the lines of 'did you turn off everything' or 'did you leave the remote there' but since he spoke no English and I was already irritated at being unjustly held up, he got a jaunty wave and I was off.
Since I knew where the boat place was, tickets were slightly cheaper this time ($10 or 200,000 VND) to get to HCMC (Saigon). The seat I got was in the front. This caused my theory about people needing to spend more on t seats up front to fall through. Perhaps the first ticket 'oh we need more money' was just a shake down. Well, fuck them.
I suspect it will be closer to $30 a day in Saigon instead of the under $20 a day in Vung Tau but if I'm lucky I can keep the food down. I realize that won't make me as thin but I was getting worried I may have caught some sort of semi-permanent parasite dwelling in my bowels and laughing at me.
So, I got on the hydrofoil again. Yes, I know I could have saved $26 or so by just staying the hell in Saigon but who knew that a city that size wouldn't have an eye doctor who wasn't hiding more effectively from me than Anne Frank did from the Nazis?
Due to having eaten something just before leaving, I had to make a fast trip to the hydrofoil bathroom. It was surprisingly clean. I think it may have been the cleanest bathroom on any public transport I've ever used. While it is true that it didn't have a sink but just a bucket full of water along with a plastic ladle floating in it, it was still pretty decently clean. I was surprised. There was even toilet paper!
After a couple hours I was again in HCMC. I decided not to fuck around but just to get a taxi cab to district 1. It is where all of the tourists live. And, the restaurants they eat at and hopefully don't get sick. I am so tired of (see 'medical for details on what I am tired of)... The cab ride cost nearly as much as the two hour boat ride here. Happy!
Finding a guest house once I entered 'district 1' (where all of the tourists go) was not a problem. A tout found me. He offered a $12 guesthouse so I said I'd look. After discounting the first one (and his commission) I found myself given from one owner to another. They all seem to work together. Eventually, I found one I could live with for a couple nights.
I checked into a $12 per night guest house. I'm really happy they gave me a business card for it because I'm not certain I could find it again. In fact, using the business card, transport people have trouble finding it. The guesthouse is located in a narrow alley with god knows how many other guesthouses. Maybe a dozen, perhaps more. Aside from no refrigerator or balcony, the room is fine. Hot water, air conditioning, wifi that actually works. Yes, the wifi in Vietnam is much better than Cambodia or Laos. Perhaps equal to or a bit better than Thailand. Not sure. Hell, maybe good enough to get a Skype call but it likes to turn itself off and on unexpectedly.
Since I really don't have a great longing to tour the congested and dangerous streets of HCMC/Saigon, I made straight for the eye doctor. The family that owns the place I am staying at collectively knows a bit of English. The mother of the family warned me several times about bag snatching and that I should not keep my passport in the bag. I thanked her (I don't but didn't want to get into a discussion as to where it was kept) and got a bike rickshaw out there.
Momma-San (as I now think of her) kindly wrote down the name of the hospital in Vietnamese. Apparently, they don't have any private eye doctors around. Plus, she told me the hospital would be cheaper. Cha ching, sold.
The price started at 100,000 VND but when I started laughing and preparing to leave it suddenly dropped to a more reasonable 50,000 VND. I could have probably gotten it a little cheaper but honestly, I feel sorry for any small old man who has to pedal my fat ass anywhere.
And people say I have no mercy. HA!
I had thought about getting a scooter (and would have saved a buck on it I discovered later) but I was a bit wary of it. My leg has fully healed from the last time I'd been on a scooter and I wasn't anxious about repeating the performance. I'm fragile. (Stop nodding.)
As we slowly made our way (presumably) to the hospital, I reflected back. I like Phnom Phen better thus far than HCMC. It is less congested and a lot more gritty. Hell, I could have stayed in the States if I wanted to see modern, clean streets glass and steel. Give me a bit fucked up with plenty of character any time. While I may bitch about it (or sound like I am) I enjoy it.
Here is a video of me on the way to the hospital.
Thinking about the doctor, I was making a new plan. Consult and get the fuck out. Get out of the big city and go to somewhere cheaper. A good plan, I thought. Like all of my plans, this one would be shattered really soon as well. Happiness and joy are mine.
THE HOSPITAL
The outer areas of the hospital look as though it was built in the 1950's and haven't been maintained since. You know when they use the cheap glue and stick it over the wall then slap up a movie poster in a hurry? Later someone else tries to take it down. They get a few strips of it then give up in frustration and you've got half the poster left? They did that with medical notices and such. They have the movable poles with the chain going through them. These are used to temporarily close off an area and moved to open it again. Much like the 'velvet rope' concept. This chain was literally covered in rust. I'd never seen that before. Scores of people waited to see a doctor. I got the impression that these were the people too sick to ignore it or ones which had tried home remedies which failed to work. These are the really sick people. In America, often we get people who go to the hospital because they're feeling a bit 'under the weather'. Here that doesn't seem to happen. The outer areas of the hospital were hot, crowded, very dirty and stunk of illness.
I got there a bit after noon. All of the doctors, staff and even admittance people were out to lunch until 13:30. How about that. The only people in evidence were the patients, moving like zombies or sitting listlessly in seats with homemade bandages on. This reminded me of a story about a restaurant in a communist country being closed during lunch time - so the staff could eat.
When you get to the hospital you see lots of signs. Nothing is in English. From the layout of the place it is in no way obvious as to where you should go. There is nothing the location of screams 'start here'. Aside from about four people, nobody seemed to speak much English. This did little to inspire confidence in my first Vietnamese hospital visit.
Hunting down and grilling the staff eventually got me told that lunch would be over at 13:30. This is what we call a 'lie'. Naturally, they were late getting open, but I've come to expect that. After the medical teams had returned to work, we were able to access the 'forbidden hallway' when they pulled aside the bars that had blocked it. The 'forbidden hallway' was a few steps up in cleanliness as were the offices after that. Apparently, more care is put into where the doctors actually work rather than just the waiting room.
One thing I've found in most Asian countries I go to is that I get treated first. Bumped right to the head of the waiting line. I use to stress about this but three things have gotten me away from that into just accepting it:
1) I can't understand the language and usually have no clue as to what is going on. Being singled out and sometimes even walked around is reassuring.
2) If I say 'I'm not next in line' or 'what about them' or protest that it is not my turn, it creates more hassle and I still end up going when they direct. Easier to just do as they say and go with the flow.
3) I've had enough people climb over me in other lines as most of these countries have no clue what 'standing in line' means. I figure it is Karma attempting to balance itself.
I'm not sure whether they bump foreigners to the front of the line for courtesy or if they are wondering what I am writing in my notes and want to get me off of the premises before I devalue the building.
Within the eye doctor's exam room, they did all of the stuff an American (or Cambodian) eye doctor would normally do but combined it with an odd game of musical chairs presumably to keep track of the people. Initially, I was impressed with the speed they went through the patients until it turns out that the doctor had lost my book and had to make me a new one. The book is an elaborate but small paper book they issue you when you pay. It combines a prescription pad, reminder of when you should come again, medical records, etc. They don't hold on to this, the patient does once they are discharged from the facility.
Despite my left eye getting better, the doctor feels it is best to keep me on the really heavy Pred Forte regime. I'm good with that. Sadly though, she wants to see me in a week. She isn't confident that the eye doctors 'in the provinces' will either exist or be competent. Hence, it appears I'm trapped in HCMC. In a week, I get to spend another 200,000 VND ($10) for another visit. I can live with that cost.
She wrote down an additional eye drop I'd need on my book and had someone walk me down to the pharmacy. Since Pred Forte was also on the pad, they sold me another bottle of that as well. I was set to object until I noticed the price was less than half of what I'd paid in Cambodia and thought was a remarkably cheap price. Although I already have two bottles in my kit, I was good with spending another dollar something for another.
I decided to risk a scooter back to the guesthouse as a journey of that length is pretty uncomfortable, either way but faster on the scooter. I managed to get back without dying or getting burned. Huzzah!
So now that I'm stuck in Saigon (for health reasons) for a week, I'm thinking that I might be able to eat at restaurants that won't make me sick. Yes, they'll cost more. Yes, since I am able to eat and perhaps wanting to eat more often my food costs will go up. But I'm pretty sure that just eating one meal a day and (see Medical) isn't really healthy. Believe me when I say I'm not wasting away or anything but I do enjoy good food.
More next time...
VIETNAM SHENANIGANS
I was talking to a group of Australian expats and they were regaling me with stories about monkey business done by Vietnamese construction crews. Like putting up concrete walls without metal supports. Using beach sand laden with salt instead of the slightly more expensive correct sand. From what they told me, when the salt melts out you have much less stable concrete from beach sand. Numerous attempts to steal cable and electricity. Walls falling down onto other people's property due to shitty construction and the attempts by the crew to hide the damage and fallen wall under rubbish piles. This feeds into my opinion that I'd love to get people from SE Asia to decorate stuff for me but I really don't want to get into an elevator they built.
Another expat told me that if there was ever an accident involving a foreigner such as the foreigner being run over by a motorcycle that it is the foreigner who is at fault. It was their own fault they were there instead of in their own country. Interesting.
In Vietnam, you are required to leave your identification (passport) with the hotel so they can supposedly register you with the police. We all remember what happened in Bosnia, yes? Anyway, it is also illegal for foreigners not to have their passport on them at all times. Get around this BS by presenting the hotel/guesthouse with a photocopy of the picture page of your passport along with a photocopy of your Vietnam visa. Have a few of these made in case the hotel/guesthouse loses them. Loses the photocopies instead of your passport.
Here in Vietnam, I've gotten more of the long stares than in any other country I've been to thus far. I really don't mind. I figure that person has absolutely nothing better nor more entertaining to do with their time than stare at the fat foreigner. I actually feel a bit sorry for them. Depending on my mood and what I'm doing (and if I think they'll try to sell me something) I will ignore them, smile at them (until they decide looking elsewhere to be a good idea) or try to strike up a conversation. Normally, the conversation either stalls after 'hello' has been exchanged or they want to inform me they have relatives I've never met living in states I've never been to. Sometimes they want to know things like 'how long have you been here' and 'how long will you be here'. I am wary when answering these questions as I am suspicious by nature and training. Sometimes when you are asked 'how long you been here' it is a way of saying 'how gullible are you'. I normally pad my answer by a couple weeks. Sometimes when they ask 'how long you be here' they are wanting to know for reasons beyond idle curiosity. So I am vague, inexact or lie through my teeth depending on how I feel about it.
LOGAN SHENANIGANS
When you check into a guesthouse in Vietnam, you get the pleasure of filling out a form which asks for 'occupation'. For some reason, I've been putting 'Carnival Freak' in the box. I figure if they ask, I'd tell them I was the 'fat man' at a carnival but I lost too much weight and got fired. I've never had any Vietnamese ask me what the deal is with that but eventually who knows. If the police ever asked me that would be extra humorous. Well, for a little while.
DEEP THOUGHTS
Years ago, I use to ask questions like 'Why don't they have any (insert country name here) restaurants? Surely they must eat there? Why no restaurants?' My friends, I have found the answer. It is twofold.
* The food of (insert country name here) is so close to (insert well known country which does have restaurants name here) as to be indistinguishable to foreign devils. So, you'd have a less known restaurant serving the same food as a different country.
* The food from (insert country name here) sucks ass. Because of this, you will have a visitor once and then never again as they will learn their lesson and tell their friends. A good example for me of his would be a Ukrainian restaurant. I've gotten stuck with those in a couple countries. The reason they are rare (or non-existent) in the USA is that you have all of the countries who make good food in competition with them. The only place they can have a restaurant (in Logan's opinion) is in a country whose food also sucks. That way you can have a choice between two different sucky foods. [Sylvia's cooking was the only good food I ate in the Ukraine - and she is Polish.]
BOOK REVIEW - TWO URBAN FANTASY BOOKS
I'm going to review these together as they seem fairly typical of what I think of the low to medium end in quality of the genre.
Spider's Bite
October Daye novels (the first two)
In Spider's Bite, it talks about an 'assassin'. She is without a doubt the worst assassin I've ever read about. Most assassins which I've heard about (both in fiction and real life) are a 'tool box'. They have different weapons for different purposes and kill pretty much without any feeling at all if they are any good. It is a job to them they have as much emotion about as say a plumber. Plumber's may grumble if the pipes aren't sealing right but they don't get emotional about it. In Spider's Bite, the protagonist is suppose to be a 'dangerous, feared and professional assassin'. This 'assassin' pretty much wants to work out her rage by stabbing the shit out of things with knives. I don't see her so much as a 'professional' as I do someone who would be just as happy having sprinklers of blood showering her as she danced around screaming "I have men (and daddy) issues". Despite the plethora of CSI information available to even the lay person, it is obvious the author hasn't availed herself of it. In addition, if I wanted to have someone who was psychologically addicted to stabbing things (what would Freud make of it?) I'd probably go at least question someone who knows how to fight with a knife. It's amazing how many authors (including both on this review) have people doing things like sticking a sharp knife into their belt. Without a scabbard. Failing to clean the knife after use. My knife fighting training was not all that extensive but even I know that.
