HONDURAS

HONDURAS

I took a long and rough bus ride from Guatemala to Honduras.  It's not like riding around in the states.  Imagine being on a 'washboard road' (lots of bumps) and your closer.  Add in huge potholes, plenty of swerving around, a driver who is an adrenaline junkie and you are closer still.  Travel in many parts of the world is not the smooth highways you can fall asleep in.

On the advice of others I went to Copan aka Copan Ruinas (the ruins of Copan).  They have what I am told is a somewhat mediocre Mayan site here.  Other tourists have told me the one in Guatemala is much better.  I don't know, haven't been.

Why go to Honduras if not to see the sites?

Scuba diving.

While in Indonesia, I learned that Honduras is *the* place for scuba diving.  Cheapest in the world to dive and some nice stuff in the Caribbean.

My strategy is simple.  Live as poor as possible for a month, then go to Utila to learn to scuba dive.  After snorkeling around the clear waters off Indonesia's Gili Islands, it became a goal.

Unfortunately, living cheaply for a month is harder than it sounds.  Well, for someone like me anyway.  [Note, if you want Logan to 'get on with it', go to the paypal 'donate' button on the bottom of the page.  Once I get $600 I'm off to Utila.]

One of the problems with Honduras is that you have to eventually pass through a city called San Pedro Sula.

Not a nice place.

If you'd clicked the wikitravel link above, you'll notice they have an average of three homicides per day.

Awesome.

Sadly, there is no practical way to avoid this town.  It is the transport hub of the country.

So you will be going through it if you visit Honduras.

I was talking with a travel agent about San Pedro Sula and mentioned it was currently 'the murder capital of the world'.

Travel agent:  "Don't call it that.  It's just a copy paste by journalists."

Logan:  "That's a lot of copy pasting!  How about 'Death City'?

Travel agent:  (Gives Logan a hard look.)

Logan:  "Even Detroit was down in the forties.  (Pounding on her desk)  They need to TRY HARDER!"

Travel agent:  (Sighs and shakes her head.)



SECTION FOR AMERICANS

Don't read any of the shit about central America.  It is geared to scare you and in my experience thus far has proven not to be true.  People I've met don't disdain Americans - they want to find out what state you live in so they can tell you about a relative or friend who lives in a different random state.



FUCKING AND FIGHTING ALL NIGHT LONG

In the USA (can't say America here, technically, I'm in America) they humanely destroy strays.  Bleeding hearts whine about this as they whine about many things.

After listening to cats, dogs and the hated roosters fuck and fight all night long I've decided I'd like them and their owners or previous owners all humanely destroyed.  Along with the bleeding heart people.

PS:  Cats fucking still better than music.



COPAN

Currently staying in 'Iguana Azul' (Blue Iguana for those at home).  No major bitches.  The private room is normally 15 USD per night but I haggled him down to 10 USD with the promise of staying for a long time.  Which I have so he has no bitches either.  The place is fine - decent wifi.  Unfortunately, the bathrooms are outside.  Hence, if you want to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and it's raining, you get wet.  In better news, they do have a washboard and soap I can use for free to clean my clothing.  Much cheaper than the only place who thought to offer a laundry service in town wants.



RESTAURANTS WITHIN COPAN

Within town are two main restaurants the tourists seem to hit.   Twisted Tanyas and Via Via.  Although the latter has decent two for one drink specials the food and service in both are shoddy.  You pay for the ambiance.  I've been going to the Honduran equivalent of 'fast food' places (not at all like McDonalds) and also the local favorite 'Commodore Mary's'.



WHOSE SPIDEY SENSE WAS TINGLING?

Was doing something else while opening a bottle of water.  Froze.  Something wrong.  Pondered and discovered that I didn't feel the plastic seal tear.

Do I think someone has refilled the bottle with whatever water was available in order to make a dollar off an unsuspecting buyer?

Fuck yes I do.

Into the sink with it!



COSTS

Meal, with drink, small mom and pop place - under 100 HNL
Meal in upscale place, with drink - under 200 HNL

Anything more expensive than that I've not eaten.

Room with air conditioning, 20 USD

DIGGING DEEPER INTO GUATEMALA

DIGGING DEEPER INTO GUATEMALA

One of the very nice things about being a traveler (opposed to a tourist) is you have no set plans.  No schedule other than what you choose to set.  Or what the visiting government has set as their 'Get the fuck out of my country' date.

After a day or two I got bored with Antigua.  While loitering around my 125Q per night hotel, I strike up a conversation with a couple tourists.  They ask the usual questions and are curious as to what I want to do in Guatemala.

"Well, right now I want to relax."

Antigua is pretty expensive for that.  They recommended San Pedro.  For USD 10 and four or five hours of my life I can be there.  Why not.



OH HELL YEAH

You can never tell where a random conversation with a couple of nice people is going to take you.  This one took me to a lush jungle lake town with friendly locals and cheap prices.  They've got quite a good expat community and everything seems very nice here.

For those who don't carefully read every word I commit to the ages,

When you travel, find expats.  They know what you want to know - especially if you are staying in an area for more than three days.  Three or less is a pit stop.



BETTER LIVING THROUGH LYNCHING

Living close to the 'raggedy edge'....

I'm staying in a pretty idyllic town.  Jungle, lake, quiet.

All that was shattered when three natives went into a bar and started waving guns around.  Oddly, they weren't robbing the place.  They were just showing their power.

According to locals I've spoken with, the local cops are worse than useless.

Logan:  "So what will happen?"
Innkeeper:  "Well, they'll be out of here by tomorrow one way or the other.  There might be a lynching, bodies dumped in the lake."
Logan:  "I'd like to point out I've already paid my tab."
Innkeeper:  "We're not worried about you."

Slice of my life.

PS:  Do NOT tell me to 'be safe'.  I know it's an American thing but I'm here for adventure - not safety.



UNSKILLED LABOR, REVISITED

I've mentioned it before with my story from India about the air conditioner repair man.  Had another baffling case of it today.

I'd ordered a custom made shirt for 100Q (about $12).  Got there and the woman told me she had a problem.  Not a problem for me but a problem for her.

Despite having taken my measurements and seen me before she had used too much material on the shirt.  Hence it would cost 150Q if I still wanted it.  I didn't so I left.  She apologized saying it was her problem.

This brings up several baffling questions.

I'd be willing to bet this woman has done sewing and stuff for over twenty years.  How can you NOT figure out how much material and come up with a price for it?

Also, who the hell will she sell it to?  I've not seen any locals my size and the store is off of the tourist trail.  Now she has to sit on that inventory indefinitely rather than sell it at break even or a slight loss?

So when people talk about 'unskilled labor' in other countries, sometimes they are talking about people who have done their job for over ten years and still have no clue what's going on.

Baffling.



SPANISH

So I recently stole a 'how to speak spanish' podcast thing.
Christ, it is boring.
If they had fun phrases like:
"Don't shoot me"
"There is a schnitzel in my leiderhosen"
"Why do you play so much fucking hippy music"
"Where can I find a midget?"

Then it would be much more interesting.

And useful.



LOGAN DISLIKES MUSIC

Why I prefer the sounds of two cats screwing as opposed to music:

If I say I don't like the noise, nobody looks at me as if I'm insane.

Nobody tries to tell me that if perhaps I heard different cats fucking, I'd enjoy it more.

Nobody asks me which cats I like to listen to fuck in a clever ruse to subject me to noises of their preferred cats fucking.

It's softer than a live band.

If you kill the cats, you will just get a fine.

There was no evil human influence behind the cats decision to fuck just outside my window.  If there was, I wouldn't be the only person deeply concerned.

The cats don't expect you to tip them.

Disclaimer:  I have respect for those who can play instruments, have worked hard on them, etc.  Should I pay to go to a concert, I'll be interested in hearing it.  If you come to me with an instrument and just start playing, I'm going to start looking for some 'in heat' cats to have near you while you're trying to go to sleep.



SOME NOTES ON GUATEMALA AND HONDURAS

Within both countries, not many people seem to smoke openly.  It could be a religious thing but perhaps the price of cigarettes (double to triple some countries in SE Asia) keeps people from using them.

Moza is a dark, though not bitter Guatemalan beer popular with Logan.

For somewhere around $150 per week, you can live with a family and take four hours a day of Spanish lessons.  Eventually, this might happen but for now the Laziness Monster is winning.

As with many countries in which the natives don't really understand counterfeiting, old wrinkled bills are often not taken.  They want crisp, fresh and perhaps newly minted ones.

Maximum from ATM machines (both countries) seems to be about 200 USD.  That sucks when you have to pay charges each time you withdraw money.

The cheap meals in both countries (3 small tacos or one extremely deflated burrito) runs around 1.50 USD.

The countries in South America (Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador and Nicaragua) once upon a time had a little agreement where you could travel within all of them as though they were one country for a grand total of three months.  For whatever reason, Honduras said 'fuck it' and quit.  Hence, you can go to the other countries for a total of almost three months, duck into Honduras and hey presto get a three month visa.  There is only one little problem with that.  The other countries count Honduras as 'still in'.  When you leave Honduras, they will tell you your visa expired long ago and probably fine you.  The only way out of Honduras overland is sadly through one of the countries still playing this strange game.  If you really need to prolong your visa, check with the expats there - they've got some sort of system involving Mexico down.

