RAZY LACISM

A RACIST GAME FOR YOU TO PLAY

I was directed to a store called "Low-Bee-San".  I double checked twice on the pronunciation.   See if you can guess what name it really is.  Hints:  Not that uncommon of a last name for white people, also there is a song containing it from the ancient days before MP3's.

The answer to this will appear later in the blog.

Also, I found that if I pronounce it correctly, the locals have no idea what I am talking about.



SIEM REAP, CAMBODIA

It's always funny to me how judgmental travelers are of other travelers.

Unless you are doing the stuff they think should be done by other travelers, you are clearly wrong.

I was talking to a Dutch guy I'd met at Viva (the Mexican restaurant).  He asked me "Why did you come to Siem Reap?"

"To drink.  And eat Mexican food."

He's the kind of guy who likes to do 'home stays', eat a lot of local food and so on.

I explained that I've been traveling long enough that I've done all of those things at some time - I just like eating and drinking at that particular restaurant.

And...did I mention where I'd met this guy?


The last night I was staying at the guesthouse I'd been at for three weeks, Mr. Reeet had what started as a small party and quickly blossomed into lots of locals and foreigners.

While I was talking to one of the other guests, she asked how I was able to do something or other.

"Because I am Logan!"

She responded with an emphatic "Fuck you, Logan!"

I just grinned at here.  Should have gone the full Eddy Murphy though.



As I was packing up to leave, my Central American pants finally collapsed into a black hole and pulled themselves through to the other side.  It was sad.  After a couple seconds of mourning, I tossed them in the bin.  That leaves me only with the extremely durable wrap pants.   (See The Harpy & The Hag for all your wrap pants and clothing needs!  Still, one pair of pants is just not enough.  I knew I'd be stuck getting some in Thailand.



When I left on the $28 dollar 'big, fancy' bus it was neither so big nor as fancy as I'd hoped.  The seats weren't as large (or Logan is getting LARGER) and there was no real space in the over head rack.

Managed to get two seats to myself as they had the space and I asked the attendant if it would be OK to move.



BORDER - CAMBODIA / THAILAND

The best thing about the expensive bus is that you get a small placard to wear when you get off the bus at the border.  This lets the bus know who you are.

It also acts as a magical talisman and lets all of the border scam artists (there are many) know you are already with a certain bus.  Rather than attempting to scam you, they just indicate which direction you should be going.

For people unfamiliar with the border or travel, this itself is worth the extra money.

If you don't wear the bus talisman, you can always print out one of these to wear.  Not sure if it will help - let me know.

Unless you can find and hire one of the rare individuals with a push cart, you will be carrying all of your luggage about half a kilometer.  If you can't carry your stuff (by yourself) that far, you shouldn't have the stuff you do.  Oh - and there are some stairs to lug your stuff up.  Did I mention the unnecessary stairs?

Once there, I got a thirty day visa.

This confused me for two reasons though I failed to bring up either to the nice border guard.  First, I had read that people crossing the border by land received only a two week visa.  Second, I thought there was a thirty dollar or so cost for the visa.

I did notice he looked at one of my old Thai visas and seemed happy with that.

And so long as he is happy, I am happy.



BANGKOK, THAILAND

As expected, the bus dropped everyone off at Mo Chit ("Not enough Chit, damnit!  I need mo!") bus station.

Met up with a couple from the same bus.  They saw me dismiss a couple taxi drivers with phrases like "I don't even want to talk to you any more!" and asked what was up.

I was getting a lot of quotes to take me to the train station ranging between 500-800 Bhat.  Didn't want to tell people "Fuck off, thief!" but I was clearly showing my displeasure with them.

"Look", I told them "If you don't want to get ripped off, you have to leave the bus station area.  I am out of here."

They walked with me as far as an ATM (not far) but then the guy announced he wasn't walking "All the way to the road - it was too far."

These were young, healthy people.  As people who are familiar with me know, I have serious medical problems that make it so I can't even stand up straight.  On top of my numerous back problems (not helped by hauling 20KG plus of shit), my legs have swollen up with blood and one foot hurts like I sprained it, causing me to limp.  And I'm lazy.

And these young, healthy people think it's "too far"?

Pussies.

You've got to harden the fuck up a bit to travel.  I don't consider myself all that rugged.  Another thing is I have less money than common sense.  Well, I don't have much money at any rate.  Fuck it, I'm poor.  But why pay double to these rogues?

Ended up not making it all the way to the road before a 'meter taxi' picked me up and informed me it would be 200 bhat.

They do have a place where you can catch 'metered taxis' (ones that use the meter rather than shaft you deep and repeatedly) but there was such a huge line for them and they came so rarely it wasn't even something I considered.

So I decided to take the metered taxi.

And ended up back in the Bourne Identity.

For those who don't know, when I was young (and could literally turn my head) I did a bit of stupid stuff in cars.  High speed chases, car tag (where you bump the other car to tell them 'they are it') and so on.  I've rolled a car and gone through many cars.  No idea how many.  Got taught how to do a PIT Maneuver and so on.

When I got into this guy's taxi, he made me feel right at home.

This was the most aggressive driving I'd come across in a long time.  He didn't quite push people out of the way but did his best to make them want to get out of his way.  Oncoming traffic?  Sure - swerve into that shit.  We didn't quite go up on the sidewalk.  Had they been as small of curbs as in the US and not filled with various merchant's wares I'm sure it would have happened.  But they are steep in countries like this for a reason.

Because I've accepted death as my constant companion (as I typed this I was nearly fatally struck by a car today) and inevitable end, I didn't whine or clutch at the 'Jesus handles'.  Just figured we were making good time and planning my escape if we crashed.

We didn't quite 'drift race' but we did skid to a halt outside the train station.   The meter was only at 150 bhat or so for the half hour race of death but I just gave him the 200 baht he mentioned at the beginning.  He'd earned the tip.

Got on to the train.

When you have the sleepers (even if your trip is brief) you end up sitting across from the people who have the other cot.  There are no compartments.

It was a mother and daughter.  Despite my offering some Pringles, they were both terrified of me and wandered around the train until it was sleep time.

Not nearly so good at making friends as M&M's.

Food does not come with your train ticket.  Your choices include buying whatever crap they bring by (all the same) or ordering off the menu.

I was very excited after they brought me a menu in both Thai and English.  Thai is one of those languages that only people from here or fairly serious about staying in Thailand people bother to learn.  In other words, nearly no one.

Since there was no sign of the mother and kid from the seats facing mine, they set up the small table turning the seats into a booth.

Yeah.  Good fucking luck with that.

Here is the difference, pictorially, between Cambodian food and Thai food.

Cambodian bus food.

Thai train food.  The stuff I really liked was kept warm under the pineapple desert.

Above is the six dollar 'set meal'.  It was amazing.  Better than I've had at many restaurants.  "I don't know what this side dish I'm eating is and have never had it but it was so fucking good I'm spending a moment of silence when it is done in mourning" type of good.

The train appeared to be the 'non-Express' train despite it's name but after the first couple stops kicked in at a good rate.  It was noisy and bumpy.

Not something I felt I could sleep in.

But the journey was only five hours or so.

At seven PM I was told I either got to crawl up in the top bunk (yeah, right) or that I should go to the dining car.

Wait - there's a dining car?

And I could smoke in there.  And drink coffee.

I passed the rest of my trip chatting with train workers, the restaurant staff and armed railway police.  It was excellent.

In both of the Thai trains I've been on, the dining car hours are roughly five in the morning until ten at night.  Despite people getting on at various stops, they really haven't figured out shift work and such here.  Presumably, the staff crashes in the dining car.  The dining car is like a bumpy wind tunnel with all the windows down.  Very retro - very 1980's.


Here's an important safety tip - don't get up and go to the doors leading out until the train has come to a complete and final stop.  Unlike European trains, there isn't much room in there and the train staff told me that pretty much every day someone falls out.  Sometimes they're just injured.  Other times, they break their back or even die.  The train often jerks like a bucking bronco when it comes to it's final stop.  No Americans, you don't get to sue them.  They'd just say "Why you stupid and stand near open door?  You lucky they took you to hospital you so stupid."

Don't be a warning to others.

HUA HIN, THAILAND

14 hours of non stop travel including a 'fancy bus' that wasn't, an insane taxi driver who didn't mind doing stuff I'd previously seen mainly in American movie chase scenes, a train and a bit of walking have brought me to a beach town in Thailand. As soon as I spotted the Burger King and McDonalds I said "Logan, you done fucked up". This town is way too mainstream, hence expensive. Right now I am staying at a $15 shit hole crawling with mosquitoes with 'suspicious stains' on the pillow. I'm going to wander around tomorrow and look for a better spot if I can find one. Probably see the town for at least a day or two. Maybe even eat some Burger King's.