With both books, it becomes clear that 'urban fantasy' started as - and with many books continues to be - partially mired in the 'romance' genre. It is amazing just how many times the female protagonists seem to go into heat over every man they meet. I'm not sure why. They sometimes indulge in sex with them but usually not. It appears they go for a lot of 'sexual tension'.
The men are all handsome yet incompetent and weak. If other (actual) men were around they would accuse the men of either being stupid or 'a pussy'. The only strong men are usually either physically or emotionally distant and too involved with something else to try to help out the heroine with whatever project they are working on. I have yet to see a man actually come up with a good idea and implement it. I'm curious if it is only by surrounding the woman with wildly incompetent men that allows her to shine forth as the heroine. Does that mean that if even one competent man was hanging around she couldn't? I've known many competent women over the years and it didn't seem to be the case but perhaps this is the reality within the author's minds.
From the authors bios, a lot of the women (and men for some reason) who write urban fantasy tend to own a lot of cats. That's struck me as a bit suspect. There may be a link.
As to the question, are these books any good - again, they are examples of the middle ranking ones. Say 5/10.
Some other very quick reviews of books I thought sucked. I put these in to save you the pain. If you are thinking 'but what urban fantasy books did you like'? You always tell us about books that sucked! Can you even name one series you liked? Yes. Sandman Slim. There are others but unfortunately the ones I dislike outnumber the ones I like by a good damned margin. Also some of the books I've been listening to are not urban fantasy. For example I have recently listened to (most of) a book on cold war weapons of the CIA. I forgot the title and deleted it when finished but it was interesting to hear because that is the kind of shit we were using when I was in. Now, the game has massively changed and they can print that stuff. So, on with the books that sucked ass!
You Slay Me
This book had some potential. An interesting murder, some interesting characters and a plot that seemed to be going somewhere. After a few chapters, I had to delete it because the bitch (main character) is in heat. Holy shit, every time she got around someone with a penis she was panting and needing it. It was like reading the diary of a nympho. To be fair, it was recorded as a 'romance' but holy shit - you can get more subtle than that.
Laptop of the Gods
If you enjoy a bunch of fist pumping Greek gods (and Roman, whatever) who work for God with a capital G singing lyrics to 1960's songs and shit, this one star out of (pick a number) is for you. I actually listened to nearly a full chapter because I was stunned at just how bad it was. Books like this really give me hope that I can be published. I should probably find out who this guy's agent was. If the agent can sell a piece of shit like that, anything I churn out will probably get sold.
On Stranger Tides and the Anibus Gate
Why the fuck do I keep getting a hold of books by Tim Powers? I clearly don't like his stories. They are a bit dry for me. I suppose that if someone wanted 'historical urban fantasy' this might be the only option. I just find them dull and plodding.
Mistborn
I don't remember specifically but I think I just got bored with it.
The Name of the Wind
I don't remember specifically but I think I just got bored with it.
There you go - some books to avoid if you like the same kind of stuff I do. When I read more books I like, I'll post them up to. Unfortunately, looking for good urban fantasy (or any books I suppose) is a lot like wading through a river of shit looking for diamonds. Stinky, but rewarding. How is that for an analogy? Not all that great. Kind of like pickles on peanut butter. Some people will like it while others will loudly decry, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
MEDICAL (Warning - contains disgusting content. Don't gripe, you've been warned).
Have you ever used a squeeze-able bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup? When you come to the last little bit you are trying desperately to get out of the bottle? When you squeeze it, it makes a thrrrup! sound and bits of chocolate fly out in random directions but hopefully mostly in your glass. Now imagine having some sort of air hose linked up to the bottle that starts at random and forces air through there causing the bottle to semi randomly discharge. God, I can't wait until I get to a country that doesn't cause that feeling in me. Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam have all gotten into the 'eat then camp near a bathroom to see if you will need it' category. Thailand was a treat. Their food was much better and you didn't have to run for a toilet and hope you made it. As part of my 'carry everywhere' gear in my slung black bag I now carry a small supply of 'so you got diarrhea fucking again' pills. I recommend these in a container that won't smash.
To experience some of the fun of this here is a simple thing you can do to experience the thrills and chills of this. Have someone who hates you dress up all in brown with a big bucket of liquid shit. After a random meal, they get to draw a card out of a bag. The cards either say 'safe' or have a random number written on them. If they pull one that says 'safe', nothing happens until your next meal. If they pull one that has a number on it (say between 1-20) they wait that long then tell you 'Run mutherfucker!' They then draw cards until they get another random number and start the stopwatch. Once that time has elapsed, you must be or have been inside a restroom or they get to douse you with the bucket of shit. It's a fun game the whole family can play!
FUTURE PLANS
From Saigon, I'd like to get to somewhere quieter with at least one restaurant I can eat at without (see Medical). Somewhere comfortable, cheap and quiet where I can walk and write my book.
After my Vietnam visa ends, I am really torn as to what to do next. My options (that I've figured out - other clever people might come up with others):
Malaysia - Things cost more than the other countries but allegedly more people actually speak English there. Coincidence? I have heard Singapore is definately expensive and I have no reason to go there (oh look, big metal and glass!) so I'd probably avoid that. But other parts of the country could be interesting. Also, this would provide me with a non-backtracking way into Burma. Which would get me eventually to India and Nepal.
Indonesia - Haven't seen it. Worried about how much the sea voyage would cost, however because I don't want to go through the hassle of flying nor spend the $110 to do so. I'm going to have to go to travel agents to try to research this (which will cost more) because travel by sea hasn't caught up to the internet. Or I just haven't found it.
Island hopping - Easier to answer if my finances were in better shape. I need to do more research to see if places like Papua New Guinea are dead cheap to live or if I'd get there and start screaming in pain. It would put me close to Australia which would cause the Highlander quickening feeling in Pete and he'd start looking around and becoming nervious I was getting to close to his native land. While I know I very much cannot afford Australia, some of the smaller islands and such to the north and west of it may provide living quarters for awhile. I am concerned about being there during the summer however. It may turn me to 'melted Logan'. Which is brown and squishy.
Another option could be Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, Burma, Bangladesh, Nepal, India...?
I figure I've got two or three weeks to research it. I'd say about 90% of my motivation is currently price over 'how cool would it be'. Kind of a sad way to travel right now but it is needed. For example, Burma is very rough and the visa is about double or triple Vietnam. And the tourist industry hasn't really been established. But some people I was talking to were saying living there right now would be dead cheap. I know I'll have to pass through it or boat around it though. For those suggesting the findacrew website, yeah, I checked it out. It should be called 'boatslutwanted' instead. It seems to be guys looking for women to fuck while they sail around.
I wouldn't mind going to somewhere like Poland (I know a lot of folks out there and it seems that even more know me and read this blog) but I don't know if I can make it that far out soon.
Anyway, I've got to still research and ponder the next step. Goals for those wanting to help, dirt cheap and cool during the summer. Yeah, I need fucking wifi to keep sanity. And to write this blog!
FOR JANA
I can't send my notebooks off while I'm in Vietnam. I suspect that if they got hold of them they would burn me at the stake for witchcraft. I will mail them eventually and I suspect you will get a lot of them at once and my backpack will suddenly get a lot lighter. I'm not sure what country to mail them from. Thailand, Laos, Cambodia all had 'sucktastic' mail systems. I'm not sure which country I'll be in next or if it would be better. Malaysia might be a winner if I got there. Note: I checked - as of now it is only two notebooks. By the time I get to a 'good mail' country, who knows.
BTW - how many notebooks are we up to now?
TRAVELER'S TIPS
When the hotel makes a receipt for you, be sure it is dated. If you don't get a dated receipt, you may be forced to pay an additional day whether due to their greed or their incompetence.
I was in a restaurant that had no napkins. Instead, they placed a plastic wrapped wet towelette on the table. I was wary of it. My fears turned out to be founded. Had I used it, I would have been charged an extra 2000 VND. Yes, that is ten cents but on principle, I don't like shit getting put on the table that I didn't order yet will cost me money should I use it. I look at it as unnecessarily sneaky.
COSTS
Taxis seem to be about two to three times as much as motorbikes (scooter). You need to negotiate a motorbike in advance but the taxis have a meter. This meter seems to start off nice and slow but goes up quick after the two dollar mark. I'm not sure why that is. Oddly enough, the bicycle rickshaws cost about the same or sometimes slightly more than the scooters. Generally speaking, I seem to spend about $3-$4 on a taxi, roughly half that on a motorbike. If you don't nail down a price in advance on a motorbike you are a rich fool.
Black and white photocopy, 1000 VND
Monday, December 19, 2011
NO FACEBOOK FOR YOU
For those who have been wondering why I'm not on Facebook as regularly as normal (which is to say 'daily') it is because I found out the Vietnamese government has blocked it. They won't admit to blocking it. They don't let people they have told to block it discuss it. Apparently, they are worried about people saying bad things about them. Which they did anyway after Facebook had been blocked. Apparently, if you are at all net savvy it is not hard to get around. I tried looking up various suggested methods of unblocking it but I just couldn't get them to work. I tried using the hidemyass.com proxy but then Facebook accused me of not allowing cookies and it wouldn't work. I tried going through google translate as one web page suggested - but Google told me it is already in English. I tried going to several different web pages that claimed 'oh just click here and it works'. They were actually advertisement web pages and didn't work at all. I know someone (or perhaps several someones out there) will suggest a remedy. All I have to say is please test it a couple times before you suggest it. There is nothing that is more irritating than someone who wants to give helpful but untested advice that just ends up wasting my time when I can do that on my own. Also, I have the tech savvy of a chimp and no access to the routers of the guest houses I am staying at. The 'how does it work' pages suggested a 'simple' fix that involved me just adjusting those. Not a good solution if you are on a public network you have zero control over.
If I can't find and implement a working solution it is not the end of the world. I'm just working on staying in Vietnam for one month. According to the information that I've read, only Vietnam and China have turned off Facebook and chances of me getting into China are slim.
For anyone that wants to comment things along the line of 'what about freedom of speech' and 'it's not democratic', please remember that Vietnam is a communist country. If they don't like what you say, then you get to become a 'guest of the state'.
If I can't find and implement a working solution it is not the end of the world. I'm just working on staying in Vietnam for one month. According to the information that I've read, only Vietnam and China have turned off Facebook and chances of me getting into China are slim.
For anyone that wants to comment things along the line of 'what about freedom of speech' and 'it's not democratic', please remember that Vietnam is a communist country. If they don't like what you say, then you get to become a 'guest of the state'.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
VIETNAM - FIRST IMPRESSIONS
OFF TO HO CHI MIHN CITY?
I got the bus from Phnom Phen to HCMC ($10, 6-7 hours including the border crossing) today. It was a decent bus in that the seats were pretty comfortable and the AC worked. Unfortunately, it had the speakers that they so love to crank up to a high volume. Unfortunately, these speakers were pretty much shot. I'm kind of surprised that nobody else seemed to mind or notice. When I say 'shot' I mean that distortion was so high I couldn't understand when the guy was speaking in simple English.
They were still cranked up. Not as bad as some of the bus trips I've had in SE Asia though.
So we did the border crossing at Vietnam. In order to try to keep the buses together since people in SE Asia don't really seem to grasp the concept of 'standing in lines', the folks in the bus took everyone's passports and gave them in a bundle to the border guards. The border guards would then call the names of the people after doing something mysterious to your passport. They also got my fingerprints. They had a nifty electronic fingerprint reading pad. I wasn't too alarmed about that as I was forewarned by the internet. I suspect that it's just more of the good ole fashioned paranoia. This was odd because the security at the border struck me as 'lax'. Some guy dressed in workman clothing took through a big tube thing without pausing and talking to any of the guards. It is true that he could have known them and such but when I saw that my first thought was 'I could easily get a nice sniper rifle into that tube'. As with most of the other borders I've been to, it was understaffed, slow and laden with cumbersome procedures.
My initial thoughts when I got to HCMC (formerly Saigon - a much better name) was that it was a rather nifty looking modern city. Big. Much cleaner than PP in Cambodia as well. I really didn't want to sit around another really big city though so I figured I might see what kind of cheap accommodations they have and maybe stay for a day or two. I checked out a place. For $10 I could get a room I would describe as 'grim and depressing'. Or, for just $13, I could ride a hydrofoil (which I'd never done before) to a place (Vung Tau) where the price range of rooms is from $6 to $10 and that has been called 'the cheapest place to stay in Vietnam'. Since my money situation is still what I'd term 'alarming', I said 'screw it' and got the hydrofoil ticket. It was a strange setup with how it worked. Rather than getting the ticket there, two ladies came with. One rode in the taxi with me, the other took her scooter. Her job was to get her cohort back to the office. The taxi ride and such were included in the price of the ticket - I checked before purchasing the ticket. So, we rode out there after I'd paid my money and 'oh look, there is a problem'. I think the price of the ticket had jumped up a little bit and the lady was going to pass along the increased price to me. I gave her the 'it's not my problem' look and tone of voice and said "I have a receipt. I need my boat ticket please." Without any further conversation, she got my boat ticket. Once I boarded the hydrofoil, I believe I have figured out what happened. They didn't have any of the 'in the back' tickets left for the time I had been promised I would leave. Instead, I got to be seated one row back from the big front window. Considering the ticket cost about $12.50 and they paid for the taxi ride over, I think they didn't make any money (or took a small loss) on this one. As I learned in the military, 'proper planning prevents piss poor performance'. Apparently, their procedures need updating.