While I was in San Pedro, I discovered it was possible to go to another town along the same lake via tuk tuk for 10Q (about 1.25 USD).  Despite the stories of tuk tuk drivers taking their passengers out into the wilderness, killing them and reanimating their corpses to fill their ever growing armies of the undead I went anyway.  San Juan was nice.  Not all that great, but nice.  Didn't have the charm of San Pedro.  Did a bit of walking around and couldn't find a hotel anywhere near the city center.  Later, I heard there was stuff down near the lake but the town didn't look interesting enough to hold my attention for more than a couple hours.

After deciding that San Pedro was nice but not quite cheap enough to save money (too many expat temptations there) I decided to go to Copan Ruinas - right over the border in Honduras.  The five or so hour shuttle ride was hellish.  To continue on toward the Bay Islands, home of scuba diving, will require passing through San Pedro Sula - aka 'Murder Town'.  According to wiki travel, they have three homicides a day.  Hopefully, none of them will be Logan.  While it is easy to say "Well, duh, avoid the town" it's not really possible.  It is a major transportation hub.

Wish I'd not read up any on Guatemala and other countries before coming here.  They make it sound scary as fuck.  It's not.  Bit like living near the worse areas of any town.  Sing it "In the ghetto..."!  Keep your wits and don't get shanked.  Leave bling layin around and it be walkin'.  I'm going back to my hood roots yo.

When I crossed over the border from Guatemala to Honduras, it seemed to get more brown.  Not sure why, it rains plenty in Honduras as well.

Neither country seems to really lower prices during the off season.  Might be part of the reason they don't have more off season business.



NERO PLAYING (This is the LARP, live action roleplay.  If you have no interest in this, skip to next section for pricing in Guatemala and Honduras.)

Disclaimer:  These are all my views.  If you have your own views you can either leave them in the comments section or start your own blog.

Since I get asked from time to time how to play NERO, I thought I'd put some of my advice here so I can simply refer others to this.

There are four kinds of healers:

Templars (they heal themselves):  Don't play until 25th or 35th level.  Being a templar before then means you suck at two different occupations.

Circle healers:  These are usually out of shape people - like me - who sit around the healing circle.  You bring people to them for healing - they don't or can't come to you in time.  This is the class to play for the obese or crippled.  Or those who can't throw.  Again, like me.

Bind-O-Mancers:  These are the people who either chuck chaos or pin/web/bind/confine.  These guys work on taking out monsters.  Sadly, because most plot teams suck at statting monsters, these don't exist that often due to the high number of resists/returns/immune monsters have.

Backpacks:  These are arguably the hardest healers to play and probably the most valuable.  These are the guys who are attached permanently to ONE fighter.  They cast a magic armor on the fighter just as a monster is calling a slay then they call the defense for the magic armor for the fighter.  They pump small amounts of healing into the fighter - just enough to keep him up.  While the fighter in front of them ALWAYS has a sword and board (sword and shield) don't backpack those who don't - you usually lose.   The fighters job is simple.  Never back up and run over the healer.  Never sprint away from the healer.  Just keep swinging those 10's and catch everything thrown at you - never dodge.  The healer should be calling their defenses and fixing everything that goes wrong with them.  A good backpack keeps the fighter going almost indefinitely.

Do's:

A good healer NEVER carries a weapon.  Their weapon is the fighter.  Carrying a weapon slows casting and changes the focus of the healer from casting to ineffectually fighting.  If you want to find a shitty healer, look for one who carries a weapon.  Carrying a two handed weapon (example a 2H staff) in this game system is the mark of a wildly incompetent healer.  If they tell you 'it's for blocking' or some such it is a sign they don't get the game of NERO.

A good healer always keeps count of how many people go out on a mod then counts again when returning.

A good healer always just throws healing at someone rather than uses healing arts.  If a cure light doesn't get them back up, check if they are dead and ask for 'visible effects'.  But first use a cure light or '10 elemental healing' - they might be a couple seconds from dead.  If they call a 'shield magic' hit them again with the same.

A good caster (any) always double taps the target.  If someone casts one spell then waits to see what the call is, they are incompetent.

When any caster first starts out, they don't have many spells or body.  They get to either whine they have no spells or do the 'crap jobs'.  Crap jobs include, force feeding people with 'cure light wounds' potions, gathering packets and giving them to other casters and soaking slays instead of letting them hit the fighters.  Example:  If a healer has 5 HP and something throws a 100 point slay, you have the option of either healing 100 HP of the fighters damage or a cure light on the healer and hey, they are back to almost full HP.

A good healer never heals someone who is up and walking around.  Someone with 1 HP swings just as hard as if they are at full HP.  It is better to let a circle healer get them back to full later and save your healing spells for keeping them going.  The fighter will bitch but tough.  I've seen people who have only 20 body wanting to get healed to full.  That shows they don't know how to play NERO.

A good NERO player always travels to different chapters and learns from their best PC's.  Otherwise, they don't learn how the game is played.  People who never travel inevitably become lame and clickish over time.  Not sure why, that's just how it happens.



COSTS

Cheap meal, 1.50 USD
Cigarettes, 3 USD
Regular meal, 8 USD
Drink at a bar, 1.50 USD
Water, liter, about 1.10 USD
Coffee (not as good as you think it should be for central America), 1.10 USD
Boat across lake to different town, 25Q.  Health and safety nightmare.  If it sinks, you die.
Shuttle, San Pedro to Copan via Antigua (with mandatory sleep over and a three mutherfucking AM wake up), 200Q.
Room in Copan with detached walk through the rain if you want to use it in the middle of the night bathroom and shower, 10 USD after haggling.

WHERE YOU BEEN FAT BOY?

Hillbillies vs Hicks vs Rednecks

One of the questions I've been asked quite often has been "What is the difference between hillbillies, hicks and rednecks?"

I suspect that the answer will vary depending on who is asked.

One answer was given by Jack who is starring in some of the videos below:

"Rednecks farm, hicks collect trash and hillbillies marry family."  (Meaning brothers marry their sisters, etc.)

From Brian the answer we get is:

"Hillbillies are born, rednecks are by choice.  Hicks exist everywhere - there are so many different types."


And from my friend Kevin, who is a hick, he says it's regional as to which someone is.  See 'Cooler Corn' videos below.



BIT OF CONVERSATION

Seth P. and I were talking:

Logan:  "My parents had some of their friends over.  They told me to be 'charming'.
Seth P (laughing):  "Do they know who you are?"
Logan:  "They really don't."



Welcome to the world

And, once you're in it:

NERO STORY

In NERO, it seems that lots of people want to 'become nobility'.  Usually, this is a sign of 'raging ego'.  They like other players bowing and scraping.  I've never been into this.   The only reason I made Lumsie any sort of nobility was it fit into the story.  Because it was 'from another dimension', it was rarely taken at all seriously.  So I'm at the NERO event and the head of the Bloodguard (can't remember his name, I called him 'the Captain') had pretty much taken over NERO Nebraska.  He stopped by with all of his players and said "Bow to Lumsie!"  They all did.  I was feeling pretty awkward and uncomfortable till I looked over at Derek Jones (playing Blizzard) who had a WTF look on his face.  That made it all worthwhile.



WHERE YOU BEEN FAT BOY?

Apologizes to the readers of this blog for not posting much during "Logan's Home Invasion".

While in the USA, I didn't do 'tourist things'.  I met up with a lot of very cool, kind individuals.  Honestly, my interactions with them were of huge interest to me - but not so much to people who don't know them.  Also, since I'm in their homes, didn't want to breech their privacy with my 'unique' reporting style.  It felt good to take a vacation from my...er...vacation?  Lifestyle?

And now, the thank yous...

Thanks to the trip coordinators within each state for working their asses off coordinating stays and rides.

A heartfelt thank you for all of the people I stayed with who provided time, effort, food, alcohol, cigarettes and in some cases even paid for my NERO events.  They went so far above and beyond the call of duty - or even common hospitality - that it blows my mind.  My favorite activity was sitting around and getting to know you all better.

Thanks to the NERO chapters who comped my events and to those who made me feel at home.  Although I really don't 'play' NERO any more, the chance to meet up with other NERO players, tell stories, train, and, in the few cases where the plot teams had any flexibility, to get people involved with a 'Lumsie story' was a lot of fun.

For those who don't know what a 'Lumsie story' is:  It's been over a decade (?) since I've played NERO.  For some unknown reason, stories involving Lumsie (my character at NERO) are still going round the campfire.  It is weird being a celebrity - even in such a limited way.  For those who don't know what NERO is, it is a LARP.

Almost everyone I stayed with is a NERO player.  When you get involved with NERO, it is joining a new family.  A huge, strange, dysfunctional and at times incestuous family - but a good family nonetheless.  It's a family I'm proud to be in.

PS:  If I missed anyone in my thank you's, let me plead pre-Alzheimer's.