Got to BK's just before the changing of the menu.  Unlike in the states where if you want a burger one second after the restaurant has opened, in the rest of the world you wait until lunch time.  Who could possibly want a burger in the morning?  Besides Americans?

The self loathing is related to the patriotism?  Or is it indigestion?

After the fifteen hours of hell by bus, I decided another twelve by train would be just the thing.  Anything to escape Hua Hin.

It is so expensive there that the tuk tuk drivers won't negotiate.  They look disgusted at any offers less than 100 baht even for a three block ride.  Amazing.

500 baht gets you a tiny tiny room.  There is mosquito netting on some - but not all of the windows.  There is no mattress - just a box spring.  Talking to some other tourists who stayed at different places, I found out they also had no mattresses.   Why they do this is unknown.  And who gets the mattresses?

So what did Logan think of Hua Hin?  The world may never know.

Could Hua Hin have spirit?  Almost certainly.  Spirit beyond "Hey, give me money foreigner?"  Perhaps?



TRAIN HUA HIN TO HAT YAI

Leaves either in the middle of the night or supposedly at 17:17 to arrive at 06:00.

Deciding seven hours hanging out at the train station with all of my bags sounded outstanding.

The train actually arrived at 18:30.

Unsurprisingly, some random tourist took the time to tell me "This train is shit - it came an hour late."  Rather than explain to him I knew and had been waiting the extra hour I smiled and nodded then got on the train.  I didn't mind it arriving an hour late as that should put me in closer to seven.  Note, it ended up being a bit after 08:30 - apparently it is becoming later and later.



HAT YAI

Irony places a surprisingly large part in my life.  This is probably ironic.

The first place I went to I ended up staying - after visiting half a dozen others.  This place is fairly shabby but the others ranged from "You want HOW MUCH for a room?  I don't want to buy the room, just rent it!" to "So you are supplemented by the government to keep prisoners here?"

They have one hostel in town (Hat Yai Hostel - no points for creativity there) but the rooms are basic.  When I say basic I mean they couldn't throw in a table and fucking chair.  Not sure why anyone would ever stay in their private room.  For the same money or a dollar and a half more you can get much better.

With my Stupidcard¹ in hand, covered in sweat, unwashed for a day and smelling like it, I took to the streets to find a tailor.

I did - but it's pretty crazy expensive.  I tried to get the same kind of cloth (cotton) that my wrap pants are made from but I am getting charged a bunch extra because "You so fat!"

Fortunately, I found a bunch of places I can eat for about a dollar and a half so I'll be doing that for a bit.



RACIST GAME - ANSWER!

Remember the game before where you had to guess what the locals really meant by "Low-Bee-San"?

The answer is "Robinson".

Yeah.  That one baffled me to when a guy was pointing at the sign saying "You see?  You see?"

Want extra fun?

Watch THIS video.  Any time they say "Robinson", say "Low-Bee-San" in a mechanical voice.

Is it possible to remain sad after doing so?  I doubt it.

And to end with an alarming thought - what if the Thais are the ones actually pronouncing it correctly and in America we've been fucking it up for years?

Mind...blown.

Full credit to Jimmy Carr for the title of this blog.  Go buy his stuff.  I mean anything.  Even if people just robbed his house and are selling his shit on the street - buy it.



DESCRIPTION OF THE BLOG

From the incomparable Kevin D:

"I suggest getting a tetanus shot and wearing rubber gloves before reading any of his articles. The best description of his blog is the T.V. series "An Idiot Abroad| mixed with "Monty Pythons Flying Circus," basically the ramblings of a deranged mind that to your surprise is not on illegal drugs. It is however best read if you have drank a large quantity of alcohol. I am currently in therapy including shock treatment after reading just two paragraphs of his ramblings. I highly suggest checking it out."

Logan's Voyage is more fun than collecting a pyramid of human skulls.  Well...not really.

A SPECIAL THANKS TO JASON P

He made this.

I'm with the army of the 12 Monkeys!

VIDEOS

Evil Spirits 1, 2
Louis Guest House, Hat Yai - very close to train



PRICES - HUA HIN

Burger King; breakfast $4.  Lunch $10.
Shitty room, 500 baht


PRICES - HAT YAI

Custom tailored pants, 2300 baht.  -30 to -50% if you are one of those skinny people.




¹ A StupidCard is the business card of the hotel you are staying in.  If you don't get one when you check in, you are stupid.  If you get lost, you use it to show locals so they can direct you back where you are staying.  For this reason, the best cards are in the local language rather than English.  A map on the back is less helpful than one would think because usually the locals can't read a map as there is no money to be had in map reading.

CAMBODIA TO GEORGIA

LEAVING SIEM REAP

The torrential rains of the night before seem to have mostly drained away.

I arrived about forty minutes early to the bus station.  The people at the Siem Reap hotel I'd been staying were very sad to see me go.

Even at 7:20 AM, the day was getting very sweaty.

An Aussy dressed in poofy pants, a cowboy hat and a bed sheet in place of a sheet met me at the bus station.  His name was Joey and I spoke with him a bit as we went.  When asked about the bed sheet, he explained that all of his shirts had gotten wet in the previous nights downpour and it was the only dry thing he had to wear.   Instead of purchasing extra shirts as he had intended, he got drunk and bought three different hammocks.  Funny ole world...    



ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK - AGAIN

It was a dark and stormy night when I finally arrived in Bangkok.

During the storm, Joey wanted to hang out under an awning.  Since I was getting soaked along with my gear it became time to part company.  The bindle was getting heavier and heavier as it absorbed more water.

After diving into an Indian restaurant to eat the best mutton curry ever, I bargained down a tuk tuk from his wildly optimistic 500 THB to 300 THB and took the uncomfortable ride to the Sukhimvit district.   Because of the rain and the time of night, I'd considered just staying in the Khao San Road area.  On their price cards, they usually have one reasonably priced 'simple' room and several other very high priced options.  The 'simple rooms' - if they ever really existed - are always full.

Stopping twice to argue with the tuk tuk driver that he should actually take me to my destination rather than dropping me off in the middle of nowhere and one other time so he could ask someone more competent where it actually was that he claimed to know, I got dropped off at the hostel.

This is the same hostel I had met two people I'd seen in different parts of the world.  Yes, I met someone else I'd seen in a different part of the world there.  Kind of an interesting vibe to that place.

The hostel was - with three notable exceptions - filled with the usual foreigners who liked to alternate between partying hard and sleeping.

Two of the exceptions were an old couple staying at the hostel.  Possibly in their eighties, I thought they were someone's grandparents who were meeting them at a hostel.  They said they had been vacationing and staying at hostels for the last four decades.  Their only complaint was that the young people pretty much ignored them.

Ignoring the old couple, I went to bed early.

Since I knew the partiers would be inconsiderate and definitely wouldn't be carrying flashlights, I just left the light on when I went to sleep.  Easier.

The air conditioner was blasting cold enough it gave me a new cough for a couple days.  Despite that, my body was still hot in that room.  Odd.  I punished the young people by sleeping only in my underwear.  They avoided me after that.

The next day, I awoke early and talked to the third exception at hostel.  He  was an old redneck named Mike.  He has inoperable lung cancer and a two pack a day habit.  He spoke of perhaps quitting smoking.  Since the doctors told him he only had six months to live I said "Smoke up.  Enjoy your remaining time how you want."  He had come to Thailand to live on a beach till death takes him.  That way, he can enjoy himself and not be a burden to his family.

Sounds like a plan to me.

We talked about having both served in the same town in Korea although a decade apart.

After that, I took my leave of him and headed to the airport.

On the way, a couple cops told me to go stand over there, possibly due to my jaywalking.  They were then distracted by several other people jaywalking.  During their distraction, I wandered off.  I didn't feel like paying bribes to the police just then.

After a couple blocks, I recalled I'd left one of my locks attached to an empty locker.  Didn't feel like going back to see if the police were upset with my earlier disappearance and reasoned that buying a new lock would be cheaper than buying two cops.

Off to the airport.

Arrived eight hours before my flight, five hours before I could have even checked in.  Some people would say I could have left my bag at the hostel and gone around Bangkok.  Been there so often there is absolutely nothing I want to do.

The big back is up to 17.9 KG.  Possibly something to do with the new business cards printed in Cambodia.

The Bangkok airport has one of those new 'controversial but accepted because we are more scared of terrorists than keeping our rights' body scanners at the airport.

As readers know, I wear a couple of pouches inside my shirt for money and ID's.  They insisted I put the pouches through the xray machine.  Despite the machine being able to see through my clothing to look at my pathetic little cock, they wanted my security pouches off.

I stripped off my shirt and the pouches and dumped all of that into the xray machine.  Going through dressed in only my shorts, I raised my hands and said "If you need to frisk me I totally understand and am happy to comply."

The Thais stared in horror as the waves of fat rippled like currents in the sea.