The ride itself was smooth and fast. You really don't feel going up on the hydrofoils but you know for sure when you go down. It's a big hit and a lot of extra sudden drag. It doesn't knock you out of your seat or anything but you notice it. The seating on this was much better than on the 'long tail boat'. They didn't take my bag so I wedged it between my feet and the seat in front of me. I didn't mind - it was only an extra hour and a half and I'd rather have my bag to keep track of it than risk it getting lost or stolen. I sat near a nice old lady who gave me something to eat. I have no idea what it was but it had 3-4 big seeds in it, sugar on the outside yet was spicy. A very strange but not unpleasant taste. I don't know if I've had anything that combined sweet and spicy before.
So, we got dropped off at the boat docks. I ignored all of the high pressure taxi cabs and motorbikes out of habit and decided to walk. I went the wrong way. Twice. After a couple hours hauling around the big pack I decided to get a guy to peddle me around on the rickshaw. He asked for a dollar. I thought, hey sure. Peddle my fat ass and my 20KG pack around for a dollar? Why not. Because he didn't speak English worth a shit is why not. I told him 'cheap cheap guest house'. After he'd taken me to not one but two five star hotels, I gave up on him. I paid him. Gave him an extra dollar even. This turned out to be a mistake because he then figured I was loaded, we were friends and maybe he could start selling me extra useless shit. I managed to ditch him eventually. I went and asked locals for directions. I'm not sure what the deal is with natives of SE Asia but none of the ones I've talked to seem to have the slightest idea how to read a map, know about compass directions or can give directions unless they can point to it. The 5-8 guys I asked sent me on a wild goose chase that eventually brought me to a large Russian secure dwelling apartment complex. I couldn't remember the word in Russian for guest house but through my very limited Russian and a lot of sign language I did manage to communicate with the young lady what I wanted. Unfortunately, it seems that she's lived here too long and continued my wild goose chase. Sad.
In the other countries of SE Asia I've been to, the word 'guesthouse' is pretty common. Even if someone doesn't speak English they know that word. It doesn't seem to be the case here. They don't get it.
I haven't eaten much today but I figure I will make up for it eventually as is my nature. I had two pieces of chicken, three small 'I hope these don't make me shit my pants' rolls and a waffle I bought off a guy with a stall hooked to a motorcycle. That's it. I'm looking forward to getting a decent meal tomorrow.
Eventually, I found a guesthouse/hotel (not sure which) that is pretty nice. If it was labeled as a hotel it was only in Vietnamese. I managed to ask someone who could literally point to it. That's the only reason I could find it. The rooms here are $9 (groovy) but the location is absolutely shit. There is nothing around. I'm not sure why anyone would stay here really. Unless they had their own transport that is. It seems I'm about 3KM (yeah, I wandered a lot further with the pack on and I'm absolutely wrecked) away from anything interesting. There are two ambient noise producers. There is some sort of loud music playing club which I hope will eventually stop. The other is some sort of yappy dog on the other side. I'm pretty sure that if I was to slowly and painfully strangle it to death, I'd guarantee myself a place in heaven. Getting into Heaven with the capital H would require the same treatment to the owners of said pooch.
Having said that though, the room I'm in has all of the things I like in a hotel. Good wifi, hot showers, private bathroom, a balcony to smoke off, decent bedding. If I can't find better in the 'front beach' or 'back beach' area, I will probably come back here. If I can find a restaurant within walking distance.
I'm not sure if the food here will make me as sick as the food in Cambodia did. It seemed like every 2-3 days I was sick (with all the shit that entails) from their food there. I really hope Vietnam is better. I would say that Lao and Cambodia are pretty similar in food. Thailand is on the top both in terms of taste and least amount of sickness.
So, anyway, I am currently in the town of Vung Tau.
TRAVELER'S TIPS
When confronted with a language they don't know, some people want to be helpful and use the 'phone a friend' option. You can let them if you wish but you should know in advance that you are just wasting both your time and theirs. In my experience, I've never had them call anyone who actually speaks English well. Even if someone spoke poor English if they are face to face you can get a lot more communication done than you ever will over the phone. The people I've usually had called seem to speak English at the same level or worse than the person telephoning them. They then try to pool their collective ignorance and come up with...nothing useful. My advice when they want to phone a friend? Thank them and walk away. Find someone else to have a face to face with.
Verify whether your coffee will be served hot or cold. If you don't the waitress will show their instinctive ability to choose the right one. I've had Baileys and coffee before. I've had Irish coffee before. They are always served hot. Make the coffee, pour in a shot of alcohol and it's done. In many places they want to serve it cold. With ice in it. The ice is not made from bottled water. Unless you are acclimatized to the tap water (or once filtered water which is still a few steps below 'bottled') drinking this may cause you to spend the next few days with your new friend Mr. Toilet.
I know I've said it before but recent experiences make me want to stress it again. If you think about getting into any sort of taxi, rickshaw, etc., ask the guy a question that the answer is not a yes/no. My favorite is 'what color is the sky?' This will show you their true level of English. If you are dumb enough to ask them 'do you know of a hotel' or 'do you speak English', you deserve what happens to you. Taxi drivers usually only know a few key words and won't take you to where you want to go unless you like five star hotels that charge you more in order to pay the taxi driver their 'tout fee'.
TRANSPORT MODES
Got a new edition to my list (last one) by chance so I thought I'd publish the updated list. Since I don't accumulate these too rapidly, I don't think the list will become a frequent thing - just when I find something new I can travel on.
Marshrutka
Ocean freight carrier
Motorcycle
Scooter
Bus
Minibus
Jeep
Truck
Jet
Dolmush
Baht bus
Tuk-Tuk
Hydrofoil
I got the bus from Phnom Phen to HCMC ($10, 6-7 hours including the border crossing) today. It was a decent bus in that the seats were pretty comfortable and the AC worked. Unfortunately, it had the speakers that they so love to crank up to a high volume. Unfortunately, these speakers were pretty much shot. I'm kind of surprised that nobody else seemed to mind or notice. When I say 'shot' I mean that distortion was so high I couldn't understand when the guy was speaking in simple English.
They were still cranked up. Not as bad as some of the bus trips I've had in SE Asia though.
So we did the border crossing at Vietnam. In order to try to keep the buses together since people in SE Asia don't really seem to grasp the concept of 'standing in lines', the folks in the bus took everyone's passports and gave them in a bundle to the border guards. The border guards would then call the names of the people after doing something mysterious to your passport. They also got my fingerprints. They had a nifty electronic fingerprint reading pad. I wasn't too alarmed about that as I was forewarned by the internet. I suspect that it's just more of the good ole fashioned paranoia. This was odd because the security at the border struck me as 'lax'. Some guy dressed in workman clothing took through a big tube thing without pausing and talking to any of the guards. It is true that he could have known them and such but when I saw that my first thought was 'I could easily get a nice sniper rifle into that tube'. As with most of the other borders I've been to, it was understaffed, slow and laden with cumbersome procedures.
My initial thoughts when I got to HCMC (formerly Saigon - a much better name) was that it was a rather nifty looking modern city. Big. Much cleaner than PP in Cambodia as well. I really didn't want to sit around another really big city though so I figured I might see what kind of cheap accommodations they have and maybe stay for a day or two. I checked out a place. For $10 I could get a room I would describe as 'grim and depressing'. Or, for just $13, I could ride a hydrofoil (which I'd never done before) to a place (Vung Tau) where the price range of rooms is from $6 to $10 and that has been called 'the cheapest place to stay in Vietnam'. Since my money situation is still what I'd term 'alarming', I said 'screw it' and got the hydrofoil ticket. It was a strange setup with how it worked. Rather than getting the ticket there, two ladies came with. One rode in the taxi with me, the other took her scooter. Her job was to get her cohort back to the office. The taxi ride and such were included in the price of the ticket - I checked before purchasing the ticket. So, we rode out there after I'd paid my money and 'oh look, there is a problem'. I think the price of the ticket had jumped up a little bit and the lady was going to pass along the increased price to me. I gave her the 'it's not my problem' look and tone of voice and said "I have a receipt. I need my boat ticket please." Without any further conversation, she got my boat ticket. Once I boarded the hydrofoil, I believe I have figured out what happened. They didn't have any of the 'in the back' tickets left for the time I had been promised I would leave. Instead, I got to be seated one row back from the big front window. Considering the ticket cost about $12.50 and they paid for the taxi ride over, I think they didn't make any money (or took a small loss) on this one. As I learned in the military, 'proper planning prevents piss poor performance'. Apparently, their procedures need updating.
The ride itself was smooth and fast. You really don't feel going up on the hydrofoils but you know for sure when you go down. It's a big hit and a lot of extra sudden drag. It doesn't knock you out of your seat or anything but you notice it. The seating on this was much better than on the 'long tail boat'. They didn't take my bag so I wedged it between my feet and the seat in front of me. I didn't mind - it was only an extra hour and a half and I'd rather have my bag to keep track of it than risk it getting lost or stolen. I sat near a nice old lady who gave me something to eat. I have no idea what it was but it had 3-4 big seeds in it, sugar on the outside yet was spicy. A very strange but not unpleasant taste. I don't know if I've had anything that combined sweet and spicy before.
So, we got dropped off at the boat docks. I ignored all of the high pressure taxi cabs and motorbikes out of habit and decided to walk. I went the wrong way. Twice. After a couple hours hauling around the big pack I decided to get a guy to peddle me around on the rickshaw. He asked for a dollar. I thought, hey sure. Peddle my fat ass and my 20KG pack around for a dollar? Why not. Because he didn't speak English worth a shit is why not. I told him 'cheap cheap guest house'. After he'd taken me to not one but two five star hotels, I gave up on him. I paid him. Gave him an extra dollar even. This turned out to be a mistake because he then figured I was loaded, we were friends and maybe he could start selling me extra useless shit. I managed to ditch him eventually. I went and asked locals for directions. I'm not sure what the deal is with natives of SE Asia but none of the ones I've talked to seem to have the slightest idea how to read a map, know about compass directions or can give directions unless they can point to it. The 5-8 guys I asked sent me on a wild goose chase that eventually brought me to a large Russian secure dwelling apartment complex. I couldn't remember the word in Russian for guest house but through my very limited Russian and a lot of sign language I did manage to communicate with the young lady what I wanted. Unfortunately, it seems that she's lived here too long and continued my wild goose chase. Sad.
In the other countries of SE Asia I've been to, the word 'guesthouse' is pretty common. Even if someone doesn't speak English they know that word. It doesn't seem to be the case here. They don't get it.
I haven't eaten much today but I figure I will make up for it eventually as is my nature. I had two pieces of chicken, three small 'I hope these don't make me shit my pants' rolls and a waffle I bought off a guy with a stall hooked to a motorcycle. That's it. I'm looking forward to getting a decent meal tomorrow.
Eventually, I found a guesthouse/hotel (not sure which) that is pretty nice. If it was labeled as a hotel it was only in Vietnamese. I managed to ask someone who could literally point to it. That's the only reason I could find it. The rooms here are $9 (groovy) but the location is absolutely shit. There is nothing around. I'm not sure why anyone would stay here really. Unless they had their own transport that is. It seems I'm about 3KM (yeah, I wandered a lot further with the pack on and I'm absolutely wrecked) away from anything interesting. There are two ambient noise producers. There is some sort of loud music playing club which I hope will eventually stop. The other is some sort of yappy dog on the other side. I'm pretty sure that if I was to slowly and painfully strangle it to death, I'd guarantee myself a place in heaven. Getting into Heaven with the capital H would require the same treatment to the owners of said pooch.
Having said that though, the room I'm in has all of the things I like in a hotel. Good wifi, hot showers, private bathroom, a balcony to smoke off, decent bedding. If I can't find better in the 'front beach' or 'back beach' area, I will probably come back here. If I can find a restaurant within walking distance.
I'm not sure if the food here will make me as sick as the food in Cambodia did. It seemed like every 2-3 days I was sick (with all the shit that entails) from their food there. I really hope Vietnam is better. I would say that Lao and Cambodia are pretty similar in food. Thailand is on the top both in terms of taste and least amount of sickness.
So, anyway, I am currently in the town of Vung Tau.
TRAVELER'S TIPS
When confronted with a language they don't know, some people want to be helpful and use the 'phone a friend' option. You can let them if you wish but you should know in advance that you are just wasting both your time and theirs. In my experience, I've never had them call anyone who actually speaks English well. Even if someone spoke poor English if they are face to face you can get a lot more communication done than you ever will over the phone. The people I've usually had called seem to speak English at the same level or worse than the person telephoning them. They then try to pool their collective ignorance and come up with...nothing useful. My advice when they want to phone a friend? Thank them and walk away. Find someone else to have a face to face with.