FOOD WITHIN AMERICA

Warning to my readers not from 'Merica.

The food there doesn't do you any favors.

It's very good going in...  But...

I don't know if it's that it is all 'Frankenfood' but it was worse on me than street vendor food in NW India.  Considering that I ate either homemade or small non-fast food restaurant food exclusively, this is alarming.



STRANGE STUFF

It's very strange to be a world traveler.  This is so far outside of many people's lives they just can't really grasp it.  Or don't care.  Honestly, I expected to be quizzed a lot more about my travels than I was.  Instead, many conversations went like this:

Host:  "So, you're a world traveler."
Logan:  "Yes."
Host:  "I have a cat named Tibbles."

And we talk about their cat.  Very odd.



HEADED TO GUATEMALA

I flew on Spirit Air.  For some reason, they wanted 'proof of onward transport'.  This is not required by the countries I'm visiting.  I suspect it has something to do with the OCD displayed by air carriers.  Beware of it and have a fake ticket prepared.

Since wiki was full of scary shit about Guatemala, I decided to first visit the protect tourist place of Antigua Guatemala (Old Guatemala).   From the airport, it was only 80Q (about 10 USD) for a nice shuttle ride.  Passing through the capital, there seemed to be nothing of interest other than poverty and desperation.

It is more expensive in Antigua Guatemala but it should provide a good way to settle back into traveling.  The hotel room I've got seems fine though I may have discovered what I call 'fun and games' (aka shenanigans) being done by the hotel to charge extra money not on the bill.  Got to check it out.  If so, I'll move and put up an unfavorable review of 'Posada Juma Ocag'.  We'll see how it goes.

Haven't seen anything in 'Antigua' that seems to be a reason for tourists to come here.  Very baffling.  Perhaps it is a center point for exploring Guatemala.  Not sure.  Hell, there don't seem to be many tourists around.  Much less than say Kathmandu.   What they do have is a lot of guards and police armed with pistol gripped, pump action shot guns and wary looks as well as bars on every window.

Yippie ki yay.



VIDEOS

Beach
Magic Show
Cookout
Cookout 2 - the reckoning
Mini-house
Torturing Children
Tonia the Tour Guide
Unfriendly Plant
Tonia the Musician
Tonia the Witch
Whose Momma's little...
Cooler Corn 1 & 2 (yes, it was delicious)
Call Her Boo
Real Juggling

JUST VIDEOS

OFFENSIVE?

VIRGINIA AND GUNS

Be sure to check out Around Pizza for all your pizza needs.  I'm betting they don't get robbed much.



VIDEOS

Park Fun
Reaction to South Park 
TJ Environment (warning, pretty dark picture)
Frisbee Golf 1, 2
Video Games
Norfolk
Get off my lawn!
Screw walking
What's this for?
Travis Frogger

LOGAN'S HOME INVASION

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Innkeeper:  I hope the child isn't making too much noise.
Logan:  Don't worry - the noise they make is only one of the two reasons I don't want to have kids.
Innkeeper:  (pause)  You don't like children?
Logan:  Their little voices cut through my soul like broken glass.  Other than that, they're fine.
Innkeeper:  (smiles uncertainly)  So kid no problem?
Logan:  None for me thanks, none of that immaculate conception rubbish either.  If I end up being someone's father I want my five seconds of joy in return for eighteen years of suffering.
Innkeeper:  I don't understand you.
Logan:  I get that a lot - even in America.



FES AIRPORT NOTE

They have two different money changers.  The government one you must produce a receipt showing you got money out of the ATM or a receipt of exchange in order to use them.  The non-government one, you grab your ankles.



CONDOR AIRWAYS

You check in either via telephone (ancient tech) or online.  For online check in, you are required to reserve your seat.  According to the website, if you don't check in two  hours or more before your flight, they threaten you with losing your seat.  Online, the seat reservation is either a 'joker' reservation where they put you in any seat they want for 5 EUR or pick a seat for 15 EUR.  I picked a seat away from everyone else and ended up getting two seats for the ten hour flight. Worth it.

Also, unlike Ryan Air, Condor was very helpful in the terminal and printed off my boarding pass.  Condor Air seemed much nicer to deal with.

If you are too lame to carry standard headphones, Condor Air is happy to rent you some to watch the in flight movies for 3.50 EUR.



AIRPORT NOTES

Sitting and people watching at an airport is a good time.  I lost count of how many people I saw sprinting through the airport, apparently late for their plane.  Even a couple people who completely missed it.  Why more people don't show up several hours early when they have so much money riding on the line is a mystery.



FRANKFORT AIRPORT NOTES

They have two different airports.  One is Hahn which is no where close to Frankfort and the other is Frankfort International Airport.

For 14 EUR, you can take a pretty comfortable bus between the two for the couple hour drive.

While on this bus, I met up with a German girl who is 'from' and has lived in more nations than I can remember.  We chatted until she literally fell asleep.  If I were able to strike up conversations with pretty girls this easily when I was young, I'd have been a menace.



ARRIVAL IN THE STATES

First thing in the states, I told the people at customs I was 'jonesing for a cigarette'.  They informed me smoking on airport grounds was an 'arrestable offence' and this late at night all of the taxis were gone so I'd have to walk off airport grounds to have a smoke.   I made dismaying noises and they all had a good laugh at my expense.

This is good because they were so busy laughing they didn't search my bags.  I had 'a few' extra cigarettes and my meds which might have otherwise been seized.

For those wondering, yes, I intentionally fed them that straight line.



ORLANDO AIRPORT NOTES

Homeland security seems to have taken over the airports and is now making people remove their shoes and hop into the "I can see you naked" machine in order to continue justifying their huge budget.



NOTE ON TRAVEL DISTANCES IN THE USA

For my European friends, a good example why you need a vehicle:  My friend Tim lives approximately 50 KM away from where he regularly shops.  Bit too far to comfortably walk.  Everything in America (aside from in the big cities) is a ways away.



RACIAL PROFILING

My friend Tim was wearing a Ghutra (traditional Arabic head wrap) because he likes it and during the summer it keeps your head cool.

We were approaching a Chinese restaurant to see if it was still open.  As we walked toward it, we both heard a 'click' from the door of Stafford Ballet Academy.

They locked the fucking door in fear we might think about entering.

It wouldn't surprise me if the proprietor was hiding behind the counter, frantically dialing 911.



BIG BAG WEIGHT

Bloated up to 16.7 KG.  I'm going to dump a bunch of stuff very soon.

In the US, it was 36.5 LBS.  I looked shocked and protested - so used to kilos.  "It's in American." she explained.  Yes, welcome back to  the land of obsolescent measuring systems.



PARENTAL IRONY

When I told my parents I was going to Central and South America, they immediately warned me of drug cartels.  In Morocco, one of the cities I visited (Essouara?  The 'Blue City')  actually produces one quarter of all the hash consumed in the world.



PHILOSOPHY

Why was the person who invented 'babble headed dolls' allowed to live?

On idealistic 18-20 year olds and those who 'want to save the world':  "Kind of like watching someone paint their house with water colors.  It's amusing and a little sad.  You know that after the first big rain, most of it will be swept away and that the whole thing is ultimately fruitless."



QUOTES

(From Dave, Tim Van Theemsche's friend):  "If you do meet Logan, you'll know why Tim is the way he is."

Touching!



VIDEOS

Weaving in Fes

And, from America:
Swing Hat
American Dream
Malls explained 1, 2, 3, 4
Sunlight hurts
Tim in native environment



COSTS

Duty free cigarettes (on Condor Air), 39.50 EUR in a 'two for one' deal.  I'd heard smokes were 8 USD per pack.  In Virginia (tobacco growing state) they are 5 USD per pack.

In USA:

Beer, in restaurant, on sale, approx .3 liter, 3 USD
Lunch special (two meals of food), $11

Note, in the USA how they keep the herd fat is they offer insane deals like "If you want half an order (of food) it is $8 - full sized order is $9."  For a 16 oz (?) drink it is 1.49 USD.  Double the size, 1.69 USD.  Americans have no chance.

POOP

POOP

Asked the guy at the hotel I'm staying at for more toilet paper.

Guy: "You want more toilet paper?"
Logan: (pause) "I like to poop."

                                                             EVERYBODY POOPS!



CAMEL BURGER

Just got done eating a 'camel burger'.

Real camel meat.  It's not just a name.

For those wondering what 'camel' tastes like, to me it was a rough sort of meat with a slightly 'curdled' taste which mustard helps with.

It is understandable why this hasn't caught on like our friend the cow, but if you're in the desert with an extra camel it would make some fine eating.  Especially compared with sand.

BTW - the salad is an IQ test.  If you eat it, you have failed.  For those wondering why, ask yourself what water they use to wash it off...  Hint:  not bottled.  So, yes the salad is probably healthy for you but is it worth the risk of 1-3 days sitting on the toilet with 'traveler's tummy'?