A couple other tourists goggled at me and I said "Yeah, they're a bit strict on their security here...  It's almost as bad as in the USA.  At least here I don't have to get naked and have a cavity search!"

My goods were quickly returned aside from a bottle of water and my beloved mosquito killing device.  These were taken away.  Sad.

The best thing about the Bangkok airport is a cheaply priced 7-11 within the airport.  This is a good place to eat and drink while living in the airport.

If I eat fast food, I feel sick for a day afterward.  Not sure why - possibly the low food value and toxins within the food.  Despite this, I did look into the prices of Burger King at the airport.  Drink, burger and fries - $13.  Screw that.

Security and customs took about two hours.   I was told that my bag would next be seen in Istanbul.  I was hopeful.

The lady at the Malaysian Air counter interrogated me about my length of stay in Istanbul.  Started having bad flashbacks about the Philippines fiasco where I had to trash the ticket due to having no 'onward tickets'.

She seemed satisfied with my explanation I'd be taking a bus immediately out to the Republic of Georgia.  I exhaled.

While waiting on the plane, someone else got hauled off for not having 'onward ticket'.

Super.

The flight was one of those 'good news, bad news' things.  The layout of the chairs was two, aisle, five then two.  I got lucky and was in one of the two.  The bad news is that it was a 'screaming baby' flight.

During the flight, some cross eyed kid kept staring at me.  Then again, maybe he wasn't.



WELCOME TO TURKEY

Going through Turkish customs from the airport was dead easy.

I found the line marked 'visa', handed them my passport with $20 USD and got a visa.  No questions at all then a new line to get a stamp and off I went.

The airport in Istanbul is one of those which has a subway under it.  Figuring I'm eventually going to need to head back to Turkey, I hit an ATM rather than getting raped by the money changers.  Figure I'll play the Jason Bourne game with currency.  Since the ATM only gives 100 lira notes, I went to a money changer and got some change.  The currency exchange guy thought that was a good idea.

When I got down to the subway, lo, the machine accepts only 5, 10 or 20 denomination notes.  Go team.

For three lira I got a subway ticket and went ten stops to the 'autogar'.  This is the main bus depot.

When I arrived, it looked like a big open square surrounded by various transport agencies.  Like the center of a flower.  Around this like the pedals and screened by buildings are the actual buses.

Turkish for 'bus station' seems to be 'argument'.

Since plane tickets were selling in excess of 300 euros and going through either Munich Germany or Kiev and a Russian prison term for no visa bus seemed a better choice.  On the plane, a Turk was telling me that a plane would actually be the better option but it turned out he had wildly over estimated the cost of a bus ticket and horribly under estimated the cost of a plane ticket.  Bus wins.

A guy asked me where I was going then took me on a long walk to one of the sellers.  This is a mistake, I should have just sought out the Metro bus office.  Metro is a good line and cheaper than the others.  After taking me to the office the guy seemed to be expecting a tip.  I gave him 5 lira.  He grumbled but took it.  Figured that meant it was about the right amount.

While in Turkey, I couldn't find any Turks who spoke English any better than I speak Arabic, French or Korean (aka 'poorly') but due to the number who have dealings with Germany, it was again German for the win.  I was able to use that at a restaurant.  I suspect they heaped my plate a bit higher as well as forcing a free tea on me because I knew German.  Excellent.

One nice thing about the buses in Turkey is that unlike other parts of the world, they keep them quiet.  Everyone gets their own little TV and headphones.  With the exception of a couple hours near the end, no idiots played their music over the speaker.  I know we have that sort of thing where people are subjecting others to their music in public places but it is hoped that people outgrow it by the time they are done being teenagers.

For Logan, a quiet bus is a happy bus.  I can listen to my MP3's and sleep.

The Turks gave up trying to communicate to me in anything other than Turkish since I seemed to understand them.  Go go body language and voice inflection.



INTO GEORGIA

Compared to entering Turkey from the airport where the 'well heeled' (rich) guests come into the country, crossing land borders is always a bit of a 'cluster fuck'.  Daily laborers going back and forth, people hauling goods, lots of trucks, whatever.

To go through the border, we had to dismount the bus leaving our stuff.  We walked to the place to get our passports stamped out.  After getting our passports stamped (eventually) we waited for the bus to make it's way through the onslaught of trucks.  When the bus arrived, we retrieved all of our possessions so we could go through the Georgian side.  I was carefully told by a border guard who I don't think spoke English "Welcome to Georgia".  None of the Turks were told this.  Perhaps they like seeing an American passport.

If you are coming via the border from Turkey into Georgia headed to Batumi and wanted to save time, you could grab everything off of the bus immediately, walk through both borders and immediately catch a taxi.  That would save perhaps half hour to an hour.

After crossing the border, it was eight more hours (of my 26 total hour bus ride) to get to Tbilisi.  Most of the distance between Batumi and Tbilisi is twisting and winding roads.  I know they have night buses and such but no clue how anyone could sleep on them.  I'd have to be passed out from exhaustion to do so.  There are some pretty scenic parts  to see.

Having traveled without cease or shower, I got pretty ripe after three days.



ARRIVAL IN GEORGIA

What I had expected and what I got were remarkably different.

When I left, the hostel had lots of the owners (multiple owners) friends hanging out here, drinking, partying and so on.  As I understand it, the hostel is now owned by just one of the original owners.  The others have gone off to do other jobs.

There were no excited Georgians around to greet me and chat with.  I was disappointed and miss them.

There is a nice lady from South Africa named Bridget who I will be getting to know well as we'll be working closely together for several weeks.  I also got to go out to have some food and wine (very cheap at 4-5 GEL for a liter) with so I am not complaining.



TURKISH CHARACTER

Compared to SE Asia, the Turks I witnessed seemed extremely aggressive.  I'm not talking about violent or hostile but much like Indians who will cut in front of you in lines and so on.  Their body language and demeanor also seemed to suggest this.



NOTE TAKING

Whenever I pull out my notebook and take notes I get curious reactions from the natives.  Some look at me in amusement, some in amazement and some in horror as though I am making notes to pass along to the secret police on their behavior.



VALUABLE LANGUAGE TRAINING SKILLS

Turkey dubs the American movies they get.  This is why the people there don't speak much English.  Dubbing deprives people of valuable free language training as well as making the movie crappy.



REFLEXIVE ACTIONS

Do you remember when you were young and a doctor took a small hammer and hit you near your knee?  Do you remember how your foot - void of any conscious action on your part kicked him square in the testicles?  How the doctor doubled over and began to vomit?  All of these things are what I am terming 'reflexive actions'.  If you were someone like Travis and pulling out a gun and saying "Try that one more time..."

But I digress.

Reflexive actions.

The next time someone tells you there is a difference between normal heat and dry heat, the reflexive action  should be to backhand them.

Either way, you are miserable.

I've lived in Asia now for about a year and am happy to be moving on tomorrow.  I've been to 'non-hot heat' and dry heat counting at least three different deserts.

Miserable and I am tired of smelling Logan.

Tomorrow, should all go according to plan, I will spend a day in Thailand then heading back to Turkey to make the trip to Georgia.

[As a side note, the last person to slap Travis was the doctor when Travis had just been born.  Travis is still looking for him.  In the doctors defense, as all doctors dealing with newborns they say the slap on the rear is to give  them a general idea as to what they should expect form life.]



MP3 PLAYER

Mysteriously, my MP3 player began working again.  This makes me quite happy because in Siem Reap, you are given two basic Chinese knockoff choices - 2gig for $35 or 4gig for $45.  This seems a fairly unreasonable price to me as they have 8gig for $30 on Amazon.

Who needs so much storage room?

Music can be uplifting, relaxing and inspiring.  However, I usually find it after enough repetition to be dull and trite.  Music teaches me nothing.  Books on  the other hand, can offer much.

Books take significantly more room than a few crooned melodies.

We'll see if better offerings present themselves in Georgia.



INTERESTING  ARTICLE

The Five Best did a nice article on beer drinking.  The number five company surprised me.



SHOE STORY

Yet another sandal has broken.  Sadly, it is always the left one which breaks.  Were it otherwise, in addition to my badly patched clothing mismatched sandals could complete the ensemble.



CAMBODIAN BUSINESS MODELS

There is a restaurant close to the hotel.  It is a pretty pricey place on good real estate.  Looks very nice.  The place can hold about a hundred people.  

There are three outdoor cooks, more in the back - and about ten wait staff.

The owners are opening another restaurant within the even more valuable 'Pub Street'.

What confuses me is that this restaurant rarely - if ever has customers.  I've been there several times in several different months and this is always the case.

How the heck do they make money?



STORY IDEA

Hookers, Ho!

A story of dirty pirate hookers through the ages.  Follow these lusty beauties as they ply their trade upon the Seven Seas pursued by an evil Englishman who is intent on making them all disappear!