Verify whether your coffee will be served hot or cold. If you don't the waitress will show their instinctive ability to choose the right one. I've had Baileys and coffee before. I've had Irish coffee before. They are always served hot. Make the coffee, pour in a shot of alcohol and it's done. In many places they want to serve it cold. With ice in it. The ice is not made from bottled water. Unless you are acclimatized to the tap water (or once filtered water which is still a few steps below 'bottled') drinking this may cause you to spend the next few days with your new friend Mr. Toilet.
I know I've said it before but recent experiences make me want to stress it again. If you think about getting into any sort of taxi, rickshaw, etc., ask the guy a question that the answer is not a yes/no. My favorite is 'what color is the sky?' This will show you their true level of English. If you are dumb enough to ask them 'do you know of a hotel' or 'do you speak English', you deserve what happens to you. Taxi drivers usually only know a few key words and won't take you to where you want to go unless you like five star hotels that charge you more in order to pay the taxi driver their 'tout fee'.
TRANSPORT MODES
Got a new edition to my list (last one) by chance so I thought I'd publish the updated list. Since I don't accumulate these too rapidly, I don't think the list will become a frequent thing - just when I find something new I can travel on.
Marshrutka
Ocean freight carrier
Motorcycle
Scooter
Bus
Minibus
Jeep
Truck
Jet
Dolmush
Baht bus
Tuk-Tuk
Hydrofoil
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
PHNOM PHEN RANTINGS
NIGHTTIME COMEDY
So I am sitting around typing on my computer and I hear an insistent pounding. I'm not sure where it is coming from - or if they are doing construction somewhere but eventually I decide to go take a look.
I figured out that a Cambodian guy who didn't speak much English had locked himself in his bathroom.
I understand that the locks on doors like these are sometimes shitty and may malfunction, but what I couldn't understand is why someone who is the only person in the room should feel the need to lock the bathroom door.
So I summoned the staff and sat around making jokes to a nice girl from Switzerland who lived across the hall from this unfortunate guy while the staff tried to figure out what to do. Eventually, I convinced them that to enter the man's room, they needed the key. The ring of keys the maids use was eventually fetched. The door was unlocked but only able to be opened to the extent of the 'dead bolt' type thing would allow it to go.
Although the trapped man was reassured in both English and his native language of Cambodian that people (a group of six, actually) were working diligently on freeing him from his predicament, he continued pounding on the bathroom door and yelling for help literally the entire time. I am not exaggerating.
Tools were brought to force the locking mechanism of the outer door - including a hatchet. I've never really considered a hatchet as a normal tool for a hotel or guesthouse to have but who knows. Fortunately, a monkey wrench was instead selected and the eventually bashed the lock into submission. From there, getting in and prying the door of the bathroom open was quick work.
The man was grateful to me for summoning help and I smiled and nodded. And went straight to blogging about it.
PONDERING WHAT TO DO
Due to my unemployability in some jobs, I've decided to do the 'lie low' option Adam suggested of travel. Essentially, find a place and just sit there. This is good that I've finally come to a decision on it though I shall follow another of Adam's pieces of advice and keep an eye open for opportunities.
Right now I am in the capital (Phnom Phen) of Cambodia. I've got mixed feelings about it. I'm spending approximately 3/4 of my income per day to keep afloat. It's not great - medicine and such will probably suck up the remainder. Breaking even is much better than continuing my downward money trend, however. But I'm going to need to boost my money so that I can resume travel. I'd still like to see Angkor Wat while I'm in the area but I estimate that will take $100+ with travel and park fees. But it is the big 'bucket list' thing in Cambodia to do.
After talking to a couple of Cambodian guys (see Adam? I do talk to locals - I just normally don't write much about it) I got convinced to check out Vietnam. Frankly, they said Ho Chi Mihn City was cheaper even than here. Sold. Plus, it's a new country. So I'm going to check it out. From there, either Indonesia, back here or who knows where.
VIETNAM EMBASSY
It was a pretty good haul (3-5 KM - they aren't great at maps here and my internet is way too slow to use the internet maps) to the Vietnam embassy. I treated myself to a tuk tuk ride to get there ($3) because it was eight AM before I was ready to go and that is the time the embassy opened. [Note, Cambodia has no public bus systems. Or 'baht buses'. I have no idea why.] I wasn't sure if there would be huge lines and such. There weren't but what the heck. It was about a half hour drive or longer. It turned out they would have the passport ready by 16:30 hrs so I was kind of stuck in and around the area. It made no sense to hike back, touch the building and return. The only thing that bummed me out is that I had to leave my stuff alone for so long. After getting robbed a couple times, I must confess that I've cultivated a bit of a 'guard my shit' mentality and don't like leaving it alone for a long time. Especially not in the place I'm currently staying which has practically no security - though I keep everything locked up as best I can. There are no safes either - but I've learned that even those are not always secure.
Unlike the American embassies I'd visited, entering the Vietnamese embassy is amazingly simple. You can walk straight in from the street. Although the people are working behind the glass (not bullet proof) they are actually Vietnamese - not locals. In American embassies I've been to, you remain uncertain if there actually are any Americans around. They are hidden behind layers of locals - even if you try to talk to them on the phone. Just entering an American embassy you have to go past a lot of fortifications and baggage checks. Apparently, people aren't queuing up to toss bombs into the Vietnamese embassies.
Counting all of the countries I've been through on this trip, ?Vietnam will be my twentieth country visited. I'm uncertain as to how many countries I've been in total and many of the ones I'd count no longer exist.
I'd like to apologize to the readers that I don't have more money to go do interesting shit, write about it and take pictures of things other than piles of trash - but I can only photograph what I can see. I'm in the cheap seats for now but pretty happy with it. Better than being broke back in the ole USA.
When I get to Vietnam, I will have to question the locals to see if their postal system is any better than Thailand's 'oh they seem to have never delivered my package' one. If it is any good, I'll have to send some notebooks to Jana for her Ebay collection.
TOURIST TYPES IN ASIA
I've noticed four distinct categories of tourist that are here in Asia. I appologize if I've brought this up before but condensing it down will be the work of the underpaid and much loved editor.
Dirty hippies: Enough tattoos to make a Yakuza member raise his eyebrows. Enough piercings to make metal detectors short circuit. Dreadlocks that would not look out of place in a reggae band. Outlandish clothing that looks like it may have been saved from the late sixties or early seventies. They have taken non-conformity to such a level that when you see them you know exactly what group they fit into. Irony is pretty ironic.
Fresh faced college students: These are the ones who are either rich enough or motivated enough to go to Asia. The merchants and the especially despicable touting tuk tuk drivers look at them with the same lustful eye as a college senior casts over newly arriving freshmen girls at college. These are the ones who pack Lonely Planet guide books and carefully tick each thing off of the list. Many seem to be in too much of a hurry to do anything except get to the next tourist trap, take a couple mandatory pictures and move quickly to the next. Most are on a limited amount of time (though I suspect parents may be funding many of them) and they know they're going to do the married/family/career/die in debt thing so they've got to get what they can while they can.
Older single men traveling alone. One in six to ten is a woman. These are the people who are either retired or doing well enough they can treat themselves to a bit of a vacation. They seem to wander around, relax and soak in the atmosphere a bit. Minimum age, 40's. In Thailand they are there for a bit of the naughty (I haven't found too many that aren't), mostly absent from Lao and very few by comparison in Cambodia.
White guy, Asian lady. These are married couples, with or without children. What they're up to I have no clue. I think they are either living here, passing through or just on vacation. I have met only one white lady traveling with her Asian boyfriend. She was very nice. He seemed nice but there was quite a language barrier. So the exemption makes the rule!
Over 80% of the tourists I've observed seem (note seem - I don't go around interviewing every tourist I've seen) to fit into one of these four categories. As I may have mentioned in earlier writing, none of the camaraderie between tourists I've seen in Europe seems to be here. Instead it is almost the 'what are you doing here? You are ruining my "I'm the white explorer" experience!' They don't go to places that there is no white people because well, there isn't any tourist stuff to see there.
DOCUMENT DESTRUCTION
My unused Paypal credit card expired awhile back. I shredded it and put the pieces into the open sewer that is in Phnom Pehn. A piece here, a piece there. It will be like a fruitless treasure hunt for someone who is really motivated.
PNP GAMER MEMORYS
Warning! If you are not into PNP roleplaying games, you can choose to skip this section. If you like hearing 'old gamer stories', read on. If you want to submit one that is written up fully and not in 'd00dz speak' with a minimum of typos and bad spelling - something I can just cut and paste, I'll put it in here. If you don't want to take the time to clean it up, stick it in the comments section.
MAFIA MEMORIES by Justin Doyle
So there we were. Two 1920's mobsters who had just been made. Loaded with cash, we decide to buy a mansion in New York, when our (clearly Italian) family decides to throw a dinner party in our house. My uncle, the Don, shows up, and asks me if he can use our telephone. It suddenly dawns on Matthew Lunn and I that we don't have a telephone.
I tell the Don that someone is using it right now, can I get him a drink? He says of course. I run off and tell Matt to make the Don a drink and take his time. I then run outside, run to the neighbor's house (who is, of course, a telephone repair man). I shove a wad of hundreds into his palm and tell him to grab the longest cable he's got while I rip the telephone off his wall and sprint back to outside of our mansion.
During this, Matt has made the Don his drink and has him sitting in the study. Matt's got the window blocked while he makes small talk with the Don, just trying to buy time. It's not working too well.
The neighbor and get the phone to the study window... but the cable is too short! I can't actually get the phone through the window! The Don is getting pretty upset, why is he getting the run-around from his made man?
I hoist the phone up to the window (with the cable stretched taut all the way to the neighbor's house). I hear the Don, very icily, ask Matt where the fucking phone is. I tap the window. Matt asks the Don what he thinks of some artwork on the wall, and opens the window. By the time the Don turns around, Matt is standing there, phone receiver in hand, and asks the Don what number he'd like to call.
DUNWICH BLUES by Matthew Lunn
Same characters/campaign Justin mentioned.
We are in Dunwich, run down town, half the properties are empty. We are exploring the areas around town.
We go to bear hill, get a spot check, Justin misses it, I get it. Right behind Justin's character a massive bear comes out of a bush. I slowly start saying "Sal, whatever you do..." Too late, the bear jumps Justin and tears him a new A hole.
I run back to town, grab the Doc and two guys for the stretcher. They are running Justin back to town, first guy trips on a log and they all go down.
We finally get to the Doc's house, Justin near death. Doc does a wonder of a fix up and Justin is back up and fighting. Right, where to now? Panther gorge? Ok
Spot check, Justin misses, I get it. "Sal, whatever you do..."
I think you get the picture :)
We got our revenge on Logan however when at the end of the Mod we brought half the town up and put in plans to start building a casino. ;)
LOGAN HEALTH
Skip this if you don't want to hear about Logan's medical stuff. God knows I don't want to but I do have people asking me about this stuff so I just find it easier to put it in the blog rather than write it out for interested parties.
Well, my iritis acted up again. This time in the other eye. I tried self medicating but it got worse, not better. I decided it was time to go to the eye doctor. Amazingly, it only cost $10. It appears to be an honest one, not one with a special 'oh, you're a foreigner' price. Good deal. And he spoke English! And he instantly knew what iritis was - unlike some eye doctors I've been to in other parts of the world. Hurray! It turns out that I was self medicating with the correct stuff but just not using enough for as severe of flare up as it was. He doubled the dosage I'd been giving to myself (pred forte) and gave me a special 'now you look stoned because look how big one pupil is, go stare close at people and freak them out and have fun with it for a couple hours' eye drop and sent me on my way. I go back in 3-4 more days. Hopefully it should clear up. Fortunately, it was caught way early enough so that I don't enter the 'lying on the floor wishing for death' phase of pain. It is the kind of pain that once you've had it you immediately know if it's acting up.
I'm confident it is being treated well and so there need be no concern over this. I am actually much more worried about getting hit by an idiot in some sort of motorized vehicle driving like they are a monkey on crack than being incapacitated by this.
In other health news, my right leg is finally totally healed of bloodying up the toe by jamming it in Egypt, burning the calf on a muffler in Thailand and scraping the shin on a boat in Cambodia. I wait to see what new stuff happens to it.
FACEBOOK TRIVIA QUESTION
On Facebook, I asked the question, "In Logan's next blog he compares drivers of a SE Asia nation to "monkeys on crack". Can you guess which nation?"
This is of course a trick question. The correct answer is "all of them".
MISCELLANEOUS
The rules thus far from NCIS. Good stuff.
In order to help pass the time and who knows maybe give me some pleasure and money (it could happen) I have begun working on a book. If people want to comment on it, send me an e-mail (logan9a@yahoo.com) or Facebook private message and ask for it. I will send the outline and first couple pages. I will bug you until my fingers are sore for feedback. The genre is urban fantasy. It is a work of fiction. Some of you will say the work of fiction sentence is unnecessary when I say 'urban fantasy', others will not. I put in the last sentence for both crowds to be happy. I am not Harry Potter and don't own a wand. If it went the route my sunglasses did, it would be broken anyway.
PRICES
1.5 liter bottle of Fanta, $1.25
1.5 liter bottle of diet Pepsi or Coke, $2.50. Guess which Logan is drinking? Sad.
Cross town tuk tuk, $3
So I am sitting around typing on my computer and I hear an insistent pounding. I'm not sure where it is coming from - or if they are doing construction somewhere but eventually I decide to go take a look.