While I was at the Clock Cafe, I met up with a group of Americans there studying Classical Arabic.  Why they would go to Morocco (which speaks Moroccan Arabic) to study Classical is a complete mystery to me.  It's kind of like going to Brazil to learn Spanish.  Sure, you can learn it there but they don't normally speak it there and many other countries do.

In addition to this baffling behavior, one of the girls was excitedly babbling about being half an hour away from anyone she knew in a country she did not speak the language of.  Clearly, she and I have different definitions of 'adventure'.



WHY THEY DON'T EAT CAT'S AND DOGS

Found out this is against religious law.  Not eating of cats and dogs specifically but eating any animal which eats the flesh of another is prohibited.  If the chickens had learned about that years ago they could have saved themselves a lot of grief.



UNDERCOVER POLICE

Unknown to Logan, undercover police prowl around keeping tourists kind of safe.  They will make sure you don't get assaulted.  No problem with you getting scammed and pestered but they will keep you from getting beaten or killed.  Morocco knows that protecting its tourist trade is important.



PRICES FROM GREECE

My friend Conner is traveling in Greece and sent back these prices:

Bottle of ouzo: 8.50€
Waterfront dinner: 12-20€
Nice Dinner off the waterfront: 5-10€
Mid range hotel for 1: 20-30€
2 bed dorm: 12€ (where I'm staying)
Dessert: 3-6€
4 apples, 4 carrots, 4 sesame honey bars: 5€
They seem to have an amount that is preset as the locals' bargained price (usually 15-25% less) if you are willing to act a bit.



PRICES (FES)

Camel Burger (Clock Cafe), 95 MAD
Almond Shake (interesting), 20 MAD
Note, the Clock Cafe staff expect 10% gratuity - and it actually seems to go to the staff...

YE GODS I'M STILL IN FES

FES

The machines within the old city dispense only up to 2000 MAD.  If you have to expose your 'rusty sheriffs badge' to your bank every time you withdraw money (like me) then take care of that within the new town where you can withdraw up to 4000 MAD.  The taxi ride both ways will be approximately 20-25 MAD on the meter.

The metered, regulated 'petite' taxis are unable to go to the airport.  This inconveniently lies just outside of the city of Fes.  Therefore, you are stuck taking the overpriced 'grande taxi' for 120-150 MAD.  If you want to save a couple dirham, take the petite taxi to the train station.  From there, it is reported a cheap bus sometimes goes to the airport.



MOROCCO ON DRUGS

You get offered drugs several times a day.  In one of the cities I was in, I had a conversation with a tourist about it.

Tourist:  "You want some hash?"
Logan:  "Thanks, but I'm really not interested in spending time in a Moroccan prison."
Tourist:  "Hash is legal in Morocco."
Logan:  "Really?  What's your source?"
Tourist:  "Really - it's legal."
Logan:  "Good to hear - but again, what is your source?"
Tourist:  "Um.  The guy who sold me the hash."

I just stared at him like he was stupid.  Don't know because doesn't want to know...



DEATH AND REBIRTH OF THE NETBOOK

My netbook was demanding a systems administrator with a boot disc so I took it down to Abdulla's Computer Shop for him to take a look.  After waiting an hour and a half in front of the shop (confusing the Moroccans) he showed up and tinkered with it for five minutes, charged me 50 MAD and I was on my way.

Were I in the USA, I'd still need to get it fixed to strip the information off it and stick it into a new laptop.

Fuck netbooks.  Never buy a netbook.  You can't play games.  If you're a tourist, you may not have time but as a long term traveler, time is not your enemy.  You need the games.

When I get to the states, I'm going to see if I can afford a new laptop and perhaps get my computer expert friend, Bert, to help me select one.  I'm not sure if he reads this blog but as I type this statement I wonder if he feels that someone has walked on his grave.

When I buy the laptop, I want to paint the top of it some sort of unwholesome color.  Where's your resale value now, bitch?  Planning ahead for thieves.



STRAY CATS

Strays in Fes seem to be 'city supported' pets.  People put out food for them, make homes for them and so on.  To my eyes, this seems very odd indeed.  Especially when there are so many beggars and such.



MOROCCAN ARABIC

This is a pretty weird dialect of Classical Arabic.  It incorporates French, Berber and lots of slang.

Berber itself has three (or more?) distinct dialects.

Here, Classical Arabic is taught in schools and is considered the 'administrative language'.

Every day in Morocco, you get to speak a mixture of English, French, Spanish, Arabic, Moroccan Arabic, etc.



TOUR GUIDES SUCK

Aside from my earlier rants on tour guides, they really suck.  Every day, they gather like priests before the alter of money at the gate to the medina and attempt to either guide or scam (depending if they have their government card - most don't) groups of silly tourists.

A group of three girls was looking like they were lost and I asked if they were looking for a place to stay.  Their price was lower than the one I was at so I couldn't help and move on.  One of the unlicensed 'guides' (read as a multi-lingual beggar) yelled at me helping tourists was not my job.  I laughed at him and moved on.  What a great bunch.  This is why God invented flame throwers.

It is touts like these why there is no camaraderie between tourists in countries like this...

Disclaimer:  I have met some qualified, professional, polite tour guides.  Usually, these are hired well before I see them and potentially before the people have entered the country.  They are expensive but if you are into tour guides, worth it.  Don't use the crap you find loitering around the gate if you are the kind of person who is too lazy to use wiki or just really wants a guide.



GESTURES

Preface - any time I discuss hands, I am talking only about the right hand.  The left hand is not used for anything other than wiping your ass and maybe carrying packages.  That's about it.

A very common gesture people often make when greeting/leaving someone is placing your hand on your heart.  Loosely translated, 'from the heart'.

Sometimes, people will move as if to kiss the hand when it is shaken and the other person usually pulls it away before it can be kissed.  As near as I can tell, the potential kisser is showing extreme affection, the other person is doing the equivalent of 'oh please'...



CRAP FOR SALE

One size fits nobody.  They mass produce the same crap and it's all the same size.  To me this is baffling.  Why are all hats the same size?



BUSINESS CARDS OR BUST

It is amazing how many hotels and hostels either have never thought of business cards or make lame excuses ('we just ran out' is popular) for not having any.  In many countries like Morocco, tourists 'do' the country by traveling to the same half dozen spots.  Clever places have plenty of business cards for tourists to exchange.  Others wonder why they don't have enough business.  Strange.



VIDEOS

Some friends of mine have a daughter named Jaylea.  She just turned twelve years old.  As a small present, I made some lovely videos suitable for children.  1, 2, 3, 4, 5...   (Note, for the slow of thinking those are links to five separate videos...)  While it is true they may be considered somewhat 'Loganesque', they contain no profanity.  Weird, I know.

A special thanks to Conner for help with filming and acting.  No, I don't think this is enough to get your own IMDB page.  Sorry.



COSTS

Ride to the airport:  120 to 150 MAD

Coffee, 6 MAD.  Note, it is always served in very small portions and doesn't seem much stronger than typical American coffee.

Minor computer fix, 50 MAD

Excellent straight razor shave, 20 MAD (+5 MAD tip).  The barber was actually very surprised at how much younger I looked with a shave.  I imagine in the states I will look pretty ancient as I refuse to shave myself any more.

EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH MIDGETS

WANDERING FES, MOROCCO

Conner and I were wandering around Fes, looking for places for Logan to sit and smoke as well as gifts for Conner to take to his loving family.  He had thought about purchasing a nifty Berber knife for his father.  Unfortunately, the quality is very substandard and most of the ones he examined were stamped 'made in Sweden'.  These things failed to impress Conner.

Therefore his father must cry himself to sleep every night for a year due to having no nifty Berber knife.

Note that because I can neither afford the weight (flying...) nor the cost I am unable to get gifts.  Sorry.

We then decided to go to the famous Fes tanneries we'd read so much about with another tourist we'd met.  The first place told us that the short walk up to the tannery was free but we were required to purchase some item.  What a scam.  The second place had no such restriction.

For a tannery, it stank much less than people would have you believe.  I'm not sure what kind of pansies they write the guide books for but I've smelled much worse.  Hell, a live donkey smells worse.

Shop keepers in Fes range between 'professionally nice' to 'complete dicks'.  One shop keeper told me I had a 'bad heart' because he didn't have a belt as long as I was looking for to wear 'Mexican Bandito' style.  I'd argue that if I had a flame thrower and burned him and his shop down then he could say I have a 'bad heart'.  Wish I had a flame thrower so much...

After manually burning down the shop, we continued our tour of the bazaars.  Everyone has pretty much the same crap.  On the surface, goods may appear to be creative but in actuality there seems to be almost no creativity in this part of the world.  Perhaps centuries ago there was but everyone is still making exact copies of that stuff since.  The prices they sell goods for vary wildly.  A scarf that was 250 MAD in one stall was a mere 50 MAD in another.

The lack of the 'creative gene' seems to extend to food as well.  In general there are four different types of food: 'couscous', a very filling rice dish; 'tangine', stuff baked in a unique clay pot'; meat on sticks and some pie thing with meat inside.  That's about it.  Really.  Everything else is a bad impression of foreign food.

Disclaimer: There may be a wildly creative Moroccan person somewhere.  Haven't yet seen any evidence of them.