LOGAN MEDICAL

127 KG.  I can't recall if that is up or down from previous.  I'm guessing up due to Mexican food.  So good.




CAMBODIAN PRICES

Sandals, $10.  Note, prices before bartering can start as high as 150%.

Bus from Siem Reap to Bangkok, $10.



THAILAND PRICES

An excellent meal in the Khao San district of Bangkok of Indian food, $10.

Travel from Khao San Road (the cut off from the rest of the tourist district by intent so the cab drivers can squeeze the tourists for money) to Sukhimvit district by a filthy smelly tuk tuk, $10.


Sukhimvit to the airport via 'sky train', about $3 USD.



TURKEY PRICES

Plane ticket from Istanbul to Tblisi, around 300 euros or more.
Bus ticket of same, 100 Turkish Lira.   Note, "Metro" is only 90 lira.  Go Metro!

Access to a filthy squat toilet, 1 lira.

Cup of tea, small, 1 lira.

What is claimed to be 'Turkish Fanta' and isn't as good, 2 lira

DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?

DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?

I was talking to a twenty nine year old man who was getting ready to go have a night out on the town.  I advised him not to take anything he didn't want to lose with him.  He said I was a 'fear monger'.  The next morning, he discovered he had lost his I-phone.  And credit card.  He said he was more angry about me being right than losing his stuff.  

"It's a horrible burden I bear." I retorted.

I HATE BANGKOK

The first night I arrived in town I was pretty tired and out of sorts.  I had a beer and a very nice conversation with some other travelers.  After that night, I was sick (the dreaded 'traveler's tummy') for the next three days.  Boy did that suck.

After lying around the hostel for several days I finally got a bit better and was able to journey forth without worrying my ass would unexpectedly spray shit.  It's a happy feeling.

Bangkok is pretty much sweltering.  Even the Thais are complaining about the heat.  During the day I'm not seeing many tourists running around.  

Sorry that there aren't more pictures and videos here in Bangkok but I got most of that crap done the first two times I was here.  When I get out of Bangkok I'll make more for your amusement.

THE NEAR FUTURE

Since I messed up by not having some ports into and out of Indonesia written down, the worker at the Indonesian embassy seemed suspicious that I wouldn't leave his country or something odd.  Had I been thinking more clearly, I'd have said "Take a look at my passport.  Do you honestly think I'm going to stay anywhere?"

As I write this, it is Tuesday.  On Thursday, my passport should be ready one way or the other.  As I understand it, the Indonesian government gets to keep my $45 either way.  Bummer.  

Whichever way it goes, I am out of Bangkok on Thursday.

Thank god.

Unless things get totally strange, I should have time to grab my passport (hopefully with a shiny new Indonesian visa), retrieve my crap then taxi it over to the place I'm getting the bus ticket.  Then, it's off to Krabi Town and hopefully something more interesting than a third time in Bangkok.

My loose plans are the south of Thailand to Indonesia to Philippines to Cambodia then god knows where.  Hopefully by then I'll have saved up some money and I can GTFO of Asia.  Either Africa or back to eastern Europe would be nice.

But if you are a regular reader, you know how my 'plans' go...

LOGAN WEIGHT

Current weight, fully clothed with satchel and such, 121 KG.  (Fuck pounds - only three countries use that crap).

My 'diet plan' consisting of not being able to keep anything in combined with sweating my ass off constantly and - due to the extreme heat - not wanting to eat much - seems to be working.

PRICES

Cheap flip flops, starting price 450 TBH, bargained down to 250 TBH.

Thai boxing seats, 1000-2000 TBH.

Plate of kind of crappy spaghetti, 100-200 TBH.

Traveler's toothpaste, 13 TBH.

Big Arabic style meal to celebrate not being sick any more, 450 TBH.  That got out of hand (price wise) very quickly.

Bus from  Bangkok to 'Krabi Town', 550 TBH elsewhere or 800 TBH from the hostel.  Even with a 100-200 TBH taxi ride to get to the place I'm getting the bus from I'm saving money going elsewhere.  Always shop around.

BACK TO BANGKOK

THE AIR CONDITIONER MAN

During my brief stay in Goa, there was a small problem with the air conditioner. It dripped. No big deal. Since I try to be a good guest, I notified the owner of the place I was staying.

He called out the air conditioner repair man and his assistant. They eventually came toward evening. His assistant was friendly but spoke no English. He also didn't know how to turn off the AC with the remote. For those in suspense about how such a thing may be done, it's the big button. It's almost always the big button.

Within the air conditioner was some sort of computer chip that had the temperature displayed on it. It was working fine. I looked up to see the repairman hitting it with the point of his screwdriver. "I wouldn't do that if I was you." He looked a bit guilty (and inept) and stopped.

The air conditioner had an amazing amount of water in it. The repairman stopped the leaking by putting some gunk in it to block the leak point. Later, it leaked from a new point. I'm just glad that water plus electricity didn't equal more trouble.



A WANDERING RANT ON THE SOUTH OF INDIA

Southern India was far more expensive than northern India. In northern India, you could get a crappy place for about 200 INR and a decent place with wifi for 400-500 INR. In southern India, you could get a crappy place for 600-1000 INR and a decent place with wifi for 1500-2000 INR. Was it worth the added expense? Not to me. The food and such is cheap throughout the country. They can't really crank up the prices on that - nobody would eat there. But they can screw the tourists on lodging as there aren't a lot of other choices.

There isn't really an 'out of season' according to the people who run the hotels and such. When the foreign tourists aren't there, the Indian tourists are. Hence, any delusions I'd had about being there 'out of season'.

For anyone wanting to visit India, here is my recommendation. Start in the south. As you travel north, the trashiness will increase but the costs will dramatically decrease. If you go the other way it's going to be some bad shock. Or maybe all of this crap was just within the fine state of Goa. That's where I hit the 'get me the hell out of here' button.

I'd spent considerable time and money taking hellishly long transportation to Goa. When I got there, it was not as I'd hoped. I went around to some of the beach towns and such to check them out. Trashy and amazingly overpriced.

I figured 'I can go further south. I've heard good things about the far south. It's only a fifteen to twenty hour bus ride away." Then, I had to go up against the Indian rail system. After being sent upstairs and downstairs numerous times by people who looked liked they'd worked there forever and appeared to still not know their jobs, I discovered that if I wanted to I could get put on a waiting list. If I waited for fourteen hours, I could find out if I could take the train. I was only number eight on the waiting list. I just fucking snapped. I'd had enough. It was time to pull the plug on my Indian adventure and good riddance.

The overcrowding combined with severe incompetence and rudeness were highlighted starkly with European prices. It was time to leave the country. Being taught to assume everyone was always lying to you, the crowding, noise, begging - it all became too much after three months. A month or two would be enough for most people I think.



A RANT ON THE WIFI IN INDIA

Some people have said "It's India, you can't expect wifi. This is wrong for a couple different reasons. You should be able to expect it. The trick is that one hotel has to have it and get successful. At that point, everyone else in town will get it. The Asian business model has nothing to do with creativity and everything else to do with ruthlessly copying the crap out of what someone else has done that worked.

When I'm able to find wifi in a room costing 400 INR in northern India and can't find it at a room costing four times as much in southern India it is just because nobody has yet come up with the idea in that town.

In conclusion, you will find that either nearly all of the town (anywhere in Asia) is wifi or not wifi. Very odd.



INDIAN CUSTOMS

On local buses, they have things written like 'ladies only', 'senior citizens' and 'twelve people standing'. These are all lies and should be ignored.


Indians love their mobile phones. On the plane to Bangkok, we'd been given announcements to turn off and put away all electronic devices. Signs were lit up asking us to keep them off.

While the plane was actually lifting off from the runway, a cell phone rung and was answered. Another was dropped and skittered along the floor toward the back of the plane.



BAG WATCH

I tossed my lovely Egyptian pants due to getting the zip on zip off legs. Tossed a couple other minor things as well. The bag weight is down to 18.9 KG according to the airport scales.



FLIGHT TO BANGKOK

Although the rest of the world now allows one cigarette lighter per person, they haven't gotten that memo in India and seized it. How the people in the smokers areas within the airport got hold of lighters I don't have any idea.

Anyway, the flight from Goa to Mumbai was about $40. From Mumbai to Bangkok was about $200. I almost missed the second flight due to incorrectly reading the gate number and falling asleep briefly in front of the wrong gate. I was just that tired by the time I got there. It was hard travel and a lot of buying tickets for 'right the hell now'. In the USA, they gouge the crap out of you to buy tickets for 'right now'. Here, they seemed to cost the same price as if you'd bought them days in advance. Thank god.



LIVING IN THE AIRPORT

During my half day layover in Mumbai airport, I met two people that were living there. Both of these people had made some sort of mistakes that caused this. One guy claimed he had his benefits cut off and became stranded in the airport. He lived there, begging off of other tourists, promising to pay them back. He told me that one French girl gave him 10,000 INR. "I could not eat or smoke (drugs) enough!" he said with pride. Why people give him money is a mystery to me. He was as wacked out of it as I imagine Hunter S. Thompson would be.