I figured out that a Cambodian guy who didn't speak much English had locked himself in his bathroom.
I understand that the locks on doors like these are sometimes shitty and may malfunction, but what I couldn't understand is why someone who is the only person in the room should feel the need to lock the bathroom door.
So I summoned the staff and sat around making jokes to a nice girl from Switzerland who lived across the hall from this unfortunate guy while the staff tried to figure out what to do. Eventually, I convinced them that to enter the man's room, they needed the key. The ring of keys the maids use was eventually fetched. The door was unlocked but only able to be opened to the extent of the 'dead bolt' type thing would allow it to go.
Although the trapped man was reassured in both English and his native language of Cambodian that people (a group of six, actually) were working diligently on freeing him from his predicament, he continued pounding on the bathroom door and yelling for help literally the entire time. I am not exaggerating.
Tools were brought to force the locking mechanism of the outer door - including a hatchet. I've never really considered a hatchet as a normal tool for a hotel or guesthouse to have but who knows. Fortunately, a monkey wrench was instead selected and the eventually bashed the lock into submission. From there, getting in and prying the door of the bathroom open was quick work.
The man was grateful to me for summoning help and I smiled and nodded. And went straight to blogging about it.
PONDERING WHAT TO DO
Due to my unemployability in some jobs, I've decided to do the 'lie low' option Adam suggested of travel. Essentially, find a place and just sit there. This is good that I've finally come to a decision on it though I shall follow another of Adam's pieces of advice and keep an eye open for opportunities.
Right now I am in the capital (Phnom Phen) of Cambodia. I've got mixed feelings about it. I'm spending approximately 3/4 of my income per day to keep afloat. It's not great - medicine and such will probably suck up the remainder. Breaking even is much better than continuing my downward money trend, however. But I'm going to need to boost my money so that I can resume travel. I'd still like to see Angkor Wat while I'm in the area but I estimate that will take $100+ with travel and park fees. But it is the big 'bucket list' thing in Cambodia to do.
After talking to a couple of Cambodian guys (see Adam? I do talk to locals - I just normally don't write much about it) I got convinced to check out Vietnam. Frankly, they said Ho Chi Mihn City was cheaper even than here. Sold. Plus, it's a new country. So I'm going to check it out. From there, either Indonesia, back here or who knows where.
VIETNAM EMBASSY
It was a pretty good haul (3-5 KM - they aren't great at maps here and my internet is way too slow to use the internet maps) to the Vietnam embassy. I treated myself to a tuk tuk ride to get there ($3) because it was eight AM before I was ready to go and that is the time the embassy opened. [Note, Cambodia has no public bus systems. Or 'baht buses'. I have no idea why.] I wasn't sure if there would be huge lines and such. There weren't but what the heck. It was about a half hour drive or longer. It turned out they would have the passport ready by 16:30 hrs so I was kind of stuck in and around the area. It made no sense to hike back, touch the building and return. The only thing that bummed me out is that I had to leave my stuff alone for so long. After getting robbed a couple times, I must confess that I've cultivated a bit of a 'guard my shit' mentality and don't like leaving it alone for a long time. Especially not in the place I'm currently staying which has practically no security - though I keep everything locked up as best I can. There are no safes either - but I've learned that even those are not always secure.
Unlike the American embassies I'd visited, entering the Vietnamese embassy is amazingly simple. You can walk straight in from the street. Although the people are working behind the glass (not bullet proof) they are actually Vietnamese - not locals. In American embassies I've been to, you remain uncertain if there actually are any Americans around. They are hidden behind layers of locals - even if you try to talk to them on the phone. Just entering an American embassy you have to go past a lot of fortifications and baggage checks. Apparently, people aren't queuing up to toss bombs into the Vietnamese embassies.
Counting all of the countries I've been through on this trip, ?Vietnam will be my twentieth country visited. I'm uncertain as to how many countries I've been in total and many of the ones I'd count no longer exist.
I'd like to apologize to the readers that I don't have more money to go do interesting shit, write about it and take pictures of things other than piles of trash - but I can only photograph what I can see. I'm in the cheap seats for now but pretty happy with it. Better than being broke back in the ole USA.
When I get to Vietnam, I will have to question the locals to see if their postal system is any better than Thailand's 'oh they seem to have never delivered my package' one. If it is any good, I'll have to send some notebooks to Jana for her Ebay collection.
TOURIST TYPES IN ASIA
I've noticed four distinct categories of tourist that are here in Asia. I appologize if I've brought this up before but condensing it down will be the work of the underpaid and much loved editor.
Dirty hippies: Enough tattoos to make a Yakuza member raise his eyebrows. Enough piercings to make metal detectors short circuit. Dreadlocks that would not look out of place in a reggae band. Outlandish clothing that looks like it may have been saved from the late sixties or early seventies. They have taken non-conformity to such a level that when you see them you know exactly what group they fit into. Irony is pretty ironic.
Fresh faced college students: These are the ones who are either rich enough or motivated enough to go to Asia. The merchants and the especially despicable touting tuk tuk drivers look at them with the same lustful eye as a college senior casts over newly arriving freshmen girls at college. These are the ones who pack Lonely Planet guide books and carefully tick each thing off of the list. Many seem to be in too much of a hurry to do anything except get to the next tourist trap, take a couple mandatory pictures and move quickly to the next. Most are on a limited amount of time (though I suspect parents may be funding many of them) and they know they're going to do the married/family/career/die in debt thing so they've got to get what they can while they can.
Older single men traveling alone. One in six to ten is a woman. These are the people who are either retired or doing well enough they can treat themselves to a bit of a vacation. They seem to wander around, relax and soak in the atmosphere a bit. Minimum age, 40's. In Thailand they are there for a bit of the naughty (I haven't found too many that aren't), mostly absent from Lao and very few by comparison in Cambodia.
White guy, Asian lady. These are married couples, with or without children. What they're up to I have no clue. I think they are either living here, passing through or just on vacation. I have met only one white lady traveling with her Asian boyfriend. She was very nice. He seemed nice but there was quite a language barrier. So the exemption makes the rule!
Over 80% of the tourists I've observed seem (note seem - I don't go around interviewing every tourist I've seen) to fit into one of these four categories. As I may have mentioned in earlier writing, none of the camaraderie between tourists I've seen in Europe seems to be here. Instead it is almost the 'what are you doing here? You are ruining my "I'm the white explorer" experience!' They don't go to places that there is no white people because well, there isn't any tourist stuff to see there.
DOCUMENT DESTRUCTION
My unused Paypal credit card expired awhile back. I shredded it and put the pieces into the open sewer that is in Phnom Pehn. A piece here, a piece there. It will be like a fruitless treasure hunt for someone who is really motivated.
PNP GAMER MEMORYS
Warning! If you are not into PNP roleplaying games, you can choose to skip this section. If you like hearing 'old gamer stories', read on. If you want to submit one that is written up fully and not in 'd00dz speak' with a minimum of typos and bad spelling - something I can just cut and paste, I'll put it in here. If you don't want to take the time to clean it up, stick it in the comments section.
MAFIA MEMORIES by Justin Doyle
So there we were. Two 1920's mobsters who had just been made. Loaded with cash, we decide to buy a mansion in New York, when our (clearly Italian) family decides to throw a dinner party in our house. My uncle, the Don, shows up, and asks me if he can use our telephone. It suddenly dawns on Matthew Lunn and I that we don't have a telephone.
I tell the Don that someone is using it right now, can I get him a drink? He says of course. I run off and tell Matt to make the Don a drink and take his time. I then run outside, run to the neighbor's house (who is, of course, a telephone repair man). I shove a wad of hundreds into his palm and tell him to grab the longest cable he's got while I rip the telephone off his wall and sprint back to outside of our mansion.
During this, Matt has made the Don his drink and has him sitting in the study. Matt's got the window blocked while he makes small talk with the Don, just trying to buy time. It's not working too well.
The neighbor and get the phone to the study window... but the cable is too short! I can't actually get the phone through the window! The Don is getting pretty upset, why is he getting the run-around from his made man?
I hoist the phone up to the window (with the cable stretched taut all the way to the neighbor's house). I hear the Don, very icily, ask Matt where the fucking phone is. I tap the window. Matt asks the Don what he thinks of some artwork on the wall, and opens the window. By the time the Don turns around, Matt is standing there, phone receiver in hand, and asks the Don what number he'd like to call.
DUNWICH BLUES by Matthew Lunn
Same characters/campaign Justin mentioned.
We are in Dunwich, run down town, half the properties are empty. We are exploring the areas around town.
We go to bear hill, get a spot check, Justin misses it, I get it. Right behind Justin's character a massive bear comes out of a bush. I slowly start saying "Sal, whatever you do..." Too late, the bear jumps Justin and tears him a new A hole.
I run back to town, grab the Doc and two guys for the stretcher. They are running Justin back to town, first guy trips on a log and they all go down.
We finally get to the Doc's house, Justin near death. Doc does a wonder of a fix up and Justin is back up and fighting. Right, where to now? Panther gorge? Ok
Spot check, Justin misses, I get it. "Sal, whatever you do..."
I think you get the picture :)
We got our revenge on Logan however when at the end of the Mod we brought half the town up and put in plans to start building a casino. ;)
LOGAN HEALTH
Skip this if you don't want to hear about Logan's medical stuff. God knows I don't want to but I do have people asking me about this stuff so I just find it easier to put it in the blog rather than write it out for interested parties.
Well, my iritis acted up again. This time in the other eye. I tried self medicating but it got worse, not better. I decided it was time to go to the eye doctor. Amazingly, it only cost $10. It appears to be an honest one, not one with a special 'oh, you're a foreigner' price. Good deal. And he spoke English! And he instantly knew what iritis was - unlike some eye doctors I've been to in other parts of the world. Hurray! It turns out that I was self medicating with the correct stuff but just not using enough for as severe of flare up as it was. He doubled the dosage I'd been giving to myself (pred forte) and gave me a special 'now you look stoned because look how big one pupil is, go stare close at people and freak them out and have fun with it for a couple hours' eye drop and sent me on my way. I go back in 3-4 more days. Hopefully it should clear up. Fortunately, it was caught way early enough so that I don't enter the 'lying on the floor wishing for death' phase of pain. It is the kind of pain that once you've had it you immediately know if it's acting up.
I'm confident it is being treated well and so there need be no concern over this. I am actually much more worried about getting hit by an idiot in some sort of motorized vehicle driving like they are a monkey on crack than being incapacitated by this.
In other health news, my right leg is finally totally healed of bloodying up the toe by jamming it in Egypt, burning the calf on a muffler in Thailand and scraping the shin on a boat in Cambodia. I wait to see what new stuff happens to it.
FACEBOOK TRIVIA QUESTION
On Facebook, I asked the question, "In Logan's next blog he compares drivers of a SE Asia nation to "monkeys on crack". Can you guess which nation?"
This is of course a trick question. The correct answer is "all of them".
MISCELLANEOUS
The rules thus far from NCIS. Good stuff.
In order to help pass the time and who knows maybe give me some pleasure and money (it could happen) I have begun working on a book. If people want to comment on it, send me an e-mail (logan9a@yahoo.com) or Facebook private message and ask for it. I will send the outline and first couple pages. I will bug you until my fingers are sore for feedback. The genre is urban fantasy. It is a work of fiction. Some of you will say the work of fiction sentence is unnecessary when I say 'urban fantasy', others will not. I put in the last sentence for both crowds to be happy. I am not Harry Potter and don't own a wand. If it went the route my sunglasses did, it would be broken anyway.
PRICES
1.5 liter bottle of Fanta, $1.25
1.5 liter bottle of diet Pepsi or Coke, $2.50. Guess which Logan is drinking? Sad.
Cross town tuk tuk, $3
Friday, November 11, 2011
LAOS, INITIAL IMPRESSIONS
NARRATIVE
My initial impressions of Luang Prabang (Lao): It's a fairly quiet town. By that, I mean that there are no bars, night life or any of that sort of thing in evidence. The big game that people seem to play among themselves in side alleys and such - bingo. I am not joking. They play it with the concentration normally reserved to retirees in America who have nothing better going on in their lives.
I don't really mind a quiet town, however. It gives me more time to plot and scheme.
The French influence is very apparent in the architecture as well as restaurants which offer an assortment of crapes, baguettes and sandwiches - none of which I want. Fortunately, there is enough Lao food (as well as American or generalized Western European) to keep me fed.
When I initially got here, I followed a girl off of the boat who looked like she knew where she was going. She was a bit concerned but I explained about my navigating by zen. Her concern moved from 'possible stalker' to 'weirdo'. I haven't seen her since. The place she inadvertently led me to was OK. The price was only 50,000 KIP. It did have internet but despite their claims to the contrary, it didn't quite reach into the room. Because I like downloading more shit to keep me busy, I decided the next day to look for a better place.
Neither the initial place I stayed nor the place after that bothered to look at my passport nor even get my passport number. It is tempting to begin living under an assumed name but I know that is the kind of thing to bite me in the ass later.
The second place I sought out the morning after was nearly double the first place at 80,000 KIP but that is still only $10 per night. With my own room, own bathroom, a balcony, table, a hard backed wooden chair and internet that actually reaches into the room I am happy with it.