Since Conner was flying out the next day, we went looking for a place with better wifi for Logan to live in.  Since I've got to stay over a week here, I decided insanity was a possibility without wifi.  We came across a very out of the way place hidden within the maze known as the 'Medina' (old city).  Compared to the dump we'd stayed in it was palatial.  The usual bargaining and such ensued and ended satisfactorily for all.  The owner demanded and received a down payment for the 'reservation'.

Showing up the next day, I discovered the very nice room I'd reserved was unavailable.  Rather than arguing with the brother I cooled my heels until the lady who I'd spoken with previously returned.  When speaking to the brother and son, odd stories emerged about the guest - how it was the parents or perhaps another guest.  When this sort of situation arises, always speak with the person you'd spoken to previously or get your money back and walk away.

The proprietress returned and put me in a different room for one night at a reduced cost which happened to match the amount I'd left for a down payment.  Promises were made that I'd get the great room at the previously agreed on price once the other guest had moved out.



CONNER QUOTE

(To Logan) "You've corrupted me way too much."



DUO QUOTE

Logan:  "Midgets are better than normal people."
Conner:  "They have all of the goodness of normal people compounded.  It's a question of volume."



PICK UP LINE  (Untested...)

"Lets fuck on a pile of skulls, the way God intended."



WHAT TO DO ABOUT FOLLOWERS

Sometimes you are walking around and a guy wants to attach himself to you or your group to act as an unplanned for tour guide.  The easiest way to ditch him is to either completely ignore him or stop walking and stare menacingly at him every time he tries to walk with you.  Both are considered rude but since this guy is basically a glorified beggar you should take firm action to ditch him.  Sometimes, they curse at you and tell you that if you don't want to talk to Moroccan men, you should have stayed in your own country.  Generally, they are scheming, evil, angry cocksuckers who should have been arrested by the police.  Whatever you do, don't give them money or you may never be rid of them.



ON HAGGLING

If you're not a 'hard bargainer' - or worse yet one of those namby pamby people who don't haggle because it makes them feel uncomfortable, guilty or they are too lazy to - you are regarded by the locals as a 'rich moron with money to burn'.  Amazing how many of them there are around Morocco.



FUN FRENCH FACT

The word for fish is 'poisson'.  Considering how close that is to 'poison', it well illustrates Logan's views on fish.



VIDEOS

Alambra Fortress 1, 2, 3, 4
Conner Capture
Marakesh (Morocco) Market 1, 2
Smell O Vision
Exit from Casablanca
Wake Up in Chefchawen
The Sams



COSTS (Fes)

Coffee and tea, 5 to 10 MAD.   By tradition, the mint tea is served in a sticky, dirty glass.

Room, grotty, 75 MAD/night/person

Room, nicer, 100 MAD/night/person

Room, a little nicer, 125 MAD/night/person including breakfast.  Note, this is an actual breakfast, not the old cereal and toast crap that flies as breakfast in Europe.

Laundry service (with subtle bargaining), 30 MAD

Airport shuttle (though there may be a significant walk with gear uphill out of the Medina involved), 150 MAD

Meal, average, 50-100 MAD including a non-alcoholic drink.

OUTSOURCING SUICIDE

MOROCCO NOTES

Conner and I had an experience considered very unusual even by Moroccans.  In Esauaria, we had little girls yelling 'fuck you' and throwing rocks at us.

The running joke is getting knifed.  "Sheek!"  There are a lot of times this is used, especially dead end allies.

Prices in Morocco are normally 20% to 50% of the initial asking price, depending on the object you are buying and how good you are at haggling.

A tangeen is a clay dish with a special cover over it.  Conner feels that most of Morocco smells like a mixture of tangeen and cat piss fermented together.

It's a constant struggle to get small bills here.  The big denomination bills are larger so it is possible to hide the smaller ones inside.  When they see only the large ones, they will give you change - but if they spot the small ones, they will demand them.  They do this despite having plenty of small change and the possibility of losing the sale by doing so.  I've no idea why.

Watch your ass if you drive here.  They have cops and speeding traps everywhere.

As with locals of most countries, it is better to speak with ones you have initiated conversation with.  If they approach you, the end result is usually to part you and your money.



CASABLANCA

From the time we arrived till the time we departed this cursed city, I had a very bad feeling about it.

The city itself is an odd contrast of slums dotted with four star hotels.

We got lucky upon arrival and met a tourist in a restaurant named James who took us to the kind of hotel you suspect is haunted by the ghosts of winos.   Fortunately, it was cheap.

There are hotels you worry about getting robbed in.  Others you worry about getting murdered in.  This one you worry about getting possessed by evil spirits in.

Both Conner and I hated Casablanca so much that we agreed watching movies would be a much better use of our time.  We watched the movie Casablanca and agreed that was a much better version than reality even though it was black and white and filled with Nazis.  Conner seemed to enjoy the movie "Top Secret" quite a bit and I was pleased to watch it subtly destroy parts of his brain.

In the actual Casablanca, the only people not yelling at you are ones trying to scam you.  The scammers may yell later, however.  Everyone seemed very angry about having to live there.

We got to watch the beginnings of a fist fight and possible riot after a small fender bender.

The entire time we were there, the sky was overcast and sullen, much like the staff at the place we stayed.  At night, the C.H.U.D.s came out, hungry for human flesh.

Avoiding this city will enhance your Moroccan experience.



THE ATTEMPTED TOILET PAPER HEIST

Conner and I were walking along, minding our own business.  When we got close, one guy started yelling at another and threw a stone in his direction to 'chase him off'.  The guy bumped into me and made a grab for my toilet paper.  Since Logan is a paranoid, suspicious sort, I kept my eighty cents of toilet paper away from the potential snatch artist.  He ran on and we glared at the initiator as we passed.



HOSTEL REVIEWS

Green Milk Hostel (Esauaria):  This hostel was built for and by hippies and upon hippy ideals.  Staying here you very much feel the 'love fest'.  Unfortunately, the walls were either made or painted with something that crumbles to the touch so your bed always feels sandy.  The guitar and bongo drum noises generally end around one in the morning.  The hosts love their work and love having you there.  They make a cheap (15 MAD) breakfast and dinner (35 MAD) so you can live there inexpensively.  This is restaurant quality food in a lively atmosphere.  I recommend booking ahead as it is likely to be full of hippies.  Conner and I would both stay here again.


Federatoion Royale Marocaine des Auberges de Jeunes (Casablanca):  70 MAD dorm room or 150 MAD for a room with two beds.  Bring your own toilet paper as they don't bother to stock any.  Dubious cleanliness and the people working there have long ago lost any interest in being nice or enjoying their work.  After dealing with the dust from the long un-aired room sleep came in the huge echoing building.  Breakfast is included but best avoided.

Picture by Conner Schweitzer of the wonderful showers in this hotel.  They inexplicably turn off the water for a couple hours every day, possibly to allow the cockroaches to breed.



OUTSOURCING SUICIDE

When someone commits suicide, the pain is left with the survivors.  They go through their lives with the hole left by the departed.

No longer.

Now, you can outsource to India for the person.  Lets say someone named (for example) named Jack Grey kills himself.  Now, from India, you can get a new Jack Grey.  He will be trained in (very) basic English, the the approximate size of Jack Grey, wear his clothing and live in his room.

India has many spare people.  It's a natural fit.



THE LOGAN TRAVEL COURSE

Obviously, this can't go on inside western Europe - much too easy there to travel.  You need to take it to a little rougher country where they haggle and such.

The course itself takes about a week and Conner has been kind enough to break down some of the realizations a person makes while being trained:

Day 1 & 2:  Logan is the smartest traveler on the planet.

Day 3 to 5:  The curtain begins to be pulled back.  Logan seems 'slightly eccentric'.

Day 6:  You learn Logan is not actually fluent in many languages.

Day 7:  You learn to apologize for Logan's behavior in the local language.  The realization hits that Logan stumbles through his travels using a mixture of humor and being a dick.



HAGGLING

When the person you are haggling with starts to foam at the mouth, you are getting close to the price.  Also, remember that no matter how low you go, they won't sell it to you if they don't make a profit.



CONNER QUOTES

"We are going to do that - despite if Logan is not inclined to do it.  Especially if he is inclined not to.

(To Logan)  "You're probably  the worst person to be sitting behind the (bus) driver."



LOGAN QUOTES

"Is it considered necrophilia if they are brain dead or do they have to have no pulse?"  (Thanks to Kevin D. for keeping this one alive.)

"Travel is the stories of all of the horrible shit that happens to you.  Everything else is sightseeing."

"Part of travel is getting used to the shit you wouldn't stand for in your own country."



DUO QUOTES

Logan:  "Logan is best in small doses."
Conner:  "That's true.  I definitely had more respect for you in the beginning."



PHILOSOPHY

The limitations people put upon themselves always astound me.  Whereas in America, we destroy strays, they don't in Morocco.  If I was a beggar here starving in the street, I guarantee I'd eat meat every night.  And have a lot of hides to sell.