The other guy was a German I met. He was drinking rum when I first encountered him and offered me some. I took a pass on it because I wanted to keep as clear of head as I could since I had to fly out. He got drunk, missed his plane and drunkenly explained to me he'd now be stranded in the airport for a couple days.



BACK IN BANGKOK

When I was in the airport, I espied a currency exchange. Being their only customer I passed over some American money and asked for bhat - the local currency in Thailand. While the lady was getting out change a bunch of Indians from the plane bellied up to the desk and began asking questions. "I'm sorry - this gentleman was here first. You'll have to wait until I am done helping him." she said. I resisted slapping the desk and yelling "HA!" to the Indian people. Christ, I was glad to get out of India. That sort of behavior (as opposed to queuing) isn't even seen as rude. I think it is, but they do it habitually.

The first night here, I was just tired. I seem to have gotten some sort of new sir-shits-a-lot stomach virus on my first night. For the last two days, I've been mostly sitting around the guest house. Tethered to the toilet on what I have begun to think of as the 'Asian diet plan'.

So now I am staying at 'Soy 1 Guesthouse' in the business district. It's not a great hostel as far as hostels go but it has a strange interesting energy about it. It's a nice break from the usual tourist area of "Kosan Road". Oddly, I ran into two people I knew from the Republic of Georgia - Beka (Georgian) and Phillip (German). I may end up traveling a bit with Phillip down the road. We'll see what happens.



HOTELS IN CALANGUTE BEACH

Not much in the way of internet here either.

Beachway Resort, AC 1200 INR, non-AC 800
Calangute Guesthouse AC 1910 INR, non-AC 1650
The Grand, 6000 INR though they dropped the price quickly to 2700 INR.
Jerry's Place, AC 1000 INR, non-AC 800
Sunflower, AC 1600 INR, non-AC 1400
Village Nook Beach Resort, AC 1500 INR, non-AC 800 INR



HOTELS IN PANAJI

The hotels there haven't really figured out that travelers like wifi. Finding it in that town is very difficult unless you're spending big money. Some notes on hotels that have no wifi:

Alfonsos, 1200 INR
Hotel Embassy Suites, AC 1500 INR
Mi-Palace, AC 1200 INR
Oravs Guest House - avoided due to early morning construction
Popeye's Guest House, 600 INR for non-AC



FUN WITH AIRPORT SECURITY

To fascinate the man with the metal detector, why not wear a metal cock ring? [No, I don't know where these thoughts in my head come from either.]



PHILOSOPHY

I was chatting to a nice lady named Shawna. She was interested in becoming a cop in England. (Note, I think it was England - I'm writing this while suffering yet another bout of 'traveler's tummy'.) One of the things I brought up was the idea of finding mentors and making connections even before beginning college. It has always baffled me that so few people bother with this. Were I interested in training in a profession, I'd try to meet and chat with people who are senior in that profession. Eventually, you may discover someone who is happy to pass along their advice. When you've reached the top of your chosen field, having keen young people seek you out for your wisdom is a boon.

And it never hurts to get a bunch of contacts and the 'good ol boy' network working for you years before your job hunt begins. When they have a stack of applications sitting on their desk from college people who have just graduated (no experience) and the application of someone that (for example) the chief of police has been mentoring for the last four years sitting on the desk whose application do you think will be taken first? Even if you don't end up working for that particular chief, the cops are notorious gossips. Word will travel on the grapevine. In fact, your mentor may just pick up the phone and have a quiet word with someone else which gets you hired - and you'll never know they had anything to do with it.

Plus too if you are on a case in years to come it could be quite handy to have friends in the forensic labs who are happy to give an 'unofficial rush' to your evidence you need to close the big case.

Or you can wait until you graduate from college and join everyone else who is rushing to do stuff they should have been doing years ago.

The main two hurdles to this seem to be work and shyness. It does take a lot of work to remember all of the names and such, but this sort of thing is for people who are wanting an actual career as opposed to a plug in hours and get money sort of job. If someone is shy, they can choose to overcome that or stay in the lower ranks. Shyness is not a disease. "Fear is just a feeling. You feel hot. You feel hungry. You feel angry. You feel afraid. Fear can never kill you." - Remo Williams.



BURMA NEWS

A few travelers have told me that Burma has a new president who has opened up the country. I'm not sure what all is currently going on there now but I've been told big changes in regards to tourism. Apparently, now you can travel throughout and across the country. More news as it comes to me.



QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Life without internet is life in prison." - Beka.



PRICES

Using the waiting room at the Mumbai airport, 60 INR. Not joking. 300 ml fanta in airport, 1 USD.



VIDEOS

Crappy Dharan Nepal room
Rickshaw travel
Shaky Travel
Shut the hell up
Tease the monkeys Darjeeling town square
Long Island Hotel
Darjeeling railway station
Happy Valley Tea Estate
Tea Tour
Tea Obsession 1
Tea Obsession 2
Toy Train in Darjeeling
Welcome to Calcutta Bitches
Cricket in India 1
Cricket in India 2
Follow up to Cricket in India
A Pousada Guest House in Panaji

PACSAFE

PACSAFE

Today, I bought a 'pacsafe'. It is a mesh of wire that goes over the backpack and has a place you can lock it. While only a solid metal ball would be pretty secure, it still steps up the security for the backpack. Before I went on the trip, I didn't know about them. During the trip, I held off of buying one partially due to the investment (about $100) and partially due to reading other travelers thoughts on it. They said things like 'it makes your bag more conspicuous. After already getting robbed twice, I'm thinking 'fuck them, they don't know what they're talking about'. So, I will let everyone know if I get to play the game 'who stole Logan's stuff' again. I hope not but it is one of the downsides of travel.

The upsides do make it worth while, IMO.



POOR PEOPLE

Today I saw an overweight, middle aged lady naked taking a bath on the street. I didn't get a picture because:

a) Thais can go from smiling to ax-murder the interloper quick if they get riled.
b) Nobody wants to see fat, naked, middle aged women.
c) I didn't want a fat, naked, middle aged woman chasing my fat, crippled and slow ass down the street.



VIDEOS

Odd Street



BANGKOK RIVER TAXI INFO

No flag - stops everywhere
Orange flag - some stops
Yellow flag - only main stops
Green flag - only runs in the morning and evening, goes to different provinces.

The thing to know about river taxis is that they are 20 TBH or less (less than a dollar) and you have to ask people which dock is the river taxi. There are a lot of over priced tourist boat docks mixed in with the river taxi docks. Also, the river taxi docks are numbered. This makes it pretty easy to figure out where you are and when you should disembark.



OLD NERO STORY

set back in Kzoo's chapter where they had the individual rooms in the inn. Someone was looking for me and searching the rooms. I had hired three young girls to give me a backrub. (My back hurt, Lumsie was one of the richer players in NERO - it all worked out). A guy looking for me opened the door and gazed down on what appeared to me on the floor with three young, pretty and fit women. He had a look of bafflement in his eyes. I said "What?" He just slowly closed the door, looking stunned. [Disclaimer: Nothing at all naughty happened - I just wanted a back rub and got it.]



PRICES

Pacsafe, 3200 TBH

FIVE DAYS LEFT IN BANGKOK

RAIN IN BANGKOK FALLS MAINLY ON THE LOGAN

Today I was out doing my normal 'bit of a wander' as Pete would put it. For me, this means a two to six hour stomp around. Unfortunately, it was called by rain. I got lucky and found a bus that was headed back to Ko San Road. It was bucketing down rain so I was grateful to be on it. After I got dropped off and managed to find the street I was staying on, I wandered back to my guesthouse. Although it had only been raining pretty good for an hour or so, the water was nearly knee deep to me. [Julie Jones - you are short. I'd suggest flotation devices. Just kidding.] This goes to show just how poor the drainage is within Bangkok. Despite the massive flooding experienced just a few months ago nothing has changed nor do I see any signs that it will be changing. Next rainy season should be fun for them but fortunately I will be somewhere the hell else. I'd suggest in Thailand try not to get ground floor accommodations.



COMPARE CONTRAST

Cambodia vs Thailand. For living in, I think the key is to get out of the capitals. In Thailand, I'd get up to one of the Chang's (I think Chaing Rei but I'd have to review my notes to be sure) and in Cambodia I'd get to Siam Reap. Comparing those places:

In Thailand, you'd have better tasting food and a cooler climate. The big downside - entertainment costs more and it's more difficult to stay here long term than Cambodia.

In Cambodia, the beer is half price and I liked the town a bit better. The big downside, I got sick on the food more often until about a month passed and I could build up some resistance to it.