After spending a successful night I was able to negotiate the manager down to 70,000 KIP if I paid three nights all at once. It is not a great discount but that is the problem of not being able to deal with the boss directly.
So far the Lao folk (I don't know the plural) seem OK. I am rather neutral toward them. Some seem cheerful and nice, others like that until you do something they don't like then it jumps to bitchy with no give, others seem aloof. I am pretty neutral on them overall neither harboring good nor bad feelings toward them as a whole. Actually, I can't think of a country that I am overall positively or negatively disposed toward the people as a group. Interesting. This is up from my past where I 'hated everyone equally'. I must be mellowing with age.
The level of English spoken is slightly up from what I encountered in Thailand though there are still plenty of folks who will just throw up their hands and not want to even try to understand what you are saying.
By contrast, the driving safety is well elevated from Thailand. Here, they drive American style (as opposed to British) but they seem to que instead of the 'whatever you can get away with' strategy. There are still more than enough people who are more focused on hauling packages, holding up umbrellas and talking on the cell phone (sometimes all at once) while driving a scooter to keep the population from getting out of hand.
Like Thailand, the stores in Lao confuse me. It is like someone badly printed a book on capitalism and someone else ripped out some vital pages of it. People who decided to open stores were forced to read this book and believed it. Like in Thailand, the secret to success in business is to find a successful business then open up the exact same business next door to it. You sell the same shit at the same prices. The thinking seems to be that you will then be just as successful. I don't claim to be an expert in business but even to me, this is baffling and bazaar behavior. The stores are all the same and sell approximately the same things. They have less personality and individual feel than a row of Twinkies. You won't encounter a stationary store that also sells cold drinks, as an example. Sadly, even in American business you can still find many examples of the 'do what worked for someone else' strategy. Mainly in Hollywood. And MMO's.
LOGAN THE WHAT?
I decided to give teaching English a try. I went to two different places and got results with one of them. The first place I went to was an 'English university'. It really wasn't - it was a building looking like every other that was labeled as such. I missed it the first couple times I went by. I even bought a pen (that didn't work) from the business next door. When I finally discovered it, I heard Pete H's voice in my head chuckling dryly and saying "You're just not paying attention, Logan!" I have no idea how Pete AKA Sherlock Holmes wormed his way into my subconscious but I suspect he is monitoring me from afar with some sort of strange, eldritch device. However he is doing it, I find it odd that my subconscious has an Australian accent. They have no native English teachers at the school and the teachers they do have were astonishing only in that they are allowed to teach English. The first time I made an appointment the 'big boss' blew it off as something else came up. I went by later without an appointment but was told that they didn't have any use for someone to come by for a few days or a week to help out on a volunteer basis. What they really needed was someone who already had a work permit to come by and teach. This tells me that either it is like Thailand where you need a work permit to volunteer, or that the 'big boss' is pretty brainless.
The other place I had gone to, on an impulse, was a Buddhist temple (called a Wat). I am now teaching some of the monks English for an hour a day. I don't really have a curriculum or anything - we're just jumping into it. The first thing I learned is why teachers have a curriculum. I suspect that I'll be needing to learn a lot from this.
I thought at first I would just be teaching one monk (named Phon) but other monks seem to drift in and out to see if they can pick up bits. I think I've learned more about the monks than they have learned about English from me.
Thus far, I've learned that the monks pray, build buildings, study (I'm guessing religious and schooling), and live a far more worldly life than I thought monks would live. Until the age of twenty you are a novice. As soon as you hit twenty, presto, you are a monk. I don't know if they have further ranks up the ladder or not. You are also able to give up being a monk whenever you want. The monk Phon (yes, he is over twenty) joined the priesthood because his school was too far away. Being poor farmers, his parents couldn't afford to purchase him a bike to get there. He needed to join in order to get an education. His goal is to open a restaurant some day. He seems pretty bright - though very reserved. When I first talked to him about teaching him and anyone else who wanted to learn English, he asked why I would waste my time doing that. Yes, those were his words. I was surprised at his directness. I decided to give a direct answer back and tell him it was so that I could find out if I enjoyed teaching. If I do, then I could perhaps get a TEFL certificate and do it elsewhere for money. I've only worked with him for one day as of the writing of this and so far I really don't have an opinion. I also don't think what I'm doing is teaching so much as it would be construed as 'tutoring'. I also think that any actual English teacher would shit a football at what I am teaching them. Well, at least the English teachers I had in my youth. I've met a lot of English teachers that consider themselves to be more 'hip' than that. To wit, I point out "Hey, you're a fucking English teacher. Sorry, it is not 'hip'." But what else would you do with a degree in English other than Starbucks? [Yes, I'd take even a fake degree in English right now as it would make me money but I know better than to try teaching English in the states thank you very much.] It is real English but not proper/book English. I am working on more of the 'common usage' English.
THE ANGRY FRENCHMAN
I was sitting around watching a French couple who were stupid enough to order without looking at the menu. They were an older couple - fifties or sixties. The man was absolutely outraged at being charged 5000 KIP for a small bucket of ice. He was upset at the principle of the thing. He even made a threat to close the restaurant. I'm not sure if he knew how full of shit he sounded. I don't think they have 'tourist police' here but even had this happened in Thailand, you'd just end up paying it after they arrived. Eventually they stormed off. I don't think they had to pay for the ice. In the past, I would have been irritated at such a big scene and tantrum. Now, I just pull out my notebook and think "You go in blog now."
THE SHITTY BAG
So, I decided to go try out Lao whiskey. It costs about five dollars a bottle so I figured 'why not'. I bought a bottle and had made it literally five meters away from the shop before the bottom ripped out of the plastic bag and the whiskey within its box plummeted to the ground. Naturally, the bottle immediately broke. Just before it ripped, I had an odd premonition that it would. I decided to see how it would play out. I looked back at the guy who was observing this and spread out my arms in the universal 'would you look at this fucking shit' gesture. I brought him back the bag and box of broken glass. I was more curious to see what he would do than anything. He ended up replacing it for free as well as giving me a double bag. This gave me a warm fuzzy feeling about the people of Lao. It lasted until I tasted the whiskey.
TRAVELER'S TIPS
If a place doesn't scrutinize your passport, assume the security is shit and act accordingly. Not only can your stuff be stolen but it can be stolen completely anonymously.
Never order without seeing the menu unless you have extra money to burn. Personally, I like to demand my check with the food. If something is brought to the table, ask how much it costs and send it back if you didn't order it. Otherwise, you will get stuck will bills for rice, extra sauce, ice, etc.
KEEPING TO YOURSELF
I am still struggling to follow the wise words of Adam who told me to keep my cards closer to my chest. I'm still having problems with that but every day is a new learning adventure.
If, for example, you use a towel outside of it's intended use then ask for a new towel and present the old, you must be prepared to pay for the new towel. Better just to discretely steal a towel on the drying line at some point than pay an amazing 50,000 KIP for a new one and be threatened with the police if you do not.
Also, at this hotel I am politely fending off various 'when are you going to go do tourist shit that gives this hotel more money' offers from the proprietor. I have a built in excuse for the next couple days with my quirky stomach. I don't know what I ate but oh my god - and yes, sadly it is related to what I think of as the 'towel incident'. Whenever he asks about me wanting to do any of their over priced packaged tours, I always politely tell him I will consider it. Next I will move into looking at literature and such. Eventually, I will run out of time and be forced to move on without (so sad!) being able to indulge in this shit.
Yes, Adam, I can hear you shaking your head at me...
EXPAT COMMUNITY
I have been unable to locate the expat community here, other than some stuff on the internet. Sadly, the stuff on the internet I've found really sucks ass. I need to find a bunch of old gents sitting around and drinking beer to get the inside scoop. Unfortunately, this place doesn't seem to attract them. It could be something to do with the laws stating if you have sex with a Lao girl and are not her husband you go to jail you dirty foreign devil you. Not sure. Given the short duration of the visas and things I've heard, China or Vietnam may be a better bet. I'm planning on looking up more information but honestly, I'm not in a huge hurry to do so. I am still conducting my 'teaching experiment'. Note, I won't be able to get a Vietnam visa at the border. I've looked up the consulate for Vietnam in Luang Prabang. I've got to see if I can get a visa from them so I will be paying them a visit. If I can't, then I suspect (unless Julie's contact in China suddenly gets me a contact who will get me a visa and a job) it will be off to Cambodia when I am ready to leave.
Honestly, I'm beginning to think I made a big mistake in working my way through the north of Thailand and into Lao. I should have pushed east instead toward Cambodia. Well, I guess it's another country I've visited...
PRICES
Dark beer (not bad), 10,000 KIP.
Non functional ballpoint pen, 5000 KIP.
Vegetables with fried rice, not very good, 10,000 KIP.
1.5 liter bottle of water, 6000 KIP.
Trip from where I am (front door service) on an overnight sleeper bus to Vietnam. This bus supposedly has beds but I'm not sure if that is really true. 350,000 KIP (about $43). [Hell, yeah I am going to the bus station first to see if I can find it cheaper.] This bus supposedly goes all the way to Ha Noi.
Meals - generally 10,000 KIP (cold food in the night market, no meat, not very good) to 40,000 KIP + for restaurant dishes. Pretty much everything seems to be 10,000 KIP or 20,000 KIP.
My initial impressions of Luang Prabang (Lao): It's a fairly quiet town. By that, I mean that there are no bars, night life or any of that sort of thing in evidence. The big game that people seem to play among themselves in side alleys and such - bingo. I am not joking. They play it with the concentration normally reserved to retirees in America who have nothing better going on in their lives.
I don't really mind a quiet town, however. It gives me more time to plot and scheme.
The French influence is very apparent in the architecture as well as restaurants which offer an assortment of crapes, baguettes and sandwiches - none of which I want. Fortunately, there is enough Lao food (as well as American or generalized Western European) to keep me fed.
When I initially got here, I followed a girl off of the boat who looked like she knew where she was going. She was a bit concerned but I explained about my navigating by zen. Her concern moved from 'possible stalker' to 'weirdo'. I haven't seen her since. The place she inadvertently led me to was OK. The price was only 50,000 KIP. It did have internet but despite their claims to the contrary, it didn't quite reach into the room. Because I like downloading more shit to keep me busy, I decided the next day to look for a better place.
Neither the initial place I stayed nor the place after that bothered to look at my passport nor even get my passport number. It is tempting to begin living under an assumed name but I know that is the kind of thing to bite me in the ass later.
The second place I sought out the morning after was nearly double the first place at 80,000 KIP but that is still only $10 per night. With my own room, own bathroom, a balcony, table, a hard backed wooden chair and internet that actually reaches into the room I am happy with it.
After spending a successful night I was able to negotiate the manager down to 70,000 KIP if I paid three nights all at once. It is not a great discount but that is the problem of not being able to deal with the boss directly.
So far the Lao folk (I don't know the plural) seem OK. I am rather neutral toward them. Some seem cheerful and nice, others like that until you do something they don't like then it jumps to bitchy with no give, others seem aloof. I am pretty neutral on them overall neither harboring good nor bad feelings toward them as a whole. Actually, I can't think of a country that I am overall positively or negatively disposed toward the people as a group. Interesting. This is up from my past where I 'hated everyone equally'. I must be mellowing with age.
The level of English spoken is slightly up from what I encountered in Thailand though there are still plenty of folks who will just throw up their hands and not want to even try to understand what you are saying.
By contrast, the driving safety is well elevated from Thailand. Here, they drive American style (as opposed to British) but they seem to que instead of the 'whatever you can get away with' strategy. There are still more than enough people who are more focused on hauling packages, holding up umbrellas and talking on the cell phone (sometimes all at once) while driving a scooter to keep the population from getting out of hand.
Like Thailand, the stores in Lao confuse me. It is like someone badly printed a book on capitalism and someone else ripped out some vital pages of it. People who decided to open stores were forced to read this book and believed it. Like in Thailand, the secret to success in business is to find a successful business then open up the exact same business next door to it. You sell the same shit at the same prices. The thinking seems to be that you will then be just as successful. I don't claim to be an expert in business but even to me, this is baffling and bazaar behavior. The stores are all the same and sell approximately the same things. They have less personality and individual feel than a row of Twinkies. You won't encounter a stationary store that also sells cold drinks, as an example. Sadly, even in American business you can still find many examples of the 'do what worked for someone else' strategy. Mainly in Hollywood. And MMO's.
LOGAN THE WHAT?
I decided to give teaching English a try. I went to two different places and got results with one of them. The first place I went to was an 'English university'. It really wasn't - it was a building looking like every other that was labeled as such. I missed it the first couple times I went by. I even bought a pen (that didn't work) from the business next door. When I finally discovered it, I heard Pete H's voice in my head chuckling dryly and saying "You're just not paying attention, Logan!" I have no idea how Pete AKA Sherlock Holmes wormed his way into my subconscious but I suspect he is monitoring me from afar with some sort of strange, eldritch device. However he is doing it, I find it odd that my subconscious has an Australian accent. They have no native English teachers at the school and the teachers they do have were astonishing only in that they are allowed to teach English. The first time I made an appointment the 'big boss' blew it off as something else came up. I went by later without an appointment but was told that they didn't have any use for someone to come by for a few days or a week to help out on a volunteer basis. What they really needed was someone who already had a work permit to come by and teach. This tells me that either it is like Thailand where you need a work permit to volunteer, or that the 'big boss' is pretty brainless.