(From some guy I met on a bus)  "The difference between a traveler and a tourist is that a tourist wants to go back to his native land unchanged.  A traveler accepts the fact he may die in a foreign land."

(From a buy I met at a coffee shop)  "A traveler without information is like a bird without wings."



TRAVELER'S TIPS

Before leaving on a journey, haunt 'army surplus stores'.  Find bags and such that have no emblem on them - they are generally very sturdy.



COSTS (after haggling)

Jellabayah (robe), 200 MAD

Local buses, 4 MAD

Bus to a different town, generally 100-150 MAD

Four pack of cheap toilet paper, 7 MAD

FUCK RYAN AIR, FUCK IT IN IT'S GOAT ASS

RYAN AIR

While their prices show them as cheaper on line, they delight in finding ways to fuck you once you actually get to the airport and have no escape.  Didn't check in?  Didn't print your boarding pass?  Fuck you, pay 70 EUR.  Don't want to pay?  Can't fly.

The really sad thing is that I'd already booked another Ryan Air flight before finding out about their 'fun and games'.  After I get out of western Europe I'll be free of them - but probably not their spam.



MOROCCO

Fridays are pretty dead in Marikesh.  This is the day most shop keepers take off.  No clue why but they do.

Finding breakfast other than 'bread' is pretty much impossible.  To make matters worse, most of the decent meals aren't cooked until after noon.  Hence, if you have a hostel that serves some sort of breakfast, I recommend eating it rather than striking out for food.



LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON...

Was looking for bandannas in the market.

Logan: "What material is that?"
Seller:  "Cotton!"
Logan:  "Looks like polyester to me."
Seller:  "No!  It is cotton!"
Logan:  (Pulls out a lighter)  "You stand behind your wares?"
Seller:  (Dejected)  "No fire."

Polyester melts, cotton smolders.



DR WATSON, I PRESUME

While traveling with me, Conner has recorded several Logan quotes.  Here are a few:

"A lot of life is figuring out ways to justifying things to yourself."

"Travel (traveling skills) is just a lot of little shit."

"Why do all my fucking quotes have profanity in them?"

To the tourists:  "You know any good restaurants around here?"
Tourist:  "Yeah, there's one in the big bazaar."
Beggar:  "You want good restaurant?"
Logan:  "Nope."

"Because the tightrope is thin, fucking thin, you are only one bad day away from getting mugged, or shot, or having your corpse violated by a camel."

"They see us as poor, stupid or lost tourists...That's perfect!"

"You can always tell how old a woman is by if the dreams have died in her eyes."



CONNER QUOTES

"Logan has had to cultivate his humor just to counteract the amount of concentrated evil he has."

"What's mine is yours...And by that I mean 'don't touch my shit'."

"In the first five minutes of meeting Logan he referred to himself as a 'fat, evil bastard'.  Well, at least he isn't a liar...Oh - wait..."

"It's pretty much a constant state of Logan."



PRELIMINARY RESEARCH OF SOUTH AMERICA

Disclaimers:  This is by no means a conclusive list nor is it necessarily correct.  I went through hostelbookers.com and drew my information from that.  Not until I get to the country can I find out what the 'real deal' is.  Also, you must remember that the listings there are only by the computer literate people.  Since I want internet all the time, that's generally what I go for.

Formatting:  I've listed the country name followed by the name of the cities.  The number after the cities is the price in USD.  If I could not find anything close to my price range, I put an X.  That doesn't mean there isn't anything, just that it's not listed on hostelbookers.com.  Everything is a dorm room unless otherwise noted.  For the cost of a room, it generally seems to be a bit over twice that of a dorm.  Apparently, people are expected to travel in groups of two.

Note, if you feel I've missed something major and can find for sure the current price on the internet, let me know.  Or if I missed a major city of interesting stuff.  Note that I don't claim to yet know anything about central or south America.

Ecuador

Quito, 6-9
Ambato, X
Banos, 8
Cuenca, 9-10
Guayaquil, 10-11
Loja, X
Otavalo, 12 or 15 only
Ibarra, X
Riobamba, X


Venezuela

Nothing


Guyana

Nothing


French Guiana

Nothing


Colombia

Bogota, 7-10
Cali, 10-11
Cartagena, 12-17
Cucuta, X
Manizales, 12 or 20, limited at best
Medellin, 8-11
Pereira, only 1 at 12
Popayan, 10-11
Santa Marta, 6-11


Peru

Lima, 6-8
Cusco, 7-9
Puno, 7-
Arequipa, 6-8
Ollan, 6-12
Manchu Picchu, 12-15
Nazca, 6-12
Mancora, 10-12
Huachina, 4-7
Huaraz, 6-9


Brazil

Brasilia, X
Florianopolis, 12-13
Fortaleza, 10-13
Manaus, 8-12
Porto Alegre, 10-15
Recife, X
Rio De Janeiro, 8-12
Salvador (de Bahia?), 9-13
San Paulo, 13-14


Paraguay

Asuncion, 10
Bella Vista, X
Ciudad Del Este, X
Coronel Oviedo, 10-12 single room
Encaracion, 6, only one
San Bernadino, X


Chile

Santiago, 9-12
Concepcion, X
Iquique 12-15
La Serena, 17 or 20
Valparaiso, 12-14
Vina Del Mar, 12-15
Valdivia, 18-20
Punta Arenas, 16-17


Urugay

Aguas Dulces, X
Colonea Del Something, 14-16
Jose Ignacio, X
La Paloma, 13 or 20
La Pedrera, X
Montevideo, 10-12
Punta Del Diablo, 15-20
Punta Del Este, 13-20


Argentina

Buenos Aires, 8-9
Cordoba, 10-11
La Plata, 15-18
Mendoza, 10
Rosario, 11-12
Salta, 10
San Carlos de Something, X
San Juan,10-14
San Miguel De Something, X

CLOSING THOUGHTS ON GRENADA AND SPAIN

GRANADA

Here in Granada, got a pretty good hostel going - very comfortable and only six beds in the room. Unless it is a weekend, it's 10 EUR a night. Not bad. And I got very lucky and had another tourist direct me to a place where you can get an insane meal sized tapas for the cost of a drink (2 EUR).

Whoever told me 'Spain is cheap' has an odd version of what 'cheap' is. It's about the same cost as Berlin.

Tapas is generally between 1.50 and 2.50 euros.

Granada is 'pretty handicapped accessible' for those of you stuck in wheelchairs and stuff.

If you have bad allergies, you will die horribly here during cottonwood season.

For the biggest tapas in Granada - possibly the world - go to El Tabernaclo.  Nice.  One is pretty much a meal.  And it's only 2.5 EUR (small drink) or 4 EUR (large drink).  The size of the tapas has nothing at all to do with the size of drink you buy.



ALAMBRA

Within Granada, the 'cherry on top' is called 'Alambra'.  It is literally on top.  Up a big, fucking hill.  After several panting rest breaks we made the top.  At this point, I discovered a nice gentle road was behind it that I could have gotten a taxi up.  Irritating.  The irritating thing about this place is that only a certain number of visitors are allowed in per day.  My buddy Conner had gone very early and gotten the full ride ticket (roughly 13 EUR).  I showed up much later and got a ticket for about 8 EUR.  Little did I know that it allowed access to everything except one special place.  According to Conner, the special place was only worth it if you were really into the rest of the architecture.  As it was, I got burned out seeing stuff with an 8 EUR ticket.  My advice would be to pay for the big ticket if you can get it and to not stress it if you can't.  The place itself was an old garden for some monarch.  The actual garden was destroyed years ago and this one is fairly new - but they did a nice job with it so it's nice to see.

Within Alambra, you can see unlicensed guides plying their trade.  Real guides have special badges they wear around their necks.  If you get an unlicensed guide, they can't talk during many parts or they get busted.  They explain to gullible tourists that there is 'some problem'.

Naturally, Alambra is a 'tourist circus'...  Asian tourists come in packs of fifty plus.  No idea why, probably a cultural thing.

The days of the backward walking, loud talking tour guide are over.  These days, the tour guide wears a mic and everyone else one (sometimes two) headphones.

The whole concept of a tour guide has always baffled me.  I'd love to quiz people on the tour to see what percentage of information they actually retain.  If they got hit with a cattle prod for retaining under 10%, there would be a whole lot of stunned people.  Never had a tour guide myself, if there is interest wiki will tell me.  Haven't bothered to wiki though.  My strategy of 'bug the natives" seems to work well.  Disclaimer:  Someone like Pete H can take the tour once and recite it back.  I know.

For the really rich people there is 'Hotel America' right up next to Alambra.  Overheard that it is 400 EUR a night.  Wow.

As far as the town and all, it was a bit tame for me.



SPAIN

Spanish people like to keep their own schedule - even if they are working in the tourist parts of Spain.  Illogical and counter productive.

Drinking in Spain - not cheap.  Recommend a different country if you are wanting to get blotto...



MOVING ON

While I was in Spain, I met a guy named Conner.