Pluses and minuses everywhere. Between the two, I'd rather go back to Siam Reap. Laos and Vietnam at this point aren't even in the competition. Laos is pretty dead and Vietnam was on the other end of the scale.



SMOKING IN THAILAND

For smokers, bring cigarettes with you when you come into Thailand. Cambodia is a good place to buy them. In Thailand, cigarettes are more expensive than in the rest of SE Asia ($1 to $3 per pack) and the selection is very limited everywhere you go.

This is probably why people smuggle smokes in from Cambodia...



INDIA PONDERINGS

Someone on Facebook suggested I hit Rishikesh. Reading up on it, Rishikesh is a holy city. Only vegitarian meals are allowed - alcohol is not other than in expensive hotels I wouldn't be staying at. So...I guess beer and a steak is out?

It does look interesting but I don't know if I'd want to be there for long.

The huge irony is that it fits so many of the research-able criteria I am looking for. It is only approximately three hours from Delhi. It is in the correct direction, toward Nepal. The population is about the right size with 75,000 people plus ass loads of tourists. The problems are that so many things I like seem to be banned there. Hell, they've even outlawed plastic bags from shops. WTF. I love me some plastic bags.

Now mind you, I am planing on visiting all of the other places that I've been told about. I have plenty of time to spend in India. I am currently just looking for a 'run the fuck away' place just in case I get overwhelmed in Delhi. It's a backup plan. I like me some backup plans. And plastic bags. And steak. And alcohol.



TRAVELER'S LORE

I was talking to a nice couple (Rabchel and Chet-cho - sorry I can't spell your names correctly) from Spain about Myanmar today and they gave me a lot of interesting information. In no particular order, here it is:

It's expensive for lodging. For two people it was $50 though there may be some $20 guesthouses. Also, the government prohibits home stays.

There are no ATM's, no banks tourists may use nor traveler's checks allowed there.

Simple meals are $4-$5 each.

There are no signs in English.

No land crossings (as I described in earlier blogs from my research).

They limit which internet sites you can use and the internet there is horrible.

There aren't any uniformed police around. They rely heavily on 'secret police'. If you are talking to someone about something they don't like (being critical of the government, etc) you get deported and the local goes off to prison. Hence, be careful what you say.

In April they are having their local elections. There is no doubt that these are being held in time to commemorate the start of my trip. Very kind of them. Things may (or not) change when the elections are completed.

They have a temple place like Cambodia's Angkor Wat called 'Bagan'. It is a big area and has 2500 temples. You can get around in there via bike, taxi or horse cart. People apparently argue which is better - Bagan or Angkor Wat. From the wiki, Bagan looks pretty nifty.

It's looking like Burma (such a better name than Myanmar) is still pretty rough. The tourists are only allowed in the tourist areas. Fighting and rebellion may be going on in other parts of the country.

The thing the couple stressed the most is that the natives were super friendly. Because they haven't seen a lot of tourists, they are still in the 'excited to meet you' phase. It sounds like an interesting place and Bagan is looking pretty nifty. I don't know if it's yet time to visit it but for extreme vacationers - yes, get in there.

A big thanks to that kind couple for taking the time to share their experiences with me. I'm guessing they may put the correct spelling of their names in the comment section below.


On a slightly different topic, I met a delightful couple from Chile who depressed me by letting me know that South America is nearly as expensive as the USA. It will be a 'save my ass off before going' continent.



TRAVELER'S TIPS

Avoid travel agents, period.

Once you spend money in SE Asia, it's gone. Trying to get any sort of refund, customer service, etc is not in the local mentality. It simply won't happen.



VIDEOS

River Taxi 1

River Taxi 2

Huge Fucking Birds

Alley to Royal Barge Museum

Playground of Doom

Royal Barge Museum

Thai Market

Giant Swing

Denial

Bangkok Tour

Fuck Jim Thompson

Ladies Help Your Dog

Don't Kill Yourself



COSTS

Shitty spaghetti, 140 TBH
Pepsi Max from restaurant with shitty spaghetti, 35 TBH (the drink was fine)

Don't forget if you eat at a decent restaurant, they'll tack on 10% just because hey - they want your money.

TEN NIGHTS IN BANGKOK

WORLDS LARGEST MALL

Today I went to what is arguably one of the largest malls in the world. However I didn't hang out there that long because:

1. I don't like malls.
2. The stuff there is pricey.
3. They didn't have anything I needed. If I can't carry it, I don't need it.
4. They didn't have the gauloise cigarettes the internet said they would. I get lied to a lot.

But I did check it out. It was a shiny monument to extreme capitalism in downtown Bangkok. For people who have houses to send their purchases back to, it would probably have been more interesting.



KOREANS ABROAD

There are tons of Korean tourists wandering about SE Asia. This tells me that Korea has become a lot more affluent than when I was there in the 1980's. Affluent equals expensive hence it could be awhile before I get back there to visit.



THAI ROYAL PALACE

I was passing by and noticed some colorful pointy topped buildings so I decided to check it out. The security guards were inside telling the hoards of tourists they would have to dress appropriately to visit. You have to have things like long pants and shoulders covered on a shirt. For females, you can't dress like a whore. [Logan - are you saying that many female tourists dress like prostitutes? Why, yes I am. I have no idea why they do but I've seen it in very conservative countries as well. Weird.] This makes it more difficult for many of the tourists. Fortunately, they have a system all in place to help correct this. You get clothing there. They charge you a deposit of 200 TBH per piece and you get it back when you return the clothing. Pretty cool. I decided I didn't want to go in because I discovered that tickets were 400 TBH. I'd rather spend that money on going to the 600 TBH amusement park. I am a simple creature.

I think that the clothing restriction shows the true nature of the Thais. Although this country in many people's minds is synonymous with women firing darts from their genitalia at balloons and prostitution, the average Thai is actually pretty conservative. This comes out in odd ways. For example, buying cigarettes is tricky here because they aren't allowed to openly display them. Much like the marijuana in Amsterdam, you have to ask to see the cigarettes. Weird.



THE PUBLIC BUS SYSTEM

One person told me it was 60 TBH to ride the public bus. I made the 'six-zero' fingers and got confirmation. I figured he was absolutely lying - Thais couldn't afford to regularly take the bus at that rate. A different guy said 8 TBH. Both were wrong.

They have red buses and yellow buses. Most of the red ones are free. The yellow buses cost 16 TBH or so. Under a half a dollar.

You do get some odd looks on a bus. Not angry looks but more 'hey that's weird - a white guy'.



TOURIST VILLE

I've discovered the actual temple name is not 'the booty'. Had it been, that would have been much cooler. The actual name is 'Wat Chana Songkhram' which means 'victory in battle'. They got some monks to go do the fighting against the Burmese awhile back. The first version was cooler but I wanted to put in the correction I got from going and looking at the temple placards. I have no idea why the Thai sport of 'Lying to Logan' is so popular but I hope there are good prizes involved.



MEDICAL STUFF

Since my left eye is still blurry in spots from my latest bout of iritis, I went to an eye, ears, throat, etc hospital. It costs 500 TBH to play a complicated hospital wide game of musical chairs that eventually culminates in seeing the doctor. After he saw me, he was pleased to announce that the blurred vision was nothing that a large cash injection might not be able to at least diagnose if not treat. I was contemplating forking over the $50 or more. After all, it is my vision - it's important. But, lo he said I must schedule well in advance. It is looking like I will get this done in India when I get there if it hasn't cleared up by then.



BANGKOK TRAFFIC

Bangkok has a huge traffic problem. Unlike most drivers in the world, the Thais don't have the idiotic belief that blowing on a horn will cause the other drivers to suddenly get out of their way. This results in a fairly quiet roadway given the amount of traffic they have here. I suspect it is partially the Buddhist influence at work here. Mello.

If you ever need to get through Bangkok traffic fairly fast, you just need a scooter and balls of steel. Swirling in and around the larger slower vehicles while hoping not to get killed is a game that many people here play.



WILL JANA GET LUCKY?

I might be able to actually mail off some of my completed journals to Jana from here. According to the post office, for two of them it will be about 332 TBH. I'm going to try lugging a couple of them over to the post office and see if the price still holds or suddenly rockets up.



WHAT IS LOGAN DOING IN BANGKOK?

I'm working on playing with the public transportation system, riding around on the buses and exploring the city by foot as much as possible. Today's game got called due to heavy rain. Tomorrow's game will be to find a nearby post office. Every day I am trying to set some useful goal for myself. Get to some place, find something, etc. Otherwise, I'll go stir crazy in my bad smelling but cheap and tacky guesthouse.

Sorry I don't have anything huge and dramatic going on right now but I have made some videos to help keep you entertained.