The other place I had gone to, on an impulse, was a Buddhist temple (called a Wat). I am now teaching some of the monks English for an hour a day. I don't really have a curriculum or anything - we're just jumping into it. The first thing I learned is why teachers have a curriculum. I suspect that I'll be needing to learn a lot from this.
I thought at first I would just be teaching one monk (named Phon) but other monks seem to drift in and out to see if they can pick up bits. I think I've learned more about the monks than they have learned about English from me.
Thus far, I've learned that the monks pray, build buildings, study (I'm guessing religious and schooling), and live a far more worldly life than I thought monks would live. Until the age of twenty you are a novice. As soon as you hit twenty, presto, you are a monk. I don't know if they have further ranks up the ladder or not. You are also able to give up being a monk whenever you want. The monk Phon (yes, he is over twenty) joined the priesthood because his school was too far away. Being poor farmers, his parents couldn't afford to purchase him a bike to get there. He needed to join in order to get an education. His goal is to open a restaurant some day. He seems pretty bright - though very reserved. When I first talked to him about teaching him and anyone else who wanted to learn English, he asked why I would waste my time doing that. Yes, those were his words. I was surprised at his directness. I decided to give a direct answer back and tell him it was so that I could find out if I enjoyed teaching. If I do, then I could perhaps get a TEFL certificate and do it elsewhere for money. I've only worked with him for one day as of the writing of this and so far I really don't have an opinion. I also don't think what I'm doing is teaching so much as it would be construed as 'tutoring'. I also think that any actual English teacher would shit a football at what I am teaching them. Well, at least the English teachers I had in my youth. I've met a lot of English teachers that consider themselves to be more 'hip' than that. To wit, I point out "Hey, you're a fucking English teacher. Sorry, it is not 'hip'." But what else would you do with a degree in English other than Starbucks? [Yes, I'd take even a fake degree in English right now as it would make me money but I know better than to try teaching English in the states thank you very much.] It is real English but not proper/book English. I am working on more of the 'common usage' English.
THE ANGRY FRENCHMAN
I was sitting around watching a French couple who were stupid enough to order without looking at the menu. They were an older couple - fifties or sixties. The man was absolutely outraged at being charged 5000 KIP for a small bucket of ice. He was upset at the principle of the thing. He even made a threat to close the restaurant. I'm not sure if he knew how full of shit he sounded. I don't think they have 'tourist police' here but even had this happened in Thailand, you'd just end up paying it after they arrived. Eventually they stormed off. I don't think they had to pay for the ice. In the past, I would have been irritated at such a big scene and tantrum. Now, I just pull out my notebook and think "You go in blog now."
THE SHITTY BAG
So, I decided to go try out Lao whiskey. It costs about five dollars a bottle so I figured 'why not'. I bought a bottle and had made it literally five meters away from the shop before the bottom ripped out of the plastic bag and the whiskey within its box plummeted to the ground. Naturally, the bottle immediately broke. Just before it ripped, I had an odd premonition that it would. I decided to see how it would play out. I looked back at the guy who was observing this and spread out my arms in the universal 'would you look at this fucking shit' gesture. I brought him back the bag and box of broken glass. I was more curious to see what he would do than anything. He ended up replacing it for free as well as giving me a double bag. This gave me a warm fuzzy feeling about the people of Lao. It lasted until I tasted the whiskey.
TRAVELER'S TIPS
If a place doesn't scrutinize your passport, assume the security is shit and act accordingly. Not only can your stuff be stolen but it can be stolen completely anonymously.
Never order without seeing the menu unless you have extra money to burn. Personally, I like to demand my check with the food. If something is brought to the table, ask how much it costs and send it back if you didn't order it. Otherwise, you will get stuck will bills for rice, extra sauce, ice, etc.
KEEPING TO YOURSELF
I am still struggling to follow the wise words of Adam who told me to keep my cards closer to my chest. I'm still having problems with that but every day is a new learning adventure.
If, for example, you use a towel outside of it's intended use then ask for a new towel and present the old, you must be prepared to pay for the new towel. Better just to discretely steal a towel on the drying line at some point than pay an amazing 50,000 KIP for a new one and be threatened with the police if you do not.
Also, at this hotel I am politely fending off various 'when are you going to go do tourist shit that gives this hotel more money' offers from the proprietor. I have a built in excuse for the next couple days with my quirky stomach. I don't know what I ate but oh my god - and yes, sadly it is related to what I think of as the 'towel incident'. Whenever he asks about me wanting to do any of their over priced packaged tours, I always politely tell him I will consider it. Next I will move into looking at literature and such. Eventually, I will run out of time and be forced to move on without (so sad!) being able to indulge in this shit.
Yes, Adam, I can hear you shaking your head at me...
EXPAT COMMUNITY
I have been unable to locate the expat community here, other than some stuff on the internet. Sadly, the stuff on the internet I've found really sucks ass. I need to find a bunch of old gents sitting around and drinking beer to get the inside scoop. Unfortunately, this place doesn't seem to attract them. It could be something to do with the laws stating if you have sex with a Lao girl and are not her husband you go to jail you dirty foreign devil you. Not sure. Given the short duration of the visas and things I've heard, China or Vietnam may be a better bet. I'm planning on looking up more information but honestly, I'm not in a huge hurry to do so. I am still conducting my 'teaching experiment'. Note, I won't be able to get a Vietnam visa at the border. I've looked up the consulate for Vietnam in Luang Prabang. I've got to see if I can get a visa from them so I will be paying them a visit. If I can't, then I suspect (unless Julie's contact in China suddenly gets me a contact who will get me a visa and a job) it will be off to Cambodia when I am ready to leave.
Honestly, I'm beginning to think I made a big mistake in working my way through the north of Thailand and into Lao. I should have pushed east instead toward Cambodia. Well, I guess it's another country I've visited...
PRICES
Dark beer (not bad), 10,000 KIP.
Non functional ballpoint pen, 5000 KIP.
Vegetables with fried rice, not very good, 10,000 KIP.
1.5 liter bottle of water, 6000 KIP.
Trip from where I am (front door service) on an overnight sleeper bus to Vietnam. This bus supposedly has beds but I'm not sure if that is really true. 350,000 KIP (about $43). [Hell, yeah I am going to the bus station first to see if I can find it cheaper.] This bus supposedly goes all the way to Ha Noi.
Meals - generally 10,000 KIP (cold food in the night market, no meat, not very good) to 40,000 KIP + for restaurant dishes. Pretty much everything seems to be 10,000 KIP or 20,000 KIP.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
CAPPADOCIA HUNTER
TURKISH BUS RIDE
The big Turkish buses are pretty state of art. They have some climate control for everyone. There are also TV's to keep everyone from visiting with each other and forming friendships. Note that everything is dubbed (often badly) into Turkish.
While I was on the bus, I was hoping that the connections and such would be better once I reached western Turkey. In fact, they became a bit worse as I am now in competion with lots and lots of tourists.
When you're at a bus stop, it is important to pay close attention to the staff of the bus. There isn't a lot of notice when they are ready to take off. Don't let the bus leave without you.
At the bus stop, they had a choice between a grab food fast from a kabob dealer for 5 TRY or you could spend 15 TRY for one main and a side of rice from a desultory caffiteria. I noticed nobody ate at the caffiteria. I wonder if the other restaurant owners want to burn down that guys shop.
The buses are a pretty smooth ride, though being in the bus seat for so many hours made my back feel like it was on fire. If someone had a film of me in the seat and played it in fast forward, it might look like the torture scene from the Princess Bride. It might have been Niechie who said 'That which does not kill us makes us stronger'. If it were true, I'd be remarkably tough. I'm not. I suspect Niechie was talking about somthing else - or more likely - talking out of his ass.
Eventually, I arrived in a different town. I got reassured by three different people I was indeed in Kayseri. I alwayys check with several people as the language barrier and a healthy dose of stupidity can often get in the way of me knowing things. Whenever I am trying to get information - be it directions, where I am, anything I always interview several people who are not within sight of each other until I get a consensus of at least three.
As I was writing this, I was listening to the five AM call to prayer. I am so happy I am aegnostic. At least there is a chance of sleep.
I had to wait two hours for my connecting bus to Goreme.
Cut to...
What has taken you seconds to read for me has been a troubled and oft interrupted sleep. Visions of the past and perhaps the future are under laid with the strange fluting music of the spheres. Alderaan's not far away.
I get a bit strange when sleep deprived.
I kept a close eye out for Goreme as it was not the last stop on the route but I need not have bothered. The giant stone penis shaped rocks were a big tip off.
ARRIVAL IN GOREME
The first thing I thought when I arrived in Goreme was 'holy fuck, I've wandered into a rocky version of Disney Land'. Talk about masses of tourists, this place is as rotten with them as many of the larger cities in western Europe. The noise of rolling luggage across cobblestones torments my soul.
I wandered over to the tourist information office (conveniently located) and inquired after 'Star Cave'. They called and told me that I'd be picked up. I thought that was nice but was a bit surprised when I ended up 'riding bitch' on a scooter.
The guy who is working the desk is named Ramazon. His happiness with me ebbs and wanes depending on if he believes money is forthcoming. The room is 20 TRY (rather than the 15 TRY on 'wiki-travel', hence I updated it and added other...notes...) and includes a breakfast the which could be excelled only by stale cereal and old milk. Or some mysterious piece of bread that I can buy at a store along with a box of fake juice.
The laundry service is decent though it is the most I've ever paid to have my clothing washed at 15 TRY. It needed it. Badly.
In addition there is a sign up asking people to not bring in alcoholic beverages as they sell them here. In their defense, I did purchase a rather nice bottle of wine I really enjoyed.
As far as the ambiance here it is as Adam said - pretty nifty and extravagant. Not bad for a 20 TRY bed. It isn't very clean however and without the Aussie who owns the place, the other half of the hostel equation is missing as well.
Food is a bit expensive here in 'tourist land' and the hostel has no kitchen I may use. That's OK. I'd rather burn to a different country where buying prepared food is cheap rather than eat anything I've cooked.
As I'd seen several scooters around, I asked Ramazan how much it cost to rent them. He responded that it is 'not my job'. This immediately put the sleep deprived, filthy Logan to a 'well disposed' mood toward him. Then, he wanted to tell me about all of the different tours and such he could get me on. I know he gets a referral cut from this. Attempting to put his hand into Logan's pocket made Logan positively friendly toward him.
When I was working in the hostel and people showed up, one of my first questions for them was "What do you need right now?" Some of them were interested in going to do stuff - others in nothing more than stretching their legs with a nice walk and some in a shower and sleep. I tried not to assume I knew what they wanted.
I walked around a bit after dropping my pack (and chaining it to the bed) and discovered a fancy coffee shop you could buy espressos and such for 4 TRY. I explored still further and found a place where I could buy Turkish coffee for 1.25 TRY.
Looking around, this place reminds me a lot of the stories I've heard about Venice where the tourists wildly outnumber the locals. If tourism stopped and everyone knew it would never again be back, this town would shrink from 5000 residents to 500.
On the second day, I zoomed around on an ATV. I'm not sure if it was pretending to be the late, great Crocodile Hunter Cappadocia or getting to ride the ATV I enjoyed more. That was the best time I had here. If you are going to do it, bring some goggles (they have none) as the dust is really bad - worse if you are in a group. They even hose you down with pressurized air afterward to get rid of some of the dust from your clothing. If you have no goggles, bring eye drops. You'll thank me later.
Also available are horses, camels, scooters and balloons. You will not want for lack of options - if you want to spend the cash.
Speaking of balloons, I think the reason I may end up dumping the cash to do another ATV ride over the same course instead of a balloon ride is that an ATV is an active thing - a balloon ride is a passive thing.
OTHER RANTINGS
While I was looking at my iteniery I was contemplating the next place. If it is $20 or more to hit each place I am interested in visiting, I'll have to get more choosy on what I'm really interested in seeing.
The Turkish flag is everywhere. People seem very proud of their country.
The Turkish alphabet is the first one in awhile that uses characters I'm use to. It is possible to make out what some of the stuff is saying.
Africa is the first country I wish I had an 'African style' fly whisk in. I can understand why many of the natives wear long sleeved shirts and long trousers.
LOOKING FORWARD
After about two days here, I've seen enough pointy rocks. Neat. No, I haven't gone into the 'watch the fat man try to squat in houses in the underground city isn't it funny how inflexible he is' places. I've seen them on TV and thought 'meh'. I am not really interested in cave churches either. Even the guy at the hostel asked "Why did you come to Cappadocia?" Fortunately, I didn't respond with "To be interrogated by assholes." I said "To relax." This irritated him because my relaxing does not put money in his pocket. After one night of sleep and two days in total, I am pretty much ready to move on. Since I can't due to the holiday and the chalked full buses until the fifth I may end up doing the ATV's again, even though the route would be exactly the same.
