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Saturday, May 2, 2015

RANTS ON PANTS

LOGAN'S VOYAGE

The blog of gritty travel.  More popular than even Bill Cosby after all those women came out saying he drugged and raped them.  (Note, to the best of my knowledge this blog has never gone out and raped anyone.  If it has, please report that to Bill Cosby.)



WHAT TO DO AND WHERE TO GO

Another bout of indecision.


When you have the whole world it is harder than 'pick one'.

Where ever I choose to go, the current plan (since I already have a ticket) is to head back to the major airport of Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia, where I got dengue, AKA 'KL') and immediately - or after sleeping the night in the airport - fly out to the next destination.  This quick bounce will be assumed on all of the choices below.  Flying out of major hubs is much cheaper.

Some current possibilities including possible good points and bad points:


Back to Indonesia.


     I have no earthly idea what is drawing me to the town of Banda Aceh and more specifically the island of Pulau Weh.  Stuff costs more on islands.  The internet is much worse - and Indonesia has shitty internet as it is.  It is possible to do diving there but do I want to drop a few hundred dollars to get certified?  It is Indonesia so it is possible to live cheaply here but generally I find islands dull.


Myanmar.

Will it look this cool when I get there?  The fuck it will.

     After doing some research it still seems pretty rough by comparison to other places.  While they say they want tourists, visas on arrival are looking pretty sketchy and they don't yet have much in the way of tourist infrastructure.  After looking in to it, I'm thinking 'perhaps later'.


Back to Cambodia.  To drink.

I googled 'drunken Logan Horsford' and this image came up.  I've no idea why.  Perhaps I become Mr. Spock when I drink enough?

     Given the increases in prices within my favorite city (Siem Reap, the rest of the country I found unappealing) it's not really a 'good place to save money any more'.  I'm sure you can live cheaply there but I know myself when cheap alcohol is available.


Thailand/Laos/Vietnam

If this picture offends you, wait till you actually get there.  Then, you'll learn what being offended really means.  But nobody cares if you are offended.

     Still baffled as to why people enjoy these places so much.  Not really thrilled by them.  Not in a big hurry to go back though I do like Thai food.


South Korea


     The fact that a lot of people make you specify which one when you mention 'Korea' should be punished with a slap.  Few people and perhaps none in their right mind really ever consider a vacation in sunny North Korea.  According to everyone, Korea has amazing internet.  The problem is that it is a bit expensive.  Wouldn't be saving money here but it would be leaking out of me a bit.  The chance for Korean food (and alcohol) is tempting.


Philippines.  The non-violent parts.

As you may have guessed by how thin the guy with the covered head is, this is NOT Logan.

Within striking distance of those at a fairly reasonable price.  This might be a possibility but a lot more research would be needed.  Where are the safe areas?  Can I afford to drink a lot of rum?  Prices even on wikitravel look a bit higher.  I'd have to find a good, cheap, safe area close to Cebu where I'd be flying in to lay low for a bit.  But given recent events - might be a bit dicey for slow moving fat man.  Not sure but it might be something to look at again in a couple months.  Especially since I will be wanting rum then.


Eventually, I decided 'fuck it' and stuck with the original plan.  Booked a $110 (with return to KL) plane ticket to Banda Aceh in Indonesia.

Some people might ask "Won't you already be bored with Indonesia after a month?"   It is possible but Bali is a very different place from the rest of Indonesia.

So I will take off to a pretty remote city and from there go to a more remote island and from there a pretty remote place on the island.

No not that island and yes, I am old enough to have seen episodes in black and white on TV.  Back when you could say 'black and white' about the TV and not get called 'racist'.

We'll see how that works out but I'm guessing the internet will be shit.


It's still mentally painful to me to buy tickets ahead of time but when you are stuck in an island country with a short assed visa, it is necessary.



TYPICAL DAY IN BALI

Because people may be curious as to what I do on a daily basis, I'll give them a typical day.  When I am 'just hanging out' in a fixed location as I am now, it is much less exciting than fighting with the transport people and looking at new grotty places to stay.

Woke up at around noon.  Didn't get any word from some expats I was going to meet so figured the rain wiped out those plans.

Coffee and cigarettes.  Dani (Dani's Homestay) makes good coffee.  Sit around and drink that while blearily gazing around the grounds.  Since I got a new cell phone in Malaysia, I've got John Cleese's book "So Anyway" (autobiography) on it and read some of that.  Usually, I don't have breakfast at Dani's.  Although his breakfast is a whole lot better than the stale cereal, stale bread and gnarly jam offered at most places I'm just not hungry when I first wake up.  Often Dani will come hang out with me while I'm drinking breakfast.  He's not super talkative but he does make an effort.

There seems to be a movie called 'Coffee and Cigarettes' so I'm not the only one who enjoys these things.