VIDEOS

Dead food - Cambodia

Royal Palace 1

Royal Palace 2

Lost in Bangkok

Logans Room

Shark Roulette

Smoking View



COSTS

Pedicure, including removal of excess dead skin, 150 TBH
Beer, 70 TBH (over double the price you'd find in Cambodia)

BANGKOK, DAY TWO

CHRIS C WISDOM

My old pal Chris found an interesting fact. New York City and Cairo have the same population. New York city covers twice as much area as Cairo. Interesting. Packed!



AND BACK TO THAILAND

Unlike Cairo, however, eateries seem pretty easy to find here in Thailand. Even without resorting to the 'will I have diarrhea if I eat this shit' 'street food' places, it is packed with places to eat. One downside here is that the beer isn't very good. I've only had two kinds. One with a picture of two elephants facing each other, the other Heineken. The first is rubbish, the second is meh.

I went on what Pete would call 'a bit of a wander'. I call it a three kilometer death march through South East Asia heat. I eventually managed to find what I was looking for - a special pharmacy that supposedly stocked a drug I needed for my blood pressure. They didn't have the generic I was use to getting but only the brand name that I couldn't afford in the USA. For a three month supply, it was 680 BHT. At today's exchange rate, that is $22. Considering it was over ten times that in the states, we are getting horribly, horribly ripped off there. Daily.



BIDET

In one of my earlier posts (and on the blog), I discussed how to use a squat toilet. In this one, we shall discuss how to use a bidet. In some toilets, the bidet is built into the toilet itself. After you've taken your dump - or when you want a nice jet of water against your balls, you simply turn the handle and it happens. In a perfect world, all bidets would work in this manner. As it is, they do not. Some are a separate hose with a handle - much as you may remember from your mothers sink when you were a child. Instead of spraying dirty dishes, you must use it to spray your asshole. This is not as easy as it sounds. In order to be effective, the water pressure must be right up there. Rebounds and flooding are common problems. I suggest the following steps for using this sort of bidet. 1) Remove all garmets, place them into a waterproof bag and hide them in a dry place. 2) Yell "Mee Krob!" It was introduced as one of the seven swear words on South Park. This will tell anyone in the immediate area they should flee and the people who live downstairs to expect brown rain. 3) Spray that ass. You will notice water rebounding pretty much all over the bathroom as you spray your ass and enjoy the new bizarre feelings - like a water park gone horribly wrong. 4) Somewhere during the process, you will notice that the water level is beginning to rise dangerously and it is time to flee. Flee, preferably screaming. 5) Try to figure out how to flush the toilet from outside of the flooded bathroom. 6) Hide from the outraged downstairs neighbors who are on their way to pay you a visit, dripping wet and smelling like what is probably still floating in the toilet. Good luck. [Biography: Logan Horsford is currently working as a cultural attache helping to bring what is left of the American culture to the rest of the world. His two books "Torturing Children" and "International Etiquette for Dummies" both hit number one on the New York Times bestsellers list for twelve weeks. Mr. Horsford is currently doing a motivational talk circuit on the dangers of not spanking your children regularly and without cause.]



MOVIE REVIEW

Johnny English Reborn. After a bit of a rough start, the movie got underway nicely. Without giving any spoilers, my favorite scene was Johnny English after the parkour master. The whole movie was worth watching just for that scene.


CLOTHING

My pants made in Arabia might have turned to shit due to the extreme humidity of this place. They're a bit sticky and such and harder to move around in. There are also a lot less flies here so they may turn into 'hanging around in air conditioning and I got my other pants wet trying to use the bidet again' clothing.



TOMORROW PLANS

I'm planning on going to a town called 'Pattaya' tomorrow to visit Tonto, my abused native guide. I know I haven't seen anything of Bangkok yet. I am indeed planning on coming back but for some indefinable reason, I'm just wanting to get to this Pattaya and check it out. I am going to get the card to the hotel I'm at now, it suits my purpose and is close to shit I want to go to. I suspect I'll be back here later.



TRAVELER'S TIPS

One baffling thing about the party city of Bangkok - stores stop selling alcohol at midnight. Stock up if you intend to drink after that. As people who know me know, I like to drink either by myself or with a small group of people without the burden of music. The closing of the stores alcohol selection (they put a piece of cardboard over it) is a cramp in my style but I'll live.



COSTS

Mains, in a tourist restaurant, 90 BHT

Starbucks coffee, 175 BHT. I'm fucking addicted. Sue me.

Movie, 120 BHT

Special 'fish hook' head set, 349 BHT. One set got destroyed through use, one stolen. I am down to my last one and figured I'd need a back up.

16 GIG flash drives (x2), 800 BHT each. Not as cheap as in the US but there are too many times one would have come in useful not to have some. I also had a wild idea about trying to save my pics (30 gig) on one and sending it to Bert, but I'm instead going to contend myself with keeping them on Photobucket and deleting them off of the computer. It sucks but it's a tiny hard drive and I need the room.

TRIP TO THAILAND

HOW TO USE 'SQUAT' TOILETS

For those not in the know, a squat toilet is simply a hole in the floor that may or may not have places for your feet to go. People in the lands these exist consider them more sanitary than 'sit down' toilets because no part of their bodies come into contact with the actual toilet. For Americans and other nationalities who are unused to such things, these can present several problems - such as accidentally taking a dump into your own pants. Or for women peeing into their own pants. For men, urination is not a difficult at all hence that shall not be covered in this brief guide. As I have not had (nor intend to - not even in Bangkok - a sex change operation, I do not know about the unique problems of women hence I shall leave them to their own devices on this. In order to defecate for men, I suggest the following steps. a) go into the toilet. Locking the door behind you is an option but given the subsequent steps, leaving it unlocked might increase the humor. b) remove your pants and underwear. Hold them in one hand, preferably stretched out at arms length from you. c) Defecate while making a loud noise. For preference, attempt to mimic several cats fighting or your favorite super heroes battle cry or make the sound you'd make if you were being beaten to death. This may cause the unwary to rush into your stall to save you so making this noise before actually defecating to save it for when they burst in may be amusing. This is doubly fun if the unusual food or water has given you explosive diarrhea. d) Clean yourself the best you can. Being that many of these places have not heard of toilet paper, this may involve your hands and a nearby sink or perhaps the leg of your pants. Hopefully, you did not wear shorts on this particular day. e) Exit the building with as much dignity as you can manage. I hope that this simple guide has helped prepare you for the colorful and interesting things you can do while traveling. [For those who don't read my blog, this could give you more of a reason not to read it as this is the kind of crap that sometimes gets discussed.]



WHITE WEDDING

In a piece of unusual news I picked up from locals in Cairo it seems that a car was driving with the usual reckless abandon and lack of skill I've seen many cars use. It left the road and sailed off of the overpass it was on. The car then fell approximately ten meters - onto the bride who had just gotten married. No shit. Apparently, this caused heavy dismay within the marriage party. I don't know about you, but I'd hope that if I was the driver, I'd have died instantly. I'd kind of be surprised if he wasn't taken out of the car and beaten to death - but it is Egypt. They are pretty nice people there and probably wouldn't have done that.



TRIP TO THAILAND

Check out time from the hostel was at noon. I needed to be at the Thai embassy in Cairo at three PM. Given cab drivers inability to find the place I want, Cairo traffic and not wanting to miss the appointment time (hence my flight) I decided to leave a little after eleven for the embassy.

The traffic through Cairo went at a steady crawl but within 45 minutes (and stopping to ask three different people directions. And I had to walk half a kilometer with the bag on because he still got it wrong. Aside from that, I'm gold.

So, I get to the embassy. I had my pack on but my kindle in a separate carry bag. Figured I'd read while I awaited the convenience of the Thai government. One of the Thai people working at the embassy asked me what I needed. Following advice from my native guide, I kept my voice happy and non threatening and didn't make prolonged eye contact. I told him that I had arrived several hours early from the time I was expected and that I was just going to hang out until the time for my three PM appointment. To my surprise, the guy got my receipt from me (which I didn't know I had), dug through a pile and presented me with my passport. "Because you are so nice, we do it now." He said. Thank you, native guide! Note, that when you give an embassy paper work, you do NOT get it back. Fortunately, the paperwork I had given them was... Well, lets say 'special' and so I didn't need it back.

So, now I had to figure out what to do. I really didn't want to go sit at the airport for ten hours but eventually came to the conclusion 'fuck it' and caught a taxi to the airport.

Those that have hung out with me a lot know that nothing irritates me more than listening to music - other than TV. It's not that I dislike music, I just dislike whatever you're playing. I don't want to hear it. That is why God invented headphones - so Logan wouldn't be tortured with whatever shit you think is great and that makes me want to kill you and firebomb the band.

Normally, I don't make a huge deal of it as wanting to hear the other person instead of some pre-recorded bowl of shit can be seen as anti-social but when I am paying for a cab ride, I figure I can request. The cab driver may of course refuse my request - but then I do have the right to find a different cab if it offends me enough. Yes, a lot of people will see this as 'dickish' behavior. Fuck off. In this case, getting a new cab wasn't something I needed to do. The cab driver was playing news or some such and I asked if we could turn off the radio so that I could 'listen to the city'.