Other travelers have told me that Anatalya is just as touristic but not as nice as Goreme. This makes me so happy. I think I will try to pay by the night there. Yes, I hear Adam's voice in my head "Hey you stupid bastard, you're going to tourist places - what did you expect?" My answer: Perhaps a bit more subtlety with the hand out? Yes, I know - I'm in Turkey. I will either deal with it or move with alacrity.
TRAVELERS' TIPS
Don't be shy about showing your ticket to several employees at a bus station to make sure you get on the right bus.
The companies that sell tickets are many and varied. Some sell tickets for other places. Some are completely sold out of everything and will tell you that the bus is full. Others will somehow have a seat available. Check around. In America, this type of system would be referred to by the phrase "cluster fuck" but it seems to work here. Sort of. Even the official 'information booth' (marked 'information' in English though the inhabitants of it speak none) is pretty useless. Just walk around and talk to everyone. You'll eventually find the information you need.
Just after Ramadan, there is a festival (Ramazan Bayramı in Turkey) that lasts two to four days, depending on who you talk to. I'd suggest booking well ahead or just stay where you are and don't move till it is over if you are in any Muslim country. Transportation lines and hotels are overflowing. [Side note: As I am writing this, I am listening to a couple of Japanese girls whose whole travel plans have gotten totally fucked due to this holiday. Aren't you glad you read this blog?]
The single most important phrase to learn in any country is 'thank you'.
If you are with an incompetent guide and become lost, stop moving and wait for him to come find you.
TRAVELERS LORE
According to a cool guy I met from Vietnam named Van, Vietnam is twice as cheap as Turkey. Nice.
TURKISH CUSTOMS
They like to spread water upon the ground to 'make it cooler' and keep the dust down.
COSTS
Can of soda, 2 TRY at bus stop restaurant, 3 TRY in Cappadocia
Soe sort of chicken sandwich at bus stop, 5 TRY
Bottle of Cappadocian wine, 20 TRY
ATV - you must get a guide but it is included with the price. Totally worth it IMO, 60 TRY
Most other dorm living (including a place called the 'Flintstones' which bears no resemblance to the cartoon and that is a pity) has dorm beds for 25 TRY. I didn't ask if they included a shitty breakfast with that.
A half hour massage, 50 Euros. When the guy said Euros I tried not to burst out laughing. By his expression, I don't think I was controlling my facial muscles well enough. But I did try. So, for half an hour of massage, you can go on a two or three hour balloon ride that includes breakfast and possibly lunch. I'll leave you to think which is the better.
WANDERING AROUND GOREME
I was wandering around Goreme and accidentally wandered onto the death march known as 'Pigeon Valley'. It was a fairly arduous climb. Well, for me anyway. And I was totally unprepared for what it turned into - I wasn't carrying water, was wearing flip flops and carrying a sweater. Eventually, it became the 'in for a penny in for a pound' sort of thing that my stubborn streak likes to go up against. I'm glad in this case I did because I met a Vietnamese guy named Van who I got to chat with for quite some time. I also met a nice Dutch family (husband and wife with a baby in a backpack thing) and an old man who sold tea very close to the terminus of the trip. I addressed him as 'the smartest man alive'. Unfortunately, he did not have a backgammon board or I would have spent even more time there. It was a pretty good amount of walking that I didn't want to repeat again in any circumstances.
VIDEO
Stone Penis
Paco
Cappadocia Hunter
Holmes Needed
Meet the Horse
Tosspot Helmets
Location, location and...
Fresh TV
The Walls
The big Turkish buses are pretty state of art. They have some climate control for everyone. There are also TV's to keep everyone from visiting with each other and forming friendships. Note that everything is dubbed (often badly) into Turkish.
While I was on the bus, I was hoping that the connections and such would be better once I reached western Turkey. In fact, they became a bit worse as I am now in competion with lots and lots of tourists.
When you're at a bus stop, it is important to pay close attention to the staff of the bus. There isn't a lot of notice when they are ready to take off. Don't let the bus leave without you.
At the bus stop, they had a choice between a grab food fast from a kabob dealer for 5 TRY or you could spend 15 TRY for one main and a side of rice from a desultory caffiteria. I noticed nobody ate at the caffiteria. I wonder if the other restaurant owners want to burn down that guys shop.
The buses are a pretty smooth ride, though being in the bus seat for so many hours made my back feel like it was on fire. If someone had a film of me in the seat and played it in fast forward, it might look like the torture scene from the Princess Bride. It might have been Niechie who said 'That which does not kill us makes us stronger'. If it were true, I'd be remarkably tough. I'm not. I suspect Niechie was talking about somthing else - or more likely - talking out of his ass.
Eventually, I arrived in a different town. I got reassured by three different people I was indeed in Kayseri. I alwayys check with several people as the language barrier and a healthy dose of stupidity can often get in the way of me knowing things. Whenever I am trying to get information - be it directions, where I am, anything I always interview several people who are not within sight of each other until I get a consensus of at least three.
As I was writing this, I was listening to the five AM call to prayer. I am so happy I am aegnostic. At least there is a chance of sleep.
I had to wait two hours for my connecting bus to Goreme.
Cut to...
What has taken you seconds to read for me has been a troubled and oft interrupted sleep. Visions of the past and perhaps the future are under laid with the strange fluting music of the spheres. Alderaan's not far away.
I get a bit strange when sleep deprived.
I kept a close eye out for Goreme as it was not the last stop on the route but I need not have bothered. The giant stone penis shaped rocks were a big tip off.
ARRIVAL IN GOREME
The first thing I thought when I arrived in Goreme was 'holy fuck, I've wandered into a rocky version of Disney Land'. Talk about masses of tourists, this place is as rotten with them as many of the larger cities in western Europe. The noise of rolling luggage across cobblestones torments my soul.
I wandered over to the tourist information office (conveniently located) and inquired after 'Star Cave'. They called and told me that I'd be picked up. I thought that was nice but was a bit surprised when I ended up 'riding bitch' on a scooter.
The guy who is working the desk is named Ramazon. His happiness with me ebbs and wanes depending on if he believes money is forthcoming. The room is 20 TRY (rather than the 15 TRY on 'wiki-travel', hence I updated it and added other...notes...) and includes a breakfast the which could be excelled only by stale cereal and old milk. Or some mysterious piece of bread that I can buy at a store along with a box of fake juice.
The laundry service is decent though it is the most I've ever paid to have my clothing washed at 15 TRY. It needed it. Badly.
In addition there is a sign up asking people to not bring in alcoholic beverages as they sell them here. In their defense, I did purchase a rather nice bottle of wine I really enjoyed.
As far as the ambiance here it is as Adam said - pretty nifty and extravagant. Not bad for a 20 TRY bed. It isn't very clean however and without the Aussie who owns the place, the other half of the hostel equation is missing as well.
Food is a bit expensive here in 'tourist land' and the hostel has no kitchen I may use. That's OK. I'd rather burn to a different country where buying prepared food is cheap rather than eat anything I've cooked.
As I'd seen several scooters around, I asked Ramazan how much it cost to rent them. He responded that it is 'not my job'. This immediately put the sleep deprived, filthy Logan to a 'well disposed' mood toward him. Then, he wanted to tell me about all of the different tours and such he could get me on. I know he gets a referral cut from this. Attempting to put his hand into Logan's pocket made Logan positively friendly toward him.
When I was working in the hostel and people showed up, one of my first questions for them was "What do you need right now?" Some of them were interested in going to do stuff - others in nothing more than stretching their legs with a nice walk and some in a shower and sleep. I tried not to assume I knew what they wanted.
I walked around a bit after dropping my pack (and chaining it to the bed) and discovered a fancy coffee shop you could buy espressos and such for 4 TRY. I explored still further and found a place where I could buy Turkish coffee for 1.25 TRY.
Looking around, this place reminds me a lot of the stories I've heard about Venice where the tourists wildly outnumber the locals. If tourism stopped and everyone knew it would never again be back, this town would shrink from 5000 residents to 500.
On the second day, I zoomed around on an ATV. I'm not sure if it was pretending to be the late, great Crocodile Hunter Cappadocia or getting to ride the ATV I enjoyed more. That was the best time I had here. If you are going to do it, bring some goggles (they have none) as the dust is really bad - worse if you are in a group. They even hose you down with pressurized air afterward to get rid of some of the dust from your clothing. If you have no goggles, bring eye drops. You'll thank me later.
Also available are horses, camels, scooters and balloons. You will not want for lack of options - if you want to spend the cash.
Speaking of balloons, I think the reason I may end up dumping the cash to do another ATV ride over the same course instead of a balloon ride is that an ATV is an active thing - a balloon ride is a passive thing.
OTHER RANTINGS
While I was looking at my iteniery I was contemplating the next place. If it is $20 or more to hit each place I am interested in visiting, I'll have to get more choosy on what I'm really interested in seeing.
The Turkish flag is everywhere. People seem very proud of their country.
The Turkish alphabet is the first one in awhile that uses characters I'm use to. It is possible to make out what some of the stuff is saying.
Africa is the first country I wish I had an 'African style' fly whisk in. I can understand why many of the natives wear long sleeved shirts and long trousers.
LOOKING FORWARD
After about two days here, I've seen enough pointy rocks. Neat. No, I haven't gone into the 'watch the fat man try to squat in houses in the underground city isn't it funny how inflexible he is' places. I've seen them on TV and thought 'meh'. I am not really interested in cave churches either. Even the guy at the hostel asked "Why did you come to Cappadocia?" Fortunately, I didn't respond with "To be interrogated by assholes." I said "To relax." This irritated him because my relaxing does not put money in his pocket. After one night of sleep and two days in total, I am pretty much ready to move on. Since I can't due to the holiday and the chalked full buses until the fifth I may end up doing the ATV's again, even though the route would be exactly the same.
Other travelers have told me that Anatalya is just as touristic but not as nice as Goreme. This makes me so happy. I think I will try to pay by the night there. Yes, I hear Adam's voice in my head "Hey you stupid bastard, you're going to tourist places - what did you expect?" My answer: Perhaps a bit more subtlety with the hand out? Yes, I know - I'm in Turkey. I will either deal with it or move with alacrity.
TRAVELERS' TIPS
Don't be shy about showing your ticket to several employees at a bus station to make sure you get on the right bus.
The companies that sell tickets are many and varied. Some sell tickets for other places. Some are completely sold out of everything and will tell you that the bus is full. Others will somehow have a seat available. Check around. In America, this type of system would be referred to by the phrase "cluster fuck" but it seems to work here. Sort of. Even the official 'information booth' (marked 'information' in English though the inhabitants of it speak none) is pretty useless. Just walk around and talk to everyone. You'll eventually find the information you need.
Just after Ramadan, there is a festival (Ramazan Bayramı in Turkey) that lasts two to four days, depending on who you talk to. I'd suggest booking well ahead or just stay where you are and don't move till it is over if you are in any Muslim country. Transportation lines and hotels are overflowing. [Side note: As I am writing this, I am listening to a couple of Japanese girls whose whole travel plans have gotten totally fucked due to this holiday. Aren't you glad you read this blog?]
The single most important phrase to learn in any country is 'thank you'.
If you are with an incompetent guide and become lost, stop moving and wait for him to come find you.
TRAVELERS LORE
According to a cool guy I met from Vietnam named Van, Vietnam is twice as cheap as Turkey. Nice.
TURKISH CUSTOMS
They like to spread water upon the ground to 'make it cooler' and keep the dust down.
COSTS
Can of soda, 2 TRY at bus stop restaurant, 3 TRY in Cappadocia
Soe sort of chicken sandwich at bus stop, 5 TRY
Bottle of Cappadocian wine, 20 TRY
ATV - you must get a guide but it is included with the price. Totally worth it IMO, 60 TRY
Most other dorm living (including a place called the 'Flintstones' which bears no resemblance to the cartoon and that is a pity) has dorm beds for 25 TRY. I didn't ask if they included a shitty breakfast with that.
A half hour massage, 50 Euros. When the guy said Euros I tried not to burst out laughing. By his expression, I don't think I was controlling my facial muscles well enough. But I did try. So, for half an hour of massage, you can go on a two or three hour balloon ride that includes breakfast and possibly lunch. I'll leave you to think which is the better.
WANDERING AROUND GOREME
I was wandering around Goreme and accidentally wandered onto the death march known as 'Pigeon Valley'. It was a fairly arduous climb. Well, for me anyway. And I was totally unprepared for what it turned into - I wasn't carrying water, was wearing flip flops and carrying a sweater. Eventually, it became the 'in for a penny in for a pound' sort of thing that my stubborn streak likes to go up against. I'm glad in this case I did because I met a Vietnamese guy named Van who I got to chat with for quite some time. I also met a nice Dutch family (husband and wife with a baby in a backpack thing) and an old man who sold tea very close to the terminus of the trip. I addressed him as 'the smartest man alive'. Unfortunately, he did not have a backgammon board or I would have spent even more time there. It was a pretty good amount of walking that I didn't want to repeat again in any circumstances.
VIDEO
Stone Penis
Paco
Cappadocia Hunter
Holmes Needed
Meet the Horse
Tosspot Helmets
Location, location and...
Fresh TV
The Walls
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