It was pouring down rain but unless I walk for at least five kilometers, my body gets sore and upset.  Wrapped up some of my electronics (phone) in a plastic bag, grabbed the umbrella and walked through a whole lot of overflowing gutters.  Best not to think about the gutters too much.

While out wandering around, stopped by a convenience store to buy a Nescafe cold coffee.  Sat around talking with the taxi drivers who were desperate to get someone - anyone - into their money box.  They were depressed because nobody was wandering the streets.  The Balinese people thought I was nuts for walking around in that weather.  The questions often peter out after the usual ones - "where you from", "how long you stay here".  I'm pretty open to answer all of the questions except "where you stay".  On that, watch me get vague.  I'll point out the general area and 'forget' the name of the place.  Self defense there.  Aside from getting a chance to speak with the locals, talking to the cab drivers also has the added benefit that they don't repeatedly yell 'taxi' or 'transport' at you - just 'hi'.

Always be cautious of which information to be free with.

After traipsing around for a couple hours, stopped at a noodle place and had noodles, meatballs, mystery meat and some sort of green chopped up weed.  Sounds like a lot of food but it all fits into a small bowl and costs around seventy five cents.  Probably not the healthiest thing to eat but I do enjoy it.

Waded back to the home stay and had a shower.  Oh, sweet irony!

A picture movie buffs can feel smug about knowing.

Stressed and researched for an hour or two about where to go next.  Eventually just bought a ticket so I wouldn't have to keep thinking about it and could go back to relaxing.  Researching is one of the parts of travel I don't relish.

Sat around typing the blog until night started falling.  Since I only had one (rather than my usual two) bowls of noodles, began to think about food.  Unfortunately, I'd completely forgotten my first time out to get more soda (diet because I am a fat bastard) to drink tonight so I'll have to go a lot further to procure that.

No, I'd said 'night was falling' not 'the dark knight was falling'.  There is a difference.

Walked to a far away Delta (an in-convenience store) to buy diet Coke as I'd bought all the closer one had.  "No have."  "When will you get more?"  Shrug.  Pretty much unless a store has something you can see right there on the shelf, that's it.  The people usually don't care about looking in the back room (which may have no stock in it anyway), getting more stock (fuck it, it's gone), knowing when more stock will arrive (assume never) or really even appearing to care (they don't).  Asking about stuff they don't have is just an exercise in futility and frustration.  Move on.  So I did to the bigger further away store which had a nice display of them.  Grabbed a few and lugged them through the bumper to bumper traffic.

These clerks would probably be more helpful.

You will have to either cross the road several times or walk on the road most of the time.  Asians view sidewalks not so much as a place for people to walk but as a place to store things on, work on, ride motorcycles over pedestrians on and such.  You will be a streetwalker in no time.  Moving on.

After a meal in a local warung (small cafe, cold food but cheap) I headed back to my lodging.  Once there, alcohol, write the blog and play my latest video game "South Park - the Stick of Truth".

Which I haven't gotten to yet.  Because I'm busy entertaining you.  You ungrateful person.  :)

Eventually, when my brain becomes too soggy to continue on I will watch some shows which fell off a truck then go to bed between three and five in the morning.

Not a bad time.



RANTS ON PANTS

Due to my immense size (nearly double everyone else in weight if not in height) I have to take what I can find for clothing.  Fair enough.

Bought some shorts and they have netting in them.

Note these are not Logan's actual pants because the camera simply wouldn't zoom out far enough.

This is pretty common for men's shorts which are supposedly swim trunks.

Are they afraid that once you hit the water in them your cock will try to escape?

Is it mosquito netting?

Could it be for a survival show where Bear Grylls cuts out the netting, shows you how to fish with it then spends a sleepless night swatting mosquitoes off his cock?

What is this for?

In frustration, I googled it.  Apparently, it is somehow made to try to keep your grotesquely large nut sack from bashing repeatedly into your legs while attempting to swim.  The heavy balls could actually knock one of your legs right off.

Don't let this happen to YOU!


PRICES

Alcohol about x3.  Seriously, saw a bottle of Captain Morgan's on the shelf for about $60.  Religion can equal excessive taxes.


1 comment:

  1. And when I googled drunken Logan Horsford, I get this image... uhhh...
    http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/2655.jpg

    ReplyDelete

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{{2015}} Hammamet 2 | South Africa: Johnnesburg | Thailand: Hua Hin - Hat Yai | Malaysia: Georgetown | Thailand: Krabi Town | Indonesia:
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{{2016}} Thailand: Kanchanaburi - Chumphon | Malaysia: Ipoh - Kuala Lumpur - Kuching - Miri | Ukraine: Kiev | Romania: Targu Mures - Barsov | Morocco: Tetouan | Portugal: Faro

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