He did it - but I had no idea how it would prey on his mind. First, he began to hum. Then sing. Then compulsively clean his car. Whistle. Tap his fingers. Scream at the other drivers. I was delighted. Watching his mental deterioration due to having to think was much better than listening to Arabic radio. It kept me amused for the entire two hour taxi ride to the airport.

Unfortunately, arriving nine hours to the airport entails certain difficulties. You can't get into the airport proper (where the food courts and such are) until about three hours before your flight. They've never heard of arriving that early. As a result, I had to eat at the only restaurant available - Burger King. It made me feel physically sick afterward. I am happy to have been weaned off of fast food.

Eventually, farting as I went (fast food does bad things to me now) I was admitted to the main concourse. They had something I really wanted. Duty free Kaluah for only $21 a bottle. I actually stood and stared at it long enough that the store security was brought in to figure out if I'd become a problem or not. In the end, I decided not to buy it despite really, really wanting White Russians. There were two reasons I decided not to get it. First, I had already checked the 'big bag' and I didn't want to lug that shit half way around the world - and risk forgetting it on the plane. Second, I'm not sure if the milk in Thailand is pasteurized and such. I'm sure it is, but I just wasn't sure. I am confident I can, of course, get vodka. Sadly, it would be something 'Absolute' vodka rather than the much better Ukrainian vodkas such as my beloved 'whore-tits-ah'.

I had gotten all of my remaining Egyptian Pounds converted into Euros. I reasoned that in Thailand, the Egyptian Pounds would be of less use than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory. The small coins I tossed into the 'Red Crescent' box. I always get odd looks for donating to them, but I figure they can use the coins and it is probably a good organization.

So, I bought a cup of shitty coffee for five Euros.

It is a huge price to pay for a cup of coffee, especially in Egypt but if you are spending Euros, you feel like the number is small, hence not as bad. The prices in the airport are totally out of touch with reality. You will pay eight times or more unnecessary mark up as a part of the 'fleece the tourists' movement. Given all of the clothing shops that are in the Cairo airport, there are a lot of stupid and rich tourists that come through there and actually buy shit - or logic says the stores should have closed due to needing to pay rent, right? Who knows.

Looking back on the Egyptian airport thing, I think it would have been better to keep 100 EGP (about $20/person) for a meal and miscellaneous drinks.

It is worth noting that in Egyptian airports, they don't play the silly games Western European airports play with their smoking areas - such as 'you must buy a drink to use our smoking area'. In Egypt, it is either a room or suspended outdoor covered cage (a brilliant place to have a smoking area) that anyone can go into.

Eventually, I managed to board the plane and rocket toward Thailand at ten kilometers up and just under mach one.

As I often do, when I leave a country, I reflect back upon it.



REFLECTIONS ON EGYPT

You can do a lot of very diverse vacations within Egypt. If you want the 'sand and sun', the Sinai. If you want to see old shit (monument/tomb/temple) and get hounded by people trying to sell you shit day and night, Luxor. But for me, this time, Cairo was my favorite city. This is odd - usually, I'm not a big fan of big cities. But, in Cairo, there is a lot to explore.

Overall, Egypt is in decay. The place is literally falling apart. In a society where having things like 'elevator rest periods' which replace regular (or any) maintenance causes you to wonder 'what the fuck are these people thinking'.

Overall, the people of Egypt seem optimistic about their futures. They hope the new government will fix things. [I think it's a fairly common thread - someone else will fix our problems - new government, return of tourists, etc.] Maybe it will but there will have to be a few changes in the thinking of the 'man on the street' before a lot of needed changes can take place. Three that come to mind are the aforementioned 'someone else will fix my problems', 'lack of maintenance' (on everything) and of course littering. On the good side of the coin, we have optimism, general friendliness and hospitality in the Egyptian people's favor. The elections are suppose to be held this November (though people are a bit fuzzy on exactly when) and we'll see what 2012 has in store for the country. It should be interesting.



BANGKOK

Their airport is ultra modern. It is clean and filled with friendly people. I breezed through customs and baggage claim. I did remember to show my special sixty day tourist visa to the guy at customs so that he didn't just stick me with the standard thirty day one (well - I hope he didn't). Looking at my passport, I think I might need to find out where the American embassy is and see about getting an extension for it. [Side note, seems to be 10 KM away - taxi.]

Outside of the airport, they have special 'smoker zones' the way they did in the Netherlands.

I was worried that finding the train into the city from the airport would be difficult. This turned out not to be the case. It might have been the case for the guy who got onto a moving walkway that was going the wrong way until his wife irritably got him to stop being an idiot and get off of it. This guy was in his sixties. This proves you are never too old to be stupid. Despite any alleged stupidity I may have, I found the direct express to the area I wanted easily enough.

From what I've read, taking a taxi into the city would be about 500 BHT, I spent 90 BHT. When I got off of the train, I found a guy who said he was a security guard. No gun, no ID but he seemed friendly enough. He told me I should go check out the Tourist Information place. He helped me negotiate a tuk-tuk for 20 BHT that took me there and dropped me off.

When I got there, I discussed places to stay with the lady as I had with the security guard. She verified what he said in that the hostels I'd looked up were in the 'modern city of steel and glass' part of Bangkok - and that probably wasn't what I was here to stay. She even said I could have stayed home and seen those. I agreed on that point. She said that if I wanted to get an air conditioned taxi over to the old town, it would be by the meter and would probably come out to 150 BHT. She also had a special deal where I could get a hotel room for only 600 BHT that was 800 BHT if you went and booked it directly. Like the man, she said that the price was the price - non-negotiable. This is not the case. I successfully negotiated with other places after leaving her and passing on her 'generous' offer. So, I wandered into about six different places with the bag. Most of the rooms I saw were cheap but not quite what I was looking for. I eventually got the one I am at for 400 BHT. It's got it's own bathroom and air conditioning. Note, the lady at the 'tourist information' place had told me that if I was to get air conditioning, the minimum price would be 600 BHT. Never, ever believe what people at 'tourist information' centers say. Ever. Fortunately, I am a bit seasoned to believe them. Note that I was also amazingly vague with the lady who was trying to figure out what I cam to Bangkok to see - eventually, I just told her that I couldn't think clearly and needed some rest before doing any planning. Why? Because I have the mutherfucking internet and it will be a cold day in hell before I pay her extra money to tell me what I can look up easily.



LOGAN PAMPERING

After checking into my hotel room, I decided to wander around. For some reason, a couple neurons in my skull hit each other in just the wrong way and I decided to pamper myself.

I got myself a foot massage (100 BHT). I don't know what they're doing differently in movies and such but it was rather boring. I've never had one before so I am glad I did. Perhaps if I was a professional dancer or some shit it would mean more. As it was, I don't think I will need another.

The fish that eat dead skin off your feet then began to fascinate me. It could have been the torrential downpour of rain going on outside. For 200 BHT, you can have them do this eating for 20 minutes. Well worth it as it was perhaps the most unusual sensation I've ever had. I'm not sure if they actually took off any dead skin. I'm guessing people do it more for the generalized 'pampering' and sensation - possibly like mud masks - than any other tangible benefits. It is quite a good thing to get done once in your life. Chris tells me that in the states, it costs $40. Here, under $7.

After that, I paid 80 BHT for an extremely painful straight razor cut by a woman who liked to straddle my leg in a somewhat suggestive way while doing it. Believe me, I don't mind pretty girls straddling my leg but I felt that the experience was somewhat blunted by the sharp metal being inexpertly wielded at my face and throat.

And, that was pretty much my first night in Bangkok.

Yes, I may get a manicure and pedicure at some point. Never had either before so why not.



PHILOSOPHY

I was thinking about all of the people who are 'working to give their children a better life (than they had). Since the kids are stuck working in a job just as the parents did, it seems to be failing. Go enjoy your life instead.



TRAVELER'S TIPS

Never, ever believe what people at 'tourist information' centers say. Ever. Their objective is to book a room for you. In this way, they get commission. Go look for yourself.



COSTS

Two small cans of 'cold coffee' (chilled and meant to be so) at a 7-11 at the airport where they apparently haven't caught on to the severe price gouging yet, 15 BHT ea. Can of soda I saw at the same place, 17 BHT.

Windowless small room, double bed, AC, shower, bathroom in room, 400 BHT + 500 BHT key deposit.

Two bowls of soup stuff and two soft drinks (I bought lunch for a guy who gave his work as 'poet' though he wasn't making any money at it, 107 BHT.



VIDEOS


Cairo:

Bowling in Cairo

Fire Escape

Personality

Bangkok:

Bangkok Tuktuk

TJ's special feature, 'View from my window'

Fish Feet - without a doubt, the oddest thing I've ever felt.