He's a clever eighteen year old who is interesting in learning the art of long term travel.  It's his first time out of the USA.  While I don't really consider myself an expert, I do think I've developed some skills I'm happy to pass on.  We teamed up and have made our way to the more exotic Morocco.  Spain was way to blase for me.

Bit of danger should do him some good.

Hopefully, my visa will still be active when it is time to go back to Germany to fly out.  If it isn't, I'm fucked.  Stay tuned!



OTHER WEIRD STUFF

I got directions from a blind man.  Not kidding.  Sadly, Conner and Elenor were snickering in the background which threw it a bit.  I wasn't trying to be a dick, mind you.  Yes, I am a dick but I'm not normally one to mess with the blind but he got between me and the guy I was going to ask directions from.



PHILOSOPHY

Was talking to a girl who is living in Spain. She lives here in order to learn Spanish. I asked why, she didn't know.

Call me old fashioned but my first thought was 'Are you hoping to marry someone with a useful job?'

It's always amazing when I talk to people who are studying something because 'they like it' and have no plans on how it can become a useful career. And it often can't. Or doesn't. No plans, just taking what looks good at the moment.

True that I'm traveling that way but it's not really a good direction to go for a career...



TRAVELER'S TIPS

For those interested:  When I'm in Europe, this is how I now go about figuring out where I want to go and stay.

Step 1:  List all of the major tourist towns in my notebook.  These can be found on wikitravel.  I've found that in general the non-tourist towns a) are dull - not much to see in many of them b) actually cost more than the tourist towns simply because they don't have the infrastructure.  Where you can find several hostels in a city or major tourist town you can only find business class hotels in small out of the way places.  In short, they end up costing more and there is less to see.  Yes, the food and such is much cheaper but where you stay will always be a large percentage of your daily expense.

Step 2:  Go onto hostelbookers (or hostelworld, etc) and check out prices for the weekends.  Some hostels like to play underhanded games with the prices - raising them on the weekends, when there is only one room left, etc.  So I look for the 'worst case scenario'.   List the price range on the list of cities page.

Step 3:  Disregard any town that is out of my price range (unless it has something I REALLY want to see - haven't seen that yet but I'm allowing for it) and consider the remaining towns.

Step 4:  Read up on the towns or better yet, google them then select images.  That gives you a pretty good glimpse of the kinds of stuff you will probably see in that town or at least what other people thought was worth taking a picture of.  For example, I  was pondering going to Cordoba.  About a third or more of the pictures seemed to be stripped arches.  To me, this means it is the main thing people found interesting there - enough that a crap ton of people have taken pictures of it.  Do I care about 'stripped arches'?  Not enough to justify $20 per night just to sleep in a frigging dorm.

Step 5:  Figure out logical routes between the places you've priced.  If they are too far apart, figure out if there is anything in between and re-run the steps for some of those things to see if you can break up a long travel time.  In general, I don't suggest more than six hours on a bus or train - less if you are frail constitution or very old - like Tim Van Theemsche who has both.

There may be better ways to do this, but I haven't discovered them yet.  Wanted to put this up in hopes that it is of use to someone.

PLAYING JASON BOURNE

Right now, I've got seven different currencies on me.  Doubt I'll be able to get them exchanged for any reasonable price and who knows - I might be able to go back to some of those countries eventually.



WEIRD TERMS

Other travelers have used these terms:

"Logan style"
"Loganism"

This is funny as it's not the first time I've heard them from travelers without any prompting.

PRELIMINARY RESEARCH OF CENTRAL AMERICA

Disclaimers:  This is by no means a conclusive list nor is it necessarily correct.  I went through hostelbookers.com and drew my information from that.  Not until I get to the country can I find out what the 'real deal' is.  Also, you must remember that the listings there are only by the computer literate people.  Since I want internet all the time, that's generally what I go for.

Formatting:  I've listed the country name followed by the name of the cities.  The number after the cities is the price in USD.  If I could not find anything close to my price range, I put an X.  That doesn't mean there isn't anything, just that it's not listed on hostelbookers.com.  Everything is a dorm room unless otherwise noted.  For the cost of a room, it generally seems to be a bit over twice that of a dorm.  Apparently, people are expected to travel in groups of two.

Note, if you feel I've missed something major and can find for sure the current price on the internet, let me know.  Or if I missed a major city of interesting stuff.  Note that I don't claim to yet know anything about central or south America.


Mexico

Mexico City, 10-13
Acapulco, X
Cancun, X
Guadalajara, 9-13
Monterrey, 10-12
San Luis Portosi, X
Taxco, X
Tijuana, X


Belize

Nothing


Guatemala

Antigua, 5-9
Coban, 15
Guatemala City, 11-15
Lake Atitlan, 5-7
Livingston, 6-7
Panajachel, 8-12
Peten, X
Quetzaltenango, 10, not much there.
Tikal, X


El Salvator

Juayua, X
La Libertad, 9
Playa Sandiego, X
San Salvador, 8
Santa Ana, X


Honduras

Copan Ruinas, 5 dorm, 11 single
Roatan Island, 11, only 1 hostel
San Pedro Sula, X


Nicaragua

Esteli, X
Granada, 10, not many places
Jalapa, X
Jinotega, X
Leon, 6-12
Managua, 11, only one place
San Jorge, X
San Juan Del Sur, $15, not many places


Costa Rica

San Jose, 5-11
Cartago, X
Dominical, 11
Alajuela, 12-13
Heredia, 7-18
Liberia, X
Puerto Limon, X
Puntarenas, X
Quesada, X


Panama

Bocas Del Toro
Boquete, 9-11
David City, only one at 10
Los Santos, X
Panama City, 11-13



CLOSER TO WHERE I CURRENTLY AM (but am not going...)


Portugal

Lisbon, 12-13
Avairo, 21
Braga, 21
Coimbra, 17-20
Evora, 20-22
Funchal, X
Guimaraes, 18-22
Porto, 11-13
Viana do Castelo, 6 (only one place!)



COSTS

For about 5 EUR you can get 3 tapas, enough for a meal in most places.  The beer is served in tiny glasses - they say so it doesn't get warm.  The beer here is nothing special.

Large glass of 'summer wine', 4 EUR.  Very nice - try that for sure.

EATING SPAIN

FORWARD PLANNING


Pondering what to do in Spain.  I've been wandering around Granada for several hours.  It's OK but not great.

After traipsing around for four or five hours working on breaking in my new shoes, I'm doing the Spanish custom of 'siesta' and hanging out on the computer doing research for a few hours trying to figure out what is next.

I'm wondering why people always refer to Spain as 'cheap'.  It's close to the same price as Berlin.  It's true that Berlin is cheaper than some cities in Europe (like Munich) but it's not 'cheap'.

Perhaps my barometer of what is 'cheap' and what isn't is a bit skewed.

So, I did some more research on the region of Spain I find myself in and have found that the only cities that are within my price range - and moderately interesting - are Granada -> Cordoba -> Seville -> Cadiz.  I'm going to do some more poking around and see if I can figure out what seems interesting for me here.  Honestly, it is OK but I feel like either I haven't yet found 'the good stuff' or I've been spoiled by already having been to lots more exotic places and this just isn't floating my boat.

After that, if I wanted to I could spend about 30-40 euro to get a boat into Morocco.

After some fairly exhaustive research into Morocco, however, I've only found two (yes two) cities which are actually affordable in terms of accommodation.   For those interested, the cities are Fez (AKA Fes - no, I don't know why) and Marrakech, which seems freakishly cheap compared to the rest of Morocco.  Again, no clue why.

So, this brings me to 'how bad do I really want to see Morocco'?  Due to the political situation in Algeria (screwed up) it's kind of on it's own.  I couldn't go to say Tunisia from there to slaughter Jawas.

Note if I had $100 per day to spend (or better still 100 EUR as the dollar isn't worth crap these days) then doubtless my options would drastically open up but I have less than half of that.

And, from what I've talked to other travelers about it seems that the Central and South American countries have gotten all modern - hence expensive.  Extensive research will be needed for those as well to see what is possible.



PRICES

Four tapas (including approximately 300 ml of beer), 6.80 EUR.  Would recommend the tapas at "El Tabernaclo."  Note that you get better tapas if you sit at the bar and chat with the cook.  In some establishments, it is also cheaper if you are sitting at the bar.

VIDEOS

Logan and the ruins
The Da-Logano Code
Young Protesters

BERLIN TO SPAIN PDQ

BERLIN

Years ago when I lived in Germany, it was pretty much all Germans.  Berlin seems extremely racially diverse.  I hope it's amazing and wonderful for them.  Me, I don't really care where people live so long as they can sell me tasty food and such.

As in many countries, the number for emergencies is 112.  Personally, I think the UK has it right with 999.  A good number to hit while you're panicking.

My overall thought on Berlin, "Nice place to live, but I wouldn't want to visit there."  Too manicured and perfect.  Give me rubble and old bullet holes any day.

As I was leaving Berlin, seven taxi drivers at the airport were attempting to get a Frisbee down from a tree.  After five minutes they succeeded.  Two inexpert throws later and the Frisbee was lodged in the only other tree in the area.



TRAVEL TO SPAIN

I'd wanted to  avoid flying and go by train.  Not only does it cost more, but everything is booked up.  Screw buying the couple month pass for a lot of money if you can't even get on the train!



ARRIVAL IN SPAIN

Back to palm trees in this sun bleached land.  After messing around with the bus and eventually sucking it up and paying for a cab, I found that the hostel I'd read so much about was 'all out of the cheap rooms'.  Strike one.  Then, I find out that tappes isn't served free with beer in Malaga.  Decided immediately to leave Malaga after only one night in this expensive tourist town.

Decided to go to Grenada which I'd heard about  from a fellow tourist quite some time ago.  We'll see if it lives up to the stories.



SPANISH LANGUAGE

It is killing me to try to dredge up all of my old Spanish speaking skills.  On top of that, I am trying to default to Georgian.  Not a clue why - there are no similarities between the languages.  It's going to take some time to acclimate.



SPENDING

After going through the pain of saving money for seven plus months, I've found that I am more loathe to piss it away.  I'm still pissing it away - I'm just more loathe about it.



GEAR

My current gear continues it's rapid disintegration.  My 'goes with me everywhere' bag has been decomposing very quickly.  It's held together with paper and safety pins.  It's amazing how fast things fall apart when you travel.  Even my backpack has started to look pretty rough.  At least now I know what kind to get.



BAG WEIGHT

For those keeping track it is down to 13.5 KG.   This is good because my belly is still up ten or more kilos.



MATT MATT MATT, MADDATT!

It's looking like my good buddy Matt may be joining me in Spain for a weekend.  Long time readers of the blog will remember him as the meat cleaver wielding 'Sato Boot' (white ghost) from Nepal.   I'm hoping that this visit we won't be trying to bury a hooker out in the desert.



FILM REVIEW - DJANGO UNCHAINED

Although I always find Quinton's 'ultra-violence' great fun, this movie seemed to drag on forever.  I'd have been happier for the best fifteen minutes and the rest cut.  I've got nothing against character development provided it is done in an interesting manner.  This wasn't.



DAEMON QUOTES

"Logan puts the 'ass' into 'ambassador'."
"Logan is an 'evil Buddah'."



PRICES

Weird off brand 8 pack of triple A batteries, 1.50 EUR
Energizer 8 pack of triple A batteries, 3 EUR
New, hopefully better MP3 player upgrade, +25 EUR.  It got expensive quick.
Full city public transport ticket, all zones, 7 EUR
Lovely steak dinner with baked potato, 17 EUR
Pack of smokes, 5 EUR

LOGAN'S ILL FATED EUROPEAN ADVENTURE

NOTES ON TBILISI AIRPORT

You can enter and hangout within the tiny airport as long as you want.  If you want to smoke, you can do so outside or even in the lamest Burger King in the world.   This BK has no beef, no shakes and very little to commend it.  Less if you are a non-smoker.  There is a fairly heavy police presence around the airport so you get less beggars and they are all on the outside.

Remember, unless you want to lug around completely useless foreign currency in your own game of "Jason Bourne", get rid of your Lari (GEL).  Outside of Georgia they are as welcomed as a truck load of dead rats in a tampon factory.

The weight of the 'big bag' (for those keeping track) is down to 14.3 KG.  Less is always better.



ARRIVAL IN LATVIA

Down to my last pen as the changing air pressure of the plane caused more small explosions.

Customs was a breeze.  The lady looked through my passport, wordlessly swiped it and handed it back.  That is the easiest time I've ever had in entering the EU.  I waltzed through the 'nothing to declare' line reading my notebook for what bus to catch.  Out of the corner of my eye, I could tell they were wanting to stop me but didn't.  It's rude to interrupt someone reading...  Yes, that was planned.  With a soccer ball worth of medicine in my bag and double or triple the legal number of cigarettes I wasn't anxious for them to have a look.

By the time I arrived in Latvia, my hands were literally shaking with fatigue.

To their great credit, none of the taxi drivers at the airport tried to hawk their cabs at me.  It shows a lack of sophistication and a dearth of poverty when they do.

Before my tale of woe and nice people who tried to help, I'd like to point out that the lat is the most valuable currency I've ever come across.  It's roughly two US dollars to buy one lat (LVL).  Wow, that sucks.  And a five is the smallest bill.

Since I'd done a little homework I'd discovered there was a 3 LVL shuttle that took people from the airport to their hostels.  Climbing on that, I didn't realize it was the last thing to go right for me in this country.

In the not too distant mother Russia, they have a holiday called "May Day".  Guess what day it starts?  Yes, the same one I'm Latvia.  This is a huge problem because Russians seem to celebrate this day by all leaving their country and going to other Russian speaking countries.  Like Latvia.

Everything was full.

I managed to get booked for one night at a hostel but that was it.  The "May Day" celebrations last about a week and a half.  Everything up to the 70 EUR per night hotels was booked solid.  Since I start freaking out when I have to pay 10 EUR for a place to sleep, 70 EUR was a bit beyond my budget.  And made me squeal like a pig.

Honestly, I was too stressed out to do much sightseeing but what I saw was a clean, modern city.   There was even a 'Cinnabon'.  Yes, I managed to resist it.  In hindsight, should have gone.  Lot of changes from Georgia.  Cars stay in their own lane.  Pedestrian crossings weren't just put there because they had extra paint left over.  The buildings were built with skill and aren't in danger of collapse.  They even have fire escapes.

Perhaps there is no clearer symbol of 'first world' as opposed to 'third world' countries than the lowly fire escape.  If you don't have one, it sends a message.  That message could be you live in a single story house.

So I wandered around fretting.  A friend of mine in Georgia has some extremely nice people who are very good friends of his in Riga and they said not to worry - they would find a place.  They looked for hours without success.  They did feed me and give me beer though.  While sitting in their establishment (which will be undergoing a name change to "Rockabilly House") I got to see something very unusual.  Though the surprise is probably a bit destroyed by mentioning the name of the establishment.

"Pete Anderson and the Swamp Shakers".  This was a four piece 'rockabilly' combo that operated with a great deal of enthusiasm.  Not bad music either.  Yes, when they found out I was from the states I got to talk to the leader a bit.  He asked me questions like if I could sing or play an instrument.  No.  Hell no.  I couldn't help but thinking as I sat around watching them play that if the USSR had kept going for another few years they would be sneaking out to play 'decadent western rock and roll music' while working a day job in factory number seven.

It's amazing how much American music they play there - and different from Georgia where they seem to play the same twenty Georgian songs over and over.

After accepting I would not be able to stay in Latvia, the great idea of 'duck into a nearby country and wait for the soviets to bugger back off home' came to mind.

Full.

Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and even Poland were full.

What the hell.

It  was saddening not only to leave Latvia but to realize my entire plan had been blown.  Perhaps it would have been a lot cheaper had I gone with my original plan and gone to Spain along the northern coast of the Mediterranean.  Perhaps not.

So, it looked as though I'd have to push on to Berlin.  I had a vague feeling I wanted to go to Berlin.

Back in the old days, before the internet, Logan worked in army intelligence.  Note to my Georgian readers, this does not mean I am currently CIA.  It is a Georgian  pastime to accuse various Americans of working for the CIA.  Sadly, they don't seem good at this game.  Anyway, for anyone who has ever worked in the intelligence field during the Cold War, Berlin had a special mystique.

Spy swaps, spy vs spy, the Berlin Airlift and all of those shadowy things happened there.  I know that is all in the history books but I was hoping to catch just a whiff of the old spirit.

Nothing.

My trip isn't starting off very well.



IMPORTANT NOTE FOR TOURISTS IN THE BALKANS

If you are going to go in May and June (yes, another Russian holiday then), pre-book.  I'm not exaggerating.



BERLIN

Berlin turned out to be just another ultra modern city.  If any of the old, intriguing Berlin still exists, I've not yet found it.  I've still got a couple days left to look for it but it's probably not there.

On the good news, I've blown a whole bunch of money (70 EUR) get some new shoes.  The cheap Georgian tennis shoes I'd purchased literally caused me to think I was growing spikes through the bottom of my feet or they were on fire somehow.  The new shoes are gaudy and ugly.

I also decided that since the battery wasn't charging in my MP3 player (which is used daily) it was time to get a new one.  Tomorrow, I will return it and try to get a better one that doesn't shut itself off at random.



PHILOSOPHY

It's always baffling to me when someone is traveling for a month or so how they love to yack on skype. When they're with a group, they have the same conversations they would at home. Not really much of a vacation...

To those who want to do the overly protective, 'their family and friends would worry' sappy drivel, just think "What happened before cell phones or even the cable under the ocean for transatlantic calls?" Well, they traveled anyway - that's what. And they had new stuff to talk about when they got home because they didn't discuss it nightly...

PRICES

Georgia:

Burger King chicken sandwich, onion rings and a can of pepsi, 26 GEL.  Wow.


Latvia:

Dorm bed, 7 LVL cheapest though many are 10 LVL

Cafeteria meal I got sick after eating, 5 LVL


Berlin:

MP3 player that doesn't work, 30 EUR